Lookalike
by TeamCarlisle
Summary: Marilyn can't get Negan's eyes out of her mind. Since becoming a member of the Sanctuary he looked at her in a way that made her feel nervous and excited all at once. He gave her a good job, a nice room and little stress. They never had had a full conversation but Marilyn felt a connection from their unspoken communication. She just doesn't know the meaning of it yet.
1. Green Eyes

She had seen him staring at her. In fact, she had seen him staring at her more times than she could count. Typically, it would have made her squirm or want to slap a guy across the face but the way he looked at her was different.

Marilyn had been just another member at the Sanctuary. She did her part, contributed and was left alone for the most part. Throughout the work days she would hear others complain about their lives; about the misery, but it wasn't that way for her. For a life in the so-called "end of days", things weren't so bad. Sure the infected roamed around them, but at least it was on the outside of the fences. For a while she had been on the move on foot and things looked uncertain at best. Having just moved from the west coast six months earlier, Marilyn hadn't really established any new, deep relationships when the outbreak had begun.

Negan. He was such a difficult man for her to read. She had studied him many times from afar; his posture, his mannerisms, the way he spoke. The man oozed a confidence that no one dared to tangle with and members of the Sanctuary were pulled to him like gravity. Marilyn had heard words being thrown around about him since the moment she arrived - ruthless, degrading, handsome and sometimes "funny as shit". She felt the terms were a bit contradicting but she held her own, quiet opinions about Negan. To her he was a bit mysterious coupled with a bit of a showoff - again somewhat contradicting.

Marilyn was sure that some of the horrors people spoke of were true. She had seen him in action more than once and his _ruthless_ actions did make her cringe. He burned faces with irons and she had seen the bloody end of Lucille as he walked by her on his way in from a run somewhere.

Negan never spoke much with Marilyn, but the lingering eye contact the two of them made more regularly as the days went on began to feel more intimate than any conversation could. She had stared into his eyes so many times that she could almost give an exact description of what they looked like - a ring of hazel around the pupil surrounded by a sea of green that was far more prominent on sunny days than overcast ones. On overcast days his eyes looked more hazel.

Marilyn often found herself thinking of these things and she had to consciously stop herself. She felt some sort of unspoken connection with Negan, but saying that out loud would have made her look like some weird stalker. Still, she couldn't get it out of her mind that he saw something in her too. She just wasn't sure what that was - or why.

Why? That was another question. There were tons of whys. Marilyn looked around the room he had given her. She had a full sized bed, not a twin. The curtains that hung on the windows were friendly and modern and the people she was close with at the Sanctuary often teased her about what "favors" she must have done to get two windows rather than one... or none. She had a television - another target on her back for unwanted "hate" from her acquaintances. And according to many of the others what she had to do for the point system Negan carried out wasn't nearly as strenuous, life-threatening or toll-taking as many of the others.

"Maybe you're in training to be another wife," her friend Nina had joked.

Marilyn had pondered the thought, wondering what the hell she would say if Negan ever approached her for such a thing. He hadn't; and she had been there for long enough that she assumed he would have asked by now if that was his intention. Whenever the topic came up in her mind, or in jesting conversation she found herself in an odd daydream about it for several minutes until the logical part of her brain lashed out a metaphorical slap in the face for even thinking about it in the most abstract, unrealistic type of way.

Questions still remained, however. Why was Negan so easy on her? Why did his eyes view her differently than anyone else? Why could she somehow see past the mirage, the show, he put on for all to see?

Many times Marilyn had thought about asking him, but she didn't want him to think she was ungrateful. The scene played out in her head like a bad movie with a worse ending.

"Why did you give me such a nice room?" she would ask. In her mind Negan gave a smirk and responded with a sarcastic remark, ending with her being placed into a cold, gray room with a tiny window and a bare mattress having to scrub the floors on her hands and knees all day rather than work out in the gardens.

Part of her knew this wasn't true; that Negan had given her this special treatment for some reason. He had to. If there was one thing she knew for certain about the man is that he had a reason for every single thing that he did. There were no coincidences. He left nothing to chance. He was honest, blunt and did things with a purpose.

What's mine? she thought. What is his purpose with me? She thought of his eyes again - his soul-piercing hazel, green eyes and a shudder ran down her back. A part of it was anxiety, another part attraction to his appeal - all of it was nerves.

Marilyn laid back on her short stack of pillows and let her eyes fix on an old, 90's movie that reminded her of her high school days and tried her best, like most nights, to get the enigma of Negan out of her head. Much to her dismay, and like always, she failed.


	2. Shadows & Iced Tea

The day was sweltering; humid. Sweat ran down the side Marilyn's forehead and streaked her cheek.

She pulled off the gloves she was using to strip weeds from a new area scouted out for fresh gardens and took a knee the rest.

The sun assaulted all the workers that day and Marilyn was no exception. A dry burning coated the back of her tongue and down her throat and there nothing that sounded more appealing than a giant glass of ice water.

"This is a killer today," Nina, her closest friend at the Sanctuary claimed from a few feet away. "God, I hope by some chance we get a little extra to drink today."

"What I wouldn't give for a bottle of water," Marilyn agreed with a nod. She threw her gloves back on and reached for a thick, twisted weed that snapped partway as she pulled it. "Damn..." she whispered to herself.

Nina cleared her throat and Marilyn knew right away that her friend was subtly calling her attention. At the same time she heard a loud, familiar voice and Nina quickly made herself look ten times busier than she had been a moment ago.

"Jesus Dwight!" Negan let out a howling sound. "You weren't fuckin' lying! It is hot as shit."

Marilyn took a deep breath and attempted to dig up the base of the weed that had snapped off on the first attempt. She wiped the back of her hand across forehead and cleared her throat.

"This is all you got done?" Dwight asked aloud to no one in particular.

Marilyn knew he was speaking about the job she, Nina and a few others had been assigned to. She didn't take offense, noting that the man had a huge chip on his shoulder and rightfully so after being punished in front of the entire community. Marilyn assumed that if she had to walk around with her face half burned off that she would feel the same.

"Easy big fella." Negan's voice cut through the air again. "Why don't we help the fuckin' cause and get these fine women some iced tea or some shit." He unzipped the front of his jacket, prompting Marilyn to glance over her shoulder.

In her mind she prayed that she could get away with a quick glance but when she turned Negan's eyes were immediately glued to hers, as if he had been standing there waiting for her to turn.

He slid his arms out of the leather jacket and tossed it over his shoulder before walking alongside the grounds of the new garden. "Not fuckin' bad ladies," Negan told them, sporting a grin that grew wider by the second. His eyes fixed back on Marilyn for a second before she looked down and yanked another weed from the ground.

She felt her heart rate climb a bit and swallowed hard as he paced slowly behind her, clearing his throat when he was directly behind where she squatted down.

Marilyn saw his shadow hovering above hers, entwining the two of them in a shady image on the ground. She continued to claw at the dirt and let out a sigh she couldn't hold in any longer. Her focus shifted back to Negan's shadow when he moved and she almost screamed when she felt a cold sensation against the top of her arm.

"Easy doll." Negan's gravelly voice hung close to her ear and the slightest chuckle he let out beside her made the hair stand up on the back of her neck.

Marilyn glanced to the side, feeling temporarily paralyzed by his closeness and saw the water bottle he held out toward her. She let out another deep breath and reached up for it. "Thank you."

Negan stared down at her, arm still extended as she took it. His eyes only dropped from hers when her fingers touched his.

"Sorry," she said meekly as he released the water bottle.

Marilyn's eyes met Nina's and she gave a slight not to try signaling that she was prepared to share it.

"As you were ladies." Negan huffed a laugh and strolled away.

Marilyn felt like she was snapped out of a trance the second he left. She refocused back on the cottonmouth feeling that still lingered in her throat took a long swig of the beverage, ending it with a a loud appreciative sigh.

"Here." She recapped the bottle and tossed it to Nina. "Pass it around to the others when you're done."

"Sure you're not secret lovers?" Nina joked, speaking quietly.

The joke was a moment of welcomed distraction from the tension she created in her own mind by being in Negan's presence. Marilyn laughed lightly. "Pretty sure."

Nina made a heart with her hands and Marilyn continued to laugh before tossing a weed at her.

She swatted it away with a wide smile and took a long sip. "Either way," she took a breath and another sip, "Im grateful for the crush he has on you."

Marilyn felt her cheeks grow a deeper shade of red. "Please don't start or I'll take my water back."

"Alright, alright." She sighed and looked down at the water. "God, that's good. Almost better than beer."

"Almost." Marilyn raised her eyebrows. She looked around the area to see if Negan was still in sight. When she didn't see him a small wave of disappointment passed through her, but at the same time she was grateful. The emotions she felt being in his company or when she had a vivid daydream about him made her feel vulnerable and uneasy.

"Two more hours," Nina said, breaking her thoughts. "Then we get to eat."

Marilyn nodded and glanced down at her lone shadow on the ground. "Two more hours," she echoed.

"Iced tea," Dwight's voice was more irritated than the president scowl on his face. He placed the pitcher on the ground and began to walk away. "Make it quick. Five minutes and back to work. Return the damn pitcher to the kitchen when you're done."

Marilyn, Nina and the others didn't waste any time. They all removed their gloves and were more than prepared to pass the pitcher around.

Nina flashed Marilyn a wink, making her swat her friend on the arm though they shared a laugh and savored the little moment of optimism.

"Here's to us!" Nina rose the pitcher above her head. "The garden folk."

The women all cheered together and took their turn getting in sips among a handful of laughs.

Marilyn took a sip, again feeling that borderline euphoria from the silver lining of the day and then handed it over to Nina beside her.

She turned and saw Negan return to her line of view to meet up with Dwight. The two of them chatted for a moment and Dwight looked over his shoulder as Negan pointed in their direction with a grin. When Dwight headed on in the opposite direction Negan stayed put for a half-a-second longer.

Marilyn wasn't sure but she thought he had given her the slightest of nods before heading toward one of the buildings nearby and disappearing inside.


	3. Clumsy

The closure of the working day couldn't come fast enough. When Dwight returned to relieve Marilyn and the rest of them of their duties it was like a small stampede away from the gardens.

The rollover to early evening was taking place though the humidity of the day lingered as the sun said its final farewells to another long, hot day.

Marilyn made her way to her locker where another group of women were waiting with white, cotton bags.

"Hurry up and change," one of them demanded. "We have to get the dirty laundry down the hall."

Marilyn was more than eager to get out of her sweaty, dirty clothes. She quickly stripped down and threw on the pair of shorts and a tank top that she had changed out of that morning.

"Here you go." Marilyn tossed her work clothes into one of the bags and then made her way back to her locker at the far end of the room.

"Want to grab some food together?" Nina asked.

"Yeah... I'm going to wash up in the back and I'll meet you there."

Her friend gave her the thumbs up and then shut her locker before hurrying away with the rest of the women.

Marilyn's stomach growled and she felt like it had a mind of its own, encouraging her to skip cleaning up to go down to the mess hall.

She ignored it for the moment and was about to head to the back of the locker room but froze in place when she heard Negan's voice.

"Anybody still in here?" He shouted, his voice echoing off the walls.

Marilyn swallowed hard and then closed her locker shut when her vocal chords betrayed her. She hurried across the room toward the door where Negan stood just a step or two outside.

"Anyone in there?" He asked again as she was about to pass him by.

"No." She shook her head, fully prepared to put her head down and keep walking.

"I'm not fuckin' rushing you out doll," Negan assured her. "Just making sure my men wouldn't be invading anyone's privacy when I send 'em in here to fuckin' clean in a few minutes."

"Oh... okay." Marilyn nodded and hated herself for not having the ability to find the right words.

Negan took in her posture and the downward look of her eyes and decided to break the tension a bit. "I don't think I've ever formally introduced myself to you," he began. When Marilyn straightened up and looked him in the eye he continued. "You're Marilyn."

Her eyebrows lifted and she nodded. "That's right. I live up on the-"

"Third floor of the old brick building," Negan finished the sentence. "I know." He locked his eyes on hers, holding her firmly in place. Marilyn felt butterflies begin to dance around in her stomach.

"Well that's right you know everything." The second the sentence left Marilyn's mouth she wanted to take it back and hoped it didn't sound snotty, as that wasn't at all her intention.

Negan stared at her for a moment and then let a slow grin spread across his face.

"I didn't mean-" she began but he stopped her with a hand up.

"You, uh... why don't you come with me for a minute." Negan's eyes scanned the empty locker room and he stepped away from the door to allow it to close as they made their way into the hallway.

Marilyn felt like her whole body was numb. She didn't know what to say or how to feel. She hoped that her words, that could have easily been mistaken for a snide remark, weren't about to get her in trouble.

"Negan, I didn't mean that the way it came out," she told him, thinking to herself that she was probably digging herself deeper into a hole.

Negan walked a step ahead of her and she could tell he was grinning but she didn't know why.

"Hey!" He called to a man with a mop and bucket up ahead. "Don't go in the women's changing room yet. Wait until I fuckin' get back here."

"Yes sir." The man nodded and Negan pushed through a steel, gray door at the end of the hall that made way to the outside.

He stood there holding it open and Marilyn stared at him for a moment.

"After you." He grinned, pressing a hand flat on the door.

"Thank you." She took a deep breath and headed outside. Worries shot through her mind - where is he taking me? Am I in trouble? Will Nina see us walking together across the Sanctuary and have something to say? The latter was the least of her concerns.

Negan turned to look at her once as they went and Marilyn matched his stare but neither of them said anything. Finally the two of them rounded into an area out front, a place that people often called the loading dock because new supplies were often carted in from the trucks there.

There was no one in sight and the area was nearly pitch black until Negan flung open the bay of a big, black truck. A orange-yellow light illuminated the interior, which was filled with a collection of items from cans of soup to military-style guns.

"Last load of the day," Negan informed her, "My men are going to take of this one right after they fill their fuckin' stomachs."

Marilyn gazed at the collection in the truck. "Wow..." she looked at him, "Would you like me to get a head start on it? I can-"

Negan laughed, making her stop what she was saying. "No honey that's fine." He turned and looked into her eyes with an ear to ear grin. "You've had a long enough day out in that fuckin' sun." He hopped up into the back of the truck and extended his hand. "Come on."

Marilyn placed her foot in the setting and grabbed his hand before hoisting her body up into the back.

Negan put his other hand on her back to guide her in as she struggled for a second to keep her balance.

When she regained control she looked at him, his face only a few inches from hers and was thankful for the darkness because her face grew suddenly hot.

"You okay?" Negan asked, purposely not putting any distance between them.

"Yeah." Marilyn nodded. "Clumsy." She let out a quick, quiet laugh and found her wits again when he released her. She looked the boxes up and down. "So this is what you borrow from the Hilltop?" She emphasized the word borrow and was pleased when Negan returned a grin.

"I like to fuckin' think of it as stealing actually," he joked.

Marilyn smirked and folded her arms across her chest.

"You girls don't have towels and shit down there do you?" He crossed the way in between stacks of boxes.

"No," she answered honestly. "Not in the wash room."

"Well that doesn't make much fuckin' sense now does it?" Negan shuffled through a few of the boxes before he found what he was looking for. "Here... this is filled with that shit. Take it back to the locker room. I'll have the laundry staff throw the dirty towels in every day with the rest of the shit."

"Thank you," Marilyn gushed with a nod. "That's... great." She looked more directly at him. "I appreciate it and I know the rest of them will too."

Negan's eyes never left hers and the moment grew into an awkward silence until he walked to the edge of the truck and jumped to the ground. "Hand the box down."

Marilyn walked to the edge and passed him the box of towels before she reached for his hands to help her down this time.

"You need me to fuckin' carry this shit or you think you got it?" he asked when they were both back on the ground.

"I've got it," she assured him with a nod. "You've done more than enough. Thank you."

Negan nodded and she felt the same butterflies as he stood there with the stare that seemed to pierce her soul. When she stared back without saying a word for several seconds he nodded at her a second time. "What?" he asked.

"Huh?" Her hands tightened around the cardboard box.

"You look like you have something you want to fuckin' say."

Marilyn shook her head. "No, I..." She got lost in her words for a moment when she saw his eyes moving back and forth as if he was quiet literally reading her like a book.

"Say it," Negan urged.

She didn't know what he was expecting to come out of her mouth but she couldn't look away from his eyes. "Um..." Marilyn cleared her throat. "Your eyes have a little green in them."

 _What?_ she screamed the word at herself in her mind. _What the hell is the matter with you? Your eyes have a little green in them?_ Marilyn wanted to collapse onto the ground in embarrassment.

Negan blinked and looked down, completely taken off-guard. He huffed a laugh, looked her in the eye once more and then turned and walked away without saying a word.


	4. In Dreams

"Your eyes have a little green in them," Marilyn said to herself when she was alone in her room. She toyed with a DVD on the stack of many and shook her head. "So ridiculous."

She walked over to the bed and laid there in the near darkness in top of the covers with her hand on her forehead.

"I don't know why I even give a shit," she whispered to herself.

Marilyn knew it would be a long night with the heat. Both of the windows were wide open but it didn't help much.

Long night, she thought to herself with a yawn.

For a while she laid there staring at the ceiling lost in her thoughts. She smiled when thinking of a funny conversation with Nina and then Negan took over her daydreams as she drifted off to sleep.

Marilyn didn't know when she actually fell asleep but pondered for a moment if what was happening was real.

The location was abstract, something she drew up in her mind but she was certain it was Negan's bedroom - at least in her imagination.

They sat talking, his eyes greener than usual despite the dim lighting.

"Thank you again." Marilyn heard her own voice echo, giving away that it was indeed a dream she was having. There seemed to be a part of her subconscious fighting her; telling her to snap out of it and wake up, but she didn't want to.

Negan's voice was just as it was in real time. Deep, a little raspy. "You know you're fuckin' special honey." His hand grazed her cheek and then to her disappointment he stood up. "I won't keep you any more." Negan walked toward the door and reached for the handle.

"Wait!" Marilyn reached for her throat, not know where such a shrill remark came from.

Negan grinned and released the handle. "What? You don't want to fuckin' leave?" He paced the room, heading back toward her.

Even in dreams Marilyn couldn't find the right words so she just stared ahead at him. When Negan was back within arm's length he hooked an arm around the back of her waist and pulled her up against him.

"If you tell me you want to stay... I'll fuckin' let you stay." Negan's eyes burned into hers, his breaths landed on her lips.

Marilyn finally found the courage to reply. "I want to."

"You want to what?"

"Stay." Her lips were right next to his now and Negan let a smile form on his face before bringing his lips to hers, carefully at first but it only took a few seconds for both of them to escalate the situation.

Marilyn moaned against his lips as his fingertips dig into her and his tongue fought for dominance over hers.

A clattering sound was the only thing that stopped her from kissing him and she quickly realized he had cleared everything on a giant, wooden desk with his arm to pin her down on it.

Marilyn felt the cool feel of the wood against her bare back as he pushed her shirt up over her head.

"Negan..." she purred his name when his lips and teeth nipped at her neck with the accompanied feel of his trim beard against her sensitive skin.

"Tell me if you want it," he begged for consent in a husky whisper before crushing his lips back against hers.

"I want it," Marilyn whispered back, her arms around him. She heard him undo the buckle of the belt as it clanked against the desk.

When the noise continued on like a broken record the dream began to fade.

No, she thought. A wave of disappointment passed through her when the sights and sounds of reality began to take over her senses.

The constant thud from her dream wasn't a dream at all. Someone was laying knocks at the door and it wasn't until Marilyn completely came to that she recognized that.

When her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she recognized that Negan wasn't on top of her about to seduce her, she let out a sigh and wiped sweat from her forehead.

"You in here?" A voice called from outside.

Marilyn turned her head, seeing a faint glow from the hallway light at the very bottom of the door. The voice, she could tell, belonged to Dwight.

She rose to her feet and crossed the room before flinging the door open.

"It's about damn time," he said, annoyance ringing heavily in his voice.

"What time is it?" She squinted from the flood of light.

"A little after midnight," he responded. "Here." Dwight held out a jug of water and a tube of sun screen.

"What's this?"

"What's it look like?"

Marilyn shook her head, recognizing she was being rude. "Thank you Dwight."

"Don't thank me."

"Well... who do I owe the thanks." She already knew the answer but she wanted to hear his name being said out loud.

"Negan." Dwight waved a farewell and headed down the hallway before she could even reply.

Marilyn stood in the doorway a little annoyed at Dwight for removing her from such an elaborate dream but simultaneously stimulated by the idea that Negan would offer such things to her.

She dropped her eyes to the sunscreen in her hand and a smile crossed her face. Marilyn shut the door and stood in the darkness staring st her empty bed. She popped open the cap to the water and took a long swig of it until she was gasping for air as some of the liquid poured down the front of her chest.

Marilyn didn't mind. The air was so thick, so hot. A quick cool down was more than welcomed, even if it was an accident.

She sat back down on the edge of the bed and placed the water on the nightstand beside her with the sunscreen. The image of Negan and the feel of his breath against her neck was almost too much - even if it was just a dream.

Marilyn laid back down and found herself staring at the ceiling again. This time her thoughts didn't fight for what to focus on, or drift in different directions. There was one thing on her mind and that was Negan.

Why am I dreaming of him? She couldn't help but ask herself the question. Marilyn did acknowledge one thing - she wouldn't mind falling back to sleep and picking up right where they left off.


	5. Hurricane

Marilyn got a lot of work done in the garden the following day. She felt refreshed and found herself in a positive, energetic mood as she planted and watered the new crops that she prayed would grow down the road. While their other gardens were still producing vegetables, it would be essential for the community to get the freshest garden finished as a new addition.

"Did you see the towels that were in our lockers this morning?" Nina asked with a grin. She tossed a worm toward Marilyn making her jump back with a laugh.

"I did," she said with a nod, not telling her friend about the brief meeting with Negan the night before.

"We're moving up in the world," she teased.

Marilyn saw the redness on her friend's neck and shoulders and then decided to lie about where she got the sunscreen so she could give some to her friend. "Here," she tossed her the tube, "You're sunburned."

Nina reached up at the last second and caught it. "Where'd you get this?"

"I completely forgot I used some points to get it awhile back," she lied. "I found it in a box in my room that I hadn't looked through in awhile."

"Nice." She removed her gloves and began to spread some across her shoulders.

Marilyn smiled to herself when Nina didn't question her. She didn't consider herself to be a great liar, but she knew it didn't take much skill when you weren't questioned in depth about it. She glanced up toward the sky and noted the incoming clouds. "Looks like it's going to storm."

"No weathermen to warn us anymore," Nina said, spreading a little of the sunscreen over her face. "I guess it's too little, too late for this huh?" She tossed it back over.

"They say you can still get burned when its overcast."

Nina glanced up. "That looks like more than overcast." Her eyes scanned the dark gray clouds.

"Maybe we'll get out of work early." Marilyn crossed her fingers, making Nina laugh.

"We'll just get stuck doing something worse."

She shrugged. "Yeah you're probably right."

"I can't believe he put me here with you," Nina went on, "I hated what I had to do before."

"Yeah it's a lot better working with you," Marilyn agreed.

A streak of lightening flashed across the sky, making everyone in the immediate area gasp, laugh or point. A loud clap of thunder accompanied the lightening so intense that a few people ducked as if a gun had been fired.

"Whoa," Nina raised her eyebrows and then shared a grin with Marilyn.

"Crazy," she agreed with a nod.

The tree tops that were visible from the opposite side of the walls began to sway and twist in ways that made people start talking and then a strong gust of wind swept through the area with another clap of thunder.

"This is coming out of nowhere," Marilyn commented, looking around. She felt her hair begin to blow around in all directions and quickly pulled it back into a ponytail.

"Lookout!" Nina shouted, prompting Marilyn to look up and jump out of the way of a branch that came flying over the wall from one of the trees.

"Holy shit." She took a deep breath, and then let out a laugh when she realized she was alright. "That would have knocked me out."

Nina giggled but shook her head. "Are we having, like, a hurricane or something?"

There was more thunder and lightening and the women they worked with began to gather up their tools and belongings. The skies grew darker by the minute and then Marilyn felt the first raindrop.

"Okay, I think we're done here," she said, looking around.

The pavement near where they worked became decorated with hefty drops of rain that began to fall more consistently from above.

A door swung open just as the skies opened and a downpour ensued. "Let's go girls!" Negan barked, "Inside!" Dwight followed him out.

Marilyn felt a wave of embarrassment seeing Negan's face for the first time after her steamy dream of him the night before. He headed outside despite the incoming inclement weather and pointed down the way around the building. "Bring it the other garden workers," he ordered, "Shit's a fuckin' shit storm out here. Jesus." His eyes scanned the threatening tree tops.

"What about the guards?" Dwight asked.

"We need 'em to fuckin' stay," Negan informed him, slicking his hair back as the rain fell harder. He turned as he said it when one of the tops of the perches that his guards sat up on swayed and collapsed, sending the men sprawling to the pavement some fifteen feet below. "Fuck." He darted toward the front of the Sanctuary.

Marilyn watched him go and gathered up her things. She turned to speak with Nina, but realized her friend had already made a run for the door that Negan and Dwight had just come out of.

"Shit," she whispered to herself. Her eyes landed on Dwight's back as he disappeared around the corner of the building toward the gardens in the back. Marilyn looked from side to side and then turned toward the wall when a deafening cracking sound rang through the air. It wasn't lightning this time. She let her mouth hang open when a large oak tree split down the center of the trunk as it twisted and began to fall.

"Look out!" a voice shouted, "Marilyn!"

Negan sprinted toward her from and she started to run toward him to get out of the way of the tree that had begun to tip. Marilyn looked upward over her shoulder and began to run away from the chaos. The moment felt like it was happening in slow motion and it wasn't until she ran smack into Negan that reality sunk back in.

She ducked and flinched when the tree landed with a loud thud, barely missing the wall; though its branches hung over the top, letting the people of the Sanctuary know that it had tried.

"Why didn't you follow your fuckin' friends inside?" Negan demanded.

"I..." Marilyn shook her head, "I was getting my stuff."

Negan radioed to Dwight, "Dwight get the guards and shit in. I need eyes on all angles of the fuckin' walls from inside. We're in the middle of a fuckin' hurricane."

"Roger that," he promptly replied.

Marilyn gazed around the whirlwinds and the chaos around them and then turned when Negan grabbed her firmly by the arm.

"Let's go," he ordered, marching toward a big, gray door. Negan turned and looked over his shoulder, paranoid now about the large trees that bordered the Sanctuary. One could crash down and take out a large chunk of the wall and then they could have a whole other world of problems to deal with.

Marilyn reached for the door handle and flung it open, sending the door slamming into the side of the wall to the building they were in. "Shit." Her eyes lit up and Negan reached for it, pulling the door shut behind them against the winds.

The two of them stood in the darkness breathing heavy and Marilyn had no idea where they were. Just as she composed herself Negan was pulling her away down a hallway that he appeared to be familiar with.

"Dwight." He got on the radio again.

"Yeah," Dwight replied.

"Let me know when you got eyes everywhere. I'm going up to find Simon to get him on the same shit."

"I'm at the top of a stairwell in the back, brick building," he informed Negan. "I got eyes on the back wall... all of it." Marylin knew he was speaking of the building that she lived in.

"Good, stay put," he ordered, "Don't fuckin' leave that position. Have someone who lives there share some fuckin' shit to eat with you. If this shit dies down I'll send someone with a plate of some real fuckin' food."

"Okay."

Negan looked at Marilyn in the dark corridor and reached for her hand to tow her behind him. She swallowed hard, entwining her fingers with his and feeling along the wall with her free hand as they walked to parts unknown. Her heart rate picked up when his fingers squeezed hers and visions from her dream popped back into her head.

She refocused when he took a hard right and she almost stumbled.

"Stairs," Negan said as her feet hit the first step. He slowed his pace to assure she wouldn't fall. "Go easy."

Marilyn could hear the echoed sound of her breathing as they rose to the second floor of the building, landing on a flat platform.

"One more flight," he informed her, still towing her a step behind him as they made their way up the second staircase.

Her heart was beating out of her chest and she didn't know why. The moment had suddenly become an adrenaline rush from the moment the tree began to fall and she slammed chest to chest into Negan. The feeling heightened when he pulled her into a dark hallway and locked his hand with hers.

Negan opened the door that lead into another, brighter hallway. This one had a collection of windows where light flooded in from the darkening atmosphere of the world outside. For a second he stopped and stared outward, shaking his head as the torrential rains and winds overpowered their little community.

"Better fuckin' hope this isn't a God damn tornado or some shit," he said. "Fuck."

Marilyn wanted to tell him it would be okay but she had no idea if that was true.

"This is where Simon is going to fuckin' stay," Negan continued to talk to himself, more thinking aloud than anything and then finally turned to her without saying anything. Before she could start any type of conversation he motioned for her to continue on with him, and soon they were standing outside of a door that Negan pounded on.

"Simon!" he called out, not letting up with his fist.

The door opened a second later and a sleepy looking man with a head of messy hair and a mustache answered the door. "What's up?" he asked, attempting to straighten up. His eyes looked at Marilyn for a moment and then refocused on Negan.

"Simon." Negan smacked him on the back. "There may be a fuckin' tornado or a hurricane or some shit brewing. It's a fuckin' mess out there and a tree almost took out the fuckin' fence."

Simon ran a hand over his hair and nodded. "I'll get dressed."

"See these fuckin' windows?" Negan motioned to the string of windows behind them. "Stay here and scan out the east side of the fuckin' place. Make sure the fence doesn't get taken down by one of those tall fuckin' trees out there." He pointed, "If they do call me on the radio."

"You got it." Simon nodded, made eye contact with Marilyn again and then disappeared back into his room without shutting the door.

Negan's radio went off again. "It's D. We got eyes on the front. One of the towers fell."

"I know," he replied, "What's his face is lucky he didn't get fucked up when he fell."

"You have eyes on the east and west yet?"

"Simon's got the east," Negan replied. "I need eyes on the west."

"I'll radio it in," Dwight said back. "Guys are eager to get in on that shit to help out."

"Let me know when you do."

"You got it."

Negan hurried down the hall and Marilyn tried to keep up with the whirlwind of events. They rounded a corner and the world around them grew a shade darker. He whipped out a small ring of keys from the pocket of his leather jacket and closed in on a lone door at the far end of the wrap-around hallway.

Marilyn felt her entire body tighten up with nervous excitement. She watched as Negan slid the key into the lock and then pushed through the door, waving her in with him.

"Where are we?" she couldn't help but ask even though she already knew.

"The four fuckin' seasons," Negan said sarcastically. He huffed a laugh at his own joke and tossed the keys down onto a big bed off to the left of the door.

Marilyn looked around, taking it all in. Light streamed in from a two big windows to the right onto a leather sofa and two chairs. Above them the head of a deer hung on the dark gray wall. For the way the world was, Negan's room screamed royalty. It was dark, elaborate and had all the essentials.

"Got eyes on the west," Dwight's voice came over the radio again.

Negan removed his jacket and tossed it onto a table in the corner of the room. He made eye contact with Marilyn as he spoke. "Get them all on the same fuckin' frequency. Call me if anything out of the ordinary happens."

"Alright."

Marilyn suddenly felt anxious. Negan's room wasn't at all what her mind had created in her dream. Still, the reality of it all came crashing down on her. She was alone with Negan in his bedroom; and from what she could tell they were going to be there for awhile.

 _Was last night's dream a premonition?_ she began to wonder. Marilyn's eyes shifted away from Negan's toward a big desk in the back left corner of the room. He turned to look over his shoulder, following her stare and then turned back to look at her. When he didn't immediately say anything it left her just enough time for her thoughts to drive her crazy. The question still remained: why did Negan drag her to his room?


	6. Riding Out the Storm

Negan walked toward her and Marilyn felt like her entire body had just gone numb. She didn't know what to expect; what he was going to say. She wasn't sure if he was angry with her for being our, or annoyed now that he felt some type of obligation to look after her.

"I'm going to get you some fuckin'... dry clothes," he told her. "Go through that door, use whatever products you want and clean up."

"What about you?" Marilyn looked him up and down and then made eye contact with him.

"I'm fine." He held up his radio, "I have to make sure these fuckin' clowns are holding up their ends watching the perimeter. I'll go in there after you."

"Okay." She took a deep breath and decided to be forward. "I'm grateful for all of this... but why are you helping me?"

Negan opened his mouth to speak but didn't and then his eyebrows pressed together. "Just go do what you need to do in there."

Marilyn nodded. "Okay." She swallowed hard, "Thank you."

He nodded and then headed toward his closet in search of something mildly appropriate for her to change into while Marilyn made her way into the bathroom area.

When she shut the door she had to lean against it and brace herself. Being in Negan's room was almost too much for her mind and body to handle. She felt some odd, unspoken connection with him and knew that he could have easily assigned her to a post, told her to run to her building on the other side of the Sanctuary or a number of other things but he didn't. He towed her with him to his room and offered her a change of clothes and a means to get clean.

"We all set Dwight?" Marilyn heard Negan's voice from the other room as he spoke into the radio and then decided she needed to get on with it and started by removing her shoes.

The feel of the cool tile floor sent chills up her spine and when she ridded herself of the rest of her clothing she wished she was more bold like a lot of her friends had been back home; even like her friend Nina was. The truth was that Marilyn hadn't had any form of intimate relationship since before the start of the apocalypse. If she had any backbone or thought she was sexy and confident enough she would have opened the door and approached him.

 _It has been years_ , Marilyn reminded herself. Right away she wished she hadn't. She had never been the type of woman to have casual sex but the looks she got from Negan and the extra attention he discreetly showed her was enough now that she felt completely willing to go that route. He was rugged; sexy and had some kind of interest in her. Marilyn just wasn't sure of his intentions yet.

She tried to push the fact that she was naked in Negan's room out of her head and got down to the business of getting clean. She filled up the bath tub and lathered up every inch of her body with soap and warm water before giving her hair a better wash and rinse than it had for the longest time. When all was said and done Marilyn felt rejuvenated. She felt warm and alive and then wrapped a big, navy blue towel around her body before inching open the door.

A pile of clothes sat on the ground just outside the door and when she didn't immediately see Negan she grabbed them and reentered the bathroom. Marilyn smiled to herself seeing he left her a pair of his black boxer-shorts, some gray sweatpants and a simple, white t-shirt. She couldn't complain. The clothes looked comfortable to say the least, and even better they belonged to Negan.

Marilyn quickly threw on the clothes, looking down at the baggy nature of the ensemble and then hurried back out into the main room. While she recognized how comfortable they were she hardly thought she looked at all sexy.

Negan stood by the set of windows by his seating arrangement at the end of the room. His hands were positioned neatly behind his back and he shook his head at the chaos that still ensued outside. With the day closing the world grew darker faster. The deep gray clouds hovered above the Sanctuary, still threatening the safety of all of them.

"Thank you for the clothes," she told him, making him spin around.

Negan looked her up and down and let out a quick laugh. "You're welcome. It's all I fuckin' have." He laughed again. "Fits just fuckin' right too."

Marilyn let out a slightly embarrassed chuckle, but appreciated his humor all the same. "Yeah..."

He removed his wet t-shirt, tossing it onto a chair and then headed toward the bathroom. "I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Okay." She watched him go without turning his back and when the door shut she didn't know what to do. For a minute she just stood there in the center of the room. Anxious thoughts ran through her mind and she quickly made her way to a mirror to check herself out.

Marilyn ran her hands through her towel-dried hair and took a second to admire the fresh aroma that radiated out of it. She then scrunched her nose, displeased with her makeup-less face and ran her hands over the slight bags under her eyes. She knew she could have spent hours obsessing over her appearance but decided she couldn't. After a few minutes she went and sat in one of the chairs, then rose after several minutes and stood by the window. The sight of the trees swaying with the rapid fading of the last few minutes of daylight made her uneasy. She walked over toward the bed and sat down on the edge so stiffly that she knew she must've looked as uncomfortable as she felt.

 _Where should I sit?_ Marilyn hadn't felt like such a nervous wreck in all of her life. She continue to change her position from standing to sitting to standing again until Negan finally returned wearing a fresh white t-shirt and a pair of plaid, blue boxer-shorts. He drew a towel over the top of his head, sending his wet hair sticking up in all directions. He quickly ran his hands over the top of it so it was mildly slicked back and didn't bother to take a look at himself in the mirror like Marilyn had.

"You can sit," Negan informed her, noting how stiff she stood with her hands placed on the back of one of the chairs by the window. He looked her up and down and then pointed toward a television. "I have a shitload of movies."

Marilyn let out a breath through her nose and walked slowly across the room. She eyed the TV and expected Negan to turn to follow her gaze but he didn't. He stared back at her. When her eyes returned to his she let out the question without reserve that had been dancing in her mind for months. "Why do you do things for me?" She looked at him standing so casually out of his typical attire in front of her. It shouldn't have been so normal for him to do such a thing, or so she thought. Negan was always so professional; so intimidating and never missed a beat in front of his people. The role he played was constant... except for right then.

"I feel like... I fuckin' know you," he admitted.

"What do you mean?" Marilyn took another few steps toward him, the anticipating of the situation eating at her.

Negan's eyes never left hers, and she only looked down for a brief moment when she felt vulnerable, like he could read her thoughts. "I don't know," he confessed, "It doesn't really make much fuckin' sense to me but..."

Marilyn let in a deeper breath, her chest rising and falling once as she stared back at him waiting.

"You just remind me of... someone I used to know," Negan finished, walking toward her. "I don't know if that sounds good, bad or fuckin' indifferent to you but that's the best I can fuckin' do."

The two of them stood nearly a foot apart now and Marilyn almost couldn't breath.

 _Did I forget what to do?_ she suddenly wondered, feeling like she was seventeen again and on the verge of fooling around for the first time with her boyfriend after the prom. Any nerve Marilyn had in her body had completely betrayed her.

Negan cleared his throat. "I didn't bring you here for any fuckin' reason other than to pull you out of the fuckin' storm," he claimed.

"I... I know." She swallowed again and nodded.

"You know?" Negan's eyes squinted a bit as he stared at her and took a step deeper into her personal space. When she didn't move back he stayed put and challenged her with his eyes.

Marilyn almost couldn't get the word out. She didn't know if the answer was right or wrong. "Yeah..."

They were nearly nose to nose now and Negan's eyes were attempting to read her face again; read her posture.

She changed her mind. "Well, I'm not sure if I know." Marilyn stared up at him, leaning toward him as Negan reached both of his hands up, running them up from the outside of her neck to the sides of her face.

"I'm not sure either," Negan said quietly.

Marilyn reached a hand up and placed it over one of his on her face. She didn't look away from his eyes this time until hers closed when he pressed his lips against hers.

A jolt of adrenaline shot through her body and Marilyn melted against him, kissing him back and attempting to keep up with his fluid enthusiasm.

Negan's tongue danced against hers and he slipped one hand just a few inches up the back of her shirt, resting it on the bare skin of her lower back. When he pulled away, Marilyn let out a heavy sigh and a moan she tried to suppress.

He

"Fuck," he breathed the word into her mouth and Marilyn let her hormones override her mind. She crushed her lips back to his and allowed Negan's hands to sweep down her hips sending the oversized sweatpants to the hardwood floor.

Marilyn stepped out of them and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck as he picked her up by the backs of her legs and set her down on the bed, tossing the covers to the side as he did. The feel of his erection through pushing against her made her body ache. When he lifted her shirt and began to kiss her stomach she laid back and closed her eyes until she felt him hovering above her.

"You sure you want to fuckin' do this?" he spoke in a husky whisper against her lips.

"Yeah." Marilyn didn't hesitate and ran her hands up his shirt, prompting him to duck out of it and toss it to the side. She bent her knees, positioning them on the outsides of his legs as he purposely pushed himself against her.

Negan kissed her again and helped her rid herself of the big, white t-shirt he had given her, leaving her wearing nothing but his boxer shorts. When he latched on to one of her breasts with his mouth Marilyn had to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming. Waves of pleasure trickled to every part of her body and she eagerly removed the shorts that provided one of the last barriers between the two of them.

He took in the length of her body as she slid the underwear down her leg and struggled to hook it off the end of her foot. Marilyn pulled him back to her, kissing him hard until he let out a moan of his own and slipped his shorts down to release himself. Negan worked his way up her neck with his lips and teeth until he latched onto her ear. "I fuckin' want you Marilyn," he whispered, pushing himself up against her in a raw, teasing fashion.

She urged him on, pushing down on her lower back and raising her hips in an attempt to connect herself to him. Marilyn closed her eyes as he continued to suck on her earlobe before pulling back to take in her features as he pushed himself inside of her.

Marilyn moaned once and tightened her grasp around him, locking her legs around his waist. When he thrusted himself into her the first time she felt his deep exhale land on her neck.

"God Negan."

He moaned as he continued on, tilting her hips back a bit to enter her deeper while still moving at a slow, controlled pace. "How long's it fuckin' been honey?" he asked.

"Mmm..." she moaned, "Awhile."

"I can fuckin' tell." Negan barely got the words out. He ran his hand the length of her arm and locked his fingers with hers above her head on the mattress.

Marilyn squeezed his hand and bit down on her bottom lip. Negan was far more sensual than she anticipated. She saw him as the type to rip a woman's clothes off, have fast, hard sex and send her on her way. While the thought was hot in its own way Marilyn was thankful for the way he paid attention to every part of her body, for the way he kissed her in a way that screamed passion and experience and how each pump of his hips was just controlled enough to allow her to feel every inch of him.

She gripped the back of his head as he bit down lightly on her shoulder before trailing kisses back up her neck. Marilyn engrained the feel of his scruffy beard against her sensitive flesh in her mind and knew the feeling with stick with her long after their encounter was over. When she tried to suppress a moan he picked up the pace and kissed her again. "Let it out honey." Negan groaned when she tightened herself around him and felt his own set of chills when she did as he asked, accompanying his name in the pleasure-filled lament.

Marilyn didn't hold back after that, seeming to compete with him as he matched every moan she let out with one of his own. It all suddenly became almost too much for her to handle as she let herself go - the feel of his hands as they wandered to all the right places, his fluid thrusting inside of her and the wordless appreciation he let out in sighs and whimpers for her as he neared his climax.

Negan felt her contract against him and she muffled a string of unrecognizable words and sounds against his neck as he lead her to a climatic moment that brought him over the edge no more than a few seconds later.

Marilyn held him hard when he cursed and jolted forward on top her hard enough to send the headboard slamming into the wall several times before he let out a deep breath against her neck and finally laid still on top of her.

She kept her eyes closed, matching his heavy breathing with her own and felt a sense of contentment when he kissed the area just below her ear several times in a row. Marilyn had no idea what to expect when he eventually moved off of her and faced her but the thought was just a fleeting one as she tried to process everything that had just happened.


	7. Vulnerability

Negan didn't immediately separate himself from Marilyn. When he let out a loud, decompressing sigh against her she finally opened her eyes. It already felt like hundreds of questions and concerns were parading around her mind.

 _We hardly know each other. I would never normally do something like this. We've only spoken on occasion. He wasn't wearing protection. What is wrong with me? Am I stupid? Was this wrong? Was it not? Will I tell Nina? What is Negan feeling? Was this a one time thing? I hope not..._

He finally moved off of her and laid on his back, taking a deep breath and letting it out just as forcefully as he placed his hand on his chest.

Marilyn cleared her throat, not knowing what to say if anything at all. She tried to appear cool and calm but she guessed her body and her expression betrayed her.

 _Relax_ , she told herself.

Negan finally turned to look at her and the butterflies from before came rushing back to her stomach, making her arms and legs feel suddenly heavy. Before either of them could speak the walkie-talkie drew static and a male voice came through the receiver. "This is D checking in."

He reached over her toward the night stand and grabbed the handheld radio. "Go Dwight." Negan cleared his throat and stared outward toward the windows.

"Just updating every half hour like you suggested," he explained.

"What's it fucking look like on your side?" He made eye contact with Marilyn before pulling up his shorts and getting out of bed to take a closer look out the window. "I can't see fuckin' shit from where I am."

"You want guys walking the perimeter?"

"No," Negan said, "I don't need people fuckin' dying. If a tree falls it's gunna fuckin' fall whether someone's out there or not. I just need eyes on the walls so we can be fuckin' proactive about this fuckin' storm."

"All clear on my end," Simon chimed in.

"Windy as fuck," another male voice claimed, "But fences are secure out here too."

He nodded to himself and then spoke back to the group of his men. "Unless something out of the ordinary happens, don't check in for another hour."

"Roger that," Simon replied, prompting Dwight and the others to do the same.

Marilyn sat partway up in bed, widening her eyes when a streak of lightening highlighted Negan's silhouette by the window. He stood there looking out from side to side for a moment before turning back around and walking toward her. She was grateful when he spoke first because she wouldn't have known what to say to him.

"Your little friend there gunna get nosy if you don't make it back to your room tonight?" he asked.

Marilyn raised her eyebrows not knowing if he was implying that she should stay or not. She assumed so but didn't want to get her hopes up until he formally said the words. "Um... no." She knew that was a lie. Her and Nina lived in the same building and she was sure her friend had probably already made the trip to her room to find it empty.

"Good." Negan replied and then changed course to where a bottle of liquor sat out on a small table. He poured a little into a glass and took a quick shot.

"I'm sorry," Marilyn began to say.

"For what?" he placed the glass down and paced the room before sitting on the edge of the bed.

She wasn't sure what to say but knew now that she had to say something. He stared at her as intently as always. "I'm not... I'm not the type of woman to just jump into a man's bed without... knowing him."

Negan's eyes burned into hers and she felt him reading her like a book again. "I know," he assured her in a scratchy, almost sleepy voice.

"I can't be just... another one of the women you keep around down-"

"I'd never ask you to," Negan cut her off. He shook his head.

Marilyn felt simultaneous emotions from his quick response. She wasn't wholly sure why he wouldn't want her to, but at the same time felt like it was some sort of compliment. Still, the question still ate at her and so she asked him, "Why?"

She saw his Adam's apple rise and fall in his throat. He looked down and then back up and she could see the question had either taken him off guard or bothered him in some way.

"I'm... sorry," Marilyn said again, shaking her head. "Forget it." She reached for the shirt he'd given her and saw his eyes stalking her every move as she went to get out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" Negan asked. His voice was low and soft.

Marilyn looked at him and then shrugged. "I... I don't know." His eyes looked almost pained and she recognized his hand was rested passively on her lower leg as if to keep her in place. She had a hard time coming to grips with all of the emotions that were running through her mind and body. "Your vulnerability is kind of freaking me out," Marilyn confessed, staring into his eyes.

Negan's fingers twitched against her leg. "You and me both honey." He cleared his throat. "You don't have to fuckin' stay here if you don't want to."

She looked down at his hand that was wrapped around her ankle and Negan drew his hand back. Marilyn could read him now - at least at that the moment. She glanced down at her naked body that was still primary beneath the sheet. Negan's eyes followed hers and Marilyn looked back at him before breaking past her comfort zone and pushing the covers to the side. She rose to her feet and could see a visible angst and discomfort in his green eyes that were now swollen with a sea of black.

"I want to stay," she told him quietly, now baring all and facing him directly.

Negan reached for her hand, never looking away from her eyes and pulled her gently to him as he edged back onto the bed.

Marilyn put any and all anxious thoughts to the side. She had a bad habit of not living in the moment or allowing herself to feel after all of the bad things that had happened; after all the loss. For whatever reason, perhaps against all logic, being with Negan felt natural and right.

He guided her lips to his and kissed chastely on the lips at first as Marilyn adjusted herself on top of him. She locked her arms around the back of his neck and shuddered from the feel of her bare chest against his. When Negan began to lay kisses along the top of her chest along her collarbone she drifted a hand up the back of his head, entwining her fingers in his hair.

Marilyn pushed her hips down against him and felt him groan against her as his hands clutched her back, digging in his fingertips. It had been so long before that night since she'd had the touch of a man that his pressing hard-on inside his boxer-shorts made her moan.

Negan kissed her harder and slipped the band of his shorts down enough to give her the access that she needed. He took a breath in a break of their make-out session and looked down to guide her onto him.

Marilyn waited for him to look back up to her, and when his eyes met hers she made the move to up their intimacy to the next level as she lowered herself onto him. She watched as his eyes went from a yearning stare to slowing closing from the instant pleasure. When Marilyn let out a needy whimper Negan re-opened his eyes and grazed his lips against hers as he spoke.

"You fuckin' alright doll?" Negan asked, breathing into her mouth as she began to move slowly on top of him.

She kissed him as a response and immediately felt him fall back into the moment.

"Are you going to stay?" he asked.

Marilyn swallowed hard as he began to kiss her neck as they carried on. She replied with the only word she could manage to choke out. "Yes." When his hand drifted up to her face, Negan drew his thumb across her lips. She couldn't remember a moment so passionate in her entire life.

"Good."


	8. Enigma

The clean-up form the storm the following day didn't provide Marilyn with enough distraction from what had happened the night before. More than once she had been caught by her friend for drifting off in a daydream that disallowed her to complete her duties out on the ground of the Sanctuary. Each time she apologized and carried on, only to be drawn back into her thoughts once again.

Half of the questions Marilyn had after the first intimate encounter with Negan still remained, and over the course of the next half-a-day more surfaced. Still, she couldn't quite let go of the passionate night that she tried desperately to hold onto. The morning's run rays were almost a disappointment. Marilyn wouldn't have minded it a bit if she had been stuck for another day in Negan's bedroom.

The streaks of sunlight had filtered in through the dark gray drapes and she felt the beam of light caressing her face, urging her to wake up. Marilyn still could feel Negan's arm draped over her in his peaceful slumber beside her and the feel of his scruffy beard against the bare skin on the back of her shoulder. It was the call from the radio that woke him, and she was disappointed when he had gone from laying dormant beside her to on his feet, getting dressed and shouting commands into the handheld radio.

Neither of them had spoken much that morning, but Negan offered her some clothes to get from his room back to her own and they parted ways before emerging out onto the grounds of the Sanctuary.

"Hey space cadet," Nina snapped her fingers and tossed some large branches into a wheelbarrow.

"Huh?" Marilyn turned to her and raised her eyebrows, all images of Negan drifting from her immediate thoughts with the intervention of her friend's voice.

"I was so worried that you got stuck out here yesterday," Nina went on, "What happened? Where did you go?"

"Oh, um..." She scrambled to come up with an adequate response. "I bolted to that building and there was a couch in the lobby." Marilyn shrugged, "I hunkered down there because of the storm."

"I thought you were right behind me. I'm so sorry I just kind of... bailed."

"It's alright," Marilyn assured her, shaking her head.

"Did you get to eat or anything? Did you even have blankets?"

 _Plenty of them_ , she thought to herself but shrugged in response. "It was alright." Marilyn thought for a moment and recognized that neither she nor Negan had anything to eat all night. In fact, she hadn't even thought of it until Nina brought it up.

"It looks like all of our work from the last few days was ruined," Nina pointed out, looking around the garden. "Most of it anyway."

"We can rebuild," Marilyn told her, trying to stay both positive and focused.

"Yeah..." Her friend's voice dragged but she continued what she was doing. "I wonder when Negan is going back to that Alexandria community place after what happened."

"What do you mean?"

"The last few runs have been from that Ezekiel guy and I heard the liquor came from the Hilltop."

Marilyn focused fully on her friend. "What happened at Alexandria?"

"I thought we talked about this," Nina claimed, "No?"

"I don't think so." She shook her head.

"That woman took a shot at Negan but it hit his bat... Lucille."

"What?"

"It saved his life," Nina went on. She gave a laugh, "From what I hear he was really lucky."

Marilyn swallowed hard, "Where did you hear that?"

"I overheard Dwight and some people talking about it."

She sighed. "Well, I'm glad he's alright." Marilyn reached down and began to pick up sticks.

"Speak of the devil..."

The two of them turned at the same time, hearing Negan's barking voice. "This place looks like shit," he observed, "But I'll fuckin' take it. Could have been a lot fuckin' worse."

Marilyn almost turned away to avoid what felt like an unavoidable awkward moment.

"Ladies you're going to need to do a lot of replanting," Simon claimed, beginning to break away from Negan to walk by them. He laughed, "That sucks."

Negan made brief eye contact with Marilyn and then called out one of his top guys. "I'm glad you think this shit's fuckin' funny."

Simon turned, taken off-guard. His eyes widened a bit. "I don't."

"Well, you're fuckin' laughing like it is," Negan went on, "They had all kinds of shit fuckin' planted that's going to fuckin' feed you... now a lot of that's fuckin' gone because of that shit storm that blew in here last night."

He swallowed hard. "I... didn't mean it like that."

Negan placed his bat on his shoulder and stared Simon down for a minute before switching his attention to further examine the area. "Anything get fuckin' saved?" he asked, looking from person to person before finally settling his eyes on Marilyn.

"Some pepper plants over here," she told him. "And I think the tomatoes down that end are still in tact."

Negan didn't break eye contact. "That's a fucking start I guess. Any chance we can get some more going today?"

Marilyn nodded. "The area's mostly clear of branches now. We can start planting more."

He responded simply, keeping his eyes on her for another second or two before turning toward Simon. "Good."

She sighed, as if she was just released from a spell he'd put on her.

Negan waved a hand to Simon, "Let's hit the back wall and make sure they're still fuckin' strong." He turned back to them. "At four o'clock call it a fuckin' day, grab some dinner and rest up the rest of the night."

There were nods all around from the women in the area and then Negan and Simon went on their way.

Marilyn wasn't sure what to feel. For once she would have welcomed Nina's teasing, or Negan comments. The truth was, she was dying to talk about him in some way, shape or form but Nina didn't so much as bring him up once the rest of the afternoon. Marilyn had starters running through her mind as to how she could bring him up in conversation without seeming odd or awkward. The woman in her was also dying to confess everything to Nina, but it appeared as though Negan wasn't prepared to make their encounter public information.

His question from the night before echoed in her mind: _Your little friend there gunna get nosy if you don't make it back to your room tonight?_

To Marilyn, that was enough for her to keep her mouth shut. The last thing she wanted to do was make Negan mad or put a damper on her chances to repeat the type of night they'd shared together. She didn't know what to make of the way Negan addressed her in front of the others and she suddenly began to wonder if he anticipated moving on; not looking back. Marilyn wanted him even more now and she had no idea where they stood.

 _He just got up and was ready to leave this morning_ , she thought to herself, _but he appeared to genuinely care about me._

Marilyn had never been so willing to give herself to someone physically. She counted in her head to make sure she was right, enamored with the number of times Negan had woken her with a soft touch that led to a kiss that exploded into much more; or stirred beside her until she turned to him and the end result was the same.

Bits and pieces of their night replayed through her mind in waves like DVD that was skipping from scene to scene. _Your vulnerability is freaking me out._ Marilyn almost repeated the words aloud. _You and me both honey._

What did it all mean? Marilyn had no idea and she was already beginning to drive herself crazy and decided that she had to let it go... at least to an extent. If Negan came back to her she would welcome him with open arms. If he didn't then she could write off the night as possibly one of the best of her life and then move on... or try to.

"Almost four o'clock girls," one of the women shouted quietly across the garden. She smiled and looked around, making Nina and some of the others give a subtly fist pump or a thumbs up.

Marilyn smiled and did her best to get a few more things planted before the shift was over.

"I'm exhausted," Nina finally said. She wiped sweat off her forehead. "I swear if another gust of wind ruins all of this I'm going to be pissed."

"Me too," Marilyn agreed with a nod. "We got a lot replaced today."

She put her hands on her hips and stared around at the ground. "Yeah..." A smile formed on her face, "We did." Nina let out a tired sigh, "I'm going to bed early tonight."

"Okay ladies," Negan appeared for the first time in hours, "You're free for the day. Good fuckin' work. Shit looks fuckin' immaculate."

"Praise from the boss man," Nina whispered, "Bonus."

"Nina! Christine!" he called them over and Nina's eyes widened.

Marilyn felt a twinge of jealousy as he called over her friend and their other co-worker rather than her. She watched as he pointed around the building and the two women nodded repeatedly before darting off.

"Have some more shit for you ladies out front," Negan explained to the rest of them. "It'll be down in the wash room as soon as they fuckin' get back with it."

Several other women thanked him and Marilyn chimed in with a nod.

"Go ahead," he urged, "You did all you needed to do for the day. Go wash up and eat." Negan looked to Marilyn, "I'll give you a half hour in the morning off tomorrow if you come help me with some shit."

Marilyn looked around seeing that the rest of the women were far too preoccupied with cleaning up and getting out of the garden than to pay a lick of attention to the two of them.

"Okay," she agreed and then followed him as he waved her with him. Marilyn felt her nerves return and she looked over her shoulder as he opened a door to another brick building nearby and then put a hand out.

"After you."

She nodded and headed inside, feeling him enter a step behind her as the door closed.

Negan reached into his jacket and handed Marilyn a stack of three granola bars.

"What's this for?" she asked.

"You didn't get your fuckin' breakfast this morning." He looked at her.

"Thank you."

Negan nodded and looked around the empty room he'd pulled her into. "You're welcome."

His stare was almost too intense... like most of the last twenty-four hours had felt. At the same time he leaned toward her, Marilyn's hands fell instinctively against his chest and he kissed her. Almost immediately his pursuit of her became more needy, more forceful than the night before.

Marilyn struggled to keep up with him, letting her hands latch onto the collar of his leather jacket as took on a more dominant position the way he had in her dream as his tongue aggressively explored her mouth.

"Negan," the radio clipped to his belt sounded off. "We got a loose board on the wall on the west... just one."

Negan let out a deep breath and released her with one hand to grab the radio. "How fuckin' bad is it?" he choked out.

Marilyn swallowed hard and felt his hand that was still latched against her lower back pull her tighter against him as he continued to talk to whoever was on the other end.

"Not terrible."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"We can patch it."

Negan clenched his jaw. "I'll be right fuckin' down there."

Marilyn felt a wave of disappointment pass through her as the moment between them suddenly came to an abrupt end. Still, he didn't immediately let go of her and tucked the radio back on his belt.

"Keep those fuckin' granola bars for yourself," Negan told her, keeping his lips close to hers. "I know you're all fuckin' unselfish and shit... but sometimes you have to think about yourself."

"Okay," she agreed, looking slightly upward at him. "Thanks Negan."

"If anyone asks your helped me carry fuckin' boxes from the first floor to the second."

Marilyn nodded. "Okay."

"Okay."

They stood a few inches apart and Negan reluctantly pulled away. "If I start again I'm not going to be able to stop." He ran a hand along her face, regaining that sensual control. "And I have to fuckin' go."

"So... what is this?" Marilyn wasn't sure if she meant the night, the moment or what they were both feeling in general. He had already made his clear that he didn't want her to be a part of his harem of women.

"You going to be hanging around your room after dinner?" His voice and body alike oozed with an arousal that he couldn't mask.

"Yeah."

"Then I'd fuckin' call this unfinished business." Negan stared down at her for another second and then pushed back out the door.

Marilyn stood there in the empty room for a moment still uncertain of where they stood and drew a hand against her neck. The fleeting moment had escalated and ended so abruptly that she was left, again, reliving the painfully exciting enigma of Negan wondering in her mind when they would meet again.


	9. Hey Jude

Five o'clock, six o'clock, seven o'clock... The hours ticked by and Marilyn alternated between reading, watching television and snacking on the bars that Negan had given her. By eight o'clock she wondered if he would be by her room that night or not. She had begun to talk herself out of her original thoughts that she felt were so crystal clear at the time.  
 _  
Maybe he didn't mean he would come by_ , she thought tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. _Someone could see him_ , she reminded herself, _but why would that matter? Who would care or even dare to say anything to him if they knew the two of them were somehow involved? Is he ashamed to let people know that he was with me?  
_  
Down time - it used to be such a welcomed, cherished thing but now the free time gave Marilyn far too much time to think... and overthink. At least since she recognized her attraction to Negan.

Marilyn paced the room to the window, attempting to see out into the darkening world outside. Random workers paced the grounds but all in all the area was dormant; lowkey. Out on a tower in the distance a pair of guards stood with guns overlooking the area. Their presence made Marilyn feel safe; secure.

She sighed and reached for a cup of water on a small table beneath the window and then reached for a book and settled down in the center of her bed. Marilyn used to search for romance novels or dramas to pass the time as they were typically the opposite of the world around her. Now, she was more than content with an old Steven King novel that replaced her anxious feelings about Negan with those for the characters on the run from an evil clown within the pages of fiction.

IT. She had seen the movie at a sleepover as a kid and the sharp-toothed monster of a circus clown haunted her dreams for weeks afterwards. The book, she felt, painted a more creative picture and over the course of forty-five minutes or so she couldn't bring herself to put it down.

When a knock came at the door Marilyn almost jumped and stared straight ahead letting out a sigh. She swallowed hard and folded the page over to keep her place and set the book down on her nightstand. For a moment she didn't move and then let her brain catch up and swung her legs off the side of the bed.

Another series of light knocks willed her to the door. Marilyn reached for the doorknob, turning it slowly before edging the door open. When she saw Negan standing there she opened the door wider and he aided in pushing it open with his right hand. His left hand secured Lucille on his shoulder.

"Hi," he said simply.

"Hi," Marilyn said back. She stepped to the side, allowing him access to enter the room.

Negan looked to the left and right down the empty corridor and then stepped in, shutting the door behind him. His eyes scanned the walls and the decorative spin Marilyn put on the room.

"How's this place fuckin' working for you?" He set Lucille down against a little table a step inside the door and unzipped his jacket.

Marilyn smiled, hoping that meant he would be staying for awhile. "It's great," she admitted with a nod.

"Plenty of fuckin' light in here during the day?" Negan motioned to the pair of windows and removed his jacket, leaving him in black jeans and a white t-shirt.

"Yeah lots," she said with a nod. "Plenty of room too."

"That was the idea." He smirked to himself and eyed an old record player in the corner of the room, spotting a pair of Beatles records against the wall next to it. "No shit... I didn't even know we had this shit."

Marilyn shrugged. "It works."

Negan crossed the room and squatted down, reading the track lists on the back of both and the settled one down on the player. "I haven't listened to a record since I was a fuckin' kid." He set the needle down and almost immediately Eleanor Rigby began to play.

She smiled and gave a light laugh as he turned the volume down just slightly so they could talk. "Can I ask you something?"

He crossed back over to where she was and took a seat on the edge of the bed while she continued to stand. "Sure." Negan looked her in the eye, baring no fear in his eyes for her potential question.

"You gave me this nice room for a reason... right?"

With only the slightest hesitation he nodded. "Yes."

"Why?"

"Sometimes a genuine fuckin' person deserves a little extra something."

"You didn't even know me when you gave me this," Marilyn reminded him, "I mean... we barely know each other now."

"Observation can be more effective than conversation sometimes," Negan explained, "I think you know what I'm fuckin' talking about."

She read his eyes and felt a nervous flutter travel the length of her back. Marilyn _did_ know what he was talking about. She spent weeks and months studying Negan, trying to decipher what his stares meant, what his motives were and what lingered beneath the image he showed off to the general public. He was far too charismatic and had just a big personality to have only one layer to him.

"I do," she confessed with a nod. Marilyn swallowed hard, "You said I reminded you of someone."

Negan looked down, cleared his throat and then looked back up. Marilyn's _observation_ was that he was buying himself a few extra seconds to search for a response he felt was appropriate; to say the words the right way.

 _There is a lot of unspoken communication that goes a long way_ , she told herself.

"I'm sure you've heard a lot about me," Negan said, "I do shit that maybe people shouldn't do; things I wouldn't have done in the real fuckin' world before all these things started mauling the human population." He studied her facial feature and kept going, "But believe it or not... I fuckin' loved somebody once... before all this shit. I had a wife." His eyes drifted to the baseball bat by the door, "Her name was Lucille."

Marilyn raised her eyes. "I didn't know that."

"She died just before this all happened... fuckin' cancer." Negan shook his head and a ran a hand through his hair. "She was a saint of a woman for putting up with my shit. She was genuine, unselfish..."

Marilyn recognized the words he used to describe his late wife, the same words he used to describe her. "She sounds like a great woman."

"She was," he confirmed, "I didn't deserve her plain and fuckin' simple." Negan looked around the room and then refocused on Marilyn, who hadn't looked away from him. "Everything about you..." He shook his head, "Your long dark hair, the expressions you make sometimes... you're a good fuckin' person, it's in your nature. I know you shared the water and the sun block and all the other shit I've given you."

"I just-"

"It's okay," Negan cut her off before she could plead her case, "Most people, especially now, wouldn't do that shit. They'd take every last fuckin' thing they could - myself included."

"You give to all of us," Marilyn reminded him.

He shook his head. "No... no I fuckin' give to you. What you get," Negan huffed a laugh to himself, "most people don't."

"It's all because I look like your wife?" she asked.

"It's because you remind me that there's more, or there was more... than all this fucking shit. More than the killing and the fuckin' fighting."

"I thought," Marilyn bit her tongue but decided to continue, "I thought you liked that stuff."

"Like it?" Negan shook his head, "I do this shit to survive honey. I do what I have to fuckin' do the only way I know how; the way that's been fuckin' working. Shit, sooner or later it may fuckin' blow up in my face but what's not broken shouldn't necessarily be fixed."

She nodded. "Makes sense."

"I haven't slept beside a woman in years," Negan confessed.

"But don't you... you have those women." Marilyn couldn't put the sentence together without feeling a twinge of jealousy.

"They don't..." he took a breath, "... sleep in my room. We don't do that."

"Why?"

"They just don't." Negan stared at her. "I didn't think I'd miss that fuckin' shit, I really didn't... but waking up next to you this morning..." It almost looked like he was rolling his eyes at himself, "Fuck... I don't know."

Marilyn let out a deep exhale through her nose. "I know how you feel."

The record player went on to the next tune, sending the opening lines of Hey Jude through the air and Negan looked over his shoulder for a minute. He walked over and turned the music up before returning to her.

"Does anyone know you're here?" she asked.

"No." He looked into her eyes. "Why?" Negan began to trace the curve of her face with his hand.

"I'm... just asking." Marilyn felt her heart rate pick up and placed her hand over his, taking just the pad of his thumb in between her lips as he continued to examine her face with his fingertips.

"If people don't know... then people can't fuckin' care," Negan told her. "I don't want your fuckin' friends saying shit about you."

"Okay," she said quietly, cautiously resting her hands on the waistline of his pants.

Negan looked down, sensing she was still too hesitant to make the move herself and then looked back up to meet her gaze, keeping his hand rested where her jawline met the top of her neck. He then leaned down and kissed her once on the lips, and undid the top button on his pants with his free hand.

He closed his eyes when she found the confidence to follow his lead and brought her face back to his to kiss her again. "This isn't all I fucking want from you," Negan confessed.

Marilyn carefully unzipped his pants and bit down on her bottom lip when she felt his teeth graze her neck. "I know," she whispered back. The truth was she _did_ know, but she wasn't sure what else it was that he wanted from her. In the moment she didn't care, and allowed the natural progression of their actions lead her to the center of her bed where he modestly threw the sheets over the two of them as they carried on.

* * *

Nina passed by Marilyn's room for the second or third time as she went about some errands and carried on with her evening and sang along with the mellow lyrics to the middle of The Beatles song as she passed by.

"Na... na, na... na na na na... Hey Jude..." Nina smiled to herself, envisioning the occasional silly night she'd had with her best friend at the Sanctuary where they sang their own private karaoke to get through a rough day.

As she passed by she doubled back and gave a light knock on Marilyn's door. When no one responded she turned the handle and smiled as she pushed open the door, expecting to see Marilyn singing along to herself. At first glance when the room only held a dim light she wasn't sure what to make of the surroundings. Like a domino effect Nina spotted Negan's bat against the small table to the door, and then his leather jacket and boots scattered along the floor before Nina's jaw dropped at the sight of what she assumed was Marilyn's hands pressed against his muscular upper back, the only parts of them that were visible from beneath the covers.

Without another thought she slipped back into the hall and closed the door as quietly as possible behind her before putting her hand on her forehead and leaning against the brick wall next to the door. She let out a quiet laugh and looked around. "No fucking way," she said to herself.

Nina glanced back at the door to her friend's room and then hurried back to her own.

 _I am going to have a ton of questions for Marilyn out at work tomorrow._


	10. Little Details

"Dwight! Arat!" Negan shouted. "Moving the fuck out now! Let's go!" He lifted himself into the passenger seat of a big, black truck.

Marilyn, Nina and the others rounded the corner as they headed toward the food hall for a brief, mid day lunch break. A handful of trucks passed by as they walked and Marilyn tried not to pay much attention. She saw Negan's elbow leaning out the window of a truck that hadn't yet hit the road.

Negan hadn't looked in their direction as he appeared preoccupied with a piece of paper he was reading and subconsciously began to whistle the tune to Hey Jude.

Nina turned to Marilyn when she picked up on the lyric-less version of the song and couldn't help but let out a little laugh. "There goes Negan," she commented, attempting to draw a reaction from her friend when the truck finally started.

"Yeah..." Marilyn watched them go and thought aloud. "I wonder which community they're going to."

"Alexandria," Kathy, another garden worker informed them from behind.

Marilyn had a fleeting, uneasy feeling from Nina's claims of Negan almost being shot there. She let it pass and tried to focus on her work and more directly on the small bout of free time they were about to have around the lunch table.

"Girls!" Negan shouted as they passed. "Take a full hour for lunch today." He looked back to the driver and nodded his head forward. "Go."

Enthusiasm radiated out of their little group and Nina nudged Marilyn. "What's gotten into him?"

"I don't know," Kathy intervened from behind them. "But I ain't complaining."

"Yeah..." Marilyn smiled and looked down and then to Nina who appeared as if she was waiting for her to say something. "What?"

"Nothing." She smiled and stepped aside to allow their coworkers to pass by.

Marilyn eyed her friend suspiciously and looked around them. When the door to the hall closed and they were left alone a step outside, Nina smiled and couldn't suppress an amused laugh.

"What's going on?" Marilyn asked.

"I'm a terrible liar," Nina confessed.

"What are you lying about?"

"I... know."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows. "Know what?"

Nina cleared her throat. "I know why Negan was just whistling the tune to Hey Jude."

She opened her mouth to talk and then stopped. Marilyn wasn't wholly sure what to say and looked around the immediate area.

"I'm not going to tell anybody," Nina went on.

"How... how do you-"

"I opened your door last night... and then I closed it right away."

"Oh my God," Marilyn put her hand on her forehead.

"I didn't see anything."

"Nina... you cannot tell anyone." Panic rose in her voice.

"I won't," she vowed, "I promise. Why didn't you tell me? How long-"

"Not long," Marilyn finished. "We..." she took a deep breath. "You know the night of the storm?"

"Oh my God." Nina let out a laugh. "You...spent the night with him?"

She nodded. "That was the first time."

"Wait... did you sleep in there with him?"

Marilyn nodded.

"Isn't that against his little rules? I mean for his wives or whatever..."

"I'm not..." she lowered her voice. "I'm not a wife. He doesn't want me to be one."

Nina pressed her eyebrows together. "Are you going to tell me you guys were just hugging under the covers?" She let out a laugh and Marilyn swatted her arm.

"He doesn't want me to be one of them," she went on. "It's such a fucked up situation I know."

"Wait but really... you're sleeping together but he doesn't want you to be a part of the harem?"

Marilyn shrugged. "I wasn't planning this. I don't know."

Nina thought for a moment and let a smile spread across her face. "How is he in bed?"

She felt her face grow hot. "I don't know."

Her jaw dropped. "Come on. Fill a girl in."

Marilyn sighed. She was dying to get it all off her chest but was modest about private life just the same. "He's... good." The description was so vague she knew Nina would press for better details.

"He seems like the wham, bam, thank ya ma'am type."

She shook her head. "No, he... he was actually really... nice. I was going to leave his room the first night and he asked me to stay. He was..."

"What?" Nina's eyes were as wide as her smile.

"I don't know... gentle. He kissed me, he said nice things..." When Marilyn sighed as she relived the past few days her friend smiled back.

"You like him... I mean for more than just the sex."

"I don't know how I feel."

"He's always had eyes for you," Nina went on.

"No."

"Yes." She nodded adamantly. "I know I always teased you but he gives you things, he got us all those towels so we wouldn't have to air dry or use our dirty clothes to dry off." Nina's mouth dropped open. "He gave you the sun screen too didn't he?"

"He..." Marilyn paused. "Dwight did."

"From Negan." When she didn't reply Nina nodded as she went back to her original thought. "I always knew he had a serious thing for you. I guess he was just choosing his moment." She opened the door to the food hall. "I need to hear head-to-toe details about how all of this went down. Can I come by tonight or do you have a date when he gets back?"

"Nina..."

"Okay I'm sorry... too much teasing. But really. Can I come by?"

"Yes," Marilyn told her. "But please... don't say anything."

"I won't."

"I'm serious. I don't want people to think..." she shrugged.

"I promise I won't say anything to anyone," Nina swore, and then added. "As long as I get some more details later."

Marilyn finally managed a laugh despite how uneasy she felt after Nina's confession. "Deal."

The two of them walked into the building and headed toward the now short line for plates of food. They each grabbed a plate and headed to a table of women where Nina purposely kept giving Marilyn looks.

"Marilyn!" A male voice called out, "Who's Marilyn?"

"Uh-oh," Kathy looked across the table. "What'd you do girl?"

Marilyn felt a blush rise in her cheeks again and her stomach turned in knots. She stood up. "Right here."

Everyone stared in her direction and Marilyn felt completely on the spot as a big, bulky man with a bushy beard walked toward her holding a handheld radio.

"I was instructed to give this to you," he said firmly, extending his arm toward her.

Marilyn looked down at the Sallie talkie and slowly took it from his hand. She didn't argue. "Okay."

"Keep it on the channel it's on and keep it with you."

"What's this for?"

"Negan's orders." A hint of arrogance and annoyance rang in his voice.

"Okay," Marilyn repeated. When the man walked away she took it as her cue to sit down. When all eyes remained on her Nina came to her aid.

"Oh I think it's to make sure we're all out of the food hall within the hour like he said." She looked at Marilyn. "Just now... remember."

Marilyn cleared her throat. "Yeah... must be."

"How dare we take an hour and five minutes," one of the women remarked and then drew laughs and comments from many of the others until everyone was engaged in their own conversations again.

Nina gave Marilyn a subtle wink and then they continued to eat. Marilyn was used to her emotions being high by now but it didn't make dealing with them any easier. She tried to enjoy her lunch but honestly had no idea what the radio was for.

Life has been full of surprises lately, she thought. What's one more.


	11. Mission

Nina had pumped Marilyn for every last bit of information about Negan as the two of them sat together in Marilyn's room. While she swore her friend to secrecy there was a part of her that knew she had to tell Negan the truth about Nina knowing what was going on. He had been adamant that it was her own image that he was worried about, but keeping it from him felt wrong.

The end of their conversation left Marilyn scratching her head when Nina asked. "So... how do you feel about all of it?"

She wasn't sure what to say or where she stood. There were so many mixed feelings that poured through her, but she did know that there was _something_ there for Negan - something that had been brewing inside of her long before he had approached her.

"I really... I don't know," Marilyn confessed. "I don't know how I should feel. I probably should know at 31 years old." She shrugged and shook her head.

"I think on behalf of all the garden staff I can say thank you," Nina said with a chuckle, "He's been pretty damn good to us... and it's totally because of you."

"No." She shook her head. "God, I feel guilty for some reason."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I barely know him." Marilyn hesitated before she said the next sentence at the chance of sounding corny. "But I feel like I know him... like really know him."

"There is no reason to feel guilty," Nina assured him. "Especially when you love someone," she added, slicking her tongue across her teeth with a grin as Marilyn gave her a look.

"Careful," she replied, shaking her head.

"I'm kidding... but I am so intrigued. You have to fill me in and let me live vicariously through you with this thing."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows. "What you've thought of having this weird, unspoken connection with Negan that eventually leads you into his..."

"Bedsheet," Nina finished with a laugh, "No... I just miss watching those cheesy soap operas so I'll take it."

"Great..." she rolled her eyes. "Look, you really can't tell anyone about this. It's so out of character for me. I'm-"

"I won't," she promised. "I really won't Marilyn... but I don't know why you care so much. You're a good person and everyone knows it. Who cares if you have a sex life like the rest of us... the guy you're doing just happens to be a big fucking deal."

Marilyn shook her head and looked down with a sheepish grin. "Who are you having sex with?"

"I've dabbled," Nina raised her eyebrows with a laugh, making Marilyn laugh too. She stood up from the bed. "Well... I'm going to head back. See you in the morning?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Thanks for the talk. I think I needed to get it all off my chest."

The two of them shared a hug and then Nina's eyebrows pressed together. "What was with the walkie talkie? I almost forgot about it."

"I... I don't know."

"He's not back yet, is he?"

Marilyn shook her had. "Honestly your guess is as good as mine."

Nina shrugged. "Alright lady. I'll stop badgering you now." She gave a little wave and headed to the door before Marilyn was left alone in her room.

The silence was deafening and her lost thoughts led her into the later hours of the night. The book _IT_ hit a slow patch, the music she had available reminded her of Negan and the scent of whatever product he used in his hair still clung to her pillow.

Insanity... that's how it had all begun to feel for Marilyn. She couldn't focus on anything else for lengthy periods of time and reluctantly welcomed the time she had with Nina to talk about Negan and everything that had gone on. He had completely swooped in and taken over her mind. Now, she laid there worrying for his safety. Was he back? Was he not? If he was back then why hadn't he tried to contact her.

 _Is this what love feels like, or maybe infatuation..._ she wondered, attempting to compare her current feelings with those of her past. She traced her love life back to her first big crush in seventh grade - Kenny Hamilton. From there she thought to her first real boyfriend as a sophomore in high school. Her second boyfriend as a senior and the collection of failed relationships as she brushed through her twenties. There were lots of likes, and possibly that first taste of puppy love as a teenager but none of it made her feel as crazy as her feelings for Negan.

Marilyn glanced over at that radio, eying the red light that let her know the battery life was still good. She picked it up, contemplating what to do. The part of her that was ready to walk off a ledge for him wanted to press the button and shout his name into the receiver hoping he would answer. The sane, stabile woman told her not to be ridiculous.

She set it back down on the nightstand by her bed and took in a deep breath through her, remembering the near death experience Nina had described. Marilyn knew Negan and his men were going to Alexandria that day and since they had left before the lunch hour she hadn't heard from him

The clock read twelve-fifteen and Marilyn could tell there was no sleep in her immediate future. With that she decided to do her own little investigative work to see if they had returned. The feeling of slinking around get her a jolt of adrenaline that she welcomed but didn't know if it was a good or bad thing to feel so alive from it. From a neatly folded pile of clothes she changed out of her casual shorts into a pair of jeans and tossed a tight black V-neck t-shirt over the top of it complete with a pair of sneakers.

She looked around the room, snatched the handheld radio and made her way out of her room, down the hallway and flights of stairs to the first level. Her first thought was the loading dock. Marilyn knew if they had returned successfully from Alexandria that the trucks they stored things in would be settled out front the way they were the night that Negan had given her the towels.

She wasn't sure if she was breaking a rule by quietly slipping through the shadows, but knew her body language would certainly feel suspicious if Dwight, Simon or one of the other guys found her - possibly even Negan.

Marilyn almost let a sliver of doubt deep enough into her mind to make her turn around and abort her lust-filled, boredom-ridden mission. Still, she continued on, needing some type of adrenaline to overtake her fresh bout of insomnia.

The loading dock wasn't overly far from her building, and when she turned the first corner she could see the outline of the extra large trucks. The self-proclaimed crazy thoughts returned to her mind and Marilyn wondered again why he hadn't called up for her. With a hint of paranoia and hope she turned the knob on the radio until the volume was all the way up.

A few men made trips in and out of the vehicles but she didn't see Negan.

 _I'm glad he's safe at least_ , she thought.

Marilyn made her way closer, attempting not to be seen and ducked back into the shadows when she heard a few men approaching, talking loudly and laughing. When they passed she continued on, shoving her hands into her pockets. Part of her wanted to be spotted by Negan, but the other part of her knew she couldn't pass her journey to him for just a casual stroll. It was after midnight and she felt desperate doing what she was doing.

Her eyes scanned the men on the trucks. There was Simon... Dwight... she listened as they shouted commands. Arat made her way from the truck to the closest building with her arms full of supplies.

 _Where is he?_ Marilyn thought, raising her eyebrows now as she leaned her whole body in the direction of the trucks as if to lend all of her senses to solving the mystery she'd created in her mind.

"What're you doing?" A voice asked casually behind her, making Marilyn jump and spin around.

"Holy fucking shit," she choked out, putting a hand on her chest before standing wide-eyed and open-mouthed.

"The mouth on you." Negan grinned wide and leaned an arm on the brick wall next to where they stood. He ran his tongue across his teeth and stared her up and down.

"I'm, uh..." Marilyn cleared her throat. She couldn't think of anything logical to say.

Negan looked like he was practically ready to go into a giggle fit, still sporting a hefty grin. He eyed the handheld radio she had clipped to her jeans. "Couldn't wait for my call huh?" His was was lighthearted but curious.

"I was just w..." Marilyn felt silly for what she was about to say.

Negan cocked his head slightly to the side and raised his eyebrows, letting remnants of his wide grin continue to pull up st the corners of his mouth. Amusement plagued his features.

"You were what?" He asked, voice extra low and gravelly.

Marilyn cleared her throat and hesitantly spit it out. "I was worried... because I heard what happened the last time at Alexandria."

"Shit honey..." Negan crinkled his nose and chuckled. He glanced over her shoulder toward the trucks and then refocused back on her. "Why don't you and I take a little walk?"

"Now?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Unless you're too tired."

"No." Marilyn shook her head and Negan smiled again.

"Good," he said, "I think we should have a fuckin' talk."

When he held his arm out she linked hers through his and then took a deep breath as they began their walk away from the buildings.


	12. Check Mate

Marilyn didn't know where Negan was taking her. He was so full of surprises and hard to read that she could never guess what he was going to do, or even sometimes why he did what he did. It was part of the initial attraction to him - the mystery, the games... all of it. The other part was how genuine he could be behind closed-doors despite his brutally honest, fiery persona he showed off to the rest of those around them.

"Why are you so on edge around me doll?" Negan couldn't contain a smirk as the nature of her reaction to him a few minutes before still had his humorous side hooked.

"I'm not."

He huffed a laugh. "Observation... I'm good at that shit. I can fuckin' tell you're on edge."

Marilyn managed a small smile. "I just didn't expect you to be... right behind me." She raised her eyebrows. "I wasn't snooping or anything."

Negan grinned and looked down when her hand tightened around his arm. "You don't have to be fuckin' scared of me," he told her.

"I'm not... scared of you." She shook her head, looking up toward the tops of the trees as they began to walk the perimeter of the Sanctuary. If it weren't for the walls and the occasional outside sounds of the walkers things would have seemed normal; peaceful. For what the world was, things were. The air was warm but comfortable, a slight breeze blew in the air and stars were scattered in little patterns above them. Marilyn took a deep breath and then looked at him more directly as they walked. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

He glanced around when they stood at a vacant corner on the grounds and then stopped. "Well... I ain't said this shit in a long time." Negan thought for a moment, "Fuck, I don't know if I've ever said this." He laughed and saw how he had the ability to quite literally freeze her in place and so he continued. "I think we kind of did things fuckin' backwards."

"Backwards?" Marilyn didn't know what he was referring to.

"Yeah," he laughed again, "See typically I don't fuckin' mind that shit... getting right to it with a good fuck." Negan put a hand on his chest and the other one out toward her, "If I offend you with my language that's just one thing you're going to have to fuckin' accept if you want to continue to be in my company... which I might add you certainly don't have to."

"Do you want me to?" she asked honestly, eyes wide with anticipation to his answer.

"Would I fuckin' be here if I didn't?" Negan tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-grin. "Look I know I said some shit the other night. We talked about some things but I'm glad I have you out here so you're not trying to jump my fuckin' bones." When Marilyn gave him a surprised look he could tell she was getting ready to plead her case with a load of embarrassment and so he began to laugh. "I'm fuckin' kidding honey." Negan felt content when she chuckled but went on. "Look, I brought you out here to find some more shit out."

"Like what?"

"Where you from?"

"Originally... Northern California."

His eyebrows nearly lifted to his hairline, "What the fuck are you doing in Virginia?"

"I was only out here for a few months before the outbreak." Marilyn shrugged. "And then everything went down hill from there." She looked at him again, "Are you from here?"

"Settled down in a town not far from here... worked as a fuckin' gym teacher and coached fuckin' football."

Marilyn grinned. "You were a gym teacher?"

"Something fuckin' wrong with that?"

She could tell now that he was kidding again and looked down with a laugh. "Not at all." Her eyes traveled the length of his body and she nodded. "I can see that."

"Were you married before?"

"No."

"With anyone?"

Marilyn shook her head and replied the same. "No."

"Why were you really down here tonight?"

She raised her eyebrows, caught off-guard by the sudden flip in his style of questions. "I... didn't know what the walkie was for. When nothing came of it I decided to head down to see if you were back; if you were alright." When he stared back at her eyes like a human lie detector she felt the anxious waves pass through her that had become all too familiar. "I couldn't sleep," she added.

Negan's face grew slightly more serious and he shook his head. "Don't worry about me."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows and wasn't quite sure how to respond. "Okay."

"I mean it," he told her, "I'm in and out all damn day and I'm starting to come to the reality that sooner or later somebody's going to fuckin' pop me." A slow smile spread across his face despite the hint of angst in his eyes.

She shook her head, feeling knots form in her stomach at the thought. "You told me not to be scared... but I'm scared of that... this place wouldn't be what it is without you."

"Someone could probably take my fuckin' place," Negan started to shrug, "Maybe not as well but-"

"Stop!" Marilyn felt a heat rise in her face from the force of the word she threw at him but it just came out.

He shook his head. "This is why I didn't for so long."

"What are you talking about?"

Negan kept his eyes on hers and this time he was the one to look away, "I've... had my fuckin' sights on you for awhile. I don't know if you could fuckin' tell-"

"I could," she admitted, making him flash a big smile.

"Was it that fuckin' obvious?"

"What do you mean this is why you didn't for so long?"

He drew a hand across his eyebrows and smiled again from her persistency. "It was pretty fuckin' obvious to me too," Negan confessed, "You gave me a look I could fuckin' spot from a mile away." He laughed once, "Shit..."

"You still didn't answer the question," Marilyn challenged.

"I didn't want you to feel this type of attachment," Negan told her, "I don't want you being worried about me. I don't want you to feel hurt if something fuckin' goes bad out there and I don't come back. I don't want you to feel a certain type of fuckin' feeling you only get from waking up next to that warm fuckin' body you've been craving."

She raised her eyebrows and challenged him some more. "You didn't want _me_ to feel those things?" she asked.

"That's right." He gave a confident nod, but his eyes squinted in such a way as they locked with hers that he could see that there was more she had to say.

"So you're saying you waited this long because you were concerned for my feelings?" Marilyn went on, "For my emotions?"

Negan nodded again. "Yeah."

"I believe you," she said with a nod, "Partially."

"What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you were worried about feeling that way." Marilyn took in a deep breath through her nose and wasn't sure if she was overstepping her boundaries but she didn't care. "That look... I could see that look in your eyes from a mile away too. I think you didn't want to risk feeling what you're feeling now."

Negan began to laugh and looked away. "Marilyn-"

"I think you didn't know if you could handle the emotions of waking up next to me."

"A little fuckin' egotistical aren't we?" He raised his eyebrows.

"No." Marilyn shook her head, "No, I call 'em like I see 'em."

"So call it," Negan challenged back. "Plain and fuckin' simple..." he paused and nodded at her, "Call it."

She put it in the simplest way she could put. Her own words almost made her laugh but the conversation was far too serious despite the outpour of laughs and jokes that Negan had been putting out there.

"I think you like me," Marilyn told him, "I think you really like me." It appeared as though he was telling himself to look away but he couldn't. Negan stared back at her and couldn't even crack his typical smile. "You put off meeting with me for so long because you were afraid of what you're feeling for me now."

 _Wow, did I really just say all of that?_ Marilyn thought to herself as the overwhelming adrenaline began to die back down.

Negan bit down on his tongue and kept his eyes involuntarily squinted. When he didn't speak Marilyn went on, knowing now that she was putting a lot out there on the table for him to do what he wanted with. She took his lack of response as a clue that she was spot on - at least partially.

"That is just my observation." Her voice dulled down a bit when she saw the same vulnerability in his body language from their first night together in his room. "Tell me if I'm wrong and I hope to God I'm not."

"Why?" he finally asked.

"Because a few weeks ago my attraction to you was just background noise in my life."

Negan looked her in the eye, regaining some control like a back-and-forth chess game. "And now?"

Marilyn swallowed hard. "Now... it's deafening." Her eyes shifted nervously though never left his.

"I wanted something fucking better for you."

She didn't know exactly what he meant. A lot of the time Negan's words felt more like riddles and she didn't know if he was being purposely vague or if it all just made sense to him in his head. "The world is dead," Marilyn reminded him. "I'll never see my family again. People are getting eaten by other people and bullets are firing every damn day like a warzone." She shook her head. "So I really don't know what _better_ you're talking about."

Negan was taken off-guard by her bold demeanor and all that she had to say. When he pulled her away with him he had planned on doing most of the talking, or most of the questioning. For the first time in awhile he felt like his core had been rocked and the control he often held so easily had been stripped from him by someone who would never abuse it.

"Why are you afraid of this?" she asked quietly.

Afraid. Negan hated the word. He hated particularly when the word applied to him, but he felt it. He knew it was why he had kept his distance. Marilyn was correct when she called him out. He wasn't scared of her falling for him, or longing for his company or wishing he was beside her late at night. It took her to say the words for them to sink. THe only thing Negan feared were his own feelings; he didn't want to be the one falling or longing or wishing for anyone. Now, he knew, it was too late.

 _Too fucking late_. He cursed at himself in his mind and shook his head.

When Marilyn took a step into his personal space he wanted to step back to prove to himself that he was stronger than that; that he could walk away if he wanted or needed to. But he didn't. Negan stayed right where he was and looked down, locking his eyes with her yet again when she closed the gap between them.

"The world is dead," Marilyn said again. She rested her hands on his chest and Negan had a single thought in his mind.

 _Check mate_. He didn't move and allowed her to continue.

"You said it yourself that one day we could be alive and the next we could be dead."

Negan cleared his throat and a lone, quietly spoken sentence was all he could manage. "I said _I_ could be."

Marilyn swallowed hard and continued to stare him down, slightly desperately now. "Why can't we just say fuck it?" She decided to speak his language, "Just say fuck it and go with what we're feeling."

Negan's mouth opened partway as she sucked on her bottom lip with her eyebrows pressed together awaiting for his response. He knew she was right. Things could end without so much as a moment's notice and being with Marilyn in all forms, whether intimately, listening to her snoring next to him or engaging in a flirtatious back-and-forth conversation, made him feel like he knew a man should. It was real - real like it had been before the start of the apocalypse and anything real had the potential to be lost. That was the major con; the element that had prevented Negan from pursuing her in the first place. Looking at her staring up at him right... he didn't care and went with what the sudden aching in his chest and the voice in his head were telling him.

He echoed her words and nodded, breathing once through his nose. "Fuck it." Negan grabbed her by her face and kissed her in a hard, long needy fashion and confirmed his thoughts and feelings by repeating the phrase more enthusiastically in a break in their kiss that left Marilyn grinning against his lips. "Fuckin' fuck it."


	13. Pancakes

Marilyn woke early the next morning to the sound of Negan moving about his room. The very first rays of sun began to creep in through the windows. When he sat down on the edge of the bed with his back to her she cleared her throat, prompting him to turn partway to her.

"Are you leaving?" she asked, drawing a hand across her sleepy eyes. Marilyn took in his attire - jeans, a white t-shirt and boots he was currently lacing up.

"We're heading back out to get some more things today."

"From where?"

Negan finished tying his shoe and then turned to face her more directly. "Alexandria."

Marilyn squinted her eyes. "I thought you just came from there."

"We did." He saw a hint of concern in her eyes and smirked. "I'll be back by lunch."

"Should I-" she began to sit up but he put a hand lightly on her shoulder.

"Take the fuckin' day off," Negan told her, still smiling. "Stay here until I get back."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows. She was overcome by the fact that he trusted her alone in his room. "Are you sure?"

"That wasn't a fucking order," he told her, "Leave if you fuckin' feel like but yeah... I'm sure."

"Okay." She gave a sleepy grin and Negan leaned over her on the bed and kissed her once. Marilyn secured an arm across the top of his shoulders and pulled him to her a little harder until he began to laugh against her lips.

"I have to fuckin' go doll." Negan kissed her several more times and then finally pulled back. "But I've got no fuckin' plans for the afternoon... so you're it sweetheart."

Marilyn couldn't contain a little laugh and sighed contently.

"Go back to fuckin' sleep." Negan parted from her and crossed the room to grab his jacket and then made his way to the door. "If you get tempted to come searching for me this time... don't get fuckin' caught." He winked again as she laughed and then hurried out the door.

Marilyn sat in the silence for a moment. She drew her hand up the silky gray sheet and then looked around the room. A part of her really couldn't comprehend Negan's instant trust in her but she was honored and quite frankly flattered.

She finally rose from where she laid and walked toward a book case across the way. The book collection was random; the shelves littered with a collection of fiction and nonfiction hardcovers. Most of the titles she didn't recognize.

Marilyn drew her fingers across one of the rows and then made her way to a corner table. Items were scattered across it - small knives, a map, a soft-covered book with the cover missing... In the back corner by the wall she reached for a rectangular card. When she turned it over in her hands she smiled, seeing it was Negan's drivers license.

 _Why would he still have this?_ Marilyn wondered.

The card's expiration date hadn't even come yet. While everyone always complained about their driver license photos, Marilyn thought Negan looked quite good. His face was fuller and his hair wasn't slicked back as it typically was now. It hung in a somewhat messy fashion down over his forehead and the trim beard he sported had a few less grays.

Six-foot-two, two-hundred and fifteen pounds. Green eyes. Brown hair. The address listed was a Virginia one and there were no indications he was an organ donor.

Marilyn ran her thumb over the photo and smiled. She tried to imagine him in his daily life. He had worked as a teacher and she could see him being a bit overbearing with the kids based on his demeanor in the Sanctuary.

 _I wonder what kind of car he drove_ , she wondered, _or what his house was like_.

Marilyn set the license back down where it had been and looked down at a drawer that was attached to the table. A part of her was tempted to open it to see what else she could find out about Negan but she didn't feel right snooping around - even if for the most innocent of reasons.

When a knock came at the door she jumped and then hurried back to the bed to gather up her clothes. Marilyn wasn't sure if she was supposed to answer or not but when a second round of knocks came she got dressed and carefully made her way to the door, opening it slowly.

A young man stood with a silver tray in his hands and looked like he was sweating or shaking or both.

"Are you M-Marilyn?" He stuttered.

"Yes." She was confused.

"I, uh, have some food for you."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows and allowed him in. Without another word he hurried in, set the tray down on the first table he saw and then hurried or just as fast.

"Wait!" She called to him.

"Huh?" He raised his eyebrows and jumped as if she had yelled at him.

"What is this for?"

"Negan told me if I didn't bring it up to you by the time the sun was up that he'd make my face look like Dwight's."

Marilyn didn't know whether to laugh or shudder because she knew he was serious. "Well... thank you."

He nodded and turned away just as quickly to get out of the area as fast as possible.

Marilyn closed the door with a deep breath and then made her way to the tray of food. There was fresh fruit, a bowl of oatmeal and freshly scrambled eggs. On the side was a glass of orange juice and a small cup of black coffee.

She reached for a piece of paper that stuck out from beneath the glass and smiled when she saw it was a note.

Written in all capital letters in red marker, the message read:

 **NEXT TIME I'LL SEND UP FUCKIN' PANCAKES. ENJOY DOLL.**

Marilyn couldn't keep a smile from her face. She imagined Negan saying the words aloud in his scratchy voice and it made her heart beat a little faster.

She pulled a chair out and decided to eat the food while it was hot and suddenly couldn't wait for Negan to return.

 _I can get used to this_ , she thought. Marilyn took in her surroundings again and gently stabbed a piece of cantaloupe with her fork. _I can definitely get used to this._


	14. Scotch

**Sorry for the delay. Going back and forth between writing two stories (and of course real life, haha).**

Marilyn couldn't fall asleep despite the late hour. She found herself waiting... and waiting... and waiting. Negan had joke with her about her inability to wait for his call but when she anticipated him being home in the early afternoon and night had fallen long ago, she couldn't help it.

The clock read eleven and the world was darkened all around her. The radio had begun to feel more like an enemy than a friend in times like this - like it was some element in the realm of purgatory that she couldn't touch.

She was thankful that this time she was in Negan's room rather than her own so she was sure he would return to her.

 _What if he doesn't?_ Marilyn's brain immediately challenged her attempt at rational thinking. _If he doesn't that mean something happened to him._

If there was one thing that Marilyn wasn't used to it was worrying. Her entire life she had been the calm one; the person in her circle of friends who made the right decisions, the safe decisions... Even when the walkers took over and things went to hell she'd held a clear head considering the circumstances and immediately got herself to safety. While her fighting skills and her ability to use a gun at the time were minimal, she managed to keep her cool when others around her fled into complete panic mode and ultimately their deaths.

 _So why am I panicking now?_ she asked herself, _Over a man._ Marilyn sighed. _Not just any man._

Thoughts of what Alexandria might be like filtered through her mind. Who was Rick? What was the woman like who fired a shot at him? Were they waiting for the right moment to attack him?

When the doorknob turned and the door slowly clicked open Marilyn jumped and immediately made eye contact with Negan. She felt foolish for being so jumpy but she would certainly take it over the anxiety. Seeing Negan's face made all over her emotions kick into overdrive. He was safe. He was home. He was with her.

"Did something happen?" she saw an underlying tenseness in his posture despite the slow, calm demeanor as he slunk into the room like a lazy cat.

Negan removed his jacket and then finally nodded. "Yes." He paced the room without saying another word and Marilyn would have been worried that he was mad at her if he didn't draw his hand across her stomach as he passed by her.

"What is it?" she walked after him but gave him space as he pulled a chair out from under a desk, reached for a bottle of liquor and poured himself a drink.

Negan turned to her and tipped the glass in her direction to offer her some. When she declined he proceeded to pour himself a hefty portion and then sat down.

"You're not hurt... right?" Marilyn asked.

He took a sip from the glass and sighed before placing it back down and shaking his head. "No." Negan half-smirked from the way she stood waiting so intently and then waved her to him.

Marilyn was so compelled by every move he made; every gesture; every word. She felt that same flood of relief in her body.

Negan pulled her down onto his lap, making her smile for the first time. He secured one arm around her and reached for his glass with the other. He let out a sigh and then lifted his eyes to meet hers. "We're going to fuckin' war."

Marilyn's smile slowly faded. "What do you mean?"

"We were attacked over there today," he explained, "Fuckin' ambushed. I was going to allow them to keep their shit this time too."

"Were people killed?" She raised her eyebrows.

Negan took another swig from the glass and pressed his eyes shut from the slow burn of the alcohol. "Yeah." He sighed, "Could've been any fuckin' one of us."

"Will they come here?" she asked. "It could've... you could've been-"

"I know." He set the glass down again and locked his hands together behind her back. "They won't come here. They don't have enough fuckin' people."

"Okay..." Marilyn knew there was more coming.

"The last couple of hours I've been planning some shit with my main guys," Negan told her, "Each guy has a fuckin' job and a small army to go with him. We have the numbers."

She cleared her throat. "When?"

"Soon," he replied. "We got a lot done on the planning tonight." Negan sighed and eyed the beverage again. When he looked back up at Marilyn he saw the worry in her eyes. He flashed a smile. "Don't look so fuckin' worried."

"It's a little late for that," Marilyn confessed. She locked eyes with him for a moment and then reached for the drink and took a sip that she intended to be much longer.

Negan watched intently when she brought the edge of the glass to her lips and let a slow grin spread across his face when he saw her immediately distaste for the liquor. He began to laugh lightly when she tried to hide it. "Good right?" he asked, sliding his tongue across his teeth.

"Mmm..." Marilyn set the glass back down, looked down at him and then laughed when he continued to. "What is it?"

"Scotch." Negan kept his eyes locked with hers in a borderline playful stare. "Ever have it?"

She shook her head. "I was more of a vodka-cranberry girl... or a nice, cold beer in the summer."

He chuckled. "I could've fuckin' guessed that." Negan reached back to take another shot-sized gulp from the glass and then offered it back up to Marilyn with a wide grin.

She smiled back with a short laugh and shook her head.

Negan nodded his head toward the radio on the nightstand across the room. "I can send up Dwight with a cold one for ya."

Marilyn continued to grin. "Three's a crowd."

"I like how you think honey." He finished the drink and pulled her more directly to face him. When she leaned down to kiss him Negan pulled back, leaning his head back with a taunting smile. "I taste like scotch."

"Maybe I'll like it better this way." She matched his smile with one of her own and leaned down to kiss him.

Negan slid his hand up the side of her neck and lightly grabbed the side of her face, allowing her to have the more dominant position over him. He moaned into the kiss and finally felt her pull back. "Where ya going?"

"No where." Marilyn laughed lightly as he guided her lips back to his. "You're safe right?" she pulled away again. "I mean really... you could've died today."

"Honey," Negan smiled even wider and his eyes appeared a bit heavier, "Do you know who the fuck I am? I run shit around here and just because I get a little fuckin' soft in here with you doesn't mean I give two fucks about anyone outside of those walls." He ran his hand through her hair and looked her up down. "We have the man power and just trust me when I say I know what the fuck I'm doing... okay?"

Marilyn nodded back and stopped thinking about it when Negan pulled her tighter against him, "Okay."


	15. Candy Bars

Marilyn walked down to her room with a big, cardboard box that Negan had given her. As she turned the doorknob she heard her friend's voice call to her in a loud whisper.

"Hey!" Nina scuttled down the hall and Marilyn raised her eyebrows. She waved her in and they entered the room together.

Nina grinned and shut the door behind them. "Where have you been?"

Marilyn set the box down and then opened the top drawer of her dresser. She grabbed two fistfuls of clothes and put them in. "I know," she flashed Nina a guilty look. "Things have been happening so fast."

"Are you moving out of here?" She motioned to the clothes.

"No." Marilyn shook her head. "No I'm just grabbing... a few things."

Nina reached for her left hand and tapped her ring finger. "No ring yet?"

"Stop it." She laughed but shook her head.

"I've, uh, gotten some extra food lately... and shorter shifts." Nina smiled. "I can't complain, but I do miss my best friend."

Marilyn smiled and hugged her. "I miss hanging out with you too. Even in this shitty world we manage to laugh and have fun." She sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "My emotions are all out of whack."

Nina looked at her with a tiny grin. "You're falling for him."

"I don't know." She put her hand on her forehead. "God, I didn't want this."

"Want what?"

"To feel like this." Marilyn shook her head and looked up at her friend. "It's overwhelming. I've liked a few guys before... I've liked them a lot. But I just can't stop thinking about him. I mean when he leaves for the day I can't wait for him to get back." She sighed. "I feel like a crazy person."

"You love him." Nina let out a little laugh.

"That's a big word Nina."

"No it's not. It's only got four letters," she teased.

Marilyn looked at her and then stood up and opened another drawer to put in more clothes. "Now were at war with these other people. He's the guy they're gunning for over there."

"He's Negan," Nina reminded her. "He's like... untouchable." She winked, "Well, not in all ways."

Marilyn rolled her eyes and grinned. "I'm sorry I haven't been around as much."

"Don't apologize. I just miss you. A lot of these other people are whiny and lame." She grinned and glanced around the room. "What else do you need for your sleepover?"

She laughed. "I'm just bringing some of the essentials."

Nina helped her load up some more clothes. "Think you could somehow get him to hook me up with a chocolate bar? I know they're floating around. Dwight was purposely pigging out on a KitKat in front of us." She made a face. "I can't stand that guy."

Marilyn snickered. "I'll see what I can do." She looked into the box that was filled nearly to the top. "I've told him I want to go back to working in the garden."

"Lady... enjoy your vacation." Nina laughed. "Or honeymoon or whatever this is."

"Stop." She laughed. "God, I hope he doesn't get sick of me."

"Tell him the truth," Nina told her. "Tell him the type of feelings you have for him."

"Oh yeah... right. Does Negan seem like the type of man that wants to talk about feelings?"

"I don't know, does he?" Nina shrugged. "You're the one that knows him behind closed doors."

"I don't want to... push him away. Things are good, like really good."

"Okay so don't." She smiled. "But if he's wining and dining you and asking you to stay for awhile..." Nina tapped the box. "I'd say he has to feel something for you."

Marilyn sighed as she thought about their interaction. "He's really... nice to me. It's all just intense... ya know? I'm not used to it all yet."

Nina smirked. "If you ever need to get something off your chest, I'm here."

"Thanks." She nodded and grabbed the now full cardboard box, hugging it against her chest. "I'll see if I can get you that candy bar."

Nina laughed and headed for the door, opening it so Marilyn could walk out. "Thanks Mar."

"I'll try not to be so distant." She looked over her shoulder as she began to walk down the hall in the opposite direction of her friend.

"Enjoy your stay at Negan's House of Love."

Marilyn laughed and Nina smiled wide, waving to her friend as they headed their separate ways down the corridor.

...

Negan stood at the base of the stairwell that led up to his living quarters. He leaned casually against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. When he saw the door open at the far end of the long hallway he grinned to himself and waited as Marilyn walked toward him.

Her smile as she approached him sent a warmth through his body that he tried not to acknowledge. Negan smiled back and then looked her up and down. He then held both of his arms out and nodded to her.

Marilyn raise her eyebrows and quickly realized he was asking her to hand over the box.

"I've got it," Negan told her.

"Thanks." She couldn't help but bat her eyes at him. The sound of his deep, scratchy voice still gave her a series of chills that she couldn't quite describe but that she welcomed whole-heartedly.

The two of them took the stairs together and Negan allowed her in ahead of them once they reached his room.

"Do you want us to keep Gregory here?" A voice came over his radio.

Marilyn turned as he closed the door behind them and set the box down on the couch off to the right. She liked the way Negan typically looked her in the eye as he spoke into the radio for reasons she couldn't fully explain.

"Yeah." He grinned wide, "I think he got the fuckin' message. I'll be down again to... check on him."

"Got it," the voice replied.

"Who's Gregory?" Marilyn asked.

"The leader of the Hilltop," Negan informed her, "He's part of a collateral system."

She nodded.

"Business," he added, "Don't worry about that shit." Negan turned and glanced at the box, "You okay with stayin' here for awhile?"

Marilyn nodded. "Yeah."

"You don't have to."

"I want to." She smiled at him and was pleased when he grinned back and approached her with a kiss. Marilyn melted against him and got lost in the moment. She began to think about everything that she'd talked about with Nina.

Negan's hands drifted up her neck and he rested them on the sides of her face as he kissed her more forcefully. "You..." he took a breath and kissed her again, "...fucking excite me."

Marilyn moaned against his lips. She didn't know what it was about her that made him feel that way but she was happy he did. "Can I ask you something?" she whispered. When her eyes opened she saw his were still closed. His nose still grazed hers, as did the scruff of his beard.

"Yeah." He kissed her again and then pulled back a few inches without separating himself from her.

She wanted to tell him everything she was feeling but the intense, playful stare he was giving her made her freeze in place. His arms around her, his eyes meeting hers, the feel of his lips and the sound of his voice - she didn't want any of it to go away if she happened to say the wrong thing.

 _I'll tell him when I'm ready_ , she thought to herself.

"What is it doll?" Negan grinned and touched the side of her face.

Marilyn smiled back and decided to go with the less serious route. "Um..." She let out a little laugh.

He sucked his teeth in anticipation and she laughed a little more when she felt him snake his hands up the back of her shirt to unlatch her bra. "Better fuckin' spit it out," Negan warned playfully, "Because I'm getting a little impatient."

She pulled his face back to hers and kissed him hard before his curiosity got the best of him.

"Say it," he urged.

Marilyn let out a breath against his lips and then pulled back to take off her shirt, sending her bra to the floor with it and then hooked her arms back around his neck and upper back. "Can, uh... would you be able to get Nina a candy bar?"

Negan's eyes studied her a moment and then his wide smile turned into a full blown laugh and he kissed her. "Fuck... you had me nervous there for a second."

She laughed into his kiss and acknowledged how cute he looked when he laughed. Marilyn smiled from the way his eyes squinted just slightly and he subconsciously scrunched his nose. "Why? What'd you think I was going to say?"

He kissed her again. "No fucking idea." Negan pulled her on top of him on the bed and continued to laugh for a moment.

"So is that a yes?" Marilyn felt her level of comfort with him heighten as the days passed she straddled him and smiled.

Negan put his hands behind his head and ran his tongue across his teeth. "Well that all fuckin' depends honey." He smiled wider, "What are you going to do for me?"

She smiled back and pushed up his shirt as she began to trail kisses down his stomach. When she undid the button on his pants Negan chuckled.

"Alright." He cleared his throat and closed his eyes. "I'll get your friend a candy bar."


	16. Two Shots

Marilyn was getting used to waking up in Negan's room. The surroundings were no longer foreign to her and she no longer had that _'where am I?'_ feeling. She ran a hand over her eyes and quickly noticed that Negan was sitting up with his back against the headboard and a notebook in his hands with a map wedged in between the pages.

"Is it morning already?"

Negan turned to her and smirked. "Sun's up."

"What are you doing?" Marilyn propped herself up on an elbow and looked up at him with a grin. His pillow-tossed hair let her know that he wasn't quite ready to get out of bed.

"Just going over some things I discussed with my guys." He sighed and rubbed his eyes before setting the notebook down on the nightstand. He then folded his hands across his bare stomach and looked at her.

"It has to do with the war doesn't it?"

Negan smiled at her. "You don't really want to fuckin' talk about that do you?"

Marilyn didn't, but she also wanted to know exactly what they were dealing with. "No... but I'd hate to see something happen to you."

"No more special treatment." He laughed, "Sunscreen and candy bars."

She shook her head. "That's not it."

"No?"

"No."

Negan's eyes remained fixed on hers and Marilyn swallowed hard. Whenever he looked at her like that she couldn't help but feel nervous, giddy and a bit anxious inside at once.

"Come here," he separated his hands and waved her to him despite her only being a few inches away.

Marilyn let out a breath through her nose and edged her way to him.

Negan didn't move from the way he sat and guided her so she so she sat facing him with her hips connected with his and her legs wrapped around his waist. He locked his arms around her back and looked at her more directly now that they were literally face to face.

"It's not fair." Marilyn hugged her body against his, feeling his immediate arousal from her bare body against his.

Negan brought a hand up, grazing the side of her face and then tucking a few stray hairs behind her ear. "What's not honey?" He touched his lips to hers once and then let her speak.

"When you... look at me like that." She smiled but shook her head. "Really though." Marilyn mimicked his movement and ran her hand down the side of his face before kissing him with an intensity that both of them felt.

Negan moved his lips to her ear and closed his eyes when he felt her lips against his neck. "Don't fuckin' worry about me," he whispered.

Marilyn couldn't answer him without letting it all out about how she felt so she just continued to trail kisses down his neck toward his shoulder. When she felt his hands tighten around her and a light moan that he tried to suppress she continued what she was doing and glided her hands down his chest toward his stomach.

Negan tilted her face toward his and waited until she made eye contact with him before kissing her hard again while allowing her hands to explore his body. Both of them sighed in a break in the kiss and Marilyn guided him into her, leaving Negan with a pleasure-filled groan when she resettled on top of him. His hands drifted the length of her upper body before he rested them on her hips, moving her slowly in sync with him.

Marilyn ran a hand up the back of his head and lightly grabbed a fistful of his hair. She closed her eyes and felt her level of arousal heighten as she listened to his choppy deep breaths with each movement she made.

Negan already felt that intense build up inside as he submitted all control to her. He held her firmly against him, readjusting his hands against her upper and lower back.

Marilyn opened her eyes, pleased to see that Negan's were shut tight. When she let go of his hair and drifted a hand to his face again he let out a breath and a moan before saying her name.

She could tell whatever she was doing was effective and enjoyed him allowing her to take the lead.

"Fuck," Negan whispered the word and held her tighter, his fingers pressed deeper into her back.

Marilyn felt the urge to tell him how she felt at that moment with three words that were on the tip of her tongue. She felt a connection with Negan that she was beginning to realize was more than she was originally willing to admit.

 _Don't say it_ , she warned herself. Marilyn bit down on her bottom lip when she felt him raise his hips beneath her. A layer of sweat dampened his back and Negan's breathing picked up. She grabbed his face and kissed him passionately, overwhelmed by the desperate moans he let out in her mouth.

"Marilyn..." he dragged out her name and then she felt him stiffen up and contract inside of her.

Marilyn ran a hand through the back of his hair again and hugged his head to her chest as he began to come down off the high of the moment. He held onto her tight and let his breaths steady out. When he dropped his forehead to her shoulder she continue to run her hands down his back.

When Negan finally looked up at her she would have typically smiled from his tattered appearance - his dark hair was messy and all over the place, his eyes were tired and still darkened with desire as he stared lazily at her. The emotion of the moment almost caught her off guard and she couldn't even bring herself to smile at him.

Marilyn recognized how difficult it had been for her not to confess her love for him and it was scary to fully acknowledge something so strong. While she knew she needed to be honest with him for both of their sakes, she didn't want to ruin whatever was building between them. She could feel in her soul that Negan felt it too.

"Is it just about this?" she asked him, scanning his facial features with her eyes.

"About what?" Negan traced his fingers along her jawline, watching his own movements for a moment before looking her in the eye again.

Marilyn took a deep breath and felt a contentment when he pulled her tighter against him with his other hand. His eyes never left hers as she asked the question more specifically. "Is it just about the sex... with me?"

Negan swallowed hard and took in several deep breaths before he answered. "No."

She felt her mouth turn up in a closed-mouth smile but tried not to let the moment get the best of her. The last thing Marilyn wanted to do was become this sappy, emotional, breakable woman in front of him. Before she could think about it any further he closed his eyes and kissed her once chastely on the lips, following the first with a short series of others.

Marilyn had the confidence she needed to tell him what she wanted to tell him and when he pulled back she opened her mouth to speak only to be interrupted by two loud bangs from somewhere outside.

Negan's attention was suddenly pulled away from her and his head whipped in the direction of the window. "What the fuck!"

Marilyn could see he was attempting to get up and moved off of him as he began reaching for a pair of boxer-briefs from the floor by the bed. He threw them on and darted out of bed toward the window, scanning the area for signs of distress.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Fuck..." Negan turned to her and pointed, "Get dressed."

"Is it those people?"

He hurried over toward the radio and was about to call out to his people when a series of loud, urgent knocks came at the door.

Marilyn quickly threw on some clothes and Negan flung the door open, coming face to face with Simon.

"We have a fuckin' problem," his comrade informed him.

"What the fuck happened?"

"It's the people from Alexandria... and the Kingdom... and the Hilltop." Simon shook his head, "Rick just fired shots into air... he's demanding to see you."

"Get snipers in the fuckin' windows where they belong," Negan told him, "Then meet me down in the room where we put that mother fucker Gregory."

"Yes sir." Simon nodded and then hurried away, leaving Negan and Marilyn.

"This is bad," she assumed.

Negan pointed to her, "Stay in here. Stay away from the fuckin' windows." He grabbed the radio and turned the volume knob up. "Wait for my call. You got it?"

Marilyn nodded. "Yeah."

He threw on jeans, a t-shirt and his leather jacket before smoothing his hair over quick and grabbing Lucille. "I'll be back."

Marilyn watched as he whipped out of the room and just like that she was left standing there in silence wondering a million different things at once. With Negan's safety in jeopardy she was unable to focus on the moment they'd just shared and what his reaction to her telling him she loved him might be. Now, all she could do was pray that he made it back inside safely.

She let out a sigh and felt a tear slide down her face as she stared at the empty bed. Marilyn wiped the tear away and then scanned the room for weapons she could use in the case of an emergency. In the back corner of the room a rifle was propped in the corner and she quickly grabbed it before settling down on the couch.

 _It's just me and the radio_ , she thought to herself, noting the torturous nature of the events that were taking place. Marilyn thought of how dangerous the world was and how quickly they could be stripped of one another. She sighed and nodded. _I'm telling him how I feel tonight... when he gets back._ She let a fleeting thought pass through her, challenging the 'when' with the word 'if' and then shook her head. _When he gets back_ , Marilyn told herself again, _when_.


	17. War

**I always make these little "trailers" for my stories, so if anyone is interested I made one for Negan & Marilyn: youtube dot com /watch?v=zRGNfEZFy7Q&t=8s**

Marilyn paced the room and glanced out the windows every so often as she tried to cope with what was going on. She could see a group gathered, all armed but she couldn't see Negan or anyone outside of the walls. Whatever was happening, she decided, was big. Thoughts of Nina and her other friends that she worked with regularly popped into her mind next and she wondered where they might be.

As bad as she wanted to change the frequency on the handheld radio, she kept it on the station that Negan had left it in case he wanted to communicate with her separately. It was a station he'd said that no one else talked on and so she left it despite wanting to try to hear if some form of communication was going on between him and the other Saviors.

The angst and animosity got the best of her after a short time and Marilyn put a wedge in the door before heading out into the hallway still toting the gun she'd had from before and taking the walkie-talkie with her.

For a moment she stood there in the empty corridor just listening and pondering if it was right to leave Negan's room. He had said to stay if she wanted to, and she did. On the same note she needed to know he was okay.

 _What do I do?_ she wondered.

Marilyn looked around again and then retreated back to Negan's room. She found a piece of paper and marker, leaving him a simple note that she left in the center of the unmade bed.

 **If you get back here before me, I went to check on you. It's been awhile and I started to get worried. Sorry. I'll be back. - Marilyn.**

She looked around the room, still hanging onto the radio and then reluctantly exited the room.

 _I hope I'm not making a mistake_ , she thought.

With a deep breath Marilyn headed down the hallway, down the dark staircase that she and Negan had traveled up and down together many times and then out a door on the first level that brought her out onto the blacktop.

Things on that side of the Sanctuary grounds appeared far too calm and quiet. Marilyn looked around the immediate area and managed to pinpoint where noise in the distance was coming from. With that, she scampered along toward the front where a crowd gathered that was so massive it almost looked as if a concert was taking place. On one side of the fence were a large number of people all armed and focused. Their numbers didn't nearly outweigh the Savior numbers; however Marilyn spotted several vehicles beyond them including a bus.

The voices were loud, but unclear from where she stood but soon recognized that Negan was standing out on a roof with another man positioned in front of him that he was shielding himself with.

"The Hilltop stands with the Saviors!" the man bellowed, though his voice came out choked up, choppy and anything but strong.

After words were exchanged on both ends, a handful of people on the opposing side retreated. Marilyn let out a sigh as she assumed this meant that the people were leaving.

"Stand down Negan!" the leader's voice came. He appeared almost unphased as a few of his people vacated the premises.

 _I hope that doesn't mean that he has more people waiting in the wings,_ Marilyn thought. She didn't take her eyes off of Negan who was exchanging words with man he was holding hostage. Much to her surprise, he led the man toward the edge of the roof where they stood and kicked him off.

"Holy shit," she said to herself and continued to take it all in from afar. When two men dropped from the opposing side after a pair of gunshots, Marilyn realized that things were about to get heavy fast. Negan now was alone and exposed on the roof with nothing to shield him. "Get down, get down," Marilyn begged silently, biting down on her bottom lip as the beginning of a massive confrontation ensued.

The sound of gunshots proceeded to ring though the air and she couldn't tell who was shooting, who was being shot or what would happen next.

"Get on the busses!" The enemy appeared to be retreating again, this time on the leader's call.

Marilyn watched as Negan got down off the roof and prepared for battle with Dwight now at his side.

 _They're leaving_ , she thought, _they're..._ Marilyn's thoughts were interrupted when she heard the growls of the undead suddenly coming from all around her. There were none within the Sanctuary aside from the "workers" they kept fenced in and chained up. It wasn't until she really stared off into the distance that she understood what was happening.

The people from the other communities were boarding the busses as a mass herd of the undead began to creep in their direction. Not soon after a truck rammed through the fence, leaving a massive hole that almost immediate made way for walkers to invade.

"Oh my God..." Marilyn didn't know what to do. She froze. She had no idea where Negan ended up as she lost a visual on his location when the truck rammed the fence. Her eyes scanned the courtyard area and she finally managed to find him again amidst the chaos.

 _He's running right for the truck_. Marilyn shook her head and bit down on her bottom lip before taking off after him. _What the hell am I doing?_ She had no idea what she intended on doing when she got to him.

Things got out of hand fast as she approached the truck and the hole in the fence.

"Negan!" Marilyn shouted his name but she could barely hear herself shouting it over the destruction and chaos. When the undead hurled themselves toward her and anyone else in the area by the masses she knew she wouldn't be able to get all the way to Negan. They were less than a football field's length away from one another and he had no idea she was out in the open. Still, the wall of walkers prevented her from getting to him and there were just too many for her to fight off. "Negan!" she shouted his name as she struggled to continue closing the gap between them.

This time he turned his head, his eyes widening as he saw her face. "Go back inside!" Negan shouted. His voice was a combination of angry, scared and anxious.

Marilyn saw him turn away and swing Lucille into the skulls of several members of the undead as he made his way into the truck that crashed.

"Go back!" he shouted once more as he ducked in through the window.

She didn't know what to do, but could see the overwhelming number of the undead as they gathered in a group larger than she had ever seen.

There were too many now and Marilyn couldn't see Negan anymore. She decided all she could do was retreat, and knew he had her best interest in mind. The last thing she wanted to do was get him killed by being stupid or heroic or caring too much.

"Negan where are you?" she said to herself.

A walker lunged in Marilyn's direction and she managed to dodge it but saw the corpses pressing on. Against every fiber's will in her body, she turned and tried to get herself to safety, praying all the way that Negan knew what he was doing and would make it out of the situation alive.


	18. Echoes

The unknown was gut-wrecking for Marilyn but she had confidence that Negan knew what he was doing. She bolted toward the buildings, speaking into the receiver of the radio. "Negan?" She breathed heavy as she ran and looked over her shoulder.

The walkers took over the grounds of the Sanctuary and Marilyn knew things were going to get worse before they got better. She waited, seeing Negan and Simon getting the driver of the truck out of the car - a woman who looked more angry than scared. When Negan threw her over his shoulder and swung his bat at the surrounding walkers, Marilyn could see that he was able to make it away from the chaos. Simon paved the way, shooting through the invading herd and leading the way toward the closest building.

"Thank God," she said to herself and then hurried in the opposite direction. When she saw Negan give a look in her direction she could tell he wasn't able to see her location. Before she could try to wave to him he was forced to keep moving and turned back toward the path that Simon had paved.

Marilyn thought of Nina now that she was sure Negan had made it to safety. She knew her friend would have been outside working when the chaos had begun but hoped she had made her way inside upon the ring of the first gunshots. She looked over her shoulder at the herd and then hurried toward the closest building to where they all worked. She was sure the girls had gone into the locker room area in the event of the emergency and so she hurried to see if that was the case.

"Nina!" she shouted as she entered the bottom level of the building, rounding a corner into the locker room area. Much to her delight the entire crew of women were sitting around with whatever weapons they could manage - yard tools, small knives, two-by-fours...

"Marilyn!" Nina immediately ran up to her friend as she sat on a wooden bench by her lockers.

The two of them shared a hug and Marilyn raised her eyebrows. "Are you guys okay?"

She nodded, "Yeah Dwight rounded us up and told us to stay put in here."

"What the hell happened?"

"Those people came to the gates... a man... Rick, he was asking for Negan and shooting his gun in the air." Nina stared more directly at Marilyn, "Is he okay?"

Marilyn swallowed hard and took a deep breath, taking in all the eyes that were on them. "Yeah..." she said quietly, "I saw him get inside with Simon and the woman who rammed the fence."

"Rammed the fence?" Nina asked.

"Rammed the fence?" another woman echoed.

"There's a truck that rammed through the fence," Marilyn informed them, "I was just outside and the undead are taking over the Sanctuary."

Everyone turned, either gasping, expressing their worry with one another or shaking their heads in disbelief.

"How bad is it?" Nina asked, worry plaguing her features.

"Bad." Marilyn nodded.

"They're everywhere?" someone asked from the back.

Marilyn didn't know who had asked the question but she looked toward the group of women and decided to lie in order to keep everyone from panicking. "There are already groups of men on it. They're... shooting them up and patching the hole in the fence." She took a deep breath, "I thought I heard them talking about setting fires to draw the ones into it that got in."

Nina looked to her friend again. "Do you think..." she took a deep breath, "Is this it? Are we being overrun?"

"No." Marilyn shook her head. "No the people are gone. They got on busses and left. They don't have as many people as us that's why they tried to use the dead ones."

"It worked, didn't it?" someone else asked.

"Sort of," she admitted, "But we have people already cleaning up the mess. It might take days but they'll be cleared out soon." Marilyn recognized at that moment that everything she was saying was what she wished would happen. She hoped Negan was organizing a plan as she stood there in the locker room full of panicked women. "I'm glad you're okay," she said to NIna.

"This is so crazy." She shook her head.

Marilyn gave her another hug and then shrugged. "If it makes you feel any better..." she lowered her voice to a whisper, "If this all blows over soon I managed to get you that candy bar."

Nina smiled and then managed a laugh despite the tense nature of the situation. "I knew you'd hook a girl up." She looked around, "I may need a side of vodka with all this shit that's going on." Her eyes scanned the room. "I wish there were more windows in this place. The only ones down here are so high up."

Marilyn saw the small rectangular windows that were eye level with the ground outside and waved her over. "I'll lift you up."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and the two of them headed toward the back of the room where the windows were and Marilyn hoisted Nina up so she could look outside. For a moment her friend didn't say anything as she attempted to make sense of what she witnessed. A series of gunshots made everyone stiffen up in the room.

"They're all over the place," Nina said, resting her hands on a small, concrete lip. "You're right Marilyn... there are our guys out there shooting them down."

"Thank God," someone commented, prompting similar comments from others.

 _Thank God_. Marilyn had the same thought in her head as she thought of the wellbeing of the community, and of the current mental state of the women in her company.

"We just have to wait it out," Marilyn told them. "We'll be okay."

...

Hours passed and everyone stayed put attempting to be patient and calm. As night filtered in it became harder to see what was going on outside through the small windows, though everyone attempted to get information.

"I wish we had cards to play or something," Nina said to Marilyn. She sighed and looked around before plopping back down on the bench. "And I'm starving."

"Me too," she said with a nod but then tried to boost her morale, "Hey this sounds so seventh grade but... can I braid your hair?"

Nina's solemn pout quickly turned into a wide smile. "Sure."

Marilyn laughed lightly and then began to separate her friend's hair into three even parts without the help of a comb. "French braid okay?"

"Yep." Nina folded her legs and balanced on the bench. "What was your biggest hobby before all this?"

"Hobby... hmm..." Marilyn thought, "Well believe it or not I was in an adult basketball league." She laughed, "And I also liked to dance."

"Active... nice."

"What about you?"

"This is going to sound very Golden Girls but I liked to knit." Nina chuckled at herself and Marilyn laughed with her. "Hats... mittens... tiny blankets and quilts."

"Cute."

A series of clicks sounded off the walls and then there were footsteps that echoed down the hallway. Everyone looked up as Dwight appeared in the doorway. He had a scowl on his face but he stared around the room and seemed to be enjoying the delay in whatever news he had for them.

"Those of you who live in the south building... we have a path back there. Make due with whatever snacks and shit you have because we can't get anybody new into the mess hall for food."

There was a low series of grumbles but many of the women rose from where they stood.

"Those of you who don't live there I recommend sharing a room with a friend who does." He waved a hand, still scowling. "Let's go."

No one asked questions and lined up to leave the locker room.

Marilyn gathered up with the women and exited the room a step behind Nina when Dwight reached for her arm. "You... come with me."

Nina turned and stared up at Dwight with big eyes.

"What?" he asked, "Keep moving."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows and gave her friend a sympathetic look. A few women passed by as she stood there with Dwight. He waited until everyone was out before taking up the rear alongside Marilyn.

"Negan is still meeting with the woman from Rick's camp," he informed her, "No idea when he'll be back but he asked me to bring you to the mess hall."

"I thought you said the mess hall was-"

"I know what the hell I said," Dwight shot back. "He said he wanted to speak with you specifically and he quite frankly he sounded more than a little pissed off."

Marilyn swallowed hard and took a deep breath but was pleased that Negan wanted to see her. "When, uh, when he-"

"What the hell did I just say? I said I have no idea when he'll be back. He's interrogating the woman who busted a whole right through the fucking fence."

She didn't argue, and simply nodded. "Okay. I'm sorry."

"Come on." Dwight marched ahead of her, eyeing the women who ahead who were now being escorted by several other men to the safety of their building. Dwight dragged Marilyn in the opposite direction toward the mess hall. When the two of them got there he pointed toward the collection of empty tables. "Sit and wait." He turned and walked away without saying another word.

Marilyn listened as the slam of the door he exited through left a lingering echo off the empty walls of the dark cafeteria. The only lighting came from where the cooks were usually busy grilling up and cooking up whatever was available. That night there was nothing, and for whatever reason she got the image from the movie Jurassic Park when the two kids were stuck running from raptors in the eerily empty kitchen.

She swallowed hard and looked all around her, noting whole-heartedly for the first time that walkers were potentially lurking all around them - not to mention the attack from the opposing communities.

 _Toughen up_ , she scolded herself. Marilyn folded her hands on top of the table and took a deep breath taking in the deafening silence. She told herself that Negan was safe, that Nina was safe and that she was safe despite the ruckus brought on by the rival groups. _We're okay_.

Marilyn composed herself; composed her mind. She waited patiently trying to look at the alone time as a moment of solitude. It only worked partway. The minutes that passed felt like hours and it wasn't until one of the doors at the far end of the big, empty room slowly opened that all of her senses were heightened and alerted.

She took a deep breath and held it when she saw Negan, looking tired and angry, walk through the door.


	19. First Date

Marilyn rose from where she sat but didn't immediately walk over to him. Negan glanced over his shoulder and let the door click shut behind him before beginning a slow-paced walk to the opposite side of the room where Marilyn stood.

The intensity of it all - the darkness, his slow walk, the quiet clicks that bounced off the walls with each step - it made the hair on the back of Marilyn's neck rise.

"Negan-"

"Why'd you go outside?" he asked, voice low and gravelly.

"Because you were out there," Marilyn responded honestly. She folded her hands in front of her and stood timidly for a moment without taking her eyes off of him.

Negan walked the rest of the way in silence and set Lucille down several tables away from where she stood before placing a foot up on one of the benches that was attached to the table beside her. For a moment he just stared at her, studying her expression and then let his eyes drop to the walkie-talkie.

"I know," Marilyn started, "You told me just to wait for-"

He took her by surprise when he grabbed her and kissed her, interrupting her attempt at an explanation.

Marilyn kissed him back and dug her fingers into the tops of his shoulders. When Negan finally pulled back he caught his breath and stared at her.

"You need to start taking my fucking advise," he said quietly. "Leaving the building was fucking stupid. I didn't know if you were alive. You didn't respond when I called you on the fucking radio."

"What?" Marilyn glanced down. "I had it on me the whole time."

Negan reached for the radio clipped to his belt and spoke into it. "Negan to Marilyn..." He looked her in the eye as he spoke, "Marilyn this is Negan." When her radio didn't go off she opened her mouth in a state of surprise.

"I..." She shook her head, "Why isn't it-"

"Battery's fuckin' dead," he informed her, "Because it wasn't on the charger in my room all day.

Marilyn took a deep breath. "Negan, I'm sorry."

"I was hoping you ended up in the fucking locker room. It was the direction you were running in."

"Yeah... I wanted to check on Nina."

"I didn't know where the fuck you were for half the God damn day."

"I'm sorry," Marilyn said again. "I really am Negan. I just... I knew there were people attacking and I was trying to see things through the windows. I couldn't. I just... I wanted to know," she changed her words, "I _had_ to know that you were okay."

"Why?"

"Why?" She raised her eyebrows. _Because I love you._

Negan's eyes looked her up and down. "If there's ever a crisis like there is today don't fucking leave whatever building you're in unless it's being attacked or raided. _That_ is the only order I'll ever give you."

"Okay," she agreed.

"That's what you said the last time."

"Last time?"

"The night you came down to the loading dock after my trip to Rick's fuckin' community. Remember?"

Marilyn nodded and felt her face grow hot as she relived him sneaking up behind her. "Yeah. I remember." _Why do you care so much?_ She wanted to hit him right back with the question he put out there for her to answer but she didn't. "Are you... mad at me?"

Negan's eyes softened and he looked down a moment and then back up. "No."

"I know what happens when people don't obey your orders."

He squinted and tightened his jaw a bit as he looked at her harder. "It's not about obeying my orders Marilyn. I told you that staying safe is the only fucking order you'll ever get from me."

"Why?" she whispered, shaking her head.

Negan looked away, eying the wall and then pulled her gently toward him and hugged her against his body.

Marilyn hugged him back and closed her eyes as she melted against the front of his chest. Every time they were together she felt like she was right where she belonged. The formerly eerie feeling in the empty hall now felt warm and intimate with Negan's arms around her.

"No one fuckin' likes me here," Negan acknowledged, "They work me. They fear me. I say the fuckin' respect me but who the fuck knows." He began to ran his hand down her hair. "I haven't been loved by a hand that's touched me in a long fuckin' time."

She felt like it would have been a perfect time to confess her feelings to him but she allowed him to continue and chickened out at the same time.

"You have a warmth about you," Negan continued. "I, uh, I fuckin' like it. I like being around you."

Marilyn looked up at him and Negan stared back, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Don't fuckin' run after me when I'm out there doing shit to protect this place," he told her again. "It's fuckin' stupid."

She swallowed hard and nodded, agreeing to his terms again. "Alright."

Negan reached down and grabbed her hand. "Come with me."

Marilyn took his hand and let him lead her toward the big empty kitchen where a lot of the food was kept. When they rounded into the back a whole casserole dish of lasagna sat on a silver countertop. He released her hand to grab a spatula and two paper plates before scooping them each an oversized portion of the food.

"Might be a little fuckin' cold." Negan handed her one of the plates and then looked around. He made his way toward an oversized pantry and shuffled around for a moment before finding a candy bar.

Marilyn finally managed a smile as he tossed it to her and gave a laugh.

"For your friend there," he reminded her.

"I'll make sure she gets it."

"When are you going to see her?" Negan asked, "You plan on sleeping in your room tonight?"

Marilyn raised her eyebrows and continued to grin. "Not if I'm still welcome to sleep in yours."

He smirked and handed her the plate of food. "Even though you've disobeyed two of my fuckin' orders..." Negan looked her up and down again. "I guess I can have you pay for it in other ways." He raised his eyebrows and smiled, "If you'd like."

"Depends on how creative these other ways are," she teased.

He chuckled, ran his tongue across his teeth and looked down and then back up at her. "Let me fuckin' take you to dinner first."

"Okay." Marilyn agreed. She followed him into the empty mess hall and the two of them sat at a table close to the dim lights that poured out from the cooking area where they'd just come from.

Negan sat across from her and used his fork to take break off a piece from his plate. When he extended his arm across the table to feed her a bite Marilyn grinned and ate the fork full of food.

"Is this like a date?" she joked, looking him in the eye as he drew his hand back.

He chuckled and took a bite for himself, eying her more intently across the table. "There are the undead fucks all around us outside, one of Rick's people being held captive in a room nearby. I had to kill one of our men an hour ago for trying to assault the poor woman..." Negan shook his head and took another bite before raising his eyebrows. "But now I get to see you honey so..." He smirked and flashed her a wink, "Sure."

"Definitely did this backwards," she confirmed, beginning to indulge in her own plate as she remembered one of their prior conversations.

"What do you mean?''

Marilyn smiled at him. "I mean usually it's dinner and getting to know each other first." She laughed, "So now would be about the time that we first started... shacking up."

Negan laughed and stopped chewing to look her more directly in the eye. "I'm anything but typical honey."

"I know." She stared at him back just as intently but couldn't hold back a small smile. When her eyes began to look him up and down he chuckled again.

"I feel like you're fuckin' undressing me with your eyes doll." He leaned forward with his elbows on the table and folded his hands beneath his chin with a wide smile. Negan looked down when he felt her foot graze his beneath the table. When she chuckled and looked down shyly he took the lead. "Tell me what you want Marilyn."

She looked back up, enticed by the look on his face. Negan's pupils were enlarged, his irises swollen with a black that overtook the green. She could never quite keep it together when his subconsciously let his tongue loose as it danced across his lips and teeth.

"We can always box this food up and bring it upstairs," he suggested, swallowing hard as her foot moved up and down against the back of his calf.

"I don't know if I want to wait that long." She knew she was pushing past her boundaries and being a little bold, but Negan's encouragement made her feel more secure as he leaned forward a little more across the table in anticipation.

"No?" His smile widened his eyes forced hers to stay locked on his. "What the fuck's on your mind then?"

Marilyn stood up and pushed both of their plates to the side before rounding the table where Negan's hands immediately latched onto her hips as she sat down on his lap. "I've never wanted a man so badly in my life," she confessed, finding his lips with her own.

Negan took in a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes as she kissed him hard. He moaned into her mouth and then picked her up and sat her on the edge of the table, prompting Marilyn to kiss him harder as she began to claw at his belt buckle.

He allowed her to take the lead and helped her slip one leg out of the pants she was wearing but didn't bother to remove them completely. When Marilyn released him from the shackles of his pants he moaned again and pulled her forcefully to him without breaking their intense make-out session.

"Negan..." she moaned his name when he moved his lips and bit down lightly on her earlobe at the same time that he upped their intimacy to the next level.

His moans echoed off the walls of the empty hall as they carried on and Marilyn let her heavy breaths out against his neck. When he pinned her flat on the table he kissed her again with a more relentless pursuit. "I fuckin' love you," he huffed the words out in the midst of their intimacy and Marilyn moaned against him as a response wanting desperately to respond with something coherent. She didn't know if he just said it in the heat of the moment or if he'd actually meant it but she jumped on the opportunity.

She took several deep breaths before finally being able to manage a sentence. "God..." Marilyn spoke against his lips as he kissed her in breaks of the sentence, "I love you..." Negan kissed her again and she repeated the phrase that she'd been eager to say for days, "I love you too."


	20. Love and Hate

**Happy Walking Dead mid-season premiere day! :)**

Marilyn couldn't think about anything else as she retrieved a tray from the back of the kitchen to put their food on. She knew there were bigger issues going around the Sanctuary but she wanted to talk about what Negan had said to her moments before.

"Negan... Simon here... you around?" His voice echoed out of the radio on the table and Marilyn hurried back into the cafeteria to get the full scoop on whatever Simon had to say. She stopped, leaning all of her senses toward the conversation between the two men.

"Go ahead," Negan replied. He put his foot up onto one of the seats and scooped a bite from his plate as he waited.

"We've got a disorganized group on the south side... a couple are safe but cornered in a small fenced in area."

Negan shook his head and clenched his jaw. "I guess they decided not to follow the fuckin' plan." He lifted his thumb from the button to talk cursed to himself before putting the walkie-talkie back to his lips. "They can fuckin' wait it out. I'll come down an reorganize this shit myself since no one else knows how to fuckin' do that."

"Clearing them out here in the north just fine," Simon informed him. He cleared his throat. "Fire's a lit... they're killing themselves."

"Well that's just fucking great Simon." Negan couldn't hide the aggravation in his voice and he helped himself to more of the food before looking at Marilyn. He spoke into the receiver again. "I'm fucking coming."

"I can just head to my room," she told him.

"If that's what you want." He stared at her a moment.

Marilyn shrugged.

Negan tipped his mouth up in a little smirk before digging in the pocket of his pants. He held up a single key and tossed it to her.

"What's this?"

"The key to my fuckin' heart," he joked, "Go up to the room and charge that handheld radio that you drained the battery from today."

His smirk made her loosen up a bit and she smiled. "Okay."

"That's what you wanted right?" Negan went on.

"What? To stay in your room?"

He nodded and clipped his radio onto his pants and grabbed Lucille.

"Yeah."

"Rain check on the rest of this backwards fuckin' dinner date or whatever the hell you called it." Negan waved her with him and began walking toward the door he'd come in from.

Marilyn grabbed the plates of food and followed him out into a dark hallway. He pointed toward a door at the far end.

"Go through that door, take a right and go all the way down a long hallway to the next door. Once you get through that door take a left and you'll know where you are."

"Alright." She nodded, "Thanks."

"And eat," Negan added, "Don't fuckin' wait for me because I may not be back tonight."

The thought left her with a wave of disappointment but she nodded. "Be careful."

"Get yourself back to the room. Once you plug in that radio you send me a message saying you got there."

"I will." Marilyn stared at him for a moment in the darkness and cleared her throat. "Do you think they'll be cleared out tonight?"

"Tonight... no way." Negan shook his head, "But if Simon isn't fuckin' embellishing then maybe his side of the damn place will be. This place'll be back to fuckin' normal soon."

She nodded. "Good."

"A woman of few words." He smiled at her.

"A few can mean a lot," Marilyn said to him, feeling her face grow hot as she said that to him.

Negan sucked his teeth and then smiled before flashing her a wink. "I'll see ya later honey."

Marilyn managed a smile and then he turned to head out into the chaos.

"Don't lose that key!" he shouted without turning around.

"I won't." She smiled when she heard him chuckle and then headed down the hallway the way he had pointed out. Marilyn wanted nothing more than to go talk to Nina about what had happened. She needed some type of confirmation that what Negan said meant something.

 _You could always go straight to the source and ask HIM_ , she reminded herself.

Marilyn stared down at the radio in her hand. "If only we still had cell phones," she said to herself. _I'm losing my mind_.

As much as she wanted to bolt up to Negan's room the walk was therapeutic. She was able to take a minute to reflect on everything that was going on and attempt to process her life.

Marilyn knew that rationally she should have been thinking about the undead that had taken over the grounds of the Sanctuary, and what threats the other groups posed, or the woman that Negan had taken captive after she destroyed their fences, or the man from the Hilltop he had kicked off the roof. All of those were genuine concerns considering what was going on all around them. Marilyn, for the first time in her life, felt her mind and heart were clouded by her personal life.

 _Of course I'd pick a war-zone, apocalyptic setting to fall in love_ , she told herself.

Marilyn glanced down at the key in her hand and let it tumble around in her palm. She heard Negan's voice echoing in her mind, "They key to my heart." She sighed and continued her walk, stopping by an oversized window to glance at the world outside. She could see the smoke and the orange glow from the fires that illuminated an otherwise black background. The undead circulated the grounds in uneven patterns, many of them staggering their final steps toward the flames.

The death all around them would have made her shudder, but Marilyn thought that in a world of fear, of death, of carnage... she was still able to love; wholly love. Even the man that created some of that fear and death and carnage, Marilyn knew he felt something for her too. Her eyes scanned the hellish nature of the outside world and she sighed.

 _If love can still rise in all of this hate... maybe we have a chance._


	21. Nightmares

**Happy Valentines Day everyone!**

* * *

The hours went by and Marilyn struggled to stay awake in the later hours of the night. She switched her place from laying comfortably in bed, to standing by the window to sitting on the sofa.

Several times she wasn't sure if she was dreaming or not and the jolt from an element in her nightmare forced her brain to awaken her from the unpleasant slumber.

The gunshots she heard were all too real and Marilyn several times ran to the window to see if anything new was going on that she could see. There were only the faint glows from the fires that illuminated the perimeter of the buildings.

The night felt like it was never ending. Each time Marilyn awoke the clock on the wall indicated only ten or fifteen minutes had past. Still, exhaustion sank in again and again and again never driving her into beautiful dreams that escaped reality- only into worlds that were worse than the apocalypse itself.

The latest one felt all too real. Marilyn ran and the ache in her side from running for so long was debilitating. Smoke was all around and she had no idea where she was but the growls of the undead could be heard all around.

"Negan!" Marilyn called out for him but there was nothing - no response, no form of human life. She knew she could die right there if one of the walking dead were to lunge at her.

Marilyn heard his voice but it sounded far away and echoed. He called to her and she felt her heart thudding against her chest.

"Where are you?" She tried to yell the question but her voice box wasn't working. On a second try the words came out barely above a whisper and Marilyn reached for her throat. She couldn't speak, but why?

I'll run to him, she thought. Marilyn went to move but she was frozen; stuck. When she looked down her feet were chained to the cement and she tried to scream but she couldn't. She couldn't move; couldn't speak.

This is it, Marilyn thought. I'm going to die. I'm not even going to really get to tell him how I feel.

"Marilyn." Negan's voice was far too calm for the circumstances. She didn't need to see him to know it was him.

She tried to call out to him and felt hot tears begin to slide down her face in frustration when her voice box betrayed her again.

The growls around her grew louder and the world glowed an eerie red with swirls of dust and sand that stung her eyes.

Marilyn tried to fight off the elements but felt like she was stuck in an awful swarm of death. The only contrast was Negan's persistent, gentle voice in the background. She tried to focus on it but when a pair of hands landed on her shoulders a loud scream finally emerged from her mouth and she was sure that was it - that the undead had discovered her in the midst of the chaos.

"Marilyn!" Negan's voice was more prominent now and clear as day. When her eyes snapped open he was standing in front of her with concerned eyes and his hands placed lightly on the tops of her arms.

She stood up, still shaken from the dream and took a long, deep breath before taking in their surroundings.

"You alright doll?" Negan pressed his eyebrows together and tipped his mouth up in a smirk before touching her face gently with one hand.

"Yeah." She made sure they were still in his room and that her wild dream hadn't somehow led her to sleepwalking with the dead outside.

"You fell asleep on the couch... fuckin' talkin' in your sleep and shit."

Marilyn drew a hand across her damp forehead and shook her head. "It's the undead and all that shit that went on today." She glanced at the clock, still feeling shaky. "Bad dream."

"You could've fuckin' slept in the bed honey."

"I know I was just... trying to stay up."

Negan shook his head. "Going to run yourself into the fuckin' ground if you try to keep up with me. I told you I might not even be back tonight. It's four in the damn morning."

"I've been in and out of sleep," Marilyn admitted.

Negan removed his jacket and boots before ridding himself of everything but his boxer briefs. "I'm going to wash up... then we need to get some fuckin' sleep. It's not going to be any shorter of a day tomorrow and I may need your help keeping the girls in your crew fuckin' sane and occupied."

Marilyn felt a sense of relief about getting a job to do. She knew she needed to keep her mind busy. "Okay."

Negan ran his thumbs under her eyes. "You're exhausted." He shook his head. "You better start fuckin' listening to me about shit. I mean it."

"I stayed in the room." Marilyn managed the tiniest smile and she could tell Negan was trying to hold back from grinning himself until he finally chuckled.

"That's a fuckin' start I guess." He shook his head again as turned to head toward the bathroom. "Stubborn."

She laughed lightly and then eyed the bed noting how inviting it looked after she had forced herself to stay up for most of the night. With a big yawn she made her way across the room and slid under the covers.

From the bathroom she could hear Negan washing up and moving around. It wasn't until he climbed in beside her that she felt content closing her eyes and melting into the fluffy pillow on her side of the bed.

"How's it look out there?" Marilyn asked him.

"Like shit." Negan guided her toward him and Marilyn rested her head contently against where his arm met his chest. Her arm draped across his midsection.

"Are we going to be okay?"

"Yeah," he said in a groggy but confident voice.

"Okay." Marilyn felt her heavy eyes begin to drift shut. She forced her eyes to stay open for another couple of seconds to give a glance to Negan.

Without opening his eyes he said quietly, "Go to sleep doll."

Marilyn smiled to herself as he obviously sensed her persisting sleep resistance. Unlike the earlier hours of the night she was able to relax and drifted off to sleep leaving her worries temporarily behind.


	22. Own It

Marilyn headed down toward the locker room area where she was surprised to see most of the women she typically worked with. Negan had told her they were all going to be there but she didn't expect that the crowd would have gathered already.

Nina had her back against the brick wall with one leg bent up against it and the other straight down. When she saw Marilyn she smiled and then hurried over to her.

"I don't know why I worry anymore," she told her friend with a laugh, "But Dwight freaked me out when he was being an ass to you yesterday. Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Marilyn nodded.

"Did he bring you to see Negan?"

She looked around, still slightly self-conscious about speaking of their relationship publicly. "Kind of."

Nina raised an eyebrows and shrugged. "And?"

Marilyn laughed lightly. "And things ended up fine."

"Translation... you guys hooked up. Got it."

"There's something I have to talk to you about when we get a chance."

Nina smiled. "Oh I'm intrigued... what's wrong with right now?"

Marilyn looked around the group that was sitting around waiting for instruction. "I just have to," she cleared her throat, "Pass a message to everyone."

"Alright..."

She felt uncomfortable being in a leadership position amongst her friends and vowed to maintain her quiet corner of the locker room with Nina once she gave the small order. "Um... everyone!" Marilyn raised her voice and people began to look in her direction. She attempted not to sound awkward or bossy. "I'm just supposed to pass the message that in lieu of working outside, all of us can use the supplies in the closet over here and clean up the locker room since the cleaning guys are outside helping with the undead."

"Closet's locked," someone said from the back. A light echo bounced off the walls when she gave a tug at the handle.

Marilyn dug into the pocket of her shorts and found a key that Negan had given her. "Here. I guess we can all just pair off and taken corner of the place. Does anyone want to volunteer to do a little laundry too?" She wanted to keep the peace, "If not then I'll do it."

"We," Nina added, attempting to back her friend.

"We." Marilyn echoed with a nod.

"I'll do some laundry," another woman volunteered. She glanced over at a women she had been talking to who agreed with a nod and shrug.

"Thank you." Marilyn smiled and then made her way to the back of the oversized room toward the closet with Nina at her heels. "Most of the things we need should be in here."

"Want to start with washing out the far row of lockers?" Nina asked.

"Sure."

No one argued with Marilyn regarding her leadership position or orders that were directed from Negan. No one even asked about the key or why she had it, which made her feel a sense of relief. Marilyn enjoyed her comradery with everyone and the last thing she wanted was her relationship with Negan to put an unnecessary wedge in between them. She wanted to put in as much work as the rest of them.

When she and Nina got to the row of lockers they had claimed with spray, sponges, a bucket and wipes, Nina opened the first one and then looked at Marilyn.

"Okay... time to talk." She put a hand on her hip. "What's up?"

"You've heard me say I wish there were still cell phones, right?" She sighed with a pause.

"Yeah." Nina smiled.

"Last night I was driving myself a little nuts. I needed to talk to you."

"What the hell happened?" She eyed her suspiciously, "You're not like knocked up are you?"

"No!" Her jaw dropped but then she laughed and ran a hand over the top of her head. "God no."

Nina giggled. "Okay... what then?"

Marilyn looked around and her friend called her out on it. "Why do you care what people are going to say?" Nina whispered.

"I... don't." She recognized the look on Nina's face. "Okay I do. I just... I don't want people to judge me about it, or think I get special treatment, which I guess I kind of do now but... that's not what I want. I want to be normal. I want to be part of the group."

Nina pouted her bottom lip but smiled at the same time. "I'm sorry. No, you're right. It's no one's business anyway." She raised her eyebrows. "Do you love him?"

Marilyn opened her mouth to speak but stopped and then couldn't get a word out. Her hesitation made Nina's face twist into a deeper smirk and so she spoke before she could get a word out first. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh my God... you do."

"You think I'm an idiot."

"No!" Nina shrieked back with a laugh.

Marilyn sighed, "I think I am sometimes. I mean he has that," she crinkled her nose in disapproval, "Harem... all those girlfriends... or wives." Marilyn sighed and looked down, speaking to herself now. "What the hell is wrong with me?"

Nina put a hand on her shoulder with enough force to make Marilyn look up at her. "I can't believe I didn't mention this before."

"What?"

"Things have... changed in that retrospect."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say there's a vacancy."

Marilyn creased her eyebrows. "What?" She shook her head. "I'm not following."

"That room has been empty... emp-ty."

She went to speak but again paused and thought for a moment.

Nina chuckled and put a hand over her mouth. "It all makes sense." She nodded to herself.

"The harem is-"

"No more." Her friend shook her head.

A rush of relief and butterflies and happiness flooded through her. It was almost euphoric for a moment. Marilyn couldn't help but smile but at the same time she felt a lump develop in her throat.

"So you didn't tell me what the hell happened last night."

Marilyn relished in the revelation about the news Nina had given her. She hoped it was true and decided she would take a walk past there at the conclusion of the day just for self-confirmation.

 _There's another thing I'll be dying to talk to Negan about but I won't have the balls to_ , she thought to herself.

Nina snapped her fingers in playful fashion. "Hello... space cadet."

"Huh?"

"Talk to me. Your life is my soap opera. I'm loving this. Tell me."

"What did you mean when you said it all makes sense?" Marilyn asked.

"You answer my questions first," Nina said, "It's only fair. You brought it up so now I must know."

She nodded and looked around, catching herself doing it this time. "Fine." Marilyn let out a deep breath. "Last night after I left with Dwight I was waiting in the dining hall for Negan. We ended up sitting there, talking..." She shrugged, "Other things."

"What other things?"

Marilyn made a face and when Nina smiled she continued. "He said something when we were in the middle of it."

When Marilyn didn't elaborate Nina put a hand out. "Like... oh Marilyn! Baby!"

She hit Nina on the arm. "Stop." Marilyn began to laugh, a little thankful for the humor regarding the thing that had been completely stressing her out for the last day. "I'd go crazy if I didn't get to laugh with you."

"I know." Nina grinned and continued to laugh. "That was immature, I know." She looked at Marilyn more seriously. "What did he say? Did he drop the 'L' bomb?"

Marilyn raised her eyebrows and just looked at Nina.

Nina's eyes widened a bit. "I was just... wait... what?"

"Yeah."

"We're talking about Negan still right?"

Marilyn had to sit down on the bench in front of the lockers. "I'm really really caught up in all of this Nina."

Nina sat down beside her and she was the one looking around now. She then whispered and moved a little closer. "Negan said he loved you?"

"In the heat of the moment," Marilyn whispered to her.

"Did you say it back?"

She nodded.

Nina put a hand over her mouth and laughed lightly. "Did you mean it?"

"I'd been kind of wanting to say it before then. I'm just worried that maybe he didn't actually mean it."

"Why?"

"Because it was just... quick and like I said it was just kind of in the moment. He didn't say it again or talk about it."

She smiled. "This is a man we're talking about first of all, and not just any man... Negan. I didn't think he knew the meaning of the word love. I wouldn't be bothered that he didn't want to talk about it after. I mean think about it, what man wants to talk about their feelings? They're not like us."

Marilyn cracked a smile. "Yeah... you're right. You're absolutely right." She laughed and shook her head. "This is why I need you Nina."

Nina laughed and then shrugged. "That's what friends are for. And for the record... I thought that it made sense for the harem quarters to be empty because I called it from the beginning. I knew that Negan was smitten by you."

Marilyn looked down almost shyly and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"And just from an observer's point of view," Nina added, "I'm not at all surprised really that he said that to you... now that I think about it."

She swallowed hard. "I love him."

"He wants you to sleep in his room. He protects you. He gives you a radio to check in with you. He got your best friend a candy bar." Nina smiled and Marilyn laughed and then Nina nodded in confirmation. "The man loves you Marilyn." She crinkled her nose as she grinned again. "Own it!"


	23. When One Door Closes

Marilyn parted ways with Nina at the conclusion of their shift and waved as her friend headed back toward her room for the night. She had begun to know her way around the ins and outs of the buildings by now and made it a point to pass by as many windows as she could on her roundabout walk back toward Negan's room. The fires burned all around still as daylight began to fade but the number of walkers present had significantly died down. While there were still several areas that were slightly overpopulated, other areas like the loading dock were completely cleared out.

She was pleased with how their home looked after something that could have been wholly devastating for the community. The wall was patched up just fine and at least from the people she had been working with all day, it appeared that the morale wasn't at all low.

There had been one area of the Sanctuary that Marilyn had strictly avoided and that was the area where Negan's collection of lovers resided. Now that Nina had brought to her attention that the harem had fizzled out she had to see it for herself. With a deep breath she headed down the hallway toward the oversized room that she had never personally seen. She knew that she never could have lived that lifestyle if he had asked her to and was thankful that it wasn't the case.

When she finally reached her destination she peered inside through the open door and took a look around. There were couches, a bar and the windows provided a open, inviting scene. In the back of the room were several doors and Marilyn thought the room looked like a lounge that people would go out to for drinks and dancing.

She took a step inside, keeping her hands on either side of the doorway and didn't have it in her to go any farther. While she felt a jealous twinge ripple through her she felt a simultaneous, contradicting feeling inside of her; one of happiness and relief.

Marilyn jumped when she heard someone clear their throat from behind and quickly spun around.

"Hi." Negan stood a few feet from her and flashed a fleeting smile when he saw the look of mild shock on her face.

"You're always doing that." Marilyn laughed and let her body relax.

"Well, I'm always finding you in the least expected places," he told her.

"I just..." She didn't exactly know what to say. "I was curious... I guess."

Negan's eyes surpassed her as he scanned the empty room behind where she stood. "Watch your hands." He took a step forward toward Marilyn as she did the same and moved from standing beneath the doorway. Negan put a hand on the frame and reached around her for the doorknob with the other hand before closing it shut.

Marilyn felt the door gently touched her back as it closed and she leaned against it, now face to face with Negan.

"I'm sorry," she told him. "I was snooping around."

"Yeah." He looked her in the eyes, acknowledging what she had said was right. "Why are you always apologizing to me?"

"Because I shouldn't have been over here."

"Nothing to see really." Negan cocked his head to the side just slightly and continued to hold her gaze. "What were you expecting?"

"Honestly." Marilyn took a deep breath, "I don't know." The adrenaline from trying to get a glance at the harem, Negan sneaking up on her and him being just an inch or two away as they spoke gave her that same rush that had been reoccurring in her life since the two of them had gotten so close.

"Did you expect what you just saw?"

She cleared her throat, still unaware of how to answer or what she thought. She believed Nina, but she knew she wouldn't have been able to let it go if she didn't witness the empty room first hand. "Not exactly."

Negan let out a breath through his nose. He could physically see the emotional impact he had on Marilyn through her facial features and body language. While her face lingered with hints of worry that pulled at her eyes and increased her breathing, her body showed her trust in him as she appeared both relaxed and submissive.

"Why are you so fuckin' nervous around me?" Negan asked her.

Marilyn swallowed hard. "Because you make me feel things I've never felt before."

Negan stared at her for a moment and then reached into the pocket of his jacket. She watched as he fiddled around with a small ring of keys before settling on a gold one with type of star symbol etched into. He used one hand and proceeded to enter it into the center of the doorknob, glancing up once at Marilyn as she stalked his movements. When he was done he twisted and turned the knob and then removed the key from the ring when it was locked and secured.

Before Marilyn could ask what he was doing he stepped back and threw it the length of the hallway, sending several dainty clanking sounds off the walls before it settled quietly in a corner somewhere.

Negan then turned back to Marilyn, who looked almost as awestruck as when he found her lurking in the entryway to the harem and slipped an arm around her back so his hand was pinned between her and the door. "I told you I was married before all this."

She nodded, feeling her nose brush against his as she did.

"I loved her, and her death still fuckin' haunts me."

"I'm sorry." It was the only set of words Marilyn found appropriate.

"Before Lucille got sick we were having problems..." He closed his eyes a moment and sighed, "I strayed our marriage... fucked someone else... fucked up, I know." Negan looked down. "I don't know if it was a midlife fuckin' crisis or what but when all this shit started and the world died I decided I wanted to fuck a bunch of women... whoever, whenever... didn't really matter to me as long as she was okay with it."

Marilyn didn't want to hear him say what he was saying but she tried not to be judgmental. She allowed him to continue without interrupting.

Negan looked her in the eyes again. "I don't want that... not anymore."

She felt life filter back into her and managed a small smile. A warmth fluttered back up into her chest and she reminded herself of what he had just done by locking the door and tossing the key away.

Marilyn drifted her hand to the collar of his jacket and then to his face as he leaned in and kissed her. She closed her eyes and fully allowed herself to enjoy the passion of the moment as kissed her harder, tightening his grip on her back. It was only when Marilyn quite literally felt like she couldn't breath that she pulled back with a series of deep breaths that Negan interrupted with short but forceful kisses that sent the two of them back into an elaborate kissing session.

"Did you mean it?" Marilyn practically gasped out the sentence.

"Mean what?" Negan whispered, finding her lips again just after he asked.

She grasped the back of his head and kissed him hard back for another few seconds before taking in another breath. "What you said to me last night."

"When?" He let out a needy breath against her mouth and looped his fingers inside the belt loops on her waistband on both sides to pull her hips up against his.

"In the cafeteria." Marilyn sighed against him. "It's okay if you didn't-"

Negan kissed her again and she closed her eyes when she felt his hands slide against the back pockets of her shorts. "I never just say shit to say shit," he told her.

"Good." Her fingers tightened around his dark locks of hair and their eyes locked again when he finally reopened his.

"If all this doesn't fuckin' paint a clear enough picture I'll fuckin' say it again," Negan told her. "I love you... Marilyn." His tongue danced across his teeth and lips. He didn't give her a chance to say it back before he kissed her again.

Marilyn felt like a teenager, enamored by every word that came out of his mouth and just as well by every touch and every kiss he gave her. She could have stayed right there in the empty hallway forever with him.

 _If I died to today,_ she thought, _I'd die happy._


	24. Bulletproof

Marilyn laid on Negan's bare chest and drew invisible lines with her finger down his torso.

"The undead are almost cleared out," he told her.

"Good."

Negan cleared his throat but he didn't say anything. When he fidgeted uncomfortably Marilyn looked up toward him.

"What is it?" She asked.

He guided her so she was on top of him and looked at her more directly. "I need you to be strong."

"Okay." Marilyn raised her eyebrows.

"I know you fuckin' worry about me when I'm not locked away in this bedroom with you." Negan grinned and tightened his hands around the base of her back and locked his fingers together.

Marilyn couldn't help but smile back at him and agreed with a nod. "You're right."

"The minute these things are all fuckin' gone from the grounds we're retaliating. I, uh, have the plan in place... to counter attack"

"Alright."

"You going to fuckin' follow me down to Alexandria?"

Marilyn managed a small smile and shook her head. She let it fade almost right away and avoid immediate eye contact.

"Hey," Negan reached a hand up placed it on her cheek, letting his thumb dance in slow circles under her eye. "Don't get all fuckin' sad on me. I just want to prepare you for what's to come."

"No one got hurt on our side."

"We can't just let this shit go doll," Negan told her. "They'll come back full force and next time we might not be so lucky."

"This is what you meant when you said we were going to war."

"It's the world we live in... and it's how we fuckin' eat."

Marilyn sighed and laid her head down flat in the center of his chest. "I fell so fast and hard for you," she told him, "My logic hasn't had a chance to catch up. I really don't know what I would do if I lost you."

"I plan shit out so that doesn't happen." He ran a hand up and down her back.

"Nothing is perfect."

"I know," Negan agreed. "But look at what we fuckin' have here. You think I haven't been in a thousand fuckin' dangerous situations to build this shit?"

"If I had one wish I'd make you bulletproof." Marilyn made a face and looked up at him again.

Negan smiled. "I need your fuckin' blessing before we go out."

"Well you got it," she told him with a sigh.

"I, uh-"

"You don't have to explain anything to me," Marilyn cut him off. "You do things and they always work out. I'm not going to try to hold you back. We need to protect this place." She nodded. "I get it."

Negan brought his hand up and ran it through her hair. "That's what I fuckin' love about you."

Marilyn sighed more contently this time. "It doesn't mean I won't worry about you." She smiled and pushed up toward him more so they were nose to nose.

Negan smiled and closed his eyes when she kissed him. "You got me fuckin' thinking of you all the fuckin' time lately."

"That makes two of us."

"A part of me wishes I could just stay up here with you all fuckin' day." He stroked her hair. "Or that the world would be fuckin' normal again and we could go out to dinner... do things other than wave God damn guns around and shit."

"Yeah..." Marilyn let her mind wander into a short daydream of what a real life would him would have been like. She imagined getting ready at her condo, throwing on a cute sun dress and wedge heels to match with her hair straightened or in a sea of wavy curls and just enough makeup to make it seem natural. She would wait anxiously, tapping her foot with a smile for Negan who was fashionably ten minutes late to pick her up. Marilyn wouldn't mind. She would welcome him with a kiss, they'd go have a nice dinner and a few drinks before heading back to his house on the opposite end of town and spending a romantic evening together.

"But..." Negan's voice broke her daydreams as he ran a hand through his hair and rested his hands behind his head. "We're just getting fuckin' started with these people. It's going to be a long fuckin' haul."

"What's the plan?"

He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smile. "Complicated honey."

"Dangerous," Marilyn concluded.

"What isn't nowadays?"

"This." She smiled at him.

"Mmm..." Negan kissed her and felt her small bout of sorrow in the way that she kissed him back. "Don't fuckin' worry. I've been doing this all along. I'm just keeping you in the loop. If you don't want me to-"

"I do," Marilyn said right away, "No, I want to know when you're doing things outside the walls... if you don't mind telling me."

"Looking at two days from now by my guess."

She took in a deep breath through her nose. "Okay."

"We're going to attack... use the woman who rammed through the fuckin' fence as bait."

"Don't die."

Negan huffed a laugh.

"I mean it." Marilyn remained serious in her tone. "Can you trust all of those guys you work with?"

"Yeah." He grinned up at her.

"They know what they're doing?"

Negan continued to grin and nodded against the pillow. "Yep."

Marilyn shook her head. "How can you be so calm?"

"Because this is the other side of me doll." He chuckled. "You see a side to me that nobody else ever fuckin' will. But you've seen the side of me that I put out there for everyone to see." Negan studied her worried eyes and abruptly rolled her off of him and pinned her beneath him.

Marilyn finally managed a genuine laugh and wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm glad that fuckin' worked." Negan laughed back and took a deep breath.

She latched her arms around him continued to chuckle, "What do you mean?"

"I got you fuckin' smiling again." He grinned and kissed her with playful aggression. "Do you want to fuckin' be with me?"

"You already know the answer to that." Marilyn tried to kiss him again but he pulled back with a wide smile.

"You didn't answer me."

She smiled back. "Yeah." Marilyn cleared her throat. "Yes."

"I'm not an easy man to fuckin' be with. I know I drove my wife fuckin' crazy at times." Negan took a deep breath and went on before she could protest, "I need you to be in my corner honey... and the only way that you can do that is to be fuckin' strong for me, or pretend to be."

"I'm in your corner."

"I know." He nodded, "But if I know you're worried shitless here or that you might do something completely fuckin' stupid like leave the walls of the Sanctuary I won't be able to go out there with a full mind for what I need to do."

Marilyn nodded. "I understand." She smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "Okay. I'm not going to be the woman who drags you down."

"You could never fuckin' drag me down." Negan half-smiled and then kissed her. "I just don't want you to be in constant fuckin' worry because of me."

"Your plan is bulletproof?" She looked him in the eye.

"It's always fuckin' bulletproof."

Marilyn leaned up and kissed him once. "Then I have no reason to worry."

Negan chuckled and pressed on with his playful aggression, kissing her neck and taking her earlobe lightly in between his teeth. "Atta girl."

She snickered and closed her eyes, not hesitating this time to say how she felt about him after facing the uncertainties of the world head on in their conversation. "I love you." Marilyn felt him smile against the side of her face.

"I love you too doll."


	25. The Bright Side

As the undead were cleared out Marilyn should have been happy but she wasn't. She knew that meant that Negan would be leading his men into war, placing himself on the front line with the rest of them. It not only made her uneasy, but the worry quite literally made her sick to her stomach.

She walked the grounds casually as Negan insisted that she not work. Most days she did anyway but the morning that the Sanctuary was finally free of the walking dead ones she felt the urge to go outside after being stuck indoors for so long.

Every time she overheard someone speak of the grounds being clear it made her stomach turn in knots.

He had said himself, being with Negan was not easy in times like this. Behind closed doors Marilyn found herself wrapped in a passionate fairytale; though outside the walls of the secure, top floor suite where she often resided with Negan it was anything but.

"Hey!" Nina's voice rang through the air and Marilyn turned to see her friend jogging from around the side of a building. "Mar!"

Marilyn waved and a smile formed on her face when her friend approached her. They exchanged a hug. "What are you doing?" she asked with a laugh.

"I pretty much get the best job to do today," Nina explained. "Well... it's good in some ways but a little sad in others."

"Sad how?"

"Well it's only if you'll accept."

"Accept what?"

"I just spoke with Neegs."

Marilyn let out a tiny chuckle. "Neegs?"

Nina looked around with a laugh and put her hands on her hips. "He asked me to do a job with you today."

"What's so sad about it?"

"Well, again... its only if you'll accept his request."

"Which is...?"

"He said if you were okay with it that I should help you move all of your stuff out of your room up to his."

Marilyn's eyes widened for a second and she processed the information for a moment before a smile slowly spread across her face.

Nina laughed lightly. "I'm going to take that as a yes."

"Hey!" a voice bellowed from behind where Marilyn stood and Nina straightened up, letting her smile slowly fade. "What are you two doing out here!"

A tall bald man with a goatee walked over with a scowl, looking like he was about to scold them but when he saw Marilyn's face he stopped in his tracks. The man's eyebrows lifted and he shook his head.

"We're just-" she began but he put his hands up.

"Forget it." The man continued to shake his head. "As you were... or do whatever you want."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows. "Does Negan want us-"

"No," he said abruptly, beginning to walk away. "I didn't know it was you." He cleared his throat, "I'm sorry."

Nina's jaw nearly hit the floor and she took a deep breath. "Wow."

"Yeah." Marilyn swallowed hard and looked back at her friend.

"You've got some serious clout around here girl." The smile reformed on her face. "And I like it."

Marilyn would have protested but she decided it was no use - that and she wanted to hear more about the conversation that took place between Negan and Nina. "What did he say?"

"Neegs?"

She laughed a little louder and shrugged. "Sure... yeah. What did he say to you?"

"Just what I told you." She put her hands out to the sides. "You're like beyond going steady huh? This is for real."

"Yeah." Marilyn put a hand on her forehead and looked around for a place to sit down, finding a spot on a small, half wall.

"Are you going to move up there with him?"

There was nothing more that she wanted than to be permanently attached to Negan, though the thought was completely overwhelming in a good way. "Yeah..." Marilyn giggled to herself, "Yeah I want to."

"We're not going to be seeing each other as much," Nina suspected, "But I think the whole thing is really cool... kind of crazy, but cool."

"Crazy is right," Marilyn agreed. She couldn't deny it. The entire scenario was completely insane but she was enamored with every bit of it.

"What is his room like?" she whispered with an even wider grin.

She snickered and waved her with her toward the building where he lived. "Come on... you'll find out in a minute."

...

Nina walked side by side with Marilyn tying to keep up as they carted up the first wave of boxes. "I would never know that all this was up here," she said quietly, glancing around the hallways as they went.

"That's Simon's room," Marilyn whispered, pointing to the last door on the floor before rounding the corner to the slightly segregated area where Negan lived.

"I feel like I'm in a movie," Nina commented, "Not like a freakish horror movie like the last few years, but like a really cool James Bond movie or something."

She laughed. "That's why I love you Nina."

"You're totally going to miss hanging out with me," Nina agreed.

Marilyn glanced to the side at her friend and shook her head. "I'll have more free time on my hands," she reminded her, "We'll have plenty of time to hang out."

"I don't know," she teased, "What about your duties walking the red carpet and joining him for a masquerade ball in the courtyard your highness?"

The two of them began to laugh together and Marilyn shook her head, "Yeah that sounds like me... and even more like Negan."

"Yeah he'd be the type to crash the masquerade, crashing through the front door on his motorcycle."

"Is everything in your mind like a movie?" Marilyn asked with a laugh.

Nina snickered, "Hey, I have to do something to keep my mind occupied." She watched as Marilyn reached in her pocket for the key to Negan's room and a moment later the two of them entered toting Marilyn's belongings.

Right away Nina's eyes tried to take in as much as they could. She stared around the well put-together room, thinking it looked like some fancy hotel suite or something along those lines.

"Wow." She walked over toward the big, open windows and then up toward the deer head mounted on the wall. "This is like... surreal."

"It fits him doesn't it?"

"Um... yes." Nina continued to look around, walking from one side of the oversized room to the other. "Gray walls, king sized bed, animal heads mounted on the wall... a bathroom." She peeked in, "With a nice sized tub."

"I know." Marilyn nodded.

"Liquor." Nina raised her eyebrows and picked up a bottle of scotch that Negan never put away. "I bet he measures this shit."

She laughed. "He's so different in here."

Nina placed the bottle down and half-smiled. "How so?"

"He's normal. He walks around with socks that don't match in his underwear." Marilyn couldn't get the full sentence out without laughing, making her friend do the same.

"Is he a boxers or briefs guy?"

"Boxerbriefs... mostly."

"Does he fill them out?" Nina let her eyebrows rise and fall several times in a row before Marilyn chuckled. When she didn't reply she shook her head. "You know, you're not so great at his friend to friend gossip stuff. Kiss and tell Marilyn... for Christ's sake I'm helping you move in with the guy. I should at least know if he's packing enough heat to keep you satisfied."

Marilyn laughed again. "Where do you come up with this?"

"I told you I need to entertain my mind so I don't go insane." Nina smirked and then chuckled. "Well..."

She sighed and gave a simple thumbs up.

"Boring response."

Marilyn laughed, "Sorry to disappoint you." She looked around the room. "Yeah, this is his place."

"What do you guys do together in here? I mean besides the obvious."

She shrugged. "We watch TV and we sit and talk... sometimes we drink," Marilyn chuckled, "I can't stomach that hard liquor really though." She sighed, "He reads, I read. We've played cards."

"What side of the bed do you sleep on?"

"That side." Marilyn pointed to the left from where they stood near the foot of the bed. She smiled to herself and ran a hand through her hair. "I can't believe this is all happening."

"Did you ever talk to him about that time he said the "L" word?" Nina raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest.

Marilyn cleared her throat and nodded. "Yeah."

"And..."

"I wandered down to where the harem was after you told me that the other women weren't around anymore," she confessed with a sigh. "He found me there. The room was empty. He closed the door, locked it and then launched the key down the length of the hallway." Marilyn swallowed hard as she relived it and felt goosebumps on the back of her neck, "And then we talked for another minute, I asked if he meant what he said..." She sighed contently again.

"And?"

"And he said he loved me."

Nina smiled wide and clapped her hands several times fast in a row. "This is the craziest, most bizarre but wildly awesome and cute love story I think I've ever encountered."

"He said it again the other night."

"I always knew it," Nina confessed. "Always. You didn't want to believe me."

Marilyn smiled and looked down. "Well... I'm glad you were right. Because I've never..." She shook her head, "I don't know. I didn't think my life would ever get better before it got worse. I was wrong." When her smile faded her friend looked at her.

"What's wrong?"

"They're going to attack Alexandria."

"Good."

"No." Marilyn shook her head. "They're leaving tomorrow probably now that the undead are cleared out. He's going to be the one they're gunning for and he's going to put himself right in the middle of it."

Nina smiled, "Marilyn... he's been doing that since the beginning."

"I know. That's what he says, but I'd be devastated if..." She shook her head. "God, I can't even say it."

Nina hugged Marilyn and then pulled back, keeping her hands on her shoulders. "If it makes you feel any better from an outsider's perspective, I'm not any more worried for his life going out there tomorrow than I have been... ever."

"You think?"

She nodded. "Yes. He'll be fine. He always is."

"Yeah..." Marilyn managed a small smile, "Yeah you're right."

"God, he'd be more likely to get stabbed in the back by Dwight... literally." Nina began to chuckle but Marilyn looked at her.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm kidding."

"But you said it... do you think Dwight-"

"Negan's fine." Nina hugged her quick again. "Now let's go get these other boxes so we can make this marriage official." She tugged on a strand of Marilyn's hair and laughed, "Let's go."

"Okay," Marilyn smiled to appease her but couldn't get rid of the uneasy feeling that accompanied the start of the war that Negan was planning for. She also didn't know how serious Nina was about her comment about Dwight. From her own observation Dwight was certainly an angry man and Marilyn knew of their history; however to think he would do something to compromise Negan felt like a stretch.

Marilyn forced herself to look on the major bright side. I'm _moving in to Negan's room permanently... my best friend is helping me... the sun is shining, the undead are gone. What's there to stress out about?_

She quickly let the thought exit her mind and tried to have a good time moving in to Negan's room permanently with the aid of her best friend.


	26. Bittersweet

Marilyn walked with Nina back to her building after all of her belongings were officially in Negan's room. She took a final glance inside her empty room and a bittersweet feeling filtered through her. There was nothing more that she wanted than to live permanently with Negan but the room had been her own personal sanctuary since arriving.

"No more karaoke," Nina said with a sigh.

"Stop," Marilyn said back with a laugh but poured her lip.

"Hey Jude! Don't make it bad!" She pretended to have a microphone in her hand and Marilyn laughed harder.

"I never told Negan about that."

"Na na na... na na na na." Nina began to chuckle Marilyn rolled her eyes. "Thank God for blankets, that's all I have to say."

"I'm going to miss being right down the hall from you," Marilyn told her.

"Me too."

"Hey maybe you could start hooking up with Simon... he's right down the hall from Negan. We could be neighbors again."

Nina made a face. "Ugh... no thanks."

Marilyn continued to laugh. "Come on... take one for the team."

"Just sneak me into the headquarters once in awhile," Nina replied, joining her as they began to laugh. "Come here."

Marilyn gave her friend a long hug. "Do you really think he'll be alright when they go to Alexandria?"

Nina hugged her a little tighter. "I think he'll be fine."

She sighed. "Thanks Nina... for everything... for helping me move my stuff."

"Anytime."

Marilyn waved her toward her empty room and headed toward the corner.

"What're you doing?" Nina asked.

She leaned down and picked up a final cardboard box, handing it over to her friend. "For you."

"What the hell is this?" she asked with a laugh.

"A box of... stuff."

Nina flipped open the top and began to rummage through the top lair. "You didn't have to-"

"Yes I did." Marilyn nodded.

Nina smiled wide and was about to thank her but her eyes shifted toward the door. Marilyn followed her stare and saw Negan slowly making his way into the room. When he didn't initially say anything Marilyn cleared her throat.

"Hey," she greeted him.

"Hi." Negan fought back the smallest smile but Marilyn grinned wider when she saw it was there.

"I'll, uh... I'll just head back to my room," Nina offered but Negan held up a hand and shook his head.

"Don't be so fuckin' uptight," he told her, "No one's rushing you. You did your damn job for the day."

She let out a slow breath through her nose and tried to smile.

Negan reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and crossed the room. "Here." He handed Nina a KitKat and two small Snickers bars.

Nina's eyes widened a bit and she stumbled on her words as she accepted them. "Oh... wow... great... cool... thank you."

"You're welcome." Negan shifted his eyes to meet Marilyn's. "Take your fuckin' time but I'm heading upstairs. I was just coming down here to see what decision you had made." He glanced around the empty room.

Nina put the candy bars into the box and looked back and forth between the two of them. "I'm going to head back down the hall," she offered again, and then said to Negan. "Thank you again... for the candy."

"You're welcome."

She altered the box under one arm and gave Marilyn the tightest hug she could manage. "Thanks for everything Mar."

"You're welcome. Thanks for helping me out all day."

"Anytime." She grinned, glanced at Negan one more time and then made her way out of the empty room.

For a few seconds neither Marilyn or Negan spoke and then at the same time as she began with a, "Thank you," he started to say, "You didn't have to-" The simultaneous nature of their initiation of the conversation made both of them stop talking. When neither of them said anything again Negan went on. "You didn't hae to fuckin' do this."

"I know," Marilyn told him. "I never feel forced into anything with you." She hesitated, "Did, um... did you want me to?"

"No, I just figured it would keep the two of you busy," he joked, "Tomorrow I'll have you move all the shit back." When Marilyn failed to respond he chuckled, "Honey, I'm kidding."

Marilyn snapped out the daze and smiled before chuckling, "I know." She shook her head and then sighed and looked at him more directly. "You won't get sick of me?" Her eyes gleamed with a hint of playfulness.

Negan slowly let a smile spread across his face. "Are you fuckin' sick of me?"

"No." She kept her eyes locked on his.

"Well then..." he took a step forward. "Why don't you head the fuck upstairs and lose at least half of the clothes... I'll take it upon myself to go grab a couple of fuckin' plates from the dining hall... I'll open a bottle of wine since you can't hold your fuckin' liquor and hate the taste of scotch and we'll make use of that record player and throw on the fuckin' Beatles."

Marilyn chuckled and bit down on her bottom lip. The idea couldn't have sounded more perfect and she couldn't wait to get the night started now that Negan was standing in front of her. "Hey Jude?" she teased.

"Hey whatever the fuck you want honey." Negan smirked and planted a kiss on her lips.

"Sounds like a good night." Marilyn continued to smile, "Mind if I slip in for a bath while I wait for you?"

He snickered, "Only if you want some fuckin' company."

"As long as it's you."

"I'm not about to send fuckin' Dwight." He laughed but the name made her thoughts rewind to what Nina had said for a brief second until Negan leaned in and kissed her. He made iit last this time and brought all of her attention back on him in the moment before finally pulling away. "I'll meet you up there."

"Okay." Marilyn sighed with smile.

He grinned back and looked around the empty room. "Fuckin' ready to say goodbye to this place?"

The bittersweet feeling returned but she answered honestly, particularly envisioning the night they had ahead of them. Marilyn smiled and looked him in the eye feeling as if she had just accepted some type of marriage proposal. "Yes."


	27. Promises

Marilyn leaned her back against Negan's chest and let the bath water around them soak into every pore of her skin. The air had a chill and each time she adjusted, letting her shoulders just over the water line she felt a shudder down her back.

Negan reached over her shoulder and handed her a glass of red wine that she had been sipping on while he worked on a tumbler full of bourbon.

"Thank you," she said with a smile and felt his thumbs begin to dig into the top of her back and neck. Marilyn took a small sip of wine and closed her eyes.

"Loosen the fuck up," Negan said quietly. Without turning around she could tell he was grinning. "The muscles are so tight in your neck."

"You're right. I think I'll need this kind of treatment at least once a day," Marilyn teased.

He chuckled. "Go easy with those requests honey." Negan dug in a little harder with his fingers. "But you deserve it for putting up with a fuckin' guy like me."

"Mmm..." Marilyn let out a deep breath and took another sip of wine, "Yeah, my life's just been terrible since getting to know you better. Wine, bubble baths, candy, massages... terrible."

Negan chuckled again. "Yeah but I make you fuckin' worry," he acknowledged.

"Worrying about someone you love is better than being lonely."

He leaned his lips down and kissed her shoulder without stopping what he was doing, and then trailed kisses up her neck. "You can invite Nina up here when I'm gone tomorrow."

Marilyn smiled and turned her head partway to look at him. The smell of the bourbon he'd been drinking combined with the fresh smell of the soap they were engulfed in radiated out of him. "You're good to me."

"Every monster has a fuckin' weakness."

"You're not a monster."

Negan laughed and shook his head. "I've done some fucked up shit. Lots of it." He winked and put his lips to her ear. "I have to say you're probably a little fuckin' crazy for being with me."

Marilyn smirked with he began to nibble on her earlobe. "Maybe I am. This world is crazy so I might as well try to fit in."

"I like your fuckin' attitude doll. For what it's worth... thank you."

"I'm your weakness?" she asked, going back to his original statement.

"Yeah," Negan admitted, "Anything you fuckin' care about in _this_ world can be used against you." He pulled her tighter against him, "But I don't give a fuck."

"Me either."

He reached for his glass of bourbon and took a long swig before letting out a sign and setting it back down. "I may be gone all night tomorrow. I've done things for you and I need you to do something for me."

Marilyn turned toward him slightly again so her elbow leaned on the top of his shoulder. She looked him in the eye. "Anything."

Negan stared back. "You _have_ to try to sleep... and act normal. I don't ask you for very much but I don't want you sitting up by that fuckin' window out there waiting for me. The visual I want in my head when I go out to counterattack those fucks is you sleeping peacefully in here after you and your friend Nina eat some fuckin' nachos and listen to the God damn record player." He let out a chuckle at the visual he'd created and ran a hand through her slightly damp hair. "I fuckin' mean it Marilyn."

She sighed and leaned in and kissed him. "I'll rest. I hope I can fall asleep but I promise I won't do what I did last time and fall asleep sitting up by the window."

"This is going to be one of many," Negan told her, "Every once in a while I have to do this kind of fuckin' shit and with these people I don't foresee it being a quick and easy thing. This shit's going to linger. Rick's a fuckin' soldier... brass fuckin' balls on that guy. I have to give him credit. But if this raid doesn't completely fuckin' shut them down then there will be another round... and another."

"I can handle it." Marilyn nodded. "Go out there with a clear head and... do what you do." She gave a soft smile, "Just come back to me."

Negan rested a hand on her cheek and let his thumb dance in circles on her cheek. "Okay doll."

"Okay."

He winked and half-smiled and then closed his eyes when Marilyn kissed him a little harder and longer. Negan helped turn her to face him completely and continued to kiss her.

"Can you make a little promise to me?" Marilyn asked. She ran her hand down his torso focused on the area below his waist. When his eyes closed and his head dropped back a bit she smiled to herself and tightened her grasp on him. "Or not so little."

Negan let out a chuckle without opening his eyes. "You're kind of fuckin' holding me hostage right now so I don't know if I can give an honest fuckin' promise."

Marilyn released him and wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders. When Negan opened his eyes he gave a lazy grin that matched his stare.

"I didn't fuckin' say I wanted you to stop," he said with a laugh.

She smiled at him and positioned her legs on either side of his. "Can you hear me out?"

Negan's eyes looked her up and down and he was taken off guard when she connected herself to him with one quick move. He groaned and tightened one hand against her back while reaching back for his glass with the other. After another quick shot he set the glass down and pushed her hips down and arched his until he was fully inside of her. When she sighed against him he finally smiled again. "Yeah... go ahead."

Marilyn smiled at him and went to speak but Negan purposely bucked his hips up making her moan lightly and dig her fingers deeper into his back. She let out a laugh. "That's not fair."

"The power has shifted," he teased with a wider smile. Negan carefully brought his lips back to hers, feeling the gentle lapses of his tongue be overtaken by her more aggressive pursuit of him. "Mmm..." he moaned into the kiss and dropped his hands to her hips, encouraging her to move on top of him.

Marilyn let out a deep breath when he guided the center of her left breast to his mouth and she almost got swept away in the moment before getting back to her request. "Negan..." When he pushed up into her with more force she moaned again.

"Say my fuckin' name louder honey," he ordered with a playful but intense tone.

She smiled and forced him to focus on her, gently placing her hands on the side of his face so he would look up at her. "One promise," Marilyn asked.

Negan stopped what he was doing for a moment and leaned his head back all the way against the side of the tub so he was staring up at her. A smile decorated his face. "Okay."

"If something goes wrong," Marilyn told him, "Like really wrong... I want you to come back... or get yourself out of there... whatever. Make a new plan... then you can-"

"Okay," Negan agreed. He brought his hand back to her face and then began to toy with her hair again. "I promise."

"You're not just saying that?"

"No." He studied her eyes and then let a slow smile spread across his face. "If shit gets all fucked up... which it won't... I'll get out of it."

Marilyn sighed and nodded. She then smiled back. "Thank you."

Negan continued to stare up at her with the same lazy grin. "Satisfied?"

"Yeah."

"Now... you going to let me fuck you senseless or what?"

Marilyn sunk down lower onto him and tightened her grasp around him. "Yeah." She smiled when he kissed her several times in the row on the lips before picking up the intensity.

Negan whisper in a break in their kiss. "Don't break your fuckin' promise," he whispered against her lips.

"Don't break yours," she whispered back.

He let out a sigh when she began to grind herself on top of him. "You certainly know how to use your fuckin' power." Negan groaned again and let his eyes roll back into his head as they closed shut.

"I don't have any power."

"Mmm... yeah ya do." He blindly reached for his tumbler full of liquor again and took a swig as they carried on. "Don't stop what you're doin' honey." Negan let out a moan and continued to drink. "If I do fuckin' die tomorrow... this isn't a bad fuckin' last night. I'm half in the bag with the most beautiful woman I know riding my dick like a fuckin' champ in a God damn bubble bath." He laughed to himself but felt Marilyn's body language change and he opened his eyes.

"Don't say shit like that," she told him. "If I die tomorrow..."

"I'm just being honest doll," Negan continued to laugh.

Marilyn shook her head and was about to protest but he grabbed her and kissed her hard. "Just fuckin' roll with it honey. I'll be back here safe and fuckin' sound... and we can carry on like this for the rest of the time we have here." His smile eased her mind a bit, "I'm not fuckin' worried. No one can fuckin' touch us. Alright?"

"Don't say that kind of stuff anymore."

"Another fuckin' promise?"

"Yes."

Negan laughed. "I'll try my best."

"And knock on wood."

"Fuck..." He shook his head. "I can't believe I'm going to feed into this voodoo shit you believe it." Negan knocked on the shelf next to the tub where he set his bourbon glass down. "Fuckin' happy?"

"Yes."

"Good." Negan raised his eyebrows. "Any more fuckin' promises?"

"No."

He smiled. "Then... if you don't mind." Negan motioned toward his waist. "Get back to it honey."


	28. I Won't Be Home For Dinner

"I have people coming up here to serve you food a few times today and tonight," Negan said to Marilyn as he threw on his leather jacket.

"Thank you." She nodded and watched him pace the room, arming himself with several guns he had handy. "Is that all you're taking with you?"

He managed a fleeting grin and then continued what he was doing, mentally running the game through his mind as he got ready. "No. The trucks are being packed now with a shitload of shit."

The handheld radio on the small table in between the couches went off with a simple, "Negan," from an unknown male voice.

Negan looked up to Marilyn as he crossed the room to pick it up. "See." He held it up to his lips and glanced out the window. "What Simon?"

"Trucks one, two and three are loaded. Dwight's rounding up four and five. We should be good to go in less than twenty minutes."

"That's what I like to fuckin' hear. I'll be down in ten."

"Roger that."

Negan adjusted the collar on his jacket, eyed the guns he had on each hip and then reached for where Lucille was propped against the couch.

"Good luck," Marilyn said to him. She eyed the clock on the wall that read one o'clock and noted how long he would be away if he expected not to be home that night.

"Thanks doll." He placed the bat on his shoulder out of habit and looked at her a moment before crossing the room. When she sighed and looked down he gently placed his thumb and pointer finger beneath her chin so she'd look back up at him. "Don't drink all the whiskey on me when I'm gone." Negan winked and gave a smile.

Marilyn sighed and nodded. "Okay." She looked into his eyes and then accepted a kiss as he leaned down and touched his lips to hers. "Be safe."

"I'll communicate to you when I can," Negan told her, "If you want to listen in on our shit turn to channel three. I'll talk to you personally just you and I on channel five."

The thought provided a small sense of relief amongst the anxiety she was experiencing. "Okay. Thank you."

"If you're on channel three and you hear me say, I won't be home for dinner, change to station five."

Marilyn grinned and managed a small chuckle. "Alright."

Negan smiled when he saw her expression change. "Thanks honey."

She looked up to him and brushed her hand across the trim beard that decorated his face. "I'll be waiting."

"But don't fuckin' wait up." Negan's eyes scanned hers and he forced her to look at him.

"I'll try."

He smirked. "You promised me last night."

Marilyn knew she had to try to fulfill her obligated and nodded. "I won't wait up... but I want you to radio to me if you're all okay and on your way home. Please."

"I fuckin' promise." Negan put a hand over his heart and chuckled. He then ran the back of his hand gently across her cheek. "I gotta go."

She leaned into a kiss he initiated and then pulled him back for a second and third. "I love you Negan."

"I fuckin' love you too." He winked and pointed as he parted from her. "If that kid doesn't come with food for you at least three or four times you fuckin' let me know."

Marilyn shook her head. "Go easy on him."

"Not in my nature doll." Negan propped Lucille back on his shoulder, grabbed the walkie talkie and headed for the door. "I'll see ya later on."

She nodded and watched him go, eyeing the door for several seconds after he had left. Marilyn stayed still and tried to listen to the sound of his footsteps but she couldn't hear anything and finally slumped down onto the center of the bed.

 _I have to keep myself busy today_ , she told herself.

...

Negan mentally counted up the trucks as he approached the loading dock area and saw the trucks that Simon was responsible for ready to go. "We got the fuckin' grenades like I asked?"

Simon nodded. "Loaded up in a box up front."

"Good," Negan told him, "You're fuckin' driving. I'll ride shotgun so I can have easy access to that shit. Remember, we're not going in there just firing away."

"Dwight has the woman in truck four."

"Bag over her head?"

Simon nodded. "Yeah."

Negan glanced down at the line of trucks and approached the fourth one as Dwight was motioning to a few other men to get in. "You got her?" he bellowed.

"The one from Rick's camp?"

"Who the fuck else would I be talking about?"

Dwight nodded. "Got her secured in the back."

"Out-fuckin'-standing Dwight." Negan turned back and motioned to Simon, "Let's hit the fuckin' road and get this shit over with."

Simon nodded and the two of them headed for the front of the truck.

"Negan!" a voice shouted, prompting him to turn around as he reached for the handle. A man hurried up to him out of breath.

"Spit it the fuck out," Negan ordered, "Jesus. What?"

"They attacked one of the outposts," he informed him. "It was The Kingdom this time. They've sided with Alexandria."

"How many?"

"Outposts?"

"People dipshit... how many fuckin' people on our side were killed?"

"I don't know... a bunch. We killed a bunch of theirs as well."

Negan felt his face grow hot and he clenched his jaw and stared across at Simon, who had yet to enter the vehicle. "Fuck this shit." He pounded a fist on the door, "Show no fuckin' mercy."

"Sticking to the same plan?" Simon asked him, eyes slightly wide with the sudden rush of adrenaline.

"Yes... but when we attack we fuckin' send a God damn message so they're pissing in their fuckin' pants. Maybe after we'll swing by to give King Ezekiel a fuckin' visit." He shouted into the air, "Fuck!" Negan flung the door open. "Let's fuckin' roll. I'm done with this bullshit."

Simon followed his lead and hopped in the car, gunning the engine right away.

"Floor that shit." Negan nodded with his head and sat with an angry, impatient scowl in the front seat. "Fuck they are going to regret fuckin' with us in about twenty fuckin' minutes." He took a breath and nodded. "Yeah they're going to fuckin' pay for this shit."

Simon pushed the pedal to the floor as the truck lead the way and barreled out of the Sanctuary. Neither of them could wait until they arrived to deliver the long awaited message to the Alexandrians.


	29. Channel Five

Marilyn tried everything to keep herself occupied and had to consciously remind herself of her promise to Negan. It was the only rationale that she could fathom and was attempting to relax solely for him.

On her own wishes she went down to maintain the gardens for a few hours and felt guilty when she decided to call it quits, noting that her friends were required to stay for the remainder of the shift. To partially make up for it she rounded up some snacks that the young man Negan sent up had given to her earlier and passed them out to the women at work. With most of the alpha males gone none of them feared getting caught, though they started to openly acknowledge that the risk for getting punished was minimal if Marilyn was involved.

"Keep making that man happy," her friend Patty had said when she handed her a package of pre-made peanut butter crackers.

Marilyn managed a quick laugh but shook her head, prompting her friend to apologize with an accompanied chuckle.

"Sorry for bailing," Marilyn walked up to Nina who shook her head.

"You have a much bigger job to do," her friend teased.

Marilyn rolled her eyes with a grin.

I wish I could go for a jog to clear my head, she thought.

The warm, overcast afternoon lingered and like many times Marilyn found herself daydreaming of a normal world where she and Negan could be together. She felt it would have been the perfect type of late afternoon to take a stroll around the block, hand-in-hand while he rattled off dirty jokes and let her speak about her day at work.

The imagery and the daydreams were quickly pushed aside when Marilyn acknowledged the reality of that day. Negan was out attacking Alexandria, who had already done a number on the Sanctuary. They were teamed up with other communities and Marilyn suddenly realized that she had no idea how many people they were actually up against.

She would have let her mind wander further into worry and despair if Negan's voice hadn't popped onto the radio on occasion, indicating he was still on two feet. Still, if a half hour went by with nothing Marilyn felt her stomach begin to nod up as she created a world of anticipation that swirled with unhappy endings.

"Hey Nina, want to come up and just relax?" She asked quietly.

"Where?"

"Negan's room," she caught herself and shrugged. "My room... our room."

"Am I allowed since I'm not on duty helping you move?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yeah of course."

The radio went off that Marilyn had clipped onto her jeans and she quickly picked it up to listen to it. When she heard Negan's code words for the first time as he stated, "I'm not going to be home for dinner," she held up a finger to her friend, asking her to wait a moment, before hurrying away from the group for some privacy.

Marilyn couldn't change the station fast enough to get to their private station and fumbled on the knob until she finally got it situation in her hands. "Negan?"

"Here doll." His voice was scratchy, tired.

"Are you okay?"

"Heading back."

"Did you win?" She didn't sense a hint of victory in his voice.

There was a long pause and then he finally responded. "I'm just keeping my fuckin' promise to you doll."

Marilyn felt her chest tighten a bit. "What happened?"

"A lot."

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

She knew she was peppering him with questions. "Where are you?"

"Just leaving-" an interruption of gunshots over cut into the conversation followed by what Marilyn thought sounded like a horn being held down. The last thing she heard was Negan curse before the noise all stopped.

Marilyn stood open-mouth for a second before finally snapping out of the momentary daze. "Negan?" When several seconds went by and she heard nothing her voice grew more shrill as she called for him again. "Negan!"

Nothing.

Marilyn's foot began to tap in a nervous tick and she took in a deep breath as she tried to come to grips with what to do or feel.

"Negan are you there?"

The silence taunted her and she almost began to cry or scream or throw a tantrum of some sort.

Marilyn quickly flipped back to channel three and immediately heard the collection of anxious voices.

"Negan you there?" Pause. "Negan! Fuck is anyone there?"

"He flipped the bastard, Dwight fuckin' flipped!" Another male voice ignited the radio but it wasn't Negan. "He shot up our men! He's with Alexandria!"

"The driver was picked off!" The first man shouted. "Fuck! We're fucked!"

"Negan!" Another voice shouted. "Are you alive?"

The statement made Marilyn feel hot and cold all at once. Chills ran down her back but her cheeks filtered with a crimson red. She pressed the button to speak on the main channel but stopped herself and switched back to station five.

"Negan? Are you there?" Marilyn waited, eyes filling with a subtle glisten when each second passed and he didn't reply.

She didn't know how many more times she could say his name without completely breaking down.

"Mar, you okay?" Nina put a hand on her shoulder and Marilyn spun around startled as she didn't hear her approach.

"He's not responding." She sunk back against the wall. "He called me and said he was coming home and then there were gun shots..."

"Are you on the right frequency?" Nina wrapped her hand around Marilyn's that held the radio and glanced at the knobs on top.

"This is our channel," Marilyn told her. "Channel five." She brought the radio back to her lips and felt a tear escape one of her eyes. "Negan?" Her voice was more calm but her hand began to shake when he didn't respond again.

"Are you sure this is the channel?"

"Yes." She turned the knob back to the main station. "I don't talk on this one, but-"

"Retreat back!" a female voice came over the radio. "Negan isn't responding. Get back to the Sanctuary."

There was a flurry of chatter back and forth, all voices filled with angst and then nothing again.

Marilyn looked up at Nina. "You were right about Dwight." She wiped a few more tears from her face, "I heard them say he turned on them."

"What!"

Marilyn switched back to station five and held the radio to her ear.

"What do you mean he turned on them?" Nina asked.

"He killed some of us... some of the Saviors. That's what they said on the radio." Her voice was far away and meek. "God, I need to hear his voice." Marilyn slumped down with her back against the wall until she was squatted down staring at the radio in her hands.

Nina mirrored her position and stared at her friend. "Let's go inside," she waved. "Come on."

"Nina." Marilyn felt frozen. She shook her head and couldn't move. "What if he-"

"Stop," Nina gently put her hands over Marilyn's. "Come with me. We'll attach this to a charger so it doesn't out."

The fear of losing battery was the only source of motivation that brought Marilyn back up to her feet.

Nina immediately hugged her and then looked at the radio. "He may be fighting... I'm sure he's fine."

Marilyn didn't say anything and then followed her in through the door that she had gone through with Negan the first time he towed her to his room. Memories of the night of the storm flashed through her mind and standing in that dark hallway without him sent a rush of adrenaline and emotion through her.

"It's this way right?" Nina asked. She turned around at the same time that Marilyn collapsed onto a bench and began to cry.

"Marilyn." She rushed to her side and threw an arm around her. "Shh... it's okay. He's okay."

"I don't think he is," she sobbed. "He could be dead Nina. We were mid conversation, there were gunshots... he hasn't come back on the radio."

"They're on their way back."

"Without him." Marilyn continued to cry. "I want to go find him." She went to stand but Nina kept her seated.

"Marilyn we can't." She swallowed hard and used the radio as a means to keep her in place. "If we don't get this charged you'll have no way to talk to him." Nina tried to sound confident. "He's alive Mar."

Marilyn dried her eyes and sniffed in. She looked down at the radio in her trembling hands and nodded. "Okay." She let out a decompressing sigh. "Okay, but if they come home without him I'm going out there to find him."


	30. Home

"Should we go down there?" Marilyn asked Nina after waiting around and altering from station to station for twenty minutes.

"I don't know," she confessed. "He'd come up here right?"

Marilyn grabbed the walker-talkie and put it up to her mouth. "Negan?"

She knew he would have spoken to her already if he was tuned into the station so when he didn't reply the disappointment was expected. Marilyn sighed.

"I don't know what the hell to do," she said softly, plopping down on the sofa.

Nina folded her arms and looked out the window. "I think all we can really do is keep waiting."

"We should go down to the loading dock," Marilyn told her.

"I don't know." Nina sighed.

"I can't just sit here. It's been like a half hour. They should be back." She rose to her feet and looked around the empty room but wasn't sure what to do. For a moment she just stood there drowning in the silence and the self-imposed madness of the unknown.

Nina looked over her shoulder at her friend for a moment and then jumped when a loud noise rang through the air. "What the hell was that?"

Marilyn glanced her and then hurried for the door with Nina at her heels. She flung it open and rounded into the hallway, immediately hearing another slam from around the corner, accompanied with a loud, "Fuck!" and then jumped out of the way when a piece of red plastic flew in her direction.

"Marilyn." Negan's voice made her freeze and she widened her eyes and opened her mouth. If it weren't for the shock of seeing him alive and well then she would have cried.

"Oh my God," Nina said quietly from behind. She squeezed Marilyn's hand, noting her friend must have felt a rush of relief.

Negan breathed heavy, his chest heaving up and down as he stood behind a plastic red chair that he had shattered with Lucille. When Marilyn looked down at the broken piece that had flown her way from the blow when he hit it Negan hurried over to her.

"Did that shit hit you?" he asked.

Marilyn almost couldn't speak and she shook her head adamantly. "No." She couldn't smile; couldn't cry. All she could do was stare at him.

Negan opened his mouth to speak but turned when Simon barreled up the stairs toward his living quarters.

"I didn't know," Simon began to plead immediately as Negan marched up to him. He put his hands up, "Negan-"

"What the _fuck_ was that all about?" he shouted when he said the word fuck and took another step in Simon's direction.

"I didn't know," he said again. "He just started shooting."

Negan raised his voice even louder, "I can't fuckin' trust anyone in this mother fucking fuck, fuck, fuck of a place!"

Simon put a hand on the center of his own chest. "You can trust me. We were there to do our job. Dwight went rogue."

"He fucked everything up! Every fucking thing!"

"We can go back."

Negan cocked back and then let a sinister smile spread across his face. "We can go back?" he let out a laugh, "Fuckin' go back? We can go the fuck back!" He turned and slammed the bat down on top of the chair again. "Fuck!"

"We got some of them," Simon reminded him. "We destroyed their shit. We threw the grenades. We shot them. That lady was bit in the arm. Rick's lady friend fell from the tower. They're in shambles."

"They're in shambles?" Negan pounded on his chest. " _We_ are in fuckin' shambles!"

"We'll regroup," Simon said, "We'll go..." he hesitated, recognizing he was about to say the first suggestion all over again, "...back." When Negan stood glaring at him with his hands tightened around Lucille he swallowed hard, eyes alternating from Negan's eyes to the bat and then back to Negan. "I'll see to it myself."

Negan continued to breath heavy and closed his eyes shut tight as he struggled to maintain composure. When he lowered the bat Simon seemed to take the first breath since being confronted by Negan. "Oh we're going back," Negan said quietly, "You better mother fuckin' believe we're going back."

Simon's eyes shifted to where Marilyn and Nina stood and Negan followed his stare before turning back to his main man. "If I find out you had an ounce of fuckin' knowledge about Dwight and his fucking plans I will kill you... slowly Simon. Do you fuckin' get that?"

"Yes," Simon nodded. "Yes. I wasn't involved. I watched him gun down our people and I took a shot at him."

"And you fuckin' missed."

"I missed," he confirmed, looking down.

Negan looked him up and down, performing his own personal lie detector test and then released him. "You secure this perimeter. They aren't coming here for us tonight. We are meeting at dawn, fucking dawn! And we're creating another plan to get back there. Double fucking check on the outposts and make sure they're aware and alert."

"They are," Simon assured him but agreed when Negan glared at him. "I mean... I will. I will. I'll contact them and make rounds securing the perimeter."

Negan reached for the walkie-talkie he had in his hand and snatched it from his grasp. "Go fuckin' take one from one of the other nobody's who did jack shit for us today."

Simon swallowed hard again and nodded. "Okay."

"And fucking call me the second you get it. The fucking _second_ you get it."

He nodded. "I will."

Negan took a deep breath and turned back Marilyn. For a long moment he stared at her until Nina quietly spoke up.

"I'll, um, go back to my room now... if that's okay."

"If we don't fucking step up our shit you may not have a room to go back to soon." He clenched his jaw and looked at Simon. "Give the lady a fucking escort to her room and then get a God damn radio in your hands."

Simon nodded and looked at Nina. "Let's go."

Nina looked at Marilyn, drawing her hand across her back as she went and then hurried to catch up with Simon as he made his way back down toward the doorway at the end of the hall.

Negan turned back to Marilyn and again just gave her a look - the same type of look he always gave her. It was as if a switch had flipped, bringing him from the height of his anger to the calm, composed man he presented to her behind closed doors.

Marilyn couldn't contain herself. She walked the short distance to him and wrapped her arms around, kissing him hard and urgently.

Negan reciprocated and kissed her back for a moment. "Are you sure that shit didn't hit you?" he asked her.

Marilyn's eyes flickered open and she shook her head without separating herself from him. "No, it didn't hit me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize." She ran a hand down his face and paused before saying,"You stopped responding."

Negan entwined a strand of hair in his fingertips. "My driver was shot in the fuckin' head," he said, "Fucker face planted on the horn and I had to get him out of the way so I could drive the fuckin' thing out of there. I dropped the fuckin' radio out the window when I threw him out."

Marilyn smiled and laughed lightly as tears fell down her face again. She laughed and cried and Negan threw his arms around her as the sobs took over and she cried into his chest.

"I didn't break my promise," he told her, stroking her hair.

Marilyn took a moment to let out all of her emotion and then finally composed herself enough to respond. "I know."

Negan leaned back as she did and he dried her eyes with one hand before leaving a kiss on her lips. She let out a loud sigh and put her hand over his as he set it on her cheek. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Marilyn shook her head and kissed his thumb several times in a row as he let it dance across her lips.

"You're going back at dawn?" she asked, leaning her face into his palm as he let his hand linger as his fingers traced her face.

"No," Negan assured her, "Just meeting back with the team to regroup and make a new plan."

"How bad was it?"

"Losses on both sides," Negan said, "If Dwight didn't do what he did we would have come out on top. He killed five or six men himself and warned the people of Alexandria... gave them fuckin' tips and shit."

Marilyn closed her eyes and shook her head.

"We're not going back there tomorrow, but we will eventually... soon."

She nodded this time and then looked up at him.

Negan looked her up and down. "God, you're beautiful."

"I wish we could just run away," Marilyn whispered. "Just you and me. Maybe there's a city somewhere that's still functioning normally."

He shook his head and spoke softly. "There's nowhere like that anymore."

She knew he was right but craved the normalcy for the two of them that occurred so frequency in her daydreams. "Yeah..."

Negan took her hand in his. "Let's go home."

Home. The word felt so comforting to Marilyn and that was all that she wanted. In this world, this was home and as long as Negan was there with her it was good enough. To be with Negan anywhere was the greatest gift she could have asked for.

He looked her in the eye again and then gently gave a tug on her hand. Marilyn followed him around the corner down to their own private lair in the Sanctuary and felt a wave of contentment when the door opened and closed behind them. There was no mistaking it. Negan and Marilyn were in the only space they could find comfort in a world of death. They were home.


	31. Roof Top

Marilyn did a better job at exercising patience. She hung around in the room, made a trip to see Nina and ate lunch with the women in the cafeteria on their lunch break. Negan had risen early that morning as he had planned. The sun hadn't even begun peeking through the curtains when he left, though like always he assured her that three meals would be her way if he wasn't back to share them with her.

The unknowns of Negan's whereabouts and safety the day before made Marilyn simply thankful for him being behind the walls of the Sanctuary. If nothing else she had a temporary peace of mind.

With the closure of lunch she passed the time with a little reading, watching an 80's horror movie that felt like a joke since what the world at turned into and then exited the room to go see what Nina was doing for dinner.

On the walk down she stopped by the set of oversized windows outside of Simon's room and watched as the sun began to set below the line of trees that seemed to go on for miles.

 _I wonder what's behind all of those trees_ , Marilyn wondered. She stopped herself before she could indulge her imagination about hiking through and finding a town, settling down with Negan and living a normal, happy life.

Marilyn continued to stare outward for a moment and then sighed and turned to continue the walk to her old building. She passed by the shattered remnants of the chair Negan had smashed and for whatever reason ran a hand against the jagged edges of plastic.

"Marilyn." Negan's voice came over channel five on the radio she remained inseparable with.

"Hey," she responded right away upon unclipping it from her shorts.

"Have you eaten?"

A warmth filtered into her body and she managed a smile when his dialogue was calm; normal. "No, not yet."

"Why don't you stop down in the mess hall and get us each something to eat."

"Okay." Marilyn nodded as she spoke and looked around the empty hallway.

"I'll meet you outside of our room."

 _Outside of the room?_ She raised her eyebrows. "Alright. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. We'll talk."

"Okay, I love you."

Negan laughed into the receiver and then replied, "Yeah, you too doll."

Marilyn smiled when she heard him begin to talk with whoever was around him, thinking that he probably didn't want to have his partners in crime hearing him say those things out loud. She shook he head but continued to grin and then hurried down to retrieve dinner for the two of them.

...

Negan leaned his back against the wall of the hallway that grew darker with each passing minute. He felt his stomach turning with hunger as he hadn't taken time out of the day to have anything to eat since early in the morning.

When a door opened and closed he grinned to himself and heard Marilyn's footsteps echoing off the walls. She rounded the corner to where he was waiting he gave a wink. "Thanks honey."

"You're welcome," Marilyn smiled at him and had to ask. "Why didn't you want to meet inside?" She nodded toward the door as he took the tray of food from her hands.

"Because we're not eating in there." He used his elbow to motion toward another steel door around a short turn that Marilyn hadn't paid much attention to before that.

"What's over here?"

"Door number two," he joked with a smile, "Open it."

"I've never even noticed this." Marilyn rounded the short corner where a door sat tucked away from the rest of the building.

"Leads to the roof," Negan told her.

She turned to him as she pulled open the door. "You're not going to kick me off like that guy from the Hilltop, are you?"

Negan's face twisted in disbelief that she would suggest such a thing but he lightened up when he saw she kidding. He let out a chuckle. "That's not the plan... but don't piss me off. I've had a rough couple of days."

Marilyn laughed lightly, pleased to see that he was in a semi-good mood despite all that was going on and then led the way into an echoey, gray stairwell with next to no lighting.

Negan held the door open so just a small bout of light filtered in. "Go ahead," he said, "It gets fuckin' dark as shit in here."

"Thanks." She eyed the stairwell and then began to climb up.

"See the next door?" he called up.

"Yeah."

Negan stepped out of the doorway to follow her up, leaving the door to close slowly behind them. He was about to ask if Marilyn could see alright but then the top door opened and the last glow from the setting sun provided enough light for them to see.

"Is it safe up here?" Marilyn asked when they both crossed out onto the highest point of the Sanctuary. She smiled and looked around the at the world below, almost forgetting her question. "This is really cool."

"I come here when I need to think and shit," Negan explained. "So, yeah, I'd say it's fuckin' safe."

Marilyn continued to look around, taking in all angles of surrounding areas before spotting a set of chairs with a small table in between them.

Negan strolled ahead of her with the tray of food and set it down before waving her over. When Marilyn followed she noticed a small, blue cooler in front of the table and then sat down at the same time he did. "Grab a beer doll." He grinned and popped open the lid and rummaged through a small collection of ice before handing her a Bud Lite.

"Thanks." Marilyn smiled. She untwisted the cap and felt him staring at her as she took a long swig, ending with an appreciative sigh. When she heard Negan chuckle she smiled and turned to him. "What?"

"You weren't fuckin' kidding that you were a beer chick."

"I haven't had a beer in... I don't know how long."

"All you have to do is fuckin' ask," Negan reminded her, "You know that."

Marilyn nodded and then ran a hand down the base of his forearm before locking her fingers with his.

"Come here." Negan pulled her in for a kiss and chuckled just after. "I love you. Sorry I didn't say it back on the radio. I just-"

"Were your guys right there?" Marilyn asked, smiling against his lips.

He laughed again. "Yeah..." Negan swallowed hard and leaned back. "Don't take in personal-"

"I don't." Marilyn smiled again and then kissed him several times in a row. When she finally leaned back Negan grinned and reached for the plate of pasta that had been topped with a buttery, garlic sauce.

"Let's give this shit a shot." He twirled the fork around and took a bite. "Pasta's pasta I guess." Negan pointed to the second plate. "Eat doll."

Marilyn took another long sip of her drink and then set it down next to the cooler before reaching for the plate.

"Did the kid come up with breakfast and lunch for you?"

She cleared her throat, "Breakfast yeah." When Negan turned to her with a scowl and his eyebrows pressed together she continued, "I tracked him down and cancelled the lunch so I could eat with Nina and the girls."

A slow smile spread across his face. "I was about to make a fuckin' phone call." He tapped the walkie-talkie.

"No, he's been great. He always brings me more than enough."

"As he fuckin' should." Negan popped the cooler open again and helped himself to a beer as he continued to devour his plate of food.

"Do you want more?" Marilyn asked, seeing how fast he was eating.

He grinned and finished chewing a big bite before shaking his head. "I have some shit stocked up for dessert later."

"You sure? I may not eat all of this." She looked at her own plate and he adamantly denied.

"You need your fuckin' calories. Don't skimp out on eating." Negan returned the bottle of beer to his lips and drank almost half of it without taking a breath. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked at her. "But I fuckin' appreciate it doll." He leaned his head back against the top of the chair and slumped down a bit. "I set the plan in motion for round two."

"With Alexandria?" Marilyn mirrored his position, letting one of her feet brush against his.

"Yeah." He turned his head to the side, not picking it up off the wooden frame that supported him. "I didn't get to explain much last night. Half of their town burned to the ground... we have to go in for the final blow and attack the Hilltop. That'll shut shit down on both ends and they won't be able to counter attack the way they did after that."

"So yesterday... some good came out of it?"

"Some." Negan nodded. "We just lost more men at our outposts and you know what happened with Dwight."

"Yeah." Marilyn sighed and nodded back. "So you think that'll be it then?"

"For awhile," he said, "Unless they're that fuckin' stupid and try something right after." Negan looked outward and took a shorter sip from the beer bottle this time."

"When do you think you'll go again?"

He cleared his throat and glanced down when she crossed her foot over his. "We're still regrouping... so I'm thinking two nights from now."

Marilyn nodded. "Okay."

"Tomorrow me and Simon are going to scout out an area that we can set up a camp not far from the Hilltop."

"You're going to camp out in the woods?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"That's not..." Marilyn shook her head.

"We'll find the perfect spot. There's going to be a shitload of us with cars, trucks and supplies." Negan reached up and touched her face with a grin. "We'll be alright honey."

She sighed and tried to keep the mood light. "You're going to make me go gray prematurely, you know that?"

Negan shrugged. "I'd still want to fuck you if that's any consolation."

Marilyn managed a genuine laugh and shook her head. "Just keep your promises," she reminded him.

He toyed with bottle of beer, swishing the liquid around as he gently twirled the bottle in slow circles before taking another sip. "You don't keep yours," he teased.

"I do." She grinned and leaned slightly toward him.

"Mmm..." Negan drank from his bottle again and raised his eyebrows while making eye contact with her.

Marilyn shook her head again. "I can't not worry... but I haven't sat up the way I did that one night."

He ran a hand through his hair and looked up at the sky that had been taken over with deep blues and a collection of stars that overlooked the lighter shades closer to the horizon. "What a nice fuckin' night."

"Yeah..." She nodded and looked back at him. "Thank you Negan."

"For what?"

"Making this world a little bit brighter for me."

"I make the world dark for a lot of other people," Negan acknowledged.

"Is it selfish of me to say I don't care?" Marilyn answered her own question, "I suppose that it is."

"Thank you for your loyalty," he told her, "I fuckin' mean that shit. It's hard to find..." Negan thought back to Dwight's betrayal the day before, "Obviously." He ran his fork through the remnants of the pasta that he'd eaten and Marilyn scooped a fork-full from her plate to his.

"Have some," she encouraged, though he began to fight her with his own fork, making her laugh.

"What did I fuckin' tell you?"

"You're bigger than me," Marilyn reminded him, still chuckling, "I'm full, you need more calories than I do to get by." She reached for another beer and held it up to him when he continued to give her a look of disapproval. "I'll drink the difference." When she winked he huffed a laugh and shook his head.

"Fine," Negan agreed, "You win."

"I know." She grinned back at him and finished off what was left of her food before setting the empty plate down on the little table.

He quickly finished the extra she had given him and did the same.

"What a night." Marilyn echoed his words from earlier and then turned to look at him at the same time he looked at her.

Negan motioned for her to stand up with his hand and she grinned, doing as he asked before he pulled her down onto his lap.

Marilyn draped an arm around his shoulders so they were nearly face to face as she sat nearly sideways with her feet crossed hanging over the armrest.

He leaned forward the few inches to leave a kiss on her lips and then let his head rest all the way back again.

"We should do dinner up here at least once a week," Marilyn said to him.

Negan grinned. "Sure honey." He ran a hand up the back of her shirt and began to trace his fingers the length of her back.

"I still wish we could just get out of here," she said quietly.

"Mmm..." he brought her cheek to his lips and then cradled his arms around her when she leaned against his chest. "We'll be alright once this Hilltop thing is settled."

Marilyn glanced up at him, prompting Negan to look down. She had a million things running through her mind that she wanted to say and ask but she couldn't think of anything other to say than an honest. "I love you. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'll be fine." He sighed and pulled her closer and then closed his eyes. For the first time he didn't have that whole sense of confidence like he typically did, particularly when one of his own men had betrayed him. _I hope,_ he thought, _I fuckin' hope so._


	32. Double

Stock up the guns. Bring all of the grenades. Make sure we have the copies of the maps. No talking on the radios. Shoot to kill.

All of the above were reoccurring themes of the day to follow once Negan and Simon stalked out the best place to lay out the Saviors camp for the night to follow.

Marilyn tried to concentrate on reading, relaxing and watching reruns of old television shows that Negan had available but it was impossible with men coming in and out of the room.

Whatever secrecy there has been regarding their relationship was long gone. Whether it was Arat, Simon or anyone else they all were adamantly aware of her presence in the room as Negan sat across from each of them individually on the set of couches like a boss with interviewees. They went over the plan's details, were handed a map Negan had constructed himself from the original of the area and then sent on their way to have a big meal and a good night's sleep to prepare for the day to follow.

Marilyn tried her best not to eavesdrop but like many elements of her life she found it rather impossible. It had been a long time since she had actively made her way outside of the walls of the Sanctuary and so she wondered how big of a threat a herd of the undead would be for Negan and his small army. In all of the conversations she'd overheard they weren't once brought up as a threat and he seemed to think some makeshift fences and round-the-clock guards would do for one night.

Simon was the last Savior to finalize the plan with Negan. From start to finish they covered their bases, going over the map of the camp site and its barriers right down to the square foot. There were backup plans in case the mission was compromised, whether that be killing members of Rick's army on the spot if they were spotted, or full-on attacking if an enemy located their whereabouts and got away to tell Rick and the others about it. The only thing missing was an exit strategy. Negan hadn't once talked about retreating if necessary and no one questioned it.

"Well," Simon said, "Maybe we'll get a new Doctor Carson out of the deal." He let out a laugh, "When their cities are shambles where the hell else is going to go?"

"He'd be of use to us so he's the fuckin' exception to that shoot to kill rule... unless he's fuckin' armed and pointing a gun in your face." Negan crinkled his nose, "Fuck, I should have said that shit to the others."

"I got it," Simon assured him with a cheeky grin. He patted Negan on the shoulder, "We'll be back here laughing about this shit soon... maybe get Dwight into a cell and feed him dog food for the dog he is."

"I'd like to see Dwight alive," Negan agreed, "But he's going down fuckin' swinging so don't count on that shit."

Simon nodded and the two of them stood up.

"Have Johnny Boy bring you up a plate of whatever the fuck you want. Eat up, rest up. We have a shit storm ahead of us."

Simon used his thumb to point toward the toward, "Oh, I got some food up here waiting for me... lots of it."

Negan narrowed his eyes. "Is that right?"

He grinned a little wider, "Yeah..." Simon looked at Marilyn for a moment and chuckled before raising his eyebrows at Negan. "I'll see ya in the morning."

Negan looked at Marilyn and then back to Simon before seeing him to the door. "Company?"

"You could say that." He didn't indulge anymore information but exchanged a grin with Negan and went whistling down the hallway.

"What was that all about?" Negan asked once the door closed.

Marilyn shook her head. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"You get him food?"

She shook her head again. "No. I've been here with you almost all day."

Negan stood with an inquisitive look on his face, eying the ceiling a moment as he thought. For the first time that night he wasn't talking about the potential war at hand. "Come on," he waved a hand, "I'm fuckin' intrigued."

Marilyn rose to her feet and followed him out the door. "What are we doing?"

"Spying." He let out a chuckle and led her down the hall and around the corner until they were standing outside of Simon's room. Negan leaned an ear to the door, hearing laughter and voices. When he raised his hand to knock Marilyn almost stopped him but she didn't and waited as Negan's three loud knocks brought Simon to the door.

With a smile he flung it open, an expression that changed the second he saw Negan standing there. "What's the matter?" was Simon's first response.

Marilyn let her eyes drift over his shoulder and let her mouth open in a small bout of surprise when she saw Nina standing there casually in a tank-top, shorts holding a half-glass of wine.

"Nina?"

"Hi..." Marilyn made a face and gave a guilty but silly wave in her friend's direction and then smiled.

Negan let a slow grin spread across his face and he shook his head. "Fuck... nothing is the matter. I'll see you in the fuckin' morning but you better be ready to do your fuckin' job."

"Of course." Simon's expression altered between a smile and concern but he continued to nod until Negan nodded back and draped an arm over Marilyn's shoulders as they headed back down the hallway before she and Nina could get another word in.

The door closed to Simon's room and Marilyn looked up at Negan. "I had no idea..." She shook her head in disbelief.

"Well... if the two of us make it back without getting shot in the fuckin' head then we'll go on a double fuckin' date. How about that?"

"Negan, don't say-"

He kissed her, breaking her sentence and laughed when she tried to pull away until she finally gave in and kissed him more enthusiastically. "You're fuckin' fun to rile up sometimes doll."

Marilyn smiled and crinkled her nose. "It's too easy for you isn't it?"

"Yeah..." Negan admitted, towing her by the hand down the hall and into the room, "But that's one of the many fuckin' things I love about you."

"I hope that's not all you love about me," she teased, still smiling.

Negan swiftly scooped her up off the ground making her scream and laugh at the same time. He laughed and crossed the room, seating her down on the table where he often sat drinking his liquor and thinking. "I love how easy I can fuckin' do that." He set his hands on either side of her where she sat, aligning the height of his face with hers.

Marilyn chuckled and accepted a longer, firmer kiss he initiated and wrapped her arms around him. "I love how easy you can fuckin' do that too," she said quietly against his lips.

"I love it when you fuckin' use foul language." Negan spoke against her lips and kept his eyes open for an extra second to watch hers as she kissed him again before letting his flicker shut. "I can't fuckin' get enough of you," he huffed out in a brief break in the kiss before pursuing her more aggressively.

"Me either."

Marilyn couldn't imagine her life without Negan and so every day was filled with constant worry. That was why she knew she had to allow herself to fully enjoy every single moment she had with him.

None of it mattered at that moment. Not the next day, not the war, not even all of the questions she had for Nina about Simon. All Marilyn could focus on was Negan.


	33. Gut Feeling

"I shouldn't let you be doing this." Negan's hands tightened around Marilyn's bare hips as she straddled him on the couch. He took in a quiet deep breath and let it out as a deep groan before his eyes closed.

"Why not?" She smiled and ran her hands up the top of his chest and locked them more securely on his shoulders.

"Because..." He swallowed hard as she moved against him and then reopened his eyes to look at her, "...I should be trying to fuckin' sleep. They say a boxer should never fuck his girl the night before a big fight."

"You could always ditch the mission and stay locked up in here with me." Marilyn began to laugh lightly but moaned when he arched up into her with more force.

"I'd love to honey." Negan drew a hand up where her neck met her jawline and kissed her once firmly. "After tomorrow... or the next day..." He kissed her again, "I'll take a mini fuckin' vacation with you."

"Mmm... I like the sound of that." Marilyn continued to kiss him, moaning into his mouth every few minutes as he took control from beneath her where he sat.

"I'll let you give me a full body fuckin' massage," he teased, continuing to kiss her as she rode him.

Marilyn tightened her arms around him, hugging her body to his. "You'd just do it for the happy ending," she whispered against his lips.

Negan laughed and ran his hands up, digging his fingers into her back as he did. When her teeth latched onto his earlobe he closed his eyes and moaned her name before dropping his lips to her shoulder to lay kisses down toward the top of her arm and then back halfway up her neck. "That feels fuckin' good doll," he said when she continued her sensual assault on his ear.

Marilyn continued for another minute and then pulled back, grabbing his face with both hands so she could engulf his mouth with her own. When Negan kissed her back hard, overpowering her own enthusiasm she moaned. The combination of him pumping inside of her, his fingers digging into her back and his aching, desperate tongue combating for dominance with hers made her entire body tense with a pleasure she couldn't compare to anything else.

Negan could sense her impending orgasm and so he kept his movements uniform, adding extra force every few seconds but maintaining the sensual, controlled pace that had led her to where he was already taking her. He opened his eyes to take in her expression and breathed into her mouth, "Let it out honey."

Marilyn loved it when he gave her the simple command. It was often exactly what she needed to cruise to the pleasure-induced high that only he could give her.

Before she could fully give him the appreciation he deserved Negan let out a short string of obscenities and his body stiffened up against hers. Marilyn tightened her fingers against the back of his head and grabbed a fistful of hair, saying his name at the same time that he said hers.

Negan's lips pressed against the center of her throat and his eyes closed tighter before he let out a deep breath and trailed off to the side of her neck. "Fuck Marilyn," he whispered.

She cradled his head against her feeling shivers trace the length of her back and neck when he continued to let out husky breaths against her. When he kissed the tops of breasts she sighed and then rested her head on top of his and closed her eyes.

"Don't go," Marilyn whispered.

Negan swallowed hard. "You know I have to," he said quietly, beginning to run a hand up and down her back.

"Mmm..."

He leaned his head back and guided her back a few inches by her waist. "It'll all work out."

"I really hope so." She looked down and then back up with a sign and put a hand on the side of his face.

Negan let out a sigh of his own when she pushed a handful of his hair back and looked her directly in the eye. "Honey... this is what I do."

Marilyn bit down on her bottom lip in an attempt not to cry. The last thing she wanted was to sound like some blubbering, needy bimbo but all at once the feeling overtook her desire to remain calm and confident. When the first tear fell from her eye Negan wiped it away, making her cry a little more.

"Marilyn." His voice was soft; empathetic.

She sniffed in, "I'm sorry." Marilyn dried her eyes with the back of her hand and shook her head.

"I'm fuckin' sorry," Negan told her. "I'm a ruthless fuckin' bastard who fell for a woman with a heart of fuckin' gold. It's only a matter of time before I break it."

"You're not breaking my heart Negan," she assured him through a continuation of tears. "My heart is exactly the opposite... it's so full because of you." Marilyn felt cheesy and vulnerable as she spoke but she couldn't turn it off. "I want this... I want you here... safe. I don't want you to go tomorrow Negan. Please."

"Honey-"

"I'm being unfair and unreasonable." Marilyn wiped more tears away that fell as she spoke. "And I've completely disrupted your life but I will not ask you for anything else if you just stay." When Negan just stared back her speechless she went on. "I have a gut feeling; a bad feeling. I felt it the last time too and luckily you came back." She sighed, "What if that was the warning shot?"

He swallowed hard and looked up at her before speaking in a way that he felt was rational. "The two times... they aren't related." When she went to protest he cut her off, "They aren't. It's two completely separate ordeals, and this time we've planned it out a little better." Negan sat more upright and held her against him so she wouldn't fall. "Marilyn when we come back the threats will be fuckin' gone or at least minimized."

"You're going to be the target out there," she reminded him, swallowing hard and sniffing in.

Negan ran his hand along the curve of her face and kissed her forehead before lifting her up into his arms as he rose to his feet. He carried her to the bed and set her down before disappearing into the bathroom and returning with a handful of tissues. "Here."

Marilyn took them from his hand. "Thank you."

Negan sat beside her for a moment and allowed her to dry her eyes before he spoke again. "I understand you're fuckin' worried. If our roles were reversed I would be too." He took a breath and captured her gaze again. "But this is something that has to be done. There's no way around it. If we wait they _will_ come back and they _will_ be gunning for me like the last time." Negan brought his face closer to her and touched his lips against hers once more. "We have the upper hand. The only thing that brought us down last time was Dwight. Other than that, we fuckin' win that shit. We're ready, they're not. End of story. I won't have them attack here where you fuckin' sleep. It's not happening again."

Marilyn continued blotting her eyes and then nodded back at him behind damp eyelashes. "Okay."

"I hope you understand."

"I do." She put a hand on his forearm as he set it on her knees. "Just be careful... please."

"Always honey." Negan winked and then tossed the covers back and slipped beneath them pulling Marilyn onto his chest.

"I'm sorry for crying," she began, "And for-"

"Stop." He shook his head and ran a hand through her hair. "You have nothing to be fuckin' sorry for doll. I get it."

Marilyn let her fingers dance from the top of his chest down toward his bellybutton and back up. "I need you Negan."

"You're my girl," was all he could think to say back. "Stay strong honey. I've said it once and I'll say it again... your life with me will never be fuckin' easy."

"But it's worth it," she whispered.

Negan managed a chuckle and grinned to himself in the darkness. "Fuck yeah it is." He kissed her forehead again, "Now get some sleep."


	34. Game On

Marilyn couldn't keep herself locked away upstairs when Negan and his men were loading up the trucks and preparing for their overnight stay in the woods just beyond the Hilltop. She stayed out of the way and tried to make herself look busy but she never left. A part of her wanted to chip in and help them with the equipment but she knew Negan wouldn't think it was necessary, plus there appeared to be a system that they had in order to assure everything was on board and good to go.

Watching Negan take command of the group of Saviors allowed Marilyn to see his other half up close - not that it wasn't something she had been aware of before. There were times prior to him courting her, she had to admit, that she was downright scared of him by the way he carried himself. She had witnessed the day Dwight's face had been burned, as well as Mark's and she felt as though at the time that she would be no exception to the rule should she cross him the wrong way. At the same time she did have an honest, intuitive feeling that he wouldn't let harm come her way. It was the contraction at the time that had her emotions all out of whack and on edge.

"Count that shit three times, not twice," Negan commanded to Simon as he came to be in charge of the weaponry.

Simon nodded confidently and did as he was asked without question.

"Is this going to be enough barbed wire to circulate our camp tonight?" Arat asked. She held up a lassoed coil of metal and anxiously awaited his response.

"Did you fuckin' measure it like I asked?" Negan asked her.

"Each set is over twenty feet," she told him, also nodding confidently, "We have six or seven rolls."

"Which is it Arat?" He went on, "Six or fuckin' seven?"

"I'll double check."

"Triple fuckin' check."

The day went on in this fashion. If nothing else Marilyn got the idea that all of their bases were covered; all the 'T's were crossed and the "I's" dotted. When Negan finally took a break from it all around two o'clock that afternoon he approached Marilyn with a double-stacked peanut butter sandwich.

"Eat honey." He handed it to her and kept a second one for himself. "You know you don't have to be down here all fuckin' day. I'll come see you before we go."

Marilyn forced a smile. "I know." She took a deep breath, "I want to."

Negan looked around the immediate area as all of his main players went on a lunch break he demanded in order to fuel up and then slipped his hand through hers. "Let's take fifteen and have lunch up on the roof."

"Okay." She agreed, pleased to have a little time with him no matter how short.

"There's another staircase that leads up here." Negan towed her up another stairwell that Marilyn hadn't known existed until that moment and trailed him to the roof where they'd had dinner before.

"So you're about ready," she pointed out, opting not to immediately sit down the chairs they had left up there.

"Just about." He nodded and then turned look around at the landscapes that stretched for miles. "We'll be heading that way." Negan pointed off to the left and Marilyn nodded, wishing she had an exact location. Her wish came no more than a second later when Negan reached into the pocket of his jacket and handed her two folded up pieces of paper.

"What's this?" Marilyn asked him.

"One's a map of the area," Negan explained, "The original. I've drawn out copies but this gives you our location and every fuckin' street in this town and the ones that border us." He tapped his finger on the blank, white border that surrounded the lines and letters that provided direction. "Out this way is D.C. It's not on the map but that's where it is."

"Thank you." She nodded, "You don't need this?"

"I know this area like the back of my fuckin' hand by now," Negan told her, "I have a copy for myself just in case but I've fuckin' grown up here anyway. You're from the west fuckin' coast if I'm not mistaken so you probably don't know a whole lot outside of here."

"Why are you giving this to me now?" Marilyn asked him. A nervous fluttered filtered through her body and she looked at him intently.

"I should have given it to you a long fuckin' time ago," he admitted. Negan then shook his head, "Don't fuckin' worry doll. It's like some premonition or an omen or anything."

She knew she had to do her job to keep him confident and so she nodded. "I know."

"Take good care of that shit." He folded it back up and reached for her pocket, tucking it away and then leaned in and kissed her before helping her unfold the second piece of paper. "This is a drawn out map of the Sanctuary. I just realized that you don't know all the in's and out's and the fuckin' backways and shit if you needed to hide or do whatever in case of an emergency." Negan pointed again. "If you were ever trapped out from by the loading dock, you come in here, take the stairs we just took to come up to the roof and then go back down the stairs that we took that leads to the room. Two ways up here and two ways down... aside from the twenty foot leap to the asphalt which would fuckin' suck."

Marilyn threw her arms around him and hugged him hard before kissing him on the cheek and hugging him again. "Thank you Negan."

"It's nothing doll," he assured her, "Study this shit while I'm gone. It'll give you something to do."

"I will," she vowed, "And it is something." Marilyn pulled back and looked him in the eyes, "I love you in ways that you can't even imagine."

Negan tucked his first two fingers beneath her chin. "I fuckin' know the feeling doll."

She threw in one last plea. "Do you really have to go?"

He looked down for a moment and then back up to her before giving her a kiss that lasted and almost made Marilyn forget her question. "I'll be back by sundown tomorrow."

"Check in when you can."

"I will."

Marilyn wanted to engrain every part of him in her brain and she ran a hand down his face and through his hair and then brought her lips back to his for as long as he could stand before pulling back to press her forehead to his.

"You know what one of my favorite fuckin' moments was?" he asked her.

"What?" Marilyn opened her eyes and pulled back again to look into his.

Negan smirked, "That night we were in the truck and you told me that my eyes had a little green in them." He laughed lightly, "Took me off fuckin' guard."

She felt a genuine smile take over her face and a heat filtered into her cheeks, "I was so embarrassed about that. I don't know why..." She shrugged, "I was so nervous. It was the only thing that came to mind." Marilyn looked down and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, reliving the moment.

Negan continued to chuckle and drifted a hand to the side of her face until she looked up at him with a lingering grin. "It was fuckin' cute," he assured her.

Marilyn crinkled her nose and shook her head but leaned into another kiss he initiated. Neither one of them had it in them to break it off until Marilyn was forced to take in a deep breath that lead into a hug that lasted even longer.

"We're leaving before dinner," Negan explained, running a hand up and down her back, "Shit, going out to do things like we're about to used to be fuckin' easy."

Marilyn swallowed hard and took in a deep breath. She playfully asked despite her deep, sorrow-filled, angsty feelings, "Will you miss me?" She assumed he would laugh but he didn't and she felt his arms tighten around her.

"Yeah," Negan replied simply and honestly. "Yeah, you fuckin' put some kind of curse on me doll." He laughed this time and Marilyn smiled and looked up at him, forcing him to kiss her once more on the lips. "You don't think it's fucked up what I do? Taking peoples shit?"

"Maybe if I was on their side and it was someone else taking our stuff then I suppose I would," Marilyn said, "But right or wrong I'm on your side Negan."

Negan studied her eyes and then pressed his lips to her forehead. "I fuckin' love you."

"I hope this is the last time I'll have to say this for awhile," she went on, "But please come back safely... please."

"I will," he said, "Study those fuckin' maps for me alright?"

"Alright."

Negan placed his chin on the top of her head as they stood together on top of the roof. He looked out at the tree tops that surrounded the Sanctuary and knew what a crucial, pivotal moment was about to take place. He knew the monumental nature of the planned attack on the Hilltop and just prayed it would go their way. While he knew Rick's group were the underdogs he felt a fight from them that he hadn't felt before.

 _Game on_ , Negan thought as he forced his mind to shift from the docile life behind closed doors he shared with Marilyn to that of the warrior inside of him that had gotten him that far in an apocalyptic world. _Fuckin' game on._


	35. The Ledge

Marilyn stood at the loading dock as the last of the necessary items were packed away for Negan's departure he motioned her inside while his men piled in the trucks.

"So this is it," she said with a deep breath and a nod.

"Just another fuckin' day in the life," Negan said casually.

"You have enough supplies... enough food to last you?"

"It'll only be a day," he explained, "Two max."

Marilyn nodded again and looked down and then back up. "I'll memorize these maps while you're gone."

"I'll quiz ya when I get back," Negan teased with a smirk and then pulled her toward him. "Come here." When he threw his arms around her, Marilyn sighed against his chest and embraced every second that his arms were around here. "I'll, uh, try to figure out what the fuck is going on with Simon and your friend there if we have a minute of downtime."

Marilyn chuckled and then looked up at him. "Yeah... get me the gossip."

"Like you won't be able to get the story from her." Negan winked and then kissed her. "I gotta go. You'll be brought your three meals a day and take whatever else the fuck you want. I told the food staff to be ready for your call in case you want extra."

"Thank you."

"Yup." He nodded, glancing over his shoulder and then back to her as if he didn't want to move from where he stood. "I love you Marilyn." Negan grabbed her hand, reached for the radio on his belt and placed it in her palm.

"I love you too." She accepted the radio but didn't look away from his eyes.

Negan leaned in and kissed her once more before turning with a wink and pushing through a set of double doors behind where they stood. Marilyn watched him go through the rectangular pane of glass and then hurried out the doors after him when she saw him jump into the passenger seat of the first truck next to Simon.

He hung an elbow out the open window and turned to glance at her a final time before ordering their group to head out.

 _Please be careful,_ she thought to herself.

Marilyn waited with her arms folded across her chest until she could no longer see the trucks as they passed through the gates. When the two big doors shut, formally separating their small army from the rest of the community she felt the emotion she had been waiting for.

It was official. They were gone to retaliate against the Hilltop and other communities and Marilyn knew Negan might as well have had a big, red target on his back. They would spend the night in the open with no walls for protection and there were no guarantees that another Savior wouldn't pull a move like Dwight and betray them.

Marilyn wandered toward the building and rested her back against the brick wall before sliding down into a seated position with her knees bent and her elbows rested on top of them. Like many times, the day would have been peaceful if it hadn't been for their circumstances. The spring-summer air was just warm enough that she wasn't breaking a sweat and there wasn't a cloud in the mid-afternoon sky.

 _Great day for a barbecue_ , Marilyn thought to herself, almost speaking the words aloud. She closed her eyes and a vision popped into her mind of a memory from the summer before the apocalypse had started; before she had moved to the east coast. One of her best friends that she'd remained close with from high school had a picnic with volleyball, horseshoes and plenty of burgers, hot dogs and beer to go around. Everyone was having fun; laughing and dancing. The night ended with a smaller group of friends around the fire pit talking about their high school days and how their lives were currently going.

She sighed, opening her eyes as she snapped out of the daydream that allowed her a short break of just a minute or so from the current circumstances. When she closed them again the daydream came back, only Negan was there with her this time. Her friends were a little older, and she envisioned some of them married now with small children, all wearing little, white bucket hats to keep the mild, summer sun from beating down on them. For once her friends wouldn't tease her for being single and she would introduce Negan to her friends out west. They would know how happy she was from the glow on her face and tease her about when she was getting married.

"Why do I do this to myself?" she whispered, keeping her eyes closed as she leaned her head back against the wall.

"Need a friend to talk to instead of yourself?" Nina's voice broke the silence and Marilyn opened her eyes with a half smile.

"How was the game of Simon Says last night?"

Nina let out a loud laugh and plopped down next to Marilyn. She swatted her on the knee but was pleased to see her friend in a decent mood despite the circumstances. "More fun than expected," she admitted.

"Simon Says, put your hand on my..." Marilyn laughed rather than finishing the dirty joke and Nina laughed some more.

The two of them sighed at the same time and Nina finally turned to her friend after a long moment of silence. "We should get drunk."

Marilyn chuckled, "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I was perfectly buzzing last night for the first time in I don't know how long and I could use a second round." Nina smiled but then let it fade, "You doing okay?"

"Yeah..." She made a face. "Trying not to think about all of the possibilities."

"Yeah..." Nina folded her arms across her knees and rested her chin on her forearm. "I'm sure they'll be okay."

Marilyn nodded in agreement, "I know." She ran a hand through her head, "But God they hate him Nina. The day that that guy Rick's people drove through the fences here he was shouting for Negan."

"Simon has his back. They all have a plan. He showed me some of it." Nina raised her eyebrows, "I mean I wouldn't fuck with them. They have so much firepower. Rick's people can't have more than a handful of guns."

Marilyn looked around the area feeling like they were in the middle of a ghost town with many of the alpha males gone. She clutched onto the radio that she knew she would remain inseparable with and Nina looked down.

"Maybe I'll have radio status one day," she joked.

"I thought you didn't have any interest in Simon." Marilyn grinned. "When I said to shack up with him you were all like eww, no."

Nina laughed again and reached for the radio, rocking it gently from hand to hand. "I dunno. When he walked me down to my room that time we started talking a little." She shrugged, "He's not the hottest dude alive but... he's alright."

"So, love at first then. Got it."

"Exactly."

Marilyn laughed lightly, prompting Nina to do the same and then they both sighed again at the same time. "Want to go hang on the roof?"

Nina laughed, "You're not planning to jump off are you?"

She grinned. "No... well, not if Negan makes it back alive."

She flicked her in the arm, "Stop it."

"I'm kidding." Marilyn sighed, "Me and Negan sit up there sometimes... well twice we have but it's nice. There are a couple of lawn chairs."

"Did you guys do it up there?"

"No." She laughed and cleared her throat. "No. He brought a cooler of beer up and we ate dinner. Had lunch today. It's actually private and you can see like the whole area from up there."

Nina nodded. "Okay. Yeah." She smiled, "Between Negan and Simon I don't have to work at least until they get back. God, this tiara is heavy but it sure is worth it."

Marilyn laughed and grabbed her hand as she rose to her feet. "Come on. You can keep from walking to the ledge."

"Beer?"

"We'll make a stop in our room."

Nina rose to her feet and began to follow Marilyn.

"And then you can give me the Simon details to keep my mind occupied." She looked back and Nina began to laugh.

"Deal."


	36. Sundown

Negan stood before his army of men and women and held up the bloody barrel of Lucille. "All of the weapons ]... the knives, the handmade spears, Lucille... they've all been coated in the blood of the undead. Use them in hand to hand combat whenever the fuck it's possible. It should get in the bloodstream of these assholes and leave 'em to turn if they don't fuckin' die on the battlefield."

Simon held up a machete, "This is some good shit fellas."

"The fuckin' bullets too," Negan added, "All of it is coated. A shot to the arm is essentially a kill shot but they won't know it until later."

Everyone glanced down at the weapons they sported and looked around the camp they'd made up that was surrounded by the barbed wire that Arat had brought along.

"Sundown," Negan went on, "That's when we strike. This spot here... this is our fuckin' home base. We come back here and meet if case of... anything."

There were nods all around and he glanced outward toward where the sun was getting lower and lower. With a sigh he ran a hand through his hair. "Just about an hour now. That's when we go."

"They have a few guards up top by the gates," Simon added, "We'll take them out first." He gave Negan a nod, checking in to make sure this was correct and Negan's nod back gave him the indication he needed.

"Time to fuckin' set this shit straight once and for all. Get these fuckers off our backs, kick dirt in their faces and walk away with half of their shit... again."

"What do ya say boys?" Simon laughed and clapped his hands once before settling down on an oversize rock by a unlit fire pit they'd constructed.

Negan wandered toward the far edge of their camp site and stepped over the barbed wire border, heading a little ways outward into the woods. He reached for his radio and cleared his throat before speaking into it.

"Marilyn, you there?" He looked over his shoulder and had to wait only a couple of seconds for her voice to return his call.

"I'm here," she confirmed. "Are you okay?"

Those words were often her first to him when he was out on the road and Negan knew it held even more weight than an "I love you".

"Yeah, I'm alright," he replied, "We're all set up. I can't fuckin' say much more just in case someone crosses over."

"Okay," Marilyn replied, and then hesitated before asking, "When?"

"Sundown." When she didn't immediately respond he said her name again. "Marilyn?"

"Yeah... yeah I'm here."

"Studying those maps?" Negan imagined her sitting in the center of the bed with the two maps spread out in front of her, the television on and a half-glass of wine on the night stand.

"Of course," she responded. "I'm sitting in our spot up on the roof."

He smiled, letting his first image of her fade away into another daydream. Negan was glad he'd shown her the secluded rooftop place of solitude. "Have a beer for me honey."

Marilyn chuckled into the receiver, making him smile to himself again. "I will," she vowed, "Tomorrow night you can join me up here and give me a quiz on the maps."

"Nothing else I'd rather fuckin' do doll." He paused and looked around the vacant wooded area, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I'll check in when I can again."

"Okay. Be careful."

"Always honey. Treat yourself and your friend there to some fuckin' ice cream or whatever shit you want. You know that already."

"Thanks."

"I'll talk to ya." Negan lifted his fingers off the button on the radio and listened as Marilyn gave her final, solemn farewell that she tried desperately to hide in her voice. He knew her well enough now to hear the masked angst that cut through each word she spoke back to him.

Like earlier, he knew he had to shift from one mindset to another. It was something he was quite skilled at doing. Negan clipped the walkie-talkie back onto his belt and trudged back to the camp to wait around until he gave the order to attack at sundown.

...

Marilyn took a deep breath as she struggled to relax. She placed the radio down on the table and felt Nina looking at her from Negan's seat beside her.

"You okay Mar?" Her eyes dropped to the radio for a moment and then back to her friend.

"As good as I can be."

"I wish I could say or do something to make that feeling go away," she admitted, "But I know only time will be able to do that."

Marilyn decided to sidetrack her constant thoughts of Negan. "Are you worried about Simon?"

Nina nodded and reached for her second beer of the late afternoon. She used her shirt to twist off the cap and then nodded, "Yeah. He's cool, ya know... in a dirty joke, smartass, rough and tumble kind of way."

She grinned. "Well I'm glad you like him."

"With those two leading the troops," Nina waved a hand and took a sip, "We're good... they're good."

"Yeah, I know." Marilyn glanced outward at the setting sun. "I just... I'm not used to feeling so high and low, ya know? When Negan's here I feel on top of the world and when he's out risking his life I feel like the weight of the world is on top of me."

"Crazy little thing called love," Nina told her. She sighed and leaned down deeper into the seat and crossed one foot over the other. "I wonder if this world will go back to the way it was."

She shook her head, "I don't think so." Marilyn looked beyond the tree tops again and the fantasy world where things were normal and Negan met all of her friends at a social gathering popped into her mind, "But shit, I daydream about it all the time."

"Me too." Nina leaned her face into her palm and closed her eyes. "Picture us double-dating... going to the movies... or a Bruce Springsteen concert."

Marilyn smiled and let out a snicker.

"Pre-gaming with some beers at Simon's shitty bachelor pad of a house that I'd have to struggle to get him to sell once we got more serious... but for now it'll do." Nina smiled when she heard Marilyn laugh lightly again, "You'd sit on Negan's shoulders at the concert and Bruce would throw a guitar pick into the stands that Simon would catch and reluctantly give to me."

"I love this," Marilyn admitted, "Keep going."

"Then we'd all go out for a night cap afterwards. You and I would get a couple of the beers while the guys sipped on bourbon or whiskey... I think Simon said he likes tequila, so shots of Quervo might be in order." She sighed, "And then I'd head back to Simon's place, despite the fact that I love my little one bedroom apartment by the beach... and you and Negan would go back to your suburban house in some cute, little neighborhood and we'd all live happily blah, blah..." Nina opened her eyes, "... blah." She took a sip of her beer again and shared a smile with Marilyn.

"If only..." Marilyn nodded to herself and decided to have another drink with her friend.

"Yeah..." Nina tipped the corner of her mouth up in a smile, "Sounded good for a second, didn't it?"

"It still sounds good."

"If only," she echoed Marilyn's words.

The two of them sat looking outward, not speaking for a few minutes as the high from the daydream wore off when they were forced back into the realm of reality. The sun, which usually provided the most natural comfort, had suddenly become Marilyn's worst enemy. It continued to dip down lower and lower as the minutes ticked by until eventually all she could see was a faint glow from it's hiding spot below the trees.

Sundown... it marked a crucial time - the whistle to signify the kickoff of a big football game; the gun that starts the race.

Marilyn took a deep breath and took a long swig from her beer and looked at the radio beside her. She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer for Negan's safety before finally turning to Nina as a breeze blew across the roof.

"The sun set," her friend pointed out.

Marilyn swallowed hard, "Yeah." She let out a sigh and looked up at the darkened sky. "Everything is in fate's hands now."


	37. We Have To Go

Marilyn had no solid recollection of when she fell asleep. She remembered laughing with Nina, munching on some snacks and then fading off while watching an old movie. The time that Simon burst through the door could have been a minute, an hour or a day later and Marilyn wouldn't have known the difference.

"Negan?" she popped up from where she laid asleep on her back on top of the covers next to Nina. Marilyn looked around the room, her eyes desperately searching for Negan but when it registered that Simon was the one who had come swirling into the room like a tornado, mild panic set in.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Simon sounded like he was trying to yell but only a loud whisper came out.

Nina sprung up a moment after Marilyn, flustered and unaware of what was going on as she was awoken from her slumber.

"We have to go," Simon urged, "We have to go now." He waved his hands and scanned the room with his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Marilyn leapt to her feet. "Where's Negan?"

"Get a few things, grab some water... food." He rushed toward a small refrigerator beside Negan's desk and began shuffling water, beer and a soda out of it. "Nina, grab a bag!"

" _What_ is going on?" Marilyn demanded. She rushed to Simon's side as he continued to do what he was doing.

"We have to go. Get all the food you can find in here."

"Where's Negan?"

Simon stood up, dodging the questions as he dug into the pocket of his jeans for a set of car keys. A look of relief washed over him when he realized he had them.

"Simon!" Marilyn shouted this time, prompting him to finally look her directly in the eye.

"We've got to go," he said with a quiet tremble in his voice, "The three of us."

"Three of us?" She raised her eyebrows.

"You... me... Nina." He glanced over as Nina slipped on her shoes and threw a sweatshirt on over her tank top. "We're going," Simon said to her.

"Simon where the hell is he?" Marilyn asked again, begging for a response with her eyes.

"Fuck Marilyn." Simon shook his head and snatched the bag from Nina as she slid one she'd taken from the closet toward him. He glanced up at her, not looking away this time. "He... they have him."

"Who's they?" Panic radiated inside of her, making her arms and legs feel heavy.

"Rick... the Hilltop people."

"We're going to get him then," she suspected.

"We have to get out of here." Simon began shoving everything he could fit into the bag.

"To go get him."

"His throat was slashed!" he cried out, stopping dead in his tracks after shouting the sentence out at her.

"His..." Marilyn couldn't find it in her to complete the sentence. "He... what?"

"I'm sorry," Simon shook his head and looked down, beginning to pack everything up again. "We just have to go. I told him I'd look after you."

"No." She raised her voice, "No, Simon, we have to go there. We have to go get him."

"Marilyn..." He took a deep breath, "He's..."

"No," Marilyn said again. She stood up and shook her head, "No he's not."

"Rick slit his throat and then dragged him into their complex," Simon said with a raw honesty now that left her to a point where she felt like she could blackout.

"Did he, uh... um..." Marilyn put her hand on her forehead and let out a long, deep sigh and unwillingly felt her bottom lip begin to quiver, "Did he..." She couldn't say the word 'die' when speaking of Negan, and so she forced her brain to restructure the sentence, "Did he fall. Did he fall down?"

Simon glanced over at Nina, who already had tears welded up in her eyes that had yet to fall. When he looked back to Marilyn her eyes were just as glassy. "We have to go," he said quietly.

Marilyn felt like she should fan herself with her hand when her face began to grow hotter and hotter by the second. She thought her head might literally explode if she didn't move and so she began to pace the room. The chaos and the whirlwind of words and events began to assault her into a submission that left her in a heap on the floor as she unwillingly vomited from the intense, emotional nature of the situation.

Nina rushed over, holding her hair back and consoling her. "Marilyn." Her tears dropped now and she tried to mask her own sadness that stemmed from her friend's situation.

Marilyn began to sob as a stingy, consuming feeling decorated the corners of her eyes when she tried to fight it. At the same time her forehead began to throb and she finally looked down at the mess on the floor. "I have to get out of here." She attempted to dry her eyes but the immediately area was blurry from the tears.

"I'll get you out of here," Simon vowed, "But we have to go now before they come for us. They'll be gunning for me too."

"I need to find him," Marilyn said, delusion overtaking everything else.

"We will." He aimed to appease her now, "But he's not going to be parading into this room anytime soon." Simon swallowed hard and rummaged through drawers now, throwing every ounce of food he could manage into the nooks and crannies of the bag. "So we have to go now."

"He's not coming back." She took in a deep breath and attempted to dry her eyes.

"We'll find him Mar," Nina told her.

Simon moved to the closet next and Marilyn rushed over, still sniffling as she began to comb through Negan's clothes. She tossed a few of his shirts into the bag and then grabbed a hooded sweatshirt he only typically wore when the two of them were lounging together in the room.

For a moment the world stood still again, and she pictured him with the old Virginia football sweatshirt that was a faded navy blue with white letters. Marilyn put it to her face and took in a deep breath, engraining his scent that was a mixture of the soap they'd been using, baby powder and the faintest hint of scotch or bourbon.

"God..." she began to cry again into the fabric and held it against her as if it was Negan she was holding.

"Come on," Simon's voice broke the daydream-like nature of the moment and he touched her shoulder lightly, "Do this for him," he urged, "We have to get the hell out of here and then come up with a plan."

"Did you see him die?" Marilyn asked. "Did you see Negan die?"

Simon swallowed hard and then took a breath as he zipped up the gym bag and tossed it over his shoulder, "I saw Rick slit his throat."

"But was he dead Simon?"

He hesitated and looked at Nina again before returning his gaze to Marilyn. "I don't know."

The fact that his answer was not a definitive 'no' gave her enough hope to snap out of the inconsolable daze she was in. "Okay." Marilyn couldn't keep the tears from streaming down her face but she got it together in the moment.

"Okay." Simon nodded and looked at Nina. "The three of us are going to the loading dock. Don't talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. We've got to go." He glanced back at Marilyn, "Now."


	38. Physical Pain

The dragging sound is what he remembered the most vividly - that and the pain; a physical pain he had never experienced before that day even in the apocalypse. The voices all around were in and out but always far away as he slipped in and out of consciousness.

Negan stared down at the blood that dripped off the front of his leather jacket that stemmed from the wound on his neck. He would have attempted to reach up to see how bad the bleeding was if he wasn't being carried by the two men under each arm.

A metallic taste lingered on his tongue and he coughed as it dripped down the back of his throat, sending a stabbing pain down the length of larynx.

"He's not fuckin' dead?" one of the men asked the other upon hearing him cough.

"Not yet," was the response. "Rick wants him in a holding cell."

"This fucker is heavy."

Negan didn't have an ounce of energy in him to fight back. He could barely breath, he felt lightheaded. He didn't have an accurate thought on how much time had passed since he'd blacked out at the entrance of the Hilltop. Everything was fuzzy at best, and so he did the only thing he could at that moment - he allowed the Hilltop members to drag him to where ever fate lead him and hoped he was still alive once they got there.

 _I'll be damned if I die today_. Negan took another painful breath and attempted to see clearly. _I'm not fuckin' going down today._

* * *

Marilyn felt like it was a ten mile hike to the car. She knew the people she passed sensed something was off. She hadn't taken the time to look in the mirror but it was no secret that her eyes were red and puffy, her posture matched and panic clung to her facial features. Luckily in the late hour only a handful of people were active and about. Her only saving grace was that no one ventured to speak to any of them.

Every step of the way made Marilyn think of Negan. When the loading dock came into view she remembered so vividly the night he had brought up recently when the two of them stood in the back of a truck, he gave her the towels for the female workers and she pointed out the color of his eyes.

A fleeting smile that was accompanied by tears crossed her face for less than a second before the tears fell again.

"Right here girls." Simon pointed to a truck that still had the headlights on from his rush in and out. He flung open the driver's side door and Nina flung open the passenger door.

Marilyn stood outside the car behind her friend and couldn't bring herself to get in. She was frozen.

"Mar..." Nina pulled the seat back and hopped into the back. "Come on."

Marilyn never felt more terrified than in that moment. Getting in the truck with Simon and Nina meant life at the Sanctuary was over. She would never sleep in Negan's room again, never plant tomatoes in the new-found gardens; never revisit the different locations where she fell in love with Negan.

"Marilyn get in." Simon's voice shook as he looked into the side view mirror.

"We have to go look for him." Her voice was hard and demanding despite the tears.

"Okay. We will." He waved a hand. "Please."

Marilyn bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes as if she was fighting off physical pain. Her stomach hurt, her feet were stuck and her body felt paralyzed again. Nina's voice urged her on and without another thought she let impulse guide her body into the passenger seat beside Simon. Before she could even slam the door he hit the gas and headed as fast as he could toward the front gates.

"We have supplies," he went on, "From the trip."

Marilyn reached into her pocket and felt a rush of relief fill her body when she realized she still had the maps that Negan had given her. She removed them from her pocket and held them to her chest, feeling the same type of emotion from holding Negan's sweatshirt.

"if you don't want to come that's fine but drop me off near the Hilltop."

"Marilyn, no." Nina shook her head and leaned forward.

"We have to lay low for a little while," Simon informed her.

"Take a right out of the gates," Marilyn ordered.

Simon looked over at her. "Do you even know where you're going?"

She unfolded the map and Simon glanced over briefly.

"We're heading back into the chaos, you do realize this." When he put on the blinker to go in the opposite direction Marilyn reached down into the back of her pants and pulled out a handgun. She pointed it directly at Simon.

"I'm not looking for a territory analysis, I'm looking for a pilot. If you can't be that then let me the fuck out right here."

Simon let the car roll to a halt and stared at her for a moment in shock. His jaw dropped just slightly and his hands tightened on the wheel.

Marilyn was too focused on the impulsive, emotional nature of the moment to hear what Nina was saying as she leaned forward from the back seat. Her friend's voice was simply background noise to the heartbeat-like drumming in her pulsating eardrums.

The left side blinker clicked rapidly in a taunting fashion and a dim, green light illuminated the cab of the truck, sending shades of fluorescent green against the left side of Simon's face.

Simon didn't immediately respond or even move. He stared back at her and Marilyn cocked the hammer of the black revolver in her hand. "What's it going to be Simon?"


	39. Visions

Marilyn kept the gun pointed at Simon as they drove down the road toward the Hilltop. He continued to shake his head and to make comments under his breath but he drove. All in all Simon wasn't scared for his life. He was sure that Marilyn wouldn't actually shoot him if he chose to turn the car around but he drove anyway.

"We're heading straight into the lion's den," he informed them, tightening his hands on the wheel until his knuckles turned white.

Marilyn looked at Simon, and then turned to Nina in the back who appeared the most terrified. She took a deep breath and dropped the gun. "You can let me out," she told them.

"No Marilyn," Nina said.

"It's not fair to either of you. Just let me go. You don't have to go back there."

"No," her friend said again.

"Nina, they'll kill him." She motioned to Simon and then shook her head, "Fuck, I'm being selfish." Marilyn ran a hand through her hair and grabbed a fistful before shaking her head and reaching for the handle.

"Stop." Simon reached across and stopped her from opening the door. When Marilyn looked at him he squared up with her eye to eye. "Hear me out... please. I was there."

She swallowed hard and nodded. "If we go that way it's suicide right now. If you go that way alone, same thing." Simon sat back in the seat for a moment. "Negan was captured by them. I'm not trying to be harsh but if his injuries were bad enough he's dead already. If not then they've got him. I'm going to pretend option two is what happened. What we need to do is come with a plan of action if you want to save him. We go storming in there now and we're as good as dead, and Negan is fucked if he's still alive because I'm willing to bet that we're the only ones who would be risking our necks to go in there and save him."

Marilyn swallowed hard, feeling her entire body, laced with adrenaline, continue to shake when the moment finally felt still and she had a moment to think. Her heavy breathing had fogged up the glass on her half of the car and she looked around the world around them. With all the chaos going things were almost too calm, though she was sure the Sanctuary would soon become invaded.

"We have to go that way." Simon pointed in the opposite direction of the Hilltop. "We have to lay low, come up with a plan and then figure out a way to get in there to check shit out."

"I, um..." Marilyn looked around and put her hand across her mouth as her body continued to tremble, "I have to know... Simon. I have to know."

"Do you want a fair chance to save him or do you need to know right now?" Simon shook his head, "Because where I stand it's one or the other."

"They could torture him in there."

"They're humane."

"Not with him." Marilyn was certain. "He could go through... anything really." Her mind chase the worst case scenarios and she shook her head to try to make the images go away.

"Negan _can_ go through anything," Simon assured her, "He's a warrior; a monster."

She snapped her head in his direction and felt a tear slide down her cheek. "He's not a monster."

"I meant he's a survivor. Better him tortured than not here at all." He sighed, "Shit Marilyn and if you go in there all suicidal, you're outnumbered and you die... what's he going to be left with if he's alive?"

Nina's hand came down on Marilyn's shoulder making her jump as she was startled from her own nightmarish daydreams.

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

Marilyn looked down the road in the direction that would lead them to the Hilltop, and then the opposite way.

"I made good on my word to him," Simon continued when no one said anything, "Me and Negan have been in this thing almost since the beginning. I told him I would come back for you if something ever went wrong."

She bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes as more tears burned the corners of her eyes. "We'll come up with a plan."

Simon swallowed hard and his eyes widened a bit when he saw a small trail of headlights approaching in the distance. "They're coming." He sighed and made the call, spinning the car around to head back from the direction they'd come from.

Marilyn whipped her head in all directions and finally saw the beams of light illuminating the road from the parade of vehicles that closed in on the Sanctuary. "What if that's him Simon?"

"It's not," he vowed, "Trust me. He couldn't drive a car right now if he tried." Simon turned the lights off so the enemy wouldn't see the red glow of the tail lights and squinted into the darkness as he struggled to see in the darkness.

Nina and Marilyn both spun almost all the way around as their vehicle passed by the gates of the Sanctuary and barreled away.

"We have to go to the Hilltop Simon," Marilyn pleaded, "Maybe not now... but soon." Her voice shook as she spoke and she felt tears begin to stream down her face. Still, she kept her eyes on the cars that began to slow down about a quarter mile behind them as they turned into the Sanctuary, accompanied with a rally of gunshots. "Fuck," she whispered to herself and then turned back around.

"We've got to find a safe place to stay. The Hilltop, Alexandria and the Kingdom combined. We're not safe anywhere over here."

"Where are we going to go?" Nina asked.

Simon swallowed hard. "We've got to find somewhere. I'm not stopping until we do."

Marilyn sat helpless in the passenger seat and felt like she wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Their post-apocalyptic utopia had quickly vanished. The rug had been pulled out from under them. All of Marilyn's worst fears had suddenly come true only now that it was actually happening it was way worse than her imagination had played out. Her body ached, her mind was worse and her chest felt like it could quite literally explode.

She didn't know how many minutes had passed when Simon finally turned to break the heart-stabbing silence.

"I'm not lying," he said to her, "Marilyn we _will_ go back to see if Negan is alive."

"If anyone can survive it's him," Nina added meekly from the back.

Marilyn took in a deep breath through her nose, a numbness beginning to take over as she sat by lifelessly watching the trees whip by as they grew farther and farther away from both the Sanctuary and the Hilltop. All she could do was turn her head to look at Simon, holding his stare for a long moment before leaning an elbow on the door and resting the side of her face on her fist.

For as long as the car took the twists and turns of the Virginia back roads Marilyn simply stared off into the darkness watching the trees go by. She stared past them; past the hopelessness, past the feelings that willed her to feel sorry for herself and she created a vision - a vision off Negan being beaten by Rick, another image she made up in her mind. She then saw herself holding a pistol to the back of his head and pulling the trigger before rescuing the one man that made her heart keep beating in a dead world.

 _If he's alive I'm going to save him._ She swallowed hard and felt the same pain in her chest from before. Marilyn desperately tried not to focus on the what-ifs but it was impossible. _If he's alive._


	40. Full Moon

Marilyn felt like she was in a stoned, semi-conscious state as they drove. Her emotions were battling for dominance - the exhausted part of her kept her nodding off in the wee hours of the night and her adrenaline and angst wouldn't allow it. Still, as she nodded off occasionally and awoke again just a minute or two later she felt like she was placed in some wacked out time warp. Each time she awoke she hoped the recent events were a dream but she knew they weren't. Negan was gone, maybe forever, but her mind couldn't wrap around that reality.

When Simon finally pulled the truck to abrupt halt Marilyn's senses kicked in and she was awake - wide awake.

"Simon..." she swallowed hard and looked around the darkness. "Where are we? How far have we driven?"

He sighed, seeming to be coming off a decompressing rush of highs and lows. "I just drove straight mostly... twenty, twenty-five minutes at best."

 _Twenty-five minutes away from Negan._ Marilyn didn't care how obsessive it felt. She had to know that she was at least in somewhat close proximity to him - somewhere where she was capable of making a move to go rescue him if it were still an option.

"What's that sound?" Nina asked from the back. She leant an ear to Simon's open window and he pointed straight ahead.

"The wave break."

"Wave break?" Marilyn squinted in the darkness.

"We hit the ocean. Hell, I didn't even know we were this close. We never come out this way."

Panic rose in Marilyn's chest. "Are you sure we only drove twenty-five minutes?" She whipped out the map again that Negan had given to her and traced an invisible line with her eyes from the X that marked the Sanctuary to the coast line. When the distance appeared to make sense she let her tensions fall just a small amount.

Simon pointed to the clock, "Between twenty and twenty-five." He looked around the docile beach and let out a sigh as the reality of the situation registered. "Fuck..." Simon shook his head.

"Do you think they followed us?" Nina asked. She leaned forward in between them.

"No," Simon said confidently. "But we have to come up with some kind of a fuckin' plan because shit is... it's just fucked up." He closed his eyes a moment and then killed the engine to the car.

Marilyn looked around the darkness and pointed to the left. "What's that... over there?"

The two of them glanced over to where she was pointing and Simon squinted.

"Lighthouse," he informed them, "I think."

"Can we... do you think we could stay there the night?" Nina asked.

"We could be sitting ducks in this fuckin' car," Simon said. He opened the door and hesitated a moment before removing the keys from the ignition.

Marilyn and Nina exchanged a glance and then followed him out, taking their backpacks as they went.

Simon pulled out one of the several guns he had attached to his hip and an oversized knife. Marilyn followed his lead and Nina held a knife of her own.

"It's quiet," Simon whispered, "If there's a dead walker in the lighthouse we'll take it on... or take _them_ on. If it's clear aside from that I'll move the truck over here." He motioned to a beached, old boat that laid sideways, "Behind this shit."

Marilyn tried her hardest to focus on the moment; on surviving the night. She knew they were in a world of shit but Negan was still her first priority. Still, she knew if she didn't make it then his chances for survival or rescue were slimmer. It was the only logical thought that made her focus.

The trip to the lighthouse felt like forever given the short proximity between it and the truck. Still, when the old boat was proven to be empty of walkers, and they reached the front door of the lighthouse it was as if step one had been complete.

 _Like a game_ , Marilyn thought in an attempt to ease her mind. _Step one is complete._

Simon put a finger to his lips and them whipped open the door to the lighthouse. He stood silently and still for a moment but then proceeded to lead the way into the darkened structure.

"I don't hear anything," he whispered, feeling his way along the walls with his hand. There wasn't much to the first floor and so he made his way to a staircase that spiraled up to the top lair.

The interior of the lighthouse was silent and each step they took echoed off the walls until the three of them were standing at the highest point. In the dark it was hard to make out where the land ended and the water began, though eventually the world around them came into focus.

"No walkers," Nina commented, but neither Simon nor Marilyn said anything.

For a moment they just stood there looking outward reflecting on all that was lost, and all that they'd had just a few short hours before.

"We'll take shifts," Simon said blankly as he stared into space, "I'll keep the first lookout until sunrise. I'm not near the point of sleeping." He looked down, "I have to go move the truck."

"I'll go with you," Nina volunteered and then looked at Marilyn.

"Go," she said, shaking her head. "Go, I'll be fine in here for five minutes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Marilyn swallowed hard, "I could use a minute alone." She nodded, "Go."

Simon could see the seriousness in Marilyn's eyes and then used a head nod to signal Nina to go with him to pull the truck over closer to the lighthouse so it was at least moderately hidden.

Nina's hand grazed Marilyn's forearm as she passed by and then she followed Simon down the stairs to the first level of the lighthouse and out the door. When the door closed shut and Marilyn sat atop the lighthouse alone she took a second to acknowledge her thoughts and feelings more directly. The sound of her own heavy breathing made her more angsty, and immediately she held the thought of, _what if Negan is dead?_

"God..." she whispered the word to herself and the sunk down to a seat position against the wall and put her head in her hands before letting it all out at once. Marilyn sobbed and embraced the hot, burning tears that streamed down her face and decorated her palms as they pressed the emotion into her cheeks. She relived every second of their time together like a film in fast forward and really thought about what Simon had told her in order to attempt to decode the truth.

"His throat was slashed," Simon had said.

 _How many people can survive getting their throat slashed?_

Marilyn cried more thinking of what pain Negan must be in had he survived the ordeal. She knew he was physically down for the count if he was alive, though she simultaneously acknowledged that right then this was the better alternative.

 _I have to go save him_ , she thought, _and I won't wait another day._

There were complicated layers to the situation at hand. Marilyn didn't want to jump the gun and end up ruining a plan of escape, but she also couldn't sit back and wait. She needed to be proactive. Negan always preached about being proactive and how he hated just sitting back. That was her driving factor now.

 _What would Negan do if the situation were reversed?_ Marilyn already knew the answer. She knew it from the way he looked at her, the way he talked to her, the way they interacted and how he looked out for her. _He would come for me._

Without hesitation in her thoughts Marilyn knew what she had to do. She dried her eyes and looked up before taking a deep.

 _With or without Simon and Nina, with or without a car... I'm going to the Hilltop_ , she vowed. Marilyn's eyes landed on the full moon in the distance and she felt a rush of emotion. _Tomorrow._

...

Negan didn't know why they had chosen to save him, but he couldn't question it. Dr. Carson ran stitches through his neck and Negan was sure it would have hurt like a bitch if his body wasn't being pumped with adrenaline. The voices that started fuzzy and far away were now present and clear. His head was a blurry mess but reality wasn't as far as it had been earlier that night.

"Stopped the bleeding!" Dr. Carson shouted, "Now get me some of that morphine!"

 _Morphine? Why the fuck are they using their morphine on me?_ Negan contemplated reality. He didn't know what was going on or if he was in some afterlife or purgatory but his logic told him that he was still alive in human form; that he was still at the Hilltop.

Negan's eyes altered from flickering open to drifting shut. He saw streak images of people in the room - Dr. Carson, Maggie, a few others... but no Rick.

 _Marilyn?_ Her name popped into his psyche and he almost said it aloud but refrained. He knew she wasn't there because he knew she would have been right next to him if she was. Negan looked around again, feeling like he was being pushed and pulled in all directions before the movement stopped and Dr. Carson slipped and IV into his arm when his bed was repositioned by a window.

Negan groaned and felt his head lean down into the depths of the pillow beneath his head when the medicine kicked in almost immediately. The pain diminished, his eyes began to flicker and the last thing he saw before drifting into a black pit of nothingness was the full moon out the window.

Without a conscious thought he reached his arm out, beginning to say the first syllable of Marilyn's name before his body went numb he drifted into a deep, opiate-induced sleep.


	41. One Tear

The slam of metal on metal is what woke Negan up for the first time in he didn't know how long. His eyes flickered open then closed again and he was reintroduced to the pain that stemmed from his neck and radiated down his body.

"Someone gonna watch him?" a gravely, male voice asked.

"He's fine," another said at a tone far more even-keeled, "He's not going anywhere."

There was a hesitation before their footsteps echoed off the walls and another door opened and shut. Negan was left in a silence and for a moment he just laid there not knowing where he was. What he did know was that he was no longer in the comfortable bed where he had been sedated. He laid now on a hard, concrete slab in a damp, dark place. It didn't take his eyes to tell him that.

When Negan opened his eyes it was almost just as he'd imagined. The lighting in the room was dark and dim and it fit perfectly with the dingy, gray walls. His big body took up most of the hard, cold bench where he laid and vertical bars made up the two walls that were not made of concrete.

He smiled to himself for a moment from the irony and then let it fade. _Why the fuck am I alive?_ Negan couldn't keep the question from his mind. He reached a hand up toward his throat and felt the stitch work that Dr. Carson had performed on him before swallowing hard and closing his eyes again for a moment.

Negan knew the next thing he tried would hurt and so he braced himself for a moment before counting down from three in his mind before adjusting himself to a seated position with a loud groan. It was then that he heard the scrape of the metal against the concrete and recognized the chain that was attached to his ankle. For a second he just stared and then yanked his leg just slightly and immediately saw the origin stemmed from a long chain attached to the wall.

He sat up right for a moment and then slowly laid back down flat, laughing madly as he did. With each chuckle that rippled through his throat it felt like a thousand knives but he continued.

"Good for you Rick," he said quietly to himself and then attempted to swallow again without feeling pain.

Negan relived his final moments outside the walls of the Hilltop. Things were going just as they had in the past meetings with Rick, or with Gregory... whoever it happened to be at the time.

"Why are you fighting my people?" Rick had asked. He stared with the same confidence as always.

Negan almost spoke the words out loud as he relived the moment in his mind, "I'm trying to save lives."

"You must be the stupidest person alive. We could have it better than this. We could all work together; live together. We can set up a barter system and we can all live better."

 _That was my moment of weakness_ , Negan thought to himself. He had agreed with Rick. He began to feel like there was another way and no sooner than he made the deal with Rick he was dropped to his knees in one quick slice of Rick's blade.

"Now I'm fuckin' here." Negan shook his head and immediately his thoughts drifted to Marilyn. He didn't know if she could fight, if she could fend for herself, if Simon had ever gotten away and went back to take care of her.

He thought of her waiting in the room they'd shared sitting up on the couch, readjusting to the bed, standing by the window and finally falling asleep in some uncomfortable position. Only this time he wouldn't be there to wake her, tell her it's okay and give her the best treatment he ever gave a woman to make up for his absence. She would wake up alone in a state of shock and sadness and uncertainty. The world she had known for so long, one that he made as comfortable for her as possible, would suddenly be stripped away and turned upside down. Negan had no idea where she would end up, if she would be treated right or if she would be able to fight her way if she needed to whether that be against the undead or other people.

 _I should have fuckin' taught her how to fight_. Negan bit down on his tongue in an attempt to distract the anxious feelings he had when thinking of Marilyn. He prayed she was alive and strong and with Simon. He hoped she could make it in the world outside the walls of the Sanctuary.

 _If I couldn't protect her then who the fuck can?_

Negan let a single tear stream down his face behind closed eyes and didn't move. He could have cried. For the first time since losing Lucille he could have genuinely cried but he fought the feeling, leaving him with a deep, overwhelming pressure in his sinuses.

 _Fight out there baby_ , he thought.

Negan knew he would be able to hand whatever physical brutality came his way. He wasn't wholly sure what that was yet, but he was strong enough to endure it. They could have killed him and they hadn't, even when he was knocking at death's door. They could have left him there to bleed out or to get mauled by walkers but they didn't. The cell that surrounded him didn't provide the Sanctuary and the security that he once knew but it did preserve his life.

He began to hope by some chance that Marilyn was brought to the Hilltop. From Rick's point of view she posed no threat and it was unlikely that anyone from the Hilltop or Alexandria would know of her involvement with Negan. All he wanted to know was that she was alive and well, even if that meant her becoming one with the people of Rick's group. Deep down Negan knew they could provide her with a comfortable living and he would be more than happy to hear that she was residing comfortably in one of their homes.

Negan finally reached a hand up and dried his cheek of the tear that had dropped but kept his eyes closed. When his eyes were closed the dark gray walls of the cell went away and he could fill his mind with Marilyn's eyes, her smile and even her scent. For a time, his daydreams were enough. He just prayed those daydreams would become reality again in the future, and that Marilyn would survive whatever curveball life had just thrown her.


	42. Sunset

Marilyn packed up a bag after a night of broken sleep that was filled with nothing but the worst imaginable night terrors.

She felt simultaneously tired and wired but knew she couldn't attempt to sleeping again. The bags under her eyes felt like weights pulling at her face but she didn't care.

Simon stirred next to Nina on the floor when Marilyn zipped up the backpack. "What are you doing?" He sat up with a head of disheveled hair behind groggy eyes.

"I'm going Simon."

"No you're not." He lazily wiped his eyes and then stretched uncomfortably, grabbing the back of his neck.

"I have to. You don't have to come and I won't take the truck."

"You'll die out there alone Marilyn."

She shook her head. "No I won't."

"The walkers, Rick's people-"

"Rick's people don't know who I am," Marilyn argued. She threw the bag over one shoulder.

"I told Negan I'd take care of you."

"And you've kept that promise. I'm alive."

"Yeah and you're going to stay that way." Simon slowly rose to his feet and put a hand on his head. "You're not making that trip on foot."

"I'm making the trip one way or another."

"He might be dead Marilyn. We don't know."

"That's right, "she said firmly, "We _don't_ know. If he's alive I'm going to get him."

"We need to lay low for now."

"Every minute that goes by increases his chances of dying... or getting tortured." Marilyn ran a hand through her hair and subconsciously winced at the thought. "I can't Simon. I can't sit back here and do nothing because I know for a fact he would come for me right away."

"We can't go back down that road past the Sanctuary."

Marilyn removed the map from the pocket of her pants. "I know other routes."

"They know 'em too."

"But they aren't going to be expecting us going around this way." She drew a line with her finger on a route that lead from the beach to the Hilltop, an area that Negan had marked with the letters 'HT'.

Marilyn suddenly felt a heavy feeling in her chest that trickled up into her throat. She knew the journey would be long and the potential obstacles were endless. When she cleared her throat and tried to speak again she couldn't get a word out and her eyes swelled up with tears. "Simon, I..." She bit down on her tongue and tried to fight the feeling but she couldn't.

Simon looked down with a sigh and then took a few steps forward and pulled her against him. "We'll go," he told her as she began to cry into his chest. "I just... compromise with me and wait until tonight."

Marilyn wanted to respond but she continued to let it out. All of the emotion and exhaustion poured out of her and she didn't hold back until she could barely see through her swollen eyes. Finally she pulled back from him and wiped her tear-streaked face. "I'm sorry Simon." She swallowed hard and sniffled in. "You don't have to go with me but I'm going-"

He cut her off, "The three of us will go, but we'll be safer going at night. Shit we can't stay in this fuckin' lighthouse forever right?" Simon looked her up and down, "You need to rest first."

Marilyn continued to dry her eyes. "Tonight."

He nodded. "Tonight we'll go."

"You can drop me off halfway. I don't want you to be in danger."

Simon thought for a minute and then looked at her as if a lightbulb went off. "Our camp from the other night is probably still set up. It's near the Hilltop. They never saw us out there in the woods." He swept a hand across his face down his beard and nodded to himself, "There should even be more supplies there if they didn't find it. Everyone just scattered after Negan-" Simon stopped himself mid-sentence when he saw the look on Marilyn's face and reworded what he was trying to say, "Everyone just went in all directions. I doubt any of the Hilltop people went looking for some secret camp we set up. They didn't know about it and at that time they had bigger fish to fry."

Marilyn nodded. "So we'll go to the camp site then."

He hesitated and then gave a subtle nod. "It's probably our only option right now."

"Do you know how to get there going this route?" she asked, pointing to the map."

"I know every road in this area... every back way, every side street."

Marilyn felt a tiny bit of life filter back into her. "Okay."

Simon ran a hand through his hair. "If by some chance Rick's group catches up with us I'll say I was holding you hostage."

"No." She shook her head.

"At that point I'd be good as fuckin' dead anyway, or they would hold me captive." He shook his head, "No use both of us going down, or all three of us."

"Nina won't agree to it."

"I don't care. At least then you could still go in and try to rescue him. If they didn't kill me then you could fuckin' work on a plan to cut me loose too." Simon managed a small smile and then took in a deep breath, "But I don't plan on that happening, so we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. They got what they wanted - Negan. And the Sanctuary is in shambles so I doubt we'll run into a problem along the way."

Marilyn nodded. "How do I get into the Hilltop?"

Simon glanced around the interior of the lighthouse as he thought to himself again and then looked back to her. "We can plan something out today... and on the ride over."

"Okay."

He nodded toward her backpack. "You need to try to rest today so you're sharp tonight when we go."

Marilyn cleared her throat and dropped the bag. "Thanks Simon."

"That's my brother out there," he said, "Been in this thing since the beginning just about. I'd be doing him wrong if we didn't try to save him."

"Do you think he's alive?" she asked, "Honestly."

Simon put his hands on his hips and looked down with a sigh. "Well... after Rick," he shrugged without finishing the sentence, "Negan and him got into a fist fight on the ground. He was bleeding pretty bad but he was still fighting until they managed to drag him away." Simon looked Marilyn in the eye when he saw she was adamantly awaiting a yes or no answer. "If I had to answer honestly... yeah. Yeah, I'd say he probably could be."

Marilyn swallowed hard and then slowly sat down on the floor with her back to the wall.

"Get some sleep," Simon urged again. "We'll go at sunset."


	43. Come Get Me

The time in the cell had begun to beat Negan down as he was left with nothing but physical pain and his thoughts. His leg felt stiff and uncomfortable from the chain that secured him to the wall and every move he made created at least some jolt of pain to his neck.

Marilyn - he tried to think of Marilyn but his best thoughts quickly spiraled into all of the 'what-ifs' she was facing.

 _If she's alive._

Negan shook his head and sprung upright, sending the shooting pains up into his face and down into his chest. It was like a handful of knives plunging into him at once.

With the incoming darkness the cell felt colder in all senses of the word. He had no blanket, no pillow; nothing but a concrete slab to sleep on. Most of the day had provided him with no company. Even the biggest of adversaries he would have welcomed, even if they spoke down to him as if he was the biggest of shit on the planet. Negan didn't care. He knew in their eyes that's exactly what he was. Still, the conversation would have been welcomed because it would have provided him with something to preoccupy his mind; something real.

A door open and shut from somewhere in the darkness and then Daryl appeared from the shadows holding a plate and a glass of water in a plastic, clear cup. The two men stared at one another but didn't say anything right away.

"I voted not to feed ya," Daryl informed him. He continued to stare Negan down before entering the cell through the door. "Here." He placed the food down on the end of the bench by Negan's bound foot and then turned to go.

"Thank you Daryl."

"Don't thank me," he responded in a tired, gravelly voice as he turned just halfway, "If it was up to me you wouldn't be here."

Negan didn't have a response that would allow the conversation to continue and so he watched as Daryl exited the same way he'd come in and then a minute later he was left alone in the cold, dark room with nothing but his thoughts. With a loud sigh he decided to indulge in what appeared to be the only silver lining of the day - a stale dinner role and a half-glass of water. In fitting fashion rain began to pound on the roof and started to spit in through the small window next to where he sat.

It registered now that he was truly in for some long, drawn out shit. Negan knew he had to make peace with it and so he reached for the dinner role and tried to focus on something better than his current surroundings.

...

The tree tops swayed back and forth as a thunderstorm brewed through the town and Marilyn glanced upward as Simon drove the truck down the back roads she'd pointed out on the map. On a normal day, if there was such a thing, it would have scared her just a little - especially have the hurricane that hit the Sanctuary. But at that moment she couldn't find it in her to be scared of anything, not of the weather, the walkers or of Rick. Her motives were one-dimensional and the only regret she had was the chance that Nina or Simon could be hurt in the process.

"This rain is a bitch." Simon squinted and turned up the windshield wipers as they cruised along while the rain came down in buckets.

"Can you see?" Nina asked him, leaning up between him and Marilyn from the back.

"Yes," he replied, "But barely."

Marilyn spaced out a moment, the storm bringing her back to her first night alone with Negan. She could hear his voice; see his eyes as they moved back and forth reading her expression.

 _I didn't bring you here for any fuckin' reason other than to pull you out of the fuckin' storm._

"I know," she spoke the words aloud and closed her eyes when a strike of lightening illuminated the sky. The moment she created in her mind was bittersweet and she didn't want to leave the moment. The longer she stayed in it, however, would surely prove to make it harder when the daydream was over.

"Huh?" Simon asked from the driver's seat.

Marilyn opened her eyes and turned to him. "What?"

"You just said, 'I know'."

She glanced around the cab and listened to the rain on the metal roof. "I did?"

Nina put a hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Marilyn sunk lower in the seat and wrapped her arms around herself, engulfed in Negan's sweatshirt. She tried desperately to take in the scent of his bourbon and soap but the smell that she craved was faint at best. A part of her thought she was just imagining it now, but if that was all she had to hold onto then she knew she had to live with it. "Maybe I'll wake up and this will all just be a bad dream."

Simon glanced over again as the rain died down just a little and then made eye contact with Nina in the back seat. "We probably have a half hour until we get to the camp," he informed her, "If we don't run into any road blocks. Good news is that nobody's going to be out in this rain and thunderstorm."

Marilyn hated the downtime in the truck. It made her think too much. It allowed her brain to provide her with the worsts again and so she imagined Negan's voice again, reliving the moment he first kissed her, first touched her and the first time she woke up beside him. She imagined opening the door to her room where he stood there with a smirk on his face knowing he had her wrapped around his finger.

She bit down on her bottom lip and turned toward the window trying not to let the emotion overcome her again. Her thoughts continued on down their journey - the time he purposely scared her when she was out looking for him, their discussion thereafter as she walked arm-in-arm with him across the Sanctuary. Marilyn loved everything about him - such a complex, passionate man that rule with an iron fist but tended to her with velvet hands.

Marilyn didn't want to continue to cry in front of Simon and Nina. She wanted to show that she had it together despite the difficult circumstances because she didn't want Simon to second-guess his decision to take her on the journey to find him. Against her wishes she felt tears stream down her face, though she was able to remain quiet in the dark cab of the car, drawing only one look from Simon who didn't look over again.

The exhaustion set in and as bad as Marilyn tried to fight it she felt herself slipping into a sleep. She tried to tell herself that it wasn't real so she wouldn't be let down but she couldn't stop staring at him - at Negan. He smiled wide as he drove the truck through the rain, his dimples piercing his beard-covered cheeks and his eyes were bright and happy. He kept glancing over at her as he drove and turned up the heat.

"That better?" Negan continued to smile and Marilyn nodded back at him.

"Yeah. A lot better."

"You got the map doll," he said, "Come get me."

"Come get you?" Marilyn straightened up in the seat and reached across the way to touch his face. "But you're here."

Negan continue to smile at her and the feel of his beard against her hand felt far too real to be a figment of her imagination.

"Let's just get out of here," she told him.

"We will," he vowed, his voice becoming echoey and trippy in a dream sort of way. Negan repeated the phrase, "We will."

"Drive us out of here," she begged.

"Come and get me."

Marilyn didn't question him this time. She simply nodded, a slave to his requests no matter how simple. "Okay."

Negan looked toward the road again but he still smiled. She couldn't keep herself from staring at him and felt completely enamored by genuine grin that he held specifically for her. The truck hit a bump and she reached for the handle above the door, smiling to herself when Negan shouted, "Whoa!" and then proceeded to laugh.

"That was a serious pot hole." His voice was different now, and the warmth that radiated from the vents began to disappear.

"We didn't hit anything did we?" Nina's voice came through now and Marilyn's eyes snapped open. She quickly sat up, breathing heavy and looked to the driver's seat. A rush of disappointment washed over her when she saw it was Simon, not Negan, sitting beside her.

"Sorry," Simon said with a wave, "Go back to sleep."

 _As if it's that simple..._ Marilyn felt another tear unwillingly leave her eye and she pushed it away with the back of her hand before reaching for the knob that let out the heat.

"Cold?" SImon asked.

She turned away from him again and glanced out the window. "Yeah." Marilyn tried not to be mad at him for waking her out of the impossible dream she'd just had but she couldn't help it. While she knew it was completely unjustified she couldn't fight the feeling and so she attempted to keep to herself.

"Nightmare?" Nina asked her softly.

"Exact opposite actually." Marilyn sighed and felt her friend run a hand through her hair.

"Negan?"

"He was smiling." She swallowed hard. "You know his smile."

"Yeah," Nina acknowledged. She continued to sooth her friend, running her hand over the top of her head and Marilyn closed her eyes wishing she could fall back into her false reality with Negan. When it didn't happen she embraced the cards they were dealt and eyed the clock every few minutes until Simon turned the light on and pointed to the map that she had never put away.

"We're close." He sighed, feeling the anxiety of the moment creeping in. "This is it... step one."

Marilyn swallowed hard and nodded. "Think it's still standing?"

Simon decided to be optimistic. "Yeah... I do."

She nodded and looked out into the rainy night out the window. "That's all I needed to hear."

He hit the gas a little harder on a straight away. "Five minutes." The rain continued to assault the vehicle as it barreled through the night. Simon took in another deep breath and let it out, "Here we go."


	44. Check Points

Simon pulled the truck to a halt and didn't yet kill the engine as the three of them sat in the darkness listening to the rain. He turned the headlights off, leaving only the markers on that glowed a neutral orange and illuminated the remnants of the camp that he, Negan and the other Saviors had set up.

"This is where you all were?" Marilyn asked, barely able to make out the small structures they'd set up.

Simon nodded and pointed. "Have a couple tents that are still standing... barely. Good news is the barbed wire hasn't come down."

"I feel like we should stay in the truck," Nina said to them both. "It's really coming down out there."

"Whatever you guys want," Marilyn said to them and looked at Simon. "Thank you."

He nodded. "Hilltop isn't far... walking distance."

She looked down at the map and Simon reached into the glove compartment for a small flashlight. When he illuminated the map he used his index finger to show Marilyn how close they actually were. "It's less than a half mile or so from here."

"They're heavily armed and the place is guarded," she assumed.

"Probably more than usual."

"What are you going to do Marilyn?" Nina asked.

She sighed, "I don't know which route to go. I could pretend to be lost and scared hoping they'll believe me and take me in."

"I'd say that's your best bet," Simon told her right away.

Marilyn looked at him. "What will you guys do if I got in?"

Simon sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He sat back in the driver's seat completely pondering the question and then leaned back over toward her, eyeing the map. "Well... I told you I know this area." He pointed to where Marilyn had marked the lighthouse. "Why don't we have check points?"

"What do you mean?"

Simon tapped the map. "We'll be in one of these areas if you and Negan get back on the move. The light house is a possibility."

"Like meeting places?"

"Yeah." He sighed and reached for a bag in the back. "Honey get me that blue backpack, will ya?"

Nina reached across the seat and handed it up to him in the front.

Simon rustled through it and handed Marilyn a handheld radio. "I don't know what we'll do for power when these things run out... but see if you can get a charge. If we can't be in radio communication then the two of us will be in one of the locations we designate right now."

Marilyn nodded adamantly. "Okay." She eyed the map again as Simon returned his attention to the lighthouse.

"There's spot one. Check in there." When she nodded in agreement he went on and tapped an area that was closer to them that was filled in with a light green. "This is Sky Meadows State Park." Simon thought for a moment and glanced back at Nina. "We'll go check it out, see if anything is salvageable."

Nina nodded in agreement and Simon turned back to Marilyn.

"That's checkpoint two," he said, "Negan knows where that is. We were stationed there for a short time before moving on to the other places and eventually the Sanctuary."

"He knows where it is," she repeated the phrase, "Okay."

Simon sighed, "That's closer actually to here..." He clicked the flashlight on and off several times. "Why don't we make that spot number one. We've gone over there from time to time to try fishing and it hasn't been occupied... not by humans anyway."

"Alright," Marilyn said.

Simon went back into the glove box and found a black pen, marking the area on the map with #1. He then scribbled in the number two and circled it by the lighthouse. "Place three..." His eyes scanned the map and he drew an X just over the Virginia border, "Negan knows that spot too."

"Do you think the Sanctuary is overrun?"

"We can't go back there," Simon told her, "Not now... not for a while... maybe never."

She nodded to herself and then looked back up at Simon. "So this is the plan then."

"We'll stay in the area. I'm shooting for the park. There are cabins there... maybe some lingering motor homes from campers who were trapped. The water might still have fish. Who the fuck knows but that's where we'll go."

Marilyn took a deep breath and looked out into the rain.

"Don't lose that map," Simon instructed. "It's your life line."

"That's what Negan said too."

"I know this is going to take some time. If Negan is alive he's going to need time to heal... and the people there will need time to trust you. You have to take your time with this."

Marilyn nodded, knowing he was right. "Wish we could keep in touch."

"We'll be in one of those places," Simon reassured her again. "It's probably a ten to fifteen mile hike if you were on foot."

"Piece of cake."

The three of them sat in the silence again before Marilyn finally looked out the windshield. "The Hilltop is a straight walk that way?"

"You won't miss it," Simon told her with a nod. He handed over the backpack and put the radio back inside, tucking it way at the bottom. "I won't ever go on the radio unless you talk first."

"Right."

"Grab one of the coolers from the back."

Marilyn shook her head. "No... they'll have food and drinks and clothes. You need it." She slung the backpack on and prepared to head out into the night. "I'll see you both on the other side."

"Let's hope not," Nina said with a laugh, "This side."

"Well... the other side of the Hilltop." She managed a smile and then sighed and reached back to hug her friend. Marilyn didn't want to let go, and prayed that she would see Nina again. The optimistic feeling she had gave her confidence and she decided not to fight it. Confidence would be half the battle in selling her fake story to Rick or whoever it was that found her by the Hilltop. "Be safe out there."

"We will." Nina squeezer her harder and then sighed as she pulled back. "Be safe in there."

"I will." Marilyn looked at Simon, "I'm sorry for pointing a gun in your face."

"Love and hate," he smiled, "Make you do crazy things." Simon gave a laugh and accepted a hug. "I'd go with ya but-

"But they'll shoot you on the spot," she finished, "Yeah I know. Take care of my friend."

"Of course." Simon glanced over his shoulder and Nina who had tears in her eyes.

"We'll be waiting Mar," Nina vowed.

"I know." She swallowed hard and decided there was no more time to waste and so she opened the door, letting in the sound of the rain full force.

"Be careful!" Nina called as she left the vehicle.

Marilyn waved and slammed the door shut as Nina took her place beside Simon. She stood there for a moment just a few feet away before taking off running toward the Hilltop.


	45. Actress

It had been awhile since Marilyn was faced with the elements and so when she didn't see a ton of walkers she was relieved. She ran as far and as fast as she could, looking over her shoulder once or twice into the nothingness.

 _I might never see Nina and Simon again_ , she suddenly thought but quickly pushed it aside as she ran.

Marilyn tried to get her story right - she knew it was crucial. She had to pretend that she hadn't liked her life at the Sanctuary; that she was thankful now that she was free.

 _It's going to be the hardest type of lie, but it's for Negan's sake._

She ran harder through the woods and shouted aloud as she stumbled on the rough terrain and went sprawling to the ground.

"Shit." Marilyn cursed when she felt the immediate throbbing in her ankle. "Damn it." She turned, rubbing the lower half of her leg that ached with the fresh pain caused by the weed-choked landscape.

 _I can use this_ , she thought to herself. _I don't have to fake an injury._

Marilyn rose to her feet and stared outward, making out a structure in the distance. A rush of hope filtered through her and she limped as fast as she could through the rain.

 _Sell it_ , she encouraged herself, _you've got to sell it._

"Help!" Marilyn shouted as the wall grew closer, "Please somebody help!" The shrill nature of her voice shocked even her and she began to wave her arms. The tears that fell were real. Marilyn didn't have to fake that as she envisioned Negan being attacked at that very spot. Despite her will to put it out of her mind she allowed herself to drown in the sorrows of what happened for his sake.

The walls were clear now and Marilyn knew this had to be the Hilltop.

"Is anyone out there?" she shouted again, wiping her hair away from her eyes, "Help me, please!"

"Who is it?" A voice called in the darkness. "Hands up. Don't come any closer!"

Marilyn stopped and raised her hands in the air. Negan's big sweatshirt weighed her down in his drenched state. "Okay! Okay!"

"Who are you?"

She sniffled in. "My... my name's Marilyn. I need help!"

"Where are you from?"

"I escaped from the Sanctuary! I need shelter before the Saviors find me!" Marilyn wanted to choke on her words. She hated saying them aloud but she told herself to pretend she was an actress; that it meant nothing.

A light shined down on her and Marilyn tried her best to look pathetic. She shivered and limped a few steps.

"What's in the backpack?" the people above asked, "Put it down."

She did as she was asked and slung the bag away from her shoulder, tossing it a few feet out front. "It's... it's just a little bit of food." Marilyn's teeth began to chatter, "And some clothes. I grabbed what I could and just took off! You can have it... all of it! Just please let me in."

"Do you want any weapons?"

"Yes," she informed them, "One handgun and a couple of knives."

"Put them on the ground in front of you! If you try anything funny it could cost you your life."

"I won't!" She squinted through the rain and carefully placed each weapon down by the backpack and then stepped backward attempting to comply with everything that was asked of her. "You can search me."

"Are you alone?"

"Yes!"

"Did you leave the Sanctuary alone?"

"No," she explained, "I took off with my friend Nina but we got split up because of the undead! I tried looking for her but I had to get out of there."

"That's all? No one else?"

"No." She put her hands higher up in the air, "Please." Marilyn waited as the guards exchanged words that she couldn't quite hear before a loud creaking sound indicated that the big, wooden doors were opening.

"Stay put!" she was ordered and then two people hurried through the gates to greet her.

"You hurt?" a man asked, drawing his hair away from his eyes.

"Just my ankle," Marilyn explained, "I fell. It's not broken but it hurts."

He bent down to collect the items while a woman instructed her to keep her arms raised while she patted her down.

"Were you in a cell?" the man asked.

"She's good," the woman explained and then they waved her inside upon gathering her belongings.

"No," Marilyn told him, "I had a small room for my contributions. Might as well have been a cell. No windows, small bed." She sighed and shook her head, thoughts of Negan allowing her disguise to be more effective.

"Come on." The woman put an arm over her shoulders. "Let's get out of this rain."

"Thank you," she said with a nod. "I'm Marilyn."

"Tara." She motioned to the man, "That's Daryl."

Marilyn let out a deep breath as they hurried up to the main building. "You can have all of my stuff. I just... need a place to stay. Even just for a night or two. I won't overstay my welcome. I know you must think I'm part of some enemy group." She ran a hand over her eyes as the three of them made their way inside.

"No one's blamin' you for nothin'," Daryl explained. He ran a hand through his hair, slicking it back just slightly from the rain and then dropped her bag at the foot of a tall staircase.

"They can't know I'm here," Marilyn told them.

"Who?" he asked, glancing once at Tara.

"Simon..." She swallowed hard, "Negan."

"You don't have to worry about them anymore," Tara assured her.

"Are they really..." Marilyn wanted to draw it out of them without asking but neither Daryl nor Tara finished the sentence for her and so she was forced to, "Are they dead?" She hoped her face didn't give anything always but she had to know.

Daryl looked at Tara again before responding. "They ain't gonna hurt ya no more."

"So Negan's dead. If he's alive he'll find me, I know it." Marilyn's turned to Tara now, seeing as though she had the better chance of getting sympathy from her, "Please, I have to know. I have to know if I'm in danger of being caught. You might think you got him, but if he's out there-"

"He's locked up," Tara cut her off, drawing a look from Daryl. "He can't hurt you."

"Locked up?" Marilyn raised her eyebrows.

"He's not dead but he won't be able to control you anymore... okay?" Her big brown eyes were attempting to show reassurance and Marilyn managed a smile when she heard the news, laughing just after with relief that he wasn't dead.

"You're serious?" she asked.

Tara nodded. "Yeah."

"What about Simon?" Marilyn decided to throw him in the mix .

"We'll get him too," Daryl vowed. "Ain't nobody going to come for you here." He nodded to Tara.

"I'll set you up in a trailer for now outside... get you some dry clothes."

"Okay... thank you."

Daryl rummaged through the bag and finally got to the bottom, grabbing the walkie-talkie. "What's this for?"

Marilyn felt her arms go heavy. "I grabbed it as I was running out to see if I could reach Nina." She waved her hand, "You can have it. I tried contacting her but there was no answer."

Daryl put the small speaker to his lips and looked at Marilyn while speaking. "Nina... are you there? Nina? Marilyn is alive and well. Are you there?"

She could see he was testing her a bit, and rightfully so. Marilyn prayed her friend wouldn't speak on the other end but knew Simon wouldn't allow for it. When no one answered he tucked it on the waistband of his pants. "I'm going to hang on to this. Rest is yours."

Marilyn nodded and kneeled down to pack the bag back up. When he began to hand back her weapons she shook her head. "I don't even really know how to use them."

"Alright." Daryl didn't hesitate and put the gun at his hip.

"Daryl..." Tara shrugged.

"What she don't want 'em."

"You guys don't know me," Marilyn reminded them. "If this can be a small contribution to your community for saving me then let me do it."

"Come on," Tara waved her with her, "I'll get your settled in a place for now. Maggie or Gregory might be by to talk to you."

She nodded. "Okay."

The two of them headed out into the rain again, this time hurrying towards the trailers.

"Oh your ankle," Tara remembered, "I'm sorry. We'll get that looked at."

"I'm okay." Marilyn hobbled and followed Tara into a comfortable nook of a room complete with a pullout couch and a small kitchen. She took in her surroundings. "This is... great."

"Better than the Sanctuary," she assumed.

Marilyn lied. "Yes. Much."

"Hey, I was kind of in your shoes once," Tara explained, "I didn't know what kind of man was running my old group and he attacked all of these good people. It took a little bit of time but they trusted me and now I'm one of them; family." She nodded, "You will be too."

"You don't mind me staying?"

"No," she told her, "And neither will Maggie. We just have to all get to know you."

Marilyn couldn't keep the questions from coming about Negan and suspected that Tara was already giving her the benefit of the doubt and so she asked. "He's not here is he?"

"You mean..."

"N-Negan."

Tara looked over her shoulder as if someone would hear her. "He won't hurt you. We have him chained up to a wall underneath the building we were just in."

The image was almost too much and Marilyn had to actively fight back tears. It was the biggest challenged she was faced with when lying to the people of the Hilltop. Still, the opposing, happy thought evened out her emotions - the sheer fact that Negan was alive. He was there not far from here. She had made it past the first hurdle. Now, she had to remain strong in order to save him.

"Hey, it's okay," Tara put a hand on her shoulder soothingly, "He can't get out. Trust me. Okay?"

Marilyn nodded. "I can't go back there."

"You won't have to."

She sighed. "Thank you Tara."

Tara half-smiled. "There are clothes in the drawer there by the couch. Get yourself settled. I'm guessing it'll be Maggie who comes down to see you soon. Okay?"

Marilyn nodded. "Okay."

"Hang in there. You're safe now."


	46. Eight Hours

If anyone is interested, I made an All Out War video from the last episode of The Walking Dead Season 7: If you go to youtube dot com then paste **/watch?v=yJ19r8-USP8** after it. Let me know what you think if you check it out! :) Thanks!

Tara wandered down to the basement with a plate of just enough food to keep Negan alive from day to day. Their group alternated shifts taking the bare minimum to feed him twice daily. She never enjoyed the trip down there. It was damp, musty and there was very little lighting from a small window by the cell, or if the door was open far enough. As much as she didn't feel empathetic for his situation, Tara didn't know how he could stand being locked away twenty-four hours a day.

"Finally a female," Negan's voice echoed off the walls, "I was fuckin' sick of seeing Daryl's ugly mug, or that Jesus guy."

"Don't make me blow chunks," Tara responded, matching his wit.

Negan laughed. "And you've got some personality. I like it."

"Don't get used to it." She made she his leg harness was still attached and then opened the door and entered. "Here." Tara handed him the plate and Negan reached from where he sat.

"Thanks." He let out a sigh. "Vegetables today and... what the fuck is this?" Negan lifted a small, overcooked piece of meat with his thumb and let it fall back to the plate.

"It's fish."

"Looks more like fuckin' driftwood."

"Look if you don't want it I'll take it back," Tara challenged him.

Negan smiled and chuckled again. "You... you would have made an excellent member of my team honey." He pointed at her and then took a bite of the dry fish. "Got any fuckin' salt?"

"You're lucky your not getting fed dog shit."

"I haven't seen a dog since before all this started," he shot back with a grin, "You have some here?"

"Only the one chained to the wall."

Negan laughed again a little harder. "I like you." He smiled wider, "Ya know... I'd prefer it if you brought me my meals from now on. I was also promised a bath, so if you'd like to take that on too I wouldn't be opposed."

Tara rolled her eyes and gave him the finger. "I'd rather fuck myself." She turned to walk out.

"I can get into that." Negan reached back for the food and had to chuckle as Tara glared at him upon slamming the cell door. She kept her middle finger raised as she walked out and then headed back upstairs.

"What's up?" Jesus asked as she crossed up into the first floor where he stood sorting through a box by the staircase. He took in her posture and tipped his mouth up in a smile. "Did you pull lunch duty?"

"Can I punch him in the face?" she asked, making Jesus smile wider.

"I won't tell."

Tara laughed. "He's such a dick."

"I think that's universally known."

"How's Marilyn doing?"

"Who?" Jesus thought for a moment and then his eyes widened and he nodded. "Oh yeah... she seems to be fitting in. She was helping out in the gardens earlier."

"Good." Tara smiled. "She still there?"

He shrugged and squatted back down. "Probably."

"Thanks." She wandered out the front door and put a hand by her brow line as the sun hung high in the sky. Tara felt like she had to take Marilyn under wing, relating to her on some level from her experience with the Governor. She wandered around the grounds and finally found Marilyn where Jesus had stated earlier.

Marilyn knew she had to bide her time and do things right because she only had one chance to do what she had to do. For the several days she had been there she didn't mention Negan once, as bad as she wanted to. Inside she wanted to use any excuse possible to talk about him but she knew for someone who was supposed to hate him that would be out of character. Even if she purposely tried to sound negative, excessive talking about him might raise a red flag with someone.

"Hey!" Tara waved with a smile and hurried over to the garden where Marilyn was working.

"Hi." She smiled, feeling a bit bad about the future betrayal she would have to bestow upon Tara. She had been so friendly and welcoming that Marilyn knew it might be the only downer when she finally found a way to free Negan and flee the Hilltop.

"Thanks for helping out," Tara told her. "You could have waited a little. I'm sure things are still a little out of place for you."

"Oh, I'm alright," Marilyn assured her, "This keeps me busy and I really don't mind being out in the sun all day. Plus I practically owe you guys my life."

"No you don't." She put her hands on her hips and looked around. "I think I'd rather be out here for 10 hours than spend 5 minutes down in that basement with him."

Marilyn's head snapped up from what she was doing and she felt butterflies in her stomach. Tara hadn't noticed her immediate reaction and for that she was thankful. "In the basement with who?"

Tara rolled her eyes. "Negan. We've been alternating bringing him his meals. I pulled the short straw today."

For a moment she stood open-mouthed, having been taken off-guard when his name was finally said aloud.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She crinkled her nose. "I won't mention him again."

"No it's okay," Marilyn tried to play it cool now with a laugh. She threw it out there, "I would _love_ to see him sitting down there behind bars. I'm so envious of you."

"Believe me... I'd rather not."

"After all I went through over there." She nodded and really tried to sell it, "Believe _me_ , it would be so satisfying." Marilyn expanded on her lie, "My first week there before he decided he could trust me with a little freedom I might as well have been in a cell. God, it was awful."

"You'd really want to see him?" Tara asked.

Marilyn sighed through her nose, enamored with the thought. "It might bring me some closure." She smiled, "I mean if you ever get the job to bring him his food again would you at least let me spit in it first?"

Tara laughed and nodded. "I like your style."

Marilyn laughed and realized she had found a legitimate angle to play.

"Come down with me at dinner then," Tara suggested.

She raised her eyebrows and felt her face grow hot. "What? I mean... really?"

She shrugged. "Yeah. You owe it to the motherfucker to at least give him the finer." Tara grinned, "I just did and it felt great. He's so powerless now."

Marilyn knew she was pushing it for asking for one-on-one time with him but again she threw it out there. "Just so there are no witnesses... you should watch the door and let me get a few good punches in."

Tara laughed again. "I'll keep it in mind... if you promise not to sneak a weapon in."

"You can pat me down." Marilyn smiled.

"I think you're owed five minutes to speak your mind by yourself," Tara told her, "If you're up for it."

She let out a sigh and then smiled with a nod. "Confront your demons right?"

"I wish I could have with the asshole that manipulated me." She shook her head. "If it's too soon then don't... but if you want to-"

"I will," Marilyn said with a nod. "And I'll work up some good spit for his food."

Tara laughed. "Okay. I'll come get you before I head down."

"Okay." She nodded again. "Time to get my game face on."

"He's locked up," Tara reminded her, still smiling. "Stay strong lady!" She began to head away. "It'll be around eight o'clock."

"Okay," Marilyn repeated and waved as Tara walked away. An overwhelming feeling washed through her and she suddenly had motivation to make it through the day. With it being just about noon she knew the day would feel long, though the thought of seeing Negan was almost too much. Marilyn laughed to herself, giddy from the good news that the day had brought her and then squatted back down to plant some seeds.

 _Eight hours_ , she thought to herself with a smile. _Eight hours and I get to see him._


	47. Sleeping With the Enemy

Marilyn nearly jumped when she heard Tara's knock at her door and took a glimpse in the mirror before walking as casually as possible to answer.

"Hey," Tara gave a nod.

"Hey." Marilyn swallowed hard.

"Don't be nervous."

"Is it that obvious?"

She smiled, "You're in control remember?"

Marilyn nodded. "Right." She smiled and exited the trailer, pulling the door closed behind her. "Where's the food?"

"Oh, we have to grab it from inside." She nodded. "He seemed to hate the fish we gave him earlier so guess what... that's what he's getting again and I made sure it was extra dry."

Marilyn laughed lightly and took in a long, deep breath. She was so wrapped up in her own emotions that she hadn't stopped to think of what Negan's reaction might be. She hoped he wouldn't be so shocked that it would lead to Tara finding out the truth about the two of them, but she was sure he was better at masking his emotions that she was.

 _I can't wait..._ She knew it would be hard seeing him locked up but Marilyn knew seeing his face would make all the difference. She just prayed that she wouldn't burst out into tears, whether happy, sad or a combination of the two.

When Tara opened the front door Marilyn felt another jolt of emotion. She glanced down at the floor as if wishing for X-ray vision in order to be able to see Negan just a few minutes sooner. Knowing that he was just a floor below where she stood made her stomach twist in knots and she felt the unwelcoming lump develop in her throat.

"Wait by that door back there," Tara pointed toward the back of the building, breaking her thoughts. "I'm just going to grab the food from in here." She pointed with her thumb over her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Marilyn realized she must have looked dumbfounded with her mouth hung-open and mind so clouded that she didn't move. The monumental nature of the situation almost paralyzed her but she managed a half-smile. "Yeah... yeah, sorry. That door?"

"You don't have to do this," Tara reiterated but Marilyn shook her head.

"I have to." She didn't want to give Tara any reason to leave her behind and so she smiled wider and made her way to the back door.

Every fiber in Marilyn's body wanted to bolt down the stairs that she could see through the pane of glass. She felt like a little kid on Christmas only the feeling was magnified by thousands. Marilyn bit down on her bottom lip in anticipation, willing Tara to reappear with the plate of food.

 _Come on! Come on!_ She wanted to shout out loud despite it only being thirty second since Tara had disappeared into the kitchen. When she returned with the plate of food Marilyn smiled.

"Ready?" Tara asked. She held the plate out, "Still feeling that spit?"

Marilyn didn't want to spit in Negan's food, but the way Tara waited and the wink she gave her with an encouraging nod made her feel forced. It was like some type of proof, or initiation, that she was trustworthy and so she reluctantly spit on the dish.

"There ya go! Feel better?"

"Yeah," Marilyn lied and then allowed Tara to lead the way through the door and down the staircase.

With each step it was like a small shot of adrenaline entered her veins. Marilyn swallowed hard, taking in the dark and dingy surroundings. Emotions swarmed her like a sea of bees and she felt like she could quite literally pass out from the anticipation.

"Hey asshole!" Tara's voice shouted, echoing off the walls. "Dinner... some more driftwood for you."

"Sounds fuckin' great," Negan's cheery, deep voice echoed back.

Marilyn felt like she had been struck with an arrow in the chest and swallowed hard again. She closed her eyes and contemplated if she was having some type of panic attack.

 _He sounds in good spirits_ , she thought optimistically despite the depressing surroundings. While she was out in the sun all day he was locked away down here by himself.

"So did you volunteer this time or are you low woman on the totem pole?" Negan asked, "Because you sure didn't look happy to be down here at lunch doll."

Marilyn almost couldn't move the rest of the way. She saw Negan's silhouette in the darkness but couldn't quite see him clearly yet.

"Come on," Tara waved her with him. "It's alright."

"You bring a fuckin' friend?" Negan asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah," Tara told him, "And for the record, I figured I'd be honest... she spit in your food." She laughed at the same time that he did. "See ya later asshole."

"And here I thought this was a ménage trios."

"Again... I'd rather fuck myself." She put a hand on Marilyn's shoulder and handed off the plate. "I'll be at the top of the stairs."

Marilyn nodded and exhaled deeply through her nose, waiting for Tara to hit the staircase before heading toward the cell door. "Negan..." She entered the cell and when his features came into view she almost completely lost it.

He stared back at her in disbelief and sat perfectly still for a moment. Neither of them moved for several seconds before he finally managed to speak her name. "Marilyn?"

She put a hand over her mouth and glanced toward the empty staircase where Tara had gone before let out a sob into her palm as she crossed the room with the plate of food in her other hand.

Negan continued to stare at her a moment and then reached for the plate, setting it down beside him on the bench and pulled her to him in a long, tight hug that left her muffling cries against shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he whispered against her ear. He pulled back to look at her expression an then ran a hand down her face as if to make sure what he was seeing was real. "Marilyn..." Negan let his bottom lip separate from his top one and shook his head before letting a tear fall from each eye. "Are you alright? Did they capture you, or-"

"No." She wiped away tears and smiled while continuing to cry. "No." Marilyn lowered her voice even more. "I convinced them that I was happy for what they did." She dried his tears away and felt more of her own begin to slide down her face. "I have to pretend-"

"Keep pretending." Negan let out a deep breath and then managed a smile, "Shit Marilyn I don't remember the last time I fuckin' cried." He pulled her tighter against him.

"I'm going to get you out." She looked into his eyes. "I just need a little more time."

"How did you fuckin' find me?" Negan ran a hand through her hair, still appearing unconvinced that what was happening was real.

"Simon and Nina drove me to your camp. I told them to let me out there and Simon told me how I could find the Hilltop." She swallowed hard and continued to whisper. "I still have your map. We marked a few places he was going to try hiding out with Nina so we could meet them."

Negan let out a light chuckle and kept his eyes locked with hers. He finally spoke after several seconds. "I fucking love you," he whispered.

Marilyn smiled back and put her hand on the side of his face. "I love you too." When he leaned in and kissed her tears fell from her eyes as they closed and she held onto him hard. "I'm going to get you out," she spoke again against his lips.

Negan sighed and hadn't yet opened his eyes. "Take your time doll. As long as I know you're here I can do whatever time I have to down here."

"I didn't want to spit in your food," Marilyn added, making him chuckle quietly.

"Not like we haven't exchanged bodily fluids before."

She managed a genuine laugh but couldn't keep herself from crying each time she smiled and touched her forehead to his. "God... are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He let a breath out into her mouth, "Really."

"I'll try to sneak you some food," Marilyn whispered.

"No," Negan insisted. He pulled back to look her in the eye again. "I don't want them seeing you do that. If they ever catch on you have to fuckin' go."

"They won't," she assured him. "It's not easy pretending that I hate you but if it means getting you out of here sooner than later then I can do it. And I will never leave these walls without you Negan."

He leaned his head back against the wall and traced her thumb over her cheek. "Okay," he agreed in a whisper.

Marilyn put her hand over his and then leaned in and touched her lips to his again. "I really have missed doing that."

"You and me both." Negan kissed her again and then swallowed hard. "Keep yourself safe honey."

"Are they hurting you down here?"

He shook his head. "No." Negan wanted to assure her that he was fine so she wouldn't worry about him when going about her daily routines.

Marilyn kept her eyes locked on his. "I have their trust. Once I get their routines down I'm going to find a way to sneak you out of here."

He winked at her. "Can't ask for a better partner in crime."

"Then we'll find Simon and Nina..." She smiled envisioning it, "And..." Marilyn shrugged.

"And live happily fuckin' ever after."

She laughed and couldn't keep herself from kissing him. "Yeah." Marilyn reluctantly looked toward the stairs again, having been so wrapped up in the moment that she hadn't thought to look for Tara.

"Go," Negan told her, "Before they come back and see you sleeping with the enemy."

"I don't want to."

He gave a half-smile. "You have to doll."

Marilyn ran her hand across the stubble on his face. "Your beard is starting to grow back."

Negan smiled wide. "I know you loved that shit huh? Next time you see me it'll be thicker."

"I like you with or without it." She sighed and looked down. "I don't want to leave you down here like this."

"It's for the greater fuckin' good." He tucked his fingers beneath her chin so she would look at him more directly. "I'm a tough motherfucker. I can handle shit like this. Stay strong up there and hate the fuckin' shit out of me." Negan smiled when he got her to and ran a hand through her hair again. "Go."

Marilyn looked down for a second and then kissed him hard again once more. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too." Negan saw a shadow on the staircase and then whispered, "Slap me."

"Huh?"

"Slap me." He nodded toward the stairs and Marilyn hesitated but obeyed his command when he waved her on, wincing herself as her hand connected with the side of his face.

Negan squinted his eyes in the smallest bout of pain but had to actively hold back a laugh. "Not a bad hit for a fuckin' woman." He winked at her in the darkness and raised his eyebrows.

Marilyn knew he was encouraging her to play along and so she smiled back, but hardened her voice. "Fuck you Negan!"

"Fuck me?" he laughed this time. "I'm here all fuckin' night." Negan looked over as Tara made her way back down. "I mean the three of us-"

"Shut up." Marilyn hated saying it to him, but simultaneously found just the smallest bout of humor in the fact that the two of them were working together on the faux fight.

"Charming." Tara rolled her eyes at him and looked at Marilyn who knew her genuine tears added to her appearance. "Did you slap him?"

"Yeah." She looked down at her stringing palm knowing Negan's face must have stung even worse.

Tara smiled and waved her out of the cell. "Come on." She shut the cell door and locked it before putting up another middle finger in Negan's direction. "Have a nice night."

"Fuck you too Tara." He smiled. "And thanks for the saliva-marinated fish."

"Anytime shit head."

Marilyn glanced once over her shoulder and arched her neck until she could no longer see Negan sitting there. When the two of them reached the first level and Tara closed the basement door Marilyn let out a deep breath.

"You okay?" Tara asked, noting her damp eyelashes.

"Yeah," Marilyn told her, drawing the back of her hand across her eyes. "I'm good."

"Want to have a drink to take the edge off?"

She sighed and looked down at her shaking hands. "Maybe just one will help."

"Good." Tara smiled, "You can tell me how it felt to hit the son-of-a-bitch."

 _Felt even better to kiss him_ , she thought. Marilyn simply nodded. "I'll enjoy reliving that one."

"Come on." She continued to grin, "We'll raid Gregory's closet."


	48. Outside the Box

Marilyn had been diligent in the way she went about her days. She scoped out the switches in shifts on the guard towers, memorized who was in charge and on what days and made regular rounds of the perimeter in search of possible ways to escape. Likewise she made herself aware of potential vehicles that she could get her hands on as a bonus. That would be the hardest part, Marilyn knew and a bonus if anything.

Three days had passed since she'd had her reunion with Negan and aside from that night having a drink with Tara she didn't bring him up anymore. Every facet of her life revolved around coming up with a plan of escape. She was sure she could get her hands on the keys on another trip down to the basement, whenever that might be. On the night she decided to put the plan into action she would simply unlock the shackle on his ankle, leave the door open after dinner and have him wait until the time was right to meet her somewhere and break free.

 _How the hell am I going to get him past the guards?_ Marilyn knew she would have to creative and really think outside of the box. No one at the Hilltop would allow them to simply stroll through the front gates. There had to be another way. She stopped on her walk of the grounds and looked up toward the wall that towered above her wondering what could be done.

"Hey." A woman's voice in the darkness broke her concentration and Marilyn near jumped out of her shoes. "I'm sorry." Maggie smiled and made her way up to where she was standing.

"Oh, it's okay." Marilyn smiled back. "I like to walk. I can't always just sit... too much to think about."

"I know what you mean." Maggie nodded. "I just wanted to thank you for giving all of the input that you have here. You've worked some long days for us already. I think this is going to really work out for the long haul if you want it to."

Marilyn nodded. "Yeah... I mean if I'm welcome to."

"We're always looking to expand."

She smiled. "I did a lot of gardening at the Sanctuary too. As a kid I was always helping my grandfather in his big garden."

Maggie grinned. "We lived on a farm. I used to help my dad too."

"Is he, um..."

"Yeah." She nodded. "But I try to live the way he would... the way Glenn would... and Beth."

"Your family?"

Maggie nodded again. "How about you? Any family?"

"I'm from the west coast originally," Marilyn explained, "I don't know if my family is alive or dead or what the world is like over there." She looked up at Maggie, "I moved here just a few months before all of this happened."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "You learn to live with a lot in this world I guess."

"You sure do," Maggie agreed. She looked up toward the wall. "They're solid. Nothing is getting through there."

Marilyn smiled and nodded. "It's great here."

"Let us know if you ever need anything. We appreciate your work ethic Marilyn."

"Anything I can do." She nodded, "Thanks Maggie."

Maggie nodded, "I'll see ya later."

Marilyn gave a wave and continued on her walk back toward her trailer. She wanted to ask Tara if she could bring Negan's food down to him again some time soon but she felt it would appear too pushy. Tara, herself, said how much she hated it.

 _Maybe I could offer to do it for her as a favor_.

Marilyn wandered over toward the fence and sat down on a wooden box as she decided to take a moment to think. She planned on bailing him out at night and knew who was on duty when she went to bed. The only thing that was unclear was what actually went down overnight after she went to sleep. Were there more Hilltop people wandering around than she realized? What was going on in the main building? Were people in and out? Were the lights left on?

She knew these were all answers she needed in order to perfect a fool proof plan. Getting Negan out of the building would be a challenge without getting caught, particularly if people were in and out randomly at all hours of the night. Marilyn guessed that there wouldn't be, at least not consistently, but walking out the front door with Negan in tow would certainly draw some level of attention from the guards. She was sure the darkness would aid in not knowing that it was him coming outside, but the more discretion, the better.

"Want to see something cool?" A flashlight went on and off and Marilyn held up a hand to see Tara approaching.

Marilyn grinned. "What?"

She motioned with her hand, "Stand up."

She did as Tara asked and put her hands on her hips as Tara lifted the top of the box where Marilyn had just been sitting.

Marilyn narrowed her eyes, a bit confused, "Is there buried treasure or something?"

"Don't you wish? Not that it would make a difference in this world if there was." Tara shined the light down into the box and Marilyn peered down, following the beam of light with her eyes.

"What's that?"

"Tunnels."

"Tunnels?"

"They lead to the outside... different places. I think it branches out like a fork in the road." Tara motioned to both sides using her arms.

"How did you guys do this?"

"I have no idea how. Jesus might know."

Marilyn laughed lightly and stared down into the darkness. Tara had laid the foundation out for her every step of the way. Again, of all the people she felt bad that it had to be her. If Marilyn was successful in her plan of escape then she knew Tara would be beating herself up over it.

 _Collateral damage_ , she reluctantly thought to herself but smiled again in knowing that this was her route; her way out. The box was tucked neatly away between two trailers and out of the view of the guards. If she could get him to this point then they would have a solid chance. No one would know that Negan was gone until the morning or noon time when they went down to give him his first meal. _We would have hours and hours of time to get the hell out of the area._

"Where does this even lead to?"

Tara shrugged. "I've never taken it myself but somewhere out in the woods I think. I don't know how far it actually goes."

"That's pretty amazing."

"Yeah." She grinned. "I think Jesus had something to do with creating it."

"He's really smart, huh?"

"Street smart anyway." Tara clicked off the flashlight and set the lid back down.

"This community is going to thrive," Marilyn told her. She meant it. The way it all operated made sense. She just knew she wouldn't be around to witness any major expansions.

"Now it will." She nodded. "Glad you're a part of it." Tara smacked her shoulder and kept walking.

"Thanks Tara."

"For what?"

"Making sure I didn't fall down the hole in the ground here." Marilyn laughed.

"I'll see if I can get Jesus to take us on a tour. I'm kind of curious to see where they lead out."

"How come you haven't gone down there before?"

Tara shrugged. "I don't know. There was never a dull moment, I guess and I was living at Alexandria before I decided to relocate over here."

"That's the other community you guys work together with?"

"One of them. I was part of it... I mean I am part of it. I just, I don't know I've preferred it here lately."

Marilyn nodded and looked around, "Well thanks again for helping me out this week. I appreciate it."

"No problem."

"If there's any way I can return the favor let me know." _Like taking your shift to bring Negan his food._

Tara gave a thumbs up. "A few of us are planning on playing cards later. You should come."

Marilyn didn't want to get overly close with the people of the Hilltop but she decided it was better than being alone. "Yeah... maybe."

"Head over to the main building over here at nine if you're interested."

"Okay." She nodded.

Tara waved again and this time went on her way leaving Marilyn to herself. She turned back toward the bin and had the urge to leap down into the pit and travel the tunnels that Jesus or whoever had dug out. She imagined it couldn't have gone too far but any way out that was discrete would work.

 _Now I just need another night to bring Negan his meal. I'll tell him the plan, unlock the shackle on his leg, find some type of disguise that will draw minimal attention to him as he sneaks out of the building and then get him to the tunnel box._

Marilyn wanted to insist on feeding him his dinner that night but she didn't at all want to put a target on her back - not when she was so close. What she decided in her mind was that if no one openly asked her to take on dinner duty she would offer by the end of the week to take a shift. If it was Tara she assumed the task would be a little easier because of their last encounter with him in the basement.

 _Soon_ , she knew, _very soon._

Marilyn threw her hair up into a ponytail and sighed before nodding to herself. She headed down toward her trailer and once she got inside started to rummage through the drawers of clothes that were provided to her.

 _Hooded sweatshirt, check._ Marilyn drew her hand over the shirt of Negan's and knew that she could leave him that if she wore it over a t-shirt and left it down there for him. _Dark blue baseball hat, check._

She glanced around the room and noted what belongings she would be packing up in two or three bags for their underground hike out of the Hilltop. Over the next several days she would pack, possibly do a dry run through the tunnel with Jesus and try to scope out what happened after hours at the Hilltop. For now, she would simply do her part to fit in... and that night it meant playing cards with Tara and the rest of them.


	49. Two-Thirty

"Is there anything more elaborate we can put in his food this time?" Marilyn asked, standing beside Tara in the kitchen.

"I'd say go with something he might be allergic to but we're not supposed to kill him." She rolled her eyes, "Like it matters."

"Do you have dog food?" she asked with a laugh, "Or cat food maybe? We could pretend it's tuna."

Tara laughed. "That's good. I don't know though. Cat food hasn't been a priority on a list of things to find." She looked around and a lightbulb went off. "I'll be right back."

Marilyn smiled, eager to get on with one of the final phases of her plan. She could hardly harness the feeling that was brewing inside of her - one of excitement, anxiousness and fear. Tonight would be her night to free Negan if all went accordingly. While she hadn't gotten the chance to go down into the tunnels with Jesus, she was certain the plan would work. Marilyn knew it might even play to their advantage that she didn't ask about the tunnels that way it wouldn't be as obvious that that was how they escaped.

She stood in the kitchen looking at the plate of food and was tempted to throw in some extra for him but she refrained. Marilyn knew she had to make Negan's last meal at the Hilltop as miserable as possible so that she could hit the final nail in the coffin and bail him out without anyone having a second thought. It was why she made the suggestion to Tara, who eventually came back with a small collection of night crawlers.

"We can put these in the middle of the sandwich," she suggested.

"Yuck, sounds good. Don't tell him this time."

Tara grinned. "This makes this job all the more rewarding. And here I hated going down to bring him his food before. Now it's like a sport."

Marilyn laughed. "Silver linings." She watched as Tara rushed the worms and put them in between two pieces of bread.

"The asshole was getting off easy tonight with a peanut butter sandwich. I don't care how stale the bread it. That's gourmet as far as I'm concerned."

"Agreed." She nodded, "Thanks for letting me do this Tara. It honestly puts a little humor into a terrible situation. I love knowing that he'll have to eat this or starve... and to be the one to give it to him, all the better."

Tara handed over the plate. "Should we cut it into triangles?" she joked.

"Just like Mama used to make it."

She laughed again and then handed over the keys just after. "Have fun."

"Thanks."

"Want me to come down or are you okay?"

"I'll be alright," Marilyn assured her, "But maybe hang by the top of the stairs again in case I need backup."

Tara gave the thumbs up and then allowed her to pass by with the sandwich.

Marilyn took a deep breath, eager to see his face again and hear his voice. She wondered what he thought about all day in the cell, or if he had any concept of time. The door creaked open and Marilyn took each step back down to the basement. That same musty scent filtered through her nostrils and for a moment she became overwhelmed with emotion for his circumstances. When she reached the bottom Marilyn looked over her shoulder toward the top of the staircase as Tara ducked back through the door on the first level. She then pressed on, satisfied to have another few minutes alone again.

The rattle of the chain on Negan's ankle was what she heard first and when he cleared his throat in anticipation she spoke quietly to him in the darkness.

"How are you doing down here?"

Negan let out a light laugh. "Feels like it's been fuckin' years since I've heard your voice doll."

Marilyn slid the key in and crossed into the cell. She didn't hesitate this time and walked up to him, planting a kiss on his lips and setting the plate of food down. "Tonight's the night," she told him.

"Mmm," he crinkled his nose and smiled, "I like the sound of that."

"I found a way out of here. I just have to get you from here to a place in between two of the trailers out there."

Negan pulled her to him for another kiss. "You're an amazing fuckin' woman, ya know that?"

Marilyn smiled and then dropped to her knees with the set of keys in her hand.

"I don't think you should blow me just yet," he teased, watching as she undid the shackle on his ankle. "Oh, okay... never mind."

She suppressed a laugh and smiled wide, staring up at him. "I'll let you hold me to that once we're out of here."

"Can't fuckin' argue with that." Negan twisted his ankle around and then slipped it back within the shackle. "So what's the fuckin' plan honey?"

"I'm leaving this all unlocked," Marilyn whispered, glancing once at the stairs, "No one comes down after dinner usually, right?"

He shook his head and smiled as she went on, amused and impressed by her plan.

She removed the baseball hat from the oversized pocket of the hood. Inside was a watch and she handed it to him. "At two-thirty I want you to meet me at the top of the stairs. The lights are all out and for the past week I haven't seen anyone loitering around. I'll lead you in between two trailers. There's a box there but underneath it is an underground tunnel that leads out of here." Marilyn looked into his pleased, amused eyes. She couldn't help but smile. "The hardest part will be making sure you get out of this building without being seen. After that we just hit the tunnels and hopefully get a head start."

"No one comes down to check on me until mid day." Negan smiled again. "We'll have a hell of a fuckin' head start."

Marilyn nodded and let out a sigh.

"Baseball hat's to disguise me?"

She nodded again. "Yeah. I'm going to give you my hoodie too." Marilyn looked down, "Well, your hoodie."

"It looks better on you." Negan kissed her several times in a row. "I can't wait to get the fuck out of here with you doll."

"Me too." Marilyn kissed him a little harder and then pulled back. "I'll see you at two-thirty."

Negan slipped his fingers in the belt loops of her pants and pulled her to back to him. "I owe you baby," he whispered.

"Just the rest of your life with me."

"You got it." He kissed her forcefully this time and then let out a deep breath. "Just needed to do that one more time."

Marilyn kissed him again and then pushed off the wall. "Sorry for the terrible sandwich. There's worms in it. But I packed us a bunch of good stuff for later so don't eat it if you don't want to."

"Nice touch."

"I thought so."

He pulled her to him again. "Two-thirty," he whispered into her ear.

"Yeah."

"I'll follow your lead."

Marilyn looked him in the eyes. "We're getting out of here tonight."


	50. Moment of Truth

Marilyn maintained a low profile, keeping the lights off in her trailer aside from a two small candles on the floor so she could assure she had packed everything she needed. Assuming the two of them could carry two bags each, hopefully with ease, she packed up four bags worth of supplies, emphasizing food and water while also gathering up whatever weapons she could manage.

She sat now staring at clock that hung on the all above the small bed she had been sleeping in. All in all the place was a comfy little space to call her own, and if the two groups hadn't been quite literally at war with one another then Marilyn could have seen them all getting along just fine. A part of her wished circumstances were different - that the Hilltop group hadn't attacked Negan's outpost that ultimately lead to the events spiraling out of control. Still, there was no making amends, at least not in the near future and she knew she had to set aside her forming friendship with Tara.

Marilyn looked around the immediate area and then reached for an envelope that had been ripped in half but had somehow managed to linger around. She grabbed a red magic marker and scribbled the words I'M SORRY in bold letters on the envelope before setting the note down on her pillow.

The Hilltop people wouldn't be clueless, Marilyn knew. They would come to realize the next morning that she had been playing them since her arrival and while she wouldn't feel bad for most of them because of what they did to Negan, there was a part of her that knew her and Tara could be friends if the world wasn't what it was. She still had enough humanity to leave the message, particularly because it was Tara that allowed for Negan's impending freedom.

She sighed and looked around the place wishing for more weapons but she knew that Simon and Nina had stocked up on enough for the four of them. Marilyn just hoped they would be at the state park where Simon had told her to go. Walking all the way to the lighthouse felt like an enormous task, so the park was the best bet.

The first stop before making her way into the main building would be the tunnel box. Marilyn would drop the supply bags down, scope out the area and then head inside. The guards were so focused on what might be going on outside the walls that they rarely paid attention to inside.

For a moment Marilyn sat in the silence, honing in on the noises around her that were limited to bugs chirping from somewhere outside and the tick of the second hand on the clock. Other than that there was nothing.

The fifteen minutes to follow felt like fifteen years as the clock slowly ticked from five after two, to ten after, to fifteen and finally to two-twenty. Timing was everything and if Marilyn went in too soon then she would increase her minutes out and about where someone could find her. Likewise, if she went to meet Negan too late he could be the one to get caught out of the cell.

With a deep breath she blew out the candles, leaving smokey patterns rising high above the ground. Marilyn pulled back the shade and saw the emptiness of the world outside. She decided it was now or never to make her move and so she gathered up the bags, one on her back, one attached to the front and one on each arm.

 _Here we go_ , she thought, pulling a hood up over her head. _Let's hope for a decent head start._

 _..._

Negan sat and listened. Upstairs he hadn't heard anyone walking around for hours and couldn't help but look at the watch that Marilyn had given him every five minutes. He wasn't an anxious person by any stretch of the world, though he felt his greatest anxiety in the final five minutes. It would be like winning the Superbowl or winning the lottery if their plan worked. If it didn't then he would be thrown back into the cell with no idea of what happened to Marilyn. It was now or never and the monumental nature of the situation gnawed at his stomach.

 _Two-twenty eight._ Negan listened again and then threw the baseball hat on down low over his eyes. He shoved the watched into his pocket and freed himself from the shackle that Marilyn had left unlocked. Quietly he maneuvered his way out of the cell, slinking through the open door and creeping his way toward the staircase. For another long moment he leant all of his concentration to listening. When there was nothing again to deter him he took each step as fleet-footed as possible. Being chained away like he had made his legs feel stiff, and though the simple walking movement ached it also felt liberating as his muscles were put to full use again.

When the door at the top of the stairs slowly opened without a sound Negan froze and stood with a hand on the wall. He swallowed hard and waited, pleased to see Marilyn's glowing but anxious face awaiting in the darkness. In her arms she held his baggy, hooded Virginia Football sweatshirt and looked once over her shoulder.

Negan hurried a little more the rest of the way and quickly tossed on the shirt on before repositioning his hat and throwing the hood up over the top. Neither of them spoke, but Marilyn nodded toward the empty hallway that seemed to stretch on for miles in the darkness to where the front door had been left open. Purposely he hunched his shoulders and tried to sink low in his stride to mask his appearance as much as he could. Both of their hearts raced, the blood pumping more rapidly through their veins with each step.

The door to freedom was closing in and when Negan's foot caught a creak in the floor both of them froze at the same time. Marilyn looked over her shoulder and made eye contact with him as his chest heaved up and down with several deep breaths.

Negan nodded his head toward the door when neither of them heard anything and Marilyn hurried a little faster, closing her eyes for a moment as she braced for another creak when the door opened. When it didn't, she glanced over her shoulder again upon feeling Negan's hand on her back guiding her forward.

From where they stood by the door Marilyn could see the darkened spot that covered the box they needed to get to. It was a hundred yards away or less and there was no one in sight.

"Come on," she whispered and attempted to walk casually in case they were spotted by someone.

Negan trailed at her heels, glancing around with his hands shoved into the pocket of the hoodie. "How far?" He asked in a low voice, now eyeing the guards atop their posts by the gate.

"Straight ahead," she whispered back over her shoulder, craving the cover of darkness that would provide the ultimate camouflage they needed to slink away quietly.

The shadows were welcoming and Marilyn was the most frightened as they grew closer to the box. It was right in front of them staring them in the face and anything but success in the moments to follow would feel like a knife through the heart.

Laughter from behind them somewhere made Marilyn jump and she instinctively reaching back and grabbed Negan's shirt, heaving his body to the best of her ability into the shadows.

She wanted to lift the cover but refrained in case it were to make a noise.

Negan squatted down beside it and the two of them waited, taking in their surroundings again as Enid and Carl crossed through the center of the little town.

"What's that little shit doing here?" Negan wondered aloud with a faint smile.

"He visits the girl," Marilyn whispered back and then proceeded to lift the cover. "This is it."

"How far's the jump?"

She reluctantly extended her arm down and quickly turned the flashlight on and off revealing the drop and the bags. "Five, six feet."

Negan glanced down and then looked at her. "You first."

Marilyn shook her head. "The second you get in there we're free. Go."

He contemplated insisting she go first but decided to do it her way. She had rescued him successfully and manned out an effective plan. Who was he to disregard the final steps?

Negan eyed the dark pit again and braced himself for a five foot landing before getting his big body over the edge and disappearing below ground into the darkness.

Marilyn took a long, deep breath and took a look around the grounds of the Hilltop as she carefully made her way inside the box, peering out from just a small sliver of space before dropping down to the lower level.

Immediately she felt Negan's hands steady her around her midsection and she took a deep breath. For a moment the two of them just stood there in the darkness listening to nothing but one another's breathing. Marilyn finally reached into her pocket in search of the flashlight but Negan's hand suddenly wrapped around hers and he put a finger to his lips.

Marilyn looked into his eyes that didn't leave hers until he stared upward when there was a creaking sound at the top of the box. She swallowed hard and tried not to move... or breath. Thw two of them stood perfectly still for several seconds before recognizing that someone was sitting on top of the box.

Negan looked over his shoulder toward the tunnel that he knew would get them out of there. Keeping his finger pressed to his lips he continued to look at Marilyn and carefully bent down, effortlessly scooping up two of the backpacks and placing them down quietly in through the opening of the tunnel. He then did the same with the next two and waved her toward him.

Marilyn bit down on her bottom lip and tiptoed toward the opening where he was crouched down, unable to stand up all the way in the confined area. No sooner than when her hands latched onto his and he pulled her to him the hatch opened that led to the trails and this time Negan put a hand over her mouth and pulled her up against him with her back to his chest.

"They're underground tunnels," Enid's voice came, "I've gone through them with Jesus."

Carl laughed lightly. "Where do they go?"

"Out into the woods." There was a small bout of silence before she asked him the question that both Negan and Marilyn were dreading. "Do you want to check them out?"


	51. Free

Marilyn breathed heavily into Negan's palm. She tried to steady herself and even contemplated trying to hightail it down the tunnel before Carl and Enid made a decision.

Negan's breaths landed consistently against her ear though she was sure hers were more rapid and uneven.

"Can you even see anything down there?" Carl asked.

"With a flashlight," Enid said back. There was a pause. "We can go grab some."

"I wish I knew about this when we were fighting with the Saviors. Or it could have been a hiding spot for Daryl or Maggie."

"So..." The lid to the box slammed shut and their muffled conversation could still be heard from above.

"Let's go," Negan whispered, releasing Marilyn from his grasp. "Lead the way honey." He reached for one of the bags and hoisted it up onto his shoulders as Marilyn, without hesitation, did the same. They each hook one onto their chests in similar fashion and then headed down the tunnel as fast as they could in the crammed area.

The beam on Marilyn's flashlight illuminated the narrow, dirt pathway that grew stuffier by the minute. Bugs decorated the sides and the grounds. She didn't want to think of what might be hanging over head but all in all she didn't care.

"I hope this doesn't go on for miles," she choked out in between breaths as they trudged along, still keeping a fast pace in case Carl and Enid happened to hop down into the the tunnels behind them.

"A mile to freedom," Negan reminded her, "The view from my angle isn't all that bad honey. I can do a mile of this. You been doing fuckin' squats in your spare time?"

Marilyn snickered despite the intense nature of the situation. She heard him laugh behind her and truly felt her spirits rise from being in his company.

"If the bags get too heavy hand me over one," he said, "I can handle a third."

"I got it," Marilyn assured him, leading the way around one corner and then another.

The concept of time was all but lost as they crept on and on toward where ever fate took them. The hardest part was not knowing when it would be over, where the tunnel lead and if they would be safe when they got there.

"Keep pushing doll," Negan encouraged her from behind. "This shit is fuckin' easy right?"

She knew he was trying to keep her positive on the never ending trail of twists and turns. "Yeah."

"You got us through the hard part," he went on, "This is the home stretch. We just have to try looking for a car once we hike out of this shit hole."

"That's the only part I wasn't able to figure out."

"You're a fuckin' genius for planning this escape and getting them to trust you. I'll pick up some of the slack and try to find us a car. We need to put some distance in between ourselves and this fuckin' place."

"The park," Marilyn huffed, "Simon said they'd be at the park."

"What park was it?"

"I'll show you on the map when we get out." She wiped sweat from her forehead, feeling the dirt clinging to her as it dusted up from the ground with each step.

"You're fuckin' amazing."

"Not yet I'm not."

"You are." Negan took in a deep breath and felt the burn in his legs and a slight ache in his back from being hunched over for so long.

Neither of them knew the exact distance but it felt like miles.

"Couple more minutes," he said to her.

"I hope so."

"How are the bags?"

"Fine." Marilyn looked ahead. "I think I see a clearing." She picked up the pace and a smile formed on her face. "Yes!" She began to run now to the best of her ability and finally made her way into an area a little smaller but similar in size to that of the space beneath the box at the Hilltop.

Negan walked the rest of the way and nodded toward a small, wooden stool. "There's your way out," he said casually.

Marilyn turned and stared at him and then back to the stool. She glanced upward just after. "This is it," she told him.

"After you honey." He motioned with his hand.

For whatever reason Marilyn was nervous to go up. She couldn't pinpoint why, but for a half a second she froze. Her eyes met Negan's who waited with such a calm expression that it freaked her out.

"How are you so calm?" Marilyn wanted him to feel the same way that she felt but at the same time she was thankful for his easygoing attitude.

"I'm so calm because this is what I've been fuckin' looking forward to since you showed up in my cell. You makes me calm, your planning in this whole thing makes me calm." Negan tipped his mouth up in a smile. "Now let's get the fuck out of here."

"Okay." Marilyn managed a smile back and then stepped up onto the stool. She reached up toward a wooden hutch. When her fingers barely grazed it Negan scooped her up off the ground and lifted her the extra couple of inches that she needed.

With a deep breath she pushed it open and began to push herself up.

"Got it?" Negan called up.

Marilyn used all of her strength and her fingers dug into the grass and dirt that made up the ground. She could tell right away that they were in the woods somewhere. "I got it."

Negan watched as she pulled herself up the entire way and then took it upon himself to follow her. He pushed off of the stool, lifting his big body using just one foot.

Marilyn stood and watched as Negan pushed himself up through the small space and then closed the door down that no one would have known was there.

He looked around the dark woods and took in several breaths through his nose. The air felt so fresh and freeing in comparison to where he had been locked up for an amount of time he had begun to lose count on.

Negan glanced up for a moment at the collection of stars that were tucked behind the overhanging tree branches. He sighed and then looked at Marilyn.

She stared back at him and let the moment hit her with emotion. Marilyn smiled smally at first and then wider before almost letting out a laugh. "We're out." It was the only thing she could think to say.

Negan laughed lightly and then a little louder, leaning back with his hands on his hips. "Shit..." he ran a thumb over his eyebrows beneath the ball cap he still wore and took in the moment before walking over to her and pulling her to him.

Marilyn closed her eyes when he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her in a long, needy fashion. His hands drifted up the sides of her neck before he rested them on her face and continued to kiss her.

She wrapped her arms around him and imagined their sensual encounter must have looked like a scene from some warped horror-romance novel or movie. The air was cool and breezy. The trees swayed in such a way that would have given anyone the chills, particularly knowing what potentially lurked within the shadows. Still, Marilyn felt perfectly at ease in Negan's arms.

The uncertainties still loomed over both of their heads and where they would end up next remained a question. Simon and Nina were out there somewhere and if all went accordingly they would have a major head start over the Hilltop people.

In a break in their kiss Marilyn wanted to tell Negan she loved him but when he kissed her again she quickly got wrapped back up. She stopped wondering and worrying for the first time that night and allowed herself to live in the moment. They were free.


	52. Getaway

Marilyn sunk against Negan's chest as he hugged her hard for an extra long moment before he finally pulled back.

"Thank you," he told her, looking her directly in the eye.

She smiled and kissed him again before Negan pulled back again.

"We have to go," he told her, looking around.

"Where are we?"

"We'll figure that shit out in a minute." Negan continued to glance around and then walked over toward an oversized rock by a collection of trees. He proceeded to grab it, haul it back and drop it down over the top of the entrance to the tunnel they had just come out of. With a deep breath he stared down at it for a moment, contemplating if it would hold and then looked at Marilyn, "Let's go."

She nodded and latched onto his hand as he reached out for her and the two of them began a hike through the woods.

"Where are the weapons?" he asked her.

Marilyn released his hand for a moment to shuffle through one of the bags she was carrying and then handed him two knives and a gun.

Negan grinned wide and tucked the knives away, still holding the gun in one hand and then slipped his fingers back through hers. "You tired?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Good... because we might not be stopping all night."

"I won't stop for days if that's what it takes."

"That's my girl." Negan winked and the two of them discovered the first beaten path and decided to take it. On the way they encounter stray walkers in packs of no more than five or six. With ease they took them down or avoided them all together as they continued to walk into the unknown. This time the march wasn't as strenuous. They were both above ground in the fresh air and soon came across a brick building with a parking lot full of cars.

"The undead," Marilyn whispered as they approached, "I hear them."

"Yeah..." Negan's eyes scanned the area as they approached the lot, "They're here. Someone rammed through the fence." He pointed, "So maybe we have a fuckin' chance to get a car working." When she let out a sigh he turned to her and slowly smiled, "Know how to hot wire a car honey?"

She smiled, "No."

"Well... let's see what the fuck we can do with this shit." Negan towed her with him and carefully led her to the parking lot attempting not to draw the attention of the walkers nearby. When they got to the first car he carefully opened the driver's side door and looked around as he did. "Keep your eyes open for me." He tossed his two bags into the back seat.

Marilyn nodded and kept a lookout while Negan checked the ignition, cursing when the keys weren't in there and then proceeded to check the glove box and center compartment. When there was nothing he slipped beneath the steering wheel. "Hand me a flashlight doll."

She reached into the pocket of her jeans and then handed it over, watching for a moment as he gripped it between his teeth and worked at the wires like a mechanic.

Marilyn stared around the darkness watching the trees and listening to the growls nearby. She reached for a knife of her own in case the walkers happened to come toward them and made sure she was alert from all angles. Each second that passed she prayed that someone wouldn't show up, or that a larger group of walkers wouldn't emerge.

 _If we can get this car working we're golden_ , she thought.

Negan tried his best to match up the wires after pulling everything apart. He remained calm, noting Marilyn's extreme efforts to get them to where they were. He owed it to her to remain even-tempered in order to give the hot-wiring his best shot. It wasn't a skill he was profound at but had success on two other occasions. Still, it had been a long while and he really focused.

Marilyn alternated between watching the area and glancing down as Negan toyed with the wires.

"Come on you motherfucker," he whispered, touching two wires together. There was a spark and some twitching between the wires but nothing igniting.

Inside she felt like cheering him on, but tapped her foot anxiously as clicking noises erupted and died out several times. "Come on," she said quietly, closing her eyes for a moment before refocusing on the world around them.

"Damn fuckin' thing," Negan huffed, "Start." The engine sounded like it would roll over but each time it was a teaser.

"Some are coming this way," Marilyn informed him as he continued to struggle.

"Get the bags in the car." He never took his eyes off the task in front of him.

"Should I go after them before they get here?"

"No," Negan instructed, "Get the bags in the car and then get in the passenger side."

"Okay." She looked around, "What if..." Marilyn didn't finish the thought. She did what he said and opened the back seat as he continued to get the engine to purr only to hear it die down again. She then hurried around the side of the car and saw that the walkers in the back lot were alerted by the constant rumble of the engine.

When she opened the door and continued to look around Negan called to her, still holding the flashlight between his teeth. "Get in."

"They're coming Negan." She hopped in and shut the door behind her.

"Start you mother fucker!" he shouted now at the car.

Marilyn swallowed hard as the walkers grew closer. She looked out the window and then at Negan on the floor of the driver's side with his legs exposed to whatever was out there. She wanted to say something to him but knew there was nothing she could say to better the situation.

The engine was dying to roll over and Negan's demands turned to a overbearing beg. "Please you fucking fuck!" He knew his shouts wouldn't matter now that the undead had been alerted to their presence.

"Negan..." Marilyn's voice was more panicky now.

"Come on..." He grinded his teeth into the metal and furiously clicked the wires together.

Marilyn's eyes grew wider and she felt an ache in her chest. "They're here..." A walker's palm slammed down on the window and Negan's hands worked faster.

 _Click, click, click, click_...

"Negan," her voice was more shrill and the last thing Marilyn wanted to see happen after rescuing him was having him get bitten by a walker. She looked at his legs again and was about to spring out the car without regard for herself but the car's engine roared and turned over.

"Fuck yes!" Negan linked the wires together and pushed himself to his feet. He glanced around at the incoming oversized pack of walkers and hopped into the driver's seat, slamming the door behind him. With a relieved laugh he put the car in drive and floor the gas pedal, barreling out of the parking lot and glanced over at Marilyn with a grin. "Scared for a second baby?"

"Yes," she admitted, laughing with him now and took a deep breath. "Holy shit."

"Holy fucking shit." Negan slapped a hand down lightly on her thigh and then refocused on the road. "Break out that map. Let's find this fuckin' park."


	53. Sky Meadows State Park

Sky Meadows State Park. The sign was still in tact, the letters written in a chipping white paint that stood out amongst a sea of brown. Marilyn felt an excitement brewing in her chest at the idea that Nina and Simon might be somewhere nearby to provide them with stability for the first time in what felt like forever. She knew the feeling must have been magnified for Negan having spent all of his time in the dark, damp cell. At the same time she knew that their drive couldn't have been more than a half hour leaving the people of Rick's community within a reachable distance. Still, no one had any idea where she and Negan might be going.

"This place has some fuckin' land to it," Negan explained, "If I'm remembering correctly."

"You know this place?"

"Used to fuckin' fish here once in awhile... a long time ago."

Marilyn nodded and looked around. "Simon said something about cabins."

Negan thought for a moment and looked around before pressing on down the dirt road that led into the ground of the Virginia state park. His eyes scanned the area. Walkers were sporadically scattered about an open field just beyond the entrance sign and he assumed they littered the woods nearby. With lethargic aggression they extended their arms and turned their bodies in pursuit of the vehicle that they would never be able to catch.

"What kind of car was Simon driving?" Negan asked as they passed by the field and in through an archway of trees that progressed deeper into the park.

"Black truck." Marilyn glanced out the window as a walker near the road reached for the car.

Negan rested a hand on her knee upon seeing her worried expression. "We're alright."

"Yeah I know."

He gave a quick wink and looked ahead as they hit a fork in the road. In front of them were more signs that were printed with yellow writing on top of stained wood. They all gave a direction for one thing or another, each complete with a panted yellow arrow. The one that Negan's eyes landed on was the second one down that read CAMPING in bold letters with an arrow pointing to the right.

"Try going right?" he asked. "Simon said they were looking for cabins."

Marilyn glanced out the windshield at a walker that was coming their way. "Sure."

Negan cut the wheel to the right and hit the gas, knocking the walker down with the left side bumper. "See... no fuckin' problem doll. Let's just hope no one else is occupying the space here."

"Yeah..."

The dirt road twisted and turned through the woods. An oversized outhouse made itself known first, it's structure comprised of stone and the same dark brown wood as the signs. On the side of the building closest to them there was a sign that read WOMEN attached next to a door.

"I wonder what fresh hell is in that fuckin' building," Negan thought aloud.

Marilyn noted an old charcoal grill tipped on its side and what looked like the remnants of a fire pit enclosed with stones. It reminded both of them of how dead the world was outside of the communities they'd been a part of. They were starting all over again.

 _Don't ruin it_ , Marilyn told herself. _Negan is alive, you're alive. We'll find another community or survive here for awhile... I hope._

When the first cabin came into view Negan slowed the car down to a halt. It sat way off to the right, barely visible in the darkness. Straight ahead in the distance they could see a glistening from the moon off a body of water.

For several seconds the two of them just sat there and finally Negan rolled the window down. He leant an ear to the world around them and upon hearing next to nothing he looked to Marilyn. "Grab the bags."

"What if they aren't here?" She raised her eyebrows.

He continued to look at her, his eyes soft and a barely-there smile cross his face. In a manner that was truthful and slightly sad he asked, "Where else are we going to go?"

Marilyn knew that was their reality. Their current surroundings would be as good as any... if not better than another place they might find. It was tucked away from the main roads, deep into the woods and she hoped the body of water would be of some kind of use to them. Marilyn also hoped they would find their old friends somewhere amongst the hidden cabins at the camping are of Sky Meadows.

"You're right." She gave a half-smile back and Negan leaned in and kissed her once, leaving his lips against her for an extra second and then pulled away.

"If you ever want me to take you back to the Hilltop so you can live safely and with some fuckin' stability-"

Marilyn stopped him mid-sentence by putting a hand over his mouth. "I will never leave you until you push me away and tell me you don't want me anymore." She looked into his eyes and slowly moved her hand away from his mouth.

"The second half of that statement will never happen."

"Then neither will the first."

"I wanted a good life for you Marilyn."

She sighed and ran a hand through his hair, able to allow herself to engulf herself in her feelings for him for the first time now that their crazy world had come to a temporary still. "I love you." A genuine smile crossed her face, "I fucking love you."

"I fucked things up."

Marilyn shook her head. "We were at war... your words. War." She swallowed hard and looked down. "I'm just thankful you're alive. I can live with anything and everything else as long as I'm with you."

Negan kissed her again. "Let's go see if we can fuckin' find them."

"If they aren't here they may be down at the coast."

He waved her out of the car, rolled up the window and they each grabbed their bags. Negan armed himself with the best of their weapons and made sure Marilyn was ready on a moment's notice to fight if need be.

"There may be people who are occupying this place," he reminded her, "You never know.'

"Okay." Marilyn nodded.

Negan led the way, moving one step in front of her. "Just be aware of those undead fucks out there. They're here but they shouldn't be a huge threat unless there are masses of them that I'm unaware of." He managed a short laugh, "Which is very fuckin' possible."

Marilyn locked her fingers to the fabric of Negan's sweatshirt and followed him through a series of scattered trees toward the first cabin.

He turned to her when they got close. "Stay back for a second."

She nodded and crouched down as he slowly made his way to look in through a small front window to the right of the door. It appeared as though the place had been untouched and he tried the doorknob next to find it locked.

"Locked?" Marilyn whispered and he nodded before waving her back to him to look in the next set of windows.

"Empty kitchen, empty bedroom," Negan explained. "The kitchen table and chairs are down and scattered around. I don't think they're in there." He pointed up ahead toward the next cabin, "We can come back if we need to. Gotta look for that black fuckin' truck."

She nodded and clutched the back of his shirt again as they made their way up the side of the lake to the next little house. "Walker," she whispered and pointed.

"I got him." Negan broke ahead of her a few steps and plunged a knife into the walker's head as it recognized they were there and lunged in Negan's direction. When the body crumpled to the ground he stepped to the side, drawing Marilyn with him and then continued on.

With each step Marilyn felt her adrenaline rise and her heart pounded. A flush of heat filled her cheeks and she was trying to anticipate anything and everything.

The second cabin was a little bigger with a small porch out front but with a similar stature to the first. Negan crept to a window again and then immediately crouched down and pulled Marilyn with him so their backs were against the wall.

"What is it?" she whispered but wanted to shout the question from the abrupt nature of Negan's movements.

"Someone's in there."

"How do you know?"

"There's a candle lit... a couple of them actually."

"Nina?"

"Maybe," Negan told her. "Maybe not."

"Did you see anyone?"

He shook his head before whipping his head around toward the corner of the house that rounded toward the front. Negan's grip on the pistol in his hand tightened when he heard what he assumed was a screen door tap lightly against the frame as someone exited the cabin.

"Negan..." Marilyn whispered his name and he put up his free hand and crept a few feet toward the front of the house, scaling the wall as he did.

She watched from where she stayed squatted down and felt her hand begin to shake that held a gun of her own. She reached for a knife she'd placed on her hip and armed herself with both hands. Marilyn crept behind him a little closer, not wanting to put a great distance between the two of them.

There was one thing that was for certain - the cabin was occupied but whether it was Nina and Simon she had no idea. Maybe they had come to the park and were kicked out by the occupants. Maybe they were killed by them, or held captive. Maybe none of the above was true and the people inside and on the front porch were their friends.

 _Maybe, maybe, maybe_ , she thought.

The sound of the screen door opening and closing sounded off again and Negan froze himself to listen again. A familiar sound of an incoming walker filled the air... the growling, the snapping jaws. He glanced toward the front again before retreating to be at Marilyn's side.

"I got it," she assured him quietly as the walker emerged from the darkness in pursuit of the two of them.

"No." Negan walked passed her, plunging the knife deep into its brain and then letting the body fall to the ground again. He glanced up upon seeing a shadow through the window and then pulled Marilyn's arm. "Come on." He wasn't sure if he wanted to reposition himself with his gun raised in the shadow of the cabin by the wall again or bail completely. Whoever was inside had no idea who or what they were dealing with and so he feared they would shoot first and ask questions later. Before he could process any of it the sound of a shotgun cocking sounded off and there was a figure that stood by the front corner of the house.

Negan positioned himself in front of Marilyn and put his hands in the air, feeling Marilyn's grasp on the back of his shirt. Neither of them knew what to expect but they could only pray that the mystery man was Simon... or at least someone sane enough not to shoot them on the spot.


	54. Chapter Two

Marilyn's chest tightened with anticipation. Their escape from the Hilltop had been relatively smooth that to have it all collapse once they thought they found refuge would be devastating.

It was too easy, she thought, there had to be something that went wrong.

The world stood still for several long seconds that felt like hours. All of nature's noises appeared to be blocked out from the thumping in Marilyn's eardrums.

"Please don't shoot," Marilyn begged. She moved to try to push past Negan but he easily stopped her and repositioned himself in front of her again.

"Get down on the ground," a man's voice demanded in the darkness. He took a few steps in their direction. "I will not fucking hesitate!"

Negan began to oblige but thought he recognized the voice. "Simon?"

There was a brief pause and then he responded. "Negan?"

"Yeah..." He let the word drag out and took a deep breath.

"No shit." The first few steps he took were cautious; slow, though he quickly let it registered that there was no threat there. "Both of you?"

"Yes," Negan and Marilyn said at the same time and then Simon came into view, sporting a wide grin beneath his mustache.

"Holy shit." The words came out just above a whisper and he bent down with a hand on his knee and laughed. "You actually fuckin' got him out of there." Simon pointed toward Marilyn with the shotgun.

"Easy with that thing," Negan told him with a half-grin.

Simon put the gun down and gave Negan a quick hug, patting his back several times in a row. "Holy shit," he said again. "Your lady's a fuckin' keeper. She planned all that shit."

"I know." He pulled her by the hand to him and tucked her under his arm.

"Is Nina okay?" Marilyn asked.

"Yeah." He nodded with a lingering grin. "She's inside. Probably freaking out because of all this." Simon laughed, "Let's go in before she pisses her pants... or comes out here waving a damn gun around."

"Crazy broads," Negan joked.

"Nothing's changed pal." Simon patted him on his back again and picked up the gun. They began to walk toward the front of the cabin. "Speaking of crazy broads, yours put a pistol in my face and demanded I bring her to the Hilltop to find you."

Negan looked down at her with a smile. "That's my girl."

"That's love brother." Simon smirked and led the way around the corner toward the small front porch.

"Simon?" Nina's loud whisper came as they approached.

"We have some surprise visitors," Simon said back. He made his way up the steps first and swung open the screen door.

"What?" Concern lingered in Nina's voice but it quickly diminished when Negan allowed Marilyn in just a step behind Simon. "Marilyn!"

Marilyn smiled wide and ran the few steps to where her friend stood just a few steps into the house. She threw her arms around her and the two of them hugged one another for several seconds. Nina was the first to shed tears.

"You're okay."

Marilyn nodded. "We're okay."

Nina let out a big sigh and hugged her harder. "You're a rock star." She lifted her eyes to meet Negan's who finally shoved the hood down and removed the baseball hat.

"Thanks for taking her," he said to Nina with a nod.

Nina nodded back, letting her appreciation for their wellbeing be known through her glistening eyes.

Simon closed the big, wooden door and locked it before positioning a chair under the doorknob. "This place ain't that fuckin' bad." He waved Negan with him. "I'll show you what we're working with."

Negan nodded and squeezed Marilyn's shoulder as he passed by, following Simon into the next room.

"Oh my gosh," Nina shook her head and looked at Marilyn in disbelief. "I cannot believe... how did you do it?"

"They had these underground tunnels." Marilyn felt a relieved tear roll down her face. "He was in this dark cell in a basement."

"Oh my God."

"I gained their trust. They let me start bringing him meals. They thought I hated him."

Nina let a slow smile spread across her face. "That's so romantic."

Marilyn paused and then began to laugh and hugged her again. "I'm so glad you guys are okay too."

"We've been doing what we can here."

"Do you still have the truck and all the supplies."

Nina nodded. "We had the truck in case any unwanted people came around. No one followed you did they?"

Marilyn shook her head. "No."

She took a deep breath. "I'm just glad you're both alright... and that Negan is alive."

"It was rough knowing he was down there when I was unable to do anything." She sighed. "But it was worth it. It all worked out."

"Simon's been keeping watch nights," Nina explained. "You need to sleep."

"Negan's been sleeping chained to a wall... on concrete." Marilyn reimagined the inside of the cell. "No blankets. Damp."

"Well you have a bed here... with clean sheets believe it or not. I've washed the ones we took from the Sanctuary and I'll make you up the second bed."

Marilyn couldn't deny that the sleep sounded almost euphoric. Better still, sleeping next to Negan again who was safe and back with his biggest allies was better than she could have imagined. It all felt like a dream.

"Come on," Nina waved Marilyn with her at the same time that Simon and Negan reappeared in the main room that was a combination of a living room and kitchen.

"Make these two up the other bed," Simon said, nodding his head. "I'm going to get back to my watch."

Negan held a hand out. "Thanks Simon."

"Hey... chapter two starts now." He smiled and clapped his hands together and then shook Negan's.

Nina smiled as Simon passed by. He reached for the gun and turned back to Negan.

"More catching up to do in the morning." Simon nodded at him. "You look like hell."

"Yeah, I feel like it too." Negan ran a hand through his messy hair and looked at Marilyn. "I'm fuckin' exhausted doll."

"I'll get the sheets," Nina volunteered. "Go get settled."

Marilyn followed Negan through the dark house and into an big, open room. In the corner we're wooden bunk beds, several twin beds and two larger beds that were either full or queen sized. Several candles flickered in corners of the room, providing the only lighting.

"Summer camp?" She wondered aloud.

Negan pointed toward the sheet-less bed. "I guess that's ours." He let out a yawn and Nina entered the room with her arms full of blankets and sheets.

Marilyn helped her set the biggest bed in the room and then hugged her again. "I cannot believe this is happening," she admitted. "I hope I don't wake up and this was all a dream."

"It's no fuckin' dream." Negan rested his hand on the back of her neck and massaged the area with his thumb and first two fingers.

"We're all kind of sharing a room," Nina informed them with a laugh. "You can get settled and I'll come back."

"Don't sweat that shit Nina." He peeled off his shirt, kicked his boots off and dropped his pants before slowly making his way under the covers of the bed the two of them had set.

Marilyn smiled and shrugged. "He's not shy." She managed a laugh prompting Nina to do the same.

Negan already had his eyes shut with his head on the pillow and they both looked over at him for a moment.

"Simon's okay out there by himself?" Marilyn asked.

"It's what we've been doing since we got here." She nodded. "He sits inside and moves from window to window every few minutes. If he needs us we're right here."

Marilyn nodded back. "Alright."

"Get some rest. The sun will probably be coming up soon."

The two of them hugged again and then Nina wandered to the other side of the room to her bed, blowing out a few of the candles along the way.

Marilyn kicked off her shoes and got herself comfortable before sliding in beside Negan. She couldn't wait to do what she had been craving since it was stripped from her so suddenly on the night Negan was hurt and captured - Marilyn slunk an arm around him, cradling herself as close to his body as possible.

Negan had already drifted off to sleep with his back to her and barely stirred when her arm snaked around his midsection.

Marilyn kissed the back of his shoulder several times in a row and linked her fingers through his. The last things she remembered hearing was Nina blowing out another candle and the sound of Negan's even breathing.

I hope this doesn't turn out to be a dream, Marilyn thought. She felt her eyes growing heavy and soon she drifted off to sleep.

Sent from my iPhone


	55. Emotion

Negan's eyes flickered open and for a second he had to contemplate where he was. The events of the night before suddenly rushed back to him as he took in his surroundings. The good night's sleep didn't leave him feeling as refreshed as he'd imagined, and as he sat up in bed he almost groaned as he reached for his neck that felt stiff and achy.

The room was empty and he glanced at the open spot in the bed next to him wondering where Marilyn was. Negan laid down flat again and rubbed his eyes. For a moment he just laid there taking in the silence and appreciating the comfort of the bed, a luxury he now knew he had taken advantage of after spending his nights in the concrete cell.

A pleasant scent he couldn't pinpoint circulated in the air around him and he assumed it was whatever Nina had used to wash the sheets and pillow cases. The logical and determined part of him wanted to get up and examine their surroundings. The reality was that Negan had no idea how safe they were, if they were even safe at all. Still, he had some promise in the fact that Simon and Nina had lasted as long as they had without being attacked - or so he thought. The exhausted part of him didn't want to move from where he laid. His body hurt, his neck was stiff and despite the unbroken sleep his eyes still felt heavy.

Negan ran both hands over his face and let out a sigh.

"Hey." Marilyn's voice broke the silence and he turned his head slowly as she entered the room.

"Hi." The word dragged out groggily and Negan cleared his throat.

"I didn't want to wake you up." She sat down on the edge of the bed and gave him a small smile.

"What time is it?"

"Twelve-thirty."

Negan's eyebrows pressed together and noted the stream of sun that filtered in through a pair of windows at the far end of the room. "I'd ask if it was twelve-thirty in the afternoon but that would be the dumbest fucking question I can think of. Holy shit." He rubbed eyes again with one hand and sat up half way. "I don't think I've ever slept that late in my life."

"Well I'd say you have good reason to," Marilyn told him. She ran a hand through his hair. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired as shit." Negan cleared his throat again, "And hungry."

She stood up abruptly. "Let me get you something to eat."

Negan reached for her arm and pulled her back toward him. "Thank you Marilyn. I..." He shook his head in search for the proper words.

Marilyn smiled and leaned in and touched her lips to his. "You don't have to say anything."

"Yes I do. And when I think of the right way to say it to properly fucking thank you then I will." He paused. "I love you."

"I love you too." Marilyn kissed him again. "I'll be right back with some food."

He winked and laid back down flat. The reality was he felt like he had been in a time warp - like the escape from the Hilltop, hot wiring the car and landing on the doorstep at some cabin out in God's country had all happened months ago. Negan hated the uncertain feeling that loomed over him. It wasn't a feeling he was used to - the lack of control. The only other times he felt that way were when his wife Lucille had been diagnosed with cancer and then again when the apocalyptic nature of the world began to unfold. Simultaneously, he felt lucky - lucky to be alive, lucky to have someone like Marilyn who loved him so much that she quite literally risked it all to save him.

Negan looked around the room again and then felt a wave of emotion wash over him. It was the same feeling that rushed through him when he saw Marilyn down in the cell for the first time. He didn't quite know how to handle it and hated the vulnerability that went hand in hand with such a deep emotion.

"It's such a weird collection of food," Marilyn said as she reentered the room with a plate. "Chips, four granola bars, dry cereal. I'll get a fire going in the fireplace and cook you some soup... or boil water for spaghetti."

The second Negan saw her face and the plate of food in her hands he shielded his eyes with one hand. As bad as he fought it he felt tears come in short sobs.

Marilyn's eyes widened and she set the plate down on a nightstand by the bed. "Hey..." She sat down beside him again and guided him against her body, cradling his head against her chest.

Negan wanted to stop but he couldn't. He continued to cover his face with one hand and wrapped the other arm around her.

"Marilyn if anything ever fuckin' happens to me..." He shook his head against her and continued to cry, unable to get the rest of the sentence out.

She closed her eyes when his grip tightened around her and he sobbed some more. Marilyn had witnessed many sides to Negan and thought she had seen everything he had to offer. The one or two tears he shed when she met him in the cell she assumed was all he was capable of. Now that he was letting it all it was almost too much for her to take in.

"I'm sorry." Marilyn rubbed his back and tried to fight back tears of her own.

"If anything happens I hope you know that I love you."

"Nothing is going to happen." She looked down at him and Negan still had a hand over his eyes. He'd never moved from the way he laid against her.

"I fucked up. I fucked shit up."

"No you didn't."

"And now you're fuckin' stuck here."

Marilyn brushed her fingers through his hair. "I can't even accurately tell you how happy I am to be here Negan."

"I should have made the barter deal sooner," he went on. "With Rick. Shit could be fuckin' different."

"We will make this work. The four of us are starting over."

"I fucked up," he said quietly.

Marilyn shook her head but didn't say anything. She hated seeing Negan so low. It made her heart ache for him, particularly knowing she could do nothing to make him feel differently about the situation. She wished there was something she could say. "I love you."

"You fuckin' came for me." He swallowed hard and took a breath.

"I knew you would do the same for me." Marilyn rested the side of her face down on the top of his head.

"Oh honey..." Negan took another decompressing breath and spoke quietly. "I love you. I need you to fuckin' know that shit."

"I do." She ran her hand up and down his back again. Marilyn sighed. "You should eat something."

Negan finally drew his hand away from his face and Marilyn felt the same hurt in her chest from before. His eyes were red and swollen and he looked up to her with a vulnerability that she had never seen him show to anyone else.

"I'm sorry all of this happened to you," she whispered. Tears fell from her eyes. "But I'm going to do whatever I can to help you rebuild what you lost."

"What we lost." He sat more upright and took in a longer breath, drawing the back of his hand across his eyes. "Fuck."

"Negan." Marilyn sniffed in once and turned her body to sit facing him. When he looked back at her she continued. "We're going to be okay."

Negan read her expression and could see she wanted nothing more than for him to agree. He knew it was the least he could do for all she had sacrificed for him. "I know doll." He managed a barely-there smile, tipping up the very corner of his mouth. Negan put a hand on the side of her face and gently pulled her to him and gave her a long kiss followed be a series of shorter ones.

Marilyn pulled him against her and hugged him hard. She closed her eyes and lightly gripped the back of his head when he relaxed against her. For several seconds neither of them said anything and then he pulled back and kissed her again.

She smiled and took his face in both of her hands. "Can I cook you something?"

Negan let out a sigh through his nose and then nodded.

"Okay." Marilyn kissed him again. She ran a hand through his hair again and he closed his eyes.

"I'm going to lay here for a few more minutes," he told her.

Marilyn reached for one of the granola bars and undid the package. She broke off a piece and slipped it into his mouth.

Negan smiled. "You're good at this motherly shit." He chewed the piece and then pulled her back to him to kiss her again. "Feel like spending the next couple hours here with me? I need my Marilyn fix."

She laughed. "I can do that." Marilyn brushed his hair back and kissed his forehead. "I'll be right back with your soup."

Negan kept an arm partially around her midsection, not wanting to let her go. Marilyn smiled again and he grinned. "Hurry back."


	56. I'm Sorry

Tara knocked on the door to Marilyn's trailer and waited. She glanced around the area, shading her eyes from the sun that was beating down on them. When there was no answer she knocked again and gave a shout.

"Marilyn?" Tara pushed herself onto her toes and tried to peek in through a small window in the door. After several minutes without response knocked a final time before heading away to recheck the gardens.

The Hilltop wasn't exactly an oversized community. When Marilyn didn't show up as she had every morning in the garden area, sometimes early, and she wasn't in her room then Tara wasn't exactly sure where to find her.

Maybe she went out with a group, she thought.

"Hey," Daryl approached from the main gates. "You find that girl?"

"I don't think she's in her room," Tara told him. She put her her hands on her hips and scanned the area. "She's always early at the gardens."

"Think she bailed?"

"What for?"

"She was one of them."

Tara shook her head. "I was one of them once too."

"Not these people." Daryl shook his head and looked around, wiping sweat from his forehead. "Something don't feel right."

"You don't think something happened to her do you?"

Daryl looked around again. "Like what?"

Tara shook her head. "I don't know."

"You feed the animal yet?"

"I don't know how it's become my job," she said with a small smile. "No, Jesus was taking lunch and dinner."

"Tara..." Maggie walked up toward them. "Was Marilyn in there?" She motioned to he row of trailers.

"She didn't answer when I knocked."

Daryl reiterated his previous statement. "Something ain't right."

"You don't think she'd hurt herself do you?" Maggie asked. She looked at Tara with widened eyes.

"I... I didn't think so." Tara sighed. "She seemed like a fighter to me. I know she's been through a lot but she was strong."

Maggie started walking toward the trailers. "Let's see if she's in there."

"You don't think..." Tara pondered the worst and then shook her head. "She wouldn't hurt herself."

The three of them headed toward the place that Marilyn had been calling home. After several more knocking attempts Daryl managed to get the door open.

Tara felt the anticipation gnawing at her stomach as the door opened and was relieved to find the room empty. Her eyes scanned the room and nothing appeared out of place at first glance. The bed was made, the small kitchen area was nearly spotless and a pair of sneakers were in the center of the floor. A half eaten protein bar was on the counter.

Daryl was the first to begin shuffling through things while Maggie visibly took in the surroundings.

"Daryl don't..." Tara let her voice trail off when he snatched a piece of paper from the bed.

"I'm sorry." He glanced down.

"What?" Tara and Maggie asked at the same time.

Daryl handed over the torn envelope with the short message. He put his hands on his hips and watched as they read the words.

"She left," Maggie suspected.

"Why?" Tara wondered. "She had a life with us."

"Why's a great question," Daryl said. "Why would she leave?"

Tara shook her head as she continued to look down at the note. For a moment the three of them just stood there though Maggie made the first move and headed toward the door.

"We'll look around some more," she said, heading out of the trailer.

Daryl glanced at Tara another moment and then waved her with him. "Come on." He threw an arm over her shoulders for a moment as they went as he saw she was visibly disappointed.

As the two of them walked back outside they saw that Maggie had begun running toward the main building where Jesus was waving his arms and shouting her name.

"What the hell..." Tara turned to Daryl who waved a hand.

"Come on." He took off after Maggie prompting Tara to do the same. Neither of them knew exactly what to expect once they arrived to the building but again the worst case scenarios ran through their minds.

Other members of the community stopped what they were doing and turned and looked toward Jesus. As they closed in on him Tara began to make out his words.

"He's gone!"

"Who?" Maggie shouted as she kept running.

"Negan! He's gone!"

"Gone?" Negan mumbled the word in a gravelly voice. He caught up with Maggie and Tara trailed after them as quickly as possible.

Jesus ducked back inside and everyone hurried in after him. The hallway was one big blur and it was impossible to say how someone didn't fall down the stairs into the basement.

"The door was open, shackle is just..." Jesus put his arms out and gave a big, dumbfounded shrug.

"How is the possible?" Maggie asked aloud.

"Who was last to feed him?" Daryl asked.

"I was," Tara admitted, "But he was locked up."

"Was he?"

"Daryl." Maggie looked at him.

"Yes," she replied adamantly.

"You locked this door?" Daryl wrapped his hand around one of the bars.

"I..." Tara took in a deep breath through her nose. "Marilyn did."

"She let him out."

"No," Tara shook her head.

"Then how-"

"He must have... I don't know threatened her." She shook her head. "No we put worms in his sandwich and she came back up. Everything was fine." Tara out a hand on her forehead. "Maggie she hated him. This isn't because of Marilyn."

"Maybe that's what the apology note was for," Maggie guessed. She looked into the empty cell with a hopeless expression.

"What apology note?" Jesus asked.

"Marilyn's missing," Maggie informed him.

Daryl pushed past everyone. "She let him out," he grumbled, "I'm going to Alexandria to talk to Rick."


	57. Thank You

"I've set up a few barriers that seem to be making it hard for the dead ones to get in," Simon pointed toward some barbed wire. "I ran out of the shit but it seems to be working. If we can box ourselves in over here the water can act like another barrier."

"Maybe we somehow demolish that first cabin over there," Negan motioned to one as they passed by. "Use the wood and shit to start."

"Same way we did before," Simon remembered with a grin.

"Yeah." Negan wasn't as enthusiastic but he attempted to be optimistic. He ran a hand over the stubble on his face and put his hands on his hips.

Simon stopped walking. "You think it's worth doing all this shit or-"

"Yeah it's a good fuckin' idea." He sighed a scratched the back of his head. "You guys have been surviving here alright?"

He nodded. "Yeah." Simon looked around the darkening atmosphere. "No one's showed here. Not yet anyway. Figured once we fuckin' get some stronger barriers up we'll be alright."

"You guys went back and got shit from one of the outposts?"

"Against Nina's requests," he laughed lightly, "But we loaded up some shit, whatever we could in the back of the truck. It's all stored in different places... the basement, closets, another cabin."

"Fuck Simon is this it?" Negan asked, "Is this where we're going to end up?"

"Shit, who knows." He folded his arms over his chest, "It ain't so bad once you get used to it. No one's bothered us," he reiterated.

"Yet." He let out a deep sigh through his nose, "Those fuckers know by now that I'm gone. They'll come looking."

"Why here?" Simon shook his head.

"Why not here?"

The two men stared at one another for a moment and then Negan shook his head. "Fuck it, I'm out of that shithole and we're all safe for now."

Simon gave a confident nod in his direction. "We know how to fuckin' survive."

Negan stared out toward the lake for a moment and then looked back to him. "Yeah. We do."

"Come on," he gave a nod, "The girls are making pasta or some shit."

"Hopefully not some shit," he joked dryly, beginning to walk toward the cabin that was barely visible in the darkness

Simon laughed lightly and followed him back.

When the entered Marilyn was pulling curtains across the windows in the kitchen area as Nina scooped a helping of spaghetti for each of them onto a plate.

"Smells good," Simon commented, strolling in a step behind Negan. He locked the door and put the chair wedged into the doorknob as he had the night before and then made his way toward the table where several small candles were burning. Remnants of logs in the fireplace still glowed red and stood out in the darkness and a pot sat just in front of it on the stone ledge.

"I have the drinks right over there," Nina used her elbow to point toward the countertop and Simon collected the four cans of soda.

"Thank you," Negan said to both of them and then greeted Marilyn with a kiss.

"Did you see everything out there that Simon and Nina set up?"

He nodded and kept her close for an extra second, kissing her forehead, before sitting down at the table beside her.

Nina smiled at Marilyn and motioned with her eyes toward Negan's arm on the back of her chair. They shared a smile when he subconsciously scooted a few inches closer to her.

"Well," Simon popped the top to his Diet Cola and extended his arm. "Here's to a new beginning."

"I'll drink to that." Nina followed him and then Marilyn nudged Negan, who reluctantly followed their lead and took turns tapping everyone's drink.

Marilyn put her hand on his knee, sensing he wasn't at all himself. When he glanced at her she flashed a small smile, one which he returned and then they began to eat.

"I'll take the watch tonight," Negan offered. He twirled his fork and took an oversized bite.

"No you've been through hell buddy," Simon said, "I got it."

"I slept half the fuckin' day," he mumbled with a mouthful of food. "I'm wide awake. I got it."

Simon didn't argue. He knew the tone of Negan's voice and if he insisted on doing something he knew it was best to oblige. "Alright."

"You guys did good," Negan said to him. "You really fuckin' laid out a recipe for success here." He nodded at Simon and Nina and then turned to Marilyn. "We have food, shelter and weapons. What the fuck else do we need right now, right?"

"Not a bad view either... with the lake," Marilyn teased.

"Lake is stocked with fish," Simon informed them.

"Contaminated?" Negan asked.

"Not the ones we've eaten."

"Good shit." He engulfed another few mouthfuls of spaghetti and began to shake his head when Marilyn tried to offer him some of hers. Negan put up a hand, his mouth still full of noodles. "Eat it."

"I can make more," Nina offered.

"No this is fine." Negan finally swallowed the bite.

"Take it," Marilyn offered.

Negan took a swig from the can of soda and then smiled and touched her face as he rose to his feet. "It's all yours honey."

"Where are you going?"

"To take a piss."

Marilyn snickered and smiled as he draped his hand across her back before he disappeared out the front door.

"Is he okay?" Nina asked quietly.

Simon intervened. "He's been locked up in a basement and we lost fuckin' everything. Of course he's not alright."

"He will be," Marilyn vowed. "We will be."

"We have to figure out a consistent food supply, secure some barriers and hope those pricks don't find us." Simon sighed. "We're going to need people." He thought for a moment. "I wonder what the hell happened to Arat."

For a moment they sat in silence before Simon finally put his hands over his face. "I'm glad I'm not the one staying up tonight," he admitted. "I'm exhausted."

"Go to bed," Marilyn told him. "I'll clean up."

Negan re-entered the cabin and secured the door.

"I'm turning in," Simon told him. He arched his neck from where he sat. "You sure you want to take watch?"

"Yeah," Negan said. "Go get some fuckin' sleep."

Marilyn glanced at the empty plates. "I got all this."

"Do you want some help?" Nina asked.

"Nope... the cook shouldn't have to clean." She began to gather the dishes and then handed Simon his half-empty can of soda.

"Thanks," he said with a yawn and then turned to Nina. "Coming?"

"Yeah." Nina looked at Marilyn who waved her on. "I've got it."

"Okay... thanks."

"Night." Simon shook hands with Negan and then disappeared into the other room with Nina.

Marilyn cleared the table and clean up the plates as best as she could. Negan toyed with a rifle that was perched in the corner of the room and then set it back down.

"Are you sure you don't want to rest?"

"Nah." He shook his head and glanced out the window. "I don't think I could fuckin' sleep right now if I tried." Negan turned back to her. "You should go get some sleep."

Marilyn hopped up onto the counter to sit and shook her head. "I'm getting on the same sleep schedule as you," she told him. "I already spent too much time away from you."

Negan looked her up and down and then crossed the room and kissed her. "Why do you love me?" He asked honestly. When he gently pushed the inner parts of her knees outward and stood in between them she smiled.

"I'm serious," he said, managing a grin back.

"Because you put me first above yourself, you listen to me, you're a strong man, you're not influenced by anyone. I can tell how much you care about me. You're smart... handsome... all of the above." Marilyn watched as his eyes studied her expression as she spoke to him.

Negan slid her a few inches toward him, grabbing her gently by the waist. "I needed to hear that shit." He sighed and closed his eyes when she kissed him again.

Marilyn couldn't keep herself from touching him in some way, as if she had taken the act for granted before. She drew a hand along his face and through his hair and then lightly locked her fingers as she rested her forearms against his upper back.

"I love you," Negan emphasized again. He touched his nose to hers as he spoke and kissed her in a needy fashion.

Marilyn kissed him back, the sensual nature of the situation leaving a chill down her back as he never attempted to take it any further. When his hands glided along the skin on her lower back she made the move and undid the button on his pants without opening her eyes or bringing her lips from his.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" He whispered against her lips.

Marilyn let her eyes flicker open but closed them again when he kissed her with the same sensual energy as before.

She didn't want to stop kissing him, but managed to get the word, "No," out as she carefully continued to free him from his pants.

Negan began to push down at the waistline of her shorts, prompting Marilyn to arch her hips to help him in his pursuit of her. When she felt her shorts slide off the end of her foot she pulled him back to her with one hand on the back of his neck.

He let out a deep exhale through his nose when her lips pressed against his again. Marilyn felt his hands tighten against her hips and then he pulled her to him, connecting the two of them.

Marilyn let out a quiet, appreciative sigh into his mouth as their lips parted and then tried to kiss him again but Negan pulled back just slightly.

"Say it," he said quietly.

Her eyes opened and she saw again that his were closed. "Say what?"

"That you fuckin' love me."

Marilyn drifted her hand from the back of his shoulder to his face and waited until he looked at her. "I love you."

"You know I would have done the same fuckin' thing for you right?" He asked, "If it was you stuck in that cell."

She nodded. "That's what I told Simon and Nina. I know Negan."

"You're the only person alive that fuckin' loves me. Everyone else wants to see me fuckin' dead."

Marilyn locked her feet together around his waist. "There are two people in the next room who don't want you dead."

Negan sighed and looked down. "I'm fuckin' killing the mood here." He looked back up. "I'm sorry."

Marilyn kissed him again, softly at first and then a little harder. When she felt him get back into the moment she said it again. "I love you Negan."

He moved his lips from hers, down her cheek and grazed her earlobe. "Thank you doll."

Marilyn shifted against him so they were face to face again and kissed him more urgently. When he finally started to carry on she whispered to him. "Say it back."

"I fuckin' love you," Negan told her without hesitation. He let out a deep breath into her mouth when she dug her fingers into his back. "I love you."


	58. Sweet Dreams

Rick sat in his hospital bed stewing over the news of Negan's escape. He didn't know who to be mad at - if he should have been mad at anyone at all. He was sure none of their people would purposely relieve Negan of the cell, and he had never met Marilyn, who's name had been thrown in all directions. A part of him wanted to have a long one-on-one chat with Tara, considering the others talked of her trust with the newcomer to the Hilltop, but Maggie had confirmed that she, too, had come to like Marilyn. Both women were not wholly convinced that she had let Negan free on her own will and believed that he either got a hold of her and wrestled the key from her hands or manipulated her in some form.

Daryl had got out on his own and again with Jesus in pursuit of Negan though had come back empty handed both times. Since then he had chosen to stay at Alexandria.

"Dad." Carl's voice intervened, cutting through Rick's thoughts.

"Yeah..." Rick cleared his throat as the word came out broken.

"We're going to find him," his son vowed, "And when we do I'm going to be the one to do it."

"Do what?"

"Kill him."

Rick didn't have a reaction to Carl's words. He knew how his son felt, and it was certainly justified from where he sat; but he didn't want Carl to be the one to kill Negan. He had been through enough and things had just gotten back on the right track.

"Did you hear me?" Carl asked, taking a step closer.

"Yeah," he said again. "Yeah, I heard you Carl but I don't want that."

" _I_ want that."

"I don't want it to become easy for you to kill someone... even... even him."

"Dad, it's already easy." He looked down at his father's casted leg. "He's done so much to us. He shattered your leg."

"It's not him I'm worried about. It's you."

"I'm a man, Dad."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"You're a teenager. I want this life for you here... inside these walls."

Carl paused before speaking. "Well, I want to see Negan dead. I won't go tonight, but I'm going out tomorrow with Daryl."

"No you're not."

He looked down at his father's leg and regretted the words that came out of his mouth next. "You can't stop me."

...

When Negan sat up in bed, sweat decorating his entire body he could still feel the shotgun barrels on the back of his head. It was Dwight this time - the man who had betrayed him and contributed to the downfall of the Sanctuary.

All of it was too real and the nightmare concocted in the depths of Negan's subconscious took place at the cabin this time. He was in the kitchen looking out the window at the back door and then the shotgun was pressed to his head. Dwight's angry, raspy voice was still fresh in his mind and accurate to what his former ally sounded like in real life.

Negan never saw his face, but he knew that it was Dwight. There wasn't a question. He didn't even know how he managed to get into the cabin without anyone knowing it but he was there. He was there ready and willing to pull the trigger that ended Negan's life and that's just what he did. The sound of the bang was what sent him sprawling up, sitting straight up in bed and looking around the room that glowed with the dim, early morning highlights.

"Shit," he whispered to himself and put a hand over his chest before swinging himself out of bed.

"Negan..." Marilyn stirred and stared at him with heavy eyes. "What's going on?"

"Go back to sleep," he told her quietly. "I'll be right back."

"Is everything okay?" Her eyes traveled over his shoulder and saw that Nina was snoring lightly in the bed across the room.

"Yeah." Negan leaned in and kissed her once. "I'll be back."

"Okay," she whispered and laid back down as he through on a pair of shorts and wandered into the kitchen where Simon now sat peering out the same window from Negan's dream. He jumped when realized someone else was in the room and then smiled with a light laugh.

"Shit, you startled me," Simon told him. "You just fuckin' went to sleep."

"Is everything alright?" Negan asked him. The dream felt far too real and he hated that he was allowing himself to be so affected by it.

"I think so." He glanced out the window again and his hand tightened on the rifle, "Why?"

He shook his head and looked around for something to drink. "Bad fuckin' dream." Negan sighed, "There any water laying around?"

Simon nodded and opened up a cabinet. "I figured Marilyn would have showed you the water supply. This is all the bottled water we saved from the outposts and the Sanctuary. It won't last forever, but it's a lot for right now. We've been boiling water from the pond too and no one's gotten sick yet." He raised his eyebrows. and tossed Negan a bottle.

"Thanks." He unscrewed the top and guzzled the entire bottle down in less than ten seconds.

"Want another?" Simon asked.

"Nah." Negan let out a long, decompressing sigh. "I'm good." He looked around the room.

"Everything's secure," his friend said again. "No worries brother. Get some rest."

The dampness of his skin gave him a fleeting chill and he turned back around and headed back to bed. The second he laid down Marilyn turned to face him, still keeping her eyes closed.

"Everything alright?" she asked again.

"Yeah." Negan sunk into the pillow and closed his eyes, pulling her toward him.

Marilyn draped an arm across his chest and snuggled her body against his.

He let out a sigh and ran a hand across his eyebrows before attempting to put the bad dream behind him.

"What happened?"

A half-smile formed on Negan's face and disappeared almost right away. He could see she wasn't going to let it go. "Bad dream."

Marilyn's eyes flickered open. She ran a hand along the scruff on his face. "You want to talk about it?"

He shook his head against the pillow. "No." Negan turned and looked at her. "Just a fuckin' dream."

"Okay." Marilyn brought her lips to his.

Negan kissed her back and wrapped his arms around her. When she draped her leg over his he hugged her knee up against his lower stomach and ran a hand up the back of her shorts. "You should get naked."

She laughed and opened her eyes again to look up at him. "If it'll make you have better dreams I will."

"It will." Negan smiled when he felt her maneuvering under the covers to slide her shorts off and rid herself of her t-shirt. He secured her tighter against him and traced his fingers up and down her bare back. "That's better."

Marilyn sighed contently and closed her eyes, tucking herself into the nook of where his arm met his chest. "What about you?"

"I'm too fuckin' shy," he joked, smiling to himself but never opening his eyes. "This is going to sound cheesy as shit... but I just want to fuckin' sleep with you like this."

"Mmm." She smiled and then laughed when she felt her knee graze the hard-on that was suppressed by his shorts. "Are you sure?"

Negan laughed. "No... but I think we'd wake your friend up over there... and I really am fuckin' tired."

Marilyn kept herself glued to his side and smiled again when she felt him run his fingers through her hair and kiss the top of her head. She kissed the top of his chest and reached a hand up blindly to caress his face before draping her arm back across his midsection. "Sweet dreams."


	59. Talk, Sleep, Think and Feel

Marilyn had always been superstitious. It was something that hadn't completely diminished since she had been a kid. So when she, too, woke up from an unpleasant nightmare her mind began to wander.

It was the walkers, Daryl and Tara this time. They had the cabin surrounded and somewhere in the distance there was someone on a megaphone demanding Negan's surrender. Despite all the noise they were making the walkers never attacked. It was as if their sole purpose was to help out the Hilltop and Alexandria people.

What bothered her the most was that Negan gave himself up so easily. She screamed and pleaded but nothing worked and she was left alone in the cabin. The walkers, the Hilltop people and Negan were all gone at once. There nothing but quiet and loneliness and emptiness.

Marilyn's eyes snapped open and she let out a deep breath when she took in her surroundings. Everything was okay; normal. The streaks of sun streamed in from the windows though the clock on the wall only indicated it was slightly after seven in the morning.

She felt a pain in her shoulder from laying in the same position and slowly turned so her back was to Negan.

Marilyn looked at the door that led into the room and tried to calm her nerves by focusing on the present. She knew how crazy the world was and even more so since the war took place that left the Sanctuary in shambles. There was certainly a rational reason why both she and Negan had nightmares one right after the other but her mind wandered and she began wondering what was a coincidence and what wasn't.

A bad omen, she thought. Marilyn quickly scolded herself for the thought and shook her head, encouraging herself to side with her rationale.

When Negan's arm slid across her bare chest and he cuddled himself behind her she jumped at first and then calmed down.

"Your heart's beating pretty fuckin' good there doll." His voice was quiet and scratchy.

Marilyn swallowed hard and covered his hand with hers but didn't say anything.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Bad dream."

"Must be a sexually transmitted nightmare disorder," he teased.

Marilyn laughed lightly, temporarily relieved of her night terror anxiety. She took in a deep breath. "It was here... Hilltop people, walkers, you... they took you back."

Negan let out a breath through his nose that landed on her shoulder. He pulled her tighter against him. "I'm right here."

"It felt so real... it sounded real. Tara's voice was exactly like it was in real life."

Negan kissed her shoulder once. "I had a dream about Dwight. Same thing with his voice. It sounded so fuckin' real."

"You don't think it's a bad omen do you?" Marilyn turned around to face him and Negan shook his head.

"I don't believe in that shit. We've been through a lot. It would be fuckin' odd if we didn't have nightmares."

"Yeah... yeah I know. You're right."

Negan kissed her. "You alright?"

"Yeah." Marilyn took a deep breath. "What if the four of us just get out of here completely... drive out of the state and just go until we find another group that doesn't know us."

"Well, there are good groups and bad groups out there. We would have to hope we fuckin' found the right kind."

"We aren't going to be able to stay here permanently," she suspected. "And if any one person from the Hilltop found us..." Marilyn shook her head. "There are only four of us." She swallowed hard and took another deep breath. "We should go... sooner than later we should just drive away."

Negan brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Must've been some fuckin' nightmare." He tipped the corner of his mouth up and smirked.

"I mean it." Marilyn shook her head. "Someone will find us eventually."

"The four of us can sit down and talk about it tonight over some more spaghetti," he told her. "Alright?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Maybe you're right." Negan ran his hand along the curve of her hip and gently pulled up at the back of her knee so her leg hugged up against him. "If we just fuckin' go and take our chances they may never find us."

"Right." Marilyn nodded, pleased to see that he was at least partially agreeing.

"But that also means taking our chances on the road... out there. Who knows what the fuck we'll run into."

"There's a lot to think about," she acknowledged.

"Yeah." Negan drifted his hand to her lower back and pulled her to him some more.

Marilyn wanted to talk about what they were going to do. She also wanted to sleep, as the couple of hours the two of them had gotten weren't nearly enough. Above all she wanted to escape their reality; forget about it for a while. Negan was the only person able to do that for her; when he touched her it was like a drug effect on her brain.

Negan let his fingers dance down her stomach and Marilyn closed her eyes as he reached the most sensitive parts of her. She wanted to relive their moments at the Sanctuary; she wanted to pretend that they were still there, still safe and things were okay.

When Marilyn felt his teeth gently latch onto her breast she suppressed a moan but let out a breath through her nose and ran a hand through his hair.

Negan trailed his lips up her neck until he crashed his lips against hers.

Marilyn tightened her leg around his hips, still laying on her side chest to chest with him and gave him permission with her eyes in a break in the heated moment to progress their intimacy.

Having sex with Negan made the rest of the world disappear. She knew the next day was never promised, particularly after what had happened at the Hilltop. It was why she allowed herself to forget it all for just a short time and relish in the high feeling that he only he could provide.

Marilyn loved knowing it was the same for him. It was something she could feel in the way he kissed her and held her. The way they were positioned was intimate in a way that allowed her to hug him to her, almost protectively, as he kept the pace controlled and sensual.

For a time life was gone. Marilyn closed her eyes and focused on the sound of Negan's breathing and the euphoric feelings that his body channeled through hers.

She convinced herself that it was fair to leave the nightmares and Tara and Dwight or whoever else on the back burner; to forget about all of it. After what Negan had been through and all the worry it caused her they were owed time to enjoy a fraction of their lives.

There would be time to talk, there would be time to sleep and there would always be time to think. What they both needed for a short while was a time to feel.


	60. Primal Instinct

Marilyn and Nina arrived back to the cabin and sat on the front step facing the lake after a long day of scavenging the camp grounds.

"God I miss the showers at the Sanctuary," Nina commented, wiping sweat from her forehead. "Baths are ok but it's not the same."

"We have to find a more stable place," Marilyn told her. "Away from here."

Nina nodded. "If this place had walls and running water it would be perfect. Boiling lake water for sponge baths is getting old."

"I wonder what the Sanctuary's like now." She rested her hand under her chin and leaned forward with her elbow against her knee.

Nina sighed an mirrored her position. The two of them sat side by side in silence for a moment before Marilyn turned to her.

"Thank you for going along with my plan to go get Negan. I mean you guys could have easily said no but you didn't."

Nina half-smiled. "You're my best friend Marilyn. Even in all of this mess we're here. We're stranded but we made it... the four of us."

"I put you guys in danger."

Nina shook her head. "This whole world is one, big constant pit of danger. I can't believe we found each other." She snickered. "I still think it's amazing that you pulled off a plan to save him."

"I know how shitty things are," Marilyn pointed out, "But on a positive note, how is everything going with Simon?"

"Girl talk... finally." She chuckled. "I can't believe we have a minute to spare to actually talk about something other than how to survive."

"Depressing isn't it?"

"A little," she admitted. "But it could be worse... we could be dead."

"Yeah." Marilyn yawned and stretched her hands above her head. "So... Simon."

Nina laughed lightly again and pulled her hair back in a ponytail. "Simon brings out the tough part of me. I take chances with him... good chances. And I feel safe when I'm with him. He'd do anything for everyone in our group." She shrugged. "I like him. We click... and he's kind of goofy funny."

"Good." Marilyn smiled and nodded. "We need all the silver linings we can get."

"Everything okay with Negan?"

She nodded again. "He's dealing with a lot. Everything he built is gone. It's taking its toll on him. He's feeling guilty and thinks he screwed everything up... he said he wanted a better life for me."

"He barely talked when we all ate together last night. I mean I only knew his public persona but I feel like that's really unlike him."

"It is." Marilyn smiled to herself as she thought about him. "The quips he would come up with..." She shook her head.

"God, you really love him." Nina grinned and Marilyn turned continuing to smile. "And the way he is around you... seeing it up close and personal it's pretty intense."

She laughed. "What do you mean?"

"It's a good thing. He always subconsciously pulls you closer to him, or puts an arm across the back of your chair. He's so... protective almost. It's like a primal instinct or something."

"I've never been so willing to give up everything for someone in my life. I wasn't scared to die going to the Hilltop. My only fear of dying was that it would mean I would never get in to rescue him. It's crazy, I know."

"Honestly Mar, to have something like that in a world a shitty as this is pretty powerful."

"Scary," Marilyn said with a sigh. "Things are bad enough. If I lost him now..." She shook her head, "I would just be dragging through life like one of those walkers. At least for a while."

Nina looked up at the peeks of sun as it streamed through the tree tops. "Do you think they'll be back soon?"

She arched her neck in an attempt to look around the corner of the house, "I hope so. Negan told me not to worry if they weren't back right away. He said by dark."

"We haven't seen tons of walkers in this area," she pointed out, "Here and there but I guess where there's no food supply for them there's no reason to be there. I wish we had walls."

"It's not bad here," Marilyn admitted, "But I still think we need to go. We're out in the open. If a big group came in and wanted to kidnap us, kill us, or take our stuff they could do it."

"Yeah... I know."

The two of them sat looking outward for a few minutes. "I don't know if it's peaceful or if the world just feels dead here." Marilyn scanned the lake. "It's like I'm waiting for a boat to go by with a waterskier or something but it's never going to happen."

"Don't think about it." Nina shook her head.

"Yeah." Marilyn leaned back on her hands. "It is pretty here."

Nina turned to look over her shoulder toward the left of the cabin upon hearing mumbled male voices. A moment later Simon and Negan rounded the corner - Simon with three fish in a bucket and Negan with bag of tools in one hand and a small charcoal grill in the other.

"And he said, I shall provide," Simon said with a grin.

Both Nina and Marilyn chuckled as they rose to their feet to greet them.

"Any issues out there?" Marilyn asked.

"Nope." Negan informed her simply. "Doesn't look like anyone stuck around to really scavenge these grounds here."

"Forgotten paradise," Simon joked.

"I wish there was a way to box ourselves in," Marilyn said to them.

"We can work on it," Negan told her. "Keep scavenging the area."

"Feel like fish for dinner ladies?" Simon asked, raising the bucket.

"I'll cook them if you clean them," Nina offered.

"What you don't want to gut the fish Nina?" Simon asked with a wink. "Or cut their heads off?"

"I'll cook," she offered again with a smile.

"Fair enough." He pulled her to him and gave her a kiss.

Negan set the grill down in between the cabin and the lake and then placed the tools on the stairs.

"Did you guys get a chance to talk?" Marilyn asked him quietly. "About relocating or anything?"

He nodded and waved her with him. "Simon," Negan said, "We'll be right back."

He gave a thumbs up and then Marilyn followed Negan around the side of the cabin. Almost immediately he pulled her into a hug and rested his chin on the top of her head.

"I don't think I've really taken the proper fuckin' time to process exactly what you did for me," he told her. "It's fucking incredible Marilyn. I don't know how you did what you did but I'm fucking grateful for what you did. You are a strong, brave person and more selfless than anyone I've met in this life." Negan paused. "I could go on but I'd end up sounding like a fucking idiot because I'm not good at saying shit like this."

"I think that came out just fine," Marilyn told him with a smile.

"I mean it. I can't even begin to imagine everything you went through... to figure out where I was, to find the fuckin' tunnels..." Negan shook his head. "And just to have the fuckin' balls to come bust me out of that shithole in the first place." He let out a sigh. "You're fucking unbelievable."

"Love will make you do anything," she said honestly. "I love you more than I love myself."

"Honestly... for the first fucking time I love somebody more than I love myself. I'm selfish fuckin' dick but there is nothing I wouldn't do to protect you." Negan scratched the back of his head. "That's why I'm so fuckin' pissed that I didn't take the barter deal with Rick. Things could be fuckin' different... for you; for both of us."

"You're alive, I'm alive." Marilyn pushed herself up onto her toes and kissed him. "That's all that matters right now. We'll find a way to survive and deal with the rest."

"You have that much fuckin' faith in my still?"

"I never lost it." She kissed him again.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Negan hugged her close again and they stood there silently for a moment.

"Come on," he said finally and reached for her hand with a wink. "Let's get you something to eat.


	61. What Would You Do

Simon and Nina traced the grounds of the camping area until they arrived at the set of signs at the fork in the road.

Nina imagines families arriving during the summer months to go camping, canoeing and fishing. She trailed a finger across the carved out letters.

"We never went down that way," she motioned with her head to the right and glanced at the directions on the big, wooden sign. "We should go look. I bet there's something down at this beach area that we could use."

"We should probably let the two of them know." Simon looked over his shoulder down the dirt road they had just walked.

"Well how far can it be? I mean we haven't found much today out here. This area is bone dry now."

He looked around the woods spotting a walker zoning in on them from road that led to the main entrance.

"Fuck it." Simon shook his head. "Let's head down there."

* * *

"We can play a game of fuckin' tennis." Negan removed an old racket from a big wooden box littered with random sports equipment, oars and other miscellaneous items. The two of them stood in the center of a pavilion in the middle of the woods.

"You any good?" Marilyn smiled at him and accepted the racquet from his hand.

"I was more of a fuckin ping pong guy," he told her with a grin, eying a broken paddle in the bottom of the box.

"Well I was a pretty good tennis player."

"Oh yeah?"

Marilyn nodded and smiled at him as he continued to grin at her. "You seem like you're in a better mood."

Negan shrugged. "Just making fuckin' due for now." He reached down into the box and grabbed the ping pong paddle, peeling away at the red rubber on the exterior of it. "If we find a table to play a few rounds we'll make this fuckin' camp ground work."

She laughed lightly. "So this was your thing then huh?"

"I liked to play," Negan told her, "Ping pong, pool... whatever."

"Funny you seemed like a chess club kind of guy." When he turned to her with a look Marilyn chuckled.

"I can play a mean game of chess." He laughed lightly back.

Marilyn set the tennis racquet down on a flimsy, fold-up table beside the bin and put her hands on her hips. "I don't see many things in here that are going to be useful. She motioned to a small stage, "We can take a look."

"What play do you think they put on?" Negan asked her, "The Lion King? Jersey Boys?"

"A Broadway guy?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't live under a rock prior to the outbreak honey." He winked, "But before you ask, no I never went to a fuckin' play."

"Your wife never wanted to go?"

Negan looked at her and then shrugged. "I don't know." He paused, "Never brought it up to me."

"Was she a sports fan?"

He cleared his throat and took a deep breath, taken a little off-guard.

"Never mind," Marilyn shook her head, "I'm sorry. You don't have to-"

"It's okay." Negan gave a small smile and flipped the paddle in his hand. "She, uh... I was always coaching one thing or another. Football was probably the fuckin' worst for her." He snickered to himself and scratched his forehead as he thought. "I mean I don't think she hated it but from early September to the end of November she was at the field every fuckin' Friday night. I never had time really to take her out during those months... not much anyway."

"She went to all the games?"

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat again. "Yeah."

Marilyn smiled at the thought. "Sounds like she really loved you."

"Yeah." Negan nodded. He peeled at the rubber again. "She did."

"I'm not trying to pry," she told him. "I'm just curious."

"I know." He took a few steps and reached for her, running a hand through her hair.

Marilyn saw a far away look in his eyes and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"You don't have to answer all of my questions, ya know."

Negan shook his head. "I have nothing to fuckin' hide."

Marilyn smiled appreciatively and he kissed her again.

"Let's check out the set on stage," he said to her, "Maybe we can convince Simon to eat some wax fruit or some shit."

She laughed and looked down as he reached for her hand. The two of them wandered toward the stage, taking the small set of stairs to the area that had little to hide.

"I don't think we're going to find fuckin' much," Negan pointed out, looking around. He towed her with him to a dark corner of the stage off to the right. There was a thin, wooden door and he reached for the handle. When it didn't open he kicked in the door with ease, sending it to the floor. "Get back." He lightly pushed her behind him when he heard a loud, distinct growling sound. When the walker didn't immediately lunge at the two of them he hesitated before glancing around the corner into the room.

"What?" Marilyn asked when he didn't immediately enter. She glanced over his shoulder into a small office with a single window that provided enough light to illuminate the room.

"Fucker offed himself." He motioned with his head toward the ceiling in the far corner of the oversized office where a walker hung with its arms outstretched. He sported a light blue polo shirt with the word COUNSELLOR printed on the corner of the chest and khaki pants to match and tennis shoes. The pants were oddly still new looking though the rest of him had deteriorated.

"I wonder how long he's been here."

"Who the fuck knows." Negan looked around and found, ironically, a wooden baseball bat with a fake Reggie Jackson signature inked onto the barrel in the corner of the room. He reached for it and approached the hanging walker before turning to look at Marilyn. "If you want to turn around..."

Marilyn shrugged. "I've seen it all."

Negan turned back to face the walker and took a hard cut at his head like a child would a piñata. At the same time the body dropped and the head split open like a cantaloupe, making a mess of the far wall.

He stepped back and looked around. "That was fuckin' gross."

Marilyn chuckled and then looked at the body that had slumped to the floor. "Poor guy needed to be put out of his misery."

Negan made his way to a desk with a computer monitor on it and rifled through the drawers. "Rosters with kids names... a fuckin' stapler." He shook his head. "Mc-fuckin'-Donald's wrapper."

"McDonalds..." Marilyn let herself fantasize for a moment. "I loved dipping the McNuggets into a milkshake."

Negan chuckled as he continued to shuffle through the desk drawers. "What would you fuckin' give up for a milkshake right now?"

She squatted down by a set of cabinets. "Anything."

"No really." Negan pulled open a drawer filled with paperclips, pens, pencils and other office items. "Search your mind for the limit. What would you give up?"

"For one shake?"

"Yeah," Negan said, getting amusement from the little game. "Just one."

"Hmm..." Marilyn smiled. "I'd give up the smallest finger on my left hand." She opened the cabinets and grinned. "What would you give up for some whiskey?"

"My left nut," he joked and then turned when he heard the sound of a cork sliding out of the top of a bottle.

Marilyn rose to her feet with a nearly full bottle with the name Monkey Shoulder written across the front in one hand. She twirled the cork with her fingers in the other.

Negan stopped what he was doing and smiled wide.

"You're going to have to give up more than just the left one to get this from me," Marilyn teased him.

Negan let out a loud laugh. "Well now that it's right in front of me... I'm willing to change my wager."

"To what?" She purposely held the bottle slightly behind her and stared playfully into his eyes.

"I'll give you both of them... and my dick."

Despite Marilyn's distaste for the liquor she took a swig from the bottle and then smiled wide at him.

Negan crossed the room and picked her up, sitting her down in top of the cabinet and making her laugh. He glanced at the bottle still in her hand and nodded with his head. "I thought you didn't like that shit."

"I don't," Marilyn admitted, still smiling.

Negan studied her expression with a wide grin and then stepped back and dropped his pants.

Marilyn raised her eyebrows and looked down. She laughed when he waved for her to hand him the bottle.

"I didn't say I accepted your offer," she joked.

Negan placed his hands on either side of her where she sat. He moved his face close to hers. "Please."

Marilyn decided to tease him. "The bottle's a little bigger," she whispered, making him laugh against her lips.

"I'll give you a better buzz," he said, moving his lips to her ear before pulling back to kiss her with playful enthusiasm.

Marilyn kissed him back and then placed the bottle down. "Okay," she took a quick breath. "Deal."

Negan kissed her again and then reached for the liquor bottle. He took a long swig and then a deep breath before Marilyn pulled his lips back to hers. The two of them kissed for a moment before he began pawing at her clothing.

"Well..." he took a deep breath and helped her throw her shirt up over head. "I still get to fuck you." Negan kissed her, "And now we have liquor. So I guess shit isn't so fuckin' bad."

"And there's mac and cheese in the cabinet," she breathed out the sentence with a laugh.

"This is turning into a good day."

Marilyn nodded in agreement. She knew he would get a kick out of her next sentence. "Fuck yeah it is."

Negan laughed into the kiss again. "Fuck yeah."


	62. Let's Get Lost

**I made another "trailer" for the second half of this story. If anyone wants to check it out go to YouTube dot com / watch?v=joGXudvr2LU**

* * *

Negan laid on his back on the stage running his hand through Marilyn's hair.

"I don't know how productive this day was." She lifted her head from the center of his chest and kissed him.

"Sometimes you have to just live in the fuckin' moment." Negan grinned and adjusted her so she laid completely on top of him.

"We may have to use this place in the future when we want a little privacy."

Negan laughed and turned his head to face the big, empty room. "Imagine if there was an audience."

Marilyn laughed with him.

"You'd win the Oscar for sure," he turned back to her with a wide grin and Marilyn continued to laugh as she kissed him again.

"No an Oscar is for an actress," she brushed his hair back. "And I wasn't faking anything."

"Mmm..." Negan guided her face back down to his and kissed her several times in a row. "Good to know." He let his hand run the length of her back and trailed his lips down her neck.

Marilyn closed her eyes and let out a breath through her nose. She smiled when he gently kissed the tops of her breasts.

"We should probably head back," he said with much reluctance. Negan laid his head down flat on the wooden floor and rested his hands behind his head.

Marilyn sighed, not wholly ready to go back. "Do you think Simon and Nina are back?"

"Probably." He cleared his throat and reached for the box of macaroni and cheese they found. "We're on dinner duty."

Marilyn took the box from him and stared at the back to read the food label aimlessly. She placed it back down next to the Reggie Jackson bat that Negan insisted on keeping and then brought her lips slowly back to his.

Negan began to laugh but kissed her back and wrapped his arms around her. "You're a bad fuckin' influence."

"You bring it out of me," she whispered and kissed him harder.

Negan laughed again. "Alright... but I'm blaming you when we get back."

She kissed him once more and pushed back off his chest so she sat up straddling him. "I can live with that."

He looked her up and down. "I hit the fuckin' jackpot with you honey." Negan smiled. "You're hot as shit, you're a good woman who's not afraid to be a little fuckin' bad, you're brave enough to take on a whole fuckin' colony for me..." he chuckled and rested his hands behind his head again. "Shit... Simon and Nina can fuckin' fend for themselves for a little while longer."

When he motioned her toward him with his first two fingers Marilyn smiled and leaned back down to kiss him.

"Think they'll believe we got lost?" She asked.

Negan laughed again against her lips. "Aren't we?"

Marilyn moaned into his kiss as a response and smiled before getting lost deeper into the moment.

* * *

Negan carried the baseball bat in one hand and had his arm draped over Marilyn's shoulders with the bottle of whiskey as they walked alongside the lake toward the cabin.

Marilyn held up the box of macaroni and slipped her other hand into his back pocket. "We aren't coming back empty handed."

He laughed. "Be prepared for some good old fashioned shit talking."

"Simon?"

"Well I'm not fuckin' talking about Nina." Negan chuckled to himself. "Me and Simon don't sit around and giggle about these things like the two of you fuckin' do."

Marilyn laughed and looked up at him. "We don't giggle."

"You're fuckin' giggling now just thinking about it." He smiled when she continued to laugh and then separated himself when they approached the front steps to the cabin. "After you doll."

Marilyn kept a smile on her face and headed up the stairs ahead of him, entering through the front door. She stopped just a step inside and felt Negan attach his hand to her waist.

"Are they here?" She asked quietly, taking in the pitch black interior.

Negan listened a moment hearing just the sound of the floor creaking as he shifted his weight. "Simon?" He shouted and the two of them stood still.

Marilyn took a breath and then turned to him.

He made eye contact with her in the darkness and then grabbed her hand and walked a step ahead.

"Simon!" Negan shouted more forcefully now but there was no response. With a deep breath he made his way deeper into the kitchen and reached for a flashlight on the counter.

"You think they're alright right?" Marilyn asked, worry in her voice.

Negan shined the light around. "Nothing's fuckin' missing." He towed her with him toward the big, open bedroom and found it vacant.

"Do you think they went looking for us?"

"I don't know." He swallowed hard but took a deep breath and looked at Marilyn. "They we're going to scale the right side when we did the left." Negan shifted his eyes as he thought. "We just fuckin' got back so who's to say they aren't out still collecting shit."

"Hopefully." Marilyn couldn't hide the angst in he voice. "What if... what if they're in trouble."

"They didn't bring any fuckin' flashlights." Negan shined his light on the remaining ones in the corner of the room. "So I doubt they've been back." He let his eyebrows rise and fall. "Maybe they're doing what we were doing."

"Maybe." She sighed. "Should we go look for them?"

Negan looked around the room again. "They might be on their fuckin' way back here now." He crinkled his nose and scratched the back of his head, "Or they might fuckin' not be."

"We should go look for them," Marilyn urged, "If they're on their way back then they'll get here. If they're out looking for us then they'll get here too. If they're in trouble..." She shrugged.

He felt for the gun on his hip and then crossed the living room and grabbed the rifle he and Simon had been using during their shifts to guard the house at night. "What do you have on you?"

"I have two pistols and a knife," Marilyn informed him.

Negan handed her the baseball bat. "Think of it as a fuckin' tennis racquet." He winked but could see she was shaken up from the absence of Nina and Simon. "I'm sure they're fine."

"Yeah I know." She nodded with a sigh and accepted a quick kiss that she knew Negan was using to try to make her feel better.

"Let's head out the way they were going," he said, nodding toward the door.

"You think they're alright?"

"Yeah," Negan said right away. His eyes landed on the baseball hat Marilyn had taken to disguise him and he quickly threw it on, tucking it down low over his eyes. "Ready?"

Marilyn nodded and gave an extra look to the baseball hat.

"We're okay," he said again, keeping her eyes locked to his. "Alright?"

She could see he was really trying to keep her optimistic and so she nodded and took his hand.

Negan nudged her and managed a small smile. "We're going to be laughing about this shit later."


	63. Kings and Queens

Negan and Marilyn walked side by side, weapons in hand, as they headed through the darkened camping area.

"Where exactly did they go?" Marilyn asked quietly. She attempted to look in all directions at once.

"Do you remember those signs when we first drove up? The ones with all the directions... camping this way, fuckin' canoeing or some shit the other way."

"At the fork," she remembered with a nod, "Yeah."

"We're to the right of the fork, the two of them went left."

Marilyn let out a deep exhale through her nose and nodded. "Okay."

Negan glanced off toward the trees to the left of them as they headed down the dirt road past the car that he'd hotwired to get the two of them there. As they passed he tapped the hood of the car with his hand and smiled at Marilyn. "Old faithful."

She managed a grin back. "That was a close call."

"Nothing my baby couldn't handle." Negan tucked her under his arm and kissed her temple. "I fuckin' love you," he said enthusiastically.

Marilyn couldn't help but smile wider, forgetting that they were walking through the woods in search of their potentially lost friends. "I love you so much Negan." She shook her head with a sigh and he kissed her forehead again as they walked.

"I know you do doll."

She looked ahead down the dark road. "I hope they're okay."

Negan separated himself from her for a moment upon hearing a walker nearby that closed in on them. "Hang on." He waved a hand. "Let me see the bat."

Marilyn handed it over and watched as he walked just a few steps off the beaten path to connect the barrel to the side of the walker's head, cursing out loud as a second appeared and then he stepped back and looked down at his hands and clothing.

"Are you alright?" she asked him.

Negan hurried back over to her, "Didn't get any fuckin' guts on me." He smirked and looked at the bloody end of the bat and then handed it back to her.

Marilyn smiled. "This place is growing on me."

"I wouldn't mind fuckin' staying but there ain't shit here," he told her, "And the shit we do have is going to run out. We're running this place dry."

"Maybe Simon and Nina found something." She took a deep breath, "I hope..."

Negan saw her glance out toward the woods with worried eyes. "We just fuckin' got back," he reminded her, "They could be the complete other way looking for us."

"Isn't Simon tired?" Marilyn went on, "This is usually about the time he goes to sleep with his shifts keeping watch."

He chuckled. "Simon used to stay up sometimes for twenty-four hours at a time if he needed to."

"He did?"

"Yeah." Negan smirked and then chuckled to himself. "Not everyone was as fuckin' pampered at the Sanctuary as you were." He glanced over to her as she let her eyes widened and jaw drop. Before she could so much as plead her case he laughed a little louder, "I'm fuckin' kidding honey."

"I didn't-"

Negan continued to laugh and cut her off. "Marilyn I'm just fuckin' joking."

"Was I..." Marilyn made a face, humbled by his words.

"I made sure from the second I fuckin' saw you interacting with people the way you did that you were taken care of."

"When was that?"

Negan grinned. "It wasn't long after you arrived. You caught my eye right away and then I saw how you interacted with everyone." He nodded to himself and looked around the area before falling back into the memory. "You could've asked for fuckin' anything and I would have given it to you."

Marilyn smiled and looked down for a moment, almost giggling to herself. She looked up at Negan when she felt his finger begin to kneed the muscles of her neck.

"I'm fuckin' serious."

"What about the other women?" she didn't want to ask. "Why'd you keep them around?"

Negan smiled but looked away. "I... I don't fuckin' know. I was fucked up after Lucille. A part of me as a younger man wanted to fuck a lot of women." He shrugged, "It's fucked up, I know. But when I started fucking you..." Negan shrugged again, making her laugh a little louder.

"That was it huh?" she asked and then added with much sarcasm, "My incredible lovin'?"

He laughed again. "Shit, I had me wrapped around your finger before that and you didn't even know it. But after that first night... fuck honey you could've taken over the damn place."

Marilyn laughed a little louder. "Yeah?"

"You were more or less the queen of that fuckin' place. And we all know the king does whatever the queen wants."

"Is that right?"

"Hey, you kept us down at that building tonight for an extra half hour."

"More like an extra five or ten minutes." Marilyn smiled when he gave her a look and a smirk to accompany it.

"Is that all that fuckin' was?"

"I'm just teasing." She leaned in toward him and Negan kissed her once on the lips. His eyes landed on the set of signs at the fork in the road and he nodded toward them.

"Here we go." Negan shined the flashlight on them, "If they're still out here they're this way."

"I wish we still had the radios."

"Can't." He shook his head.

"I know."

Negan clicked the flashlight back off, "Don't want anyone identifying our position if they're in the area."

"Yeah." Marilyn felt her heart rate rise just slightly.

"Come on," he waved her down the dirt road in search of the unknown. "I'll butter you back up with stories of how I fuckin' feel about you."

"Is it just to butter me up?" she asked with a small smile.

Negan looked her in the eye. "Do you even have to fuckin' ask?" he brushed her hair back. "Here I am now, I should be fuckin' on my toes looking out for potential assholes and I'm thinking about the time I first fuckin' laid eyes on you, the first time I fucked you... everything we just did tonight down at that place and now I have a hard-on because I'm really fuckin' thinking about it." He laughed to himself, "Does that answer your question?"

Marilyn flashed a guilty smile. "This fallen woman is dragging you down."

He laughed, "Just the opposite honey... you're making me fuckin' high and it's hard for me to fuckin' focus on the bad shit now. I was feeling bad about shit a few days ago but for God's sake woman you just fuckin' cured me." When he scooped her up off the ground she laughed out loud, almost screaming as he twirled her around and then set her back down on her feet.

Marilyn felt the world disappear again and she reached for him in the darkness and left a long, meaningful kiss on his lips.

"Hey!" A voice shouted in the darkness making both of them jump, reaching for their weapons. "Shit I'm going to get shot doing that." Simon put up his hands and Nina stepped in beside him.

"Simon what the fuck?" Negan asked, steadying his breath. "Where the hell have you been?"

He glanced back at Nina, who shared a smile with him before he waved an arm at the two of them. "Silver linings."

"Silver linings?" Marilyn asked.

"Yeah," Simon nodded, "And fuckin' lots of them."

"Gold linings," Nina reiterated, wrapping an arm around Simon's chest from behind. She rested her chin on his shoulder as he continued to smile wide.

"What she said," he gave another head nod, this time in her direction.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Negan asked, "You're cheesing like a kid in a fuckin' candy store."

Simon and Nina made brief eye contact, still sporting smiles. "Come with us," he told them.


	64. Gold

**There was a glitch with Fanfiction and no updates were sent for some of the previous chapters. If anyone wants to check out "trailer" #2 for this story it's at youtube dot com /watch?v=joGXudvr2LU &t=63s**

Negan and Simon seemed to take killing the random walkers that the four of them came across for sport.

Regardless of the way they did away with them with ease Marilyn still got the slightest twinge of fear that one of the undead might lunge in on Negan. His confidence, however, could not be mistaken as he didn't miss a step as he connected with their heads each time like a sick game of whack-a-mole.

"This shit better be fuckin' good," Negan told him.

Simon smiled. "Spent the whole day moving shit around, killing off the undead in the area."

Nina ran a hand through her hair and held up a few strands to Marilyn's face. "What's my hair smell like?"

"Apple maybe..." Marilyn grinned. "Did you find shampoo?"

She shrugged but gave a grin.

Marilyn had to ask. "What exactly did you guys find?"

* * *

Simon stood by a tall white fence and unlatched a rusty, black hinge to open the door that led into a patio area accompanied by an oversized dwelling that stayed true to the woodsy design of the cabins and other structures around.

Negan and Marilyn looked around, taking it all in for a moment.

"We killed off the undead that were scattered around in here," Simon explained. "Have to secure that lock better but its fenced in."

"Wait until you see what's inside," Nina added enthusiastically.

Negan nodded his head toward a set of doors even with the ground that were perched under and overhanging porch.

Simon led the way, flinging open the set of French doors that led into the first floor. Right away Negan and Marilyn could tell it was a big open room.

"You're going to love what you see here," Simon told him.

Negan clicked on his flashlight and let the beam stream over everything in the immediate area. "How the fuck is this still so neat?"

"We spent all day down here," he explained and then nodded toward the back left corner, "Check it out." Simon pointed and Negan shined the light.

"What is it?" Marilyn asked.

A small smile spread on Negan's face. "A fuckin' pool table."

"That's just the tip of the fuckin' iceberg," Simon explained and then glanced at Nina. "Light some of them candles honey."

Nina nodded and proceeded to feel her way along the wall, coming to the first set of candles they'd set up. "What about the generator?" she asked.

"It's hooked up, not running."

"Generator?" Negan and Marilyn asked at the same time.

"There's a generator we found down in the basement... works." Simon nodded, "I'm sure it's got limited potential but I figured we can hook it up when necessary."

"How is all this shit still here?" Negan wondered aloud, taking in the rest of the room. As Nina continued to light the stream of candles, each corner of the room became more visible. There were couches and a living room area that combined with a big kitchen and what looked like a snack bar beside the pool table. The whole first floor was open and spacious.

"Everyone must've just bailed," Simon guessed. "We straightened up the place a little." He waved them toward him, "Come take a look at the mother load."

Marilyn trailed behind Negan as the three of them passed through a doorway that led into an oversized pantry.

"Door was locked but we jimmied it open." He nodded with a grin and looked directly at Negan as his eyes scanned the shelves and open cabinets.

"Holy fuckin' shit." He smirked and took in the large inventory of food that ranged from spaghetti to soup to pasta sauce to bags of candy and cans of soda that appeared endless.

"Wow." Marilyn's jaw dropped. "How is this possible..." She shook her head in disbelief.

"I don't know," Simon said with a chuckle, "My guess is that everyone panicked and no one ever came back."

"This is a shit ton of food." Negan finally managed a wider smile and looked at Simon. "You weren't fuckin' kidding. How did we not come across this sooner?"

"I say we stay here. We have a fence that borders the fuckin' place. No one's come down here. We can stay awhile."

"Did Nina take a shower?" Marilyn couldn't help but ask. "Her hair-"

"I'll turn the generator on if you want," Simon cut her off. "Shower upstairs." He held out his hands, showing off his extra clean fingernails. "Nina even cleaned it up and shit. This is an untapped resource." Simon nodded adamantly to himself and then looked back at Negan, "We just hit the lottery."

Negan looked to Marilyn and they shared a smile. "And here we thought we did a good job finding a bottle of whiskey and some mac and cheese." She laughed lightly and nodded.

Simon reached up into a cabinet and pulled down a box of Craft macaroni. "If that's what you want here it is." He began to laugh to himself and put his hands out to the sides. "Who the fuck is better than us right now?"

Nina joined the three of them in pantry and smiled at Marilyn. "Can you believe this?"

"No," Marilyn admitted with another laugh and a smile. She put a hand on her forehead. "Almost overwhelming."

"Curtains are pulled," Nina informed them, "Candles are lit. If you're hungry I'll whip up something to eat while you two take a shower."

"And then I'm going to bed if it's alright with everyone." Simon looked to Negan for a sense of approval.

"Shit... do whatever the fuck you want. This is in-fuckin-believable."

Simon tossed him the box of macaroni and cheese. "Cheers buddy."

Negan caught it and smirked, passing the box on to Marilyn.

"I'll show you guys upstairs," Nina offered, "And then I'll get cooking."

"Thanks Nina," Marilyn couldn't refrain from hugging her friend. "This is so great."

"I'll hit the basement and turn on the generator," Simon offered.

"I wouldn't turn on any lights," Negan said, "Don't want some asshole seeing it if anyone's around."

Simon nodded in agreement and then headed back out into the main room.

Nina led the way out of the pantry toward another open doorway that led down a short hallway to a staircase as Negan shined the flashlight over her shoulder.

"I left candles scattered around upstairs too," Nina explained, "There aren't a ton but I think at least enough so you can see where you're going."

When they reached the second floor she pointed toward a bathroom, "There are towels in the closet in there... some were neatly folded, a little dusty but not bad."

"Life of luxury," Marilyn joked as the two of them trailed her a little farther down the hall.

"We put some stuff in this room," Nina pointed and then turned to Negan, "Simon figured you would want the bigger room." She smiled and shrugged making him laugh. Nina motioned to another half open door and looked at Marilyn now, "Balcony over looking the water." She winked, making her friend laugh.

"This all seems too good to be true."

"Knock on wood," Negan said, tapping his knuckles against the wooden door. Marilyn followed suit and the two of them looked around the room. "This'll definitely fuckin' do." He nodded as Nina lit a stray candle on the small nightstand.

A loud rumble made the three of them jump but Nina put a hand on her chest with a grin. "Generator."

"This is great," Marilyn said again, still in awe over what they had discovered.

"There's soap, shampoo and, wait for it... conditioner already in the shower."

Marilyn let out a sigh of approval. "I don't think I have the words."

Nina grinned and hurried into the bathroom to provide some illumination there, as well. "I'll make us some macaroni." She looked back and forth between the two of them. "Enjoy."

"You make a great fuckin' hostess," Negan joked as she whisked out of the room.

"I try." Nina smiled at him and then hurried toward the stairs.

Marilyn looked at Negan. "Does this feel too good to be true to you?"

"Yeah," he admitted, throwing back the curtain and twirling the knob in the center of the shower. When running water washed out of it he snickered to himself and pulled the level to make the showerhead spout out water. "But Simon's got a plausible fuckin' theory. Everyone must've panicked... left... never came back. If no one's really been here then maybe we'll be safe for awhile."

She decided to stay optimistic and realized that the assumptions they were coming to were probably true; they had to be. "Yeah... it makes sense."

"Take off your clothes," he said with a smile as he removed his shirt and closed the door.

"You're not done with me yet?" Marilyn teased.

"Not even fuckin' close."

She laughed and peeled off her clothing before stepping into the shower a second ahead of him. When the feel of the warm water hit her body for the first time she closed her eyes and let out a sigh. "Oh wow."

Negan stepped in behind her and wrapped an arm around her as he decorated her shoulder with kisses. He then reached for the soap that Nina had left out and drew it across Marilyn's upper back.

"Mmm... this is a great way to end a day," she told him.

Negan kneaded his thumbs in her back and massaged the soap against her skin.

Marilyn kept her eyes closed and took in several deep breaths as he proceeded to hit every part of her body that he could reach, teasing her at times with subtle movements of his hands and making her grin to herself in the process. She wiped the water away from her eyes and then turned to him as he was ready with the bottle of shampoo.

"Thank you," she said.

Negan watched the beads of water as they traveled the length of her body while she washed her hair and then her face.

"This feels so good," Marilyn admitted. "I hope this part lasts."

"Mmm-hmm." Negan swallowed hard when she turned her attention to his chest.

"My turn." She grinned and began to lather up his upper body, purposely paying extra attention to the lowest part of his stomach.

"I trust you to go lower," he told her with a smile.

Marilyn laughed and proceeded with his request, immediately making his eyes close and his body tense and twitch. "How's that?"

Negan let out a deep exhale through his nose and she smirked to herself when she saw the Adam's apple in his throat rise and fall. When she stopped and grabbed the shampoo bottle again he moaned let his eyes flicker open again.

"Let me wash your hair first." Marilyn looked him in the eye and smiled, bringing out Negan's dimples as she shook his head. She squirted the shampoo in her hand and then soaped up his thick, dark hair.

"Everything you do feels fuckin' great." Negan's eyes were closed again and he allowed her to have her way with him.

"That's the idea."

"Can we just fuck all night tonight?" he asked, making her laugh a little harder.

"If you can handle it." Marilyn continued to run her hands through his hair, soaping him up as best as she could.

"I'll try to keep up," he joked.

"Keep _it_ up?"

Negan opened his eyes just slightly, anticipating a sting from the shampoo as it crept toward his forehead. He looked down. "That won't be a fuckin' problem." He smiled and closed his eyes again as she lifted the showerhead away from the wall and washed the soap from his hair and the rest of his body. When she turned to set it back down Negan reached for her and hugged her from behind again.

Marilyn sunk into the warmth of his body from the water and linked her fingers with his across her stomach.

Negan put his lips to her ear and whispered. "I don't tell you enough how much I fuckin' need you."

"Yes you do," she said back, closing her eyes.

"Even before we found all this," he went on, "Today was the best fuckin' day I've had since you got me out."

His breath landed on the base of her neck and Marilyn attempted to arch her neck around to give kiss him. When she couldn't reach him she turned and immediately brought her lips to his. "Good," she told him, "I'm glad."

Negan kissed her a little harder and held her body firmly to his. "I don't want to go downstairs," he admitted.

"Mmm... me either." Marilyn let the water continue to run down her back.

"What if we eat fast..." He kissed her on the lips again and then began to pay attention to her neck, "And then you let me have my way with you."

She laughed against his lips and trailed her fingers purposely slow down his stomach again. "I think we need that... you need that."

"You don't?" Negan asked, sighing as she dropped her hand below waist.

"I do," Marilyn told him. She opened her eyes to take in his expression as he relished in every touch. He touched his nose to hers and connected their lips again before Marilyn finally let him go, "We need to get something to eat."

"No we don't."

She laughed and then whispered. "And then I'll let you..." She hesitated before phrasing the next part in his terms, "...fuck me all night."

Negan opened his eyes, meeting her gaze in the dim lighting. "Deal."

"Silver linings." Marilyn smiled.

"Gold." He kissed her firmly again. "Definitely fuckin' gold."


	65. Search Parties

Michonne helped Rick as he attempted to walk with a makeshift brace that had otherwise had him laid up in bed since his leg had been snapped by Negan in the fight that had led to his captivity.

"How could this have hapApened?" he asked, shaking his head.

"What?" she stopped and looked at him. "Negan?"

"He disappeared without a trace." Rick sat back down and let his leg drape across the couch in the house they shared.

"He's out there somewhere."

"Daryl, Maggie... Carl." Rick sighed and looked out the window. "They've all been on search parties looking for him."

"I know it's hard," Michonne agreed, "But if he's on the run he won't have the means to hurt us. The Sanctuary is vacant."

"That's not the point."

"I know." She nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "But right now things are good. We're living again."

"He needs to be locked up Michonne." Rick looked her in the eyes. "Or dead."

"I agree... but how many resources are we going to waste looking for him?" When he didn't answer she went on. "Rick if he's in the area we'll find him."

"And if he's not?"

"Then it's just not meant to be." Michonne looked at him with soft eyes. "We got our lives back."

"Yeah... so did he." Rick looked out the window and sighed to himself. "Where the hell is he?"

* * *

Daryl kicked away a stray walk in frustration as he, Carl and Tara scaled the woods in search of Negan and Marilyn. A glow from the early morning sun began to emerge over the area as their group, yet again, came up empty handed.

"She never said nothing about going anywhere?" Daryl asked, looking at Tara. "Never mentioned any place at all?"

Tara shook her head, equally frustrated from their findings, or lack thereof. "No." She twisted the point of a knife against the tip of her index finger.

"I was awake the night they escaped," Carl said, shaking his head. "I could've stopped it."

"They could be anywhere," Tara commented, "It's been too long. We would have found _something_ by now."

"Nah..." Daryl shook his head, "They didn't have a vehicle."

"Who knows what they had."

"It was a calculated plan," Carl said, "They could've had a car on the outside waiting somewhere."

"I'm still not convinced-" Tara began but Daryl cut her off.

"What that the girl was involved?" he scoffed and then kicked another rock, "They ran off together. She bailed him out."

"She played us," Carl added looking at Tara.

"I don't trust nobody from that side," Daryl went on.

"She was a good worker," Tara defended. "And I was on the other side once."

"Yeah but you didn't help no Governor escape did you? Didn't save his life, did you? Didn't-"

"Okay!" She shouted, putting her hands up, "Okay, fine, I screwed up."

Daryl looked down and then back up at her. "He's around," he told the two of them with certainty. "Might've been a calculated plan but there weren't no cars that we didn't confiscate from the Sanctuary... the working ones anyway."

"You really think they're still in the area?" Carl asked.

"Where are they going to go on foot?"

Tara sighed, "You really think they couldn't have possibly had a getaway car?" She leaned up against a tree, shaking her head, "This whole search is a waste of time... and gasoline."

"It's not a waste," Carl disagreed, "Negan needs to die for what he did."

"Even if that means we run out of supplies?" Tara asked him, "Or one of us dies?" She shook her head again, "No... no I've had it with losing people. We have a life with the three communities now. We're thriving, we're getting along and growing food. No one is going hungry."

"Don't forget about the ones we've lost so quickly," he shot back.

"Forget?" She let out a huff of a laugh but wasn't amused, "I lost people who I loved. Denise... Glenn... Abraham. I want to do them honor by living well and doing my part to create a better world - a world we have again because Negan is gone."

"And what if he comes back?" Carl challenged again, "What then? What if he gets up enough of his guys, or has enough already, and they're planning something right now as we speak?"

Tara shook her head, "You're delusional."

"Look don't take it out on me because you screwed up and it led to Negan getting free."

"What?" She straightened up, "It's not my fault that he's gone. We all trusted Marilyn."

"I didn't," Daryl said, prompting her to whip her head in his direction.

"Le'ts just turn on each other out here then and point fingers." She shook her head, "We all know who Maggie could've pointed a finger at and she didn't."

"You got something to say?" He raised his voice.

"Stop!" Carl shouted, intervening. "Just... stop." He took a breath, "This isn't getting us anywhere. No one purposely did anything for this to happen. We just... we need to work together and find him."

Daryl took a breath and backed down, "We have to come up with a better plan to find him. Any tracks I could've used are gone. Walking through the woods ain't doing nothing but..." He shrugged and shook his head.

The three of them stood in silence taking in the empty wooded area that was accompanied by the occasional chirp of a bug or bird that was rising with the start of the next day.

"Anyone have a map of the area?" Daryl asked.

"We should," Carl replied.

"Need to check off where we've been and search where we haven't been. Maybe pinpoint areas where there might be refuge and hit those places first."

The two of them nodded in agreement and then another bout of silence followed until Tara finally broke it.

"I'm sorry," she said to him, "I didn't mean..."

"Forget it." He waved them on, "Let's get back to the Hilltop... see if we can come up with some other plan to find this asshole."


	66. Close Quarters

Marilyn awoke to the sound of thunder and sat up in bed. She initially thought the loud bang was gunfire, but an additional crack through the sky and a flash of lightening let her know that it was just the weather.

Negan laid on his stomach beside her snoring so loud that she didn't know how she hadn't been awoken sooner. She found a level of contentment in knowing he was sleeping so soundly but looked around the big, unfamiliar room toward a window that remained half open with a screen to separate them from the outside world.

The sky was a dark gray but Marilyn knew it was only mid-day after she and Negan had taken the night watch, hence not falling asleep until the morning's earliest hours.

She quietly tossed the covers off and paced the room to throw on her clothes. Another loud bang in the sky made her jump and she glanced at Negan again who didn't stir in his sleep.

Marilyn swallowed hard and walked toward a sliding door that led to the balcony area. She scanned the lake with her eyes and then saw Simon with an axe chopping wood out just inside the fencing.

He could get struck by lightning, she thought. Marilyn sighed and continued getting dressed before making her way out of the room, careful not to wake Negan.

The house was darkened from the stormy atmosphere outside. For a moment Marilyn thought of the hurricane, smiling to herself for a moment as she thought of her first night spent in Negan's room, but simultaneously nervous of the type of damage that the storm had caused. She told herself it was just a thunderstorm and continued on through the house toward the stairs.

The aroma of cinnamon and sugar filled the lower level and when Marilyn reached the end of the staircase she saw Nina sitting at a stool at a little breakfast bar with a blue bowl in front of her.

"Well that smells amazing." Marilyn subconsciously put a hand on her stomach and cleared her throat.

Nina grinned and scooped a mouthful of food. "Oatmeal... maple brown sugar."

"What time is it?"

"Late afternoon." She held out a spoonful of oatmeal and Marilyn reached for it.

"Simon better watch out with the storm out there." Marilyn took a bite, "Oh, that's good."

"I heard that line a few times last night coming from your room." Nina began to laugh when Marilyn gave her a look.

"What?"

She cleared her throat. "Well... our rooms do share a wall."

Marilyn felt her face grow a shade darker and Nina continued to laugh.

"You two are great at multitasking, I must say." Nina scooped up another bite.

"Multitasking?"

"Keeping watch and having ravenous sex."

"Was it that bad?" If it were anyone other than Nina, Marilyn would have been twice as embarrassed.

"Bad?" Nina shook her head, "Sounded all good to me."

"Did Simon hear anything?"

When she laughed as a response Marilyn put a hand on her forehead and then shook her head.

"How many times did you guys do the deed? We were trying to guess."

"Tell me you're joking."

"I'm not." Nina made a face as if to say _I'm sorry._ When she didn't respond Nina put a hand out and took another bite before passing the bowl to her. "So..."

"What?" Marilyn couldn't deny the bowl of oatmeal and began to eat.

"Fill me in. I won't tell Simon."

Marilyn smiled and then let out a little laugh. She decided to give in and indulge in talking with her friend for a moment. "In my life, I've never had a day like yesterday in terms of... that."

"Explain." She smiled wide and a loud clap of thunder sounded off again.

"Simon better be careful outside."

Nina raised her eyebrows and waved a hand, encouraging her to go on.

"We found this little closed in pavilion type of place before we found you guys." Marilyn cleared her throat and briefly looked over her shoulder. "Twice there. Three more last night."

"Is that physically possible? Don't get ppregnant."

"Jesus Nina, knock on wood... " She forced her to do it with her eyes. "Negan doesn't think he's able to have kids anyway."

"What really?"

Marilyn shrugged. "It came up once."

"Well on a subject change, he's a very appreciative lover."

Marilyn laughed. "What do you mean?"

"Well he's who we heard." Nina reached for the bowl and took a bite and then struggled to chew while she attempted not to laugh. "Hey, maybe it's the storm," she went on, "Isn't that when you lost your Negan virginity?"

Marilyn laughed out loud a little harder. "Where do you come up with this?"

Nina tapped herself in the temple. "Right here."

"Well what about you?"

The door opened across the room and Simon burst in, prompting Nina to look back at Marilyn. "No time."

"You girls think you can help me carry this wood inside?" Simon asked, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.

"Yeah," Nina hopped down and Marilyn nodded.

"Let me just get some shoes on." She hurried across the room, tossed on some sneakers and then made her way outdoors with Simon and Nina.

"It's definitely going to rain," Marilyn pointed out. She glanced up into the dark gray sky as her hair whipped in all directions from the wind.

"It's going to downpour," Simon corrected. "Any fuckin' minute."

Each of them took an armful of the wood Simon had split and headed back inside, making several trips until most of it was stacked inside by a fireplace in the main room.

"We should close the curtains too," Simon added, closing the door as he trailed them inside a final time. "Never know who's going to show up."

Marilyn knew he was right but his words gave her a chill and she immediately began to twirl the blinds and pull the shades, darkening the interior even more.

The sound of the wind whistled outside and shook the window pane.

"Buckle down for Hurricane Simon," he teased. "Damn it smells good in here."

"Hurricane?" Marilyn asked him.

"I'm just fuckin' kidding." Simon headed for the pantry and Nina shrugged.

"Where's Negan?" She asked.

"Sleeping." Marilyn glanced down the short hall that led to the stairs. "I'm going to check on him."

"Should I tell Simon to put on his earmuffs?" Nina covered her ears and laughed again.

Marilyn looked around the room and reached for a small hand towel on the table and through it at her.

"I'm just jealous," Nina whispered loudly. "You guys are so hot for each other."

"Aren't you and Simon?"

"He's cool, like I said... but you guys have this spark. It's like watching a soap opera up close."

"That sounds promising." Marilyn laughed.

"Honey come cook me this?" Simon asked.

"Be right there," she called in and then shrugged at Marilyn. "It's the least I can do. He's been out chopping wood since he woke up."

Marilyn smiled and headed toward the stairs as Nina went to help Simon.

When she reached the top floor she carefully made her way into the bedroom, though despite her tiptoeing tactics, Negan stirred this time and barely opened his eyes when she walked in.

"Hey," she whispered.

Negan closed his eyes and hugged Marilyn's pillow to his bare chest. "Where'd you go?" He asked in a gravelly voice without clearing his throat.

"Thunder woke me up. I had some oatmeal with Nina and then helped them carry in wood that Simon chopped up." She continued to look at him adoringly as he laid there with his eyes closed. "It's going to storm."

"Stuck inside anyway." He let out a breath through his nose. "No reason to go out there."

Marilyn kicked off her shoes and sat down on her side of the bed. "You can't have kids right?" After she asked she knew how bold the words came out.

Negan opened his eyes, "Huh?"

"You said once you didn't think you could have kids."

"Yeah..." He put a hand on her knee as she sat with her legs folded next to him. "What you don't think you're... I don't even want to say the word."

"No," Marilyn said immediately. "No, I was just talking to Nina and we got to talking that's all."

"When women talk it's rarely good for a man," he teased with a smile.

She sighed and then leaned down and kissed his forehead.

Negan urged her toward him and Marilyn slunk beneath the covers with her back to his chest,, allowing him to cuddle her against him. "Why'd you leave me?"

Marilyn loved the rare occasions when Negan showed her his needy side. She knew it was the one part of him that he would _never_ show to anyone else, and for that she felt complicated.

"I didn't want to wake you up if I was tossing and turning... and then I smelled the brown sugar oatmeal that Nina had."

Negan laughed and kissed the back of her shoulder over her shirt. "Food over your man."

"No." A short laugh rippled through her.

"Lay with me for a few more minutes."

"Okay." Marilyn closed her eyes, embracing the warmth of his body against hers under the covers. She thought of the weather, of Nina and Simon, of the hurricane at the Sanctuary, of the cell, of the afternoon and night she shared with Negan, of the fork in the road, the old cabin and the taste of the oatmeal that still lingered on her tastebuds. Before she knew it Negan was snoring again and she felt herself slipping into a mid-day slumber as the four of them prepared for a stormy night in their new dwelling.

She knew they had to be ready for their night shift that she was sure was rapidly approaching. Marilyn assumed no one would be out in such impending torrential weather but she knew they would have to be ready, really ready, to keep their eyes open for anyone or anything that would try to strip them of their findings; of their new beginnings.

Between the four of them Marilyn felt a genuine confidence. Negan was her rock, quite literally the love of her life and she knew he would do anything to protect her ; Nina was her best friend with the ability to make her laugh and make the world feel normal even if just for a moment; Simon was a true allie and had stuck his own neck out to allow Marilyn to carry out her plan and save Negan; he and Nina had found a place of refuge and food that would last them for a long while.

The last thought Marilyn remembered having before she finally fell back to sleep was, we're strong... no one will take away this second chance from us.


	67. Beam of Light

The rain continued to pour in the midnight hour and Marilyn sat on the balcony that extended from their bedroom and overlook the lake and some woods. Negan patrolled the opposite side of the house, sitting low on the first level in a rocking chair with a gun. Every so often he checked in with Marilyn only to make his way back to the other side, or making his rounds to assure all sides were covered.

"Stay put here," he had told her, a request she obliged despite wanting to go see him when boredom sank in.

Marilyn leaned her arms on the railing listening to the rain that hammered down on the overhanging roof just a few feet above her head. She stared out toward the lake and wondered what was out there. What animals? Walkers? People? Was there anything at all?

She told herself not to let her mind wander. Thinking too much about the past or the future often felt depresssing mainly because there were no longer any certainties. Marilyn knew even the next minute, hour, day... none of them were promised.

Staying up nights was beginning to become routine. She didn't mind it. The world had begun to stand still at night. Walkers were scarce in the area, people were even less and almost nothing stirred.

Could he peaceful or depressing, she told herself and then shook off the thought and stuck with peaceful.

For a moment Marilyn allowed her mind to run s bit and she thought of the people of the Hilltop. She wondered what they were doing; if they were still looking. She hoped not.

Likewise, the night they escaped was a bit of a blur as it all happened so fast. Marilyn didn't have her normal concept of time and she wasn't wholly sure how long it look them to drive from the parking lot near the Hilltop to the campground.

"Hey." Negan's voice interrupted her thoughts as pushed the curtain aside and slunk out onto the balcony. He set his rifle down against the siding of the house.

"Hey." Marilyn smiled at him.

"These nights get a little long huh?"

She shrugged. "I don't mind it."

"Chsnge of pace from our old life."

"Big change," Marilyn agreed.

"I don't mind the quiet... I mean who the fuck would right?" Negan leaned his elbows on the railing and looked outward. "I think I just got used to fuckin' battling for so long that I don't know how to feel about the calm."

"Yeah." She sighed.

For a moment the two of them stood side by side in mirrored positions staring at the lake and the woods. The rain was soothing as it continued to pour all around them.

"This is just a passing storm you think?" Marilyn asked. "No hurricane this time?"

"Just a little fuckin' rain." He smiled briefly and then scanned the area with his eyes again. "Nobody should be out looking for shit in a storm like this."

"You would think." Marilyn looked from side to side. "Do you think they're still looking for you?"

"Rick and the gang?" He joked with a wider grin. "Knowing them... fuck yeah they are. Rick doesn't know how to let shit go. Not in his nature."

She gave a look of disapproval prompting him to begin rubbing the back of her neck. "Don't think about it honey."

"These late nights give me time to think."

Negan put his lips against her ear as he spoke quietly. "That's why I've been romancing the shit out of you at night."

Marilyn laughed and turned to him. "That's the first time I've heard anyone put it like that."

"Yeah, well I know you don't like it when I say fuck in those terms." He smirked.

"Why do you say that?"

Negan continued grinning and shrugged. "I can just fuckin' tell." He kissed her, "So I'll try to watch my mouth."

Marilyn scrunched her nose playfully, keeping her face close to his. "Don't clean it up too much. Your dirty mouth is a part of your charm."

He chuckled again and kissed her a few times in a row before pulling back.

"Don't leave," she urged with another laugh.

Negan shook his head and toyed with her hair. "Why?"

"Because..."

"I have to keep watch of the other side doll." Negan kissed her again. "Maybe I'll come back in a little bit and we can take a fuckin' lunch break."

Marilyn kept his body against hers, not wholly ready to let him go. He leaned in and kissed her again making Marilyn's eyes close for a moment. When she reopened them she pulled back abruptly causing Negan to press his eyebrows together.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Marilyn pointed over his shoulder. "Look!"

Negan turned and glanced outward through the heavy falling rain. He squinted but saw a light in the distance.

"it's on the other side of the lake." She whispered now. "It looks like a flashlight."

He swallowed hard and reached for his gun. "Yeah... I'd say that's exactly what it is."

"Do you think it's them?"

Negan reached for her hand and towed her back inside, through their room and into the next one where Simon and Nina slept.

"Simon," he said aloud, causing the two of them to sit up abruptly in bed.

"What?" He shouted the word, shaken from the way they had burst into he room. Before Negan could say another word Simon was on his feet. "What's going on?"

"Someone's across the fucking lake."

"How do you-"

"Flashlight."

Marilyn hurried to the window in their room and could barely make out the faint light in the darkness but it was still there. She tapped her finger on the glass. "Look."

Simon rushed to the window with Nina at his heels. Negan slowly trailed and the four of them peered through the storm toward the mystery light out in the far distance.

"Who the hell would be out in this?" Nina asked aloud to no one in particular.

"People who are on a fuckin' mission," Simon replied. He turned to Negan. "We got any candles burning?"

"One in our room." Marilyn pushed by them all and went to blow it out.

"Anyone comes in here we don't hesitate or ask questions," Negan ordered.

Simon nodded adamantly and nudged Nina. "You got that?"

"Yeah." She took a deep breath and then Marilyn rounded back into the room.

"Everyone stay away from open windows," Negan went on. "We don't know if they have fuckin' binoculars or rifles with fuckin' scopes. Fuck we just have to keep an eye out."

"Everyone take a room?" Simon asked, "Get on this place from all angles."

"And undercover," Negan added, "That means behind curtains looking or. Stay armed."

Marilyn looked at him and he nodded confidently at her.

"It'll be okay."

She wanted to believe him but knew none of them could be sure of who was out there or what their intentions were. They would just have to wait it out hoping for the best... and preparing for the worst.


	68. Allies & Enemies

The night was tense and long as the four of them remained on alert from the presence of another. The light across the lake had remained visible for some time before it finally went away; disappearing from view and leaving everyone wondering who the person might have been, what they wanted and if they would return.

Negan hadn't left his position by the bedroom window throughout the remainder of the night and more or less ordered Simon back to sleep when nothing came of the light. Still, he remained in between two curtains, the baseball hat pulled down low and staring outward past the body of water. The only saving grace for the time was the fact that the lake was positioned in between them. What Negan feared the most was the break of daylight revealing their home, the stranger noticing it and their positions ultimately being compromised.

Marilyn had moved from room to room, spending a half hour in one place before moving to another before finding herself back in the room where Negan still sat with unmatched patience. From what she could tell he hadn't even adjusted his eyes, not wanting to blink in case he were to miss something.

"You should get a little sleep honey," he said to her as she crossed through the threshold, though he still never turned to look at her.

"I'm okay."

Negan cleared his throat and finally glanced in her direction. "I mean it. Who knows what's going to fuckin' happen when the sun comes up. We may have to defend this place... or get the fuck out of dodge."

"Or the person may have just been passing through and moved on by now."

"It's possible... but there's no need to prepare for that. We have to prepare for an attack - and for that we all have to be fuckin' rested; mentally sharp. That's why I sent those two back to fuckin' bed."

"What about you? In a couple hours you and I would be going to sleep after being up keeping watch all night."

"That's why I want you to lay low now in case we can't later."

"What about you?" Marilyn asked him again, raising her eyebrows.

"I'm wide awake."

"So am I." Unwillingly she felt a yawn creep up on her and she put her hand over her mouth.

"Wide awake my ass." Negan tipped his mouth up in a smirk and called her toward him. "You need to try to sleep. Really."

Marilyn sighed and crossed the room. "I've been trying to watch the back of the house." She took off the hat and ran a hand through his hair. "Should we stay or go Negan?"

"Where would we go?" He draped an arm around her waist and pulled her body against his as he sat.

"I don't know," Marilyn admitted. "But we know that if anyone from one of those three communities finds you that they would be out to kill or capture you. At least on the road we would get a fresh start."

Negan let out a deep breath. "They probably have areas staked off if they're out looking. We're tucked away from shit here."

"Until someone stumbles on it."

Negan looked up at her. "Maybe one day we go... a day when they stop looking."

"We don't even know when that will be."

"You're right." He cleared his threat. "It's stable here. We have food and shelter. I doubt anyone would send a fuckin' army this way so even if one or two assholes try to investigate we can get of them before they have a chance to go back to whatever group they belong to. Plus we have home field advantage."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Negan nodded, "No one would know for sure that anyone's even fuckin' here. They come in, we're waiting and that's fucking that."

Marilyn pulled curtain back just slightly and looked out. "Yeah... you're right."

"We need the stability and the hiding right now honey." He pulled up her shirt and kissed her stomach several times in a row before Marilyn sunk down onto his lap.

Negan hugged her to him and kissed her forehead next. "You did good spotting that light," he said quietly.

"I hope it's nothing." She toyed with his hair again.

"I'm sure they couldn't see shit," he pointed out. "Between the darkness and the storm."

"Maybe it was someone left over from the Sanctuary."

"Could be."

Marilyn went on, seemingly trying to convince herself. "I mean why would Rick's people be out in weather like that?"

"I fuckin' doubt they would... not for a wild goose chase."

"Right?"

"Yeah." Negan looked at her more directly.

"What?" Marilyn pushed his hair back again as he continued to stare up at her.

"You could have bailed on me," Negan said. "We weren't together for all that long when shit hit the fan."

Marilyn shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she did. "I couldn't have left you..." She continued to shake her head. "I love you Negan."

"I know doll." He gently ran his thumb across the side of her face. "I just feel guilty as fuck for pulling you into this mess with me."

"Don't. You didn't pull me anywhere. Where you go, I go. You jump, I jump." Marilyn felt a rush of emotion looking into his eyes as he continued to stare at her in the darkness. When she failed to go out and her eyes grew glassy he wiped a tear that fell.

"Why are you crying?" He asked her.

Marilyn swallowed hard and took in a deep breath that sounded deafening in the still nature of their surroundings. She took a moment to let the emotional feeling pass. "I don't want this to end."

"It's not going to end."

Marilyn motioned with her hand to the window. "What if that ends up being a huge problem?"

"It could," Negan agreed, "But it probably won't. And this works is full of problem after fuckin' problem." He ran his hand along her cheek again and Marilyn raised her eyes to meet his. "Honey if you only fuckin' knew the types of shit I was doing every day, every fuckin' week to keep the Sanctuary going you would have lost your shit." Negan managed a smile but wasn't able to draw one from Marilyn. "We'll get through whatever shit comes out way. If that means going we go, if that means staying we stay."

"Okay." Marilyn nodded at him.

Negan looked her in the eye and then shook his head. "This isn't going to end Marilyn."

"I try not to think about all the possibilities." She took another deep breath as a second round of tears accompanied her words, "But, uh..." Marilyn's voice was shaky and steady all at once. "It must just be the time I have to think on these nights. I just get going with worse-case scenarios and now there's someone in the woods."

Negan tightened his arms around her. She kissed her cheek and keep his lips against her as he spoke. "We're going to be alright. I won't let all of your work and sacrifice go to waste."

"My work and sacrifice?" She sniffled in and dried her eyes as she pulled back to look at him. "You worked and sacrificed everything for my safety at the Sanctuary."

"Well after your rescue mission at the Hilltop I'd say you topped me." Negan winked, making her smile once as she looked down to hide her lingering tears. He kissed the top of her head. "Don't cry honey."

Marilyn composed herself with another deep breath. "I'm sorry." She looked at him and then left a long, closed-mouth kiss on his lips.

Negan kissed her a second time and then toyed with her hair. He nodded toward their bed. "Get some sleep." When he could see it wasn't what she wanted he pulled the card he knew she would go for, "For me." When Negan touched her face he felt her cave as she leaned in and kissed him another time.

"That's not exactly fair," Marilyn whispered, smiling a little wider now.

"I know." He kissed her a little firmer.

"When will Simon be up?"

"Soon," Negan explained, "And then I'll join you if we don't have an issue."

"Okay." Marilyn went to stand up but Negan pulled her back to him and kissed her again.

"Thank you for sticking by me. You have no fuckin' idea what that shit means to me."

"Don't look so surprised."

He cleared his throat. "I'm not. You'd just be justified to get away from me."

Marilyn shook her head. "If you keep talking this way I'll go against your wishes and stay up the rest of the time with you." When Negan smiled she decided to push a little farther to jokingly get under his skin, "Since you want to get rid of me by sending me off to bed."

"You'll be five fuckin' feet away, and I said I'd join you-"

Marilyn snickered and kissed him to interrupt his pleading. "I'm teasing. I just wanted to lighten the mood... get a rise out of you," she confessed with a lingering smile.

"You always get a rise out of me," Negan winked again and kept her grinning. "Now go to sleep."

"Okay." She laughed when he pulled her to him a final time to kiss her before heading over to the bed.

Negan watched her a moment as she slipped under the covers and then straightened back up in his chair to peer out into the darkness. The rain had died down and he was sure the sun would be up soon, though he didn't know if that was a good or bad thing. In the dark they were hidden from the world; a world that he had forgotten was so big. The light in the darkness reminded him that the rest of the world was still out there; still lurking beyond the trees and the invisible boundaries that separated the camp ground from everything else that remained around them.

Rick's group. Stray Sanctuary members. A human from another community. A wanderer. A walker with a light attached. Negan etched out the latter of the collective possibilities that could be dreamed up about the flashlight carrier. It was wishful thinking at best.

Negan knew it was unlikely that Rick would send members of his group out into the dark, rainy night in search of him. Why then? Why that night? It was stupid; and if Negan could say one thing about Rick it was that he wasn't stupid. The exact opposite, in fact. Even Carl with his savage teenage impulses wouldn't have gone rogue in search of a needle in a haystack in the midst of a terrible storm.

 _So who?_ Negan thought. _Who the fuck would be out wandering the woods in a terrible thunderstorm?_ He somewhat answered the question in his mind. _Someone desperate. Someone wandering or without a stable shelter._

The light going out ultimately meant one of a couple things. The person had moved on, hiking away from the lake and out of their lives. The person had been swarmed by walkers and it was lights out. The flashlight had simply died, leaving the person wet, alone and in the pitch black woods to fend for themselves in the darkness. Whatever the case, Negan wanted to know which of the scenarios was true.

He knew if the person did stick around then they would be able to see the house the four of them had begun living in. The question would then become - would he or she venture forth to investigate? Negan feared the power of a scope or binoculars, and for that he would demand that the four of them stay inside for all of the following day.

Best case scenario? The person would be a former Sanctuary member; someone loyal and in need. The more trusted people they could add to their group, the better.

The sound of stray raindrops from the towering trees around the house landed against the roof, though the storm had all but come to a close, making way for a nearly full moon in the sky as clouds seemed to pass by like ghosts whipping by in the night.

Negan wasn't sure when the sun would rise for the next morning, but he was mentally prepared for anything. He sighed to himself and looked over toward the bed, smiling to himself when he saw that Marilyn had drifted off to sleep, or at least appeared that way as she laid peacefully on her side of the bed with her eyes closed; breathing steady. For her sake he prayed that his best-case scenario was right, and that they wouldn't be bothered by the stranger in the night.

All they could do for now was lay low, wait and exercise patience. Sooner or later, Negan knew, _someone_ would come. The goal then would be to make them ally.

Negan sighed and almost said the words aloud to himself, but kept them tucked away in his mind. _God knows I have enough enemies._


	69. Whispers

The days to follow were monotonous. The four of them alternated shifts guarding the house and keeping an eye out for others. Three of them kept watch at a time at night, always looking out for someone who might be lurking a bit to close. The sleep schedules weren't always easy but they managed for the sake of the group's safety.

The daylight hours were worse than the night, as Negan often explained to everyone. In the day time they were visible, out in the open. With darkness came the gift of complete coverage.

The light in the woods hadn't returned. With each passing day they grew more comfortable and certain that it was most likely just someone passing by. Still, being indoors all day for nearly a week began to take its toll on everyone. The first few days Negan had been adamant about remaining indoors though now he, too, was growing stir crazy and impatient.

When day seven rolled around and no one came strolling up on their camp he finally broke down, noting that they couldn't hide out forever. It wasn't his style.

"I think it's time," Negan told Simon as he plunked a stray pool ball into one of the corner pockets, aimlessly playing the game by himself. He laid the cue stick on the green felt that decorated the top of the table.

"No more house arrest?" Simon joked, pulling down one of the blinds next to the window where he sat across the room.

"Haven't seen anybody all fuckin' week. What the hell would they be waiting for?"

Simon nodded. "Normal people would have investigated this place by now if they saw it."

"Yeah."

"Should we try fishing again to try to make this other shit last?"

Negan thought a moment and then nodded. "That might not be a bad idea."

"Dusk is a good time." Simon smiled. "I'll head out there if you don't mind."

"Go nuts." Negan shrugged. "Just get your ass back here if anything out of the ordinary happens."

He nodded. "I need to get the fuck out of this house for a few."

"You and me both."

"If you want to go-"

"Go." Negan waved a hand and scratched his head.

Simon rose to his feet and pointed toward the kitchen. "I left something for you on the table in there. Just found it."

"What is it?"

"I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise."

"What are you my fuckin' woman? What the hell is it?"

Simon laughed. "Cigar."

"No shit." A wide grin decorated his face and he crossed the room as Simon headed toward a closet where they stored the fishing poles.

"Got a few more upstairs so we should have one together in a bit."

"Fuck yeah we should." Negan made his way to the table and smirked to himself again as he picked up the thick cylinder of tobacco. "Simon... they should call you Mr. fuckin' October because you have been clutch as shit lately."

"We got lawn chairs," Simon reminded him. "When the sun goes down we can sit out there and have a good fuckin' smoke."

"Fuck yeah." Negan placed the cigar in between his fingers. "I'll get warmed up with this shit."

"I'll be back."

* * *

Simon stood on the dock that outstretched onto the lake and twirled the reel. He sighed glancing down at the lone fish he'd managed to catch in the forty-five minute span that he had been out by the lake.

While he'd hoped for more success Simon still couldn't deny that being outdoors made him feel free after being cooped up in the house for seven days. He wondered what Negan must have felt being stuck in a jail cell underground for so long and wondered how it was possible to not go at least a little insane.

Simon glanced over his shoulder through the trees and could see part of the oversized home where they stayed. He couldn't wait to get back to put his feet up, smoke a cigar and then fall asleep on the Queen sized bed a short time later.

Yeah that sounds like a hell of a plan, he thought to himself with a smile.

Simon looked back out onto the still body of water and then began to reel the line in a little faster until the empty hook dangled in front of him. He then reached for he bucket, set the fishing pole on his shoulder and began his stroll down the dock.

For the time it took to walk from the far end back to dry land Simon took it slow, taking in the quiet, dark surroundings. As much as their lives had been thrown into a tailspin there was a serenity at the camp that hadn't existed at the Sanctuary. He felt no rush to return and simply embraced the night air as the stars began to give quiet hellos from up above.

The only thing to remind Simon that the world was still dead were the sounds of stray walkers nearby. He was aware of their presence but not scared. Simon knew how to handle the undead and when he saw four or five lurking nearby he simply took a hard right turn in the opposite direction but otherwise gave no acknowledgement to them.

Ultimately, when there wasn't a herd there wasn't a threat; and so Simon kept on with his slow, patient pace. He thought about the food stocked on the shelves in the pantry and hoped by chance that Nina had made him something to eat. With that he felt his stomach growl and imagined a big bowl of macaroni and cheese with a fizzy Orange soda to go with it.

Just before the cigar, Simon thought to himself. He was suddenly craving all of the little vices that he was fortunate enough to get his hands back on after the fall of their community.

The house was almost into view when Simon heard something to make him stop in his tracks.

Growls and peep frogs filled the air; one peaceful and the other the complete opposite. It was neither that made Simon lend all of his senses to his hearing. It was something else amongst the quiet.

The walkers grew closer by just a small margin and Simon gave the small group a hard look. There were six of them in total that stumbled with the slow, methodical, lifeless walk in his direction. It was then that he heard it again - or so he thought.

I'm fucking losing it from being inside for too long, Simon thought to himself though he swore he wasn't hearing things.

What he heard amongst the undead were quiet and almost unrecognizable but they were there. What Simon heard was whispers.


	70. Talking Walkers

Negan sat by himself in a chair just outside the front door with less than half the cigar Simon had found between his first two fingers. The fences and the darkness masked him from the world outside. When he'd left the house Marilyn and Nina were sipping on cups of tea talking at the kitchen table and discussing what the four of them could have for dinner to go with the fish that Simon caught.

There wasn't a day that went by that Negan didn't think about where they would ultimately end up. When he'd founded The Sanctuary and led the group of Saviors he assumed that would be it until the end - for awhile anyway. With the growth of the community and the lingering enemies he'd made along the path of survival those certainties became clouded with doubt. Eventually, he knew, someone would rebel - someone who wasn't happy; someone who wasn't getting enough; someone who felt inadequate.

 _That someone was Dwight_ , Negan thought to himself. He lifted the cigar to his lips and took in a deep breath of the fumes, engulfing his body with the brief high of the nicotine before letting out a mouthful of smoke that drifted up into the night air.

Negan enjoyed his vices, but he also never had a problem with an addiction of any kind. He was too rational to let anything, human or substance, gain control of his life. Like most people he enjoyed a good drink here and there, or a cigar to take the edge off a bit. The apocalypse was certainly a reality that allowed such things to be acceptable just a little more than they had been prior-to. Not that Negan gave a shit what other people thought before or after. He did what he wanted regardless.

 _Almost_. Negan quietly acknowledged his feelings for Marilyn, comparing them for a moment in his mind for Lucille. There were people who played a role in his decision-making, and who he allowed into his world a lot closer than anyone else.

Negan took another drag and then flipped the cigar to stare into the reddish glow on the end that he'd managed to keep perfectly round and even as the device burned down closer to his fingertips.

 _Where the hell are we going to end up?_ He thought again, sinking deeper into his chair.

The latch on the gate opened and Negan sat more upright as Simon made his way back into their small complex. From the way he hurried over, Negan knew something was off.

"What?" It was the only way he could ask the question.

Simon was out of breath; spooked. He set the bucket and pole down and pulled Negan toward the door. "They were whispering."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Negan kept his voice low and put the cigar out against the arm of the wooden chair before tossing it aside.

"It sounded like..." Simon ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, "I know they were. The dead were whispering."

Negan stared at him a moment taking in his behavior. He looked him up and down, narrowing his eyes and then made a face. "You sound like you belong in the fuckin' looney bin."

"I'm starting to think so." He pushed his hair back again.

"What do you mean the dead were whispering?"

"I was headed back and there was a small group of them stumbling around in the woods out by the dock I was fishing off of."

When he didn't continue Negan squared up to him, "Spit it the fuck out Simon. Are we fucked here or what? Do we need to get the guns and defend this shit? What the fuck..."

"I went over to them and they were dead. I killed off a few and then I heard it again. I checked in bushes... behind trees. I couldn't figure it out. There were no people. Not that I saw."

"So... what then? What are we talking about?"

"I don't know," Simon confessed. "I took the roundabout way back here. Didn't see or hear anything else." He turned and scanned the area with his eyes, not able to see up and over the fence. When he turned back, Negan was glaring at him.

"What the fuck do you suggest we do? Are you losing your fucking mind or were the undead fucks actually fuckin' whispering sweet nothings in your ear?"

Simon appeared as though he was trying to decipher it for himself. He shook his head, looked around again and then shrugged. "Negan... I really don't-" He paused, "We should check it out."

Negan huffed a breath and then hurried in through the door they stood in front of into the house.

"Catch anything?" Nina asked right away, watching the two of them enter from where she sat.

"The two of you need to go into the basement," Negan instructed. He made eye contact with Marilyn, who immediately rose to her feet and crossed the room to him.

"Why?" Her eyes were wide with worry as she saw the anger engraved on Negan's face and the slight hint of panic on Simon's.

"It's probably nothing," Simon said, though he trailed Negan toward the area where they stored the weapons and began loading up.

"Marilyn." Negan took a breath as he went about stocking himself with ammunition before handing her a loaded firearm of her own. "You know where the door is to get out down there?"

She nodded. "What is going on?"

"Simon thinks he heard people whispering out there, or the walkers."

"Well which is it?" Marilyn's voice became more shrill and demanding, "Isn't that two totally different things?"

"I thought so." Negan made brief eye contact with her and then strapped a rifle over his shoulder, on his back. "Take the two hand guns from our room. You and Nina need to barricade yourselves in. Stay down there. If anyone gets in you leave the house through that basement door."

"I don't want-"

"Do it for me honey." Negan looked her in the eye, holding her gaze for several long seconds. "We'll be right back to let you both know that things are finally."

"Hopefully." Marilyn's eyes softened and she shook her head.

"We just need to make sure there's not a problem," he explained. "There's no reason to get upset about this shit yet."

"Then why are we going into the basement?"

He tucked his fingers beneath her chin and let his thumb dance along beneath her bottom lip, "Just prepping for worst case scenario." Negan winked but she continued to question him.

"Which is what?"

"Honestly?"

Marilyn nodded, unable to break eye contact.

"Worst case scenario is that this is a group with a shit ton of numbers and we can't protect this place just the fuckin' four of us."

"So what happens to you in that case... out there?"

Negan tipped is mouth up in a smile, "Then I'll have to rely on my fuckin' charm rather than my brutality." He kept his hand against her face and then leaned in and kissed her one time before pulling back. "Go."

"I don't want to separate from you again Negan."

"It'll be an hour."

"Why can't we go with you?"

"Because if the worst case scenario is the scenario that plays out and they for whatever reason try to take you, one of two things happens. Either they take you, or I die trying to keep them from taking you... because bottom line is they aren't going to fuckin' take you from me."

"We don't even know that they would."

"You're right," Negan confirmed, "We don't." He nodded again, "Which is why you're going to stay here."

Marilyn sighed, seeing she was not about to the win the battle with him. "This isn't fair."

"I know," he confessed, "But I need you to do this for me." Negan closed the distance between them and won her over with his gaze, "Trust me."

She wanted to fight him on in but felt him winning her over with his eyes, the soft touch of his hand and his words. Marilyn loved and hated that he could do that to her so easily. "Shit..." She looked down and shook her head.

Negan couldn't help but chuckle, knowing the power he held over Marilyn. He knew she had that same hold on him and so he didn't feel guilty using it when he felt it was necessary. "We'll be back honey." Negan kissed her another time. "Don't leave until we get back."

"Okay," Marilyn agreed, unable to keep a combination of a scowl and a pout on her face despite Negan's fleeting grin.

"I'm sorry," he admitted again, "But it's necessary. Do you understand?" This time he looked at her more seriously.

She nodded, "Yes."

"Go."

Marilyn kissed him again and then glanced over at Nina and Simon who were simply waiting for their conversation to end.

"Let's go find these fuckin' talkin' walkers," Negan eyed Simon, a hint of annoyed jest in his voice. The two of them headed for the door and he turned as they opened it, "Lock the door behind us."

Marilyn nodded again and watched as the two of them headed out of the house and into whatever waited for them outside the fences.


	71. Investigation

"This is where I heard it," Simon claimed, standing in a small clearing amongst a collection of trees that stood within an eye shot of the dock. "I didn't go back to our place right away. I took the long way on a path through the woods and came in from the far side."

"Well maybe you should shut the fuck up in case someone can hear us now." Negan kept his rifle pointed out ahead and tried his best to see in the darkness.

"I might've been losing my shit," Simon admitted for the second or third time.

"I'm starting to fuckin' think so." The two of them pressed on, hiking around the woods in a way that Negan began to think of as aimless. He hated the feeling - not knowing where they were exactly or what their mission was. "What the fuck were they whispering?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I just felt like... I don't know I felt like there were words being said."

Negan lowered his weapon and looked directly at Simon. "I'm trying to be fuckin' patient with this shit but you're not giving me anything really specific. You might've heard whispers but you're not fuckin' sure. The dead might have been the ones whispering because there was no one else around... or so you think. None of this shit is concrete."

"I know, I know." Simon nodded and shook his head. He repeated the phrase in a more defeated way and squatted down, holding onto the butt of his gun, "I know."

"What words did you hear?" Negan sunk down beside him, squatting in a mirrored position as Simon hung his head as he attempted to relive the brief moment.

Simon knew Negan would hate his answer because it was the same as he had been saying about everything else. The reality was that he didn't know. Deep down he felt something wasn't right but even in the moment he couldn't be sure what words were actually being said - if any.

 _Shit I'm starting to think it could've been the wind whistling_ , Simon thought to himself. There were no certainties but he knew he wouldn't forgive himself if he hadn't at least brought the incident to Negan's attention. "I know this sounds fucked," he said, "And it may be nothing. I don't know what I heard, what the words were but it spooked the shit out of me." Simon looked at Negan now, "I wish I had more. I just wanted to be sure. It could've been the damn wind or some shit. That's what it's starting to feel like. I just knew I couldn't go back into that house and just go to bed without mentioning this shit."

The two men stared at one another for a moment and Simon felt like it was a dagger to the chest with each passing second. He didn't know what Negan was going to think of his less-than-stellar explanation but his next set of words surprise him.

"I understand." Negan nodded and stood up straight again. He extended a hand and Simon took it, hopping back up next to him. "I get it." Negan let out a sigh through his nose, "We don't have the fuckin' walls and the protection we had at The Sanctuary and frankly I've been on fuckin' edge myself."

"Yeah..."

"I fuckin' mean it. We need to be on our fuckin' toes at all times and even what feels like the dumbest of dumb shit we need to investigate so we're never blindsided." Negan patted Simon on the back, "Let's just check the woods from all angles and then head the fuck back. We'll kill all the dead we come in contact with just in case they're starting to... I don't know speak our fuckin' language."

Simon let a slow smile spread across his face when he saw that Negan was joking about the last part and then the two of them carried on with their stake out of the surrounding area.

...

Marilyn hated waiting. There was nothing worse. She had been forced to do nothing but hope and wait while looking for Negan after the battle with the Hilltop and she felt as if she had used up all of the waiting she had stored up for a lifetime.

The basement was damp and dark like the one where Negan had been locked away. The smells were even similar and several times in her waiting game for the men to get back she was taken back to him sitting there behind the steel bars chained like an animal. It didn't help the current situation. All Marilyn could think of were terrible scenarios that could have been taking place as she and Nina waited.

Nina hadn't spoken much either, breathing heavily as the two of them sat within an eyeshot of the door that led out of the basement. The worst question that the two of them kept bouncing off of each other was: "How long do you think it's been?" The question haunted each of them, though it was like word vomit. Both Marilyn and Nina couldn't keep themselves from asking after an extended period of silence.

Marilyn paced the room after a period of time went by that left her antsy and anxious waiting Negan and Simon's return. She eyed the door several times and had to will herself to stay.

 _Don't be stubborn_ , she told herself, _stay put for Negan_.

She wasn't stupid. Marilyn knew that Negan knew what he was doing when he touched her face in such a way that made her melt; or looked at her with the deep, intense stare that contributed to her falling for him in the first place. She acknowledged the tactics he used to get her to give in to his wishes but all the same she couldn't help it - not while he was standing there right in front of her. In his absence, however, she felt a different kind of pull; a longing to be beside him again, particularly when she knew he could be in danger. It was the only thing that compared to the pull he had on her while they were together.

Marilyn eyed the door so many times it almost helped to be the distraction she needed to pass the time. On the contrary, it also led to a decision that she knew was a little reckless and might get her into a heated discussion with Negan later but she didn't care.

"Nina," Marilyn said finally and looked at her friend, "Nina, I need to go out there."

"They told us to stay."

"I know," she said with a nod, "But I can't. I know that sounds-"

"Fine," Nina didn't let her finish, "I'm starting to get an anxious tick from being inside this house for so many days and I can't stop thinking about Simon getting his face bitten off by these walkers that he thinks are talking or whatever."

Marilyn was surprised that she didn't have to do much to win Nina over but didn't fight it. She headed for the door first, feeling on both hips for her pistols while carrying the shotgun that Negan had given her. When she flung open the door that led to a set of five or six steps and up to a hatch she felt her adrenaline kick it up a notch.

Neither of them knew what was out there, and for a half-a-second she hesitated, wanting to abide by her promise to Negan. Another terrible thought of him being captured entered her mind and again willed her out of the house and into the woods just beyond their oversized cabin.

Nina followed closely behind, shutting the big, steel doors that led to their underground lair and catching up on her heels. "Is this the way they went?"

"I don't know." Marilyn held her gun out, her eyes adjusting rapidly to the surroundings as they pushed past the first, second and third set of trees. At first there was nothing; no growls, no signs of life - just the trees. When the first set of walkers came into view Marilyn felt her heart jump just a bit, though approached the undead and did away with them with Nina's aid.

"Okay, first pair down," Nina said with a shaking voice and a deep breath. "Me and Simon had to kill a ton of these fuckers when we first got out here."

Marilyn could only hear the sound of her own breathing. She tried to carry on at a rapid pace without being too reckless, or moving too fast for their own good. The deeper the two of them got into the woods the more fear that possessed her body. The last thing either of them wanted or needed was to get lost, and soon Marilyn was left thinking that they should have stayed - should have listened to Negan.

 _He asked me to trust him._ Marilyn shook her head and stopped out of frustration. Before she could suggest going back to the cabin to Nina, she felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder as her friend's eyes widened in front of her. Never in her life had Marilyn regretted a decision so much.

 _I should have listened_ , she knew, _I should have trusted Negan._


	72. Band

"What the fuck are you guys doing out here?"

Marilyn spun around at the sound of Negan's booming voice and felt a rush of relief enter her body. Her entire chest felt like it was on fire and her arms and legs grew heavy. While that may have sounded bad, the feeling was that of gratitude and thankfulness for his wellbeing and her own.

"We... came to look for you guys," Nina spit out when Marilyn failed to respond, seeing that her friend was too visibly shook to say anything.

Negan looked at Marilyn with eyes that lingered with disbelief and a hint of disappointed anger. "What the hell did I tell you to do?"

"I know but it had been a long time," Marilyn choked out. She wasn't sure what to say, and knew he was going to be angry with her. She had been prepared for it long before they'd left the basement.

"Jesus girls." Simon shook his head, "You don't know what could be out here."

Negan continued to stare at Marilyn. His mouth was partway open and he looked as if he wanted to either scream at her or hug her but he didn't do either. He simply stood there for a moment until a reality hit him. "We could've accidentally fuckin' shot you." Negan shook his head, "Do you know what the fuck that would've..." He didn't finish his sentence and shook his head, running a hand through his hair as he backpedaled a few steps and planted his back against a tree for a moment.

"I'm sorry," Marilyn told him, "It's just... I just thought it had been too long."

"We," Nina corrected, "We thought it had been too long."

"It hasn't even been forty-five fuckin' minutes," Negan informed them, shaking his head. "Fuck if I shot you Marilyn... or you Nina..."

"I didn't think about that," Marilyn admitted.

"Yeah... I can fuckin' see that." He put his hands on his knees and leaned away from the tree. "Fuck."

"We're on edge out here looking for potential threats, "Simon reminded them, "If we heard you from too far out or could only make out your silhouettes you might've been fuckin' goners. Or hell, maybe the other way around. Don't know how good of a shot you ladies are though." He laughed to himself to lighten the mood but Negan didn't laugh.

"We're fuckin' done here," Negan said, shaking his head. "You need to get some fuckin' sleep Simon and I have a shift tonight."

"So you didn't find anyone?" Marilyn asked, attempting to keep up with him as they walked.

"No." He didn't look over at her as they marched on through the woods.

"Well... that's good."

"Yeah."

Nina made a face and looked at Marilyn before glancing at Simon who didn't say much as they went, though his demeanor was far less angry than Negan's. The rest of the walk was silent, and everyone kept eyes on all directions until they crossed back through the threshold of their property and made their way back inside as a group.

Negan nodded to Simon as they entered through the basement doors. "Check the house with me." He dead-bolted the basement door from inside, glanced briefly at Marilyn and then led the way to the main level of the place with everyone else tailing just behind him.

"Negan-" Marilyn began, sensing his mood but he cut her off.

"Stay in the living room with Nina... if that's not too much to fucking ask." He pushed Simon lightly ahead of him as they rounded onto the first floor. The two of them made their way out of the main room to stalk the remainder of the house per the small chance that someone might've come inside while they were all out of it.

When the men began their search Nina looked at Marilyn and whispered. "I'm sorry."

"For what? It was my idea to go."

"He's so mad."

Marilyn shrugged. "My fault. I'll tell him I dragged you with me."

Nina yawned and plopped down on one of the couches and waited for them to return.

Marilyn sat down on the arm rest beside her, glancing around the empty room until finally Negan and Simon confirmed that the house was clear.

"Sure you don't want an extra set of eyes?" Simon asked.

"No." Negan shook his head. "I'll call you if something fucked up happens. Hopefully you're just losing your shit."

"I think I am." He smiled and waved to Nina, "Come on."

Nina didn't hesitate, appearing more tired by the second as she stretched her arms above her head and yawned again. As she crossed by Negan to follow Simon she gave a simple, "Sorry," and kept on her way.

Marilyn looked at Negan and finally sighed when she heard Simon and Nina reach the second floor. "Look, I-"

"That was fucking stupid," he said sternly.

"I know."

"Why?"

"It felt like over an hour down there." Marilyn shook her head.

"Do you know what the fuck I would've done if I accidentally fuckin' shot you?"

Marilyn looked down at the floor. "I didn't think about that and I know... it's stupid."

"So fucking stupid," Negan echoed, confirming his original point. In the same breath he pulled her toward him and kissed her once hard on the lips.

Marilyn's eyes widened for a moment and then she kissed him back.

"You know why I chose to have people fear me rather than love me for so long?" Negan asked her, "Out at the Sanctuary. I ironed people's fucking faces. I smashed heads with Lucille. I sent Simon and everyone on personal missions to send messages of fear. Do you know why?"

"Why?" She shook her head as she asked him the question.

"Because fear lasts longer than love."

"That's not true."

"In my world it has been," Negan told her, "Lucille got taken from me right at the start of all this. It was too soon that she was taken away from me. The fear people have for me though... that's still there... even now that I have no army to fuckin' back me up. Rick's people kept me in that cell out of fear... and I guarantee they fear that I'll come back some day."

Marilyn didn't know how to argue her point for the opposing side when the love she had for Negan was still so new in the grand scheme of things.

"I want our love to outlast that shit," he went on, "And that can't fuckin' happen if you're dead, now can it?"

She shook her head and swallowed hard. "No."

Negan kissed her again and then hugged her against him. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Don't do stupid shit."

Marilyn smiled against his chest. "Okay." She felt him remove the hair tie from her hair and then she pulled back to face him.

"Do you have any more of these?"

"Surprisingly, yes." She gave him a look, "Why?"

Negan looked down, taking her hand in his and then spun the black hair band around several times on the ring finger on her left hand.

"It's just uh... I've been thinking about shit and how I could fuckin' kind of..."

Marilyn smiled from the way he bumbled on his words and intervened. "Like a ring?"

Negan cleared his threat and looked around before looking back at her as he scratched the back of his head. "Yeah."

She smiled wider and then bit down on her bottom lip to keep herself from letting out the emotions she was feeling.

"I've looked for rings on the fuckin' dead ones and in every fucking drawer at this camp site." Negan shook his head. "This shit isn't fucking romantic, I know..." He motioned with his hands toward the band on her finger.

"Yes it is." Marilyn gave a giddy laugh. "It _really_ is."

"I just... I let Lucille down in a lot of fuckin' ways and I did love her. I love you too Marilyn and honestly if something fuckin' happens to you I'll go right back down that same path I took before."

"What... what path is that?"

"Rick said something to me during one of the times him and I came face to face, and at the time he was right. It pissed me off because he was right." Negan cleared his throat, "He looked me in the eye and said you're all already dead." He took in a breath through his nose, reliving the moment for a second, "When Lucille died I had nothing there, no one to hold me back and help me preserve my humanity. I was dead just like Rick said... until I got to know you."

Marilyn felt even worse for disobeying Negan's request for her to remain inside. She didn't want to be the source of his worry, or even more heavily the source of putting his life back in an emotional tailspin that left him doing awful things without regard.

"Negan, I'm... I don't know even know what to say really except I'm sorry."

He gave a barely there grin and then pulled her to him again, hugging her a little tighter against him. "I know you're not fuckin' fragile, but you're human. One bullet, an end of a sharp weapon, someone wanting to come sweeping out of the fuckin' darkness to take you and that's fuckin' that." He sighed, "One bite from a walker."

"I know." Marilyn ran a hand up and down his back as she snuggled against his chest. "I worry about that with you too... that's the only reason why I went out. And for the record I dragged Nina with me. She didn't want to go."

Negan gave a light laugh and then pulled back a few inches and looked down at her. "You two are fuckin' trouble."

"Just a little." Marilyn accepted his lips against hers as he leaned his face down. "I'm sorry," she said again quietly.

"It's okay." Negan sighed and pulled back. He tapped her finger, "I'll find you a real one."

"It's the gesture." She smiled wide again and looked at him adoringly, making him grin wider, chuckle and then look down.

"Go up and go to bed," he ordered.

"Aren't we going to consummate this?" Marilyn held up her hand, making him laugh a little louder.

"Not tonight. I'm still fuckin' mad at you and I have to keep an extra eye out."

She crinkled her nose and gave a pouty smile before looking over her shoulder. She then pushed him down onto the couch before dropping to her knees and settling her forearms on either of his thighs while toying with his belt buckle.

"Let me at least give you _something_ to make up for the worry I caused you." Marilyn looked up at him and smiled when she saw his Adam's apple flex in his throat as she finished the sentence.

Negan grinned again and shrugged his shoulders, giving in rather easily as he rested his hands behind his head. "Alright." When Marilyn laughed he continued to smile and closed his eyes. "Don't do shit that's going to make me worry about you anymore."

"Okay."

Negan widened his feet on either side of her and tiled his head back against the top of the couch. "Okay."


	73. I'd Die Happy

Marilyn was awoken by a kiss from a sleep so deep that she wasn't sure at first if she was dreaming or not. When her eyes flickered open Negan hovered above her and she immediately wrapped an arm around him in her sleepy haze.

"What happened to night watch?" She asked quietly as she cleared her throat.

"Sun's coming up," he whispered back, kissing her again in the same breath. "I'm off duty."

Marilyn gave a small smile that grew wider when she realized he had on the bare minimum of clothing. She gradually grew more awake and alert as Negan heated the kiss and dominated her tongue with his own, pulling off the shirt she was wearing with one smooth movement.

"Do you want me to let you sleep?" He whispered, almost painfully as he stopped briefly what he was doing.

Marilyn strung kissed along his neck and gently trailed her nails down his bare back making his eyes close as he bowed his head against her.

Negan traced his lips against her shoulder down toward her collarbone before igniting a more heated kiss.

Marilyn ran a hand through his thick, dark hair and gripped the back of his head while he carefully pushed down the shorts she had on. When Negan's bare body was fully against hers he didn't immediately progress their intimacy, continuing to kiss her with a gentle enthusiasm.

She felt her heart flutter and body shudder as his fingers danced along her inner thigh while he refocused his lips on the sensitive skin of her breasts and then down toward her stomach.

Negan's breathing was the only sound Marilyn could focus on; that and the beat of her heart that grew louder as the seconds past. The way he touched her made her crave him more and it wasn't until she almost couldn't take it that he pulled her hips up to his and joined himself to her, collapsing his upper body back against hers.

"Negan," Marilyn swallowed hard and let out a breath from all the sensations that filtered through her body. She didn't know which one of them to concentrate on.

Negan reignited their kiss and didn't let up, moaning against her mouth in a needy fashion as he felt her grip the lowest part of his back.

Marilyn breathed into his mouth several times in a break in their kiss and then closed her eyes hard when his forehead pressed against hers.

Following each thrust of his hips Negan let out a breath against her lips, his eyebrows creasing from the pleasure each time she whimpered from the feel of him. He could tell she was trying to hold it in, something he took as a personal challenge that he often won when she finally moaned uncontrollably.

Marilyn's body ached and twisted in pleasure as she relished in the most intimate act she had ever done with anyone. Her toes curled beneath the white, cotton socks she still had on and her fingers dug deeper into Negan's back. He gasped out a curse word or two as his bottom lip separated from the top.

Negan's fingers curled around her shoulder and drifted up the side of her neck before he drew his hand across her face, letting his thumb and fingers dance across her lips. "God... Marilyn..." She engulfed the top of his thumb in her mouth and the feel of her lips against his fingers heightened his arousal.

Marilyn opened her eyes and could easily read the look on Negan's face. His eyes were shut, pressed so tightly that his eyebrows almost seemed to touch. His nose flared out just a bit and his jaw was stiffened so much so that the rest of his upper body appeared strained. Without warning she replaced her mouth where her thumb had been, taking his lips against her own again and kissing him so aggressively that he couldn't hold himself back. When Negan moaned again she held him, hugging his body to hers and feeling him move into her in such a way that made her body tense up against his. Before she could even fully process her own feelings in the moment she felt Negan let himself go, accompanying her name in the mix of a collection of other intelligible words.

She hugged his body harder against hers, caressing the back of his neck with her fingers in a gently massage that left him sighing as he relaxed. A fleeting thought that Nina was only separated by a thin sheetrock wall crossed her mind but Negan's tongue swirled against her earlobe and Marilyn was taken back into the moment. Just like he'd started, Negan gently kissed the area beneath her ear, her neck and the top of her chest. All the while Marilyn kept her eyes closed taking in his more innocent hand-wandering. She swallowed hard and let out a breath through her nose as his fingers traced the curve at the edge of her breast and then rested on her bare hip that was still connected with his.

"I wish I could take you out somewhere nice," Negan said quietly, keeping his eyes closed as he rested his head on the pillow. His lips grazed her ear as he spoke.

"There's the pavilion," Marilyn teased, whispering quietly with a smile. "Boxed macaroni and cheese and whiskey."

He let out a single chuckle. "Yeah... but I wish I could pick you up at your house... keep you waiting an extra five minutes to get your heart rate pumping a little harder when I finally pulled up in the driveway to pick you up."

Marilyn smiled wider and closed her eyes, envisioning the scene he had set in her mind. "You'd keep me waiting?"

Negan laughed lightly again and kissed along the edge of her ear again. "No... but I know that would get your heart rate to jump." He pulled back to look at her; a half, lazy smile on his face and his eyes only partway open.

"Just you wanting to take me to dinner would get my heart rate up."

"Mmm..." he brushed his nose against hers and kissed her again. "What kind of food did you like?"

"Anything." She grinned wide and kissed him again, "Italian I guess was my favorite... but anything." Marilyn fed into the fake reality, "A big plate of linguini Alfredo topped with grilled shrimp or chicken." Negan kissed her again. "Would you pick up the check?"

He laughed and nodded. "Only if you agreed to come back to my place that night."

Marilyn laughed a little louder. "I think you could sway me into going back."

"Well then I'd throw in a cannoli or two for dessert."

She kissed him again. "I wish."

"Me too." Negan smiled against her lips. "Now I'm fuckin' hungry."

"Want me to make you something?" she whispered.

"Later." He kissed her and slunk down deeper into the pillow, pulling her against him as he continued to face her.

Marilyn cuddled his head to her chest and pulled the sheet up over the two of them. She thought about the scenario Negan had created and of how wonderful that would have been if it were possible. Before she could get too depressed from the fact that things would never be so normal, she acknowledged that if not for the apocalypse she probably wouldn't know Negan at all.

She looked down at him in her arms and smiled, thankful for his company and their relationship. Marilyn felt gratitude in that Negan felt comfortable enough to let her take care of him. No man in her life ever cuddled so submissively against her in the way he did now, and how he did often. While she acknowledged that he could virtually made her do anything, she knew that it was the same for him.

Marilyn glanced at her hand that was wrapped loosely against his upper back and smiled when she glanced at the band he had placed around her ring finger. She shook her head, thinking that never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that this is how, where and when she would find the love of her life. The next day wasn't promised, the next breath wasn't promised but with Negan she knew that even if she died on that day, in that minute or second that she would die happy. It made living in a dead world all the more tolerable, all the more enjoyable and all the more worth it.


	74. Territory

Everyone was on a higher level of awareness in the day to follow. Simon didn't wander outside as he had been doing regularly. He sat by a window on the first level while Nina watched through an upstairs window.

Marilyn awoke before Negan having slept half the night while he was awake. She laid awake staring at the ceiling for close to an hour, a collection of thoughts running through her mind. Most were pleasant, revolving around Negan. She let herself daydream about fake realities for a bit and then relived the night before for a moment. She thought about reality and what the future held for the four of them.

Was there something weird going on or did Simon just let his imagination get the best of him? Where were Rick's people? Would someone else find them?

Marilyn sighed and turned toward Negan who slept with his back to her. She slipped an arm beneath his and wrapped her arm across his chest.

Her hand rose and fell which each breath he took. Marilyn kissed the back of his shoulder and then cuddled behind him with her eyes closed in attempt to get back to sleep.

* * *

Nina made her way downstairs to Simon who had begun to shoot some pool by himself.

"There are some walkers out there," she told him as she rounded into the room.

"How close?" He struck the red-striped eleven ball with the cue and sent it knocking around the edges of the table without finding a home in a pocket.

"It looks like they were lining the fence... maybe inside the fence."

"Impossible." Simon straightened up and held the top of the pool cue.

"Maybe we should just go take them out quick."

"They can't be inside the fence. That would require them to be able to pick a lock." He wandered toward the couch where he'd left his weapons and nodded toward Nina. "Where are yours?"

She reached to her hip for a handgun and then grabbed a knife in the other.

Simon waved her with him. "Stay behind me. I'll check it out."

Nina nodded and trailed him to the door. She took a deep breath and then Simon flung it open, jumping back immediately when he came face to face with a walker.

"What the fuck!" Simon raised his arm to plunge the knife but the walker caught him by the arm, making him curse again as his eyes widened in a state of shock.

"This territory has been claimed." A human voice sounded off from behind an undead disguise.

Without warning a handful of others emerged and barged in, several holding guns at attention to keep Simon from attacking on his own.

"What the hell is this?" Nina asked to no one in particular. Her voice shook and her hand clutched The back of Simon's shirt.

"We aren't going to hurt you," a female voice informed them. "Put down your weapons."

Simon glanced toward the ceiling contemplating calling for Negan but he hoped by some miracle his friend had gotten wind that something was wrong and would be able to come to their aid without warning.

"Put down your weapons," the woman demanded again. "We're not here to hurt you but I'll take it as a personal threat if you don't obey my requests."

Simon carefully put down his weapons and felt Nina do the same behind him. "What the fuck is this? What are you?"

"What are we?" She laughed. "We're human like you."

"You wear the... then skin of the undead?" Nina stuttered in disbelief.

"It's a great disguise isn't it?" When no one said anything she looked back at her men. "Shut the door."

"You can't have our shit," Simon said adamantly.

"Your shit?" The woman asked. "This is our shit. We have several places stocked up with food like this."

"Who are you?" Nina asked.

Rather than respond to the question she replied. "Where are the others?"

"What others?" Simon asked.

"Now is not the time to lie. We've been watching you for days from a distance. Where are the others? There is another man... and a woman. Where are they?"

Simon let out a breath through his nose and glared at the group. He felt Nina's grip stiffen around his shirt.

The woman raised her gun so it pointed directly at him. "I won't ask again."

"Asleep," Simon hissed.

"Well we should wake them up now shouldn't we?" She motioned with her gun toward the little hallway that led to the stairs. "Lead the way."

Simon turned to make eye contact with Nina before reluctantly leading the group to the stairs. With each step up toward the second floor Simon toyed with the idea of shouting for Negan but he didn't quite know who hey we're dealing with.

Were they bluffing? Were they not? Would this mysterious skin-welding woman really shoot them if they didn't comply? Did this place actually belong to the mystery group? How many people did they have? There were so many questions.

They could've just shot us and took the house back, Simon knew. For that he had hope that they would keep their word and not hurt anyone.

The stairs creaked beneath their feet and when Simon led them at gunpoint to the second floor he didn't immediately point out the room where Negan and Marilyn slept.

"You aren't going to hurt them..." Nina looked into the eyes of the woman behind the flesh mask.

"We could have killed you already," she confirmed. "If that gives you a peace of mind."

"We just want to talk," one of her partners in crime chimed in.

"But I want all four of you together so there won't be any surprises," she finished. "Now... point us in the right direction so we aren't wasting any more time."

Simon cursed under his breath and walked toward Negan's room. He lifted an arm to knock but the woman caught his arm.

"Allow me." She shoved the door open, jumping back immediately when she came face to face with Negan who was positioned directly in front of Marilyn. He stood at attention, gun in hand and pointed directly at the woman who led the charge into the room.

"What in the holy fuck do we have here?" Negan's eyes never left the woman's as they stared each other down in mirrored positions with their guns raised. "You are fuckin' creepy as shit."

"Lower your weapon."

"Are we talking about the gun or my dick? Because I can really only control one of those two things." When the woman's eyes dropped to his bare waistline for a brief second he continued talking. "That kind of distraction would've normally got you killed doll. But since you have these other fuckers with guns pointed at my friends' heads I'm going to have to fuckin' spare yours." Negan cleared his threat. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Lower your weapon," she repeated.

"Honey now we're going round and round. I ain't dropping shit until you state your fuckin' purpose."

"Want me to off him?" A man asked from behind, keeping the barrel of his gun against Simon's temple.

"No," she instructed and then turned her full focus back on Negan. "You're very convincing."

"So I've been told." Negan's eyes glared into hers. "Now tell me who the fuck you people are."

She looked over her shoulder at her men who all nodded in a sense of unspoken communication before she turned back around and removed the mask. Her head was bald; face pretty and she raised the gun again to protect herself as she stared back at Negan.

"My name is Alpha."


	75. Questions and Answers

Alpha couldn't keep a look of awe and confusion from her face when a slow smile spread across Negan's face.

"I've told you my name," she said with a hint of annoyance. "Now it's time to tell me yours."

Negan's smile turned into a chuckle and he held her eye contact with ease. "Well you've seen mine, doll, but that doesn't mean I expect you to show me yours."

"You are awfully arrogant with a gun pointed in your face."

"If you wanted to pull the trigger you would've." He winked. "But I'll play along." He dropped the gun to his side and held out a hand. "I'm Negan."

Alpha glanced at his hand and hesitated. "We have a community. If you try to grab me-"

"If I wanted to grab you I would've." Negan could see that she was not there to kill and he knew it could be beneficial to get on their good side. For that he turned the gun around and handed it to her when she failed to shake his hand. "Eyes up honey."

Alpha snatched the gun from him and Negan put his hands up. He felt Marilyn's hand against his bare back.

"Do you have any other guns in here?" Alpha asked.

"You want fuckin' pat me down?" Negan laughed again. He motioned to the door, "And if you're not going to would you mind turning around to give my wife and I some privacy? You are eye fucking the shit out of me and it's making me a bit uncomfortable." He grinned wider and Alpha glared harder at him.

She pointed the gun so it aimed below his waist. "Put your clothes on."

"Easy where you aim that thing honey." Negan continued to grin.

"Can we please have a minute?" Marilyn asked from behind him.

"It was pretty fuckin' inconsiderate to just come barging in here," Negan added.

Alpha lowered her gun. "You have thirty seconds."

"Thanks doll."

"Stop calling me that."

"Getting you all flustered aren't I?" Negan went on before she could interrupt him. He put a hand on his chest. "I apologize. We'll meet you out in the hall in thirty fuckin' seconds."

"Door stays open."

"Take your last looks." He put his hands out to the sides prompting Alpha to shake her head and move the men out with Simon and Nina.

"Any funny business and these two get it. No questions asked."

"Well Simon's my right hand man... so I wouldn't fuckin' dream of it."

He turned to Marilyn when everyone piled out of the room, letting his confident smile fade when he faced her directly. "Are you okay?"

"Who are these people?" She whispered, though knew he didn't have the answer.

Negan kept himself positioned in front of her and reached for her clothes at the end of the bed. "Get dressed." He glanced over his shoulder. "I don't want any of those fuckin' animals seeing you."

"You and me both." Her hands shook as she took the clothes from him.

"They aren't going to hurt us," Negan said with a confident nod. "They could have and it seems like the woman is in charge."

Marilyn took in a deep, nervous breath and then rounded the bed to grab Negan shorts and t-shirt from the floor. "What if they try to separate us? Or what if they're with Rick's people?"

Negan shook his head. "They're not with Rick. And does it fuckin' look like I'm going to let them separate us?" He paused and waited for her to look back at him after adjusting her clothing again. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Negan kissed her once and placed a hand on her cheek then lowered his voice. "I'm going to try to sweet talk this lady. It means nothing."

Marilyn looked him in the eye and nodded.

"I mean it," Negan said. "For our safety... for the future. Maybe we can fuckin' work with these people. They aren't here to kill us. They have the numbers to and they haven't. We're all going to talk."

"Ten more seconds," Alpha's voice came from the hall.

Negan glanced over his shoulder again and reached for his clothes in Marilyn's hand. He touched her face again. "I love you."

She swallowed hard. "I love you too."

He kissed her quickly another time and threw his clothes on. "Follow my lead." Negan reached for her hand and towed her with him into the hall where the crowd waited.

"Three... two... one..." Alpha counted down with little intention of doing them harm. She eyed Negan and called to one of her men. "Pat him down just in case."

Negan put his arms up and watched carefully as Alpha patted down Marilyn. When each of them were done searching she ordered the men to take off their masks.

"So what the fuck is this shit?" Negan motioned to the sickening camouflage. He glanced at Simon as the man pulled the gun away from his temple.

Nina immediately linked up at his side and made eye contact with Marilyn who reached back for Negan's hand.

"This is our means of survival," Alpha explained. "Not the daintiest of disguises, I know. But it works." She looked at Negan. "Why do you four travel alone?"

"Our community was overrun. I was taken captive by them and my wife managed to break me out." He gave Marilyn a subtle wink. "Cuz she's fuckin' badass like that."

Marilyn would have gushed over the fact that he kept referring to her as his wife if it weren't for the anxiety driven by the possible life-threatening situation they found themselves in with the odd group of strangers.

"Why were you locked up?" Alpha asked.

"They killed our people... went to fuckin' war... I went head to head with their guy, snapped his leg in two pieces. He slit my throat. My guys betrayed me. That's the fuckin' story in a nut shell."

Alpha narrowed her eyes at him. "For some reason I feel like there's more to the story."

Negan grinned and let his eyebrows rise and fall. "You betcha."

"Have you killed people?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Self-preservation." Negan scratched the back of his head. "Shit, it's not what I want to fuckin' do but when it has to be done, it has to be fuckin' done."

"I understand."

"I'm sure you do."

"Like now, for instance," Alpha explained. "If you pull a gun on my men unexpectedly, they shoot you."

"My my, little lady." Negan laughed lightly. "You have got these big goons to do your dirty work don't you?"

"We've all had to do things."

"I'm sure." He let his tongue danced across lips and then sucked his teeth before nodded at Simon. "I don't know how properly you've been introduced. This is Simon and Nina."

"And your wife's name?" Alpha asked.

"Marilyn." He subconsciously pulled her a little closer to him. When he felt that Alpha was studying them he hardened his features for the first time and challenged her with his eyes. "Ask whatever it is you want to fuckin' ask so we can get these awkward introductions out of the way and start working together."

"Oh I have tons of questions," Alpha assured him, running her hand across her mouth as she thought.

"So man up and ask."

"I'm not so sure I'll believe what you have to say."

"You will."

"How can you be so sure?"

Negan nodded at her with all honesty. "Because you're going to hate the fuckin' answers. They'll make you question wanting to kill me because I could pose a threat - which I won't unless you try to hurt me or my people. Red flags will raise in your mind but at the same time you'll be so fuckin' intrigued. You'll want me standing beside you becaus I ain't scared of shit... and I don't bullshit." He folded his arms in front of his chest. "Ask me anything you want to know Alpha."

She stared back at him with the same intensity, taken slightly off-guard by his prompt change in demeanor.

"What was the original act that started this war that got you captured?"

Negan didn't break eye contact. "I was leader of a place called The Sanctuary. Simon was-"

"Your right hand man," Alpha interrupted, making him grin again.

"You were paying attention," he pointed at her, "I like it." With a grin that only lingered for a second or two more Negan went on, "We hadn't met this group until they attacked one of our outposts. They killed at least 30 of our people, some in their sleep. I didn't know who the fuck I was dealing with but I assumed with out numbers it wouldn't be a problem with retaliating." He cleared his throat. "I organized a plan to trap them so they couldn't leave the area and had eleven of their people including their leader surrounded. In front of them all I killed two of their top men with a baseball bat."

"But not the leader?"

"No."

"How did it escalate?"

"Feuds back and forth, two stubborn fuckin' men, myself included in that, not backing down and coming to an agreement."

"So they won, you lost."

"It would fuckin' appear that way now wouldn't it?" Negan gently hit Simon on the shoulder. "Underdogs pulled it off with captain Rick."

"Rick." Alpha's tone became more interested and alert. "Rick Grimes?"

Negan had to consciously keep himself from whipping his head around back in her direction. He felt Simon tense up beside him.

"We've had somewhat of a problem with a man named Rick," one of Alpha's men stated.

She turned to him slowly, aggravation showing in her eyes from the small revelation.

Negan's body loosened again and his smile returned. "Is that right?" 


	76. The Whisperers

There was a silence that lingered in the hallway and Negan took it upon himself to take control of the situation.

"Why don't we all take this down in the kitchen?" he suggested, "Get a little fuckin' comfortable. We'll cook some spaghetti and shit and talk a little more." Negan continued to look at Alpha now, softening up just a bit in an attempt to win her over. "No one's killing anyone today. I fuckin' like you guys. The skin wearing shit is a little fuckin' weird but shit... survival of the fuckin' fittest requires so finesse and I have to say your group takes the mother fuckin' cake."

Alpha couldn't deny that Negan was persuasive and definitely hit check marks she needed in her top men. Still, she could see he was skilled in the art of smooth talking and they didn't know much of each other yet. Still, she could see that he wasn't one to be bullied and she didn't want something to lead to violence if it didn't have to. If a fight ensued she would lose people - potentially her own life. If they made peace, she knew, there was a chance to gain four more strong members to add to their group.

"Seeing as this is one of our side houses and this is _our_ spaghetti." Alpha overemphasized the word, "I'd love it if you cooked for us Mr. Negan."

"Just Negan." He grinned and pointed at her. "And I would be more than happy to make you all a plate of spaghetti."

"From you," Alpha ordered, "Don't make your wife cook."

Negan looked to Marilyn for a moment. "Make her?" he turned back to Alpha, "I don't make her do shit. And I'm a little fuckin' offended at best at the thought of you calling me sexist."

"I didn't say you were sexist."

"You implied it." He raised his eyebrows and put an arm around Marilyn who leaned into him. "This is an equal partnership and don't fuckin' think twice about that shit."

Marilyn decided to play nice, seeing as Negan asked her to follow his lead. "He makes a great plate of spaghetti."

"How long have you two been married? Since before?" Alpha asked.

"We've been together for... awhile," Marilyn replied. She finally managed the smallest of smiles as she glanced down at her ring finger with the hair band.

Alpha's eyes stalked her gaze. "Couldn't afford a diamond?" she challenged him.

"You enjoy talking shit." Negan grinned wider. "Fuck, I wish I had you on my team of Saviors. Maybe I wouldn't have lost all my shit."

"Saviors?"

Negan pulled Marilyn with him and attempted to drape an arm across Alpha's shoulders but she raised the gun at him, still unware of her surroundings. He chuckled again. "We'll talk more over dinner."

"A way to a man's heart is through his stomach," Alpha said sarcastically, keeping her gun raised as she motioned for Negan and Marilyn to go ahead of her down the stairs.

"A little further south honey."

* * *

"The Saviors were what we called our fuckin' soldiers at The Sanctuary." Negan kept his word and served up the plates of spaghetti to the group while Alpha sat comfortably next to Simon, Nina and Marilyn. Her men stood at attention, guns in hand against the walls until she called them to the table as Negan set down the last few plates.

"Simon," she said blandly, taking a bite, "What's your story?"

"Well..." he twirled spaghetti on his fork, still tense as he did so, and responded. "Negan and I have been in thing pretty much since the beginning... close to it. We joined up, started the Sanctuary and here we fuckin' are. You know the in between."

"And you two." Alpha motioned to Nina.

"We're... together," Nina said for a lack of better word.

"Involved," Simon added, sounding moderately awkward in the process.

"Exclusive?"

"That's right." He took another bite.

Alpha turned to Marilyn, "And how does a class woman like yourself put up with a man like Negan?"

He laughed from the counter where he purposely helped himself to the last of the plate's and poured himself a glass of whiskey. "Alpha... can I interest you in a glass of the best fuckin' whiskey in Virginia?"

"No... thank you." She ordered her men to say no with her eyes.

"Simon?"

"Sure." He nodded, making eye contact with Negan briefly as he poured the two of them a glass and made his way to the table.

"Not going to offer any to your bride?" Alpha asked, raising her eyebrows as he pulled up a seat next to Marilyn and draped his arm over the back.

"She doesn't like it," Negan replied and smiled at Marilyn, "More of a beer girl."

"Were the two of you together before all this?" Alpha motioned to the two of them with her fork.

"No," they replied at the same time before Marilyn took the lead and went on as she rested a hand on thigh. "We... noticed each other at The Sanctuary. And I guess things progressed after that like any relationship would." She glanced up at Negan, who gave another subtle wink.

"Seems like you deserve a medal," Alpha remarked snidely.

He laughed a little louder, "You aren't afraid to talk shit... I like it. I fuckin' like it a lot. I mean I can dish it with the best of 'em but I can fuckin' take it." When Negan saw the expression on her face he knew he was winning her over just a bit. "So, what's your story? Are _you_ involved?"

Alpha stared back at him. "No," she said matter-of-factly, "I do have a daughter just a few years shy of twenty... from a previous relationship. Before all of this started."

"Where is she?" Marilyn asked.

"Back at our base," Alpha answered honestly, "She had eyes for one of Rick's boys."

A slow smile spread over Negan's face. "Carl? The kid with the fuckin' hat?"

She nodded once subtly.

"Is this what started the fuckin' tension? Romeo and Juliet shit?"

"No," she replied quickly.

"Then what?" Negan leaned forward, folding his hands on top of the table and looked her in the eye with the tiniest of smirks on his face.

Alpha didn't know why but she felt just a bit enamored with Negan's antics. She could tell right away that the sweet talk came easy to him, and she didn't trust him - not yet. Still, she couldn't look away when he challenged her so fiercely and playfully at the same time. "They have things we need, " was Alpha's simple reply.

Negan took a swing from his glass of whiskey and drew his tongue against his bottom lip. "I think we can work together Alpha."

"You need us more than we need you."

"You're right," he admitted with a nod and a smile, though never backed down and studied her expression before holding her gaze again. "It'll take time... but once we earn your trust you'll see we have a lot of the same interests."

Simon loosened up just a bit and sipped from his glass of whiskey. He sighed loudly prompting both Negan and Alpha to look at him for a moment before returning the stalemate stare that left neither of them backing down.

"Help us," Negan persisted, "And let us help you." He leaned forward an extra inch across the table.

Alpha swallowed hard, unable to deny the persuasion that lied within the man that stared confidently across from her at the table. She lowered her eyes as she took a bite of the spaghetti in front of her. "We'll evaluate you some more," she explained, "And then we'll see."

"What do you call yourselves?" Negan asked, "The skin-wearing fuckin' Texas Chainsaw Massacre motherfuckers?" He leaned back and placed an arm around Marilyn again, giving her shoulder a squeeze as he sipped on the whiskey with his free hand.

"The Whisperers."

"The Whisperers?" He smirked and looked at Simon who attempted not to laugh.

"We'll fill you in another time," Alpha explained.

"Were you at the lake the other day?" Simon asked, "When I was fishing?"

"Yes," she said simply, "You were right. We were amongst the dead. If you lunged for us with that knife we would've had to kill you."

Negan couldn't help himself, amused from the total strangeness of the group that sat perfectly normally eating perhaps the most typical meal on the planet. "How's the spaghetti?"

"It's not bad." Alpha rounded up a final bite and then let the fork circle the dish and folded her hands under her chin. "I may make you my personal cook."

He laughed again. "Whatever the fuck you need honey... but I assure you that I'd be much more useful on the fuckin' front line."

"We'll see about that."

Negan leaned forward again, feeling Marilyn's hand tighten around his knee. "Let's cut the shit." He held her gaze again and felt the slight pull he had on her in the process, "We've got something here... your group and mine. We have the same fuckin' enemies... we fuckin' need you and you won't regret working with us." He studied her eyes, her jaw line, her throat as she swallowed and tried hard not to look away before finally submitting to his dominant stare. "Don't deny the chemistry Alpha. Don't be fuckin' stubborn. I learned that shit the hard way and it bit me right in the ass."

"Oh yeah?" She tried to sound stern.

"Yeah." He nodded back, crushing her attempt at a challenge. "What do you say?"

Alpha took in a breath through her nose and let out a deep exhale before rising to her feet and calling her men up with her. "Don't pull any funny business and you can remain here temporarily. We'll be back with possible negotiations."

Negan remained seated and took a more casual seat as he leaned back against Marilyn again. "Simon... that sounds fair to me... do we have a deal?"

Simon hesitated for a moment before nodding and taking a sip from the small glass of liquor. "Yeah... yeah we have a deal."

"Nina?"

"Yeah." Nina nodded, alternating her gaze between Negan and Marilyn.

"Honey?" Negan looked into Marilyn's eyes, almost begging for a sense of forgiveness from his openly flirty antics.

Marilyn didn't hesitate. She knew him and trusted him with her life. "Yeah." She looked at Alpha briefly, "Yeah, I'd say hat's fair."

"Alright." He held a hand out again across the table, still seated as Alpha stood. "It's a deal."

This time Alpha shook his hand and nodded, urging her people toward the door. "Don't think about going anywhere. We're everywhere."

"Where the fuck are we going to go?" Negan smiled again, winking a final time and then settled back into his seat as Alpha led the march toward the front door. She allowed her men out a step ahead of her, gave one glance over her shoulder at the four of them and then headed outside away from the cabin.


	77. Deep and Shallow

Despite how positive the opening meeting with the Whisperers seemed to go no one let their guard down. Negan remained on the balcony in the bedroom staring outward and sure that Alpha wasn't bluffing when she claimed they would be watching.

Simon watched the back end of the house from the first floor with Nina and Marilyn overlooked the opposite end as Negan from the upstairs. For hours the four of them remained separate, each taking in their surroundings in an attempt intervene any type of potential attack. At heart Negan believed them - that they weren't there to kill them. The reality was that Alpha could have ordered the Whisperers to kill them for days and she hadn't. He prided himself on reading people and hoped that this was no different; that his guard hadn't been down.

Simon eventually made his way onto the balcony. He rested the butt of the gun on the wooden boards that made up the floor. "You think these people are honest?"

"No one's honest in this fuckin' world," Negan told him, staring outward, "But do I think they're going to kill us?" He shook his head, "No."

"Can we rally up with them?"

Negan looked at him honestly, "In time I think we could work our way up the fuckin' ranks. You saw how submissive those fuckin' guys were and you know they were her top guys."

"How long?"

"Could be months... a year even." Negan shrugged, "But I think we lucked out and caught a good break with these people... even if they are fuckin' weird as shit."

"Weird is an understatement," Simon said to him.

"You're right about that." He took a deep breath and glanced over when Simon tried to suppress a yawn. "Go to fuckin' bed. It's your time to."

"Nah... I can't. Not with-"

"They ain't coming back tonight."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I'm not," Negan confessed, "But call it a gut feeling."

Simon nodded and patted him on the back. "You know where to find me."

"Yeah..."

"I didn't mean to lead them up here to your room earlier," he went on, "They had a gun to my head."

"I know." Negan nodded, "Shit worked out and you were right about the fuckin' talking walkers. They were fuckin' out there alright."

"Who woulda thought." Simon raised his eyebrows. He hit him on the top of the arm with the back of his hand. "Your girl alright?"

"Yeah." He pressed his eyebrows together and put his hands on his hips, "Why?"

He shrugged. "Just asking."

Negan studied his expression a moment and then nodded and leaned back over the railing that overlooked the immediate area. "I'll call ya if I need ya."

"Alright buddy." Simon patted his back and headed back through the room.

For a few minutes Negan stood there taking it all in. The night was clear, stars in the sky and a night breeze blew across his face. He played with all the what-ifs in his mind for a few minutes before finally leaving the balcony and roaming toward one of the other rooms on the second floor to find Marilyn.

"Hey." He entered the room quietly and approached where she stood with her hands on the bottom of a window sill.

"Hi." The look she always had for him hung on her face and her eyes lit up just a bit.

Negan crossed the room and without another word took her face in his hands and kissed her meaningfully on the lips. "You're not alright." He pulled back and looked at her, concern in his eyes.

"I'm scared," Marilyn admitted. "These people have control over our situation right now."

"I know." He swallowed hard and hugged her. A surge of warmth rushed through him when she hugged him hard and buried the side of her face into his chest. "You trust me?"

"Yes."

"I think our groups are going to be able to work together." Negan ran a hand through her hair and down her back. "I'm a little fuckin' scared too," he admitted, "But don't tell anyone else that."

"I won't." She ran both of her hands up the back of his shirt and then looked up at him.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No... say it," he demanded softly in a voice just above a whisper. "Please."

Marilyn shook her head. "It's shallow in comparison."

"Talk to me honey."

"Was there really chemistry... between you and Alpha?"

Negan kissed her forehead and then looked her in the eye. "No. I have a knack for being able to say the right thing at the right time. It's been part of the reason I've survived. I was just talking shit to try to make a deal."

"Can I ask you something without you taking it personally?"

"Yes."

Marilyn saw his features tense a bit from the pull at the corners of his eyes and how he swallowed a little extra hard. "Did you ever do that with me? Talk shit... to get me to..." She couldn't think of the proper words.

"No," Negan said immediately. "Marilyn, I-"

"I know you haven't," she shook her head, scolding herself, "It was a dumb question. I'm sorry."

"Look at me honey." When Marilyn raised her eyes to his he could see she was fighting back tears. "I love you. That's no fuckin' line."

"I know." She put her hand over his when he placed it on her face again.

"I hope so."

"I do."

Negan looked around the room and sat down in a chair in the corner before waving her down onto his lap. "You're the only one that I don't have to beat my fuckin' chest around."

"What?"

He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I don't so shit like this with anyone. I've never given you a line. I gave you a room with extra windows at the Sanctuary. I gave you extra food... a job outside." Negan smirked. "And that was all before we were sleeping together."

Marilyn let out a light laugh but felt tears fall down her face at the same time. She continued to laugh and cry at once. "I shouldn't have asked you that. You did so much for me."

"Don't cry honey."

"I'm scared Negan," Marilyn confessed. "I forget how unpredictable things can get once I get comfortable somewhere. And here I am being jealous even after you told me to play along." She dried her eyes and shook her head.

He brought his lips to her temple and cradled his hand around the back of her head. "If I can be a little shallow and a little deep but one hundred percent honest for a minute..." Negan's smile made her give a half smile back. "Can I see your hands?"

"My hands?" Marilyn held her hands out and Negan took them in his own.

"Shallow first," he said, guiding one of her hands down the front of his pants. When she chuckled he snickered, looking her in the eye. "That belongs to you... and only you." Negan took her other hand and put it in the center of his chest to feel his heart beat, still grinning from the fact that he got her to smile back. "Fuckin' feel the shit? That's yours too. Only yours."

Marilyn let out a deep breath and then leaned in and kissed him. "Well... that worked." She let out a light laugh.

Negan smiled back. "What do you mean?"

"That was one of the best things you've ever said to me."

"The first part or the second?" He teased.

"All of it." Marilyn kissed him again a little harder. "You make me laugh and you make me feel like a woman should feel. Every little hair on the back of my neck stood up and I got butterflies in my stomach when you just said that to me." She shook her head. "Should I still be feeling like this? Giddy around you... jealous... I don't know what's normal."

"I may come across differently, maybe because I'm a man or, shit, I don't know. But I fuckin' feel that shit. I couldn't wait for my shift to be over last night. When you were sleeping I just fuckin' watched you for a minute."

"You did?" Marilyn grinned.

"Sounds fuckin' weird saying that shit out loud."

"No it doesn't." She linked her arms around the back of his neck and kissed him again.

"This is going to work out Marilyn."

"I liked it with the four of us," she said honestly and slid one hand back over the center of his chest.

Negan hugged her against him a little more. "I wouldn't intentionally put you in harm's way."

"I'd trust you even if you told me to walk off a ten story building into a pile of walkers." She laughed. "How ridiculous is that?"

Negan smiled and stood up, keeping her in his arms as he did.

Marilyn clutched onto him a little tighter and giggled. "What are you doing?"

"Tucking you in... so I can fuckin' watch you sleep while I'm up all night."

She continued to smile as he carried her with ease out of the room, down the short hallway and into their bedroom. When he set her down on the center of the bed he kissed her once and reached for the covers.

"Get some sleep."

"Do you think they'll come back tonight?"

"No." He threw the covers up over her and leaned back down, touching his nose to hers for a second before finding her lips once more.

"I love it when you do that."

"Get some fuckin' sleep. Who knows what we're in for from here on out."

"Okay."

"And you don't have shit to worry about... anything."

"I know." She reached for his hand and her eyes landed on the band on her finger. "You called me your wife."

"If it's fuckin' weird or some shit for you-"

"No it's not. I just... is that what I am?"

"Do you want to be?"

Marilyn laughed lightly and toyed with the band. "Yeah."

"Okay." He cleared his throat and Marilyn could sense that was all he intended on saying about it.

She continue to smile. "Thank you Negan."

"Get some sleep," he repeated and released her hand with a wink.

Marilyn closed her eyes as he wandered toward the balcony. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight honey."


	78. Kryptonite

After a relatively typical day a knock came at the door not long after nightfall. Negan glanced up at Simon who sat across the table in the kitchen from where he sat polishing off the last of a bowl of oatmeal.

Marilyn and Nina rounded into the kitchen and Negan immediately got to his feet, instructing both of them to grab weapons just in case they needed them. When the second knock came he strolled to the door, pulling the blinds down just enough that covered the small window before whipping the door open with a smile.

"Did you miss me?" He asked, dimples highlighting a smile he wore so perfectly it almost appeared real.

Alpha removed her mask to stare at him more directly. "You're all coming with us for the night."

Negan leaned his forearm against the wooden frame of the open door. "Is that right?"

"That's right. I have my people just outside the fences. We'll take you."

"Give us a second to pack some shit."

"No." Alpha shook her head, "We have food... shelter... clothing. You all come as you are now."

"You know," Negan leaned in a little closer, still grinning. "I'm not the type that likes to be bossed around... but for you, Alpha..." He stared her up and down. "I'll do anything. This gritty, G.I. Jane thing you have going on is really fuckin' getting it done for me."

She stared at him for a moment and then waved him on, "Let's go... all of you."

"Shotgun." He reached his hand back knowing Marilyn would take it and the two of them led the march out of the cabin toward the gates where two trucks were waiting outside.

"You and you," Alpha pointed at Negan and Simon, "You come in this car." She motioned to Marilyn and Nina, "And you two in that one."

"No," Negan said shaking his head feeling Marilyn immediately clutched his hand firmer. He hardened his features, "We're fuckin' riding together."

Alpha smiled wickedly, "So... he does have a kryptonite." She raised her gun at him, "We're all going to the same place. Don't make this get messy when it doesn't have to."

"I don't fuckin' know you... or them." He shook his head. "We're not separating."

"We're taking a big chance letting you come see our camp... and we've allowed you to stay on our territory - territory that had already been claimed." She didn't blink or move, she simply stared back at him without lowering her weapon. "Now you'll have to show your trust in us as we have with you."

"Same place?" Marilyn asked, attempting to appear stronger than she felt.

"Of course." Alpha smiled at her with a look as if to say 'I'm in control'.

Negan looked at Marilyn and as bad as she didn't want to leave him she wanted Alpha to lower her gun from the center of his chest.

"You've got ten seconds to make a decision," Alpha explained. "And then this peace offering is off the table and you become our enemies."

"It's okay." Marilyn viscously fought back the urge to cry but she didn't so much as get glazed over eyes despite the lump in her throat. "We'll be right next to you."

Negan's hand tightened around her and he pulled her close so her ear was touching his lips. "We go separate ways in the vehicles I'm going fuckin' apeshit on them. I don't care what happens to me after that."

"It won't come to that," she whispered back hearing Alpha's menacing count down in the background. Marilyn kissed him when she heard the number four and reluctantly let go of his hand and walked toward the truck that Alpha had set up for her.

"Smart woman." Alpha looked back to Negan as she stopped counting. "Now... we can go."

Negan couldn't contain a glare and watched every step of the way as Marilyn entered through the back door of the truck with Nina a step behind. He arched his neck as the door closed and then slammed his fist against the truck that Alpha was prepared to drive.

"You called shotgun," she explained, motioning for one of her own met to get in the back with Simon. "Hop in."

Negan stared again at the other truck, eying the driver. His only solace was that the passenger in that vehicle was a female from the Whisperer group.

"Coming?" Alpha stared up the engine as she slammed the door behind her prompting Negan to do the same.

He stared out the window never, looking away from the truck but spoke to Alpha as he let his arm hang out. "Anything happens to her and I'll kill you," he said quietly.

Her laughing response infuriated him and he recognized the shifting of the chess pieces. As he had once felt in control this was no longer the case. Alpha had trumped his best moves when she separated him from Marilyn.

"She'll be fine, I assure you." Alpha cruised the truck forward, nodding once to the driver of the vehicle next to them.

"What's the driver like?" Negan asked.

Alpha glanced once at him. "What do you mean?"

"Of that truck... what's the fuckin' driver like? Is he a punk? A decent guy? A fuckin' rapist?"

"He's not any of those things."

"So what the fuck is he?"

"He's trustworthy."

"That don't mean shit with regards to how he handles precious fuckin' cargo when he's behind the wheel."

Alpha narrowed her eyes at him once as he drove. "You mean your wife." The phrase came out as a statement rather than a question. "Mr. Negan you don't seem like the type to fall in love easy."

"I'm not," he confirmed. "That's why I'm threatening your life if something happens to her."

"Someone like Marilyn doesn't come around too often?"

Negan kept his eyes on the rear view mirror to assure the other truck was trailing them. "You catch on pretty fuckin' quick."

"I assure you in time I'll impress you just as much as you impress me Mr. Negan."

He finally glanced over at her and paused before saying, "Just Negan."

"That's right." Alpha smiled and continued to stare outward. Several seconds passed before she spoke again. "We are all going to have a lot to talk about once we get home."

* * *

Marilyn sat silently in the back seat next to Nina though after the initial conformation that the two of them were together and okay she hadn't spoken. The initiative she had taken to oblige by their rules suddenly began to weigh on her as her eyes burned into the bright red tail lights in front of her.

A collection of question plagued her mind and assaulted her heart. What if I was wrong? What if we are separated? What if the trucks are going in two different directions and I never see Negan again?

Marilyn brought her thumb to her mouth, biting her nails in a nervous habit she'd had since she was a kid.

What if I made the wrong call? She thought, letting a breath out slowly through her nose.

For now, Marilyn knew, she would have to wait; have to stew in the fact that the immediate future was quite literally a pair of dice rolling on top of a felt casino table. She felt suddenly sickened by the thought that she has left their situation up to nothing but chance.


	79. Tents

Negan mapped out the route from the cabin to the Whisperers' camp in his mind. He tried to engrain every turn, every side road. This was the first time their group had vacated the camp grounds that had provided the refuge they'd seeked upon the fall of The Sanctuary. Leaving that bubble was enough to make even his stomach twist in knots. No one else would have ever known. For that, he kept his eyes open and his head low in search of other cars; people. The last thing he needed was to run into a member of Rick's group. Their bonds with the Whisperers were no greater than skin deep at this point and therefore their loyalties lied to no one.

Fifteen minutes passed and trees began to blend together. After some initial chatter to either gain information about him or for the simple fact of talking, Alpha grew as silent as the rest of them.

"We're almost there," was the most she spoke during the final haul, the last five minutes.

"Great." Negan eyed the headlights of the truck behind them again and felt the uneasiness drifting away just slightly as they closed in on their destination.

"I told you she'd be alright," Alpha explained, smirking once.

"Let's hope you keep your word."

"So, you were just bullshitting me then."

Negan turned to her, "I was bullshitting you?" he huffed a laugh and shook his head.

"When you told me the G.I. Jane look got it done for you." Alpha raised her eyebrows, "Or that we had chemistry... you and I."

"I'm married," he reminded her but then added, "I'm not fucking dead. My dick moves a little when you get all sassy, how's that?"

She whipped her head in his direction but then immediately refocused on the road.

Negan glanced at Simon out of the corner of his eye and then targeted Alpha again. "Don't crash in the last few minutes honey."

"You're a... complicated man."

"You have no fuckin' idea."

She didn't respond at first, thinking about what to say back to get herself a step ahead of his charismatic approach at communication. "And again back to the sweet talk."

"Sweet?" He laughed again and relaxed a bit when a tall fence came into view and two gates opened to allow both trucks to enter. "I'm anything but."

"Now that's a lie."

"You don't know much about me Alpha."

"I see the concern you have for Marilyn." She rounded a corner and pulled the truck to a halt before forcing him this time to look her in the eye. " _That's_ sweet."

"About as sweet as the love you have for your daughter I'm sure," he challenged.

"Perhaps." She killed the engine and abruptly opened the door before hopping out.

Negan sat still for a moment before piling out as he saw Simon exit out the back door. When Marilyn exited the second truck he felt a rush of relief and walked up toward her.

"You alright?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Are you?"

"Yeah." Negan cleared his throat, "You and I are going to have to sit down and have a serious talk."

"I didn't mean to make the call to get into the truck. I just thought-"

"It's not about that." He looked her in the eye and nodded adamantly, having the urge to put a hand on her face but he refrained.

Before Marilyn could ask what it was about Alpha was rounding them up.

"I'll find you two a room soon enough and you can enjoy some quiet time." She narrowed her eyes at Negan, almost rolling them as she studied their body language. "Let me show you how we live... where we live... what we do. I'll answer your questions, you'll answer some of mine and if all is well we'll turn in for the night. There is plenty of room for four more."

Marilyn stared up at Negan, who nodded reassuringly and allowed her a step ahead of him. Simon and Nina linked up next to them and Simon looked at Negan as they began the walk toward an oversized building.

"What's the plan?" he whispered.

"Take mental fuckin' notes," Negan told him quietly, "And we'll compare later."

Simon nodded, glancing around and burying his face next to Nina's ear to whisper something to her.

"Negan, do you think this is okay?" Marilyn asked as the building grew closer with each step.

"I think we're alright." He pulled her to him and kissed her temple subtly.

"I don't want to be away from you again. I shouldn't have done that getting into the trucks."

"You did good doll." Negan dug his fingers into her shoulder. "That was the right fuckin' call."

"I don't want to be away from you," Marilyn repeated.

"Seems like we'll get our own fuckin' room," he whispered, "Play along with my stupid bullshit for now. Please don't take-"

"I won't take it personal," she vowed, "I'm sorry for last night."

"Don't be." Negan straightened up and took a deep breath when Alpha threw a door open to welcome them into a building that he could see was surrounded by tents and small structures as they grew closer.

"If this goes well you'll get tents of your own," Alpha pledged, "There are enough to go around. We have extra."

"Savages huh?" Negan snickered and smiled, "It suits your fucked up lifestyle."

"Aren't we all a little fucked up?" She, now, leaned on the frame of the door and eyed him in such a way that would have otherwise made Marilyn furious if it weren't for their current 'up in the air' conditions.

"I suppose we are." Negan motioned with his hand. "Lead the way."

"After you." Alpha held her place holding the door open and allowed the four of them in ahead of her.

"No offense honey," Negan said as they entered, "But we were fuckin' enjoying a cozy bed at the cabins... not some half-ass camping equipment."

She closed the door and joined them all inside. "Well right now you'll have to play your cards right to get a tent... we'll talk about what you can do later to get that bed back."

Alpha and Marilyn made eye contact for a brief second before she continued showing them around almost mindlessly.

The short period of time went by with simple remarks. "Here's the main bathroom, the wash room... no men's and women's, it first come, first served." They wandered toward an area where food was prepared and just the bare minimum of medical supplies.

When all was said and done Alpha faces the four of them with no fear and a look of utter confidence. "I'll guess by now that you aren't going to make a run for it. You're not dumb enough to take us on. Keep your weapons... I'll get you tents. Set them up where ever you'd like."

"Thank you Alpha." Negan nodded, playing along as Marilyn linked her fingers through his.

Alpha dropped her eyes to the subtle display of affection as Simon thanked her next.

"Negan..." Alpha looked at him. "Come with me for a moment and I'll get your shelters in place."

He hesitated, glancing quickly at Marilyn before following Alpha into the next room.

"What can I fuckin' help you with sweet heart?"

"I'm not tall enough to reach where the tents are stored." She paced the room and headed toward the back throwing open a closet. "We made it a mission of ours to get things like this."

Negan looked upward as she motioned to a high shelf. "What the fuck am I looking at?"

"Those two rectangular boxes," Alpha pointed. "They're yours."

Negan followed her instructions and removed the boxes, struggling a bit as he pushed himself all the way up onto his toes to reach for them.

"We have a lot of shit to still talk about," he said, huffing a breath as he pulled the tents down.

"We do," Alpha confirmed matter-of-factly with a nod. "But you should all rest first."

Negan dropped the boxes to the floor and took a breath before looking back at her. "Why the fuck are you doing this shit? I mean aside from separating us into two trucks you've been more than fuckin' alright."

"I have a feeling about you is all." She closed the gap between them. "Don't let me down." Her hand traced down his stomach and she looked up to him, tapping his belt buckle as she did. "I really... really don't want to have to kill you."

Negan eyed the open door where Marilyn, Simon and Nina waited for him and looked back at Alpha.

"I hope not." He stared her down for a moment, edging slightly closer to her in a teasing fashion and then stepped back to pick up the two boxes. "Thanks for tent."

As Negan passed by she added quietly with heavy, obvious innuendo, "It'll be the second tent you pitch tonight."

He glanced over his shoulder once at Alpha as he headed toward the door, hoisting the boxes up over his shoulder. "Goodnight Alpha."

"Yup..." She watched him disappear out of the door and then closed the closet door and headed out to make her rounds.

Sent from my iPhone


	80. Camp Site

"Are we really fuckin' staying here?" Simon asked quietly as the four of them headed to a quiet nook at the unusual compound. They passed by many others who were sporting flesh masks and others who appeared as if they were trying to make due. "I'm not putting on that skin shit."

"I ain't wearing that shit either," Negan said back, eying a back area where no one else seemed to be. "We play along and feel it out for now."

"What did Alpha say?" Marilyn asked as they walked.

"She just gave us this shit," he explained, "Said we could work up to getting the cabin back."

"Why wouldn't they just let us stay there," Nina commented, more thinking aloud than anything.

"I wouldn't," Negan admitted. He looked to Marilyn again. "Want to help me set this one up?"

"Sure."

The four of them took their respective tents and set up a secluded camp amongst the group.

"I wonder if she'll make us sleep separately too," Marilyn said as they carried on.

Negan looked at her a moment, shoving a spike into the ground with his foot that attached to a rope. When he finished he rounded to the side she was working on and helped her do the same, sending another spike into the ground that Marilyn couldn't quite get to settle into the ground.

"Thanks," she said to him.

"Hey..." Negan cleared his throat and Marilyn glanced up at him. "This fuckin' sucks... I know. But we can probably work our way up the ranks here if we play our cards right."

"Yeah?" Marilyn asked. She put her hands on her hips, unable to form a smile on her face.

"I think so." He tried to read her expression. "We're going to be alright. It's weird as shit here but-"

"You're the new people?" a female voice cut him off and Negan whipped around to face the person.

"Apparently so," Simon said back first, staring at the girl who appeared to be in her late teens.

"I'm Lydia," she introduced herself, "I think my mother brought you all here."

"Alpha?" Nina asked.

Lydia nodded. "Yeah."

"What's the deal with all the weird skin wearing and the tents and shit?" Negan asked her.

The young woman smiled. "Yeah I can't deny it's a little off. We've lived among them unnoticed."

"Among them?" Marilyn asked.

"Yeah." Lydia sighed and looked at the pair of tents they were setting up.

"So it's alright here?" Marilyn went on, "You're happy?"

"I'm existed." She managed a small smile that faded rather quickly.

"What the hell's that mean?" Simon asked.

"I guess that's what we're all doing right?" Lydia asked them.

"Why aren't you happy?" Marilyn asked, seeing a distance in her eyes.

She hesitated, opening her mouth to speak and then pulled back before giving a more generic answer. "The world... ya know?"

"Yeah... but at least you're safe."

Lydia didn't immediately respond. She gave the same forced smile as before and shrugged. "Let me know if you need anything. I told my mom I'd see to it that you were settled." She paused and let her eyes dance back and forth between the four of them. "You're settled right?"

Marilyn and Negan looked at each other before he nodded. "We're settled. Thank you Lydia."

"Okay." There was an unmistakable timidness in her body language. "I'll be in the building there if you guys need anything."

"Thank you." Negan leaned forward, extending his hand to shake hers and was taken off-guard when she jumped back, prompting him to do the same.

"I'm sorry." Lydia huffed a relieved laugh and shook her head. "Sorry."

"Are you okay?" Marilyn asked her.

"Yeah... yeah I'm just jumpy I guess."

Negan held his hands up by his chest, not about to reach toward her again. "We're alright. You can tell Alpha that."

"Will do." Without another word Lydia spun around and headed away.

The four of them immediately exchanged glances and Marilyn was the first to speak, first looking at Negan and then to Nina. "Something was wrong with her."

"Maybe she's traumatized from this shitty world," Nina suspected.

She shook her head. "It's been so long. We've been in this for years. If they've thrived in this community for so long then what is she so jumpy about? She should feel somewhat secure."

"Everyone's a little neurotic in their own way," Simon added. "Some get angry, some get scared; sad." He shrugged. "Just a young girl thrown into a world of nightmares."

Negan watched the girl glance over her should at them while she continued to walk away. "There's definitely something going on there." He agree with Marilyn, "She jumped back like I just raised a fuckin' hand to her."

Marilyn nodded. "I hope she's alright."

They stood in silence taking it all in for a moment before Negan nodded toward the tent that was nearly up. "Want to finish this shit so you can rest?"

She nodded again. "Yeah... not that I'll be able to rest but at least the option will be there."

"I'm going to stay up," he told her.

"You're not staying in here with me?"

"I am." Negan nodded adamantly and looked her in the eye. "I'm usually up all night keeping watch. I want you to feel comfortable sleeping. I'll stay up so you can rest."

Marilyn felt bad for jumping to conclusions and nodded. "Okay... I'm sorry."

He pulled her to him and kissed her, leaving his nose touching hers as he opened his eyes and spoke against her lips. "You're my fuckin' world honey. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Marilyn touched her lips back to his and closed her eyes when he continued to keep his face against hers after their embrace was over.

"I love you," he assured her in a quiet whisper. "Please don't doubt that shit."

"I don't."

"Good." He kissed her quickly another time and then finished getting their tent ready before unzipping it and tossing in some blankets that were in the box they'd be given.

"Catch ya on the flip side," Simon said lightheartedly despite their circumstances.

"Flag me down if something fucked up happens," Negan said to him, "I'm staying up."

"Me too."

"Goodnight Marilyn," Nina called with a wave.

"Goodnight Nina." She sighed and piled in first with Negan a step behind her.

He clicked on a small flashlight that he'd kept in his pocket and illuminated the dark interior. For several seconds they sat there in silence, alternating between staring at one another and eying the ground before Marilyn finally laid down flat on a blankets and removed a sweatshirt she had been wearing to use as a pillow.

Negan slowly crept in behind her and wrapped his arms around her, covering her legs with one of his and kissing her neck and shoulders. "Every twist, turn and fight we're in together."

"I know." She squeezed his hand as he drifted it up the tanktop she was wearing and rested it on one of her breasts with no intention of doing anything else. When she let out a short, decompressing moan he gave one back.

"Try to get some sleep honey," hey whispered in her ear.

"Alpha wants you," Marilyn said to him, finally letting the words leave her mouth.

"Yeah..." Negan didn't deny it. He could see the attraction the woman had for him, feeling partially to blame for laying on his so-called charm so thick, and didn't bother trying to lie. "Sucks for her."

"Mmm..."

"I'm honest with you Marilyn," Negan told her, pulling her tighter into his embrace. "I'm not going to pretend I don't know that, and I may try to use it to our advantage but I hope you won't fuckin' forget what I said to you last night at the cabin. That's the truth and I don't know how to fully convince you of that."

She would have turned to him if they weren't laying so perfectly and comfortably together. "I'm convinced." Marilyn pulled the back of his hand to her lips and then guided it back down toward her chest. She leaned into him some more when his lips danced across her shoulder. "What did you want to talk to me about before when we got out of the truck?"

"I just... I just want to reassure you that I may have to play a role here... act a certain way that in no way reflects how I really fuckin' feel. I know it's come up, but we need to fuckin' communicate regularly about this shit. I want you to feel okay... and if you're not then you need to tell me."

Marilyn sighed, "Just as long as Alpha's conditions don't include you sleeping with her then I'll be okay."

"Not a fuckin' chance." He sighed against her neck and squeezed her breast with his hand. "Every fuckin' part of me belongs to you."

"Okay," she said quietly, letting a genuine, fleeting smile cross her face.

Negan brought his lips back to her ear and whispered as he often did. "Try to get some sleep."

"Don't leave me."

"I won't," he vowed, still whispering against her. Negan kicked off his boots and rubbed his foot against her calf before joining his feet with hers. "I fuckin' love you honey."

Marilyn whispered back. "I fucking love you too Negan."


	81. Be Right Back

Negan alternated between laying down, sitting up and wandering a few steps outside the tent on the first night at the Whisperers' camp. He was uneasy at best and hated being so completely unaware of the people that surrounded him. Were the good? Were they not? He didn't know - not that he couldn't hold his own but something about Lydia's body language made him fear for Marilyn's safety... and Nina's. He knew it wasn't the world or the walkers that made the girl flinch the way he did and he was going to make it a mission to get to the bottom of it.

There wasn't much going on at the camp, though he had the urge to investigate the grounds and see what this odd group was all about. He wasn't about to leave Marilyn alone, however, and so he stayed put attempting to listening to the new sites and sounds and take in what he could from where they set up their own little camp.

More than once Negan had heard cars coming and going, some roaring by on a street that he assumed wasn't far behind the wall where their tents were. The Whisperers had organization of their own and despite their unorthodox claims of living amongst the undead and wearing their skin for protection, they were a solid unit in their own right.

There was never a time Negan wished he wore a watch more than that time. He had no idea what hour of the night it was when his eyes began to feel just a little heavy. The air was sticky and warm, the result of an early summer humidity that lingered over the small Virginia community. He sighed and wiped sweat from his forehead, deciding to exit the tent where he sat beside Marilyn to give the area a scan again.

He hadn't been an avid concert-goer but the scene reminded him of a campground from Woodstock, or some other hippie-based rock community. The people were off, much different than what he was used to and he would have compared Alpha to Charlie Manson in his mind if he didn't see that it was _he_ who left the impression on _her_. In his mind she wasn't all that convincing, though had qualities that he could see others following.

A figure running around in the darkness caught his eye and Negan held his seated position to take it in as he was still masked by the darkness. He watched as they went from tent to tent, prompting lights to flicker on, and people to spring up, either joining in on the wake-up process or running down past the main structure in the center of all the tents.

 _Something's up_ , he knew and rose to his feet.

"Go now!" a voice demanded, "Get your masks!"

Simon emerged from the tent next to Negan and rubbed his eyes. "What's up?" he whispered. "I hear something."

Negan nodded toward the collection of men and women running toward the front where they had come in on the trucks.

"Are we being raided?" Simon wondered aloud, scratching his head.

"I don't think so." Negan pointed toward the rest of the community members who either walked aimlessly around the area upon being woken up or went back into their tents. "No... it's something else."

"Stay in your tents," a male voice demanded when he recognized the two of them were out. His voice wasn't cold or harsh, just urgent.

"What the fuck's going on?" Negan asked.

"Alpha is leading a group to Alexandria."

Negan hesitated, exchanging a glance with Simon before looking back to the man. "For what?"

"An attack."

"Why?"

"We're at war with them."

"You're at war with... Alexandria?" Simon asked.

"You know of them?"

"Just heard of the community," Negan lied, "Are they that stupid to pick a fuckin' fight with those people?"

The man looked at them funny and then smiled. "We've already taken several people from there."

"Taken?"

"Well..." When the man didn't immediately continue Negan stepped forward.

"Are people from that community here?" He needed to know for his own sake.

"Not exactly."

"Stop being so fucking halfass with the way you're saying shit. Spit it out."

"We took a few insubordinate ones, the ones who fired shots on our people."

Negan waited patiently for a moment and then put his hands out to the sides and bellowed the word, "And..."

The man looked over his shoulder and motioned to the high wall. "On the other side there... that's where they are."

"You're making zero fuckin' sense to me."

"They're dead," he said finally, launching the last word from his mouth. "I have to go."

"Look are these people going to come raid this fucking place when you lose this fight?"

"We don't lose." The man shook his head, grinning to himself again. "And no one knows about our camp." He eyed Simon for a moment before nodding. "Staying put back here is the smart thing to do. The disagreement we have with them this time should be over by dawn."

Negan and Simon watched the man as he headed toward another collection of tents before looking at one another.

"We should get the fuck out of here," Simon suggested.

"I want to fuckin' see these so-called dead ones on the other side of the wall. Sounds to me like they're talking shit. How are a bunch of fuckin' weird, skin wearing motherfuckers going to over take Rick's communities." He shook his head. "I smell bullshit."

"Should we check it out?"

Negan eyed the height of the wall knowing he could make it up and over. Not knowing what the man was talking about or if he was telling the truth was already eating at him and he needed answers.

"There more we know, the better off we'll be," Simon added, complimenting Negan's thoughts.

"Yeah." He eyed the wall again and felt along his waist for the weapons he had been allowed to keep. "I'm fuckin' going."

Simon looked at the wall and began to second-guess himself. "What if the guy was setting you up?"

"Well then he'd be fucking idiot... because he has no idea who the fuck he's dealing with." Negan glanced down at the tent where Marilyn slept. "Can you keep an eye on both of them for a few minutes?"

Simon continued to stare at him a moment as if to ask, are you sure you want to do this, but rather have a nod. "Yeah... yeah no problem."

Negan nodded back and tipped the corner of his mouth up in a small, appreciative smile. "I'll be right back."


	82. Beta

The world on the opposite side of the wall was quiet, dark, still. When Negan's boots landed on the forest floor with a soft crunch from the scattered leaves he stopped and took in his surroundings. There were faint growls from somewhere nearby but otherwise there was nothing. He glanced around the collection of trees before keeping himself as light on his feet as possible.

Negan wasn't at all frightened - just a bit intrigued and a slightly anxious from the curiosity. After a few minutes when he found nothing he began to wonder if the Whisperer he'd spoken to meant that the people they killed were on the other side of the wall as walkers. If that was the case he didn't know if he'd be able to identify them anyway and on some level would make the search party less interesting.

It wasn't until he saw a still figure up ahead near a clearing that his adrenaline began to pump just slightly, leaving a faint tingling sensation in his arms and legs. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the small flashlight he'd used before to provide some lighting for the tent and clicked it on, shining it up ahead.

 _So much for the element of surprise_ , he thought to himself.

Negan didn't know what to make of the figure as he got closer and the image become more clear. At first he thought, again, it was remnants of a walker but soon recognized that what he was staring at was much different, and would certainly been disturbing to the average person even in the apocalypse.

"What the fuck..." He gave a light laugh at the absurdity of the setup but really didn't know why he was laughing. Negan secretly attributed it to going slightly mad since seeing all that he'd seen along the way and that's why the severed head impaled on the tall spike in front of him didn't make him cringe. The first thought in his mind was simply: Why? What's the strategy behind this?

The lifeless eyes of the former human being stared back at him with a face that looked twisted with pain and fear - potentially the last two feelings the individual experienced.

"Sick fucks." Negan laughed to himself again and carried on to a second, tall stake in the ground with yet another head the wore a similar expression to the first. By the second, third and fourth he didn't recognize anybody - not that they couldn't be Rick's people but no faces rang a bell until he came to the end of the row of murders two find two former Saviors. Much to his surprise their expressions were a lot like the others - the wide-eyed look of fear could not be mistaken for anything else.

"Shit..." He shook his head.

Negan stood still for a moment, taking in the two Saviors before hearing the crunching of leaves behind him. Without warning he spun around with his gun raised to find an angry woman beneath one of the skin suits that the Whisperers had turned into their own personal clothing lie. For a moment he thought it might've been Alpha until she spoke.

"Who the fuck are you?" She held a gun in one hand and a knife in the other.

"Easy." His eyes burned back into hers.

"Who the fuck are you?" The woman asked again.

"A friend of Alpha."

"Bullshit," she hissed.

"The skin suits, the whispers, the fuckin' tent brigade in there." Negan waved a hand, "I jumped the wall to see what dead one's that shithead was talking about in there. I thought he was bluffing."

The woman paused, taken off-guard by the fact that he knew so much. She looked him in the eye.

"Since she's Alpha... does that make you Beta?" Negan gave a hearty laugh at his own joke but saw the woman's posture change yet again.

"That's right." She glared at him now.

"Holy fuckin' shit," he laughed louder, prompting her to look around uneasily around the empty forest, "I just took a wild fuckin' guess. Your name's really fuckin' Beta?"

"That's what they call me."

"Fuck me shit." Negan held his chest to continue laughing prompting her fingers to coil harder around the handle of the gun.

"You're not supposed to be out here," Beta informed him.

"I was just checking out the fuckin' trophy case." Negan motioned to the row of severed heads. "Murderer's row?" When she didn't react he raised his eyebrows, "I'm guessing you're not a baseball fan or you'd know what I'm fuckin' talking about."

"The Yankees in the 1920's," she shot back unexpectedly, making him grin and her scowl harder, "I just didn't find it fuckin' funny. Where's your skin suit?"

"I haven't heard my stripes yet I suppose."

"You're with the new group that just came in?" Beta suspected, suspiciously eying him up and down.

"That's right," Negan confirmed. "Am I going to get a slap on the wrist for being out past my fucking curfew?"

"Smart mouth." She shook her head, "I'm not too fond of that."

"I'm not too fond of your uptight demeanor Beta. Do you ladies consider yourselves a pack of wolves? Is that why you have the fuckin' nicknames?"

"Alpha is the leader. The name suits her. She's a great leader but I have to question why she didn't just kill a guy like you?" Beta looked him up and down again.

"Well from the way she's been sexually harassing me since we've met I have an idea why," Negan let his eyebrows rise and fall several times in a row and then winked.

"You're fucked up."

He laughed. "You're collecting heads and wearing human skin... and I'm fucked up. Man has this world gone ass backwards."

"World? What world?"

Negan put his hands out to the sides and motioned to the trees and everything else all around them. "It ain't pretty but it's something."

"It's dead is what it is... we're all just animals trying to survive."

"Fits my wolf theory about you ladies."

Beta cocked her gun back and nodded toward the wall. "We're going back inside."

"You aren't nearly as friendly as your Alpha partner there."

She pressed the barrel to his chest and Negan purposely submitted, still grinning. "You're really ruining my fuckin' fun out here."

"I don't give a shit." Beta began to guide him toward the camp, switching her position so the gun was placed in the center of his back as they walked.

"Why aren't you at the fuckin' raid with the rest of them?"

"Raid?"

"Aren't you people attacking Rick Grimes?"

"How do you know Rick Grimes?"

"Let's just say we have a complicated past."

Beta paused. "We're at ends with them. No one's raiding anyone. Alpha just wants to talk."

"I'm sure."

"Who are you to judge?" She continued to push him forward. "You look like a man who's done some things."

"Well I'd say you have a good read on me then honey."

"I'm not your honey."

"Oh, I don't want you to be." Negan smiled again when he felt her dig the barrel of the gun harder into his back. "You know I could've climbed back over that wall and saved you the fuckin' trouble." He paused when she didn't respond and then went on, "And what the fuck is up with Lydia?"

"You know Lydia?"

"Skittish as shit. What the fuck happened to her?"

"She's weak is all."

"Weak? She's survived this fuckin' long, how weak can she be?"

"Alpha thinks she needs to get tougher." Beta repeated her previous statement, "In an animalistic world you don't want to be the sheep... and that's what Lydia is - a sheep in a world of wolves."

"Yeah... so what's Alpha do to try to 'tough up' her daughter." Negan's nonchalant use of the air quotes despite having a gun in his back infuriated Beta as she began to see her typical methods of intimidation were virtually ineffective.

"I could pull the trigger right now and end your life," she told him.

"I'm fuckin' aware of that."

"And you're not scared?"

"It's not in my nature. I'm very aware that my time will come. It's common sense; a known fuckin' fact of life, especially this life if you've been paying any fuckin' attention to how things work nowadays. So no... I'm not fuckin' scared honey."

"Don't tempt me."

Negan swiftly grabbed Beta by the arm, twisting her body around and causing her to finger to squeeze the trigger sending a round off into the air.

"What the fuck?" Beta tried to get away but he held her arms firmly and stared her down for a moment.

"Are _you_ scared Beta? I have my own gun and I can easy disarm you right now." He gave a small, menacing smile and let it fade right away. "Seems like Lydia isn't the only one in need of some training."

"Fuck you." She spit in his face, an act that would have typically made him fly off the handle but he remained calm. "If you're going to do something just fucking do it."

"Do what?"

"Kill me... have your way with me... I don't give a shit."

"Don't fuckin' flatter yourself." Negan pushed her away and continued to walk casually back toward the front entrance.

"If it wasn't for Alpha I would pull the trigger right now."

"Yeah... but you're not in charge," he taunted, "You're just Beta. Alpha's the boss." Negan turned and looked her in the eye. "And I really couldn't give less of a fuck. If you had any amount of balls you'd make your own decisions... Beta." He over pronounced her name to emphasize that she was not in charge.

"I have a lot more pull here than you think," she assured him, "When Alpha comes home with Rick's head a stick... yours could be next."

"Doubtful." Negan continued his casual stroll back to the camp and could tell it was infuriating the woman even more. When she stormed off as they both entered safely he knew there was a possibility that he would be in for some shit and so he decided to go try to get some sleep so he would be mentally sharp for whenever it was that Alpha would approach him.


	83. Animals

_Alexandria, 5:00 am_

"You killed our allies," Rick Grimes stated, standing before Alpha at the gates of Alexandria. "Those two guards at the Hilltop. They were good people."

"It's nothing personal, you should know this Rick." Alpha stood proudly in her skin suit staring at the man she was currently at ends with. "But if we cannot get along I assure you this game will get a whole lot worse for you. You've seen the size of the undead herd my people have managed to contain. We can bring down all three communities at once if we wanted to and remain unharmed." She paused, "I showed you the herd because I wanted you to see that when I tell you I can destroy everything you've built, everything you love and all that you know, that is not an empty threat."

He narrowed his eyes. "Why would you want to destroy something that has taken years to build just for the sake of it?" Rick shook his head, "That's not something that makes sense to me. What are you living for?"

"You and your people are like children playing pretend," Alpha said. "Your way of life is fake and you've built a shrine to a world long dead. It is my people who are truly living . We live a life of freedom."

"Freedom?" Rick challenged, "Your people have to call you Alpha... they have to sleep in the cold during the winters and in the ninety degree humidity during the summer wearing dead human skin." He smiled but scoffed at her ideology. "That's not freedom... Alpha. We could all work together. There's room for you here. We can still make things work." He turned when Carl approached them with Lydia walking a step behind him.

Alpha studied her daughter for a moment and then called to her. "We'll go now Lydia."

"No," Carl intervened and looked at his father, who was about to challenge him. "Dad she can't go back with them."

"Carl-"

"They've done things to her!"

Alpha pressed her eyebrows together and looked at her daughter. "Lydia..."

"I can't go back there Mom." Lydia shook her head.

"It's Alpha," she replied coldly.

Rick looked from mother to daughter for a moment and then challenged Alpha again. "This is your freedom? I'd rather have a land of make believe."

"Those men," Lydia began to cry, "You let them... you let them just..." Carl grabbed her and hugged her against him as she continued to cry.

"She's staying here," he said forcefully, glaring at the girl's mother, "You're not going to let people hurt her anymore."

Alpha's expression softened just a bit and Rick's scowl grew bolder. "What goes on in your world Alpha?"

"I can't protect her," she admitted, getting a bit choked up despite how bad she tried to fight it. "To survive this world you need to be strong... and she's not. I didn't intervene. She needs to learn to fight for herself. Those men were stronger than her. She needs to learn-"

"She doesn't need to learn anything," Rick barked, "You are just an animal living in a human's world Alpha." He shook his head and turned as Alpha did the same. Rick knew she would not be back to fight for her daughter - and for that he felt a deep sorrow for the small loss for humanity.

* * *

 _Whisperer's Camp 7:00 am_

Negan was awoken from a relatively sound sleep given the surroundings when he heard voices coming from outside. His eyes flickered open just as Marilyn slipped back inside the tent and she spoke in an urgent whisper.

"Alpha wants to see you," she informed him, "And... Beta?"

"Jesus." Negan groaned and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"I think her daughter's gone Negan," Marilyn added quietly.

"What?" He rubbed his eyes and slowly rose to his feet, pulling on his boots as he slunk out of the tent.

The morning air felt refreshing, hitting him like a wave after a long, humid night. He straightened up as best as he could despite feeling stiff, achy and exhausted.

"How many people did you fuckin' lose last night Alpha?" he asked, "Challenging Alexandria and the other communities... fucking stupid."

"You should just kill him," Beta suggested, glaring at Negan for the interaction they shared the night before. "He doesn't live like us."

"Are you questioning my leadership Beta?" Alpha asked, prompting Beta to stand down as she immediately shook her head.

"No." She proceeded to kneel down on one knee, nodding in a sense of submission before Alpha nodded back.

"Go tend to the others for now who just came back."

Beta nodded, not saying another word before Alpha returned her attention back to Negan, Marilyn and Simon and Nina as they joined the two of them before her. With a grin Negan mockingly knelt down on one knee and stared up at her.

"Have we earned our places here yet?" he asked.

"I suppose you have," Alpha told him.

"What's with the heads on the fuckin' sticks out there?"

"Sending a message."

"Where's Lydia?" Marilyn boldly asked as Negan rose back to his feet.

"How do you know Lydia?"

"She came and introduced herself to us," Nina chimed in. "Yesterday not long after we got her."

"Oh did she..." Alpha's voice oozed with disapproval and she shook her head.

"I just heard you and Beta talking about her," Marilyn admitted.

"Did she go with you to Alexandria?" Nina asked, jumping in on the concern for the young girl upon sensing it from Marilyn.

"It's not really your business where she is."

"She's your daughter," Negan reminded her, "What's wrong with her?"

"She's weak," Alpha echoed Beta's words from the night before.

"Isn't that what civilization is all about?" he challenged, "The strong protect the weak and everyone survives together. We all have different roles; different fuckin' jobs and ranks and shit but we all survive."

"What civilization are you speaking of Negan?" Alpha shook her head, "This world is filled with animals now. We're back to our primal times; pure survival. The strong live and the weak die."

"I don't see it that way."

"Well then you're either blind or ignoring the cold truth. Rick has built a world of fantasy." Alpha shook her head, "It's not real. I see you share his views."

"So, what's real to you Alpha?" Negan shook his head.

"Survival."

"And you don't think the point of survival is to regain some sort of fuckin' civilization?"

"Civilization died a long time ago... and it's not coming back?"

"Where _is_ Lydia?" Marilyn asked hesitantly again. "I mean is she okay?"

"They have her," she replied. "I let them. She wanted to go so I didn't fight for her. Maybe they'll help her grow stronger."

"Why the fuck would a kid want to leave her own fuckin' mother?" Negan asked, shaking his head.

Alpha's hesitation showed Negan that despite the cold exterior there was a soft spot underneath for her daughter, even though she seemed to hate her for it. "I can't protect her. My leadership and her weakness do not go hand in hand. Maybe she needs the fake life that Rick can provide for her."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Negan..." Simon wanted to tell him to let it be but Alpha finally gave a response.

"Some of the men here, a few are my top guys - Kevin and Dylan... they've taken advantage of her... some of them. It's a part of life-"

"What the _fuck_ does that mean?" Negan bellowed.

"Don't raise your voice to me," Alpha went on, showing just an ounce of remorse. "I could've stopped it and I didn't. I thought I was helping her grow stronger." She shook her head, "That's why I let her go. She's better off with them over there at Alexandria."

"Maybe you fucking nutcases need me. Because if that's how you fucking do things you're so fucked in the head you might as well be dead bodies pretending you're still alive. You're the one pretending Alpha, not Rick Grimes. That shit is vile. You should be fucking ashamed of everything you stand for." Negan shook his head, "Protecting the weak is the whole fucking basis for civilization. If you're not protecting the weak, you're not civilized. You're fucking animals."

Alpha stared him in the eye, a mixture of ego, deadness and remorse all lingering in her gaze. "I know."


	84. Rollercoaster

Simon stared at Negan, his mouth hanging slightly open as Alpha bowed out of the conversation and left for the main building. Marilyn placed a hand on Negan's shoulder, making him flinch just slightly as he came out of the anger-laced daze from the words he shared with Alpha.

"We're getting the fuck out of here," he said to the three of them, though looked directly at Marilyn, "You're not staying behind these walls with those types of fucking people." Negan looked at Nina, "And neither are you."

"What are we going to do?" Nina asked him.

Negan almost felt high from the lack of sleep and the crazy collection of days that led up to where they were now. Still, his survival instincts fought it and he gathered some thoughts that he deemed logical. "Before the next night we're fucking out of here."

"We don't have a car," Simon reminded him. "These people and Rick's people are everywhere. We piss them off and we're public enemy number one for both parties."

Negan turned to him with a sinister glare. "What the fuck do you suggest we do then Simon? Do you want your girl living amongst a bunch of rapists. Are you going to be by her side every fucking second to make sure she's okay? You can fuckin' stay here. Marilyn..." He shook his head, "This is the only thing I'm not giving you a choice about. You're not staying here."

"Okay." She nodded, "Okay Negan. We'll figure it out."

"We're all in this together," Nina assured them, "The four of us. Whatever you decide, Negan, I'm all for it." She looked at Simon who nodded and looked back at his friend.

"That's right," Simon confirmed.

"Stay the fuck here." He pointed from Simon to Marilyn, "Do _not_ let her out of your sight."

"Where are you going?" Marilyn reached for his arm. "Negan..."

"I'm going to find Dylan and Kevin." Negan looked her in the eye and kissed her forehead, coming down temporarily off the anger-infused rage that Alpha's words had burned into his chest. His eyes hardened again. "And then we're going to figure out a way to keep you safer than this fuckin' place ever will."

"What about the girl?" Nina asked to no one in particular, but looked around the group.

"If she's with Rick," Negan said with a nod of respect, "Then she's safe." He turned and marched away. As bad as Marilyn wanted to stop him from doing what he was about to do she knew she couldn't stand in his way.

"You girls alright?" Simon asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

Nina nodded first and Marilyn continued to watch Negan go, never looking away but nodded in Simon's direction. When she could no longer see him in the mix of the people she finally looked to her friends. "Do you have any water?" Marilyn put a hand on her forehead and looked around.

"Are you okay?" Nina asked, reaching for a bottle that Simon passed her.

"Yeah... I think I'm dehydrated." She took in a deep breath and reached for the bottle, taking just a few sips before rushing to the back of the tent.

"Mar..." Nina followed and motioned to Simon to stay to give the two of them some privacy. "Marilyn." She put a hand on her back as she squatted down began to vomit. Nina reached for her ponytail and made sure it was out of the way, allowing her to continue before Marilyn finally took a breath to brace herself.

"I've been trying to fight that off for fifteen minutes," Marilyn admitted, letting out another breath.

"Are you okay?" Nina motioned to the water bottle prompting Marilyn to drink it in slow sips.

"You girls alright?" Simon shouted, arching his neck from the opposite side of the tent.

"Yeah we're fine!" Nina called back.

"Yuck... that was embarrassing," Marilyn made light of the situation and the girls shared a quick smile.

"Not to worry... I've been to many-a-keg-party in my day." She winked. "I've been both the puker and the friend in need. This was routine in my college days."

"I think Alpha might've poisoned me," she joked.

"She's trying to steal your man." Nina gave a light laugh and rubbed Marilyn's back again. "You okay?"

Marilyn took another sip from the bottle and nodded. "Yeah."

"Maybe you should lay down until Negan gets back."

She shook her head. "Not until I know he's okay."

"You need to rest." Nina pushed her hair back and looked her friend up and down. "What was the last thing you ate?"

"A granola bar." Marilyn walked toward the fence and leaned up against it. "Before that some oatmeal and pasta." She put a hand over her mouth and felt sick to her stomach again as she thought abstractly about the food.

"Are you okay?" her friend asked again.

She took a few steps and vomited again, this time prompting Simon to approach the two of them.

"Simon-" Nina began but Marilyn put a hand up in between heaves and interrupted her.

"It's fine." She grabbed her stomach and braced herself for another round of the impromptu stomach-sickness.

"Let it out," Simon encouraged. "Don't hold back."

Marilyn would have smiled if she was able to from his encouragement of her upchuck reflex. She tried her best to hurrying it along and finally found herself settling down, wiping tears from her eyes and slinking down to the ground to sit for a moment away from where she'd gotten sick.

"I hope it wasn't the fish," Simon joked, "Because I'd feel like shit since I caught it."

"I didn't eat the fish," Marilyn told him with a smile, "And it's been days since then anyway." She attempted to sip from the water bottle again. "Don't tell Negan I threw up."

"Why?" Nina asked.

"I just... he'll worry that's all."

"That's not a bad thing."

"Yes it is." She took a breath and began to rise to her feet. Simon leaned down and gave her his hand, pulling her up most of the way.

"You alright?" he asked again.

"I'm fine." Marilyn put her hands on her hips and breathed in the fresh air, "I just needed to get it out, that's all."

Simon nodded. "You should lay down."

"I'm fine," she repeated, nodding this time. "I might've been dehydrated or something." Marilyn raised the water bottle. "I'm all set now."

Nina shook her head. "I still think..." She smiled and shrugged, "Forget it. I know you won't."

Marilyn looked around, pleased to see that no one was paying attention to the three of them. "I hope Negan knows what he's getting himself into." She shook her head.

Simon looked at her reassuringly. "He created an entire community," he reminded her, "He knows what he's doing."

For some reason Marilyn found genuine reassurance in Simon's words. "You're right."

He winked. "Always am."

She sighed and shook her head. "Heaven help Keven and Dylan." Marilyn looked at Simon and Nina, "And then heaven help the four of us."

"Life is one big fucking rollercoaster ride," Simon motioned the ups and downs with his hand. "There's always another hill."

"Yeah... what's our next one?"

He looked her in the eye without the jest of playfulness he had a moment before. "We're about to find out."


	85. Step One

Negan stalked the camp grounds in search of Dylan and Kevin. Visually he had no idea who he was looking for and so he began asking around in search of the two men that Alpha had mentioned in their heated conversation.

Inside Negan wanted to be harsh; demanding - the way he might have been at the Sanctuary. But he knew he had to play his cards right and so he asked politely as he went.

"Excuse me." Negan approached a woman who was folding a blanket outside of her tent. "You wouldn't happen to know where I could find Dylan would you?"

"Dylan?" She looked around. "I haven't seen him."

"Does he have a tent of his own?"

"Blue and gray one," the woman nodded. "Somewhat near the entrance."

"Thank you." Negan gave a wide smile making the woman smile back. He turned and marched on in search of the tent she described. He decided he would look for Kevin at another time.

His eyes scanned the premises, eying each tent one by one until he finally saw one that was oversized and matching the colors he was told. From a distance he saw a man emerge from the entrance, talking and laughing with another and then headed for the building in the center of the camp.

Negan watched him go for a moment and then tailed him, keeping a far enough space in between the two of them so to not look suspicious. When the main door opened and closed he made his move, stalking the man he intended to kill the moment he got him alone.

In a brief moment of pause he made eye contact with Alpha, who stood speaking with a small group of people still in their skin suits. She continued talking though held his eye contact for an extra second before continuing on with what she was doing.

He didn't care. In Negan's mind all bets were off. He held onto the deep belief that Alpha wouldn't kill him and for that he went ahead with the act he felt was necessary to send a message as to where he came from. There were things in life that he tolerated, and things he didn't. Alpha's rules had crossed a line that he would never tolerate and killing off at least one of the men responsible was step one in getting back to a life he considered ideal in a half-dead world.

She didn't stop him, watching intently as Negan slunk in the building. Alpha could've went in after him - went to investigate - but she didn't.

Negan slowly closed the door behind him and walked down a short hallway, following the sound of the man singing to himself from a room off to the right. He looked into several empty rooms that were stocked with the bare minimum of supplies, mostly camping equipment and stray cans of food.

When he came to the room where the man was shuffling around Negan cleared his throat.

"Yo... shit." The young man laughed, "You scared the piss out of me dude."

"Dylan right?" Negan smirked.

"I have a reputation around here huh?" He put his hand on his chest and smiled, holding a hand out.

"You sure fuckin' do." Negan glanced down at his hand but didn't shake it, causing the young man to smiled awkwardly back at him before straightening back up.

"You the new guy that Alpha likes?"

"She likes me?"

"Hear-say." Dylan laughed again but cleared his throat and looked at Negan more nervously when he didn't laugh back. "Dude... if you want shit in here just take it." He looked him up and down.

"We have food," Negan explained.

"So... what the fuck's your deal then?"

He rounded the room, looking at the thin shelves that were scattered with random items. "Slim supply here."

"We're stocked up," Dylan assured him. "What do you want?"

"I, uh... I wasn't allowed to bring my baseball bat when Alpha brought us back." Negan raised his eyebrows. "Got one of those?"

He stared back and slowly shook his head. "Nah."

"Nothing?"

"Not that I'm aware of." Dylan studied Negan's movements as he closed the distance in between them.

"Well... that fuckin' sucks."

"We don't like to kill the dead anyway," he informed him. "We live among them. We have a heard in control. We use it to control people."

"Is that right?" Negan's voice grew more sinister putting a weaponless Dylan more on edge.

"That's right."

"You like controlling people? Does it make you feel powerful Dylan?"

"What do you want?" He shook his head.

"A baseball bat." Negan stood almost directly in front of him now.

"We don't fuckin' have one," Dylan shot back.

Negan let a slow smile form on his face, "Damn..." He shook his head and then reached into his hip for a knife and plunged it into Dylan's stomach, making his mouth drop open in pain as he gripped his midsection.

His bottom lip quivered and he looked at Negan. "Wh-why?"

Negan twisted the knife making him cry out in pain as his life began to slip away. "That's for Lydia."

"She was... she-"

"She was weak and only the strong survive in this fuckin' world, right?" Negan looked him in the eye in his final moments, shoving the knife deeper into his stomach. "Well my cowardly fuckin' friend... your time is up. You're right, the strong survive." He removed the knife and Dylan's body collapsed to the ground with a sickened thud. "This weak, strong bullshit you fuckin' tell yourselves just backfired didn't it?" He loomed over the dying man. "Because you ain't going to do shit to me."

Negan took it upon himself to prevent Dylan to cause any more pain, even in death and plunged the knife into his temple next. There was no mourning period; no remorse or even fear of consequence. Negan grabbed him by the arms, tucked him into the depths of a closet in the back of the room and slammed the door shut.

 _One down, one to go._

Negan wiped the blood from his hands and exited the room, taking the short hallway by himself before re-emerging into the general population of the Whisperer campground. Alpha stood leaning against the building as he rounded outside. Her arms were folded over her chest and she stared at him, already noting in her mind what had happened inside that building.

He said nothing, leaving her with a hard stare as he crossed by and headed back to his quiet corner of the world to be with Marilyn.


	86. Little Talks

Marilyn sat against the fence behind the tents with her knees pulled up toward her chest and leaned her head back against the makeshift wall. Simon and Nina had encouraged her to lay down in the tent several times but she convinced them that fresh air was what she needed. She wasn't lying. The air was far less invasive than the day before and a light breeze past through every so often that was comforting in the otherwise tense surroundings.

She had tried to track the minutes that Negan was gone with a method even she deemed as ineffective. Like always she worried herself death until she saw his face again as he marched back toward their tents.

"Hey." Marilyn could hardly contain herself. She sprung to her feet despite the nauseous feeling that she couldn't shake and ran up to him as he got closer.

"Hi." Negan wrapped his arms around her as she hugged him hard and kissed the top of her head. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She looked up at him. "Are you?"

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah."

"Did you..." Marilyn didn't have to finish the sentence to know what she meant.

"Yeah... one of them."

She nodded..

"I had to," Negan insisted.

"I know."

He studied her expression and then put a hand on her forehead. "You feel... cold, sweaty. You okay?"

Marilyn nodded again. "Yeah. It's just... the weather... I think." She paused. "Does Alpha know what you did?"

Negan wasn't sure. "I think so."

"How? What is she going to do?"

"She watched me go in after him... and was waiting by the door when I came out."

"What did she say?"

"Not a fuckin' thing." He shook his head. "I thought I had a read on her and now I'm not so sure."

Marilyn nodded and then swallowed hard and closed her eyes. Before Negan could ask if she was alright another time Simon and Nina rounded out of their tent.

"I feel like we're just waiting around," Simon admitted. "No jobs. No fuckin'... anything. We have to get the fuck out of here."

"Don't you want to fuckin' know what happened?" Negan asked him.

"What happened?" Nina jumped in.

"I know what happened," Simon intervened, "You killed the pricks."

"One of them," Negan corrected.

"And then..." Simon hesitated and looked at Nina, "Why don't you and Marilyn..." He nodded with his head.

"Come on," Marilyn volunteered, sensing that Negan was about to tell Simon that she could stay. She reached for Nina's hand and the two of them wandered back toward the wall.

"Marilyn," Negan said as they went, "Don't go too far."

"Right behind the tent," she assured him, flashing a small smile. When he nodded back her and Nina made their way to sit back down where Marilyn had been before.

Nina plopped down and took in Marilyn's appearance. "You didn't get bit did you?"

Marilyn laughed and looked at her friend. "Do I look _that_ bad?"

Nina chuckled, "No... but something's-"

"Something's definitely off," she confirmed before her friend could finish the sentence.

"Okay..." NIna eyed her up and down and glanced up toward where the guys were talking on the opposite side of the tents. "Marilyn..." She looked back at her friend. "You don't think you're like... I mean do your boobs hurt or anything?"

Marilyn managed a laugh. "What?" She sighed, "I haven't... I mean it's definitely been longer than a month... or two since... I've gotta my monthly friend."

"Two months?"

"I don't know the exact number but... it's been a little longer than normal."

Nina glanced over the top of the tent again to look at Negan. "That was my first instinct."

"What do you mean?"

"That you were pregnant."

"I'm not-"

"You haven't eaten hardly anything in twenty-four hours, and what you did eat has almost a zero chance of giving you food poisoning. I say that particularly because I ate the same stuff."

"I could just be sick Nina."

"Or pregnant."

Marilyn sighed and shook her head. "How will I even be able to tell?"

"Let biology take over honey."

"What?"

"In other words... you'll just know." Nina raised her eyebrows. "What do you think?"

"I think Negan and I should have talked a little more about this." She swallowed hard and looked at her friend. "You and Simon have..."

"Done it?" she nodded, "Of course."

"What are you doing to prevent... that."

Nina made the sign of the cross. "Pull it out and pray."

Marilyn let a slow smile cross her face and she looked down toward the ground with a small laugh before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I assume you're doing the same," Nina asked.

"We didn't think Negan could have children. He tried with his wife before the apocalypse and there were a number of girls in between her and me." She made a face, "Nothing came of it."

"So he's just been..." She raised her eyebrows.

Marilyn nodded. "Yeah." She swallowed hard. "I never thought lust would be the one of the seven deadly sins to bring me down."

"First of all you _love_ him. It's not lust," Nina pointed out, "Second... what do you mean bring you down?"

"Oh come on Nina, a pregnancy in this world." She shook her head, "It's a death sentence."

"No it's not."

Marilyn gave her a look. "Who's going to deliver a baby? You? Simon? Negan?" She laughed at the thought but quickly let her smile fade. "God, what if that's what's going on? I'm late... by a lot. I'm sick to my stomach."

"It's not a death sentence Marilyn," Nina reiterated.

"We'll see about that..." She said with heavy pessimism.

"There was a doctor at the Sanctuary."

Marilyn looked at Nina again more seriously. "Negan killed him."

She made a face, "That's right..."

"Yeah..."

"Talk about karma huh?' Nina immediately put a hand on Marilyn's arm, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that the way it came out."

"It's fine."

"Well there has to be another one somewhere. Maybe here."

"Maybe." Marilyn looked around, "Look I don't even know for sure if..." She paused and looked down again before finding comfort in a hug that Nina initiated.

"We'll figure it out Mar," Nina vowed. She pulled back. "Can I give you advice as a friend... and as someone who has faith in Negan's decision-making?"

"Yeah." She didn't hesitate and waited for her friend to continue.

"Don't keep secrets from him... not something as small as feeling sick to your stomach to something as big as this." Nina let out a deep breath through her nose, "He'll come up with a plan."

"Or run away," Marilyn joked.

"No he won't." Nina shook her head. "He looks like he's constantly ready to swoop in and protect you from... whatever comes your way. I can't think of anything specific to make my point seem more dramatic."

Save me from a bullet?"

"There ya go." She smiled softly, "You can't stay here if you're pregnant Marilyn. First off it's really savage... and I don't mean that in a good way. Second... this isn't stability. These people are weird; tainted. They're animals like Negan said."

"I know."

"Talk to him," Nina offered, "Me and Simon will go take a walk and check these weirdos out. Who knows maybe we'll make some friends." She rolled her eyes and smiled.

Marilyn smiled back and took a deep breath. "I don't really know anything yet."

"I think you do."

The two of them shared a look for a moment before Nina called out to Simon.

"Simon!" she shouted, "Come here for a minute." Nina turned to Marilyn and whispered, "I wouldn't give you the wrong advice."

"I know." Marilyn nodded and sighed. "Okay."

When Negan and Simon rounded back behind the tents he stood with his hands on his hips.

"What is it?" Simon looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Can we go check this place out? The people?"

"Trust me," Negan said, "You don't want to fuckin' get to know these people." He looked around, "And I don't want to leave what little shit they let us take."

Nina thought for a moment for another excuse but didn't have anything good and didn't want to go against Negan's wishes. She sighed.

"Maybe we should at least get a feel for the layout of the place," Simon added, putting a smile on Nina's face as he inadvertently favored into her plan.

"Yeah that's what I mean," Nina added. "We wouldn't know how to get out of here if we had to."

"Raise a good fuckin' point," Negan looked at Marilyn. "Do you want to go?"

She shook her head. "I'm not feeling great," she admitted.

Negan eyed her up and down, repeating Nina's original question. "One of them geeks didn't fuckin' bite you did they?"

Marilyn could tell that his question was half-serious though he anxiously awaited her response. "No," she snickered lightly and teased him the way she did Nina, "Nina asked me too. Do I really look that bad?"

"No," he replied immediately, but quickly saw she was kidding. "No Marilyn-"

"I'm joking." She cleared her throat and tried to be tough about it, "I'm just not feeling very well and I'd rather just stay back."

"Okay." Negan looked at Simon, "You two are... what taking a walk or some shit?"

"I guess." Simon looked at Nina.

"Yeah," she confirmed with a nod.

"Alright." He sighed and put his hands on his hips. "Run back here if you fuckin' need me."

"Will do boss." Simon looked around their small group and then slowly headed away with Nina at his side.

Marilyn watched them go and then turned to Negan, who was staring intently at her. "We, uh..." She sighed, "We should talk."


	87. Chapter 87

**I accidentally posted the chapter to the wrong story so I deleted it. I apologize for mixup so I replaced Chapter 87 with this message. because I'm not finished with the actual correct chapter yet. I'm in the middle of writing the next chapter. My mistake!**


	88. Guardian Angel

"What's wrong?" Negan glanced outward for a moment as Simon and Nina wandered farther away and then returned his stare to meet Marilyn's.

"I obviously don't know for certain, but uh..." She cleared her throat and decided to not leave him in any sort of suspense. "I'm... I haven't gotten..." Marilyn found it more difficult than she anticipated to spit out the words.

Negan couldn't help but ask. "You're not hurt in any way are you?"

"No." She swallowed hard. "But, um... I'm starting to think that... I might be... like..." Marilyn almost fanned herself as her face grew hot but she didn't. "I think I'm pregnant."

He hesitated for a moment, taking on her body language and then raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat. "I didn't think that... I mean... I was pretty positive that I couldn't... do that."

Marilyn shrugged. "That time of the month has come and gone... maybe twice by now and nothing." She didn't know how she wasn't crying but didn't have the urge to. "I've been sick."

"Could you have eaten... something." He shook his head.

"Maybe." Marilyn swallowed hard and looked down, folding her arms over her chest. "Something isn't normal Negan."

Negan pulled her toward him gently and kept her hugged against his body. For several seconds he didn't say anything and then let out a big sigh. "Well... shit..." He paused again, "I think for the first time in my fuckin' life I can't think of anything to say."

"I can't think of much to say either," she admitted.

Negan stood there for a moment letting tons of possibilities begin to run through his mind.

"I'm not really sure what to do," Marilyn added in their long bout of silence.

He knew she was looking to him for answers but he really didn't have one. "I... killed Dr. Carson." Negan stepped back and put a hand on his forehead.

"You couldn't have known."

"Fuck." Negan shook his head and then regained eye contact wit her.

"I'm sorry," Marilyn told him. "I'm-"

"Sorry?" He cut her off, "Marilyn... you're so... selfless... with everything." He couldn't get his sentences out without pausing.

"What do you mean?"

"You're apologizing to me."

"Well if puts everyone is an odd spot."

"Why are you apologizing?'

"I don't know... because it's my problem."

Negan shook his head and looked at her. "I told you I couldn't have children." He ran a hand across his eyebrows. "If anything it's... my fault."

"It's not-"

"You asked," he went on, "You asked me and I said no."

The two of them stood in front of one another, neither speaking again until Negan continued.

"Fuck... we need to... think of something." He looked around the immediate area and then headed to the wall, sitting down to process the information. "You're sure?"

"No." Marilyn shook her head. She paused, "But I think I am."

"You shack up with Simon?"

She made a face, prompting him to flash a small smile hinting that he was kidding.

"You're kidding," Marilyn said, in which Negan replied quickly. "I am."

He held a hand up and when she took it he pulled her down to sit beside him.

"What are our options?" she asked.

Negan gently pulled her face toward him and kissed her temple. "Honestly?" When she nodded he looked her in the eye, "I have no fuckin' idea."

"I thought you might say that."

"But..." He sighed and slunk an arm around her, "I'll... figure some shit out that makes sense."

The two of them sighed at the same time and Marilyn leaned against him.

Negan took in the collection of tents; their surroundings. For the first time he didn't have an answer of any kind and hated himself for it.

"If something were to... happen to me," Marilyn began but he stopped her.

"Nothing is going to happen to you," he said firmly. "Fuck..." Negan took in a deep, huffy breath. "If you're pregnant you'll have the baby... and I'm sure we'll be settled somewhere by then." He swallowed hard. "It's like nine months away right. That's a long fuckin' time."

"Yeah."

Negan shook his head and pulled her tighter against him. "Nothing is going to fuckin' happen to you Marilyn." He was trying to convince himself of that and knew after processing the information better he would have to do a better job of making her feel secure about it. In his mind the questions kept pouring out, leaving him with the ultimate one: what the fuck are we going to do?

* * *

Lydia was torn. Despite her mother's abusive behavior and her inability to protect her she snuck out of Alexandra and headed back to the camp. As much as she wanted to stay there with Rick's people her loyalties lied with Alpha.

She knew it would hurt Carl, as they two of them had formed a close bond very quickly. Lydia didn't want to leave him especially but it was killing her both to stay and to go.

Exiting the safe zone was rather easy, as the walls had just enough beams to climb up, almost like a ladder. Getting down and out of the community was a little tougher, but she made it without much of a struggle and headed off alone into the woods.

 _I wish I had my skin suit_ , she thought as she wondered whether or not she would run into the dead ones that had practically become friends of the Whisperer group. Still, she pressed on away from Alexandria not really knowing why. As she walked through the darkness she began to wish she left Carl a note, something to remember her by or a simple thank you for taking her in and having her back.

Lydia's heart was heavy and a part of her knew she was making the wrong decision. Still, she decided to show her mother that she wasn't the weak, teenage girl in a crazy world. The journey back on her own would surely show Alpha how strong she really was.

Unbeknownst to Lydia she wasn't alone. Carl had made it his duty to protect her and so when he saw her sneak out of the house she'd been staying in he followed her. The last thing he knew she needed was someone telling her what to do or where to go, despite him knowing that she may have needed it. Carl would never make her feel trapped, or like she was forced to stay but he had to know that she was alright; and so he trailed her from afar, watching like a guardian angel for dangers that potentially lurked nearby. If need be he would step in but for now he would simply hide in the shallows, be her silent knight and discover where it was she called home.


	89. An Offer He Can't Refuse

Carl thought of himself as stealthy; someone who had adapted better than most and more than able to hold his own and protect himself.

That's why when he got caught he felt a wave of shock and anger.

"Don't move." It was Alpha's voice that demanded him from behind where he stood. The click of s gun being cocked forced Carl's hands into the air though he didn't show an ounce of fright.

"She wanted to come back," Carl said harshly. "She made it on her own. I just had to make sure she was okay."

"How cute," Alpha replied snidely, raising her gun to his eye level as he slowly spun around. "And bold... and a little stupid." She cocked her head to the side. "I suppose this makes you a prisoner of mine now."

"A what?"

"A prisoner?"

"It's when you hold someone captive... you know the way your people did with Negan."

Carl's eyes lit up. "Negan." His jaw practically dropped. "How do you-"

"He works for me now." She tipped her mouth up in a smile. "And I assure you we may very well take over the world." Alpha winked. "Now move toward our camp. I'll allow you to speak with Lydia once we arrive. And don't think about running. You're far more useful alive than dead and I wouldn't want to make my daughter any more fragile than she already is by killing you." She nodded her head and kept her gun on him. "Move."

"Is Negan here?" Carl began to walk, more intrigued by the minute despite the gun that was aimed in his direction. He felt his heart rate climb and face turn a darker shade of red.

"If I tell you I'll have to kill you." Alpha laughed at her own remark. "Now no more talking... we're almost there."

"Why are you doing this?" Carl went on despite her wishes for him to be quiet and move. "We could all live together. My dad hasn't always wanted that and no one seems to want to leave this dead world behind."

"You live in a fantasy world."

"No you just choose to create and live in your own personal hell."

"You're a strong boy," Alpha told him. "You would thrive here."

"We would all thrive if there weren't monsters like you trying to ruin what we built." He shook his head. "And that psychopathic mad man Negan."

"We all go a little mad sometimes Carl."

* * *

Negan had had nothing on his mind but to find the man named Kevin and put him down the way he had with Dylan. Now, his course of action changed upon speaking with Marilyn and he had a different mission in mind - how to get away from both the Whisperers and Rick's people. The way he saw it he had two advantages. One, he knew he held some influence over Alpha; she liked him and he was sure he could build is trust up with regard to their relationship. Two, the two sides were against each other and Negan assumed that Rick had much bigger fish to fry than looking for retribution against him since the Whisperers came into the picture.

Inside he knew they needed a vehicle if they were going to attempt a complete escape of the area, though life on the road would be risky at best and there was no promise that worse groups were out there. What Negan needed was stability more than ever, more for Marilyn's sake than his own.

The two of them still stayed put at their little camp site waiting for Simon and Nina to come back around. He needed to try mapping out some course of action with their group and knew Simon was the man to bounce ideas off.

"You should eat something," Negan said to Marilyn as he paced around thinking.

She held up a bottle of water. "I'm okay with this for now."

"Are you sure?"

Marilyn nodded. "I just don't want to get sick again." She took in his body language. "I didn't mean to throw you for a loop."

Negan smiled and shook his head. "Stop." He sighed, "Life ain't ever going to be as simple as it fuckin' was anything... regardless of the shit we build and endure. This is just another thing in the mix of craziness that we'll fuckin' endure together... the four of us. Make Simon the God damn nanny if I have to."

She laughed at the thought, making Negan smile.

"We'll figure it out," he said with more reassurance.

"Negan!" Simon shouted as he towed Nina by the hand, running toward them. "They took the kid hostage."

"What?" Negan reached a hand down and helped Marilyn to her feet.

"The kid... Rick's kid," he reiterated, "He's here."

"Shit," Marilyn looked at Negan who, again, tried to rapidly process the information.

"Alpha led him in at gunpoint. Her daughter was begging her to leave him alone."

Negan ran his hand over his barely-there beard and looked around. "Just Carl?"

Simon nodded. "As far as I could tell."

"He can't see that we're here," Marilyn said. "Then they'll know where to find us."

Negan wondered if Alpha's capture of Carl would somehow put him in a position of leverage over Rick. "This may not be a bad thing."

"What do you mean?" Marilyn asked.

Simon and Nina looked as if they wanted to ask the same question.

"I have a little pull with Alpha," Negan explained quietly, "She doesn't know that I'm trying to get us the fuck out of here, so for a short time we might have to stick it out." He looked at Marilyn first and then to Simon. "They can never be fully out of our sight. If you or I are out doing other shit then the other one of us has to make sure they're safe."

"Of course." Simon nodded and looked to Nina for a moment. "Where's the good news in this?"

"Carl's here," Negan explained, "Rick's going to find out sooner than later and he'll come looking for him."

"Yeah..."

"Carl is the fuckin' leverage we need," he went on, "Alpha thinks we're loyal to her... the Whisperers are at war with Rick and seems like Rick's back is against the wall."

"Right..."

Negan nodded to himself as it all unfolded in his mind. A small smile took over his face. "I have a hell of a deal for Mr. Grimes." He continued to nod in approval of his inner plan. "Fuck yeah I do. He wants peace... unity... fuckin' harmony and shit. I'm going to give him a chance to have it. He'll just have to eat his own pride in the process and let past be the fuckin' past."

"What do you mean?" Marilyn asked.

"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."


	90. Curveball

When Alpha approached the two tents they had placed perfectly away from everyone else, Marilyn felt her stomach turn in knots. She never knew what Alpha's intentions were or what she would demand next but it always made her feel uneasy.

"Negan." She eyed him up with a serious expression before a barely there smile crossed her face. "I'd like to see you."

He glanced at Marilyn for a moment and then to Simon with unspoken communication, instructing him with his eyes to look after the two women. "I'll be back." Negan gave another look to Marilyn and then followed Alpha, who waited so they could walk side by side.

"I'd like you to come in to back me up," she informed him. "If you don't mind."

"Sure," Negan replied, "Back you up with what?"

"I have a little surprise waiting inside."

"Alright." He played dumb, more than aware that she was about to reveal Carl's hostage situation to him. Negan wanted Alpha to remain in control and feel like she had the upper hand over him so he could carry out the plan that was still unfolding in his mind.

As they reached the building she opened the door and held an arm out. "After you."

Negan gave a smile. "You're such a gentleman," he joked, making Alpha smile.

"Before we head to the back room," she explained, stopping for a moment, "I want you to know that I know."

He put his hands on his hips and gave a small smirk. "You know what?"

Alpha pushed him into the wall in such a way that he didn't know if she was mad at him or coming on to him. She kept her face close to his as she spoke. "I don't care that you did it... that you killed him. I should've done it for what he did to my daughter but I didn't." She studied his eyes that challenged her back despite her attempt at dominance. "You can do things that I can't do and it's rare that I find someone like that."

Negan used the several seconds of silence to intervene. "What's the fuckin' point to all of this Alpha? Why are you telling me this?"

"If someone were to kill one of my top guys I'd normally be very... very pissed off." She wrapped her fingers inside the belt loops on either side of his hips. "But I feel as though this just means you get a promotion. You're better than Dylan. I've only known you a short time but you certainly can fill the role he played and then some... and I know you won't hurt my daughter."

"Let me fuckin' get rid of Kevin in the process."

Alpha licked her lips, almost touching her tongue to mouth in the process and then shook her head. "You're cute, Negan... and charming... but I can't let you do that."

"Why?" He continued to challenge her with his eyes. "My man Simon can fill his shoes. Then you have two men instead of two dogs on either fuckin' side of you."

"You want my truthful answer?"

Negan nodded.

"I'd be a little concerned that you two would try to take over being in such powerful positions." Alpha sized him up, "But I do need you."

"Well... you got me."

"Good."

Negan swallowed hard when he felt she might lean in and kiss him, but took a deep breath when she pushed off of him and waved a hand.

"I have Rick's son here," she explained, beginning to lead the way back down the hallway. "Carl."

"Why's he here?"

"Lydia decided to leave their community and Carl followed her."

"Why are you going to do to him?"

Alpha shrugged. "Nothing. I'm anticipating Rick coming to get him, which I'll simply reinforce the power I have over him. I may keep Carl here, I may let him go." She shrugged.

"Keep him," Negan said. "Leverage."

She nodded in agreement. "We'll see."

Alpha rounded into the back room where Carl was handcuffed to a chair with his hands behind his back. When Negan entered his face grew angrier.

"What's wrong Carl?" Alpha asked with a smile.

"You have no idea who you're dealing with." Carl gritted his teeth. "He'll take over."

She laughed. "Have I not proven myself as a worthy leader in your eyes yet, Carl?" Alpha held up her finger and tsk-tsked him. "Just like in your case... we have too many people." She turned to Negan, "He knows his place... and he's quite the partner I must say."

Negan stared at Carl, seeing the death stare in his young eyes. "You still scare the fuckin' shit out of me, kid."

"Because somewhere inside you know one day I'm going to be the one to kill you Negan."

"My my..." Alpha laughed now and looked back and forth between the two of them. "I suppose there _is_ quite a past between your two groups."

"He murdered my friends... put us all through hell."

Negan chuckled, "Carl... I didn't even know who the fuck you bunch of shitheads were until you killed the people at my outpost in their sleep. I don't want to sound like I'm ten years old or some shit but..." He smiled and pointed at him, "You fuckin' started it."

"What do I do with you now?" Alpha tapped her mouth with her pointer finger. "My daughter has taken quite the liking to you."

"Let her come back with us to Alexandria... and give us Negan back so my dad can throw him back in that cell where he belongs."

"First off," she placed her hands neatly behind her back and paced toward Carl. "Lydia was free to stay with you and your group. She chose to come back. Second off, Negan's home is here with us."

Carl began to shake his head and then simply looked down.

"We'll be back to check in on you later," Alpha assured him, "I just wanted to reintroduce the two of you... see the dynamic for myself." She smiled and turned to go, reaching for Negan's hand as she went. "I'll send Lydia in later if you'd like. She'll bring you something to eat. And Carl..." Alpha turned to look at him for a moment, "If you attempt to convince her to let you go then she will be the one to pay for it."

Negan looked at Carl for a long moment and then allowed Alpha to tow him out of the room. He was taken off guard when she grabbed him by the collar, this time forcefully pressing her lips to his in a heated kiss that he unwillingly returned before finally pulling back.

"Jesus Alpha..." He gave her a look but forced a fake smile.

"I just didn't want to miss out on doing that." Alpha took in a deep breath, held his eye contact for a moment and then drew her fingers across her lips before making her way back down the hallway. "Be on your toes," she called to him without looking over her shoulder. "I anticipate Rick Grimes will be paying us a visit real soon."

Negan stood still for a moment, taking in the whirlwind day he was experiencing. Between Marilyn's news, Carl's arrival, the plan he had replayed in his mind time and time again, and now Alpha's more aggressive advances. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned back against the wall. If there was one thing that had the ability to eat away at Negan's mind it was loose ends; uncertainty. In that moment he was engulfed in it, drowning in it.

"Fuck." Negan whispered the word aloud to himself and placed his hands over his face for a moment, taking it all in and attempting to calm down. Life had taken several unexpected turns, curveballs that even Lucille couldn't hit if he still held the bat in his palms but logically Negan knew that was life. It was adapting to the curveballs that would assure survival and with that one logical thought he straightened up and headed back down the hall out into the warm, summer air that felt as if it had grown hotter in the last five minutes.

Negan eyed the back wall where he knew Marilyn, Simon and Nina were waiting for him. All he wanted to do was get back to them, more specifically back to her. Negan knew simply being in the same vicinity with Alpha made Marilyn uneasy. All he wanted now was her happiness and their survival; and so every waking second he vowed to stay by her side, keep her comfortable and emphasize over and over that everything was going to be alright.


	91. Epiphany

Negan waited all day for Rick's arrival, though when he never showed he felt his entire body ache with angst and disappointment. He did whatever he could manage to stay busy - pacing the perimeter with Marilyn, creating concrete details for their plan with Simon and subtly checking in by the front gates to see if and when Rick were to show up.

Alpha hadn't returned to their small camp, something he was relieved about. She was testing him... constantly, or so that's how he felt. He didn't know how far she would go or push but he knew he had to get in touch with the people of Alexandria, Rick preferably, before things went too far.

"You look a little delusional." Marilyn's voice made Negan snap out of the daze he'd been in, consumed by his thoughts and a severe lack of sleep.

"I am a little bit," he admitted, glancing over toward the open door of the tent where she'd been attempting to sleep for close to an hour.

The hour was late, and Negan's eyes had betrayed him more than once as he attempted to keep watch and listen for Rick's arrival. He knew it could come at any time, sooner than later or so he thought because of Carl's capture.

"Let me stay up," Marilyn offered, "You're running on nothing."

"I'm alright."

"No you're not." She shook her head, "You must've gotten just an hour or two of sleep in the last twenty-four hours because Alpha and Beta woke you up not long after you finally got to bed."

Negan let out a sigh and glanced over at her. "Someone has to stay up... and it's not going to be you. Especially not in your condition."

"I'm not a piece of glass Negan," Marilyn told him, "You should know that by now."

"I never said you were honey." He flashed her a small smile. "But what type of man would I be if-"

"I know what kind of man you are." She shook her head, "You have nothing left to prove to me... you _never_ had anything to prove to me. I know you. Simon and Nina know you."

"That's right." Simon burst out of his tent, "I'll take watch."

Nina followed him out, "Me too."

Negan looked at the two of them and then looked down with a short huff of a laugh. "So much for privacy."

"We've all seen your junk when that crazy fuckin' broad and her pack of skin suits busted your door down," Simon told him with a cheery grin. "Privacy is out the window."

"He's kind of right," Nina added, grinning at the two of them and then sharing a quick laugh with Marilyn. "Sleep... both of you."

Simon sat down on the ground in front of the tent and pulled on Nina's hands. "She can give me a back rub she owes me. I'm stiff as shit from sleeping on the ground."

Negan ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes. "Fine. Wake me up if shit hits the fan."

"I won't let you sleep through the fire alarm buddy," Simon joked.

He sighed and stretched his arms up above his head before stripping out of his jeans, shirt and shoes and slowly making his way inside with Marilyn.

"You look exhausted." She laid down on their stack of blankets and threw her arms around him when he slunk down beside her.

Negan rested his head against her midsection and draped an arm around her before closing his eyes. "We're gong to have to have a longer talk some day soon."

"I know." Marilyn drew her fingernails gently up and down his back and made him sigh. "What's the offer you're going to make Rick?"

"We'll talk another time." Negan lifted her shirt and kissed the lowest part of her stomach before looking back up at her. "Okay?"

She nodded, seeing the bags tugging at the area beneath his eyes. "Okay."

"I should be doing this to you," he told her, laying his head back down, "Rubbing your back... coaxing you to sleep."

"I'm not-"

"A piece of glass," Negan finished her sentence from before with a little laugh, "I know."

"Thank you." She chuckled back.

"But you are a great piece of... something else." When he began to chuckle Marilyn hit him lightly on the shoulder.

"That's all I am to you huh?" she joked.

"Nah," Negan cleared his throat, "You're my... what do they call it now... my baby mama?'

Marilyn laughed a little louder, "I was very content with the word wife, but..."

"Yeah." He cuddled himself to her a little closer, "You're that and everything fuckin' more. You know that."

"I do."

"I love you."

"I know."

Negan looked up at her, now resting his chin in the center of her stomach.

Marilyn smiled, noting he was waiting for her to say it back. "I love you too."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," she admitted with a nod.

"You kept the crackers down."

Marilyn nodded again. "Yeah. And I've had a little extra water."

"Good." Negan slid up beside her and kissed her once on the lips. "You're the only one I want to do that to."

She smiled, "What? Kiss?"

"Yeah."

"I know."

"I mean it... and I hope you don't even fuckin' doubt me after the way I used to act with the women at the Sanctuary."

Marilyn took a deep breath and looked into his eyes a few inches from her own. "I know that." She swallowed hard, "Is the reassurance because of Alpha?"

He didn't want to lie, "Yeah."

"I trust you."

"She came on to me today in the building when we went to see Carl."

Marilyn cleared her throat and pretended not to let it bother her. "It's fine."

"Whatever she may say-"

"I'll believe you," she told him. "Okay?"

Negan traced her face with his hand and nodded. "Okay."

Marilyn leaned in and touched her lips to his, leaving them there for an extra second. "You need to sleep," she whispered.

"I'm trying but you keep talking," he joked. Negan kissed her again when she was about to speak, silencing her each time with a kiss until she was laughing against his lips.

"For the record," she said quietly, "I don't need reassurance."

"Okay." Negan slid a hand up the back of her shirt, "Take this off. I want to fuckin' feel you." He began tugging at a light sheet to pull over the top of them, "And I don't mean fuck you... I just want you half naked next to me."

Marilyn snickered and pulled the shirt off before turning to press her bare back against the damp skin on his chest. When he slipped his hand against her inner thigh to secure her against him she felt a slight surge of arousal, though the exhaustion and soreness she felt from being sick prevented her from attempting to escalate the innocent nature of their cuddle session.

"Marilyn," Negan whispered against her neck from behind.

"Yeah?" She sighed the word and closed her eyes when his fingers tightened around her thigh.

"You're going to be a great fuckin' mom in this shitty fuckin' world," he cleared his throat, "You know that?"

Marilyn hesitated and swallowed hard. "I hope so."

"I fuckin' know so." Negan kissed her shoulder again. "This could... this could end some of our shit."

"What do you mean?" She had the urge to turn to him, sensing he was having a type of epiphany, but she continued to lay with him as they were.

He cleared his throat. "The feud between Rick's group... our group."

"How?"

Negan sighed, "All Rick fuckin' wants is to fuckin' build... and I have to fuckin' hand it to him he's done that. I was willing to commit to his way just before he took me down. He wants fucking peace and this could very well be it."

"You think he'll make peace over this?" Marilyn asked, feeling him taking a deep breath against her.

"We may not be completely fucked," Negan told her. "This... situation... it might've all happened for a reason."

She laid there for a moment and then finally turned around partway, as Negan had no intention of letting her go. "You think?"

Negan nodded. "I think it's fuckin' possible."

Marilyn half-smiled at him. "I hope you're right." She closed her eyes when he drifted his hand across her stomach and then laid back down and linked her fingers with his.

Negan kissed her shoulder again. "Goodnight."

She squeezed his hand and leaned deeper against him. "Goodnight Negan." Marilyn laid there wondering what tomorrow would bring. What would Negan say to Rick? Would Rick even accept? What sacrifices would they have to make? How would they just bail on Alpha's group? There were so many more in her mind, and Marilyn, despite being exhausted herself and feeling the comfort of laying contently with Negan, couldn't fall asleep. Despite his claims she couldn't help but feel that their situation would only complicate things but she also had faith in his words.

Marilyn knew Negan would do his part. She just hoped whatever script he had written for Rick would turn out the way they wanted it to.


	92. A Note

Negan didn't know if he was dreaming or not when he heard the name Rick Grimes from somewhere either in the immediate area or his subconscious.

"Rick Grimes," the name came out fuzzy at first, "Negan..." A little clearer. "Negan!"

Simon shook Negan's shoulder until he finally sat upright, rocked out of another short wave of sleep that couldn't have been more than four hours.

"What?" Negan felt a splitting sensation in his head and could barely open his eyes despite the dim light that illuminated the inside of the tent.

"He's fuckin' here," Simon said in a loud whisper that he so badly wanted to shout.

Negan glanced to his right when Marilyn's hand latched onto his forearm as she, too, was awoken from a night of broken sleep.

"What are you going to fuckin' say to him?" Simon asked, "It could go badly." He began to shake his head but Negan slowly rose to his feet, aching from the way he'd been sleeping.

"We have the Whisperers in our corner," he reminded Simon, "Let me fuckin' handle the rest." Negan drew his hand across the back of his neck and made a face to display the small amount of pain he was in.

Marilyn felt pins and needles rush through her arms and legs and goosebumps developed from the news of Rick's arrival. "I don't want you to go," she told him honestly.

"It'll be alright," Negan assured her, reaching for a shirt, "I have a plan. I told you."

"Maybe she's right," Simon intervened, "They don't know we're-"

"Carl fuckin' knows," Negan barked, aggravated from a lack of sleep and the sheer fact that he'd spoken with Simon of his intentions, "I'm not one to get trigger shy when the moment comes to pull it." He stared down his friend for a moment, "That's why the rankings were as they were at the fuckin' Sanctuary. You're a good right hand man Simon but you don't have the balls that I fuckin' have."

The two men stared at one another for a moment, Negan more angrily with his eyebrows pressed together and towering slightly above Simon's smaller frame with his hands out to the sides.

Simon almost immediately backed down and gave a nod. "We talked," he confirmed, "Go for it."

Negan took a breath to compose himself and then put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "We have leverage here. There are too many of them for Rick to do anything stupid."

"What if Alpha wants to give you up to them?" Simon asked.

"Trust me... she doesn't." He shook his head, "And what would she fuckin' give me up for? The Whisperers have the upper hand not only in the fact that they have Carl, but also in the fact that they outnumber Rick's people with the walker herd they've managed to control... which I might add still blows my fuckin' mind."

"Alright," Simon said to him with a nod, "Alright... I just don't want to see the worst happen brother."

"Not a fuckin' chance."

"We never talked exit strategy is all."

"Want your exit strategy?"

Simon shrugged.

Negan nodded, prompting Simon to leave the tent where both he and Marilyn followed. He pointed toward the wall. "Up and over... the three of you."

"Three?" Marilyn asked.

"This is only if something way fucked up out of left fuckin' field goes down," Negan explained. He glanced off to the side when Nina stepped in to join the discussion. "I didn't even talk with Simon about it, that's how fuckin' confident I am in this shit." He took a breath and looked around at the three of them, "We're playing both fuckin' sides here."

"But if..." Marilyn shook her head, not wanting to finish the thought.

"If something happens to me... which it won't... you three get the fuck out of here. Just go somewhere... anywhere." Negan shook his head, "But it's not going to happen. I live for this shit. I can read these people and I have Alpha on the end of the my fishing hook. I got her." He looked over his shoulder, "Rick's here now?"

Simon hesitated, "Yeah."

Negan sighed and finished getting himself together, feeling Marilyn watching his every move. "It's not going to be like the last time," he assured her, sitting down to tie his boots. "You won't have to come fuckin' bail me out." Negan looked up and gave her a wink but could see she was struggling to keep herself composed.

"I just know how this can go," she managed to choke out before feeling her eyes grow heavy and tears begin to form.

"It's not going to go that way." Negan rose to his feet and pulled her to him, kissing her forehead and then letting her go. "I got this shit doll."

The confidence that radiated out of him made her feel a little bit better though she knew the next hour at least would feel like one giant panic attack.

Negan leaned down and kissed her, "I'll be back. Stay with Simon and Nina." He glanced over at them and then back to her. "I love you."

"I love you too." Marilyn reached for his hand, linking her fingers through his for an extra second before Negan pulled away and began his trudge down to the front gates where Rick was waiting.

While everyone else held their reasonable doubts, Negan felt nothing but confidence as he made the way. His life pre and post apocalypse he prided himself and got ahead of the game in many respects because he could read people. He was an expert and this was no different. The stakes were high, this he knew, but the game was the same and he was good at it.

Adrenaline pumped through his veins and Negan smiled to himself as he went. _Let's fuckin' go._

...

Alpha's words were simple and almost motherly in the way she addressed Negan when he arrived at the gates. "Oh... there you are." She smiled at him as she stood before Rick Grimes.

Negan couldn't deny it - seeing Rick standing there with a small army of his best men and women made Negan's stomach turn in knots. There was a mixture of excitement, anxiety and even a little arrogance in his ability to escape from their captivity. It wasn't intentional, and he certainly felt like he needed the more than they needed him but Rick's face brought back a wide range of emotions, particularly when his enemy's jaw dropped, eyes focused like a wolf on a rabbit and his entire body stiffened with a rage that couldn't be mistaken.

"Hi Rick." Negan flashed a smile, eyeballing him for a moment before glancing at the similar icy stares of Michonne, Daryl and Morgan.

For several seconds Rick looked star struck, like he was in the middle of one giant joke with the middle finger pointed directly at him. No one spoke and the tension that lingered was eerie even for the Whisperers who held an elaborate home field advantage.

"Would you two like a moment alone?" Alpha joked, finally cutting through the serious nature of the moment.

"He belongs to us," Rick informed her with a nod, tightening his jaw some more as he waved his revolver in Negan's direction.

"He's not a piece of property," she assured him with a smile, noting the tight grasp Daryl suddenly had on the crossbow in his hands. "If you even attempt to fire that thing the boy dies."

Daryl nodded his head toward Negan. "He's ours."

"I don't believe in slavery," Alpha continued, still grinning.

"I work for Alpha now Rick," Negan told him. "She's my boss." He tipped the corner of his mouth up in another half smile.

"And then some," Alpha added, flashing a wider grin. "But that's neither here nor there... Rick, what business do you have here?" She already knew.

"I want my son Carl... now."

"Carl came _here_."

"I want to see him."

"He's with my daughter... Lydia. They ran off together back to our camp. It was his choice."

"Well I'm his father and he's coming back. You made the choice for Lydia to stay with us. I'm making the choice for Carl to return to his home."

"Wrong," Alpha shot back, "I did not make any choice for Lydia. I gave her the option to stay and she stayed... for a little while. And then she came home." She shrugged, "Maybe Carl will do the same eventually."

"He's not staying Alpha," Rick said firmly, glancing at Negan once. "Where is he?"

"Carl's fine," Negan said.

"I wasn't fucking talking to you," Rick responded coldly.

Negan looked around the death stares that hadn't left the faces of Michonne, Daryl and even Morgan. They watched him as if he had a trick up his sleeve, which he did but he knew it wouldn't be what they were expecting.

"I want Carl-"

"Dad!" Carl's voice sounded off and Rick began to storm past Alpha out of relief but she stepped in front of him.

"They boy is fine."

"Carl, are you alright?" Rick asked, speaking calmly as he leaned over Alpha's shoulder to shout.

"I'm fine." He stood freely, without shackles and by Lydia's side.

Rick looked around a moment and then shook his head. "What... what are you doing here Carl?"

"Lydia left. I wanted to make sure she was okay." He looked around at the men who surrounded them. "This isn't what I want for her Dad... but I..." Carl shook his head, tormented by the decisions he was being forced to make, "I can't leave her."

Rick put his head down a moment and then looked back up. "She can stay with us but if she doesn't want to-"

"She wants to," he shouted, "But she's scared... of them." Carl's voice grew more angry by the second.

"It's her decision."

"And it's mine to stay... for now. To protect her."

"You see Rick." Alpha grinned, "Carl came to us. We have no beef with you."

"You brainwashed your own daughter," Rick hissed at her.

"My daughter has allegiance to me, is all."

"Fear isn't allegiance," he contested, motioning to Negan, "This is what happens when you lead with fear. Your people turn on you."

Negan smiled at him. "Dwightie boy? It wasn't the fear Rick. Dwight fuckin' turned on me because I was fuckin' his girl and he couldn't fuckin' handle that shit." He smiled wide, "Don't fuckin' kid yourself. He was like a jealous teenage kid and stabbed me in the back because of it. Fuck that."

"Well he's running the Sanctuary just fine without you." Rick smiled now and nodded.

The statement bothered Negan but he tried not to show it, sending off a light laugh and then pointing his finger at Rick with a grin. "I'm sure they've got a brand new fuckin' label and everything."

"Yeah..." Rick looked him up and down and nodded before shaking his head and looking down. "You got to be fuckin' kidding me."

"If you have no business besides Carl's well-being then you should go," Alpha instructed, "I assure you we'll feed him."

"What about the dog?" Daryl added, motioning to Negan. "He's a fugitive."

"He's one of my finest allies," Alpha assured him, "There are no formal rules in this society Mr. Dixon. There are no fugitives."

"Carl," Rick pleaded a final time, "Please come home."

Carl's conflictions were continually written all over his face, but he shook his head. "I can't Dad... not yet." Lydia silently apologized at his side, prompting Carl to throw an arm around her shoulders.

When Rick hesitantly turned toward Michonne, Negan stepped forward, asking Alpha for permission with his eyes first, which she granted with a nod, and then he proceeded to approach where Rick now raised his gun higher so it was even with Negan's face.

"Easy." Negan put his hands up in the air, for a moment, still grinning but then slowly let them drop.

Rick eyed his waistline for a gun or a knife but didn't see one and so he loosened up just a bit. "This isn't over," he whispered fiercely, never looking away from Negan's eyes. "You may think you have something here..." Rick shook his head slowly, still clenching his jaw.

"I am counting on you Rick," Negan whispered back, smiling in such a way that said, 'I know something you don't'.

"You can count on me for nothing."

Negan stepped closer, quietly swiping small, folded piece of paper from his pocket and placing it into the pocket of Rick's open button-down shirt. Much to his liking, Rick said nothing. He barely eyed the paper, didn't stir and the exchange was made so nonchalantly that Negan was sure even Rick's people hadn't seen it.

"I guess things will forever be at ends with us, huh Rick?" Negan winked and patted him once on the shoulder. "We may just never see eye to eye."

Rick and his group appeared almost like statues and Negan backed off when he thought of Carl's impulsiveness. He knew if the boy went off it could ruin the whole plan he had thrown into motion and so he carefully walked back to be by Alpha's side, allowing her to link her hand through his to assert their unity.

"Carl can leave when he choose," Alpha explained, "Next time we talk... we'll talk business." She nodded toward Beta, "See them out if there are no further questions."

When Beta began to escort the group away, everyone looked over their shoulders, each making eye contact with Negan. He glanced back, saving Rick for last and saw him reach up toward his pocket.

 _The ball's in your court now, Ricky boy._ Negan swallowed hard and nodded to himself from the monumental nature of the note he'd passed to Rick. _Play that shit right and everybody wins._


	93. Midnight

Marilyn almost couldn't believe the words when they left Negan's mouth.

"I'm going to meet with Rick outside of the camp."

"What are you talking about?" Marilyn asked him, shaking her head.

He cleared his throat. "It's part of the plan."

"Part of the plan?" She shook her head, attempting to put her foot down with him for the first time. "No... why are you... no."

"I left him a note in his pocket," Negan informed her, "If he does what I ask-"

"You said we were going to have a long talk," Marilyn cut him off. "Negan he slit your fucking throat the last time you were..." She felt a frustrated cry interrupt her rant and stormed away before she could cry in front of Simon and Nina.

"Mar..." Nina began to march after her.

"Marilyn!" Negan ran past Nina and reached for Marilyn's arm.

"This is the plan?" She asked exasperated and wiping tears as they fell. "They know who I am now Negan. I can't just waltz in and rescue you again if they take you."

"I know what I'm doing."

Marilyn shook her head and let out a short, disgusted sigh before turning away from him.

Nina eyed Negan for a moment, seemingly calling him an asshole with her eyes but didn't verbally say anything.

"Negan." Simon waved a hand. "Maybe I ought to go with you."

"No." He shook his head. "Someone needs to stay with them. It's not fuckin' safe here."

"I never tell you what to do-"

"So don't fuckin' try to start now."

"Is it necessary?"

"Yes."

Negan turned back and wandered over to where Marilyn and Nina were talking quietly.

"Marilyn." He cleared his throat again. "I'm going to meet with Rick just out back here behind the wall."

"Okay." She wanted to roll her eyes; to argue; to yell at him even. "Do what you need to do Negan."

"It's all for you."

"Well what if I don't want it?" She dried her eyes again. "I'll rephrase that... whatever it is you're doing for me that requires you to meet with Rick alone outside of here, I don't want it."

"Well... let me rephrase what I said," he told her gently. "This is something I need to do... for you. It's not a matter of wanting anymore."

"I don't even know what that means Negan."

He looked at Nina. "Can we have a minute?"

"Of course." Nina glanced at Marilyn a moment and then slowly wandered back to Simon.

Negan sighed and placed a hand on the side of her face. "Honey... we need a stable place to live. I think I know how I can get that for you... for us. You just have to trust me."

"It's not about trusting you. It's about your safety."

"Nothing is one hundred percent fucking safe anymore, I'll give you that. There is room for error here but Rick is wagering too much if he tries something fucked up."

"What's that?"

"Carl... and his communities. Talking more long term... peace."

"What are you offering?"

Negan looked around the immediate area and then whispered close to her ear. "I'm going to offer to kill Alpha."

Marilyn felt a shot of adrenaline paralyze her. "What?" She pulled back to look at him with a horrified expression. "Can you... can you do that?"

"I can fuckin' do anything I set my mind to doll." He winked to amuse her but Marilyn took a deep breath and swallowed hard.

"That's really risky Negan. Their whole community follows her."

"I'm only going to do it if Rick agrees to my terms."

"Which are..."

"You're going to fuckin' hate it. That's why I didn't want to get into it until after I set the plan in motion."

Marilyn's whole body sank. "I hate the sound of that already. If it involves you dying-"

"It doesn't involve me dying, or even possibly dying." Negan grinned. "Shit I intend to be around a long fucking time to teach our son about how to pick up chicks and shit."

Marilyn laughed lightly but quickly fell back into the anxious state she'd been in the second before. "I'm not going to stop you from going, but I don't want you to go." She sighed and looked into his eyes with more seriousness. "And killing Alpha?"

"This is who I am Marilyn," Negan looked down for a moment and then back up. "This is the kind of shit I do to survive. The stakes are a little higher now that you and I are..." He shrugged.

"I'm going to hate your plan?"

"Yes," Negan admitted. "But in the long run it's going to make a lot of fuckin' sense." He tipped her chin upward with his first two fingers and then leaned down and kissed her. "I love you. I need you to do what you always do... be stronger than everyone else."

Marilyn gently leaned her forehead against the bridge of his nose and closed her eyes. "Okay."

"I'm sorry," Negan said honestly.

"Just... come back." Marilyn swallowed hard and pulled away to look up at him again. She kissed him another time, letting it linger before sighing once more. "When are you meeting him?"

"Figured I'd make it a nice fuckin' round number... midnight."

* * *

Negan had made it a point to see Alpha not long before he exited the camp. He hoped it would take her attention away from visiting the four of them during the time span he was out.

He made sure Simon had everything covered on his own, leaving he and Marilyn sitting side by side despite late hour. He knew she wouldn't sleep and hated it, but he knew if their roles were reversed he wouldn't sleep either.

Negan crept slowly through the woods, past the heads on the pikes and deeper into a little clearing on the opposite side of the main road that ran behind the Whisperers' camp.

 _Next to the big, yellow sign with the picture of a stop light on it,_ is what he wrote to Rick as the place to meet him. It was the only nearby marking he could think of added to the direction by describing its proximity to the row of severed heads. He knew Rick would know where he was speaking of to meet.

Now... let's see if he fuckin' shows up, Negan thought to himself.

He felt his heart rate race, more than ready to have a one-on-one with the fierce competitor and man he could never quite see eye to eye with. Their pasts were so intense, violent and opposing that he wasn't sure if the plan he'd concocted would work. Still, he knew he had to try.

At first Negan saw nothing; no one by the big, yellow sign. It was almost a let down as he approached and looked around. When he heard the familiar sound of a gun cocking his adrenaline spiked again and then Rick's unmistakable voice in the darkness made him grin a little extra wide.

"Don't fuckin' move," Rick demanding in a loud, scratchy whisper.

Negan put up his hands and boldly turned to face him. "Hi Rick." He smiled. " I'm glad you came."


	94. Deal or No Deal

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just kill you." Rick didn't smile. His hand shook and sweat ran down his face, stemming from his hairline.

"I have several," Negan informed him.

Rick stepped in his direction, gritting his teeth. "You almost killed Carl... more than once. I should just..." His hand tightened around the handle. "I could bury you."

"I know." He nodded, humbly keeping his hands in the air. "But you'll benefit more, this once, from me being alive."

The two of them stared at one another in silence, covered by the night. Rick was fiery eyed, stone-faced and angry. Negan was calm, serious and for the first time in a long time he was completely submissive

"Why?" Rick's voice was still low, gravely and filled with an unmistakable rage. He didn't blink, simply stared into Negan's eyes and knew the man must've had something to lose with his agreement to meet him there alone in the woods.

"The Whisperers are a threat to your community," Negan said matter-of-factly. "And now they have Carl."

"You're with them," Rick said back in that same matter-of-fact tone. He eyed his suspiciously. "Alpha... you and Alpha-"

"It's not what it seems." He lowered his voice, "Not even fucking close."

"She's holding you hostage?"

"No." Negan shook his head.

Rick almost let his guard down, confused by Negan's role in the world of the Whisperers. He shook his head but kept his gun raised, though the strained look in his jaw faded and confusion was replaced in his features. "Make me fucking understand."

"I'm going to just put it out there in the simplest fucking way possible," Negan cleared his throat, looked down and then back up to meet Rick's stare again. He kept his hands raised. "Alpha trusts me. She has a fucking thing for me and shit, she is not fucking subtle about it." Negan took in a deep breath, "I'd be willing to cut the head off the fuckin' snake, and then some. You'd get Carl back. Lydia wouldn't stay here if she wasn't around."

Rick squinted his eyes and seemed as if he was replaying Negan's words in his mind. In an attempt to get the complete gist of what he was saying, he flat out asked. "Are you implying that you'll kill Alpha?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

"Why?" Rick shook his head. "What's the catch? You just said she loves having you around. You have a brand new army here. Why are you willing to jeopardize that?"

Negan tipped his mouth up in a fleeting smile and then let it fade just as quickly. "You're not going to believe the next part of this... but I'll ask you to fuckin' bare with me." When Rick said nothing, he went on. "You know the type of relationship you have with that woman of yours Rick? Well... turns out I found that same type of shit."

Rick almost rolled his eyes but simply said, "Yeah..."

"I'm sure you can't believe it coming from a guy like me." Negan put a hand on his own chest, "But shit... I might as well lay the whole story out there so you can properly evaluate." He scratched the bridge of his nose with his middle finger and then made eye contact with Rick more directly again, "It's not fucking safe for her here... or her friend Nina. They're animals; monsters."

"And you're not?" Rick shot back.

"Not like this." He shook his head, "You and I... we never did see eye to eye. We probably never will and I don't want to play the blame game but you struck first blood on my people... and that's neither here nor there. I don't want to bring up the past because there is a shit ton of shit that could turn this conversation into..." He shook his head, "Where the fuck was I?"

"You were explaining how you were less of a monster than these Whisperers," Rick said, heavy in his sarcasm.

"Right." He grinned briefly again, pointing toward Rick for a moment and then continuing on, "They do shit that I would never do. I've killed... methodically. So have you. I've done some fucked up shit to your people in order for me to stay on top with my own people, and for my own survival. I know my rights and wrongs and I don't do it for pleasure or any of that shit. I mean honestly you killed my outpost of people because you needed to fuckin' eat, am I right?" He raised his eyebrows. "I fucking get that shit Rick. I do. I just had to do what I needed to do to assure that wouldn't happen again. I wasn't about to let you take down my crew group by group. I sent a message, I won for a little while but guess fucking what... you won the war. I respect the hell out of that shit."

"And I'm supposed to just forget-"

"No." Negan shook his head. "No we'll never forget. We'll never fucking forget what we've done to survive in this shithole of a world." He shook his head again and grew more serious. "Fuck no."

"So you want to kill Alpha because your... friends aren't safe."

"Oh, more than just a friend Rick." He chuckled at his word choice. "But in a nutshell, yes."

"The one who helped you break out of the Hilltop?"

Negan smiled wider. "She fuckin' loves me. Wouldn't Michonne do that for you? That's her name right?" He continued to smile, "Fuck yeah she would." Negan laughed again and put his hands on his head.

"Seems like you've gotten cozy with Alpha too. Doesn't sound like you're deserving of this woman's love."

"I haven't done shit with Alpha." Negan spit and hardened his stare, "I'm fucking playing her. I've worked myself up the ranks here in a short fucking time because she's infatuated with my touch guy bullshit. But I want to get the fuck out of here. And I know you want Carl to get the fuck out of here. I take Alpha out, and her top guys... one of which I've already taken out, Carl and Lydia return to the Alexandra Safe Zone, the Whisperers are without their leader and you are sitting fucking pretty as shit."

Rick hated that his words were making sense and decided to dig a little deeper. If the plan worked out like he was claiming Rick knew their group would be free of the Whisperer threat. All in all he knew Negan could pull it off. He knew first hand that he had no problem killing when he needed to. He'd just gushed about it openly and honestly.

"What's in it for you?" Rick asked, "What do you just get to go free? Ride off into the sunset?"

"I know you wouldn't allow for that shit."

"You're right." He nodded.

"What I'd want in return..." Negan cleared his throat and regained Rick's full attention. "I want refuge for Marilyn. She's my girl. And Nina... Simon."

"Simon." Rick began to shake his head with a smile.

"He won't be a fucking problem. He's loyal to me. Give him a gun and let him stand watch. Give him the shitty shifts. He'll-"

"I don't think Tara... or the rest of them would welcome Marilyn back with open arms either."

"She's pregnant Rick." Negan blurted out. "And honestly without a doctor I don't know what the fuck will happen. Shit, maybe she'll be alright. Maybe she'll get malnourished. Maybe the baby will..." His voice trailed off and he scratched the back of his head. Negan looked down for a moment and sensed Rick was studying his body language. When he looked back up Rick stared back at him.

"Your kid?"

"Well it ain't fuckin' Simon's."

Rick finally looked away from Negan and dropped his weapon, sensing his enemy was being truthful, ultimately now having just as much to lose as he did with his own son, his own family. He shook his head. "I don't know who needs who more right now."

"My thoughts exactly." Negan ran a hand across his beard. "You and I have always been on opposite sides of a fuckin' coin and frankly I don't know who's wrong and who's right anymore... but I'll give you the edge in humanity. You've always had it. I lost mine and I just recently fuckin' got it back."

"So what happens to you then... Negan? Do you sit watch at nights with Simon at the top of the Alexandra guard towers? Do you become one of my top guys the same way you did with Alpha?" Rick shook his head, "It doesn't work like that."

"I know," Negan agreed, "I'm not fucking expecting that shit."

"What then?" Rick asked again, "What happens to you?"

"I'll let you throw me back in a cell." Negan looked him in the eye. "The one at Alexandria where there's sunlight and a more comfortable looking bed. Not chained to a wall in the basement at the Hilltop. I've seen the cell at Alexandria."

Rick narrowed his eyes at him. "What you did to Daryl-"

"I know what I fucking did to Daryl," Negan said, "And I offered him a room if he agreed to be one of my guys. I really did fucking like him... still do." He leveled with him, "The past is what it is and it can't be changed. But the present can still be salvaged." Negan's chest heaved up and down once, "I'll kill Alpha and the other main Whisperers that are running shit here. You'll get Carl back. The little war you're having with them will be over. You'll get me back behind bars, and my pregnant wife will have a safe place to deliver the baby." He held out a hand and Rick looked down at it, an then back up. "What do you say Rick?"


	95. Small Victories

Marilyn wished she was more of an impulsive person at times, though was certain her methodical, rational thinking contributed to keeping her alive. She wanted to leap the wall and go see if Negan was alright. He'd explained that Rick was reasonable, though Marilyn knew of their violent history. There was no way she was about to sleep even if she wanted to. She had to know he was alright.

 _What if he's not back when the sun comes up?_ Marilyn thought. She shuddered at the thought, feeling the hair raise on the back of her neck.

"You alright?" Simon asked, nudging her with his elbow.

"Not really." She took a deep breath.

He handed her a water bottle. "You still feeling sick?"

Marilyn accepted it and gently sipped at it. "Not in the last few hours."

Simon looked around and scratched the back of his head. "Look if you need me to deliver the baby..." He shrugged and then turned to her with a slow smile, making Marilyn laugh briefly. "Hey if it makes you feel any better, Negan can handle himself out there."

"I know."

Nina unzipped the tent and slowly crawled out, joining where the two of them sat just outside of it. "I can't sleep either."

"That makes three of us," Marilyn explained, scooting over so she could sit in between her and Simon.

"How ya feeling?" Nina rubbed her upper back for a moment and then rested her elbows on her knees in front of her.

"Tired... achy... but I could live with that if Negan was here safe."

"Boobs hurt yet?"

Marilyn glanced over, seeing Simon look away, purposely putting his hands over his ears. Again, she managed a quick smile but sighed. "Everything is out of whack." She rested her head in her palm and shook her head and took another swig from the bottle of water. "Negan said I was going to hate what he was going to suggest to Rick."

"He'll do what's right I'm sure."

"Yeah..."

"Is he... happy at all... about that." Nina pointed toward Marilyn's stomach.

"I wish we could be."

"You will be."

"If I make it out of it alive."

"Marilyn..." Nina sighed. "Don't even go there."

"It's a possibility-" She began, but whipped her head around when she heard a faint metal clanking from the wall behind them. Marilyn rose to her feet, glancing up. Her eyes were wide as she waited, not blinking as she stared at the top of the wall.

 _Please..._ Marilyn silently prayed that it would be Negan emerging from the outside. When she saw Negan hoist himself up from behind the wall she felt her entire body relax and she almost began to cry. The highs and lows had been too high and too low as of recent and she was having a difficult time keeping up.

When Negan's feet hit the ground Marilyn ran up to him. She threw her arms around him and Negan hugged her back, kissing her forehead before seeing Simon towing Nina in their direction.

"So..." Simon put his arms out to the sides, "Whatever your pitch was... did it work?"

Negan cleared his throat and glanced down as Marilyn pulled back a few inches to look up at him. Her expression hit him like a hammer to the chest and so he glanced back at Simon. "Yeah... yeah he took the deal."

"Well that's good then," Marilyn thought, "Right?"

He hesitated and then nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Simon raised his eyebrows. "What's the next step then?"

Negan swallowed hard. "I lure Alpha away, take care of her, kill Kevin in the process... take out Beta if I can."

"I can get my hands dirty too buddy."

He nodded. "It just has to be done in an order that makes sense." Negan cleared his throat, "I want to be the one to take out Kevin. But Beta... when I get back from killing Alpha I'll send you after Beta."

Simon nodded. "Sure thing... then what? What happens after we kill them?"

"We let Carl go. He'll bring Lydia with him back to Alexandria." Before Simon could ask what would happen to them Negan put up a hand, "And from there you'll have to trust my judgment... or take a different course yourself. I plan on leaving here in a vehicle with Alpha tomorrow. I'm going to keep the keys and park it behind the fence here." He nodded with his head. "When the dirty work is done I'm going to bring her head to Rick."

"He knows the four of us are here," Simon suspected.

"Yeah."

"And he's willing to accept that?"

Negan nodded again. "It's going to work itself out. I want to take it one step at a time and focus on part one. Alpha, Kevin, Beta."

"AKB," Simon joked.

"Yeah..."

"Sounds like a fraternity or some shit." He laughed to himself and hit him in the arm. "So we're all set for this shit then."

"We're set." Negan nodded and looked back at Marilyn, "I think all four of us should really try to get some fuckin' sleep."

Simon cracked his knuckles. "You and me. We always got this shit."

"Tomorrow's a big day," he confirmed.

He smiled and nodded before glanced at Nina. "Bed time?"

"Yeah."

"Don't talk so much," Negan joked, making her smile before the two of them headed to their tent. He turned to Marilyn when they were left standing alone and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too." She sighed and brushed his hair back. "Something's not right. I can tell."

"Everything worked out like I wanted it to."

"You promise?" Marilyn never looked away from his eyes and saw the soft pain the lingered there.

"I promise." The two of them looked at one another for a long moment before he reached for her hand.

"There's something you're not telling me." Marilyn squeezed his hand as they rounded into the tent.

Negan turned on a small lantern and then zipped it up before pulling her down to sit with him. "You're right."

When he didn't immediately tell her she pressed him for answers. "What is it?"

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Rick didn't agree, did he?" Marilyn suspected.

"No, he did." Negan nodded and waved her to him.

Marilyn readjusted herself, allowing him to pull her to him so she was seated in between his legs with her back to his chest. When he wrapped his arms around her and interlocked their fingers she felt her imagination will her to a few silent tears that she let stream down her face when Negan pressed the side of his face against hers.

He closed his eyes and held her tighter. "It'll all make sense baby."

"What will?"

"Everything."

Marilyn knew there was a giant piece of the puzzle missing. She had known that for the last day but she didn't know what it was and getting it out of Negan was nearly impossible. When she heard him sniff in she pressed her eyes shut tighter and felt his beard rub against her face as he struggled to maintain his own composure. It made her stomach sink to think he might actually be crying.

"I'm sorry honey." Negan's voice cracked and he cleared his throat just after.

Marilyn let one of her hands drape across her mouth and she let out a sob she'd been compressing before turning around to face him directly. When she saw his red-rimmed eyes he looked away, attempting to mask the emotion that had worked its way to the surface despite his best efforts to hide it.

"Talk to me," she begged, retaking his hands in hers as more tears crept over her cheekbones and slid down toward her chin.

"I haven't done this shit since uh..." Negan dried his eyes but more tears fell, "Since Lucille fuckin' died." He shook his head and looked down, "Fuck."

"Your vulnerability is freaking me out," she told him quietly, purposely reiterating the words from the first night they were together in his room.

He tipped his mouth up in a smile and then gently brought his hand to her cheek and let his thumb dance along her face. "Marilyn. Please don't hate me when I finally get the balls to tell you the missing part of this plan."

"I'm not capable."

"I think when you have our son you'll fully understand."

"It's going to be a baby boy huh?" She laughed lightly making him grin though the somber undertones to both of their demeanors continued to state their dominance.

"Wishful thinking," Negan joked. He glanced down and folded in his hands together, resting his forehead there for a moment.

"You can... you should just tell me now. It's way worse in my mind Negan."

He looked back up to meet her stare. "Are you feeling okay? Do you feel sick still... since this morning?"

Marilyn shook her head. "I feel better. Not great but better."

"Good," he said in a voice just above a whisper. Again, for a moment they just sat staring at one another before Negan finally began to wipe a hand across his damp eyelashes. He kicked off his boots, removed his jacket and slowly peeled off his white t-shirt. Marilyn studied him a moment as he laid down flat and pulled her by the hand again toward him. "Can you just lay with me... tonight?"

She leaned down and touched her lips to his. "Yeah." As bad as Marilyn wanted to press him for answers she could see the emotional toll everything was taking on him. She didn't even know Negan had it in him to cry.

He pulled up at the bottom of her shirt and Marilyn stripped down to her underwear and closed her eyes as he sensually kissed her neck and chest before wrapping his arms around her. Negan found her lips again as she hovered above him and then let out a deep breath against her mouth.

Marilyn kissed him several more times in a row before laying her head flat on his bare chest. He tightened his grip with one hand around the base of her back and cradled her head with his other hand.

Negan laid awake for a long while and didn't know if Marilyn had drifted off to sleep or was laying as still as he was, awake in the darkness. Since the beginning of the apocalypse he hadn't felt unsure of himself because it was solely himself he was worried about. There was no other wager on the board. Since he'd met Marilyn he wanted nothing more than for her to have the best possible life in the world they lived in. As it stood right then he didn't know if he had completely fucked that up for her, or if things would turn out to be some warped fairytale in disguise.

However things ended up, he knew that tomorrow at that time Marilyn wouldn't be happy. They wouldn't be wrapped up together under the covers and talking about what the future held. Negan knew he would be in a cell, and Marilyn would be in a warm, comfortable bed several houses down. That was the only comfort Negan took in the situation - that Marilyn would be in a safe, comfortable place.

For now, he had to live with that as their reality. It was their best option, their only option that entailed living safely.

 _Small victories_ , he thought, reverting back to his original plans from the moment he first laid eyes on Marilyn. _It's about giving her the safest life possible... and then we'll fuckin' take it from there._

Negan didn't want to fall asleep. He wanted to take advantage of the moment he had laying there with Marilyn because he was certain it would be something he would be stripped of for a while. He kissed the top of her head again and prayed that she would understand before the heavy, nagging pull under his eyes eventually won the battle and Negan finally fell asleep with Marilyn in his arms.


	96. Right or Wrong

"I was about to drive out there." Michonne pulled Rick to her and hugged him when he arrived back at the vehicle they had taken together to his meeting with Negan.

Rick hugged her back and didn't initially say anything. When Michonne pulled away and looked at him directly he sighed deeply and looked down.

"Well..." She ducked her head to force him to look at her, letting her eyes shift back and forth as she took in his posture.

Rick put his hands on his hips, took one step back and then finally looked back up. "I made a deal." He nodded to himself, as if confirming the thought.

"What is it?" Michonne pressed her eyebrows together and her voice shook. "What did Negan say?"

"He's going to kill Alpha... tomorrow."

"Why would he want to do that?" She whispered loudly, "I saw their interaction."

"He's doing it for..." He looked around and almost laughed but he couldn't bring himself to. "His wife."

Michonne's features twisted in confusion. "Negan has a wife?"

"Apparently." Rick scratched the bridge of his nose, "Marilyn... the woman who broke him out of the Hilltop. The one Tara befriended."

She shook her head. "I can't imagine Negan doing something like this for anyone other than himself."

"Yeah..."

"There has to be catch."

Rick shook his head slowly, "I don't think so."

"Are you sure he's being honest?"

Rick nodded. "Yeah... he, uh..." He kept his voice low and tried to run through the conversation he'd had with Negan in his mind.

"So he kills Alpha and then what? What does he want?"

"He kills Alpha... and Beta. Some others." Rick brushed his hair back and wiped sweat that refused to leave his forehead. "Carl comes back home... with Lydia."

" _If_ Lydia comes back." Michonne sighed, overwhelmed by the risky chess move they were now actively engaged in. "You still haven't gotten to the point of what's in it for him," she reminded him. "He does all of this... risks all of this... for what? If there's anything about Negan it's that he does things for a bigger reason."

"His wife is carrying a child."

She raised her eyebrows in a sense of disbelief. "What?"

"She's pregnant... and he wants her to have a safe place to stay."

"With us? Negan?" Michonne asked, "I'm not having that animal-"

"He offered to be locked in the cell at Alexandria... the one Morgan built." Rick added, "In return for her safety."

Michonne opened her mouth to speak but stopped as she wasn't sure what to say.

"And then there's another woman that is with them."

"Rick..."

"And Simon."

"Simon." The name registered with her, "No." Michonne began to shake her head.

"That will be something to discuss later."

"I am _not_ working side by side with Simon. He's just as bad as Negan."

"We'll figure it out," Rick reiterated. "Michonne..." He sighed, "This could get the Whisperers out of our lives. We could do what we've been striving to do and just... live. We don't even have to get our hands dirty. No more wars. No more violence... not on our end."

"So we're going to let Negan do our dirty work?"

"He offered." Rick looked her in the eye. "I don't want to keep risking us... keep risking you. Carl is here with these people now who have zero moral code that they live by. But he refuses to leave Lydia."

Michonne looked around the darkness. "Carl has a big heart."

"Yeah..." Rick continued to try holding her eye contact. "What do you think about Marilyn?"

She sighed loudly and folded her arms across her chest. "I've never met her. I don't know how the others will feel so I can't speak for them."

"Speak for you," he encouraged her, "What do _you_ think?"

"A pregnant woman on the road." Thoughts of Rick's first wife Lori crossed her mind but she didn't speak them aloud. "Her chances are..." Michonne shook her head.

"It _is_ Negan's child we're talking about," Rick added.

"Does that matter?"

Rick wasn't sure, though he knew that the unborn child had nothing to do with their past even the DNA did match Negan's. "Not if he's locked up." He took one step toward Michonne, "That's why I took the deal. If he keeps his end of this we get Carl back, Negan is back behind bars and no longer a threat to us-"

"And we have another baby."

"Negan's baby," Rick said again

"A baby," Michonne repeated.

"Yeah." Rick sucked his teeth, "A deal with the devil... to show our humanity; to carry on with new life."

"A deal with the devil," she repeated.

They made eye contact, holding the stares of one another and Michonne felt a chill run up her back.

"I feel like we're both on the same page," Michonne said.

"What page is that?"

"Confusion... of what's wrong and right; what's safe and what's not."

"If he's locked away under constant surveillance and he has as much to lose as I think he does..." Rick raised his eyebrows again at her.

"And he has no army behind him," Michonne added. She sighed and bit down on her thumbnail. "The Sanctuary is being run smoothly by Dwight. Things between all of our communities are fine. It's just the Whisperers."

Rick looked around in the darkness. "By this time tomorrow the threat could be minimal."

"Yeah..." Michonne followed his stare, eerily glancing into the shadows that were cast by the towering trees. There wasn't much that spooked her anymore but the unorthodox way that the Whispers lived covered in walker skin constantly, among other things, made the hair raise on the back of her neck.

"I hope this is the right call," Rick said to her. He nodded toward the car and Michonne hopped in the driver's seat, letting an arm hang out the window as Rick rounded toward the passenger's side.

"Me too," she said aloud to herself, starting the engine. "Me too."


	97. The Storm Before the Storm

Negan's eyes flickered open and the glow of barely-there sunlight filtered through the thin walls of the tent where he still laid with Marilyn. He ran a hand across his forehead and sighed, acknowledging a stiffness in his neck and left shoulder. For a moment he wondered how long they'd been asleep for, as he guessed the hour couldn't have been later than four or five in the morning.

Marilyn laid beside him, eyes open and staring past the blue nylon cover above them before turning in his direction as he stirred.

"Don't go," she said simply, her voice still shaky from the intense nature of their conversation the night before.

Negan let his eyes close again and let his hand drift over so it rested on her leg. "I don't want to," he grumbled. Exhaustion lingered in the short, few words he spoke.

"Can't we just leave?" Marilyn turned toward him now, speaking more desperately. "There is a whole world of possibilities out there."

"Good and bad," Negan reminded her.

"I'm willing to take my chances. I know you'll be able to protect me." She shook her head, trying to think of something that might convince him.

"Honey," he touched her face, "That's why I'm doing all of this... to fuckin' protect you."

"There has to be something else."

Negan shook his head. "For now... this is our best option. If there were another way-"

"There _is_ another way," Marilyn pleaded, "We can go... just go."

"Remember when I found you?" he asked, "How close to death you were being out there." Negan pointed aimlessly outward over her shoulder, though continued to speak in a gentle nature that he hoped she would understand, "That's the reality. We got lucky with the camp site and then lucky again that Alpha's crew didn't just take us out." He leaned forward and kissed the center of her forehead. "We need a fucking place with walls... and structure... and a fuckin' moral code."

"We can find that somewhere."

"We have found that... it's at the Alexandria Safe Zone."

Inside Marilyn wanted to kick and scream until she got her way, but the mature woman inside of her sighed and took a deep breath. "Answer me one thing honestly with a yes or a no."

Negan didn't look away from her eyes. "Okay."

"Does any part of this hold the possibility of Rick or one of his allies killing you?" Her eyes burned into his.

He shook his head, replying right away. "No."

"If you're lying to me-"

"Marilyn," Negan interrupted her, "When have I ever fuckin' lied to you?"

She bit down on her lip and closed her eyes hard and shook her head, squeaking out the word, "Never," in her attempt to remain strong.

He pulled her to him again and put his lips to her ear. "Just be ready to hop that fence and get in the pickup truck." Negan swallowed hard, "Trust me. Even when things don't make sense I need that from you. I really fucking need that shit from you."

"Okay." Marilyn agreed right away and held him tighter against her.

"Close your eyes."

"What?"

Negan continued to speak quietly against her ear, "Just close them."

Marilyn did as he asked and then let out a sign when she felt the scruff from his beard against her shoulder before he laid kisses against her collar bone. She opened her eyes for a brief second, finding his closed as he carried on. Marilyn ran her fingers through his hair before drifting her hand down his neck and back.

He opened his eyes and brought his lips to hers, smiling once softly. "I told you to close your eyes."

Marilyn's eyes pressed shut as he kissed her more enthusiastically. She took a more emotionally-driven, aggressive role and leaned up, challenging his tongue with her own. When he continued to simply kiss her back Marilyn reached her hands down as far as they could go, urging his boxer-briefs down off his hips.

Negan released a breath into her mouth, breaking their kiss for only a second before both of them met halfway and continued kissing in a raw, heated fashion. "I was uh..." He tried to speak but sighed again but the feel of her hands against him wouldn't allow a comprehensive thought to his brain. When she readjusted, hugging his upper body again he continued, despite her efforts to continue kissing him. "I was trying to fuckin' take it a little slow." Marilyn's mouth crashed back against his and Negan tried his hardest to suppress a moan from the intensity of her kiss.

She grabbed the back of his head and whispered into his ear. "Don't." Marilyn needed to get away from reality for a moment, and she had a terrible feeling about the events to come in the next few hours based on Negan's emotional reaction the night before. She wasn't even wholly certain she would ever get to hold him again and so she didn't hold back.

Negan ran his fingers from the highest, inner-most part of her thigh down toward her knee and then more strongly gripped the outsides of her hips as she drifted each leg to the outsides of his. He pulled up at he backs of her knees and then reignited their kiss when he pushed inside of her.

Mariyln's appreciative, desperate moan against his lips made him pull his mouth from hers, burying a moan of his own into the nook of her neck.

She sighed loudly and dug her fingers into the tops of shoulders, encouraging him as he so often did to her. "Let it out," Marilyn whispered into his ear, unable to hide her own pleasure as he crashed his hips against hers.

Negan couldn't deny her requests. The feeling, the emotion and her assertive commands drew him deeper into the moment. For a moment no one else existed other than the two of them, and so any worries or cares he'd previously had were put on a temporary still.

The arousal Marilyn felt from Negan's needy, panting breaths against her neck sent her to new highs as he relentlessly pursued her body with his own. "God... Negan..." His name trickled from her mouth in a whimper and she accepted his frenzied kiss that made both of them equally profess the craving they had for one another in that moment through a lament of sighs and moans.

Negan pushed himself back onto his knees, needing the access to touch every part of her without letting up. He closed his eyes, and subconsciously cocked his head back and let out a loud moan, feeling Marilyn's nails against the front of his hip bones. His hands, previously secured on the backs of her knees, trailed up her stomach until he lightly gripped both of her breasts. He was thankful when he felt her contractions pulse against him inside of her because he was only seconds away from ending the moment for both of them.

In the final seconds he secured her hip in one hand and grabbed her face with the other, digging his fingers into her jawline as he attempted to kiss her again while he reached an orgasm of his own and spasmed inside of her.

Negan's lips parted, barely grazing Marilyn's and where he would typically let out a string of curse words he could only say her name. The moment lasted longer than he'd anticipated so when the blood flow finally returned to all parts of his body he felt comfortably numb.

Marilyn ran her hand down his sweaty back, sensing it would still be a minute or two before Negan's breathing steadied out. Aside from his continued string of heavy breaths he didn't move. His hands were lazily locked against the outsides of her thighs, his face buried in the pillow beneath where she laid, hot breaths against her neck and he remained dormant inside of her.

Negan didn't want to move; he didn't want to leave the moment because he knew when he did the next step was getting up, getting dressed and killing Alpha. He didn't want to do it, but desperate times, he knew, called for desperate measures. Still, he didn't want to face it - not yet.

"Negan," Marilyn finally spoke, forcing him out of the sensual daze she'd put him in. He raised his head to look at her and planted one, lazy kiss on her lips.

"There's more meaning behind this than the way it's going to come out when I say it," he let out a breath, "But if that wasn't the fuck of a lifetime I don't know what was."

She smiled and drifted a hand to the back of his neck. "Just tell me it wasn't a... goodbye fuck." Marilyn barely got the last word out because she felt referencing the act in that way took away from the meaning, though she also took into consideration who the man of dreams was, her husband; the love of her life. It was Negan... and he wouldn't reference it in any other way and so she felt right about it.

"No." Negan sighed through his nose and closed his eyes as he kissed her again. "But shit... today's a big day and we got a fucked up immediately future looming over us." He reopened his eyes and looked down at her, "So... I just hope that one can last you a while."

Marilyn knew she would find out the detail about everything that day - the intimate details that Negan so strategically left out, and so she didn't challenge him. She didn't have it in her at that moment and so she pulled back down against her where he laid silently against her chest. "So this is the calm before the storm?" she suspected.

He would have typically laughed as he spoke but he didn't. Negan brought his lips to her ear again, purposely letting them dance across her earlobe "Unfortunately, honey... this is the storm before the storm."


	98. Half Hour

**I made a 3rd part "trailer" if anyone is interested (ignore the title at the end haha)** **you tube dot com /watch?v=aY3TTgIq5KI**

Negan exited the tent to find Simon leaving at the same time. The two men exchanged a glance and Negan raised his eyebrows.

"I'll wait for you to get back," Simon told him with a head nod.

"I'm coming over the fucking wall here." Negan motioned with his hand and then threw on his jacket, zipping it up three-quarters of the way. He sighed and Marilyn made her way out of the tent. "I'm going to give you the keys to the truck honey. You can get up and over the wall right?"

"Nina!" Simon shouted and patted the tent, "Come here."

Marilyn nodded at him. "Yeah."

"Plan B?" Simon asked, "If shit gets fucked up?"

"Plan B is run for your fuckin' life," Negan told him, "Ideally... get to the fuckin' truck."

Nina ducked out of the tent, tossing her hair into a high bun on top of her head. "Sorry." She wiped under her eyes with both hands.

"Can you climb that shit?" Negan asked, pointing to the wall.

She didn't turn to look up but simply nodded. "Yeah."

"Simon is going to keep his eyes on Beta," he informed them, "When I get back from killing Alpha. I'm coming up and over... then I'm going to take out Kevin and anyone else I can along the way before communicating with Carl and Lydia. They have to go back to Rick on their own."

"So what do we do?" Nina asked.

"Stay put," Negan told her, "Wait for us to fuckin' get back and when we do you go."

"Okay." She nodded.

"Simon," he went on, "Stay with them until I get back over the walls. I still don't want either of them alone."

He nodded in agreement and looked at Nina first and then Marilyn.

Negan nodded toward Marilyn. "I'm going to get this thing fuckin' started. You okay? Ready?"

She nodded back, trying to show that she was confident in order to give him some added comfort in her ability to cope with the heavy nature of their plans. "I'm ready."

"Good." He winked, touched her face and kissed her cheek. "I'll be back."

"Be safe." Marilyn reached for his hand for a moment and then let it go as he pulled away to head toward the building in search for Alpha. "I love you Negan."

"I love you too." He gave a small smile and then headed on his way.

Negan had a plan to lure Alpha away, and he just hoped that should would got for it. It was crucial to put the entire thing in motion. When he saw her from a distance his heart rate picked up and he felt a nervousness like he hadn't since the beginning of it all with regard to killing someone. If there was something he had a problem with it was killing women - regardless of the reason behind it. Alpha was a monster in her own right and the fact that she liked him added to that trouble. When she flashed him a smile as he approached the feeling crept in a little deeper.

"Negan."

"Alpha." He approached with his hands in his pockets and looked her up and down, a stare which she returned.

"I think we have a solid dynamic duo thing in the making here," she claimed, "Rick's face yesterday wasn't something I've seen before... even from myself and my own men."

"Well... we have a very fuckin' complicated past." Negan drew a finger across the faint scar on his neck where Rick slashed his throat.

"It's amazing you're still alive."

"Well... Marilyn saved me. I owe her."

Alpha's eyes squinted just a bit. "Is this why you stay with her?"

Negan decided to play the angle that she laid out. "I guess," he lied with a nonchalant shrug.

"I see..."

He purposely let his eyes travel the length of her body, seductively challenging her will power. "You, uh... you want to fuckin' get out of here? Take a drive?"

"Take a drive?" Alpha raised her eyebrows.

Negan cleared his throat and flashed a cool smile. "I told you that assertive shit you throw around gets me going. There's nothing I like more than seeing Rick shit a brick and you bring that out of him." He chuckled and held her eye contact.

"What are you suggesting?" Alpha smiled back at him.

"Whatever you want."

She subconsciously let her tongue dance across her lower lip and looked around at the collection of tents around the area. "I'll put Beta in a charge for a half hour."

"A half hour sounds like the perfect amount of time."

Alpha couldn't help but give a chuckle, drawn in to his subtly seductive mannerisms. She held up a finger. "Give me a minute."

"Sure."

She waved him with her and the two of them approached where Beta was working with another man, hauling a container of supplies toward the building.

"Beta!" Alpha called out, "I need you to keep an eye on things for a minute or two. I'm going to check something out down at the camp."

Beta eyed Negan a moment, who stood confidently beside Alpha. "Okay," she agreed without question, despite the skepticism in her eyes.

"Kevin." Alpha looked at the man, "Go make sure Carl is back in shackles. Lydia had the keys and I'm afraid she might do something impulsive."

A smirk took over Kevin's face and he nodded. "Sure thing. Soon as we finish with this?" he asked.

"Of course."

Negan eyed the man up and down, studying every element that made him up. Little did Alpha know that she just wrote Kevin's death certificate. He was pegged and Negan prayed he would make it back in time to stop him from doing whatever it was that was going through his mind behind the sly smile. It made him sick to his stomach, and the rage he felt inside built back up when he looked back at Alpha, almost so much so that he couldn't fully mask it. Any remorse he formally felt walking up to Alpha to lure her to her death left his body as he was reminded of the monster that lurked beneath the surface; the evil that the woman bestowed on her own daughter.

When Alpha looked back to Negan he forced himself to unharden his jaw and smile at her.

"Ready?" she asked him.

Negan cleared his throat, glancing at Beta and Kevin once more and got back into the mindset he needed to carry out the plan. "Ready," he confirmed.

Alpha waved a hand and motioned for him to follow her. "Let's go."


	99. Lions, Tigers and Bears

Negan's mind was a whirlwind as he and Alpha drove away from the Whisperers' camp. He thought of Lydia and the awful life she was enduring, still loyal to her mother out of fear despite the things she had done to belittle her spirit and drag her humanity through the mud. He thought of Marilyn and her vulnerability. He thought of Simon and Nina, and the uncertainty of their future. That was a new concern, and he felt like Marilyn had somehow put more life into his formerly black heart. Negan acknowledged that he did care about what happened with Simon and it added to his stress. Still, the warrior inside of him always won the battle and he re-registered his thoughts back to the mission at hand.

Alpha was silent throughout the ride and he wasn't sure why. He didn't know if she was nervous being alone with him because of her desire for him or if she knew inside that he was dangerous.

 _I suppose will all have the instinct of imminent danger_ , he thought. Negan wasn't sure if this was true but it's what he personally found to be true.

When the car finally slowed to a halt in view of the water by the camp site, Alpha gently killed the engine and stared out the front windshield.

"It's a nice day isn't it?" she commented as if they had planned a picnic.

Negan looked at the shimmer off the water on the lake. It _was_ a nice day. Perfect in fact. There were only scarce puffy, perfectly white clouds in the sky and the temperatures were in the mid seventies, he guessed, with a breeze that made the temperature feel just a few degrees lower.

"Yeah." His response was short and he felt an awkwardness begin to set in. It's when he began his rant; his final rant to understand Alpha. "Do you get pleasure from seeing people hurt?" he asked, "From hurting people?"

Alpha was taken off-guard, snapping her head his direction as her hand drifted off the steering wheel. "Do you?"

Negan shook his head and looked her in the eye. "No... I don't." He held her stare, "Why do you leave your daughter with the animals?"

"We're all animals Negan."

"That's some bullshit Alpha... and you know it." He nodded at her, speaking calmly.

"We've been knocked down more than a few pegs in this society. We're back to basic survival instincts. The weak die, the strong live." Alpha shook her head, "It's as simple as that. A man of your structure should understand that by now. Our animal instincts are what drive us."

"You're wrong Alpha. We have a higher level of thinking than fuckin' lions and tigers and fuckin' bears. We know right from wrong."

"And have your actions all been on the right side?"

"No." Negan answered honestly, "I've done unspeakable things. But I've always had a reason. It's always been for the greater good. Never for pleasure... never just to brutalize, and I certainly wouldn't have others brutalize in my name for a cause. Kevin is a scum sucking shit bag that deserves to be put down and you let him do what he pleases to probably the one person who will always have your fuckin' back no matter what." He paused, seeing he was getting to her from the look on her face, "There are so many groups for us to assemble against, to unite against and you do this shit to your own fucking people; your own daughter."

"She's weak Negan." Alpha looked away.

"Who the fuck are you kidding?" he asked, "You have Beta... and Kevin... and me now to fuckin' protect you. Without that you wouldn't have shit. You'd be the weak one Alpha. If I wanted to do something to you out here... I could. You wouldn't be able to fuckin' stop me. How the hell does that make you stronger than Lydia?"

Alpha's eyes dampened at first and then tears began to fall as she looked away from him. "You're right." She shook her head, "You could. I've been... maybe I am a... Lydia is my daughter. I haven't been..." She couldn't get out a full sentence in her reflection on her life with Lydia. "I don't know when I... I lost my sense of-"

"Humanity?" Negan finished her sentence, "I lost someone right before the start of this shit... someone I loved, the only person I loved up until that time. My emotional numbness allowed me to lead my old group - the Saviors. We did shit. We killed people. But we did shit to build our own community and preserve ourselves. Selfish, fuck yeah. Who the fuck doesn't want to survive? But it wasn't at the cost of doing shit to people just to do it. We had weaker members of our community, and fuck they might've pulled the shittier jobs and shifts but we all functioned together. We lived. The weak are a part of society, it's the only way to fuckin' rebuild shit. If you say people who rely on me aren't going to live unless I turn someone's head into a bowl of gravy? I'm fucking there. If you tell me I have to kill a whole army of people just to keep myself alive... sure fuckin' thing! But this Alpha... what you fucking condone? Fuck that! It helps no one. It only contributes to the downfall of this fucked up world and for no fucking reason whatsoever."

Alpha dried her eyes and looked around the landscape again before looking back to Negan. "You belong here Negan. You belong with us." She shook her head, "Maybe I was wrong... I've done things wrong all along." She looked at him again and leaned slightly in his direction. "You belong with the Whisperers Negan."

Negan leaned toward her, lingering just a few inches away from her face. He looked down and back up, regaining her eye contact and then whispered, "I don't want to fucking be here." Before Alpha could attempt to respond he subtly reached for a knife tucked into his pants and slid the blade firmly across her neck.

Alpha's eyes widened in shock and a hint of sadness. She reached a hand up, immediately drawing it back as blood began to spill from the wound. Her mouth opened, a heart-broken stare still holding onto Negan's eyes as she watched the blood drain from her body.

He waited a moment, watching her life slowly end - the arms reached out, the gargling noises, the eyes that eventually rolled back into her head before her body slumped down in the driver's seat of the truck.

Negan stared out at the water again - the perfect peaceful day ruined by a kill he would pray would do just as he'd claimed a moment ago - benefit the greater good; the masses; his people; Marilyn.

With a deep breath and a look over his should Negan exited the truck and hurried around to the driver's side to remove Alpha's body. Without another thought he finished the job he'd begun, removing her head and placing it in the bed of the truck before taking her place behind the wheel.

"Rick is going to shit a brick when he sees what I've brought him." Negan would have felt remorse if it wasn't for Lydia, and for a new world order he hoped to contribute to. What Negan was concerned about now was Rick - would he keep his end of the bargain?

 _Well..._ he thought as he restarted the engine, _we're about to fuckin' find out._


	100. The Strong Survive

**If anyone has time would you mind checking out my "Here's Negan" fan-made video? It goes along with his heartbreaking backstory that has been turned into a comic... you tube dot com /watch?v=KX6WYzm2OLE**

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Negan's heart was pounding so hard that his eardrums were pulsing. He drove erratically away from the camp, sending sand flying up in all directions from the back tires as he peeled out. He didn't think of Alpha, not even when her decapitated head clunked around in the bed of the truck. Negan eyed the rearview mirror and noted that the temporary paradise he'd experienced with Marilyn at the camp was now just a fleeting memory. Things were about to get heavy.

It felt like hours to get back to the Whisperer camp though when he passed the row of severed heads, keeping an eye out for anyone in Alpha's army as he drove, he knew what had to be done. Step one, and perhaps that more difficult step in the process, was finished.

Negan killed the engine and pulled the keys before hurrying out of the driver's seat. He glanced into the back of the truck, eying Alpha's lifeless head and wondered in a passing thought when it was she would turn.

The wall towered above him and he didn't hesitate. Negan scaled the wall, leaping down back behind the tents where they'd been sleeping. Like always, Marilyn came running to him, eyes wide with questions and angst. She didn't have to ask, he knew what was running through her mind.

"I'm okay," he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. Simon and Nina hurried to them, each looking over their shoulders as they approached. "She's dead," Negan informed them quietly. "Her... head's in the back of the fuckin' truck."

"Are we ready?" Simon asked him.

"Yeah." Negan nodded confidently at him. "I'm going in to take out Kevin. Be discreet."

"Always." He reached into the back of his pants and removed a large knife.

"Can't we just skip this part?" Marilyn asked, her voice choppy and low. "Can we just go?"

Negan placed his hands gently on her shoulders. "I have to go stop that monster and help Lydia."

She looked into his eyes and then nodded. "You're right." Marilyn took a breath, "Go."

He reached for her hand and placed the keys to the truck in her palm. "Put the key in the ignition... sit and wait, don't turn it on, it'll draw attention."

"Okay." Marilyn swallowed hard, not breaking eye contact with him.

"If anyone shows up to threaten you or ask questions, start the fucker up and drive."

"Where?"

"Away... anywhere."

"Give me a place that I could meet you in a worst case scenario." Marilyn saw he was about to shake his head but she pleaded with her eyes, "Negan please."

Negan took a breath through his nose, "The camp. Wait by the entrance sign."

"Thank you."

He kissed her hard one time. "Go to the truck." Negan glanced at Nina, "You too. Get up the wall and go."

Nina nodded adamantly and accepted a kiss from Simon before hurrying with Marilyn toward the back wall.

Negan looked over his shoulder at Marilyn at the same time she did toward him. He winked and gave a barely-there smile before heading away from Simon for part two of the plan.

"I'll look for Beta," Simon wanted to be sure.

"Yup." Negan took a deep breath and looked around for any signs of the people they were looking for. He didn't see Kevin and so he wandered toward the building with Simon at his heels. When Negan flung the door open Simon stopped and looked toward the main gates. He smacked Negan's arm to get his attention. "Beta's loading up a truck to go."

He whipped his head around, seeing her surrounded by some of Alpha's main puppets getting a truck together.

"Fuck it," Negan said, "Come with me. She just won the fuckin' lottery."

Simon trailed Negan inside the building and immediately they heard Carl's voice from the back room.

"Don't fucking touch her!" he shouted. "Don't!"

"Or what kid?" Kevin's heinous taunting made Negan's blood pressure raise and he knew the kill would be easy. The two of them slowly made their way down the hall and before Negan could reach for his knife he noticed a long, metal bar propped against the wall. He didn't know why bludgeoning worked the best for him but it was certainly his preferred method of assassination. That he acknowledged.

Negan reached for the pipe, pleased to feel the hefty weight of the object. It would be one or two blows at best if he wanted to make it quick. He didn't.

Lydia's shriek sped up the process and Negan hurried down the hall, making eye contact with Carl first who was tied up to a chair in the corner again. He didn't say anything and it was clear that he was unsure of what was about to go down.

"You seem like a strong dude," Kevin said to Carl, "Why you care about some _weak_ girl is beyond me." His back was to the door, as was Lydia's and the two of them stood unaware of what was about to happen. Carl didn't falter. He held his chin high and stood up to Kevin.

"You're going to die," he said with a calm anger that left Kevin laughing as he roughly reached for Lydia's arm, making her cry out again.

"The strong survive," would be Kevin's final words.

"You're fuckin' right about that shit," Negan said, making the man turn around in time for the pipe to crush every bone in the left side of his face with one swift blow.

Lydia screamed again and jumped back, letting her mouth hang open in awe for a moment. She jumped back another couple of feet when he slammed the bar against Kevin's chest next and then towered over him.

"Let Carl go Simon," Negan instructed, positioning his feet on either side of Kevin's torso as he began to cough up blood. For a moment he just stared down at him and then pressed the end of the pipe into his throat with just enough pressure to make his arms twitch. "Damn... I was hoping you'd be able to fuckin' talk a little bit so I could understand how you became such a fucking coward... picking on young girls and shit." He clenched his jaw and pressed harder into his throat, making him choke and claw to the best of his ability. "What's that Kevin?" Negan leant an ear down toward him.

"Th-thank you." Lydia stuttered and looked as Simon was undoing Carl's feet first. Her hands were shaking, eyes damp with tears.

Negan looked up a minute though didn't let up on the pressure on Kevin's throat. "You two need to go back to Alexandria... don't come back here. Just go."

"My... my mom-" Lydia began, but Negan cut her off.

"Alpha's dead." He looked down at Kevin and decided to lie in the moment to get her going, "Kevin here was trying to head up the ranks and thought he was stronger than her... killed her just before he came in here."

"What?" She shook her head in disbelief and Negan spoke again before she could ask questions.

"That's why you need to fucking go. Go with this kid," he pointed to Carl, "He knows how to survive."

Carl looked at Negan, anger still in his eyes but there was a hint of confusion, as well.

Negan stepped back away from Kevin and handed the steel bar to Lydia. "You should do the honors Lydia," he said quietly; sincerely. "You are not weak." Negan pointed to Kevin on the floor, "Does that look like a strong man to you?"

Lydia's whole body shook and tears left her eyes though she didn't make any noise aside from the occasional sniff in to clear her nose. She looked at Kevin's dying entity on the ground and then slowly let her fingers curl around the bar that Negan was extending in her direction.

"You're safe now," he explained, "No one is going to hurt you."

Lydia took the weapon from him and then he stepped back, watching as she slowly walked the several feet so she was now standing over his body. Blood continued to flow from his open mouth as he struggled to breath on the floorboards.

"Get your fuckin' redemption honey," Negan urged, "Show him how strong you are."

No sooner than the last word left his mouth Lydia screamed aloud and slammed the bar down connecting with Kevin's face. She didn't stop. She swung the bar again and again and again until she began to cry in an exhausted, overwhelmed fashion and let the bar drop to the ground next to his lifeless body. Without thinking she turned and collapsed into Negan's arms, who caught her before she could fall to the ground.

Lydia cried, weeping heavily and uncontrollably and Negan held her against him for a moment until Simon fully freed Carl and he swept in to take his place.

"Get away from her!" Carl shouted, prompting Negan to step back.

"Carl..." Lydia continued to cry and finally looked up at him as he cupped her face in his hands.

"It's okay," he told her.

"Go," Negan urged, "Go see your father."

Carl looked at Negan, still with conflicted eyes but his attention was swept up in Lydia's mourning. "Do you want to go?"

"Is she... is she really dead?" Lydia looked at Negan and he nodded and looked down.

"Yeah." He spoke the word barely louder than a whisper.

Carl had a hint of suspect in his eyes for what happened to Alpha but didn't question it.

Negan reached into the side of his pants and handed a knife over to Carl. "Climb up the wall in the back and get the fuck out of here."

"Thank you," Lydia reached a hand out to Negan and he simply nodded back. She let her eyes travel to Kevin's lifeless body on the ground, surrounded in a seat of blood, and then looked to Carl. "I'll go." She wiped away tears, "I'll go with you Carl."

Carl nodded to her and looked down at the knife in his hand before taking one last look at Negan. Neither of them spoke and the stare was enough to send a chill down both of their backs but Carl knew what his priorities were in that moment. He had to go; he had to save Lydia from the Whisperers. Without another thought he turned and ran, towing her by the hand leaving Negan and Simon in the back room with Kevin's unrecognizable body.

"Well..." Simon finally cut the silence. "I think it's about the time where one of us suggests that we get the fuck out of here."

Negan turned to him and gave a quick nod. "Let's get the fuck out of here."


	101. Silent Prayers

I had to redo the audio with a different background song to start because it wasn't showing up on youtube. Sorry for the mixup the first time I tried to post it! As always, thank you for reading... If anyone wouldn't mind checking out the redone "Here's Negan" version I just put up that would be really cool :) **youtube dot com /watch?v=jXl3J7ml6L4**

Nina sat behind Marilyn in the truck tapping her foot nervously as the two of them waited for Negan and Simon to join them.

"I almost can't take this," Marilyn confessed from the driver's seat. Tears ran down her face and she attempted to dry them and keep her voice steady. When Nina's hand landed gently on her shoulder she closed her eyes.

"I'm here for you Mar," Nina told her. She let out a deep sigh, "You know... I had two or three friends before the dead took over from, like, middle school that I was still so close with." Nina paused, "I have no idea what happened to them in all of this, but you're the only other person I feel that type of friendship with... you're my best friend."

"You're mine too." Marilyn looked over her shoulder, "I hadn't made any real close friends since I'd move out to this side of the country. It was only a few months and then everything went downhill fast."

Nina hesitated and gave a small, genuine, "Did you ever think you would contribute so much to bringing the world back?"

"What?" She shook her head, "How have I done anything-"

"You're going to have a baby," she reminded her optimistically, "I know you could rattle off all the dangers of that in your mind because you're the one carrying him... or her... but from my perspective it's amazing." Nina smiled wider, "You get to contribute to the next generation. I didn't even know if there would ever be one a year ago... or even a few weeks ago for that matter."

"A lot could go wrong," Marilyn said quietly.

"But a lot could go right."

Marilyn let a tear stream down her face. "I'm not even scared for me," she informed her, "I mean a little bit maybe but I don't want Negan to be alone. He always says that he's found some level of humanity again. He felt bad for what he had to do to Alpha."

"Yeah, he never felt bad about killing someone before," Nina pointed out with a laugh, but quickly let her expression grow more serious. "He won't be alone Marilyn. You're going to be fine. That's what this plan is all about."

Marilyn smiled at a fleeting thought that crossed her mind, "Hey, if I did die would you take my place... be with Negan?"

Nina saw her friend was kidding and laughed, "Isn't that against friend code?"

"Not if I'm dead."

"You're not going to die Marilyn." She tucked a stand of hair behind her ear, "Besides, I don't think I could juggle him and Simon."

The two of them shared a quick laugh before both of them turned toward the main road, through the trees. An SUV barreled down the street, the engine revving at it went prompting each of them to duck.

"Who's that?" Nina wondered aloud.

"I couldn't tell," Marilyn whispered instinctually despite knowing they couldn't be heard.

When the car kept going they caught their breath again and then sat in the silence, listening to their uneven breaths.

"Do you think they saw us?" Nina asked again.

"I hope not." Marilyn glanced up at the wall and prayed for what she felt was the thousandth time for Negan's safety; to see him leap over the wall and join them with Simon at his side. "Where are they?"

Nina turned her gaze to the wall, as well, and then whipped around when she heard something from behind the car. "Marilyn..." She ducked down and Marilyn whipped her head around to stare through the back window.

"Come on!" a boy's voice was barely recognizable in the distance and through the trees Marilyn could see the outline of a hat.

"I think..." She let out a deep exhale, "I think it's... it's Carl."

"That's Rick's son?"

"Yeah."

Both of them stared, watching him coaxing Lydia down from the top of the wall.

"That's a good sign," Nina said quietly, "Right?"

"I think so," she nodded, "I just hope they don't see us."

When Lydia landed successfully Carl removed his hat and tucked it into the back of his pants before reaching her hand and turning to bolt in the opposite direction.

 _Be careful kids_ , Marilyn thought to herself.

"My whole body feels tingly," Nina admitted, "God, where are they? I want to get out of here and forget all of this. I wish we could go back to the camp site."

"Me too. That's the Whisperers' territory. They'll find us there."

The next few minutes felt like hours, and Marilyn made pleads with God again and again hoping inside that she wouldn't appear selfish in His eyes for the random requests for assistance.

Nina let out an excited chuckle and her hand slammed down on Marilyn's shoulder this time. "Look! Look!" She pointed up with her opposite hand and saw Simon struggling to get his body up and over the top of the fence. "There they are."

Marilyn felt a rush of relief, but didn't fully feel her mind and body relax until Negan emerged next to him. He didn't hesitate, and leapt down with one jump rather than climbing as Simon was.

Nina pushed herself over to the far side to allow Simon the room to join her in the back and Marilyn did the same as Negan reached for the driver's side door handle and jumped behind the wheel.

"Hey baby." He smiled and winked before grabbing her face and leaving a solid kiss on her lips.

Marilyn smiled and touched his face, letting her hand linger there to make sure he was really there.

"Go!" Simon hurried into the car next and Negan turned the key in the ignition as the back door slammed shut.

He eased away from the wall, carefully making his way to the main road and headed in the opposite direction that the SUV had traveled.

"There was a car," Marilyn told him, "It went back that way. It passed us when we were waiting."

"Black SUV?" Negan asked.

"Yeah..."

"Beta." He shook his head.

"I thought-"

"She was leaving," Negan informed her, reaching for her hand while continuing to steer with the other. "We didn't have time."

Marilyn let out a deep breath and then laughed lightly with relief. "So... we're good? We're okay?"

"Carl and Lydia got out," he told her, "And we're heading to Rick with Alpha's fuckin' severed head."

"She's growling back there," Simon pointed out, letting out a howl of a laugh as she did.

"What happens when Rick sees she's dead?" Marilyn asked.

Negan kissed the back of her hand and eased around a bend in the road, keeping his eyes straight ahead rather than looking over at her. "He better fuckin' keep up his end of the deal."

"Which is what exactly?" Nina asked.

He glanced in the rearview mirror, wishing she hadn't asked. "Safety... for everyone."

"You and me..." Simon let out a breath after looking for confirmation.

"Yeah." Negan wasn't lying. If all went to plan he wasn't about to be harmed... just locked away. "Yeah, for us too Simon. You'll get a better deal than me."

Marilyn looked over at him. "How so?"

Negan finally glanced in her direction and found himself unable to dance around the question with a smile, a wink or something witty to throw her off and so he didn't respond. He glanced back at the road and squeezed her hand a little firmer.

Marilyn didn't ask again. She knew that it wouldn't be long until she got the answer she was looking for. When Negan kissed the back of her hand again she felt a chill run down her back and glanced out the window at the trees. Again she found herself silently praying that the life they built together wouldn't be shattered though knew there was only one way she would get the answer she desperately needed. Time.


	102. It's An Emotional Moment, I Get It

"We're not going to the Hilltop," Marilyn needed confirmation as all of the events from the time she rescued Negan came rushing back to her mind.

"No." He shook his head, never letting go of her hand. "We're almost to Alexandria."

The tension in the car rose with each second that passed, each turn in the road and each breath one of them took in place of conversation.

Negan cleared his throat and pointed with his index finger without releasing the wheel. "Here we fuckin' go."

"I wish we could go back to The Sanctuary," Marilyn told him.

"It's going to be okay." He turned to her as he slowed the car nearly to a halt and took in her features for an extra second before continuing on down the home stretch.

When Marilyn saw Rick standing by the gates waiting with a collection of others, all armed and stone-faced, she could've thrown up. Her stomach twisted in knots and she began to cry without warning.

Negan released her hand and slipped an arm around her shoulders as he continued to drive forward. He brought the side of her face to his lips and kissed her ear before speaking closely to her while still keeping his eyes on the road, "It's going to be alright baby," he assured her again.

Marilyn gripped his jacket with one hand, keeping him against her as tightly as possible as the truck cruised up so it was even with Rick and the others.

"Get out," Rick demanded. His voice was gruff; firm.

"No." Marilyn shook her head and looked at Negan, begging him with her eyes. She clawed at his open leather jacket as he reached for the door handle.

"Stay here," he told her quietly, looking her in the eye and touching her face.

Any positive thoughts Marilyn had going in had vanished; betrayed her. Her mind was left with a collection of worst-case scenarios and thought so morbid she felt the gnawing pain in her stomach rise to her chest. "Don't go Negan."

He turned to look at her another moment before Rick interrupted.

"Get out of the truck," he demanded again.

Negan reluctantly separated himself from Marilyn and popped open the driver's side door. Immediately Rick grabbed him and slammed him against the back of the truck.

"Stop!" Marilyn shouted.

Simon went to open his door but Daryl moved in and level his crossbow with the open window.

"Stay put," he ordered.

"Stay there Simon," Negan added.

"Your side of the deal," Rick hissed, "Where's your proof."

Negan held his hands above his head. He motioned with his head toward the bed of the truck. "Back there. Her head."

Rick and Daryl looked at one another and Daryl took the initiative, using the tire to hop up into the back of the truck to check it out.

"She's fuckin' feisty," Negan warned with a grin. "Look out."

Daryl proceeded to put the walker head to sleep with a swift jab with his knife and then held up the severed head.

Michonne stepped up beside Rick and eyed their former enemy. There was no mistaking that the head formerly belonged the woman in charge of terrorizing them; it belonged to Alpha.

"How'd you do it without getting caught?" Rick asked.

"Alpha had her sights on me," Negan reminded him, "You saw that shit. I got her alone and slit her fuckin' throat."

Daryl jumped out of the truck and stood next to Rick and Michonne. All three of them appeared to be studying Negan with their own quiet judgments.

"Where's Carl?" Rick finally asked him.

"I set him and the girl free... give him a fuckin' weapon and they took off."

"How do I know-"

"For fuck's sake Rick I'm here at your God damn mercy. How fuckin' stupid would I be if I hurt your kid or didn't live up to that fuckin' end of shit?" Negan hardened his eyes and stared back into Rick's.

"Bringing Carl was part of this deal."

"Freeing Carl was part of this fucking deal."

"When I see him I'll decide-"

Negan pointed a finger in his face and raised his voice. "There is no fucking decision to make Rick. You-"

Daryl connected the end of his crossbow with Negan's cheekbone, sending him down onto one knee with the blow.

Marilyn leaped out of the car, prompting Michonne to raise her katana.

"Stop!" She warned.

"Don't touch him!" Marilyn shouted.

Rick pointed to Simon next, demanding him to stay put as Morgan, Carol and Rosita rushed to the truck.

Michonne held her sword out in Marilyn's direction.

"Get back in the car Marilyn," Negan ordered quietly from the ground.

"We kept up our end," she begged, looking directly at Rick now. "Please... please don't hurt him."

Daryl pressed a foot into Negan's back keeping him secured, half hunched over by the truck. "Why'd you do it?" He looked at Marilyn.

"Do what?"

"Why'd you set him free?"

"Don't even say it's because you love him," Rosita joined in. She shook her head. "How could you love this piece of shit?"

"Rick," Negan drew the attention back on himself. Blood ran down the side of his face where Daryl had hit him. "What the fuck are we doing here?"

"We're waiting for Carl," he said simply.

Michonne never took her eyes off Marilyn, still extending the sword in her direction.

"Marilyn..." Negan looked at with a hint of desperation. "Please go back in the car."

"No she stays... right there." Rick made the call.

"Lower your sword," Negan asked of Michonne.

"You're in no position to make demands," Rosita said coldly.

"Neither are you sweetheart."

She rushed over a few steps and spit in his face. "Fuck you."

Negan closed his eyes and took it, smiling just after and then let it fade rather quickly. He looked back at Michonne. "She's not going to do anything. She doesn't have a weapon. I just don't want her to fuckin' get hurt."

"If she stays put she won't."

Nina leaned over Simon in the car and shouted. "She's pregnant!"

Rosita raised her eyebrows and exchanged a glance with Carol first and then Morgan. Daryl did the same, glancing around the shocked nature of each of their faces aside from Rick and Michonne, who also made eye contact briefly.

"What?" Rosita practically laughed the word and then shook her head again in disbelief.

"You know about this?" Daryl asked Rick, who nodded.

"It's the whole purpose of the fucking deal," Negan told them. "I kill Alpha in exchange for their safety, particularly Marilyn. Why the fuck else would I agree to this shit?"

"I'm surprised you even give a shit," Rosita remarked, staring down at him.

"We'd all be long fucking gone if I didn't," Negan informed her.

"So her safety in exchange for your freedom?" Carol asked.

"And the safety of the child." Morgan's eyes softened at the thought. He looked at Rick, Michonne and then Carol again.

"In exchange for what?" Marilyn asked. She looked around at all of them. "Who's freedom?"

"Mine," Negan finally spoke when no one else did. He attempted to rise to his feet but Daryl pushed him back down and pointed the bow more directly at him.

"Daryl please..." Marilyn looked at him though he showed no sympathy. She then returned her eyes to Negan. "What are you talking about?"

"He didn't tell you that part?" Rick suspected.

"I knew you wouldn't-" Negan began, not looking away from her but Marilyn cut him off.

"I don't agree to this," she said and then stared at Rick. "Alpha's dead. Kevin's dead. Let us be on our way."

"You aren't going anywhere," Daryl told her.

"Honey you'll be safe here," Negan informed her.

"Honey?" Rosita huffed another laugh enjoying the moment of power over him. "You sure are a smooth talker."

"This isn't what..." Marilyn shook her head, more tears in her eyes. "No."

"Are you really carrying a child?" Morgan asked her.

She glanced over at him and slowly nodded before ironically turning abruptly and throwing up by the front door of the truck.

"Marilyn..." Negan went to stand up but Daryl pushed him down again, this time prompting him to fight back.

Rosita rushed the rest of the way and kicked him in the face before landing a second hard blow in his side.

Daryl held the weapon to his face now as he rolled him onto his back and Rosita lingered over his shoulder.

"It's an emotional moment," she echoed his words from the night Abraham and Glenn were killed. "I get it. First one's free." Rosita lingered over him, "How does it feel to have your dick in the dirt for once?"

"I could've contributed to burying your group with the Whisperers," Negan reminded her. "And I didn't." He let out a breath. "I just want a safe place for my kid."

"Talk to Maggie about that," she snapped and then stepped back.

Rick regained control of the group. "We wait for Carl. If he turns up safe the deal stands."

"Good." Negan closed his eyes, tasting blood in his mouth from where Rosita kicked him.

Morgan approached Marilyn and squatted down beside her. "Are you alright?" He asked quietly.

She took a breath and pushed strands of hair behind her ears, staring down at the ground where she had just vomited. "No... no I'm not." 


	103. The Beginning

"Let me fuckin' talk to her a second," Negan looked at Rick from where Daryl still had him pinned to the ground. "I killed Alpha. I did what we agreed to."

Rick glanced over at Marilyn, who was still squatted beside Morgan.

"Take all our shit," he went on, "We don't have much but fuckin' take it."

"Rick..." Morgan raised his eyebrows at their community's leader.

"What?" Rick shook his head.

"This is an interesting deal," Carol pointed out, looking around the group of them.

Michonne relaxed a bit and looked to Rick for a moment. "Let her over here," she whispered.

He thought for a moment, scrunching his nose several times as he thought and then waved a hand to Morgan.

"Marilyn," Morgan said quietly, prompting her to stand up, already hearing the short conversation. She wiped her mouth with the back of her shaking hand and had to fight back more tears when she saw Negan's eye beginning to swell.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked him, her words coming out in a whimpered whisper as she began to cry. "This isn't what I would have chosen."

Negan tried to sit up but Daryl pushed him back down again and he didn't fight for the chance that they might not allow him to speak with her. "I need you to put this into perspective," Negan told her. His voice was soft and direct. "If we take our chances out on the road you could fucking die giving birth. You may not get enough food... enough nutrients. The baby could die." he swallowed hard and shook his head, "I wouldn't choose that for you."

"You should have told me so I could have decided."

"I'm sorry," Negan told her honestly. The rest of the people around them were virtually nonexistent as their conversation carried on. "But, I couldn't let you do that. I know the type of equipment they fuckin' have here with a doctor who knows what he's doing. You'll be fed. You'll have walls. You'll be with people who aren't going to abuse you. Honey, the baby could die out there.

Marilyn raised her eyes to Daryl, who glanced back at her without saying a word. When she looked back down to Negan she shook her head and dried her eyes. "What about you? Look at you." She squatted back down and put her hand over his swollen, bloody face.

Negan reached up and covered her hand with his. "I'll be fuckin' fine doll."

She repeated the phrase he used a moment before. "I wouldn't choose this for you."

"You didn't," he reminded her. "I can live with this knowing you're safe."

"Dad!" Carl's voice interrupted the moment that left everyone baffled and confused.

"Carl!" Rick ran over to his son and gave him a big hug before looking him up and down to make sure he wasn't hurt. "You're alright?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Alpha's dead."

"I know." With Lydia standing next to him he didn't dare show off her decapitated head. Rick looked over to her daughter. "I'm... I'm sorry."

"Thanks," she said meekly and nodded, leaning against Carl as he pulled her up against him.

"What's going on?" Carl asked, looking around. "Why is everyone out here?"

"Negan..." Rick used his thumb to rub across his brow line as he eyed the road beneath their feet.

"He's here?" Lydia asked, smiling partway and then letting it fade.

"Yeah..." He let his eyes shift from Lydia to Carl.

"I need to thank him."

"Thank him?" Rick asked.

"For killing Kevin," Lydia explained, "He was... Kevin was trying to..." she cleared her throat and got the word out, "...rape me. Negan saved me. He hit him... and then he hit him again and then I... well..." Lydia shook her head, unable to express that she'd taken a life, even if it was a monster like Kevin. "And then he cut Carl loose, gave us a couple of knives and... I just want to thank him."

Carl didn't know what to say exactly. He still hated Negan due to the intensity of their past but he couldn't deny that he had spared Lydia from experiencing another heinous act that he would have had to witness in the process.

"Where... where is he?" She took in the unspoken interaction between Rick and Carl and then led the way around the side of the truck where Marilyn and Negan were on the ground. Lydia put a hand on her mouth and shook her head. "No... he's not with the Whisperers," she claimed, not knowing even half of the full story, "He's good. He saved me. He saved Carl. Please."

Marilyn stood up and walked over to Rick. "Carl's here," she motioned with her arm and looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Rick..." Morgan urged from behind her when he didn't immediately speak.

Michonne stared at Rick a moment and he wasn't wholly sure what she was thinking. All of them aside from Rosita appeared to have mixed emotions and finally Rick told Daryl to ease up with his eyes.

"We're sure?" Daryl asked. He glanced at Carl and Lydia next.

"Yes," Lydia responded. "He's not with the group. He let us go."

"He's a bad man," Rosita informed her, shaking her head. "Whatever he did to help you-"

"He killed a man who was trying to rape me!" Lydia shouted, "For the tenth fucking time!" She shook her head, "He gave me my identity back. He helped me feel powerful for the first time in my life. He could've killed a hundred people unjustified before that and it wouldn't make any difference to me."

Negan swallowed hard and winked his good eye at her from the ground.

Lydia gave a barely-there smile and reached a hand down toward him as Daryl backed off another foot or two. Nobody moved as she helped him to his feet and then there was an even longer silence that hung within the group.

"Carl?" Michonne looked at him with eyes full of questions that she would surely ask later.

Carl looked back, puzzled by his own thoughts and emotions but simply shook his head and shrugged. "We need to talk... all of us."

Rick nodded at his son and then looked at Negan. "Follow us. I'll lead you to the holding cell."

"No, please..." Marilyn felt completely weak and vulnerable in that moment and Negan took her hand in his own, making eye contact with Rosita as he did.

Daryl and Michonne escorted Simon and Nina out of the car and the four of them were in the middle of the larger group of the Alexandria survivors.

Negan put his lips to Marilyn's ear as they walked toward the gates. "I love you. This isn't the end," he promised. "Trust me. This is just the fucking beginning."


	104. Safe & Sound

Rick slid open the cell door in the Alexandria holding cell and then turned to stare at Negan, who stood beside him. "Go ahead."

"It doesn't have to be this way," Marilyn intervened. "Rick, he-"

"This was the deal," Rick informed her, "This is what we agreed to." He switched his glance from Marilyn to Negan.

"They'll all be safe then," Negan needed confirmation. "I kept up my end. Are you going to keep up yours?"

Rick didn't immediately respond. He never spoke, but rather nodded slowly and motioned to the big, empty room again. When Negan took his first step into the cell Marilyn grabbed his arm and looked up at Rick again.

"Please." She looked him in the eye.

"You'll get the care you need," Rick assured her. "I can promise you that... but he stays here."

"I'm staying here too." Marilyn marched into the cell and sat down on the wooden bench that sat under a window.

Negan stared at her a moment and then felt Rick nudge him a step inside before slamming the cell door behind them.

"For now," Rick agreed. "I have to figure out what to do with the other two." He looked at Marilyn. "I'll be back soon."

"Don't hurt them," Marilyn shouted.

"I don't know what you were used to at the Sanctuary." He turned to her and smirked, "But we aren't animals here at Alexandria."

"You just slit people's throats right?"

Rick wanted to argue back and get into the depths of the conflict but he bit his tongue and turned around. "Enjoy your time," he said and then reminded them, "I'll be back shortly when I figure out your sleeping arrangement Marilyn... and when we decide which community would be best for you to stay at."

"I'm staying here."

Rick didn't respond this time. The click of his boots on the ground echoed off the walls until they faded out completely with the open and close of a door to the outside world.

Negan stood with his hands wrapped around the bars and he looked down at the gray floor beneath his feet. He let out a deep breath and then slowly turned around to face Marilyn.

She tucked her feet up toward her body and hugged her knees to her chest. A part of her wanted to look away from him but she couldn't bring herself to. "You knew I wouldn't have gone along with this Negan."

He slowly made his way across the empty space and sat beside her, immediately pulling her against him. Negan kissed her temple and strung an arm around her as she melted against him. "This isn't fucking ideal," he acknowledged, "I know that shit. But it won't always be like this."

"Rick and the others don't seem willing to change their minds about any of it."

"Not now."

"How long do you stay in here and me out there?" Marilyn looked up at him with eyelashes that were still damp from her last bout of crying. "I want to be with you. I don't care where that is. I want to be next to you Negan."

"I'm not going to be far... and I'll be safe. This cell is a hell of a lot better than the one you found me in."

"I found you." She breathed the words out, "I found you and I saved you." Marilyn shook her head, "And now you're right back here."

"It's what's best for you honey," Negan tried to explain, "It hurts right now-"

"What happened to our partnership?" She began to cry again, "This was a decision you made on your own. You didn't consult me at all." Marilyn wiped her eyes, "Jesus Negan, you're so used to being in control of the decision-making. You didn't even think to..."

"I did," he assured her, "I did think about you. I was thinking about the baby... Marilyn." Negan folded his hands in between his knees and sat forward. "It wasn't a selfish decision and it has nothing to do with being in control." He took a breath and felt a lump in his throat. Negan scrunched his nose and attempted to fight off the feeling that was leaving his face feeling hot.

Marilyn sobbed in a quiet, hard fashion when she saw tears fall in front of where he leaned forward. She leaned forward, resting her face on the back his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his lower back. "I know you're not selfish," she choked out. "You're the opposite."

Negan drew his knuckles across the area beneath his eyes and wiped away a collection of tears that he continued to try fighting. When he felt her hold him tighter he let it out, barely making a sound as he began to cry into his hands.

Marilyn's tears dampened the back of his jacket and she held onto him as his back bounced lightly up and down as he cried. "I love you," she told him. "I don't want to see you get hurt. I don't want you to spend your life in this cell Negan."

"I never wanted to hurt you," he told her, sniffing in hard and not removing his hands from his face, "I knew it would, but I didn't want that. All I really wanted was to make this world safe and sound for you. At the Sanctuary... out there... here. Whatever it takes that's what I've wanted for you."

She swallowed hard, still sending streaky tears down the side of his jacket. "That's all I want for you too."

Negan dried his eyes and took a deep breath before adjusting to face her. He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, not caring now what kind of emotion he was showing. With a deep breath went on. "I'll be safe in here," he spoke quietly, "You'll be safe out there. I believe Rick when he says he'll make sure Simon and Nina are okay, too."

"What if they move me to another community?" Marilyn asked him. She shook her hand. "I don't want that. I want to be within walking distance of you, at least. Not miles and a car ride away."

"We'll survive with whatever arrangements they deal us for right now," Negan assured her, "And once the baby comes and you're safe and she's born..." He motioned to her stomach, "Then we'll move on to phase two."

"Phase two?" Marilyn asked. She looked up into his green and hazel-infused eyes.

He looked right back and nodded, speaking quieter now. "We're going to be together... living together... raising our kid together."

"How?"

"I'm a master of my fuckin' domain," Negan reminded her, "And making deals, talking and sway people is part of that domain."

"But Rick didn't seem like-"

"I terrorized Rick," he said honestly, "And even after they slit my throat he asked his people to keep me alive. Dr. Carson saved me and I threw his brother into a fucking fire." Negan raised his eyebrows. "This is the same man that is going to deliver our baby and make sure you're healthy and safe."

Marilyn swallowed hard, acknowledging the truth behind everything he was saying. A flutter of hope entered her body for the first time since arriving at Alexandria. "You have another part of this plan?"

Negan nodded. "Yeah."

"One that involves you getting out of here?"

He nodded again. "You think I can spend an eternity without fucking you?"

Marilyn almost smiled but her emotions willed her melancholy expression to remain.

Negan touched her face gently and brought his lips to hers. He intended on making it last for a second or two but both of them did their part to make the kiss last.

Marilyn took in a deep breath through her nose, pulling back for a second but Negan urged her back toward him, gently massaging her tongue with his own and then let out a breath as he pulled back and touched his nose to hers.

"I'm safe," he reminded her. "You're safe. Our friends are safe. As much as this arrangement fuckin' sucks we're all okay. We're surviving. There will be a time when we can start living again. You just need to be strong for me over the course of the next nine months."

"Nine months." It felt like an eternity in her mind.

"Hey if I can step up my fuckin' game then maybe it'll be less than that." Negan smiled and tilted her chin up so they could look at one another again. "I promise you you'll get your happy fucking ending baby."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

Negan winked and never looked away, securing her gaze to his. "I never have."


	105. Here We Go

**Sorry for short hiatus! Been on a mini vacation :) Thanks as always for reading!**

* * *

Marilyn attempted to take Negan's advice and be strong but when Rick and Michonne forced her from the cell she couldn't keep it together.

"We'll be alright honey," Negan called to her as they went, attempting to follow his own advice as he watched her go. He hated it, and staring at her for the last moments as she left his sight crushed him even harder than he had anticipated. He leaned his head back against the wall and took a deep breath praying things would work out as he'd hoped. What made Negan the most anxious was that all of it was now out of his hands and into Rick's.

 _I hope I made the right fucking call_ , he thought.

If there was one thing that Negan wasn't used to it was not having control of his situation. Now that he had more to lose than ever, Rick was the one calling the shots for his pregnant wife - not him. While inside he knew it was the right thing to do - to get her in the hands of perhaps the only reliable doctor left - he allowed his mind to race, much to his adamant fight and dismay.

Negan closed his eyes and hoped in the long run all of the suffering in the present day would be worth it.

* * *

"Rick." Marilyn's voice cracked as they went and he stopped once they stepped outside of the building to face her directly. She took a deep breath, "Can you answer a question honestly for me?"

He squinted his eyes and paused a moment before responding. "Go ahead."

"Are you going to hurt him in there? Is he safe?"

Rick saw how big her eyes were as they studied his expression without interruption and barely a blink in between. He sighed heavily and glanced at Michonne a moment before shaking his head. "He kept up his end of the deal. He'll be safe. He'll get meals."

Marilyn looked down a moment and then back up. "Was the deal he made to be locked in there forever?" She drew a hand across her stomach and swallowed hard, now shifting her gaze between the two of them.

"It was to be locked up," Rick said, not elaborating. He waved her with him, "Come on."

"Where... where, uh..." Marilyn cleared her throat, her hands still shaking from the adrenaline, "Where are you taking me?"

"To the Hilltop."

"No, please..." She began to protest but Michonne jumped in.

"Part of the deal was you being evaluated by the doctor there," she explained, "That's what we're going to do."

Marilyn swallowed hard again and then nodded. "Of course. Okay." She looked at Michonne this time, "Where will I be staying?"

Michonne glanced at Rick, who in turn spoke in place of her. "Here."

"Here." She breathed the word. "As in Alexandria?"

"Yeah." He turned and waved her a second time, "Let's go. You're going to have to spend the night at the Hilltop for tonight."

"Where are Simon and Nina?"

"Getting settled." Rick didn't elaborate this time and led Marilyn to a car. She climbed into the back while he and Michonne respectfully jumped into the driver and passenger seats.

Marilyn looked out the window as all three doors slammed shut. Her eyes longed for the view of the building where Negan was being held and it was only when they exited the gates and the giant doors closed behind them that she finally looked away.

Nothing felt fair; or right. Marilyn's security in an insecure world was stripped away when Negan wasn't at her side.

I'm stronger than this, she tried to convince herself but she didn't feel it. All she could focus on was Negan's lack of freedom and the whirlwind of unknowns swirling around them.

On the ride from Alexandria to the Hilltop she attempted to focus on the positives, reminding herself that they were all still alive, that Rick hadn't bailed on his end of the deal no matter how much she disagreed with portions of Negan's plan, that she was going to be bringing a child into the world and that she would have a real doctor to take care of her and the baby.

Marilyn tried to estimate the time from one community to the other and attempted to memorize the route. She had assumed the two were practically neighbors but she could see there was significant travel time between them.

"You're going to be seeing Dr. Carson," Rick finally informed her as they rounded into familiar territory.

Marilyn felt her body tense when all of the events st the Hilltop came rushing back. She briefly relived that first moment of freedom when she and Negan emerged from the tunnels; the relief, the joy... it was the exact opposite now.

"Thanks," she finally replied meekly, her thoughts taking her down a sense of time travel to better days of the past.

Why did we Alpha's group have to find us? Marilyn almost spoke the fleeting thought aloud.

"This was his deal," Rick went on, glancing once in the rear view. "Negan did his part and now I'm doing mine."

"I know." Marilyn looked back out the window, not interested in any type of conversation despite the help they would be providing her throughout her pregnancy. "Negan sacrificed his freedom for my safety and the safety of the baby. He's not the black hearted man you think he is. He's a survivor..." Marilyn took a breath but continued to look out toward the woods. "Just like you."

Rick didn't say anything back, but felt Michonne's eyes on him as he cruised in front of the tall, wooden doors at the front of the Hilltop. Immediately they opened upon the guards seeing the two of them and Marilyn took in a deep breath.

She looked straight ahead now and the first person she recognized in the distance was Tara. There were others scattered about going about their routines but Tara stood out.

When the gates slowly pulled shut and Rick killed the engine, Marilyn reached for the handle of the door and popped it open.

Well, she thought, here we go...


	106. Roles to Play

Marilyn felt Tara's cold, purposeful stare as she began to cross the familiar grounds of the Hilltop. They truly had been on opposite sides, so the survivor in her felt she owed Tara nothing. The human being in her disagreed and she felt that tug of emotion the lingered from their fleeting friendship.

Tara's arms were folded, her eyes pinned to Marilyn as she approached with Rick and Michonne.

Marilyn didn't know what she would say, though when she said nothing at all it almost felt worse.

"Dr. Carson has a room in the main building," Rick informed her, breaking the tension just slightly.

"Oh she knows," Tara butted in, "She knows this place inside and out."

Marilyn took a deep breath, almost relieved that Tara shot a comment in her direction and glanced up at her as she passed by. "If you've ever loved someone you'd understand Tara."

"Love... that man isn't capable of love." She shook her head, "I've loved. Your people took that love away from me."

"I'm sorry Tara..." Marilyn shook her head, unable to argue and kept walking toward the main building. She knew in the future there would be time to talk and prayed that there was a possibility for genuine peace amongst their formerly opposing sides.

She took the stairs up and into the building and like before there was a rush of emotion triggered from the sights and smells of the Hilltop. Marilyn closed her eyes a moment as the flashbacks ensued.

The world had been still; the lights dim as she and Negan, clad in the hooded football sweatshirt, crept silently down the hall, leaving the door she had just entered with Rick and Michonne as they bolted to the box that covered the underground tunnels. It all repeated so vividly in her mind. Her memories jumped a few minutes to where Negan stood behind her in the tunnels with his arm around from behind. She could almost feel his breaths landing on her neck before they made the long haul to freedom.

"Marilyn..." Rick's voice interrupted her thoughts and her eyes snapped open. He waited by the stairwell with Michonne standing silently at his side.

"Yeah." She took a breath and followed the two of them up the stairs and down the hall to where Dr. Carson appeared to be waiting and ready for her arrival.

Marilyn's eyes scanned the small doctor's office. The first form of pleasure of any kind since they'd met up with Rick's group stemmed from the equipment that surrounded them. There was even an ultrasound photo pinned to a board on the wall and somewhere inside she almost smiled.

"Marilyn... Dr. Carson," Rick motioned with his hand.

"Hi Marilyn," he greeted.

She gave a barely-there smile and wrapped her arms around herself as she continued to take it all in.

"If you'd like you can have a seat here." Dr. Carson patted a long bench covered with a perfectly white sheet. "I'd like to start off pretty simple and take your blood pressure."

"I'm sure it's through the roof." Marilyn crossed the room and watched as Rick and Michonne went to exit. "Where, uh... when can I go back to Alexandria? Are you..."

"You'll get a ride back there eventually," Rick told her, "Dr. Carson will take good care of you."

She knew she was crossing a boundary but asked anywhere, "Where are you going?" Marilyn glanced down as the doctor raised the short sleeve on her shirt and began to strap the cuff around her arm.

"We're going to get ready for a fight."

"What? A fight-"

"The Whisperers," Michonne reminded her, "Their leader is down but the loyal followers will come." Without another word the two of them turned and exited the building.

"It's not something for you to worry about," Dr. Carson tried to sound reassuring. He tightened the cuff and then began to squeeze the pump as he listened in his stethoscope.

Marilyn remained perfectly still but practically could hear her heartbeat thudding in her eardrums as the cuff grew tighter, sending tingles down her arm. She breathed steadily in and out, not caring what the outcome might be because she was so on edge it was nearly impossible that her blood pressure would be anywhere near normal.

The pressure from her arm soon diminished and he removed the buds from his ears. "One-forty-five over ninety," he informed her, immediately following the high reading with, "I'd say it's probably white-coat syndrome." Dr. Carson gave a small smile as he attempted to make a light joke.

"Yeah... white-coat syndrome." Marilyn eyed the floor and shook her head.

"I'll take it again tomorrow morning when your stress levels are down." He paused a moment and waited until she looked back up to him, "I know that the past is a messy one at best. I lost a brother in this." Dr. Carson paused again, "But I'm a realist. We have to move forward. You have to be as healthy as possible for the child, and that means emotionally just as well as physically."

"What do you suggest?" She took a deep breath.

"I know it's easier said than done," he began, "But I'd like you to try to relax as much as you can... for your mental sake. Believe it or not emotional turmoil can do physical damage to a fetus. Do you how far along you are?" Dr. Carson crossed the room and reached for a small, plastic cup.

"Um..." Marilyn cleared her throat and tried to think. She swallowed hard and attempted to do some type of math in her head. "I, uh... I mean not far I don't think. I've been vomiting quite a bit and I missed my menstrual cycle."

"I'll be able to give you accurate information as we go along through ultrasounds and other tests. Usually the morning sickness happens around the four week mark, give or take." He kept his voice calm and with a smile he handed over the cup, "Just for formalities... if you don't mind."

Marilyn nodded back and reached for it.

"There's a bathroom just a step outside the door here."

"Thank you."

He nodded and helped her off the table.

Marilyn looked at him for a moment and nodded genuinely. "I mean it, Dr. Carson. Thank you." She couldn't deny his hospitality and friendly demeanor. He could have easily turned her away but he hadn't.

"This is what I do," he informed her with a nod.

Marilyn turned and exited the room, gaining a moment to herself when she stepped into the small bathroom. Upon all of the negatives that had flown so rapidly through her mind she finally could see the plan Negan had thought out so abruptly through his eyes. He had been right, and so completely unselfish in his choices. Marilyn wished that everyone could see Negan just for a moment through her eyes so they could truly grasp the totality of his character.

She took an extra moment in the bathroom, getting herself together and washing her hands before looking at herself in the mirror.

 _He said he had a part two_ , she reminded herself.

Marilyn knew Negan was a strong man - that he could survive in that cell for as long as he needed to. He was mentally strong and for that she knew she had to be. The cell he was in was was sanitary and light shined through the windows. Rick appeared to be a man of his word, and Negan had a good grasp on reading people. Marilyn reminded herself of multiple occasions where he praised Rick despite their differences.

 _If Negan can do this from a cell... I can do this from here._ Marilyn splashed water on her face and took a deep breath before whispering out loud to herself, "We all have our roles to play." She glanced down at her stomach for a moment and then reached for the cup to bring back to Dr. Carson.

When the bathroom door opened reality was back in full effect and Marilyn's contemplative thoughts drifted away for the time being.

"Thank you." Dr. Carson smiled as she re-entered the room, placed the cup on the counter and then looked back to her. "It may not seem like it now... but you've got your hand in the future here Marilyn. Do you have any idea how powerful that makes you?"

"Powerful?" she shook her head, "I haven't felt this power _less_ in my entire life."

"I can assure you that you are in good hands," he said to her honestly. "I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you deliver a healthy baby."

Marilyn cleared her throat and nodded. She took another deep breath. "Thank you," she said again. "I couldn't imagine doing this without..." Marilyn's eyes scanned the room filled with equipment that had far surpassed her expectations. "...without all of this."

"If it's alright with you I'd like to just perform a routine physical and we'll go from there."

She nodded again and climbed back up onto the table. Marilyn didn't realize how quickly she would get it. She didn't know how she hadn't in the first place. Negan always had a plan and he took whatever measures needed to be taken to assure that the two of them were safe.

 _Nine months_ , Marilyn felt a sense of rejuvenation and trusted both her instincts and Negan's. A wave of positivity passed through her again. _Things are going to be okay._


	107. Advice

"They're going to come," one member of Alexandria said to Rick, while other piggybacked on the anxiety-ridden notion.

"We've been through too much already."

"We can't stop a herd of walkers. We don't have the ammo."

"They'll seek vengeance."

"We can't survive another war."

"Maybe this is going to be the end..."

Rick felt the hooks he had in his community slowly slipping and internally began to question his leadership skills.

"They trust you, Rick," Michonne assured him but Rick felt the world on his shoulders more and more with the Whisperers still waiting in the wings.

"Alpha's death should bring them comfort," Rick drew a hand across his brow line as the two of them crossed through the gates of the Alexandria Safe Zone. "They're more on edge than ever."

"We'll have no problem with the Whisperers. Alpha was their security; their leader. She's gone."

"We have to get these people back on board..." He stopped walking a moment and put his hands on his hips as he stared around the vacant streets. Rick sighed. "I just have to figure out how."

"With a victory over the Whisperers."

"Before we defend this place against them we need confidence from our people... and from the Hilltop members, the Kingdom..." He paused. "The Saviors have the least faith in me..." Rick changed his wording and looked her in the eye, "In us."

"What do you think we should do?"

Rick hesitated and looked around again feeling the eyes on him from the occasional passerbyer. He didn't immediately respond.

Michonne sensed there were thoughts dancing around his head. "What is if?"

He scrunched his nose as he toyed with ideas in his mind that even he disapproved of. Still, he sucked up his pride and looked back to Michonne. "I'll meet you back at the house."

"Where are you going?"

"To talk to Negan."

* * *

Negan sat with his head against the wall wondering where Marilyn was at that moment. He hoped she was safe and wasn't the victim to ridicule by the members of the communities.

When the door to the housing station where he sat clanked open and closed Negan waited to see who it was that was visiting him. As Rick rounded the corner Negan simply sat staring at him as he moved from the darkness in to where the light from the window provided just the smallest highlight on his face.

For a moment neither man spoke and Negan didn't have his typical wit about him to start the conversation in a jesting fashion. He just sat and waited for whatever it was that Rick was about to say.

"Marilyn is safe," he finally spoke. "She's with Dr. Carson right now."

"Good," Negan answered simply and quickly despite the relief he felt inside.

"I need to ask you something."

"I have all the time in the world."

"The communities aren't at ease even after Alpha is gone."

"I hope this isn't some roundabout way you're going to fuckin' downplay my end of this fucking deal."

"No," Rick assured him. "No I just..."

Negan leaned forward, folding his hands together as he leaned his forearms on his knees.

Rick looked down and back up at him between the bars. "These people don't feel secure."

"Why not?"

"They believe the Whisperers are going to come."

"They're probably fuckin' right... but they'll be like a snake body wiggling on the ground without the fuckin' head on." Negan narrowed his eyes. "You're not really scared of those fucking freaks are you? With all you motherfuckers have here together-"

"I know where we stand," Rick cut him off, "But my people... the people of the Sanctuary..."

Negan tipped his mouth up in a half-smirk, "With their fearless leader Dwight."

"They don't trust what I'm telling them."

Negan leaned back against the wall again and looked Rick in the eye though maintained a passive posture. He waited, assuming Rick would continue but when he didn't Negan finally asked. "What the fuck are you telling me all this for?"

"You controlled them... your people."

Negan didn't respond but rather gave a barely-there shrug. Again, Rick didn't continue and this time he rose to his feet and slowly paced the length of the cell until he and Rick were only a foot or so apart, separated only by the thick, metal bars between them.

Finally, Negan managed a genuine smile as he read Rick's posture, his downward facing eyes, his demeanor. He lowered his voice. "You, uh..." Negan smiled wider, "You want my advice don't you?"

Rick glanced up and looked him in the eye again, partially hating himself for admitting it but he responded honestly, leaving his pride to the side. "Yes."

Negan's eyes danced from side to side, re-reading Rick's expression. "She's safe?"

"She's getting a physical as we speak."

"You going to let me out of here?"

Rick squinted and then shook his head. "You're the most useful in a cage."

Negan decided to play the subordinate role. "What's your fuckin' question? Like I said, and you just confirmed, I have all fuckin' day."

"They're-"

"Turning on you, that's right."

"They're angry... scared," Rick admitted. "They want me to take action against the Whisperers."

"They don't want you to take action Rick," Negan said matter-of-factly, "They want security. They want to be told that everything is going to be alright."

"Easier said than done."

"You need to make them think that shit... no, you need to make them know that shit." Negan let out a breath through his nose. "Manipulate the informtion. You tell them the truth, stretch it until it makes fuckin' sense and lays a security blanket on top of everyone and do what you want to fuckin' do behind the scenes. You know what's fuckin' right and you make up plans that work. You're a natural born fuckin' leader so I'm willing to bet whatever it is you have up that sleeve of yours is probably a well put together plan." Negan smiled with a pause and kept his voice low. "Make them believe in you. Remind them that Alpha is gone, Beta isn't shit but a damn little pawn in Alpha's game and can't possibly fuckin' run that ship the way she did... or she would have been Alpha. Tell them you're more secure on your own turf and that the herd won't get past those motherfuckin' walls because that's what they were built for anyway, right? To keep out those undead pricks?"

Negan took another breath and crosses back to sit down on the bench. "That's what you fuckin' tell them Rick. Make them become satisfied because you said so." His voice was barely above a whisper.

Rick took in Negan's posture now. His words were still passionate and full of life despite the physically defeated man that sat before him. He could see he wa being honest.

"I can work with that," Rick confirmed with a nod.

Negan's eyes rose to meet Rick's and a short, passive staredown ensued before Rick turned to go. He felt a little wave of shock that Rick actually was seeking and listening to his advice.

"Rick," Negan said quietly, prompting him to stop and turn around partway. "You seeking my advice deserves a small reward, no?"

"You're not getting out of this cell."

"I want Marilyn here... at Alexandria." Before Rick could respond he continued on. "And I want to be able to see her... even if just through the bars."

Rick turned his head back around away from Negan and didn't immediately walk away. "I'll talk it over with Michonne." He headed away into the darkness and Negan let a slow smile spread across his face.

He spoke quietly to himself. "Atta boy Rick."


	108. Partner in Crime

When Marilyn heard Rick's voice over the walkie talkie decked in the doctor's office asking for her to be escorted back to Alexandria she couldn't help but smile. The day had gone from completely awful to slightly less awful in the last few hours behind enemy lines.

As the gates to the Alexandria Safe Zone slowly opened Marilyn felt an internal warmth in knowing that Negan wasn't far. She allowed Morgan to walk her to a house at the far end of a main road. They didn't speak though Marilyn sensed he had things running through his mind based on his shifty stares and uneasy posture as they went.

"The place you'll be staying is this one here," he finally said, motioning with his hand to a quaint two-story home with tan siding and black shutters. Despite the horrific conditions of the world the home, along with many of the others, appeared to be in better-than-average shape.

"Thank you," Marilyn said to him with a genuine nod as they continued the march toward the front porch. "Um... I also want to thank you for comforting me when I was getting sick... during our first meeting today out by the gates." She nodded to herself and sighed the word, "Yeah..."

"You're welcome," Morgan said simply but truly. "You need to take care of yourself. No one will bother you here."

"We're on opposite sides... so I get it if-"

"We're on the same side of the wall now Marilyn," he hesitated a moment when speaking her name, "You need to make sure you get your vitamins... enough water... a sense of mental relaxation."

She swallowed hard feeling true compassion and empathy for the first time. For a moment she stared at him and then she replied with the only words that she could honestly say to him again. "Thank you."

Morgan nodded and allowed her up the set of stairs first. "There are clothes in the drawers. You might have to share them with-"

"Marilyn!" Nina's voice could have knocked her over with excitement and she immediately ran and hugged her friend hard.

Marilyn closed her eyes, relieved to see that Nina was also in the home that Morgan had brought her to. She relished in the moment of comfort and then finally parted from Nina to look at Morgan. "Did you arrange this?"

He kept his expression even, never smiling nor looking away. "We discuss everything here... as a group. I pushed the issue but the others certainly had to agree for it to happen."

"Morgan, I..." Marilyn shook her head and then her thoughts were redirected. "Is Negan really going to remain unharmed in that cell? Will he be fed enough? Will I get to see him?'

"I built that cell," Morgan informed her, "It's ventilated... warm." He paused, "I was in a cell at one time in my life just like it and it wasn't until the man who built that one knew he could trust me not to try to harm him that he showed me the way out."

She stared at him for a longer moment. "You were... was it here?"

"No." Morgan shook his head and went to turn.

"Was it before all of this? Before the undead-"

"It was after," he cut her off, "I was a dangerous man." Morgan spun his head partway. "There may be hope for him yet but as I've stated the decisions made here we all must agree upon." Without another word he saw himself out, seeming to want the distance from them at that moment.

"I can't believe you're here," Nina said again, hugging her, "What did they do? Are you alright?"

Marilyn nodded. "Yeah..." She swallowed hard and sighed loudly before glancing around at the collection of furniture. Finding a spot at the end of a comfortable, brown sofa she put a hand on her head as she sat. "I'm so glad they let us be together Nina. You have no idea."

"Where have you been all day?"

"With Dr. Carson." She tucked her legs up toward her chest and closed her eyes.

Nina joined her on the couch, mirroring her position. "Is everything okay? Physically?"

Marilyn nodded. "I'm pregnant Nina. It's really going to happen." She reopened her eyes and looked at her a moment, "They have really good equipment."

"Did you take a test?"

She nodded. "God..." Marilyn let out a fleeting laugh but didn't smile, "Do you know how long it had been since I'd had sex before I met him? I don't even know. Now I'm..."

"But you're here," Nina reminded her, "With a doctor and... equipment. You're safe."

"Negan's in a cell Nina." She shook her head and almost cried again but she took a deep breath to compose herself. "Oh my God, I've been so wrapped up. Simon... where is he?"

"They forced him into a car. He was being taken to... Ezekiel." Nina sighed now. "Morgan assured me he would be fine."

"I'm sorry." Marilyn shook her head.

"They're supposedly putting him to work in the garden. No weapons." She swallowed hard. "Morgan told me it wouldn't have to be permanent but... damned if I know if he's lying or not." Nina stared outward a moment and Marilyn reached over and put a hand on her knee.

"I'm really sorry Nina."

She shook her head and spoke in a tired voice. "Why can't we all just get along?"

"I feel responsible."

Nina made a face and fully focused on her. "What are you talking about?"

"If this hadn't have happened Negan wouldn't have had to make the deal that he did with Rick."

She shook her head. "We were found by the Whisperers at the cabin," Nina reminded her, "Pregnant or not we were stuck there... with rapists and..." She made a face, "Nothing is your fault Marilyn. We would have had to get out of there sooner than later anyway. We would have been back on the road."

"It's better than this." Marilyn shook her head. "You and Simon are separated. Negan is in a cell." Tears welded at the bottoms of her eyes and she closed her eyes once to make them fall.

"Don't ever take responsibility for what's happening right now," Nina demanded of her. "This world is shit. There are never any promises." She held her hand, "Is Negan okay?"

She shrugged. "He adapts to whatever he's dealt with but I hate knowing he's in a cell. There's no bed. They probably aren't lining up to offer him something to eat or drink." Marilyn hated herself for feeling so weak as she barely got the last sentence out, "He's probably hungry." She shook her head and looked the opposite way of Nina as she began to cry.

Nina moved closer and threw her arms around her friend. "He's a motherfucking warrior Mar," she spoke quietly and brushed her hair back away from her face. "If anyone is going to be fine it's Negan."

"He doesn't deserve this. They think he does. They hate him Nina."

"It seems like Morgan can relate on some level," Nina reminded her. "Maybe he was in Negan's shoes at one time. He was in a cell too and now he's not."

Marilyn let out a deep breath and tried to dry her eyes. "I don't want this for him. It's not right. I wish he gave me a choice..."

"He made the best choice for you," she told her, "And the little one to-be." Nina looked around the home, "This is what Negan did for you and he wouldn't have it any other way. Even if he had told you... he wouldn't have let you risk being a part of the Whisperers camp, or out on the road. You're going to thrive here with the baby and you'll have a safe place to deliver. I know it probably feels like the day will never come but I know you'll see it from his point of view when it does."

Marilyn turned and looked to Nina. A slow smile spread across her face as she tried to fight off the last of her tears. "You should have been a therapist, you know that?"

Nina managed and little laugh and kissed her temple. "I feel like there's more up his sleeve than just this."

She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I think you're right."

"For now... you'll have to deal with me as a roommate." Nina raised her eyebrows. "And I may not look like much but I'm a mean cook... and I'm not quite as big, nor do I have the chest hair that Negan has to keep you warm at night but I have been told I'm a decent cuddler if need be."

Marilyn managed a genuine laugh and finally let the sobs completely diminish. She took a deep breath. "Thank you Nina... for talking me off the ledge."

"We've got to stay strong for our men out there."

"Yeah."

Nina crossed the room and found a lone napkin on a small end table. She handed it over. "Partner in crime?"

Marilyn smiled again and took the napkin to dry her eyes. She then looked up at Nina. "Partner in crime."


	109. Visitation

Marilyn found her will power slipping after several weeks of not seeing Negan. She hopped off the small table in Dr. Carson's office and looked at him.

"Do you think... do you think you have any pull?" She asked him.

"With regards to what?" He pressed his eyebrows together as she neared the door, prepared to make the trip back to Alexandria.

"Me... getting to see him."

Dr. Carson eyed the tile floor and then looked back up. "I can see if Rick or Maggie or one of the others will... take on a request but..." he shook his head.

"I understand," Marilyn said solemnly. "Thanks." She turned to go, exiting the office into a hallway and came face to face with Maggie.

"How are you feeling?" She asked genuinely.

Marilyn cleared her throat. "I'm... okay." She nodded.

"Your checkups are going well?"

"Yeah." She looked down at Maggie's stomach. "When are you due?"

"Any day now."

"Are you having a boy or a girl?"

"Boy." Maggie smiled wide.

"You look great." Marilyn nodded with a smile. "And congratulations."

"Thanks."

The two of them stood there a moment, neither quite knowing what to say before Maggie went on.

"Do you have a ride back?"

Marilyn nodded. "Rick."

Maggie gave a barely there smile and nodded. "Dr. Carson will take good care of you."

"Thank you Maggie. He has so far." She managed a small smile back and then headed slowly for the stairs.

When she got down to the main gates Rick waited, speaking quietly with Jesus who bailed as she grew closer.

"Yeah..." Rick spoke into the receiver of a handheld radio now and listened intently.

Marilyn approached him but didn't interrupt what he was listening to. She wasn't sure but the voice on the other end sounded like Maggie's from the slight southern drawl in her voice.

"Let her see him Rick."

"What's that?" His eyes squinted as he spoke again before releasing the button with his fingers.

"Let Marilyn in to see Negan. She shouldn't have to pay for his crimes." Maggie paused. "He's the child's father."

Rick hesitated a moment, staring down at the radio in his hand before making eye contact with Marilyn. She realized Maggie must have heard her request or Dr. Carson spoke with her between the time she left the building and made her way to Rick. Either way she grateful for the attempt.

"I, uh..." he hesitated and when he didn't know quite how to finish the sentence he released the button. Within seconds Maggie's voice returned.

"I hate him for what he did... but I wouldn't wish being alone during a pregnancy on my worst enemy." She paused. "Let Marilyn see him."

* * *

Marilyn's heart fluttered a bit and she couldn't have gotten in enough 'thank you's' on the ride to Alexandria.

She smiled, genuinely smiled, for the first time in what felt like forever. When the gates opened and the car stopped she wanted to run to the building that housed the cell where Negan had been staying, but she kept pace with Rick and felt her entire body nearly go numb when they entered.

Marilyn began to cry silently before she saw him, though when Rick led her into the holding area she lost it and began to laugh and cry at once.

Negan sprung to his feet, drawn out of a lethargic state when he saw her face.

Rick opened the gate, not even feeling the need to raise his weapon as Marilyn ran past him into the cell. She hugged Negan so forcefully that she nearly knocked them both to the ground and barely heard the door slam behind her as Rick locked it again.

Frankly she didn't care if he never came back. She would have stayed there all day, for days, months and years with him.

Negan hugged her hard back and then both of them brought their lips hard to one another's until Marilyn's sobs forced her to break it off.

He held her against him, allowing her to get out all of the emotion she was feeling and began to whisper in her ear. "It's okay doll... shh... it's okay."

Marilyn couldn't control herself. She tried to reply but she couldn't. Seeing him, holding him, feeling him against her made her feel strong and weak all at once.

When she finally pulled back she felt like her eyes were nearly welded shut with tears. She dried them and tried to keep her lips from trembling as she spoke. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Negan bit down on his tongue in an attempt to keep his emotions in check. "Honey don't fuckin' cry," he whispered. "You're going to make me do that shit too." He ran a hand along her cheek and tucked her hair back behind her ear on one side.

Marilyn swallowed hard and tried to keep her mind clear, so as not to waste a moment with him. "You're not hurt?" She took his face in both hands and tried to examine him to the best of her ability.

"No... I'm really okay honey." He brought her hand to his lips and then closed her eyes from the soothing nature of her touch.

"How often do they feed you?"

"I get two sandwiches and some fruit every day... and water."

"Every day?"

Negan nodded and tried to dry the tear-streaks on her face.

Marilyn sniffed in. "What kind of sandwiches?"

"Peanut butter." Negan smirked, leaving his hands on her face. "It's no bowl of spaghetti but it ain't all that fuckin' bad." He stares into her eyes, seeing them fill up again and then brought his lips to hers. "Are you okay? Are they taking care of you?"

"Dr. Carson has been great."

"Have they treated you okay?"

"I'm living at Alexandria in the same house as Nina."

Negan flashed a relieved smile and hugged her to him again. "Good."

"I'm between six and eight weeks pregnant," she told him, "Probably closer to right now."

He pulled back to look her in the eyes. "Two months..."

"Roughly." She nodded with a sigh. "Dr. Carson gave the estimate for me."

Negan swallowed hard and looked down. "Wow." He laughed to himself and then looked back up to her. "He's a good doctor?"

Marilyn nodded, crying when tears dropped from Negan's eyes. "He's great."

He stared back up at her, smiling and continuing to tear up at the same time. "Now does my plan make fuckin' sense?" He choked out.

Marilyn sniffled in and nodded. "I still hate this part." She glanced around the empty cell.

"It's a hotel suite compared to the Hilltop basement." He smiled. "And shit... I'm allowed fuckin' visitors." Negan winked and Marilyn smiled before bringing her lips back to his.

Negan felt the emotion in her kiss and tried to make the most of the rare moment he had with her. "I love you," he breathed the words into her mouth in a break in their embrace, not giving her even a chance to say it back before he kissed her back harder.

Marilyn moaned into his mouth and pinned herself against him as tightly as possible. He finally pulled back, giving her the opportunity to repeat the phrase back to him. "I love you too. More than you know Negan."

"I know doll." Negan spoke against her lips, letting his nose touch hers and kissed her more sensually several times in a row. "I fucking need this." His hands wandered the length of her upper body before he settled them on her hips and pulled her down so she was seated on top of him on the bench.

Marilyn kissed him again more urgently, wrapping her arms around the back of his neck as he pulled down at the front of her shirt.

Negan traced his lips down her neck, kissing along her collar bone and then he recaptured her lips with his own.

Both of them were running on emotion and adrenaline, high off the presence alone of one another.

"When is Rick coming back?" Negan whispered into her ear as his hands worked their way up her shirt.

Marilyn almost didn't care, but she pulls back for a moment breathing heavy. "He didn't say."

Negan breathed just as unevenly and didn't look away from her eyes. "Fuck it?" He asked in a voice just above a whisper.

She felt the shake in her hands that she had locked around the back of his neck and had no idea when she would get to see him or touch him again. "Fuck it," Marilyn confirmed, kissing him forcefully again.

Negan moaned into her mouth this time and choked out the words again. "I love you Marilyn. I fucking love you."


	110. Patience

**Sorry for delay again! My husband and I took off for another mini vacation :)**

Marilyn felt revived after visiting Negan. Having the ability to see him, to touch time, to talk to him... it was exactly what she needed to make it through the next week. Despite the shunning nature of a majority of their neighbors, Marilyn finally felt neutral. She and Nina took turns cooking; they discussed baby names for boys and girls and the highlight for her friend was when she was reunited with Simon when he was carted to Alexandria to help out with a task that needed an extra set of hands. Marilyn had initially viewed Simon's return as a good omen until a buzz of quiet whispers took over the community on that same day. The vibe changed so abruptly that it was almost hard to keep up.

"What is going on?" Marilyn asked Nina as she crossed through their little front yard up to where she sat on the front porch after working in the garden area for most of the day.

Nina looked around but didn't sit in the open seat next to her friend. She took a deep breath. "Simon isn't here just for some heavy lifting," she explained.

"What does that mean?"

"There was an attack at the Kingdom... a short, quick one that left one person dead."

"What?" She rose to her feet ad raised her eyebrows.

"It's them Marilyn. Simon told me."

"Alpha's group?"

"Beta's group now." Nina shook her head again, "Simon's fighting with the people of Alexandria. They're going to counter attack."

"Shit." Marilyn looked around the streets that looked more like a ghost town than the close-knit community they were thrown into.

"He thinks it won't be a problem," she went on, "But they do have control of a large herd of walkers."

"If Negan's in that cell he's like a sitting duck if they happen to get in here and find him."

Nina raised her eyebrows and looked at her more directly but didn't say anything.

Marilyn waited for a moment and then finally asked. "What?"

"I don't know if this is going to come across as good news or bad..."

"What Nina?" She asked the question again before she could even finish the thought.

"Simon overheard Morgan and Rick talking about releasing Negan to help them fight too."

Marilyn processed the information for a moment and then took a breath. "They... they wouldn't set him and Simon up to be killed would they?"

"Simon sounded optimistic," Nina informed her, "The two guys he got carted over here with seemed to be on good terms with him. He even had on that weird street hockey gear or whatever the hell it is that they wear."

For a moment Marilyn didn't say anything again. She tried to take it all in and felt Nina was right when she started off with the phrase, 'I don't know if this is good news or bad news'. "When, uh... when are they going back out there?"

"He didn't know for sure but soon." Nina glanced over her shoulder toward the empty street, "Him and the others are meeting with Rick at sundown."

"Does he get to stay here?"

She shrugged, "He didn't know specifics... but I doubt it." Nina crossed her fingers, "Never know though."

"That would be great." Marilyn smiled and tried to touch on the positive aspect, "How was it to see him?"

Nina tipped her mouth up in a half smile. "Like home."

Marilyn smiled wider and hugged her, prompting Nina to begin to cry. She raised her eyebrows, never having seen her friend emotional even in the toughest of times and so it took her off-guard.

"Oh my God," Nina tried to laugh through the impromptu sobs, "I never do this shit."

Marilyn chuckled but hugged her tighter, "It's okay to cry."

"I can't believe I missed him that much." She continued to laugh and cry at the same time and then finally pulled back to dry her eyes. "I swear it's that goofy smile of his." Nina sighed and shook her head, seeming to stop the tears as she did. "Okay..." She sighed again, "Okay, I'm good."

"I wish I could stop crying on a dime like that." Marilyn laughed to herself. "I'm so glad he's here Nina. I'm glad you got to see him and I really hope they allow him to stay here at the house."

"I'm not counting on the last part," she admitted, "But I'm okay with it." Nina rested her hand on the railing of the porch, "Maybe if they get rid of the Whisperers for good and Simon and Negan help out they'll let us all be as we were... free; together."

Marilyn nodded. "That would be... amazing."

"Yeah." Nina took in another deep breath.

"You okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I don't cry."

Marilyn smiled. "I know."

Nina laughed lightly and watched as the sun grew lower in the sky as day gave way to early evening. "I can't wait to hear the rest of the details to all of this."

"Thank God they didn't attack us here."

"Yeah." She raised her eyebrows. "Really." Nina nodded toward her stomach, "You can't be in the middle of a war Mar. We have to talk to Rick about that."

"Morgan is the one to talk to. He gets it. He's compassionate."

"He is." Nina nodded. "I think he has a past."

"He does," Marilyn confirmed, prompting her friend to look her in the eye. "Maggie too. She's the one who told Rick to let me in to see Negan."

"Didn't, uh... didn't Negan..." Nina danced around the words, "He killed..."

She nodded, knowing what she was getting at. "Yeah."

"I didn't mean that in a negative way... it's just being on opposite sides like that and everything that happened..."

"I know." Marilyn swallowed hard, "God, it's just hard to tell right and wrong when everyone's killing everyone."

"It's survival," Nina confirmed, "Like the old days... the Civil War... That's pretty much what this is... a war for land; for food."

"Great place to raise a baby..." She shook her head.

Nina put her hands on her hips and looked at Marilyn. "Is the human race just supposed to die off?" She toned down her voice, "You're going to have completely different feelings once you start to feel him or her moving... and then again when you see the baby's face for the first time."

Marilyn felt a wave of guilt pass through her. "I don't mean to be so negative. I'm happy... on some levels. I just still feel responsible that's all."

Nina put her finger to her lips and then let a slow smile spread across her face. "I can't wait to hear your kid call me Auntie Nina for the first time."

"I like the sound of that." Marilyn smiled back and laughed.

"You will be toting around the heir to Negan's empire."

"Fallen empire."

Nina squinted her eyes. "Give it time girl. That man will be back on top one day and he's going to bring all of us with him."

Marilyn hesitated a moment and then smiled. "If I could drink I would toast to that."

"Well... it we were allowed to have our share of the wine that's floating around I'd drink your drink and mine." She sighed and then glanced at the door. "Come on..." Nina tugged on her sleeve, "It's my turn to cook. Let's resume this conversation over some pasta."

Marilyn nodded and followed her friend indoors. She thought of Negan being released for a moment and then tried not to consume herself with all of the new possibilities.

 _Patience_ , she thought, _it's going to take patience._


	111. Negan

Negan whistled to himself, staring across the way at the same gray brick wall the he awoke to every morning. He crossed one foot over the other and ran a hand through his beard, always wondering when the next time would be that someone would arrive to the cell with something for him - a meal, means to wash up, a conversation, a laundry list of insults. He didn't care. More than anything else Negan missed the constant interaction with people, so regardless of who it was that walked through the door he tried to keep them engaged in some type of a conversation to pass the time and keep himself sane.

He sighed and reached for a small, jagged pebble next to where he sat and turned to etch his name into the brick the way a school kid would on a desk. It was something to do. His options were minimal.

 _Clank-clank._

The door to the outside opened but Negan didn't stop what he was doing as he attempted a perfectly straight "N" on the wall as a lighter gray color filled in the lettering with each stroke of the small rock. Had he assumed Marilyn wouldn't be accompanying him again he would have stopped, though from the corner of his eye he could only see one masculine figure, and for that he kept on with what he was doing.

"Negan." Rick's hoarse voice filled the empty room.

"Rick." He didn't turn to him, subconsciously biting down on his tongue as he concentrated on the low-level graffiti. Negan brushed away small bits of dusty rock created by the friction with the back of his hand and then finally let the pebble fall from between his fingers to the bench where he sat. Slowly, he turned his head to meet Rick's stare on the opposite side of the bars and grinned. "Don't tell me you're here to give me a fuckin' bath."

"The Whisperers are-"

"Coming to attack." Negan nodded and turned back to the "N" he had drawn on the wall, tracing it for a moment with his index finger. He blew some remaining dust away and then turned back. "Yeah I could've guessed that."

"They attacked the Kingdom."

"I'm sure they did." He raised his eye-brows and spoke matter-of-factly, "Did you round up your troops yet or are you going to let them attack all of your communities one at a time?"

"That's kind of why I'm here."

"I sensed there was more to it than just a little fuckin' pep talk." Negan leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees. He tucked his hands neatly beneath his chin and continued to smile like he was about to read a bed time story.

Rick drew a hand across his eyebrows and gripped one of the iron bars, looking it up and down and then gave it a tug before resuming what he had come for. "You're going to fight with us."

Negan smiled wider and purposely over-pronounced a look of shock on his face. "I am?"

"Yeah." Rick nodded and took one more step toward the bars, wrapping both hands around them now. "Yeah you are."

"Shit... fuck... both sides might be gunning for me here." He let his eyebrows rise and fall again before standing to pace the length of the cell, "I don't know if this is such a good option for me."

"It's not a question... or an option." Rick waved one hand, "It's how it's going to be."

"So I can point a gun at Beta and then get shot in the fuckin' back?" Negan shook his head, "I'm a desperate fuck right now but I'm not a stupid one."

"The others are all on the same page."

"Are they now?"

"Yeah...Michonne... Daryl... Carl..." Rick looked at him more directly, "Simon."

"Simon?" Negan laughed out loud and smacked his hands together enthusiastically, "You mean I get to work with my main man again? Shit!" He whipped his head around in Rick's direction, "This offer is getting tastier by the fuckin' minute."

"It's not an offer." Rick shook his head again, "It's not a request. It's what you're going to do."

Negan continued to smirk, laughing lightly to himself still and then crossed over to where Rick stood. He glanced down and gripped the cell bars just above Rick's hands, prompting him to let go and take a step back. The two men looked one another in the eye - Rick hard, focused and with a purpose; Negan jestful, delighted and methodical. He lowered his voice, never breaking eye contact but held a smile as he spoke. "What are you going to do if I don't?"

Rick stared back at him for a moment, not having a definitive answer. "That will be a group decision."

"Group decision." He nodded. "Rick... don't fuckin' act like you aren't in charge here... of all of this."

"We do things-"

"Together." Negan spoke over him, nearly rolling his eyes, "Yeah I fuckin' get that but when it comes down to it they do what you say." He grinned wider, "You're Rick fuckin' Grimes. King of the new world." Negan stepped back and held his arms out to the sides.

Rick shook his head, managing a smirk despite not finding his words or antics at all humorous. "We got this far by working together."

"You know..." He crossed back and sat down on the bench again and picked up the pebble, immediately beginning the words of etching the letter "E" next to the "N" on the wall. "You sound like a fucking eHarmony commercial or some shit." Negan's voice mocked his now, "We got this fucking far by working together and blowing each other." He laughed at his own joke and placed his full concentration on his cell-wall artwork. When Rick didn't say anything he finally turned with a grin and pointed at it, "Perfectly fuckin' straight. Now I just have to keep up this fuckin' consistency with the next three fuckin' letters."

"We defeat them and you get out of cell visitation."

Negan narrowed his eyes, still looking at the wall and then continued on with a "G".

"You can Marilyn once a week outside of here," Rick went on.

He smiled to himself, knowing he could get more and from Rick's attempts at a deal he knew he needed him for the fight, or at least wanted him bad enough to _think_ he needed him. "No."

Rick stepped forward again and placed his hands back on the bars. "That's the only deal I'm giving you."

"Then I'm not fucking helping." Negan focused on the curve in the letter on the wall, "I did my shit for you... I killed Alpha and now I'm in here. I've fuckin' come to terms with it."

He looked down and shook his head. "Marilyn would choose otherwise."

"Well, not to be a dick Rick but it's not her decision." He chuckled again, "It just dawned on me that your name rhymes with dick."

For several minutes Rick said nothing. He watched as Negan patiently etched his name on the brick behind where he sat, brushing off dust from the rock particles and carefully maneuvering the small rock as if he were some grand artist working on a painting. When he never turned back around to press the issue Rick lost his patience and asked, "What then?"

"What then what?" Negan asked immediately.

"I gave you my condition, one day a week you can see Marilyn out of this place... you denied. What do you want?"

"Seven fuckin' days a week."

"No."

"Well then I guess we're fuckin' done here."

"I guess we are."

"Good luck." Negan stood up, glancing at Rick for a moment. He almost smiled but he didn't and then took a few steps back to take in his own name on the wall. "Now that's some good shit right there." He said pointing. "I'm going to have a whole fuckin' wall decorated by the time I die in here. Shit, if I live to be an old man, maybe the floors too."

Rick shook his head, almost in disbelief and then turned to walk out without another word.

Negan stood there for a moment, listening as the door from somewhere around the corner opened and closed before he looked back at his name on the wall. A smile formed on his face and the unique nature of his own name reminded him that there literally was no one quite like him left in the world.

 _He'll be back_ , Negan knew, to _bring that sweet deal home to Daddy._


	112. Trust

"I've always loved the name Jeremy... and Brody... Michael..." Nina eyed the ceiling as she thought of more baby names as she and Marilyn sat across from each other at the dinner table.

Marilyn plunged her fork into a stack of ziti noodles and shoved it in her mouth. "What about girls?"

"You're having a boy," her friend teased, but then smiled, "Shannon... Amanda... Nina." She shrugged and smiled when Marilyn began to laugh and chuckled along with her.

"I'm sold on the last one."

"Thought you would be." Nina continued to grin and ate a fork full off her plate. "God, my favorite thing about living in a shitty world is not caring about what I eat."

"Ditto."

The doorbell rang, making both of them stop what they were doing and look at one another. Marilyn set her fork down on the side of the bowl and got up from where she sat with Nina at her heels.

"At least they're somewhat polite around here," Nina muttered, trailing Marilyn to the door. When she pulled it open they both fell speechless when they came face to face with Rick. It was a feeling that Marilyn couldn't shake whenever she saw him, noting the power he held around the communities and even what Negan had said about him. The fact that Negan held Rick highly in his mind made Marilyn all the more intimidated around him - not to mention that he controlled Negan's fate.

"Hi." Rick said simply. He looked around the immediate area. "May I..."

"Yes." Marilyn stepped aside, holding the door open and Rick let himself in.

"How is this arrangement working for you?" he asked.

"It's um... it's fine," Marilyn assured him, "Better because I'm with Nina."

Rick nodded and continued to take in his surroundings, putting his hands on his hips and then looked to them. "Dr. Carson says you and the baby are healthy."

Marilyn nodded again. "So far so good."

"Good." He took in a deep breath through his nose and slowly walked toward the kitchen with the two of them behind him. Rick eyed the two bowls of ziti and then turned back around, looking directly at Marilyn for a long moment. "I met with Negan today."

She swallowed hard, attempting not to show too much of a reaction. "Oh..."

"Yeah..." Rick ran a hand through his hair and paced around for a moment before leaning against the counter with his arms folded over his chest. "I'd like to talk to you about a deal he turned down."

...

Negan laid flat on his back staring up the wall where he had scribbled his name earlier. Two bricks down he'd written 'RICK GRIMES' in big, bold lettering that matched his own name and planned to reference it in an over-the-top matter the next time the two of them came in contact.

He placed one hand behind his head and then reached down onto a plate on the floor for a few stray crackers he'd saved from the skimpy dinner he had been served and popped one in his mouth before closing his eyes as he chewed.

Negan felt he was right in his chest about the chess move he'd made regarding Marilyn and the visitation rights, but he hoped that Rick wasn't too strong willed to counter-offer after their short stand down earlier in the day.

 _He'll come around_ , Negan knew. He noted that the down time gave him too much time to think about all of the possibilities and so he silenced that voice and tried to focus on other things. When the same door he typically heard from somewhere in the immediate area opened and closed he pressed his eyebrows together as his eyes reopened.

Dinner had come and gone. He hadn't had a visitor past dinner time since he'd arrived. Negan suspected it had to be Rick after their discussion.

"Now that's gotta be Mr. fuckin' Grimes." Negan said the words loudly but didn't shout as he remained in his supine position on the bench listening to the footsteps that echoed off the walls in the darkened room.

When no one immediately responded he simply raised his head from where he laid out of curiosity. At first he saw Rick round the corner and he smiled, but when Marilyn was just a step behind him he swung his legs to the side and rose to his feet.

"I'll be back in an hour." Rick carefully unlocked the cell door, not taking his eyes off Negan as he did as Marilyn charged into the cell with the same enthusiasm as the first time. As the cell door closed, Negan noted the smug look on Rick's face as he finally turned away and rounded the corner, exiting the building just a moment later.

"Marilyn-"

"I am with you every step of the way Negan." She cut him off. "I know this is a tactic that Rick is using."

"That's why you're my girl." He grinned but Marilyn didn't smile back.

"Negan..." She let out a sigh, "This may be his only offer."

"It won't be." Negan extended an arm and she took his hand without question as he pulled her to him.

"I want there to be a future with us... with you and our child." Marilyn raised her eyebrows as he guided her to sit beside him.

"There will be."

"I can handle one day a week... I think. It's better than one day a month... or less."

"I'm aiming higher than that shit honey."

"What do you mean?"

"Start off by telling me why Rick brought you here." Negan didn't let her respond. He leaned in and kissed her firmly on the lips, letting it linger for several seconds before she initiated one that was longer and more heated. He groaned. "I haven't been this long without a woman's fuckin' touch since I've been sixteen."

Marilyn flashed a fleeting, genuine smile but quickly got back to business. "He told me you turned down an offer to see me once a week outside of the cell in exchange for fighting with them against the Whisperers."

"He's right." Negan nodded. "I told him I'd fight if he gave me seven days."

Marilyn smiled and looked down. "He's not going to do that."

"He needs me Marilyn... that's why he's bringing you here. If he didn't need me he would have given me the finger, told me to fuck myself and that would have been that."

"You're right."

"I know." Negan traced her face with his hand and kissed her again until she almost couldn't breath.

"Negan..." She wanted to continue but she also wanted to get more physical with him.

"I'm sorry. All I can think about is fucking you." He continued to try ravaging her lips and her neck before tugging down at the front of her shirt.

Despite wanting to carry on Marilyn forced him to look at her by grabbing either side of his face. "We need to talk," she whispered to him, prompting him to immediately stop and rest his head on the brick wall to look at her more directly.

"Okay," he agreed with a sigh.

"I can get by knowing I can see you once a week."

"I... can't." Negan let out a breath and looked down. "I know I can get more from him... even if we meet in the fuckin' middle... three days... four."

Marilyn felt the emotion pulling at her but she refrained from letting out a tear. When she sighed she nodded and tried to match his confidence. "What do you think is going to happen? Rick told me he wasn't going to budge."

"I'm kind of fuckin' pissed that he's trying to use you to try to sway me," Negan admitted, tightening his hands around her, "But I'm happy all the same." He tipped his mouth up in a half-smirk, "Because I get to fuckin' see you up close... instead of just picturing you in my head."

Marilyn smiled, finally let tears sneak from the corners of her eyes and then kissed him more firmly on the lips.

"Do you think..." Negan whispered against her and closed his eyes, "Do you think I would turn down an offer to see you if I knew I couldn't get more?" He pulled her more tightly against him.

Marilyn sighed through her nose, closing her eyes as he gently kissed her again. "No."

"Trust me... don't trust Rick... even if he says he'll keep my locked away in here forever."

"What if he does?" She rested her forehead against his.

"He won't." Negan let out another loud sigh. "Just... trust me. With you and junior on the line here," he let his fingers dance along the inside of her shirt across her stomach, "I wouldn't bet all my money with a bluffing hand... if you know what I fuckin' mean."

Marilyn swallowed hard, continuing to feel his hot breaths against her. "I do."

Negan reached for her hand, feeling for the band he'd left on her left finger and smiled, bringing it to his lips as the two of them made eye contact again. "Just tell Rick you're with whatever decision I make... even if he makes idol threats against my freedom." Negan smiled wider and continued to whisper. "He underestimated the bond we fuckin' have."

She nodded and looked at him again in the darkness. "Okay."

"Is that a real 'okay'?" Negan asked, "Because if it's not I need you to tell me now. I want us to be on the same page."

Marilyn nodded and managed a smile. "It's a real okay."

When Negan narrowed his eyes at her she smiled and then the two of them shared a laugh before she initiated another kiss.

"We are going to get _exactly_ what we fuckin' want," Negan told her quietly, "It's just going to take patience and trust."

Marilyn nodded again. "I can do that."

He kissed her again and then dried her eyes, looking at her with utmost confidence as a grin took over his face. "Next time I see you there won't be these bars here."

"I hope not," she said with a laugh.

Negan winked. "Trust and patience doll."


	113. The Game

"We have got to start the march tomorrow!" Ezekiel stood with both Rick and Maggie at his headquarters in front of the stage at the Kingdom. "They have already been pardoned for too long." He narrowed his eyes, "They'll grow stronger before they grow weaker. We have come too far!"

"Are your fighters strong enough for another battle?" Rick eyed him. "Because this is all or nothing."

"We have fighters," Maggie said with a nod, prompting Rick to glance down at the massive bulge in her stomach.

"Don't you even think about it," he joked, tipping the corner of his mouth up a smile despite the tense nature of the conversation.

Maggie smiled back but quickly let it fade. "I'm staying back. This thing might just send me into labor," she told them, half-kidding. "But we're ready."

Rick scratched the bridge of his nose with his thumb nail and looked around the darkened room.

"Is he on board?" Ezekiel asked reluctantly.

"I'm working on it." He avoided eye contact, staring at the ceiling for a moment.

"He's a perfect candidate. If he dies... he dies. But he's a hell of a fighter."

"Yeah..."

"Does Marilyn know?" Maggie asked almost immediately.

"Why do you..." Rick caught himself, and then looked her in the eye.

"How can I not care?" she told him sympathetically. "If it was just Negan I'd send him off to the wolves and kill him if he refused." Maggie hardened her jaw and her eyes, "I have not come close to forgiveness but I have things in perspective. That baby needs everything it can get when it comes into this world."

"Negan?" He asked, "As a father?"

"A father," Maggie counter, "Who's alive."

Rick wasn't at all sure where he stood as the lines of right and wrong were so blurry in his mind. "Are you asking me not to have him fight?"

"No." She shook her head, "If he were to fall to the casualties of war like any one of us could then so be it. What I'm not on board with is setting him up to die. Not with her carrying his child."

"I don't think anyone would be aiming to kill," Ezekiel informed her, "But I'm not going to dive in front of a bullet for the man."

"I wouldn't expect you to." Maggie shook her head.

"He didn't agree to the deal I offered," Rick explained.

"Which was what?" she asked.

"One day out of the cell per week to see Marilyn if he fights with us."

"I would suppose he counter-offered," Ezekiel said matter-of-factly.

"You would suppose right."

"What's he want?" Maggie asked, nodding her head at Rick.

"Seven days." He looked at her directly.

No one said anything for a moment and then Ezekiel let out a howl of a laugh. "Has he gone mad?"

"I won't agree to it."

"Hard labor?" Maggie suggested with a shrug.

Rick turned to her, "He can't be in the general community population. It just won't work."

"He's right," Ezekiel agreed after coming down from his laughing fit.

"Meet him in the middle?" Maggie asked. "Three days."

"That's too many." Rick shook his head. "Our original plan was him in that cell and care for his wife... that's it."

"The tides have changed," she informed him, and then looked to Ezekiel. "And not in our favor."

"What do you suggest we do madam?" Ezekiel smiled wide again and then let it fade, "Just allow him to stroll around the grounds as if nothing occurred whatsoever between our opposing empires?"

"Someone _will_ end up killing him," Rick informed her, "If they're still angry enough and he's just walking around town... Rosita." He shrugged and then reluctantly spoke his son's name, "Carl."

Maggie knew they were right. There was too much history with Negan to have him quietly slide in as a true member of the community. Again, there was a bout of silence before a light bulb went off in her mind.

"What is it?" Rick asked, seeing the look on her face.

Maggie switched her glance from Rick to Ezekiel. "Where's Carol?"

"She was on her way to speak with Daryl and Morgan prior to this arrangement." He motion with his hand to the three of them and then adjusted the weight in his posture from one foot to the other. "Why?"

"I think I may have an idea."

Rick waited, anticipating for her to elaborate. When she didn't he simply asked. "What is it?"

"That house... that little house." Maggie nodded. "The one outside the walls but close by."

He began to shake his head. "He could run-"

"He won't." Maggie shook her head adamantly. "He won't." She paused as the thoughts began to roll in, "Rick... for the first time we've got him. We've got him by the balls."

"Yes because he's in that cell," Ezekiel said.

"No." She shook her head again. "Negan used to run the Sanctuary through intimidation... and fear."

"Yeah..." Rick narrowed his eyes.

"He loves that woman," Maggie explained. "She is his anchor here."

"The Achilles Heel, so you might speak?" Ezekiel responded.

"If you want to put it that way." She swallowed hard. "As long as we have protection and walls... and humanity, we've got Negan. Because he is not longer fueled by fear... or his ego."

"I wouldn't go that far." Rick noted their previous conversation.

"He's fueled by Marilyn's safety... and his future child's." Maggie stared at him. "He'll do whatever we say whether from a jail cell, from that house where Carol stayed or from China if we asked him to."

Rick and Ezekiel exchanged a glance and then Maggie went on.

"He's convincing enough to make it seem like he's in control, but we have to play the game better." Maggie paused, "I've got this," she said confidently, "I'll go talk to him."


	114. Why Him

Maggie took a deep breath and stood outside the main door to the building where Negan was being held. She hesitated for a moment before finally tugging on the handle of the door and making her way inside.

Every part of her felt heavy with anxiety and Negan's casual whistling to a song she wasn't familiar with compounded that feeling.

He was aware of her presence, she knew, but she also reminded herself that he had no idea who he was about to come face to face with. That was confirmed when Maggie finally rounded into the room with the cell, prompting his carefree whistling to come to an abrupt stop.

Maggie never scripted anything. She hasn't practiced what she might say or rehearsed in the bathroom mirror. When she spoke she wanted it to be honest and natural, even when those inner feelings of anger and sorrow crept in as she stared at him.

Negan's eyes immediately dropped to Maggie's heavily pregnant stomach but he didn't say a word. She saw his stare but didn't immediately address her pregnancy. She got right to business.

"Negan we need you to fight with Alexandria."

He stayed quiet for a moment, still sitting like a statue on the bench where he spent most hours of the day.

"I know Rick came in here." She nodded. "I know what his terms were. I'm here to make another."

Negan cleared his throat, coming off of the off-guard state he was caught in. "Okay," he replied simply.

"You and Simon help us, you fight with us..." Maggie didn't immediately finish the sentence as flashbacks of their first meeting entered her mind.

"I thought Simon was already in board." His words broke her nightmarish daydream.

"No." Maggie shook her head. "He claims you're a package deal."

Negan smiled to himself at the loyalty of his friend but them focused back on Maggie. "People on both sides will be gunning for me."

"No." She shook her head. "Your risks will be equal to everyone around you."

"What's your offer?" Negan remained serious; even-keeled, his wit betraying him in her presence.

"You fight and until the baby is born you get once a week out of the cell to visit only the mother of your child." Maggie stared at him with hard eyes, a part of her not wanting to make the second half of the deal because of Glenn's suffering, because of his painful, tragic and untimely end. Still, she knew the unborn child had nothing to do with the past, and therefore she had to look at the future.

It's what my dad would do, Maggie knew.

"Once Marilyn has the baby... there's a little house. It's not far from the Kingdom. It's secluded; private... on its own little territory beyond the walls. Carol stayed there."

Negan kept his eyes locked on hers and Maggie finished her thought.

"It's yours. The people here aren't ready to forgive you, me being one of them," she admitted.

"Why would you do that?" The question came out meek and gravely.

Maggie placed a hand on her stomach. "Another child born into this world shouldn't have to grow up without a father."

Negan closed his eyes slowly, empathy flowing through him as he paralleled Maggie and Marilyn in his mind.

Maggie's child would never know Glenn; wouldn't have the one man who was supposed to show him the ways of life there to lead him or her. Likewise, Maggie was pregnant and alone in a violent world. She had been left to mourn her husband's death while remaining unselfish for their child.

Negan pictures Marilyn. As distraught as she had been seeing him locked up he knew it wouldn't hold a candle to what she would feel if he were dead. He imagined her tear-streaked face, one which he had seen many times in their ups and downs. He imagined her curled up body alone in the center of a bed meant for two while Nina tried to comfort her. He imagined her holding the burden of raising their child alone and never fully moving on while she remained strong on the surface.

Negan re-opened his eyes and looked at Maggie. She sat so soundly, eagerly awaiting his response to her pitch that felt more than fair. Her eyes were focused and shined with strength. Any hatred she felt for him hid behind a set of empathetic, humane eyes. She had all the reason to despise him, to hate him, to spit on him where he sat and demand that he rot in Hell - but he could see she didn't.

"I'm..." Negan let in a deep inhale and exhale through his nose. "I'm sorry for what I've taken from you."

"You'll never know what you took from me Negan. Glenn was truly one in a million and nothing I can say could accurately describe what he meant to me and to every single person in this community." Maggie told him, still controlled in her tone. "My son will never know his father." She shook her head. "I won't let that happen to another child... even yours." Maggie looked at him harder, "Take the deal Negan."

Negan's eyes only left hers to glance at her heavily pregnant stomach again and then he nodded silently and looked down. "I'll take the deal."

Maggie let out a quiet sigh. She looked at his defeated posture for a moment, waiting for him to look back up at her. His hands were folded between his knees, his shoulders were slumped and the dark shadow cast over him added to the melancholy nature of the conversation.

She swallowed hard. "Sunrise."

Negan lifted his head. "Tomorrow."

"That's right."

"I don't know the plan that Rick has in order."

Maggie spoke nonchalantly. "He'll hand you a gun... point and shoot."

Negan was naturally tempted to make a smart comment but because it was Maggie he refrained.

"Last chance to back out of it." Maggie didn't want to test him but the words rolled off her tongue. "When I walk out that door it's official."

He stared back at her in the darkness before finally giving a subtle nod. Maggie nodded back and turned to go.

"Sunrise." Her voice echoed off the walls and just as quickly as she'd entered she was gone.

Negan felt a tightness in his throat; like she had just given him a knockout punch to the gut. He laid down on his side almost in the fetal position and closed his eyes as his thoughts took their toll on him.

Guilt set in and he swallowed hard. Why the fuck did I have to pick him? Negan thought, noting he hadn't known of Maggie's condition at the time of Glenn's death. Why him?

Simultaneously, Maggie closed and locked the door to the building behind her. She sank down against the door and looked around the vacant street before let out one sob and then another before finally bursting into a fit of tears beneath the cover of darkness.


	115. Free Bird

Marilyn tossed and turned, never truly having a sound sleep the way she had at the Sanctuary. Her dreams were a constant mixture of nightmares and dreamscapes. It was like her mind couldn't catch up. Even the best of dreams where Negan was beside her felt more like nightmares because when she awoke she was left to the extreme disappoint that came along with his absence. It was almost as if she preferred the nightmares to the tease that lingered in her most favorite dreams.

Her eyes opened to the sound of his voice - a common phenomenon in her semi-conscious psyche.

"Marilyn." His scratchy voice whispered to her in a way as if not to wake her, though she knew simultaneously those were his intentions.

"Negan?" Marilyn opened her eyes, a blur covering her irises as she attempted to squint in the darkness.

"Yeah." His voice was typical and as she drew a hand across her eyes she saw the dark outline of his face.

"You can't be..." She shook her head, attempting to do away with the all-to-frequent dream that left her with a wave of disappointment in the morning; a dreamy one-night stand of sorts that she created in her mind, only this one kept reoccurring.

"I'm here," Negan told her, half-sitting on the bed. "Marilyn." He took her hand in his and kissed the backs of her knuckles.

Marilyn sat up not knowing what to think; was he there, was he not? She adjusted her eyes in the darkness and realized she wasn't dreaming. "What are you doing here?" she asked, "Are we leaving? Are we in trouble?"

"No." He shook his head and looked down at their conjoined hands. "I just... I'm allowed a few hours with you."

"Why?" She managed a fleeting smile but knew there was a catch. "I feel like I'm dreaming Negan."

Negan pulled her forehead toward his lips and left a single kiss there before proceeding to kick off his shoes and peel off his shirt and pants. "Let's just sleep... for a few hours."

"What is going on?" Marilyn swallowed hard and looked at him as he crept in beside her in bed. "This... you're not in danger are you? This isn't like a last meal type of thing before you're executed..."

His chuckle calmed her down and he pulled her toward him in the bed so they were laying on pillows facing one another. "No."

Marilyn swallowed hard and put a hand on the side of his face. "I've had too many dreams like this."

Negan leaned in and kissed her once, keeping his lips against hers as he spoke. "I made a deal... with Maggie."

"Maggie?" she pulled back to look him in the eye.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"What's the deal?" Marilyn's eye gleamed with worst-case scenarios but when Negan smiled coolly and kissed her again she felt the tenseness leave her body.

"I fight with them... and I get one day a week outside of the cell with you."

She eyed him suspiciously. "That's the same deal Rick gave you that you turned down... and..." Marilyn couldn't help but laugh lightly and tucked an arm around his midsection. "You're here."

Negan smiled and accepted a kiss that she couldn't help but give him. "After you give birth... we get a house."

" _We?"_ Marilyn stopped kissing him and pulled back. "What... did you... we what?"

He chuckled. "Yeah."

"What?" She shook her head, continuing to laugh in a sense of disbelief. "If there's a bad side to this you better reveal it now."

"I'm going to fight with them against the Whisperers."

"Okay..."

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Marilyn's eyes widened. "Can you..." she let out a deep sigh and cursed, "Tomorrow? Fucking _tomorrow_!"

Negan chuckled. "I love it when I can draw a good _fuck_ out of you."

"I'm serious..." She pushed him back a few inches to look him in the eye. "Negan... can you trust them?"

"I couldn't pass it up."

"But-"

"Maggie is a fucking saint. All she's worried about is you... the baby."

"Not you," Marilyn pointed out.

"No," he agreed, "But she's concerned for the baby." Negan pushed up on the tank top she was wearing and then tossed the covers off of them. He moved down toward her midsection and kissed the small bump on her stomach.

She smiled, watching him for a moment as he carefully traced his fingers against her and continued to string kisses along her stomach.

"Maggie... she..." Negan sighed and then moved back up so he was face to face with her, keeping a hand across her pregnancy bump. "She doesn't want our kid to grow up without a father. She was real... and adamant about it."

Marilyn sighed. "I guess this life has become all or nothing... balls to the wall..."

"You're fucking speaking my language." He winked, "That's exactly it." Negan swallowed hard and kissed her again. "This is all for you honey. I have to do this. One day or two at most worth of shit and then we're free."

"Free..." She let out a sigh, "After I give birth-"

"We can live our lives together... fucking free as a fucking bird."

Marilyn smiled and accepted his kiss as he gently leaned in and took her lips with his. She sighed and placed her hand over his as he left it on her cheek.

Negan felt a twinge of angst seeing her eyes close. He knew her highs and lows weren't good for her own mental health or the baby's. "This may be it... for long fucking while honey," he whispered, "I fucking promise you that shit. In a week shit will be back to normal. I can handle another six or seven months in that cell but we get to fucking see each other... and then start our life together, really start that shit."

"Okay."

"I'm sorry."

Marilyn knew she couldn't handle the terms. She should have been happy but she wasn't even close to celebrating yet. They had to get through the next step first. "We're going to have a great life."

"Fuck yeah we are." Negan studied her eyes that never left his and they each leaned in at the same time and kissed one another before he brought her head toward his chest and cuddled her body again his. "Get some sleep."

"If I wake up and this is a dream-"

"It's not a dream." Negan held her tighter, "No dream fucking feels as good as this."

Marilyn buried herself into his warmth. "I know."

"I love you Marilyn."

She sighed. "I want you forever. I know that's selfish but I want you. I need you."

Negan kissed her forehead again and felt her pull him tighter. "Forever is the fucking plan."

Marilyn opened her eyes and looked up at him. "How are you here?"

He smiled and winked. "Part of the deal doll. Now go to sleep. I have to be up and out at dawn."

"No." She whispered the word but Negan felt the submission in her body language.

"Things will be different soon," Negan whispered back against her ear.

"This... I would give up everything for this."

"You won't have to," he assured her, "Me and Simon... and Rick and the rest of them... we're going to fuck shit up tomorrow."

"Together..."

Negan swallowed hard, slightly anxious himself but excited all the same at the notion. "Together."


	116. Game Time

The sound of a gun cocking made Marilyn spring up in her bed. She breathed heavily, attempting to take in her surroundings and drew a hand across a damp sweat across her forehead. The spot beside her in the bed was empty, though she could hear a pair of male voices talking in the hallway behind a closed door.

"Negan!" she shouted his name, unable to let it out in any other way. _God, was I dreaming?_ Marilyn placed a hand on the empty side of the be beside her but felt an instant jolt of relief when the bedroom door opened and Negan entered, toting a shotgun that he propped gently against the wall.

"Right here, doll." He flashed a smile and just behind him Simon stood in a white t-shirt and jeans. He gave a subtle wave before Negan gave him a head nod and he opened the door at the opposite end of the hallway to enter Nina's room.

Marilyn laid down flat again and took a deep breath. "I thought I dreamed it all," she told him.

"Nope." He continued to grin and then sat down beside her, placing a hand against the side of her face as he leaned down to kiss her once.

"What time is it?"

"Almost five." The two of them looked toward the window noting the darkness that still held a middle-of-the-night feel."

Marilyn swallowed hard and closed her eyes as he slipped a hand through hers. "Did Simon stay here?"

Negan nodded. "We're just getting shit ready... about to head down to the center of town to meet with everyone."

She re-opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I swear if this is a set up I'll kill everybody."

He chuckled and brought her knuckles to his lips. "I fuckin' know you will baby."

"I'm serious."

Negan laughed lightly again, amused by her fiery spirit. "I know."

Marilyn sat back up and kissed him again and then hugged him, resting her hand on the back of his neck and setting her lips by his ear. "Don't go out of your way to make an sacrifices. Beta will be gunning for you if she sees you."

"Beta is my first target."

"And I'm sure you're hers."

Negan sighed against her and then pulled back to look her in the eye. "There's nobody fuckin' better than me in this scene honey." He smiled, winking as he did. "That's why Rick and the rest of them wanted me so fucking bad." He toyed with her hair for a moment and studied her expression.

"How do you know it's not a set-up?"

"Maggie," he spoke simply and without hesitation.

Marilyn thought for a moment and then nodded and looked down. His response made her at least mildly content. She had her own interaction with Maggie and knew that she was genuine in her ways - not to mention she had empathy for their situation in ways that no one else could relate to on such a personal level. "Okay."

"Don't forget... The Sanctuary was number one for a while," Negan reminded her, "It took three communities and backstabbing dick like Dwight to take us down. I run shit. Even now. Rick came to me for advice way before he fucking needed me for the war."

"He did?"

"Yeah." Negan nodded, still smirking. "He could've ordered to have me fuckin' killed a long time ago but he didn't. They could have let me bleed out from my altercation with him. It would have been easy." He shook his head, "Rick needs him some Negan in his fuckin' life."

Marilyn managed a brief laugh, but shook her head.

"And I won't lie," he went on, "Humbly..." Negan grazed her stomach with his fingers, "I need Rick too... for you... for us."

"What a warped relationship."

"You're fuckin' telling me." Negan chuckled. "But I'll take it. If it means have stability for you."

"For us."

He nodded in agreement and then waited for her to look at him again. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Stay inside. If Maggie or otherwise asks you to go with them somewhere safer... go."

She nodded back at him. "Okay."

"I trust her."

"I do too."

The two of them stared at one another, neither speaking for a moment before Negan leaned back in and kissed her again, "I've got to go."

"Thank you." Marilyn squeezed his hand. "Thank you for all you've done for me, Negan. From the beginning to now. You could have turned your back on me after this and-"

"Never." Negan shook his head. "No... I could never have done that. I've been a dick of all kinds to a lot of different people, but you're different. I'd never fuck around when it came to your safety... or your happiness. I want a life for you, Marilyn... I always have; something better than the walking dead and the wars and eating scraps leftover for meals. I want you to live a long, comfortable life despite all this shit."

She shook her head and tried to will herself to keep from crying. She paused a moment, letting the tightness in her chest pass, but a tear streamed down her face. "I never used to cry this much, ya know." Marilyn laughed lightly and wiped it away, "It's in a good way... but..."

"Shit is continually hitting the fan," Negan reminded her, "It'd be fucked up if you didn't cry. Plus I hear those pregnancy hormones are a bitch."

She laughed and nodded. "Yeah."

He laughed with her and then kissed her forehead before standing up. "Try to go back to sleep."

Marilyn shook her head. "That I can't do." She laughed, standing up beside him. "But I'll try to keep busy."

"Okay." Negan took her hand, seeing she wasn't about to go back to bed. He led her out of the room, sweeping the gun back up in his free hand and then used the butt of it to tap on Nina's door. "Simon?"

A few seconds passed and the door swung open. Simon took a deep breath, standing there with Nina just a step behind him. "Ready."

"Let's go do what we do," Negan told him, prompting Simon to nod.

"Be careful," Nina told them, stepping out into the hallway.

Simon looked down at the weapons he had stashed along his body and then raised his eyebrows before he head toward the staircase a step ahead of Negan, who still towed Marilyn by the hand.

When the four of them made it down to the first level and crossed out onto the porch, it was official. Whatever was meant to happen that day would happen.

Negan turned to Marilyn. "You're okay with all this? I should've asked before now instead of telling you what the deal I made was."

She nodded. "Yeah."

"Come here." Negan pulled her to him and hugged her for a long moment before leaving a series of kisses on her lips. "All good things take a lot of fuckin' sacrifices. This is just another fuckin' hurdle."

Marilyn nodded again. "Just... come back."

He winked and then kissed her a final time, letting it linger before turning toward Simon and Nina. "Game time," he said nonchalantly, as if they were about to head out onto a football field.

Simon smiled wide and shrugged. "Let's go fuck shit up."


	117. Warriors

Lydia reached for Carl's arm as he went to dart off the porch following Rick and Michonne's lead. "Carl." Her voice was meek, though it pulled him back as if she had shouted at him.

"Yeah?" He huffed the word, overwhelmed and excited about the task at hand. The gasped word came out sounding like he'd just run a mile.

"I know... I know that man, Negan, I know you dislike him."

"It's more than that," Carl said adamantly.

"I'm sure you're right." Lydia folded her hands in front of her and looked down a moment, "He saved me, Carl. He kept them, those men from..." She shook her head, "I have never felt more powerful than when he handed me that pipe and I got to bash in that asshole's head."

He swallowed hard, "What are you saying?"

"I overheard the talk with your dad. He told you and the others not to kill Negan. I'm guessing he said that because he thought you might try to." Lydia shook her head, "Please don't do it Carl... for me. I finally feel like," she took a breath as if to process what she was saying, "I finally feel safe and secure - and not like I'm being degraded and lied to. You've already done so much for me Carl. Make this promise to me and I'll stay."

Carl took a deep breath and adjusted his hat. "What if I can't-"

"Then I'll go," Lydia cut him off.

He stared at her a moment, knowing there was no time for debate. Lydia had been through so much that he knew she was serious, and simultaneously against his own wishes he acknowledged that Negan had, indeed, empowered her on some level. From the look in her eyes he could see the moment meant a lot to her.

"Okay." Carl nodded. "I promise."

Lydia leaned in and touched her lips to his cheek while touching the other side of his face with her hand. "Be careful Carl." She sighed and looked him in the eye. "I have a feeling I'm really going to need you."

He stared at her a moment, wanting to smile but he couldn't.

"Carl!" Rick shouted from the street, prompting Michonne to give him a look.

Carl turned without another word and headed toward the two of them.

"Ready?" Michonne asked him softly, glancing up at the girl on the porch.

"Yeah." Carl didn't look back. "Yeah I'm ready."

"Good." Rick waved him on and the three of them headed to where the rest of the communities were gathering to prepare for the upcoming war.

...

Negan and Simon marched side by side, their steps unintentionally even and rifles perched on their shoulders like two soldiers - that's what they were.

"Think they'll be gunning for us?" Simon asked when they saw the crowd of people by the front wall of Alexandria.

Negan slowly turned his head to look at him and then focused straight ahead again. "No," he replied simply, "But that doesn't mean one of these fuckers won't go rogue."

"So... yes then?"

"The fuck if I know Simon." He sighed. "Back out of this shit if you want to."

"Fuck no." Simon stopped a moment and Negan reluctantly did the same before looking down as Simon held his fist out. "Who the hell do we got besides each other now?"

Negan nodded and pounded his fist. "You're fuckin' right about that."

"I mean... besides the girls." He shrugged nonchalantly as they pressed on, making Negan smirk to himself.

"Yeah." Negan ran a hand across his beard and sighed loudly. "These Whisper fucks ain't got shit. They're rippin' pissed but that's all. It'll make 'em do dumb shit - take stupid risks."

Simon nodded, beginning to feel the collective display of disapproving looks while he and Negan grew closer to the group.

"Beta's going to be leading them. No doubt in my mind about that shit but if we can nail her ass fast they'll lose their steam," Negan went on, "They have walkers. The walkers are fucking useless if they don't get inside these walls."

"They all look the same!" Rick's voice bellowed and he echoed Negan's words from a moment before unknowingly. "Beta... she's the leader now - the head of the snake that we need to chop off. We get her, we get them."

Negan smiled to himself, noting their words paralleled so greatly, though immediately let it fade when he realized that Rick must have said the same thing about him just before he slit his throat.

 _Plan was fuckin' effective_ , Negan acknowledged in his mind. He knew the present was the present and the past had to be placed on the backburner in order to truly work together to overcome the latest obstacle. It _was_ an effective plan. The Sanctuary as they all knew it had fizzled out, though Negan was well aware that it was still functioning in some way.

"Fire away," Rick went on, "They have nothing but walkers and scare tactics. Those heads on spikes..." He shook his head and looked around at his people, "They _wanted_ us to believe they were scary; that they could take us down... but when you really are scary you don't need to talk about it, or put up trophy kills. _We_ are going to show them today that they picked the wrong fucking people to mess with." Rick nodded adamantly and looked around, "No one can defeat us... and by us I mean all of us... Alexandria, The Kingdom, The Hilltop. These are our homes and it's time to make a statement."

Daryl nodded beside him and there was a collection of chants and shouts.

"Ezekiel is meeting them at a central location now," Michonne informed the group, "They'll be right where we want them and then we'll all attack at once. Three communities versus one."

"What about the walkers?" someone asked.

"Daryl and Carol are going to lead them away," Rick informed them.

"Fire," Daryl said in a low, gravely voice. At the same time Carol tapped a stray can of gasoline.

"Is that all the gas you fuckin' have?" Negan asked.

"No." Carol replied right away, staring him directly in the eye.

"First time I've heard about this part."

"Well it'll be the last thing you hear if you don't close your mouth and follow whatever Rick says. This part has nothing to do with you."

Daryl moved a step closer to Carol and a genuine smile formed on Negan's face. In those two sentences he felt a deep admiration for Carol and thought to himself that her physical appearance was deceiving of what he knew she had inside.

"Fair enough," he responded to keep the peace despite wanting to dig deeper into her character.

Carol continued to stare in his direction before Rick continued on, lumping people together in such a way that Negan knew he had already spoken to them personally. Each smaller group took off on foot or headed to a vehicle before he finally honed in on where he and Simon stood.

"You two are in the back of my truck," he ordered.

Simon nodded and Negan smiled.

"Stick to the plan," Michonne told them, eyeing Simon first and then keeping her eyes focused on Negan.

He almost threw in a snarky comment accompanied by a wink but he refrained. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

Simon followed his lead and simply nodded before heading toward the truck that the four of them and Carl intended on taking to ambush the Whisperers.

Before Negan could follow a hand clamped down on his arm and he spun around, surprised to see Carol standing there just a few inches from him.

"Carol right?" he asked.

"If you try to pull any shit... _any_ shit that I find would put my family in danger..." Her eyes were hard, determined and they studied his eyes as she spoke, "I will put a bullet in your head or worse without even batting an eye."

Negan stared back at the woman and couldn't keep a small smile from his face. It wasn't of arrogance but he wasn't sure she knew that. It was, again, out of sheer admiration. Negan knew if he ever had Carol on his side willingly that the two of them could truly make some big moves together. Realistically, he knew that would never happen.

"I believe you."

"You'd be fucking stupid otherwise." Carol continued to stare at him, "For the record... I wouldn't have saved you if I had been the one to slit your throat."

Negan stared back at her and couldn't keep a truthful statement from leaving his mouth, "You are a... remarkable woman." In a soldier-to-solider type of way he was smitten.

"Carol..." Daryl's voice brought her back to reality and she turned away without another word to join him away from the rest of the people.

Negan turned back toward the truck where Simon was already settled in the bed. Through the back window he saw Carl staring back at him and a chill ran down his back. If nothing else, Negan knew he was surrounded by warriors of all kinds - whether men, women or children.

Negan hoisted his big body up into the back to sit beside Simon. When the vehicle started up he knew there was no turning back. It wasn't the Whisperers that worried him. Negan knew they were stronger. It was the bad blood that lingered that worried him. It was Dwight's original stab in the back that left him next to dead at the hands of Rick. The backstabbing is what had done him in the first time around. Still, Negan noted it wasn't the past. He had to focus on that second, the minute, the hour, the day at hand. With a deep breath he psyched himself back up and got in the moment. _Here we go. Here we fuckin' go._


	118. Contractions

Maggie slowly strolled up to the house at the end of the road at Alexandria, hesitating a moment before she took the stairs to the porch and gave a short series of knocks. She took a breath, resting her hands on her oversized stomach and saw Marilyn's wide-eyed stare once the door flung open.

"Hi... Maggie." She took a breath and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Hi."

"Would you like to come in?" Marilyn stepped aside but Maggie put up a hand and shook her head. "No... I'm here to ask the two of you to come with me to the Hilltop. It's safer there and they just left."

Marilyn took a deep breath, seeing the adamant expression on Maggie's face. "We should go."

"Yes... you should."

"I'll go pack a few things."

Maggie nodded. "There's a car out front by the gates. I'll meet you there."

...

No one spoke on the ride from Alexandria to the Hilltop. Maggie sat quietly but uncomfortably as she shifted and took the occasional breath that was just a little too deep. The driver, who Marilyn didn't recognize, kept glancing over at her.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

Maggie braced herself a moment before nodded. "Yeah."

"Don't go into labor on me."

"Flashbacks." She half-jokingly breathed the word out, remembering the trip in the RV when she'd had complications in the earliest stages of her pregnancy. "I swear if we run into roadblocks I'm going to army crawl my way to the Hilltop."

The driver laughed nervously and Marilyn exchanged a glance with Nina in the back seat.

"Is Dr. Carson ready for whenever that happens?" the driver went on.

"He's always ready." Maggie pressed her eyes shut and groaned before gripping the handle above the window. "Oh boy..."

"Oh boy." The driver echoed and hit the gas pedal a little harder.

"Maggie are you..." Marilyn didn't have to finish the question. Maggie groaned this time and dropped both of her hands to her stomach.

"Drive faster," Maggie instructed. She let out a series of choppy breaths and then relaxed for a moment. When the car began to move faster, the trees beginning to whip by at impossible speeds Maggie let out another decompressing breath. "False alarm."

"Are you sure?" The driver looked over.

"I think so."

Nina wanted to say something to Marilyn but she didn't. She simply kept looking over at her nervously.

 _Get us there_ , Marilyn prayed, _for Maggie's sake._

Ten minutes went by and then another ten, all the while Maggie alternated between two extremes - being overwhelming uncomfortable, attempting to diminish the pain through gritted teeth and tightly closed eyes, and then back to being okay again, sitting breathless in the passenger seat.

"Maggie..." Marilyn's voice was slightly more panicked but she tried to remain calm.

"It's contractions." Maggie sighed and then bit down on her bottom lip as the pain resumed, "It's just contractions."

"Just contractions?" The driver asked.

"We're almost there." She breathed, "Oh boy..."

"Are you going to have a boy?" Marilyn asked, attempting to distract her.

"Yes." Maggie let out a breath. "Yes."

"Almost there," The driver reiterated Maggie's claims from a moment before.

"Get on the radio with Dr. Carson," she instructed, handing a walkie-talkie over her shoulder.

Nina's hand grabbed it first and she stuttered for a moment as her shaking fingers pressed down on the button to talk. "Um... Dr. Carson... Dr. Carson, are you there?"

"This is Tara," the voice came from the other side, "Who is this?"

"Could you have Dr. Carson available for when we get to the Hilltop?"

Maggie hissed the next sentence through gritted teeth. She let out a loud, more painful groan. "Need help getting up the stairs."

"Maggie needs Dr. Carson!" Nina shouted more shrilly into the receiver.

"Is she okay?"

"She's having contractions. Bad ones."

"Shit, okay," Tara's responded. "How long?"

Nina looked to Marilyn, who made eye contact with the driver.

"Three, four minutes," the driver replied, a phrase that Nina repeated into the walkie-talkie.

"On it."

Maggie relaxed again just for a moment and leaned her head all the way back against the head rest. "Marilyn... you and Nina need to get to the basement. There will be others there."

"Okay," Marilyn replied.

"Don't come out unless we tell you to."

"I'll show them the way," the driver offered.

"Thank you." Maggie gripped the handle on the door again and braced herself.

The last few minutes felt like hours to everyone in the vehicle with the pressure remaining on the driver to get them there successfully and as fast as possible. The gates were in the process of opening when they pulled up and the car swiftly cruised into the community.

A small swarm of people rushed to the car with Jesus and Tara at the lead.

"I'm okay," Maggie assured them once the door was open.

"Are you sure?" Jesus took her hand and Maggie managed to climb out on her own. Dr. Carson hurried to see her and immediately took her other arm.

"How far apart are the contractions?" he asked.

"Minutes," Maggie informed him. She pressed her eyes shut, "I thought I was having them earlier but I wasn't sure because they were so far apart." She managed a laugh despite the pain, "This is all new to me."

"How far apart did they start?"

"If that's what it was." She let out a breath and took a few steps, "I think twenty minutes or so."

"Now it's only a few minutes?"

She nodded and struggled but made it to the front doors of the main building.

"You're going to be just fine," Dr. Carson informed her.

Jesus continued to guide her and Tara wished her luck with a kiss on the cheek before turning to face Marilyn and Nina.

"The basement," Maggie breathed, "Tara."

"Got it," she shouted back, waving the two of them with her, "It's not the basement where Negan was before. You remember that place quite well, don't you?" Tara looked at Marilyn, "This one is more comfortable." There was a purposeful, angry ring in her voice that she over pronounced as she led the way out the door and around back.

"It wasn't personal Tara," Marilyn assured her.

"Using someone is about as personal as it gets." She marched up toward a door and flung it open, "Go ahead."

"Is Maggie-"

"Maggie's going to be fine." Tara shook her head, "You don't have to pretend that you care anymore."

"I'm not pretending," Marilyn insisted.

Tara looked her up and down for a moment and shook her head. "I believed you."

"I had to get him out of there Tara."

"You don't know what he did."

"Yes I do," she said firmly.

Tara studied her expression for a moment before smirking. "Well, that makes it worse."

"You attacked us first. The outpost building... in the middle of the night when they were asleep. Don't act like you're innocent in this." Marilyn looked her in the eye, "Were you there that night?"

Tara hardened her features. "The Saviors were a disgrace."

"Were you there?" When Tara didn't answer Marilyn shook her head and turned away before marching down the steps, "Thanks," she called back, only glancing over to make sure Nina was behind her. When the door slammed and the two of them were left in silence with nothing but baskets of fruit all around them and a rundown couch, Nina finally spoke.

"I would have had your back just now but it seems like you had that under control on your own." She raised her eyebrows and sat down. "She's a trip."

Marilyn sighed, "Misunderstanding." She shook her head, "If everyone could just take responsibility, own it and fucking get over the past we could all work together."

"Doesn't seem like they're all willing to do that."

"No." She shook her head, "I just hope that the people Negan and Simon are with will keep their word."


	119. Benedict Lane

Rick pulled the truck to a halt by a pair of rusted, old street signs that sat on top of one another at the apex of a tall metal pole.

Negan eyed them, already intently noting the path they had taken to get to their current location as they drove. In his mind he replayed the street names several times to engrain them there permanently: _High Street and Benedict Lane_. Immediately he thought of Benedict Arnold - the infamous traitor that had been branded so adamantly that his name had lived on for more years than he could actually pinpoint.

He tried not to look at the street sign as a metaphorical one and hopped out of the pickup bed at the same time as Simon.

"We're going to swarm in from all sides," Rick informed them as he exited the driver's seat and carefully shut the door. "Shoot to kill. The dead and the living are easy to confuse." He looked at Negan for a moment and then to Carl as he rounded the vehicle with Michonne, "We attack when you hear the explosion."

"What explosion?" Simon asked.

"Carol and Daryl," Michonne informed them, "There's an old house they've already prepped to set on fire with a propane tank just behind it."

"When that goes up in flames we charge. The walkers will be drawn to the fire more than anything, and the ones who aren't we just take out."

"Where does Ezekiel have them now?" Negan asked.

Rick pointed, "We're heading down Benedict about a quarter mile on foot. There's a path that opens up on the left through the woods, starts as gravel and then becomes dirt. That should lead us right to them."

"How far is the march through the woods?"

"Mile at best. Might be just under."

"Why here?" Negan didn't harden his eyes but he stared directly at Rick in an attempt to see if he was being truthful in his immediate response. At the same time, if he was being truthful Negan wanted to hear a legitimate reason; something that strategically made sense for them to meet the Whisperers at _this_ location.

"Rock face," Michonne responded in his place, "There's a small summit, a rock face that goes up hundreds of feet," she went on, "The idea is to keep them backed into the wall and attack so they have nowhere to go."

He smiled and pointed as he spoke, "Smart thinking."

"Let's go." Rick nodded, adjusting his weaponry and motioned for Negan and Simon to go ahead first.

"What so you can put a fuckin' bullet in the back of my head?" Negan chuckled as he finished the sentence, "No fuckin' thank you."

"I could have done that already." He nodded, "Go."

"I don't know where the fuck I'm going."

"I just told you."

Michonne let out a frustrated sigh through her nose and pushed past both of them to take the lead on the mission with Carl at her heels. For a moment Rick and Negan both watched as she went and then Negan turned to Rick with an amused grin.

"I really like your lady."

Rick shook his head and marched on, prompting Negan and Simon to do the same.

"She is feisty," Negan went on.

"Keep talking," Rick threatened calmly, making Negan snicker to himself. He was tempted to ask, _and what?,_ but knew the numbers weren't in his favor if Rick or any of the others ever got sick of his wit.

The walk down Benedict Lane felt longer than a quarter of a mile, and it very well could have been. The chatter from the start of the walk had died out completely and left them drowning in the silence of a dead world.

Simon looked to Negan multiple times and scanned the woods on either side of them for signs of life. He wished he could somehow ask Negan questions privately but he knew that was impossible with the current group dynamic.

Negan felt the thudding of his heartbeat echoing in his ears. He looked back to see the distance they'd walked from the truck and just when he was about to call out Rick for misjudging the initial walk as a quarter mile, Carl's voice quietly interrupted his thoughts.

"Here it is." He pointed, hurrying toward the gravel that created an opening for the path Rick had informed him about.

"Where the house that's going to be set on fire?" Negan asked, "How far from the summit?"

Rick motioned off to the right as they entered through the path. "It's that way. Not far. Should draw the walkers away from the summit toward the house and leave the human Whisperers trapped so we can start picking them off."

Simon looked to Negan as Rick spoke and was pleased to see his comrade's nod of approval. The five of them crept slowly through the trees down the path that grew more narrow as they went.

Again, it wasn't long before silence took over and they were left with nothing but the sounds of whatever was left of the Virginia wilderness. Negan tried to judge it in his mind - how far they had walked but it wasn't as easy without a reference point. With the twists and turns of the path the road was no longer within an eye shot; it hadn't been for some time.

He looked around; he listened; he used all of his senses to the peak of their abilities.

"Stop." Negan looked around, whispering the word as he put up a hand. The others halted immediately, wrapped up in their own angst over the situation.

"What?" Michonne hissed back.

The five of them stood silently for a moment before Negan looked upward toward the trees, hearing the faintest tapping noises that hovered above them with consistency.

"Rain," Rick whispered. "It's starting to rain."

Simon and Michonne let out deep breaths at the same time and Negan nodded, confirming Rick's suspicions about the weather when he felt the first raindrop graze the side of his face.

"Look!" Carl spoke in a loud whisper, noting others from their group creeping through an adjacent path up the way.

"Good." Rick flagged them down, making eye contact for a moment before they marched on and joined forces.

Negan felt Simon tense up beside him but nodded up ahead to assure him it was alright. Their guns were raised; bodies tensed; eyes scanning their surroundings.

How much fucking farther? Negan wondered. He looked ahead for the summit Michonne has talked about but couldn't yet see it through the trees.

A gun cocking from behind him made him freeze and Simon slowly turned to look at Negan. The two of them were at the rear of the group and saw Rick, Michonne and Carl freeze at the same time. From behind Negan immediately recognized Beta's voice.

"Don't fucking move."


	120. Nine Lives

Simon, Rick and Michonne spun around immediately with their guns raised prompting Beta to press the end of the barrel against the back of Negan's head.

"Don't even fucking think about it," she hissed.

"He dies, you die," Simon vowed.

"And then _you_ die," Beta informed him coldly. "It's a lose-lose if anyone so much as presses a little extra hard on the trigger."

Everyone stood still for a moment, each heart beat thudding as rapidly as the next. Before anyone could think or move an ungodly boom rang through the air.

Negan was sure the gun had gone off and that the ringing that lingered in the depths of his eardrums was the final stinging pain before he took his final breath. When his eyes snapped open everything felt like it was happening in slow motion.

Rick, Michonne, Carl and some of the others further ahead had squatted into a ducked position while the barrel of the gun moved away from the back of Negan's head. It was about the same time that he smelled the initial burn of the fire that Simon's arm reached around the back of his neck and pulled him away from Beta.

"What the fuck..." Negan's voice was filled with confusion but his feet kept us as Simon forcefully continued to tow him in the opposite direction.

Another boom louder than the first made everyone duck again, this time prompting Carl to put his hands over his ears for a brief second before attempting to assume his original defensive position.

"Look!" Simon pointed, still dragging Negan away from where Beta was attempting to get herself together and come to grips with what was happening.

Negan glanced over his shoulder as a large black cloud of smoke hovered above an immense fire in the distance.

"Carol and Daryl!" Rick shouted, raising his weapon, "Start firing!"

Simon huffed a deep breath and Negan turned in time to see Beta's hands tighten back around her gun.

Bullets began to spray on both sides, prompting other members of the Whisperer group to emerge from hiding spots within the immediate wooded area.

"Motherfuckers!" Negan began to shoot, ducking behind a tree with Simon at his side next to Rick and the others.

Beta retreated, eying a collection of walkers that began to play directly into Rick's plan as they began to stumble toward the ever-growing fire.

"Get back!" she shouted, motioning to some of the others to evacuate the immediate area. Several Whisperers went down, dropping like dead trees as Beta rounded up whatever she could of her remaining crew. She looked toward her enemies amidst the violence and made eye contact with Negan. Both of them stared back coldly at one another before Beta scampered off away from the attack she had initially initiated.

"They're leaving," Michonne pointed out, breathing heavy.

"Come on." Rick waved an arm, "Forget about them. They don't have the numbers. Let's get to the meeting place and take out their bigger forces." He glanced at Negan, who did a great job at hiding the fact that he was still shaken by the gun being placed firmly at the back of his head.

"Let's go." Simon let out a deep breath and tried to smile at his friend, "Nine fuckin' lives."

Negan couldn't find humor in his words but began his march away toward the intended meeting point with the rest of them.

...

"How long do we have to stay down here?" Nina wondered aloud.

Marilyn picked up a rock and tossed it across the empty room, "I don't know." She imagined how horrendous it must have been for Negan to be stuck down in a similar room with no company, chained to a wall and no indication of when he would get out. It was awful to think about and she had to consciously shake off the images that were running through her mind.

"You okay?"

Marilyn raised her eyebrows as she snapped out of the daze she was in. "Yeah." She swallowed hard and then sighed before leaning back against the wall. "I wonder if Maggie had her baby yet."

"How long have we been in here?"

"I'm not sure."

Nina made a face as she thought. "I'd think she's probably had it."

"I hope they're safe," Marilyn confessed. "I mean we're down here because I'm pregnant... right?"

"I think so."

Both of them sighed at the same time and Marilyn looked down to place a hand on her stomach.

Nina half-smiled. "In six months that'll be you."

Marilyn smiled wide and then let out a light laugh.

"Did Maggie's reaction scare you?" her friend went on with a laugh.

She laughed another time. "I think in real life it would have... and yeah I guess it did a little." Marilyn smiled, "But this is going to be the one constant thing between the way things used to be an the way things are right now. It's going to be such a great thing in the middle of all this shit."

A big smile formed on Nina's face. "Now I think that's the most positive thing you've said about it since you've been knocked up."

Marilyn laughed and nodded. "I can't wait Nina."

The door opened and both of them rose to their feet. When Morgan entered Marilyn felt the tenseness inside of her relax.

"Morgan," she spoke quietly.

"Maggie had the child," he said, "I don't know why but I thought you should know. A boy... Hershel."

"That's... amazing," Marilyn gushed with a grin. "Are they both..."

"They're in good health."

"Good."

"Are they safe?" Nina asked, "I mean with everything that's going on?"

"They're secure." Morgan nodded once, never changing from a monotone voice. "We've been in contact with Rick."

Marilyn eyed him more directly. "What did he say?"

"There was gunfire... they got rid of some of the Whisperers."

"Is Negan... okay?"

Morgan nodded once. "Someone will be back with some food for you soon. You can come out if you'd like but it's probably best if you stay down here."

Marilyn knew it would be what Negan would want, and as bad as she wanted to leave the room they were in she knew she had to keep her word to Negan. "Yeah... we'll stay."

Morgan nodded again and then disappeared as quickly as he came. Marilyn took a moment to place herself in Maggie's shoes. She was an admirable woman; strong and independent. The fact that her husband was not around to be with her on such a rare and special day given their times made her heart feel heavy. Ultimately, Marilyn didn't know how she did it. She didn't know how she managed to go on with such strength and prowess.

She tried to focus on the good news. Negan was alive, they'd killed some of the Whisperers and Maggie and her baby were healthy. She just prayed that things would work out that Negan would still be around the day that she gave birth to their child.


	121. Tailspin

The day felt endless and Marilyn's original attempts to try to keep track of time had long since failed. She and Nina had talked about nearly everything - from their childhoods, to life at the Sanctuary to rattling off an endless number of baby names.

"I forgot about Gertrude," Nina said, breaking the silence as they wallowed in the time that felt like a never ending pit.

"Huh?" Marilyn glanced over at her friend in the dim lighting.

"Gertrude," she said again, this time smiling, "I think that's a perfect name for your baby."

Marilyn laughed lightly, immediately noting that Nina was kidding and nodded. "Yeah. If I have a girl it'll be Gertrude."

"Can't go back on your word now." She snickered and then sighed, resting the side of her face in her hand.

"I'm tempted to go up,"

"Do you think it's safe?" Nina asked.

"I haven't heard any commotion." Marilyn looked around the room and shook her head, "But I made a promise to Negan." She rose to her feet to stretch and then cracked her knuckles before sitting again.

Despite the fact that there was no clock in the room Marilyn swore she could hear a tick-tock in her mind that added to the never-ending feeling.

 _I feel like a kid on the last day of school waiting for summer to start,_ she thought.

Tick-tock... tick-tock... tick-tock...

Marilyn wrestled in her mind with what to do - to stay, to go... Her boredom and curiosity had begun to get the best of her, though finally the door that led to the outside swung open again and this time it was Tara who stared down at that with no intention of taking the small flight of stairs into the cellar.

"You can come up," she said dryly.

Marilyn and Nina hopped to their face, racing for the stairs and Marilyn asked first. "Are they okay?"

Tara nodded and turned away, leaving the door open and purposely failing to elaborate.

"Are the Whisperers dead?" Nina asked as they two of them hurried out the door and attempted to catch up.

"A lot," Tara replied shortly again without turning around.

"What about Simon?" she went on, "And Negan?"

"I wouldn't know for sure."

"You nodded when we asked," Marilyn pointed out.

"Oh, I thought you meant _my_ friends." Tara turned with a smirk, "They're fine."

Marilyn felt a combination of anger and angst brewing inside of her. She wanted to sit there and argue with Tara but could see that was what she wanted. On the same note, she wasn't wholly sure she would give her a straight answer about Negan and Simon's well being and so she pushed past her with Nina at her heels, secretly hoping to cross paths with Morgan in the process. Marilyn's eyes scanned the grounds of the Hilltop as the two of them paraded toward the front gates where two trucks were unloading.

Carol and Daryl exited one of the vehicles, dragging some equipment and weapons with them. Neither had a scratch from whatever events had taken place though it was hard to tell from either of their expressions how they felt about the mission. Marilyn knew they were the last two people who would want to speak with her, maybe after Tara, and so as they crossed paths she didn't speak and tried to ignore their icy stares.

"Help me lift him out." Rick's voice came from behind the first truck where the second one was unloading.

"Rick?" Marilyn rushed the rest of the way, focusing on Rick first as she stood tall in the bed of the pickup.

 _Help me lift him out?_ The words made Marilyn's throat tense up but almost immediately relief poured through her limbs and filtered into her body when she saw Negan squatted down near the truck's tailgate.

"Negan!" She ran up to him, not caring who was doing what or what anyone would think and threw her arms around him. A long, thankful sigh left her mouth and she bit down on her bottom lip as he hugged her back.

"Give me a minute doll," he said, pulling back while placing a hand on her cheek. He looked her in the eye for a moment, "Simon's a little banged up."

"Oh my God." Nina didn't hesitate and pushed her body up into the back of the truck.

Marilyn spun around and let her mouth drop open. "Simon." She whispered his name.

"Negan, help me!" Rick demanded, eyeing Nina a moment as she squatted down by his side.

"I'm... alright." Simon groaned, holding onto his left side with his right arm.

"What happened?" Nina asked him, shaking her head as tears fell from her eyes.

Simon clenched his jaw and let out another groan. "I fell."

"You fell?"

Negan jumped up into the bed of the truck as Michonne came to them with a board slightly longer and wider than Simon's frame. "This is going to eat shit Simon," Negan told him as she aided in getting it up into the truck.

"Yeah..." He closed his eyes and huffed the word, tears squeaking from the edges of his eyes from the pain. "Fuck."

"Nina get out," Negan demanded, "We have to get him out of the truck."

She took a breath and looked at Simon again but nodded and did as Negan instructed.

"He's going to need support on either side," Rick added, "Once we get him out."

"You need to be a tough son of a bitch," Negan looked at Simon and gave a confident nod, "Because this is going to hurt like a mother fucker."

Simon huffed several deep breaths behind clenched teeth.

"Ready?" Negan asked him, prompting Simon to nod. He looked up and made eye contact with Rick and squatted down behind Simon with his hands on his shoulders. Negan grabbed his legs. "Count of three boss?" He smirked at Rick for a fleeting second and Rick nodded.

"One... two..." Simon closed his eyes after Rick counted the first two numbers, "Three."

Negan and Rick raised Simon's body off the ground several inches, prompting him to shriek out a loud, drawn out, "Fuucck!" Before nearly crying from the pain. "Don't," he breathed the word, breathing heavily and wincing each time the breath was too deep.

"Gotta get you to the doc," Negan informed him.

"Maggie had her baby." Tara joined where they were all together at the truck and made Rick, Michonne and Negan stop what they were doing and face her.

"Is she..." Rick began to ask, but Tara's smiled calmed him down.

"She's doing great... the baby too."

"A boy?" Michonne asked.

Tara nodded and continued to grin. "Hershel."

Rick let a smile decorate his face and then glanced down at Simon, "Looks like you're second in line."

"Third," Tara corrected him, "The baby."

Rick looked back to Michonne. "Help us when we start to lift him off the truck."

Marilyn remained at Nina's side, who was trying her best to hold it together upon watching Simon in his painful condition. "He's going to be okay," Marilyn assured her.

"I hope so."

The two of them watched, neither able to keep a straight face as Simon hollered in pain time and time again as Negan and Rick struggled to get him out of the back of the truck on top of the board.

Nina finally lost it when Simon's painful laments reached new highs and Marilyn hugged her against her.

"Michonne." Rick nodded, prompting Michonne and then Nina to rush up and help to carry Simon at all four sides. Marilyn joined her friend to provide additional support.

"Let's just get him into the office in the main building," Michonne said to them, "Get him laying down and then we'll bring Dr. Carson to him."

"Sounds like a fuckin' plan." Negan nodded with approval.

On the count of three another time they lifted Simon from the ground. Marilyn glanced at Nina and it killed her to see her friend feeling what she was feeling. She could almost feel it herself; the empathy was awake and alive inside of her and she prayed that Simon would fully recover from his injuries.

The walk to the building felt like forever, though when they finally crossed through the open doors they placed Simon down as comfortably as possible.

"Shit... fuck..." Simon choked out the words and then repeated them among others in a repetitive cycle. "My body fuckin' hurts!" he shouted.

"You're going to be okay." Nina attempted to be optimistic and placed a hand over his as she kneeled down beside her.

"I'm going to see Maggie." Rick turned to go, "I'll tell Dr. Carson what happened." He glanced at Michonne who followed at his heels leaving Negan, Marilyn, Simon and Nina in the room together.

Nina ran her hand through Simon's hair and looked at him. "I'm sorry this happened to you Simon."

"What happened?" Marilyn whispered to Negan, placing a hand on his exhausted face.

"He fell off a little cliff." Negan's eyes scanned hers and never left.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded. "We fuckin' got them... a lot of them."

"When's this fuckin' guy coming?" Simon barked.

Negan switched his gaze to his friend. "Not long buddy. Fuckin' hang in there."

"Half my fuckin' bones are broken."

"The doctor is going to make it go away," Nina told him. She kissed his forehead and kept her hand on top of his.

"You're going to be alright," Negan assured him. He glanced over his shoulder to see if Dr. Carson might be coming down the main stairwell.

"We fuckin' won," Simon finally managed a half-smile.

"That's what we fuckin' do." Negan smiled back and Simon let his linger a moment before closing his eyes again.

A silence fell over them a moment and Negan reached for Marilyn's hand, pulling her to the side. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine," she assured him.

"Maggie had her kid."

Marilyn nodded. "They're both healthy."

Negan grazed her jawline with his fingers and then pulled her toward him and kissed her forehead, making Marilyn melt into him. She hugged him and closed her eyes when his arms wrapped around her. For a minute they just stood there together and Negan finally spoke. "I love you Marilyn."

"I'm glad you're back. I'm glad you're safe."

"This is going to end up the way it fuckin' should for you."

Marilyn opened her eyes and looked up at him. "For us."

Negan nodded, glancing down at her and then kissed her once.

The stairs creaked and the two of them watched as Dr. Carson took the staircase down to the first level and Negan waved him in.

"Broken bones?" the doctor suspected.

"I fuckin' need something," Simon choked out.

"I'll get some morphine-like pills to keep you comfortable," Dr. Carson told him. "I'll get a bed downstairs and I'll examine you."

"Thank you." Nina let out a deep breath.

Dr. Carson nodded. "Let me get the pills and I'll be right back."

The four of them were left alone again in the room and Negan looked at Nina as she still struggled to remain calm in the midst of the situation. "This is going to keep getting fuckin' better," he promised, "Simon's going to recover. The Whisperers are down for the fuckin' count."

"And Maggie had a healthy baby boy," Nina added, looking from Negan to Marilyn. She sighed and looked down at Simon again. "We're going to be okay." She was trying to buy into the notion despite their lives being in the midst of a wild tailspin with no telling exactly where they would land.

Negan put a hand on the back of Marilyn's neck and dug his fingers into her a bit, massaging the area. She leaned against him and rested her head against his chest. When she heard another creak from the hallway she assumed the doctor was returning with Simon's medicine, though Tara passed by and made eye contact with her. Almost immediately she looked away and kept on her walk past the room where the four of them were.

 _I hope we're going to be okay,_ Marilyn thought, _Please... please let us all have a happy ending._


	122. Jail House

"I'm going to take you back now." Rick entered the room where Dr. Carson had been in and out between his attention to Maggie and the baby and Simon.

Negan turned, recognizing he was speaking with him and before he could even speak Rick went on.

"It's not up for discussion."

"Back to Alexandria?" Marilyn asked.

"What about Simon?" Nina chimed in.

"You can stay," Rick informed her and then looked to Marilyn, "You can too if you want... or you can come." He glanced at Negan, "But it's time for you to go back."

"After what he did to help you today?" Marilyn asked, squinting her eyes at Rick in exasperation.

"The deal is still on." He waved a hand, "Let's go."

"No." She moved herself in between them, "Simon is hurt-"

"He's going to be fine," Rick insisted.

"But-"

"Marilyn." Negan interrupted her and then nodded, "It's okay."

She shook her head. "No."

Rick glanced a Negan a moment and watched as he took her by the hand. "Come on."

"Negan, it's not fair." Marilyn stared Rick down, "We need to stay with Simon. He's hurt."

"His injuries aren't life-threatening," Rick said again, "And _you_ can stay. Either way, he's coming with me." He nodded at Negan.

"Why does it have to be like this?" Marilyn asked, "You're all on the same side now."

"Not yet."

"Not yet?" She laughed cynically, "You needed him today... you needed both of them and now you're going to just send him back to a cold, dark cell?" Marilyn shook her head and glared at him, "You're such a fucking hypocrite."

Rick looked at her with hard eyes for a moment but spoke simply again. "Let's go."

Negan sighed, pleased with how adamantly Marilyn fought for him but he knew that the end to their journey would be a positive one if they played by Rick's rules for now. When he took a step in Rick's direction to follow him Marilyn pulled back on his hand.

"Negan, please." She felt tears weld up in her eyes again.

"We have to go baby." Negan looked into her eyes and gave a barely-there, pained smile, "Come with me."

Marilyn opened her mouth to speak but the lump in her throat prevented her from speaking as tears streamed silently down her cheeks. Without another argument she walked with Negan and Rick toward the door, glancing over her shoulder at Nina for a moment.

"I'm going to stay with him," she informed her friend, "Go... I'm fine as long as he's fine." Nina managed a smile and Marilyn nodded.

"Be careful Nina."

She nodded and gave a wave before the three of them disappeared out of the room.

Marilyn had an urge buried down deep to throw a punch at Rick as they walked, but she refrained. If Negan had agreed she had to go along with him but she also knew he would sacrifice anything for her safety. It both made her feel safe and nervous because he had put his own well-being on the backburner.

When they reached the truck Michonne was waiting in the driver's seat as Rick hopped in beside her.

Negan opened the back door, not speaking much on the short walk and used a hand to help her up into the vehicle ahead of him. He then settled in beside her and slammed the door, immediately tucking Marilyn under his arm as she leaned into him as they prepared for the ride back to Alexandria.

When the car started up she looked up at Negan, who was already glancing down at her.

"I don't want you to go back in the cell," she whispered to him.

Negan kissed her temple and tucked a hand inside the band of pants, giving her hip a squeeze. "I have to honey."

"Why? You worked together today." Marilyn attempted to speak quietly.

"We'll fuckin' talk later." He kissed her again and then leaned his head back, making eye contact with Rick in the rearview mirror before closing his eyes.

Despite the quiet nature of the ride and being in the comfort of Negan's presence in the back seat Marilyn felt a whirlwind of emotions brewing inside of her with anger taking the lead. In her down time that day at the Hilltop she had secretly gotten her hopes up that if the mission was a success that all could be forgotten; left in the past. To take on the Whisperers they would have to work together and if that didn't secure some time of bond then she didn't know what would. Apparently, Rick didn't feel the same.

On the ride every so often Negan would ask if she was okay, though other than that there was no conversation, mainly due to the lack of privacy between the two separate couples that still remained on opposite sides to some degree.

When the gates to Alexandria came into view Marilyn's chest grew tighter as she knew her time with Negan was coming to a close as day had since faded into night.

"I've got 'em." Rick nodded to Michonne, "I'll see you at the house."

She nodded back. "Be careful."

The two parted ways and Negan walked in the middle of Rick and Marilyn as they headed toward the cell that he had been calling home.

When Rick opened the first door, allowing them in ahead of him Marilyn let out a decompressing sigh. Negan ran a hand up and down her back in a soothing fashion before the three of them rounded the corner and Rick slid open the gate. He motioned with his hand and Negan entered, letting go of Marilyn's hand. Still, she followed him in and Rick locked the door, exchanging glances with both of them.

"I'll be back with some dinner after I get settled with Michonne and talk things over with her about everything that happened today." He looked at Marilyn, "You can stay for now but then you're back to your house."

She didn't reply because she knew the only words that would leave her mouth would potentially lead to an argument. Rather she stood side by side in silence with Negan until Rick eventually turned and exited the building.

Negan turned to Marilyn and smiled at her when they were left alone. "I love when you get all fuckin' fired up." He snickered but could see her mood was not about to alter any time soon.

"I hate this." She bit down on her bottom lip as the frustration she was feeling almost willed her to cry. "It's such bullshit."

Negan smiled wider and placed a hand on the side of her face before pulling her into a long hug. "It's only temporary doll. You and I will be back together soon."

"Unless they keep sending you on suicide missions on the front line."

"It wasn't a suicide mission," he assured her, running a hand up and down her back again as they stood there together. Negan kissed her forehead and then pulled back just enough to look her in the eye. "This was step one to establishing fuckin' trust."

Marilyn swallowed hard. "Did you kill Beta?"

Negan let out a breath, imagining their altercation and then shook his head. "She was out there but no. We killed a lot of them motherfuckers though. And Beta ain't shit."

"Was she gunning for you?"

He laughed, "You could say that."

Marilyn's eyes were wide with anticipation of some form of elaboration on his part but he didn't indulge in the details for her sake.

"We all crossed paths, guns were fired on both ends but she's still fuckin' standing... and so am I." He immediately switched gears. "Good news about Maggie and the baby."

She nodded. "Yeah. I was tempted to go up and see them but..." Marilyn shook her head and Negan towed her toward the small cot he'd been given to sleep on.

"Let me see that three-month bump baby." He smiled, finally getting Marilyn to laugh lightly for a moment and then raised her shirt partway as she laid down.

"Starting to show," she said to him, brushing his hair as he gently trailed kisses down her stomach.

"Now..." Negan kissed just below her bellybutton and stared up at her, "We're sure this isn't Simon's right?"

Marilyn laughed again, this time letting it linger and she shook her head. "I'm sure."

"Alright because if this kid comes out with a full mustache then we're going to have to have a talk." Negan grinned little wider and then moved up to kiss her firmly on the lips.

Marilyn wrapped her arms around him. "You know it's only you," she said quietly.

Negan whispered against her lips. "I know." He kissed her more forcefully this time and snaked a hand down her pants. "Can you still, uh..."

She laughed a midst another kiss she initiated and nodded. "Yeah."

"This jailhouse sex is kind of hot," Negan went on, prompting her to laugh again against him as he continued to pursuit her, "If there's one perk to this temporary fuckin' incarceration, that's it."

"Mmm..." Marilyn explored his mouth with her tongue and closed her eyes. "You make the shittiest situations better."

He smiled again, pleased to see Marilyn's demeanor change before responding the same way as before. "I know."

"Now take off your pants."

Negan gave a hearty laugh and kissed her once more. "Yes ma'am."


	123. Names

**Sorry for the long gap in between chapters! Been busy :)**

Marilyn sat alone in the oversized home that the people of Alexandra had offered to her and Nina. The world was quiet - more quiet than it had been since the world had become a sea of walkers, death and constant attempts at survival. There was no one attacking; no walkers inside the walls of the Safe Zone; no enemies to fight at that moment.

Nina was still at the Hilltop with Simon and Marilyn managed to get an update over the radio that he was stable. It was something that gave her a peace of mind amidst the loneliness. If nothing else, Marilyn trusted Dr. Carson and everyone who aided in his medical practices. She trusted him because he saved Negan when he could have just let him die; trusted him for the way he treated her during her checkups and for his instant accepting nature. Now, she trusted Simon in his care.

Marilyn put a tea kettle on in the dimly lit kitchen and took a deep breath as she leaned against the counter. She looked around the neatly put-together kitchen that still rang with a modern feel despite everything that had happened.

 _It's nice enough to be a model kitchen for a magazine_ , she thought. It was all too normal in a world that wasn't.

Marilyn sighed and drew her index finger around the top of the coffee mug she'd chosen from one of the upper, hanging cabinets to the left of the stove and tried to remain optimistic. The high from being with Negan had begun to wear off and the worried-riddled thoughts began to creep in. Negan was always there front and center in her mind when they weren't together. She found herself hoping he was comfortable and had enough to eat. Even though the cell he was in seemed sanitary and safe she couldn't completely feel comfortable with him spending twenty-four hours a day in there.

The loneliness made it easy for her mind to wander and so Marilyn shuffled through a few drawers before locating a piece of scrap paper and a dull-tipped pencil. On one half of the paper at the top she wrote GIRL and across from it on the right she wrote BOY. With a fleeting smile Marilyn underlined each word and then clutched the eraser end of the pencil in between her teeth.

 _Negan Jr._ Marilyn smiled and scribbled it down beneath the boy side and then an elbow on the counter as her mind began to search for baby names that might be a good fit for their child. For fun she wrote Nina under the girls side and then her mother's name - Maria. Following the same logic she wrote down her father's name - Vincent.

A knock at the door took Marilyn out of her temporary daydream of pleasantries that took her away from reality for a moment. She twisted her face in disapproval though simultaneously her curiosity peaked and she set the pencil down to answer the door.

When Marilyn flung the door open she felt a quick jolt of nervous adrenaline when she saw Tara standing there with her hands on her hips and a determined look on her face. Marilyn didn't know who she was expecting to see at the door but Tara wouldn't have been in her top list of guesses.

"Hi Tara." She swallowed and stepped to the side, motioning with her hand to enter the home.

Tara took the step up and into the house and walked ahead of Marilyn toward the kitchen as she closed the door at about the time the kettle began to whistle from the stove.

Marilyn trailed her in and watched a moment as Tara removed the tea kettle from burner and placed it on the next before turning the knob to the off position.

"Thanks," Marilyn said.

"You're nice and cozy in the big house, huh?" Tara motioned with her head toward the tea kettle before reaching toward an open box of tea bags on the counter.

"I'll make you a cup if you want."

"I got it," she insisted.

Marilyn waited, watching again as Tara made two cups of coffee before fixing her gaze for a second on the short list of baby names that Marilyn had jotted down. When she began to shake her head Marilyn couldn't bite her tongue.

"What Tara?" she shook her head back.

Tara raised her eyes and handed the cup of tea to Marilyn before sipping from her own mug. With a brief hesitation she spoke. "I just don't... I don't get it."

"What don't you get?" Marilyn asked genuinely.

"I'm going to assume that your personality wasn't _total_ bullshit," Tara said, "You were friendly... a hard worker..." She continued to shake her head, "How in the hell could you fall in love with a man like Negan? I just... I've thought about it and I just cannot wrap my head around it."

Marilyn raised her eyebrows, a bit taken off-guard but she answered Tara as honestly as possible. "He has treated me like I was his world since the moment I met him. He saved me from the walkers, took me in, gave me a room better than most, always made sure I had enough to eat and drink." Marilyn chuckled to herself, "He gave me sun screen when I was working outside."

"Yeah..." Tara looked back skeptically, "What'd you have to _do_ to get it.."

"I didn't have to do anything." Marilyn shook her head. "I didn't know him personally for a long time. My friends used to tease me too about it wondering why he treated me the way that he did but I didn't even know him."

When Marilyn didn't continue Tara couldn't help but ask. "So... why then?"

"I didn't really know at first. We kind of got stuck together during a bad storm. Part of a wall came down and there was some chaos but we were stuck inside. I asked him... he told me my genuine good nature reminded him of his wife."

"Which one? I heard he had several."

"His wife from before," Marilyn informed her, "Lucille. She was his wife before the world all went to shit."

"Lucille... of course."

"He had more lairs to him than most people know."

"Are any of his lairs not evil?" Tara folded her arms across her chest.

"He dedicated his world to me Tara." Marilyn shook her head, "I really don't know why he did. He got rid of the other wives, he protected me and took care of me... and now he's given up his freedom for my safety and for the safety of our child." She shook her head, "I know of the past between your group and ours. I know your people attacked our outpost first and I know that Negan did some awful things in retaliation for that... but we didn't even know your group existed until you attacked us. I knew some of those people too - the people you guys killed in their sleep at the radio building."

"They weren't like Glenn and Abraham."

"To you they weren't; but to us they were... some of them. You didn't know the men who died in that building that night."

Tara stared across the empty kitchen at Marilyn and took another sip of tea to break gaze.

"I'm sorry that I lied to you," Marilyn said sincerely, "I'm sorry I lied to Maggie. You probably don't believe me but it hurt me to do that to you once I got to know you. I had just lost my home, the only place that had given me safety and I thought I lost my husband. I had to come to the Hilltop to see if he was alive and when I found out he was it was like this giant piece of my heart that had broken off was suddenly mended. I had to save him. I love him and the reasons why will never be done justice through the way I've just explained it. I never thought that I would find love and have a child in this shitty world we're in but I have... and it's because of him." Before Tara could intervene Marilyn went on, "And I'm able to stay healthy and have my baby safely because of all of your - because you made the truce with Negan despite the awful past that exists between the two groups. _This_ is how the future will exist and peace will be made... by working together and focusing on the future. If we only dwell on the past there will be no progression."

Tara stood silently again for a moment and looked down at the paper again on the counter. "The future," she said with a nod.

Marilyn wrapped both hands around the mug, embracing the warmth in the chilly nature of the evening.

"Maggie had a boy," Tara went on.

"I heard."

Tara kept her eyes on the paper for a moment and then reached for the pencil, circling the name Vincent. She then tossed it down and looked back up to Marilyn. "Word of advice if you want to move forward... and progress..." She paused and shook her head, "If you have a boy don't name him Negan." Tara tapped on the second name in the list with her middle finger, "Vincent... Vincent I can accept. Vincent can fit in here."

Marilyn nodded and made eye contact with her again.

"Thanks for the tea." She raised her cup and went to walk by but Marilyn stopped her, stepping in the way of her path.

"You're welcome." Marilyn met her stare again. "I _really_ am sorry for deceiving you and Maggie."

"I just needed some answers is all," Tara replied. "And like I said... Vincent." She tipped up the corner of her mouth in the faintest of smiles before heading out of the kitchen toward the door.

Marilyn sensed Tara didn't want to be followed and so she listened to the front door open and close before smiling to herself and deciding to call it a night.


	124. Humanity

Marilyn sat upright on the table in Dr. Carson's office as he took her blood pressure a final time upon completing a routine exam.

"132 over 84," he informed her, removing the stethoscope from his ears and then the cuff from her arm.

"That's a little high, isn't it?" Marilyn asked.

"Nothing I'm concerned about," Dr. Carson told her, "You're several months into your pregnancy and let's face it, the conditions aren't exactly resembling a beach vacation." He smiled and Marilyn let out a sigh before smiling back. "And," he added, "For a typical patient prior to the outbreak I wouldn't be overly concerned about 132 over 84. It's just barely above the norm."

"Alright." Marilyn nodded, trusting him completely.

"I would let you know otherwise."

She smiled, "I know. Thanks Dr. Carson."

"You're welcome."

Marilyn took another deep breath and hopped down. "How's Simon doing?"

"Broken bones mostly. He'll be fine in time. No permanent damage I wouldn't think."

"Good." She looked down, placing a hand on her stomach and then back up to him. "I'm sorry if this is hard for you."

Dr. Carson pressed his eyebrows together in confusion though before he could speak Marilyn went on.

"I mean working with us after all that happened in the past. I hope you don't feel like you're caught in the middle."

He gave a half-smile and shook his head. "My number one priority has always been my patients. That's what I'm living for."

"That's more noble than most can say."

Dr. Carson shrugged. "I don't know that that's true. Maggie is living for her child; for the people of this community; for her family - dead and alive. Rick is living for Carl and preserve society - to rebuild. You're living for your future child," he paused and cleared his throat, "And for Negan."

Marilyn looked down again almost shyly. Even in Dr. Carson's presence she could feel the lingering tension, though his professional and cordial manner was more comforting still than almost anything. It wasn't purposely, but the past certainly wouldn't be forgotten or erased. Marilyn really couldn't blame him for having those feelings. Still, she acknowledged that he _did_ save Negan's life when he was on the brink of death, and at Rick's request no less. They were all connected by something bigger than themselves, she knew. It was what allowed them all to live amongst one another and help one another despite the awful events that led them to be enemies to begin with.

 _Humanity_ , Marilyn knew. It was their humanity that allowed it to happen. Despite the fighting and the death and wars that were fought over territory and power they were all still human at the end of the day striving to stay alive and move forward.

"How are Maggie and Hershel?" Marilyn asked after a short bout of silence.

"They're both doing just fine." Dr. Carson smiled more fully now, "More than fine... if that gives you peace of mind for your own pregnancy."

She shook her head. "I genuinely wanted to know. She's a woman like no one else I've ever met," Marilyn admitted, "I know what happened to Glenn." She shook her head but couldn't find the words to continue without preaching her side of the argument with the Saviors and the radio building. Marilyn knew it wasn't the time or the place and so she failed to press on with her words. Dr. Carson, too, didn't continue on with the conversation and so both of them stood for a moment in silence.

Marilyn finally cleared her throat again. "I wanted to thank for you for saving Negan. I don't know if I formally did. And again I'm sorry for you having to be in the middle-"

"I'm not in the middle," Dr. Carson cut her off, insisting again that it was his calling; his duty to help people. "I've always been a helper. I've always wanted to be the one in the big situation to stop the bleeding." He smiled and there was almost a twinkle in his eye as he spoke. "My purpose in life has never changed, even after the outbreak. This is what I do... for everyone."

"Well, you're a life saver," Marilyn expressed genuinely, "Literally. In every way you can imagine. You're a good person and you're saving my child." She could tell he was a man who was uncomfortable with praise and so she decided to excuse herself to reduce his mild bout of anxiety, "Well, I guess I'll be back in a few weeks."

"Yes." Dr. Carson perked up again and he smiled cordially. "Soon you may be able to find out the baby's gender... and then you can move on to choosing names."

"The fun part," she said back.

"Of course."

Marilyn nodded and held out a hand. "Thank you... again."

"It's my pleasure." Dr. Carson shook her hand and then Marilyn carefully made her way out of the room.

As she made her way down the stairwell she looked around the front foyer of the Hilltop's main building. What once had been a tense, emotional space was now comforting and semi-normal. The angst she'd once felt from tip-toeing down the hardwood floors, sneaking down to see Negan in the basement and again when they escaped felt foreign - like it had all taken place somewhere completely different.

 _So much time has passed_ , she thought to herself. When Marilyn's feet reached the bottom step she looked around the nearly empty building before making her way back outside. A part of her wanted to see Maggie and her child, but she told herself she wouldn't go looking. Despite Maggie's polite exterior and genuine attempts to make her feel included she knew there was a part of her that had to feel resentment in ways that were even stronger than what Tara had outwardly expressed. She _had_ to. Marilyn was thankful that she didn't let it show, because unlike Tara she knew Maggie truly could have the ability to break her in some way if she ever did lash out her true feelings. It was Marilyn's empathy to her situation that made it all the more intense in her mind.

 _Stop thinking about it_ , Marilyn told herself.

"Marilyn!" Nina shouted and waved before running up to where her friend stood. Immediately the two exchanged a hug and Marilyn realized how much she needed the gesture from her. It wasn't fake warmth, it was real - the way two friends or family members would hug. Aside from Negan, Nina was the only one who made her feel so completely at ease, comfortable and at home.

"How's Simon?" Marilyn squeezed Nina hard and then finally let go.

"He's doing better but in tons of pain still." She gave a guilty face, "I didn't mean to ditch you at Alexandria."

"No!" She shook her had, "You need to be here with Simon."

"You're pregnant."

"And glowing." Marilyn managed a smile, making Nina do the same. "Simon needs a good woman in his life to take care of him right now."

"Do you know the sex of the baby yet?"

"Not yet." She shook her head, "Maybe by my next check up."

"I better be the first to know after you tell Negan."

"You will be... maybe even before him if he's not allowed to come with me."

Nina scrunched her nose in disapproval. "They better let him out for that."

"Where's Simon?"

"We're staying temporarily in that trailer over there." Nina pointed to the place where Marilyn had been staying prior to breaking Negan free of the Hilltop and swallowed hard. She glanced at the box that sat on top of the tunnel's entrance and a shudder went down her back that she easily disguised as she relived the moment of escape in her mind for what felt like the one-hundredth time.

"That's nice," she said simply, "That they gave you a place."

"Trailer park, woot woot!" Nina raised her hands over her head and they shared a laugh. "Can you stay for dinner here or are you heading back?"

"Rick brought me," Marilyn informed her, "So when he says jump I say how high... ya know?"

Nina rolled her eyes but smiled, "Fuck that guy."

She laughed and decided to play on the joke. "No thanks."

Nina laughed louder. "I didn't mean it like _that_... unless maybe it would get Negan out sooner or something."

Marilyn continued to chuckle, "I'm not sleeping my way to the top of Alexandria."

"Marilyn!" A male voice shouted and the two of them turned.

"There's your boy now," Nina teased, nudging Marilyn.

Rick waved a hand and Marilyn turned to her friend with a look before breaking out into another short laugh and giving her a final hug. "See ya soon."

"Not soon enough," Nina told her. "Are you sure you're okay all by yourself?"

"Yeah." Marilyn nodded, "Take care of Simon. I'll be back in a few weeks. Keep a look out for me."

"Of course." Nina leaned in and hugged her again. "Take care of yourself Marilyn."

"I will." She gave a wave and headed to where Rick stood with his arm leaned on the front of a truck. For whatever reason Marilyn left the Hilltop that day with a positive vibe.

 _We're all human_ , she reminded herself. _We're all human._


	125. Surprise

When Rick drove the truck all the way down the road and stopped it in front of the house Marilyn was staying at she glanced over at him.

"I could've gotten out at the gates."

"It's fine. You're pregnant."

"Well... thank you." Marilyn let out a deep breath through her nose and nodded.

"Yep." Rick glanced out the front window and waited a moment. When Marilyn didn't immediately get out of the car he finally turned to look at her.

"I, uh..." She cleared her throat. "I just wanted to say thank you... for everything."

He squinted his eyes and gave the slightest of nods before looking back out through the windshield.

Marilyn couldn't shake the feelings to thank the people of the Alexandria and Hilltop communities. After all the fear and the anger wore off a sincere feeling of gratitude had sunk in. While Marilyn hated that Negan was still in the jail cell she knew there was a light at the end of that tunnel. He wouldn't be there forever, and that was something she could look forward to.

Rick hadn't batted an eye when it came to providing them shelter, giving them supplies and allowing them to contribute to the ways of the communities even with the blood past. Now that the other heightened feelings had dulled a bit, Marilyn could accurately see the monumental nature of his actions. She knew that Negan had been right about his decision all along.

"I know..." She wasn't sure how to word things with Rick. Speaking with him or with Maggie had proven to be a difficult task for Marilyn. "...you could have turned us away, or went back on your word after Negan killed Alpha, but you didn't. You're sharing your medical supplies and your food." Marilyn took a deep breath, "I don't know what would have happened to me in this condition if you hadn't agreed to take us in... _all_ of us. And I know the decision couldn't have been easy, especially when you have a whole community that looks up at you."

Rick turned back to Marilyn. "Sharing... working together... it's what I've wanted all along. It's what I've always wanted. The Saviors..." He paused and shook his head, not wanting to go on a tangent that would lead them both down a dark, painful memory lane. "This is how we operate. This is what is going to pave the way for the next generation... and the next... and the next."

Marilyn cleared her throat. "I know. I just want you to know that I'm grateful. I haven't been completely fair to you with the way I've acted and I'm sorry."

He waved a hand in place of saying 'that's alright'. "When did Dr. Carson ask for you to go back?"

"About three weeks."

"Alright."

Marilyn finally popped the handle, seeing that Rick was visibly uncomfortable as they spoke. Still, she was glad she was able to get it out while she was in the mood to be honest and open. "Thanks."

"Yep," he said again and watched a moment as she exited the vehicle.

Marilyn made her way around the front of the truck and hurried up the stairs of the porch and glanced over her should once before opening the door.

Rick waited until she was inside before putting the truck in reverse and heading back down the road.

...

Marilyn sat with a book in her lap on top of a checkered, wool blanket and had done a great job at distracting herself for the better half of an hour. For the first time in awhile she truly felt at ease. Between speaking with Tara the night before, visiting Dr. Carson and expressing herself to Rick she felt truly content.

A knock at the door made her eyebrows raise and Marilyn hesitated before folding over the top of the page she was on to hold her place in the book. She then placed in neatly on the coffee table in front of the couch and carefully made her way to the door. A simple knock wasn't at all what it used to be because Marilyn never knew who would be there when she flung it open or what type of mood or message they would have for her on the other side. Answering the door had turned into a tense guessing game.

Because the day had long since winded down and Marilyn knew she could go to sleep without a heavy thought she felt even more anxious as she turned the knob and flung it open.

Negan stood with a smirk on his face, appearing to be pleased with himself for leaving her mild suspense.

Marilyn laughed lightly, shocked to see him and for a moment she couldn't bring herself to move before finally she rushed through the open door and hugged him so hard that he stumbled back.

He chuckled against the side of her face before stringing kisses along her cheek before finding her lips and kissing her several times in a row. "Hey doll."

She felt her eyes weld up with tears but couldn't keep herself from laughing she looked directly into his smiling eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"You weren't expecting some other guy were ya?"

Marilyn responded to his question by kissing him more enthusiastically and in a break in their longer embrace Negan pulled back with a bigger grin.

"Can I come in?"

She almost couldn't speak - she could only smile and grabbed his hand before towing him inside.

"How are you here?" Marilyn hugged him back against her and closed her eyes when he dropped his lips to her neck and then moved them up to her ear to speak.

"I get to come see you once a week, remember?" Negan explained, amusement still ringing in his voice, "What'd you do to get Rick in such a good mood?" He pulled back to look at her again and winked, making her laugh.

"I thanked him."

Negan crinkled his nose and continued to tease her. "Must've been some fuckin' thank you."

"Stop." Marilyn swatted him but kissed him again. "God... this day just keeps getting better."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She grinned, "I got a check up today with Dr. Carson. I had a heart-to-heart with Tara and then another one with Rick. I got to see Nina and she said Simon is doing okay." Marilyn wrapped her arms around him. "I can't believe you're here."

"How did things go with the doc?." Negan asked.

"Great. I go back in a few weeks. I might be able to find out if the baby is a boy or a girl then."

He smiled wide and drew his finger across her stomach. "As long as you're fuckin' healthy, and the kid's healthy..." Negan nodded to himself and looked back up to her

"All is on point so far." Marilyn kissed him again and let out a content sigh.

He glanced around the first floor of the home. "I can't lie this shit is more suitable than the Sanctuary." He smiled and pointed to where a small light was on in the corner of the room that illuminated the wool blanket on the couch. "Reading?"

"Yeah." She nodded and laughed lightly again before putting a hand on the side of his face. "Are you hungry?"

Negan nodded and then smiled as he looked her up and down.

"I was talking about food," Marilyn said with a laugh.

"Oh, I know you were." Negan continued to purposely check her out and then winked again.

Marilyn couldn't keep a smile from her face as he pulled her to him and kissed her with more enthusiasm that left both of them breathing heavy.

"Do you mind making me a nice, warm meal honey?" he asked, "I wouldn't mind taking a fuckin' shower and I'd typically demand that you join me but-"

Marilyn kissed him once more solidly on the lips, cutting him off. "Spaghetti okay?"

"Fuck yeah it is." Negan kissed her again. "I'll be back down in a few minutes."

"Take your time," Marilyn told him. When he pulled her back to him playfully she changed her mind, "Or... don't take your time. Hurry back."

"Mmm..." He kissed her once more before reluctantly heading up the stairs as Marilyn made her way into the kitchen.

The lonely nature of the house had suddenly vanished and was filled with a genuine warmth that Marilyn couldn't get enough of. Negan's presence had turned the good day into a great one and only he could fill that void for her. It was almost overwhelming. Each time she saw his face it was the like falling in love with him all over again, especially now that their time together was few and far in between. The moments they had together she never took advantage of and that night would be no exception.

Marilyn pulled out an oversized pot and filled it with water before getting the works together to make a big portion of spaghetti for the two of them. She felt anxious for Negan to walk back through the open doorway that led into the kitchen and felt compulsive for checking the clock on the wall every minute. The water boiled, the pasta began to soften and Marilyn almost decided to head upstairs but she heard Negan's footsteps as he took the stairs down to the first level. A moment later he appeared in the doorway, making her laugh at the fact that he only sported a towel around his waist.

"Dinner's almost ready," Marilyn explained, eagerly taking in his appearance and looking him up and down the way he had with her before.

Negan looked down and back up, sliding his tongue across his teeth as he gave his typical Cheshire-cat like grin He nodded toward the stove, "Better tend to that spaghetti."

She smiled and turned around part way to stir the pot. Marilyn felt Negan approach where she stood and she couldn't control the sigh that left her mouth when strung an arm around her waist and kissed the area just beneath her ear. She closed her eyes and placed a hand over his.

"I love when you eye-fuck the shit out of me," he whispered directly against her ear.

Marilyn lightly moaned a response back, only opening her eyes when she heard a click as Negan turned the burner off on the stove. He reached a hand down the front of her shirt, engulfing her breast and beginning to nibble on her earlobe as he slid the only hand down the front of her pants.

"I thought I could wait it out," he told her, not stopping what he was doing, "But I just simply cannot fuckin' control myself around you honey."

"Mmm... that makes two of us."

"How fuckin' comfortable is that couch in there?"

Marilyn only turned when he removed his hands from her and immediately she crushed her lips to his. "Comfortable enough," she choked out in a break in their kiss before allowing him to pull her into the next room where he sat and pulled her down on top of him.

"Shades fuckin' pulled?" Negan asked, as he pawed at her clothing, "Not that I really give a fuck," he admitted.

Marilyn ridded herself of her shirt and pants with ease before finally asking him a question that had been in the back of her mind since she'd seen him standing there on the porch. "How long do you have with me?"

"Twenty-four hours." Negan aggressively pulled her chest toward his face and closed his eyes as he took the center of her breast in his mouth.

Marilyn moaned a little louder and lowered herself down onto him upon undoing the towel that was still around his waist. When he let out a pleasure-filled groan, his hands tightened around her waist.

"All we're missing is a fuckin' fire in the fireplace doll," he whispered with a laugh before easily getting drawn back into the moment when Marilyn kissed him hard.

Marilyn moaned against his lips at the same time as Negan moaned into hers, her emotion willing her to match his intensity.

Each new experience with Negan left Marilyn with the same thought each time: _this is the best day of my life._


	126. Romantic

"I feel like this is the end of Sixteen Candles," Marilyn said with a laugh as she twirled spaghetti in the dimly lit kitchen.

Negan sat across from her, grinning and placed a hand over hers before she could take a bit so he could feed her himself. "I've never been good at the romantic shit," he admitted, continuing to grin as she accepted the bite from his fork.

"Well..." She finished the bite of spaghetti and drew a hand across lips before continuing, "I've never eaten dinner naked at midnight in a candle-lit room. You get the number one spot in the book of romantic shit in my life."

Negan chuckled and motioned to the wool blanket around her, "You're not totally naked there doll."

Marilyn smiled back and took another bite, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, I know you have a hard time controlling yourself so..."

He laughed a little louder.

"I wish you could stay here for good," she told him.

"I'll be able to soon."

"I know, but-"

"Enjoy tonight doll." Negan winked, "Because I certainly fuckin' am."

Marilyn sighed and smiled back.

He pushed his plate of food across the table and rounded it to sit in the chair beside her. "If you get fuckin' sad on me-"

"I'm not." Marilyn cut him off and gave a genuine smile.

"Good." Negan leaned in and touched his lips to hers, kissing her several times in a row. "You taste like spaghetti sauce."

She laughed again, continuing to kiss him as he grabbed her feet and swung them up so they rested on his lap. "I fucking love you," she whispered to him.

Negan smirked and twirled some more noodles around the fork and fed her another bite. "I need to fuckin' fatten you up so my kid gets enough to eat."

Marilyn laughed, attempting to swallow the bite while giggling from his comment. He laughed with her and the allowed her to reciprocate, feeding him a bite from her bowl.

"Well... I guess it wasn't so bad that Simon got hurt," he joked, "Empty house."

She gave him a look and Negan laughed again.

"I'm just fuckin' kidding... sort of."

"Sort of." Marilyn grinned and rested an elbow on the back of his chair, allowing him to keep feeding her bites until his bowl was empty. She then pushed hers toward him and Negan finished off the rest of the food. "There's more," Marilyn reminded him, motioning to the stove.

"I'll get seconds of that after I get fuckin' seconds of you honey."

Marilyn smiled as he kissed her again. "Is that all ya want me for?" she teased, prompting him to pull back and look at her. She laughed lightly again and placed a hand on his cheek and whispered, "I'm kidding."

"Well now I think I'm going to hold out on you," he teased back, still grinning. When Marilyn leaned in to kiss him again he playfully pulled back.

"You're going to hold out huh?"

Negan nodded as he slid a hand up toward her knee.

"Hmm..." Marilyn slowly slunk out of the top of the blanket that was still wrapped around her and Negan's eyes dropped to her bare chest. When he smirked and regained eye contact Marilyn couldn't help but giggle.

He nodded and then held a hand out as he began to stand up.

"Change your mind?" Marilyn asked as she removed her feet from his lap.

Negan continued to hold his hand out, failing to respond with anything other than a grin. When Marilyn reached for his hand he pulled her back to him and kissed her more forcefully before scooping her up off the ground.

"Let's see if I can fuckin' carry you up the stairs after adding all that baby weight," he teased, making her laugh louder.

Marilyn wrapped her arms around the back of his neck as he crossed through the living room and headed up the staircase with ease. "See, that wasn't so hard," she said as they reached the top floor.

Negan laughed, "I have a great fuckin' response to that but I'll bite my fuckin' tongue... since I'm being romantic and shit." He kissed her again before setting her down on the bed.

Marilyn pulled her on top of him and kissed him a little harder.

"This is better than the fuckin' jail cell huh?" Negan asked.

She smiled against his lips. "The jail cell was kind of kinky."

"That was a fuckin' first for me." Negan laughed as he spoke, "You took my jail cell virginity."

Marilyn laughed, "Well, I'm honored." She kissed him as he gently pulled up on the backs of her legs to settle himself in between them. "This big, comfortable bed _is_ a little better though." Marilyn kissed him another time, "I still prefer the Sanctuary."

"This is fuckin' better," he whispered before trailing kisses down her neck.

"I'd give anything to go back there," she whispered back as he continued what he was doing.

Negan strung kisses across her collar bone and then repositioned his face above hers. "I promise you," he told her quietly, "You'll learn to love this fuckin' place just like you did there."

"It's not home."

"This _is_ home now Marilyn."

Marilyn scrunched her nose and Negan moved his hands up to lock them with hers as he pinned them above her head. For a second he stared at her and Marilyn finally cracked a smile after assuming what he was going to say.

"I know," she said, squeezing her fingers against his, "No sad stuff."

"That," Negan agreed with a smirk, "And anywhere with you is fuckin' home doll. Especially now."

Marilyn let her smile fade for a moment and swallowed hard. She looked up at him. "You're right."

"I'm always fuckin' right." Negan winked, attempting to keep the moment light. He leaned down and kissed her.

"I know," she whispered back. "You were right about this place."

He smirked again and repeated her phrase, "I know."

Marilyn smiled and relaxed again.

"Now..." Negan began kissing down her stomach and glanced up toward her, "No more sad shit... lay back at relax honey." Marilyn closed her eyes and smiled to herself as he trailed his lips beneath her belly-button and chuckled against her, "And don't be afraid to be fuckin' vocal. We got this giant fuckin' house to ourselves."


	127. Fifteen Minutes

Negan was wide awake in the middle of the night as he typically he had all day long in the cell to do nothing but lay there.

Marilyn had since gone to sleep and he had pretended to be so she wouldn't try to stay awake for his sake. He knew her all too well.

The emotional nature of the moment hadnt hit him until the world was quiet and he was left with nothing but his thoughts and Marilyn's constant, peaceful breaths beside him. It was something he had taken advantage of once upon a time when it was given to him so easily.

When Rick had allowed him out of the cell that night his initial thought was surprising Marilyn and getting a comforting night of sex, food and a comforting place beside her. Negan had underestimated all of it and now that he has time to process it all he felt a heaviness in his chest. Soon there would be three of them - a child in the midst of the craziness; in the midst of the killing and the death that he had become so comfortable with.

He turned at Marilyn who slept on her side facing him. Negan knew she loved him more than either of them could ever put into words. Out loud he would never confess it in front of other people, but he cherished Marilyn like no other living person on left in existence. She was one of the great people in his lifetime. She was just like Lucille had been only this time he was man enough not to fuck it up.

Negan wanted to wake her up. He wanted to catch up with what her daily life was like without him; to ask how she was feeling day to day and if she felt all that was offered to here was enough. He could tell in her body language and the fact that she was sleeping so soundly that she was safe. And for that he regretted every savage act he had once taken against Rick's group - even if he knew at the time he'd had no choice. They were here for him now, and more specifically for Marilyn. Despite their ill feelings for him, Negan loved each and every member of the community for that and he was thankful.

He let out a sigh and glanced at Marilyn again before gently leaving a kiss on her cheek as she slept so contently beside him.

Marilyn didn't open her eyes but her hand grazed his shoulder and she begged for confirmation even in her semi-conscious sleepy state. "Negan?"

"I'm right here baby," he whispered.

"Are you cold?" Marilyn shuddered subconsciously promoting Negan to kiss her on the forehead and pull her a little closer for a moment.

"I'll close the window," he told her, proceeding to get out of bed.

Marilyn took in a deep breath through her nose and then let her eyes flicker open. She watched a moment as Negan rounded the bed. "Where are you going?"

He smirked and then squatted down next to her side of the bed. "You said you were cold doll. I'm just closing the window."

"I did?" Marilyn rolled over to face him.

Negan chuckled. "Yeah... just now."

Marilyn smiled from his amused expression. "Sorry," she whispered.

Negan leaned in and kissed her and draped an arm across her mid section. "Are you happy?"

The smile on her face remained. "Now that you're here. Yes."

"Have they been giving you enough to eat?"

"Well I'm a little fatter since you've seen me right?" She teased, making Negan chuckle.

"I just want to know you're okay while I'm in there," he said, referencing the jail cell.

"The only part of me that isn't okay is my mind." Marilyn let out a sigh and closed her eyes. "I hate knowing you're in there."

Negan ran his hand down to touch her barely-there baby bump. "I can't fucking wait for this shit."

Marilyn smiled and let her eyes flicker open. "Me either. You want a boy huh?"

Negan chuckled. "Honestly... I don't give a fuck. I want you and the kid to be fucking healthy and that's all I give two shits about."

Marilyn looked at him in an adoring way that she couldn't mask. "I wish everyone could see you the way I do."

He tipped his mouth up in a smirk. "I don't. Only you need to see me like this... all fuckin' sappy and shit. I need the rest of the world to fear me."

"Why?"

"Because honey... I only need one person to fuckin' love me and it makes up for all the rest."

Marilyn snickered and looked him in the eye as he still squatted beside the bed. "You know how to charm the pants off a lady talking like that."

Negan chuckled but shook his head. "For once that's not my fuckin' intent."

She drifted one hand over his and then initiated a short series of kisses. "I love you Negan."

"I love you too." He kissed her again. "Now let me get this fucker closed so you can sleep without being cold." Negan rose to his feet and proceeded to pull the hefty wooden frame down over the screen in the window and then glanced down at her. "I may go help myself to another plate of fuckin' pasta."

"Oh yeah... the leftovers..."

Negan leaned down and kissed her another time. "Save my place for me."

"Always." Marilyn wrapped an a around him for a moment, kissing him several more times in a row before Negan slowly shuffled out of the room to head downstairs to the kitchen.

The whole nature of the evening was almost surreal and it wasn't until he was thrown back into the Life he craved with Marilyn that he realized how shitty it was in the cell.

Negan wanted that comfortable life with Marilyn more than he had ever wanted it before. He was tired, getting old and now that they were thrown into the situation he was ready to be a father. He assumed the reality of it wouldn't hit him in the face until the baby was quite literally crying in front of him, though he knew deep down now that he wanted it. For the first time ever he truly wanted to know what his child would look like, if it would be born a boy or a girl, if he or she would have Marilyn's eyes and his dimples.

It was almost too much to fathom on the short walk down to the kitchen and so when he got there, Negan reached for a fork on the table that they had failed to put away earlier in the night and plunged it down into the cold pasta in the pan on top of the stove.

It didn't matter that the spaghetti was cold. Any bite of a good, hearty meal was appreciated considering the circumstances. He overindulged in the meal Marilyn had prepared hours before and relentlessly scooped up mouthful after mouthful of the pasta until the pot was empty.

"Fuck." He whispered the word to himself and opened the refrigerator pleased to find a single bottle of unopened beer as if it was made just for him. Knowing Marilyn couldn't drink it anyway he reached for the beverage, piping the top and taking a swig so long that nearly half of the bottle was now empty. Negan let out a loud burp and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then let out a sigh of approval. If there was such thing as recharging your batteries, Negan knew this was it. Simultaneously he knew it would make going back to the jail cell all the more difficult but he didn't care - not when he knew this lifestyle would be the light at the end of the tunnel.

Negan took another sip from the bottle of beer and leaned against the counter. He took a moment to appreciate the quiet and then decided he would wash the pan that Marilyn had use to cook the pasta in so she wouldn't be burdened with it later.

A hefty knock at the front door made Negan stop what he was doing. For a moment he just stood there in the darkness, pausing for a second before another set of knocks came in a polite, loud fashion.

He swallowed hard and set the pan down in the sink before making his way toward the front door. Negan knew Marilyn must've fallen back to sleep as she hadn't heard the knocks. He knew if she had that she would have called out for him.

When Negan reached the door he hauled it open, not one for suspense, and when he came face to face with Rick he felt a wave of disappointment.

"The Whisperers are on their way back," Rick said simply. He never looked away from Negan's stare.

"Back here?"

"Back toward the direction of the three communities," Rick confirmed. He took in his attire that was made up of nothing more than black boxer-briefs, "Get dressed. Get your shit together and meet my in the center of town in fifteen minutes."

"Negan?" Marilyn shouted from the second floor and he glanced over his shoulder.

"I'll be up in a minute," he shouted back.

"Morgan is staying back," Rick explained, "She can go to his house so she's not alone. He's two down from here."

Negan nodded, knowing he would insist that Marilyn make her way down there. He knew of Morgan and had even heard Marilyn speak of his loyalty and genuine nature in the past. "Alright."

"Fifteen minutes."

"You have a gun or two for me?"

"At the gates."

"And do I get my additional time with Marilyn when I get back."

"Twenty four hours," Rick confirmed with a nod, "Consider it overtime."

"Fuckin' fair enough." Negan nodded.

"Fifteen minute," Rick repeated.

"I'll see you then."

Negan slowly closed the door as Rick turned away and then he climbed the stairs to find Marilyn standing in the doorway of their bedroom.

"Where are you going?" she asked him.

"The Whisperers are heading back this way," he replied, "These people have some good fuckin' insight." Negan smiled but he could see the wave of disappointment that covered Marilyn's face. She couldn't attempt to hide it.

"Another fight?"

"Should be simple."

"It never is." She shook her head and then slowly made her way back to the bed, sitting down on the edge before slumping her face into her hands. Without warning she began to cry and Negan made his way to sit beside her.

"I get an extra few hours with you because of this."

"I fucking hate it," Marilyn said to him, "I hate this. All of this. Why do you have to go? This is your time with me. You earned that. You made a deal with Rick."

"It'll get me some extra time with ya honey." Negan tried to make her feel at ease though he could see it wasn't working.

" _If_ you even make it back."

"Don't I always."

"You're human." Marilyn shook her head, "I don't want you to go. Tell him you can't go, Negan. Please."

"I have to," Negan informed her, "This is no different than going out on missions with the people of the Sanctuary."

"Yes it is."

"It's not."

"Do you think I'm that naïve?" she asked him.

"No." Negan shook his head. "I don't. I'm not trying to pull the fuckin' wool over your eyes. I know it's dangerous," he acknowledged, "But it's not more dangerous than when you and I first started carrying on."

"And I was worried about you then."

"I know." He smiled and kissed her forehead. "I know honey."

"I want tonight with you. Just tonight. Is that too much to ask of Rick?"

"Yes," Negan admitted, "But in return I get another full night with you and then some."

Marilyn swallowed hard and shook her head. "I hate this."

"I'm a fighter Marilyn. This is what I do. It's been what I have done since the beginning. It's how I've survived." He forced her to look at him, "If I get rusty it won't be good. I need to stay active. I'm fuckin' good at this shit."

She let out a sigh. "Why tonight?"

"So I can reset the clock and have some extra time with you. I'll earn it." Negan brushed her cheek with his fingertips and then kissed her firmly on the lips. "I fuckin' love you. You're a strong woman... stronger than me because I wouldn't be able to live with you going out there."

"I can't live with _you_ going out there."

Negan winked at her and smirked, "Yes ya can. You've done it before. That's why you're fuckin' stronger than me."

She felt tears stream down her face thought she kept her voice steady. "It's not fair."

"I know, he agreed, "But when I come back I'm going to give you the best damn mother fuckin' full body massage, cook you a meal you'll never forget and fuck your brains out so hard that you'll forget this part of the night ever happened."

Marilyn smiled for a brief second but then shook her head. "Just... come back Negan. That's all I want. I don't care about the rest."

He kissed her. "But you're going to get it... if you want it."

She swallowed hard. "Come back."

"Always honey." Negan kissed her on the lips again. "Always."


	128. Six More

Marilyn watched from an upstairs window as Negan headed down the dark Alexandria road alone. She remained against the window sill with a hand subconsciously pressed against the pane until she could no longer see him as he blended in with the shadows of the earliest hours of the morning.

For days and weeks she attempted to remain strong, pushing past her own comfort zones to stay grounded and level-headed despite the wildly uncertain circumstances. At that moment she had nothing to hide because no one was there. The house was dark; empty; quiet. It was almost as if the madness of the world didn't exist. While that typically could be seen as peaceful it only made Marilyn feel more alone.

She slowly made her way back across the room toward the bed. Her entire body felt heavy, like weighted chains were attached to her arms and legs. Marilyn wanted to show herself that she was strong. She hated crying though had done more of it in the months since becoming pregnant than she'd done in a lifetime. With that she let herself go - let the tears fall in reckless waves that willed her into the fetal position on the bed with her face pressed partially into the pillow where Negan had been sleeping.

Marilyn cried. She thought so fiercely in depth of all the possibilities and even her occasional rational thought that reminded her that Negan had been in that situation a number of times couldn't bring her out of the mood. She needed to cry because inside she felt so deeply that at that moment he should have been beside her. He should have gotten his second helping of food and made his way back into bed with her where they could sleep engulfed in one another for as many hours as Negan was allowed.

 _Save my place for me_ , he had said - a promise Marilyn would never go back on. She craved his presence like nothing else and so when he was suddenly at her doorstep late at night only to be taken away again into another dangerous situation it left her with a rollercoaster of emotions that came out in a flood of tears.

"Please look after him," Marilyn whispered amongst the sobs, linking her hands together in a quiet prayer. She pressed her eyes shut tight, squeezing the stinging, hot liquid from each of them as she continued to speak aloud. "Don't let him get hurt. Don't let him die. Not now, please. Please... not now."

Marilyn almost felt paralyzed, like she couldn't move from the spot. When a knock at the door came it took her a moment to snap out of it. For several seconds she laid there until the knocking became more urgent.

She knew there was no masking the fact that she had been crying and was annoyed that someone was interrupting her need to spill out all of her emotions into the pillow in the empty bedroom. Still, she quickly made her way down the stairs and to the front door. For the second time that night Negan stood there on the porch and she looked at him in disbelief.

"What are you-"

He took a step toward her and pulled her to him, wrapping an arm around the back of her waist and firmly pressing his lips against her before initiating a more heated kissing session that quite literally left Marilyn struggling to breath as they parted.

"I locked the door," Negan told her, "I'm sorry. Rick said fifteen fuckin' minutes." He kissed her another time, "It's only been nine. I get six more with you honey." He studied her swollen, red-rimmed eyes and used both of his thumbs to dry both of her cheeks while placing his hands on the side of her face.

Marilyn continued to cry and shook her head. "Why do you have to say things like that?"

Negan looked her in the eye. "I don't mean to fuckin' make you upset."

"You're not..." She swallowed hard, choking on her words, "You're not... I just... I love you. I don't want you to go. I _really_ don't want you to go Negan." Her hands clutched onto shirt as he still held her close.

He had a difficult time not reciprocating her emotions but knew he had to keep her feeling as secure as possible. "I'll be back. We'll get our night together." Negan brushed her hair away from her face, struggling with a few strands that got stuck in the dampness on her face from the tears. "You got some company." He glanced down at her stomach.

"Not yet."

"Yeah ya do." Negan smirked and held her eye contact, "When you want to cry just talk to him... or her. Tell him what a great mom you're going to be and how much of an asshole his dad is."

Marilyn smiled but shook her head, "Yeah... a real asshole." She sighed, "An asshole doesn't spend his last six minutes with his wife... or come back to the house just to kiss her."

He smiled a little wider. "Well I guess you can tell him I'm an alright kinda guy then."

She let out another, louder sigh and then kissed him again, leaving her lips against his as he proceeded to give her another short series of kisses.

"I love you," Negan told her.

"I love you too."

He winked, "Want to make your man some more spaghetti tonight doll?"

"Of course."

Negan kissed her once more. "That's my girl." He hesitated and then gave a nod, "I've only got a few minutes left so I'll see ya this afternoon... or tonight."

"Okay." Marilyn reluctantly released him from her grasp and watched from the porch this time as he made his way down toward the center of town. For several minutes after he left she stood there in the dark and watched, waiting for him to return again. It wasn't until a solid ten minutes had passed that she finally went back inside.

Marilyn placed her back against the big, wooden door and listened to the deafening silence. She tried to remind herself that Negan has been out there before, also noting the upper hand the three communities had over the Whisperers.

 _One bullet_ , Marilyn thought, _one wrongly placed stab of a knife... one bite from a walker..._

She shook her head and silently scolded herself for walking herself through the worst-case scenarios. Negan would be back and twenty-four hours from right then they would have their moment together.

...

"You know the drill," Rick said to the group, "They're down. We win easily in a combat style situation. They're coming. Ezekiel's people saw them."

"Shoot to kill," Carl told them adamantly. "It's time we end this once and for all."

"We got the numbers," Daryl added.

"And the weapons," Michonne said with a nod.

Rick nodded back. "They want this," he reminded them, "So we're going to give it to them. We keep them as far away from our walls. I want them in the woods."

"Well you fuckin' got 'em it sounds like." Negan's voice made everyone turn in his direction in unison. The stares were no different than day one. They hated him. Without Simon by his side Negan's confidence wasn't quite at its peak, though nervousness was not in his nature. He felt as ready as ever.

"We're all in this together," Rick said to the team of people before him. He looked around, sharing a brief moment of eye contact with each of them. "Let's go put the nail in the coffin and end this shit for good... and then we can get back to our lives."


	129. Ghosts

The woods were quiet in the early hours of the morning. The shadows cast by trees gave a feeling as if they were purposely against them, hiding the Whisperers from the potential threat that lived within the people of the three collaborative communities.

The better half of an hour had passed before Negan began to hear the faint chorus of walker growls. The weapon used by the enemy clan was also their giveaway. While they could live among the dead and use them to their advantage, one thing their group could not was silence them.

"Michonne." Rick whispered her name and Michonne simply gave a nod before flagging down Daryl. A moment later the two of them took a stealthy path into the darkness, neither making much of a sound as they almost appeared to float above the bed of leaves on the forest floor.

Negan and Rick remained alone in the darkness and exchanged a glance.

"We're going to have them surrounded," Rick informed him, "We still have some explosives that the Kingdom workers rigged."

"They fuckin' ready to go boom?"

He nodded. "Ezekiel was making sure of it."

"Better fuckin' hope he was able to do his job."

"He's reliable." Rick squatted down, placing a hand on the tree and squinted into the darkness. Negan stood beside him with his gun raised.

"This seems too fuckin' easy."

"That's because it is."

Negan turned to him, "You thought that when you took out my guys at the radio outpost."

Rick hardened his voice and his eyes. "This is different."

"I fuckin' hope so." He glanced around the woods.

"We were the last group out here," Rick informed him, "The others were already in position."

Negan didn't reply this time. He continued to stalk the woods, lending all of his extra effort to his ears as he attempted to take in the surroundings in their entirety. Both men stood perfectly still until the pounding in Negan's eardrums was almost deafening. Finally in the distance there was some shouting a spray of gunfire that left the two of them standing at attention.

"Them or us?" Negan asked.

"I don't know," Rick admitted.

"I fucking hate this uncertainty shit." He took a step forward, wanting to march toward the action, though a moment later the gunshots rang out again, this time from behind them. "Mother fucker!"

Rick instinctively hit the ground and positioned himself behind a tree, firing into the darkness behind where he and Negan had been waiting. "Get down!" he shouted.

Negan continued to let the bullets fly, nearly emptying the magazine of the gun.

"Get down!" Rick demanded again, continuing his own pursuit of the ghosts in the darkness.

"Son of a fucking-" he was cut off when an instant, shooting pain in his shoulder sent him flying onto his back.

"Fuck!" Rick continued to fire, screaming aloud as he did.

Negan laid still for a moment, the scenery suddenly shifted as his view was now of the tree tops and the barely-there sky that peeked through them with a collection of stars. A ringing stung his eardrums and for a moment he didn't know if his body was numb from the hit or if adrenaline had already begun to spread to his arms and legs.

"Negan..." Rick's voice was background noise to the shrill ringing that still lingered, making his head spin.

He swallowed hard, quite literally feeling as if he'd been hit by an invisible truck from the abrupt nature that he'd been put on his back.

"Negan!" Rick was pulling at his jacket now and the pain from the movement finally caused him to snap out of the daze the bullet had put him in.

"Fuck! Shit!"

"Shut up." He continued to pull him behind the oversized tree and helped get Negan seated with his back to the trunk. Rick studied him a moment, squatting to feel for a found, "Where did you-"

"Shoulder." Reality was coming back to him rapidly and he scanned the woods from side to side when both of them heard the stalking movements of whoever was shooting in their direction.

Rick raised his weapon, spotting Negan's fallen gun just a few feet away. He took a breath and crawled to retrieve it before getting the weapon back into Negan's hands. "Can you shoot?"

"Who the fuck is out there?" He took the weapon back, unable to mask the pain as he did so.

There were more footsteps, leaves crunching as the anonymous attackers preyed upon the two of them.

"Put your fuckin' back to mine," Negan ordered in a loud whisper, "We got this fuckin' tree on one side and our eyes on the others."

Rick didn't argue. He watched as Negan struggled to reposition himself. Blood covered the front and back of his jacket where the bullet had passed through.

"Fuck." Negan couldn't help but curse when Rick's back connected with his and the two of them raised their guns as they waited in the dark.

Again the silence fell over them. The footsteps were still and their breathing was heavy. A throbbing pain began to cloud Negan's mind as he tried to push it away. He tried to steady his breathing as a sweat took over his forehead.

"Wouldn't that be some shit," he whispered, letting out a deeper breath.

"What?" Rick whispered back.

"Some fuck taking out the two of us at once." Negan laughed lightly, "You and me Rick."

"No one's taking us out."

"Well... thanks for fuckin' helping out my girl."

"Shut the fuck up Negan." Rick shifted, eying the immediate area more intently with sound of lighter, more controlled footsteps, "We're not-" He lifted his gun, firing it off as someone ran past where they stood.

Negan struggled to glance over his shoulder but managed to witness the body drop to the ground.

Rick breathed heavier, his back heaving with each breath as he waited for the man to move or another to come swooping in.

There were more footsteps, more rushed and immediate.

"Jake!" A man tried to hush his words as he trailed the person who Rick had shot.

"Fire away Rick," Negan said quietly, only able to listen to the chaos behind him from where he sat. When Rick's gun went off again he closed his eyes for a moment and waited. A thud and some rustling indicated that the second man had dropped to the ground and Rick's demeanor informed him that the first wave of threats was over.

"Get up." Rick whispered and began to stand, reaching back to pull Negan up under his arm.

"Fuck." Negan gritted his teeth, struggling to get to his feet. He let out a groan as he pushed off the arm where the bullet wound had connected with his shoulder. "Son of a fucking bitch." As he rose to his feet another collection of rounds rang out, prompting each of them to duck back behind the tree, this time standing with their backs against one another's.

"They don't know where we are exactly," Rick assumed.

"Better fuckin' pray it's a few stray pricks and not an army we're about to take on." He scanned his side of the woods and leaned an ear in the opposite direct. The growls grew closer and there was more commotion off in the distance.

Gunfire made Negan duck down again and he cursed again and grabbed the side of his face.

Rick looked over his shoulder, "You alive?"

He removed his hand, and blood covered his palm. "Bullet grazed my fucking face." Negan felt a raw anger build up inside of him, "Fuck this shit."

"Negan..."

Negan raised his gun and leaned out partway and began firing blindly into the darkness, "You stupid fucks!"

Rick had no choice but to follow his lead, leaning off the opposite side of the trunk and doing the same. The movement was unmistakable now and their enemies roamed in the darkness, scattering behind trees and ducking down as they fired back.

The two of them had no choice, not willing to be sitting ducks and chose to fight.

"How many?" Rick shouted, attempting to gain some insight as they partially separated.

Negan continued to shoot, walking toward the commotion as he continued to shoot as he eyed a tree up ahead to use as his next spot of refuge. Before he could reply to Rick he felt a stabbing pain penetrate his left leg. "Fuck!"

Rick continued to fire, seeing his only ally at the moment fall to the ground. "Fuck," he said to himself and continued to fire away as he attempted to make his way back to Negan again.

"Don't fucking move!" A female voice rang through the night and suddenly a collection of guns cocking filled the immediate area and Rick was surrounded. Like a pack of wolves on a pair of wounded deer there was no where to go.

Rick had no choice. He froze in his tracks and raised his hands high in the air, not immediately dropping his gun.

The woman who had spoke passed him by with little interest and made her way to Negan, who laid flat on the ground. Blood covered his pants, shirt and face and his gun wasn't within reach. He breathed heavy, his chest heaving but his eyes never showed defeat.

Beta loomed over him, staring down with a set of eyes that screamed, 'I win'. When she placed a foot hard on his shoulder where the first shot had hit him Negan finally was unable to hide the pain. He groaned at first and then cried out in pain when she pushed down harder with her boot.

"Fucking shit... fuck... " Negan laid his head flat on the ground and pressed his eyes shut.

From behind the mask Beta smirked, "Hello Negan."


	130. Rewind

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN :)**

"My, my... how the tables have turned." Beta smirked and continued to look him in the eye while her people aimed guns in both Rick's and Negan's direction.

Negan closed his eyes a moment, biting his tongue from the pain that radiated from all angles of his body.

"Alpha must have been helpless too," she went on, "From the way you tricked her. She trusted you."

"Yeah." Negan choked out the word, "And Lydia trusted her... you."

"Lydia is-"

"Weak?" He heaved a laugh that sent a shooting pain down his arm and into his neck, "Alpha was weak."

"Alpha was a warrior."

"She's dead... because someone stronger fuckin' killed her."

Beta pressed her boot hard against the wound on his leg this time making him cry out in pain again. "I suppose this is natural selection then... the strong kill the weak." She pointed a gun in his face and cocked it back before glancing over at Rick, "How can you be so certain that he won't turn on you too... Rick?"

"We have the numbers Beta," Rick told her, "This ends badly for you. Put the guns down and no one has to die."

"Wasn't that the original thought?" she asked, "No one dies..." Beta drew the word out for as long as she could, "Funny... our leader is currently without a head."

"We can work together. Negan... him and I were on opposite sides. Our communities had wars like this one... only this isn't like that Beta. You'll be slaughtered. You can kill me, you can kill him." Rick pointed to Negan, "But in the end you die along side us. We can all _live_."

Beta shook her head, "This isn't living. Your land of make believe is just a glitch in the world that was meant to end. It's time we rip the Band-Aid off this wound and face it head on. Let it win. It will take us all... in time."

"See that's where you're wrong. We're creating... we're building. You're the animals who are trying to tear it down but we won't let you." Rick shook his head, "See we'll die eventually... all of us. But when the older generations go the next ones are right there to take over. That's what we're doing."

Beta stared at him a moment from behind the dead skin that was strategically placed over her face. She didn't say anything.

"Take off the masks. Reclaim your humanity," Rick went on.

"You'd be willing to make a truce?" Beta asked.

He narrowed his eyes, surprised by her question particularly in the heat of the battle. "I'm always willing."

"My terms are as follows. I will make a peace treaty with you right now and have my men drop their weapons; let you go." Beta's finger danced along the trigger, "If you let me kill Negan without any repercussion."

Rick subconsciously blinked his eyes several times in a row as if the question was played on repeat in his mind.

"Take a second to think about it," she added.

In the distance the chaos ensued and Rick felt as if his world was suddenly spinning. He glanced down at Negan who didn't look over at him. He laid flat alternating between staring upward and closing his eyes.

 _No one would know_ , Rick knew. He didn't care about Negan any more than any other enemy he'd crossed paths with even in his reform. Still, Rick knew he'd kept up his end of the bargain with Alpha and the Whisperers. His thoughts drifted to Marilyn and then just after to Maggie and then Judith. Rick knew the struggle of surviving in the world they lived in never mind attempting to raise a baby in the midst of it all. _Alone_ , he reminded himself.

"That old Jeopardy theme is beginning to play in my head," Beta joked, beginning to hum the theme as she twirled the gun aimlessly around Negan's head.

Rick looked at Negan again, waiting for him to look over at him in the wake of his decision-making but he never did; never tried to convince him one way or another; never tried to sway his decision or plead with his eyes. He knew Rick had to be considering it and he honestly couldn't blame him.

"Would a ten second countdown be better?" Beta asked him after Rick failed to make a decision.

He let out a breath through his nose and nodded in Beta's direction.

"And?"

"And..." Rick stared at her, giving a nod at first that finally prompting Negan to turn his head in Rick's direction. Without warning Rick's hand dropped and a hissing sound filled the air as smoke immediately began to rise from whatever he had thrown on the ground.

Negan reacted, ignoring the pain for a moment and swung his uninjured leg up, kicking the gun out of Beta's hands.

Bullets began to fly with the decrease of visibility and Negan rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself up onto his feet.

"Fuck." He whispered the word to himself and struggled to see as he limped away from the madness. Everything in that moment felt surreal; dreamlike. The world around him swirled with blinding grays and whites, engulfing his lungs and making it hard to breath. The adrenaline prevented the pain to settle in at full blast though his whole body was engulfed in enough pain to nearly debilitate him. Had he been an ordinary man he would have thrown in the towel.

Growls were more prominent now and accompanied the gunfire and the rustling noises of people running in all directions around him. Negan had no idea where Rick was; where Beta was; where any of them were.

"Rick!" Michonne's voice cut through the air and Negan whipped around, nearly stumbling face first into a large oak tree. He turned, putting his back to it and listened for a moment before focusing on the wound in his leg.

Blood ran down his pant leg and Negan had no idea how serious the wound was, nor was he an expert in tourniquets. Still, he removed his belt and tried to remain silent as he secured it as tightly as possible around his thigh.

"Shit." He felt a tear slide out of the corner of his eye and bit down on his bottom lip.

"Off to the right." Daryl's scratchy voice shouted, "Michonne! Let's go!" There were more gunshots and Negan heard the two of them take off no more than a few feet away from where he stood secured against the tree.

When a bullet struck the trunk about a foot above his head Negan finally shouted aloud as wood splintered all around him. "Fuck me! Shit!" He sunk down into a squatted position as another bullet clipped the tree.

He scrambled to the ground now, struggling to make it behind the large tree with the serious nature of his injuries.

"Stop!" Beta shouted and he knew now that she was hunting him as the smoke began to clear just slightly.

Negan got as low as he could and ducked again when another bullet flew as he made it to the opposite side of the tree. For a moment he just sat there, breathing heavy in the chaos and attempted to adjust his eyes to the conditions with little success. All he could do was wait. He was unarmed and alone with Beta pursuing him hard.

When the butt of her rifle struck the side of his face, Negan felt a sickening crack ripple through his face and more pain ensued as he unwillingly collapsed to the ground.

All went silent for a moment before a sharp ringing stung his ears. He couldn't move; couldn't comprehend. The pain and disorientation left him helpless at the mercy of Beta.

"Get up." The words were echoed and far away despite her looming over him.

Negan attempting to lift his head but Beta's boot crashed into his rib cage leaving him breathless.

"This is where it ends," she taunted. "The strong survive."

For the first time Negan felt like this could be it - that it all could end right then and there. The things that mattered most popped into his mind - Marilyn, the baby, Simon and Nina... and then his mind went back farther to the Sanctuary, Lucille, his parents... all of it, the memories, filtered so fast it was as if someone hit the rewind button.

He glanced upward and could barely make out her figure through the deep swelling that was already overcoming half of his face. Negan couldn't fight back. He would have if it were possible but, like the time he was incapacitated by Rick's blade to his neck, Negan could only lay there.

The sound of a gun cocking back and then Beta's cruel laugh made him close his eyes. He imagined Marilyn sitting up in the room at the home Rick had given her by the window waiting for him and then a single gun shot rang through the air.


	131. What If

Negan's eyes slowly opened and he turned his head to the right where smoke rose from a hole in the ground less than six inches from his head. Beyond that he wasn't sure if what he was seeing was reality or not. Beta's severed head rocked back and forth, still covered by the skin of the dead. Her mouth was open partway and eyes wide with the final feel of surprise. When her body soon after dropped lifelessly onto Negan's legs he shrieked and scampered back.

Above him Michonne stood holding the handle of her bloody samurai sword where Beta had just been.

For a second she and Negan stared at one another before Michonne continued on, disappearing in the swirl of smoky madness.

Negan crawled backwards, escaping Beta's lifeless body and reached for her gun - the same one that had meant to fire a final blow into his brain but had only missed when Michonne's swift slice to her neck left her head rolling on the ground beside him.

 _Lucky_ , Negan knew. He was sure Michonne hadn't even seen him on the ground and she simply heavy the blade of her weapon at Beta simply because she was the enemy. He didn't care. He was alive... barely; but alive.

Beta's lifeless head taunted him next to where he laid on the ground. Her eyes, her mouth, the skin mask... the entire entity stared him in the face and dared him to get out of the situation alive.

Negan cocked the gun back, placed the barrel to her head and breathed in once before pulling the trigger, ending Beta's short reign as the leader of the Whisperer's once and for all.

* * *

Marilyn tried to stay awake, though her night was filled with broken sleep and shortened nightmares. Every time she would fall asleep her brain would set a biological alarm willing her to stay awake; that or the worst possible nightmares would instantly kick in leaving her gasping for air and springing up in bed.

There was a guilt that Marilyn held and she struggled emotionally because of it. Negan wanted her to remain calm; asleep. She wanted to, for his sake, though at the same time it was for his sake that she couldn't bring herself do as he so desperately requested.

When the first break of dawn highlighted the early morning there was a knock at the door.

Marilyn didn't hesitate. She wanted so desperately for it to be Negan. She wanted to run into his arms and kiss him; hug him; hold him. On the other hand she knew the knock could have come from a messenger with the worst news she could possibly imagine. And so she ran as fast as her feet would carry her down the stairs and to the door. Before the second round of knocks could echo through the dark, empty house she had the door flung open to come face to face with Morgan.

"Hi." It was the only out-of-breath gasp of a word that she could manage.

Morgan nodded. "Come with me."

"Why?" Marilyn didn't mean for her question to come across so rudely, "What's going on?"

"I'm taking you to the Hilltop."

"For what?"

"They're back."

"They?"

Morgan nodded.

"Negan?" Marilyn asked.

He cleared his throat. "He's hurt... badly."

Her heart sank and she began to shake her head.

"Come with me now," Morgan insisted.

"Is he going to die Morgan?"

"I don't know. He's got a few bullets in him."

"Oh my God." Marilyn put a hand on her forehead and shook her head. "Where? Where was he shot?"

"I don't know. Just... come with me. I'll drive you to him."

She closed the door behind her, not caring if it was locked or not. She didn't care if she had a weapon. All Marilyn wanted to do was see Negan alive and breathing.

"Can you find out?" she began to run ahead of Morgan who in turn jogged beside her to keep up.

"I'll radio Rick when we get to the car."

"Can I have the radio?" Marilyn asked him, "Please?" She swallowed hard as she ran, "Please Morgan?"

They continued to run toward the front of Alexandria and he struggled to remove a radio from his hip. When he freed it he handed it to her and then led the way to a waiting truck by the gates.

"Rick? Rick!" She took in a deep breath as they went, "Rick, this is Marilyn. Is Negan alive?"

She listened as they continued to run and popped open the passenger door as Morgan made his way around to the driver's side.

"Rick!" Marilyn shouted again.

"We're almost at the Hilltop," he replied.

"Is he alive?" she begged the question and let her eyes travel back and forth rapidly as she awaited his reply while Morgan started up the truck.

"He's alive," Rick confirmed.

"Where was he shot?"

"Leg... shoulder... face."

The last word made Marilyn sink in her seat. She felt her stomach twist in knots. "His... uh... he was shot in the face?" She felt tears begin to stream down her face and she dried them as they came.

"Grazed his cheek bone."

"A graze ain't bad," Morgan informed her from the driver's seat as they exited through the gates of Alexandria.

"We're at the Hilltop now," Rick stated, "I'll see you when you get here."

Marilyn felt frozen. She let the walkie-talkie drop into her lap and glanced out the window. Her entire body felt numb and for half the ride she simply sat that unmoving. The second half was filled with her mind's worst case scenarios. It was the Sanctuary's end all over again - the lack of sleep, the scattered thoughts, the long list of violent possibilities that all ended with Negan's demise.

 _He should be with me right now_ , she knew; tucked under the covers in an attempt to prolong the limited time they were provided; sleeping soundly in a warm bed at Alexandria.

When the Hilltop gates came into view it was like deja vu. Marilyn didn't know what to expect when she got there, but she prayed again that he would be spared.

Morgan gave a wave, hanging partway out of the vehicle and the guards lifted the gates.

What if, what if, what if...

Marilyn tried to maintain control but her mind and emotions wouldn't allow it. Subconsciously she put a hand on her stomach and closed her eyes as the car barreled through and came to a halt on the interior grounds of the Hilltop.

"Come on." Morgan's voice snapped her back to reality and Marilyn opened the car door, dropping to the ground and slamming it shut behind her. On the truck to the right of them she saw blood streaked along the open tailgate and it made her sick to her stomach.

She stared at the remnants of the battle for several seconds before Morgan's tap on her arm made her jump.

He nodded toward the main building and repeated his gentle command. "Come on."


	132. Heart Beat

"Where is he?" Marilyn burst through the main building's front door side by side with Morgan. Before he could answer she took the stairs, sprinting toward the area they'd designated as the doctor's office.

At about the time she reached the top step Marilyn heard the constant beeping of a heart monitor and quickly burst into the room where she typically received her checkups.

Dr. Carson glanced for a brief second as he strategically worked on a wound on Negan's upper leg.

"Oh my God." Marilyn let her mouth drop open and she almost collapsed to the ground when she took in Negan's condition. An oxygen mask was placed over his mouth, his eyes were closed, an IV was injected into his arm and blood crept through a bandage on his bare chest, not to mention Dr. Carson's procedure on his leg.

"Jesus hand me that tool right there." The doctor pointed toward a collection of instruments that sat on top of a metal tray on a counter.

Marilyn hadn't even let it register that Jesus was in the room. All she could focus on was Negan's seemingly lifeless body on top of a table in the center of the room.

"You might not want to watch all this Marilyn," Dr. Carson warned as he carefully maneuvered a small scalpel around the bullet wound.

"Is he going to make it?" She took in a deep breath and despite wanting to rush up to him she took a few steps back until she was able to lean against the wall for support.

"I think so." Dr. Carson didn't look up from what he was doing as he struggled to remove the bullet that was lodged in Negan's leg. He gritted his teeth. "Missed his femoral artery by a few centimeters."

The beeping on the monitor picked up for several seconds and then slowed. When Dr. Carson dug deeper, blood shot out.

Marilyn closed her eyes and sunk down into a seat position on the floor.

"Morgan..." Dr. Carson nodded calmly as he walked through the door.

Marilyn's rush of tears stung her eyes and she didn't react when Morgan's hand landed gently on her shoulder.

"Come with me Marilyn," he urged.

"I'm not leaving him."

"Dr. Carson needs his full attention to work on him. You're his patient too. He can't focus with you like this... especially in your condition."

Marilyn let her eyes flicker open and she stared up at the table behind damp eyelashes. "He... was he shot?" She choked out.

"Yes," Jesus replies in place of Dr. Carson.

"How many times?"

Jesus glanced at the doctor who responded, again, without looking up. "Three... but one was just a flesh wound. I stitched his face."

"He was shot in the face?"

"Just barely. That's the least of it."

Morgan intervened, knowing Dr. Carson was being honest though not making it any better for Marilyn. "His heart rate his steady. Come down the hall with me Marilyn."

She began to shake her head but then remembered Morgan's claims about Dr. Carson needing to put his full focus on Negan.

"You can hear his heart beat from the next room," Morgan went on.

Marilyn reluctantly rose to her feet, a lightheaded rush filling her head and making the world around her foggy for a moment.

Morgan caught her arm and helped to guide her toward the door. Marilyn stopped, desperately wanting to reach for Negan's hand or kiss him on the cheek but she didn't only for his own sake.

She felt helpless, bowing her head as she slowly made her way out into the hallway with heavy legs and an even heavier heart.

Marilyn couldn't control her whirlwind of emotions.

"I'm going to be sick." She darted toward a door that she knew was a bathroom and fell to her knees beside the toilet before letting everything out.

Morgan couldn't help but comfort her, hurrying behind her and reaching for her hair as she vomited and continued to cry all at once.

"Try to calm down," he urged.

Marilyn sniffed in and reached for a napkin, wiping it across her mouth as she continued to cry.

"Take a deep breath." Morgan continued to coax her. "You need to try to relax... for the baby."

She took in a long, deep breath and kept the napkin over her mouth. Marilyn closed her eyes and tried to make sense of the situation. She tried to think positive.

"Do you want to lay down?" Morgan asked her. "You should. He's right next door."

"I can't sleep Morgan." She shook her head.

"You're exhausted. I'll wake you when he wakes up."

"What if he doesn't?" Marilyn felt her thoughts begin to race again. "What if he doesn't and I miss out on seeing him alive because I was sleeping?" She shook her head and felt her entire body go a shade number. More tears emerged at the thought.

"He's going to pull through. His heart was steady."

"Why wasn't he awake?"

"The drugs. Dr. Carson needed him out to do the procedure. You saw the IV."

Marilyn let out a breath and struggled to rise to her feet.

Morgan extended his hand and helped her up. He led her away from the bathroom and toward a room. She stopped for a moment and listened to the beeping. When she was satisfied by the regularity of it she breathed in hard and let it out slowly before trailing Morgan to the next room.

"I promise I'll wake you if something out of the ordinary happens," he informed her, standing in the doorway as Marilyn slowly walked into the room.

"Please." Her eyes begged him not to go back on the promise.

"You have my word." Morgan nodded. "You and that baby need rest."

Marilyn glanced at the bed and simultaneously listened to the doctor's room next door. She took a breath and reached for the covers with a shaking hand before sliding her tired, aching body beneath the covers.

"I'll see if I can track down your friend," he added, "If you want."

She nodded. "Thank you." Marilyn let out a sigh and brushed her hair away from her face, "Thank you... for everything."

He nodded and reached for the doorknob.

"Leave it open," she requested, urgency ringing in her voice, "Please."

Morgan nodded another time.

Marilyn finally closed her eyes and felt relief from allowing it to happen. "Thank you Morgan," she repeated in an exhausted voice.

"You're welcome."

She sunk into the pillow and struggled in her attempts to stay awake to listen to the consistent beeping that somehow allowed her into the depths of Negan's beating heart. Marilyn wished it would remain a conscious thought amidst her dreams but even in the semi-conscious state she was in she knew that was impossible. And so she listened for as long as her body, brain and emotions would allow before the beeping faded and Marilyn slipped into a world of nightmares and dreams.


	133. Second Best

Marilyn had a hard time determining what was in her mind and what was reality. Nightmares swirled all around her - in some Negan was alive, in others he had died. Alpha had returned from the dead and Beta's cold stare made appearances that made her shiver long beyond the life of the dreams.

 _Get me out of here!_ Marilyn wanted to shout the words aloud but finally her wish was granted and she sat up in bed with a forehead damp with sweat and a sting in her eyes.

"Hey." Nina's voice was the first pleasantry in what felt like days and Marilyn had to catch her breath before deciphering where the voice was coming from. When Nina crossed the dimly lit room Marilyn felt instant relief.

"How long have I been sleeping?" she asked her friend.

"I've been up here for the better part of four hours." Nina managed a smile, "I snuck out a few times to check on Simon in the trailer."

"Simon..." Marilyn was about to ask how he was doing but then Negan entered her mind and the reality of the situation all rushed back to her. "Where's Negan?" she threw the covers off and actively listened for the sound of his heart beat.

"He's in the next room." Nina nodded adamantly.

"Is he... he's..." she listened again, closing her eyes to get rid of the thudding in her ear drums that was caused by her own rapidly beating heart. When she heard the consistent beeping for the first time her body filtered with relief.

Nina threw her arms around her and Marilyn hugged her friend back hard. "How you doing?"

"A mess."

"Go see him." Nina ran a hand up and down her arm.

"Is Simon okay?"

"He's fine." She nodded, "He's bugging me to come up here but he can't really walk yet so..."

Marilyn nodded, "Sorry for pulling you away from him."

"Please." Nina shook her head, "It's you, him and Neegs."

She huffed a laugh. "Thank you."

"I'll be back in a bit."

"Take your time," Marilyn said, "Stay with Simon."

The two of them exited the room and exchanged a final appreciative smile before Nina took the stairs down and Marilyn hurried into the room where Negan was still hooked up to Dr. Carson's machines.

Dr. Carson sat in the corner jotting something down on a sheet of paper attached to a clipboard and lifted his head as she crossed into the room. With a small smile he waved her in. "It's okay. You can come in now."

"Thanks," she said quietly, and then found a seat on a small stool beside Negan's bed. She noted that the oxygen mask had been removed from his face. "How is he doing?"

"He's stable," the doctor informed her with a confident nod, "I think he's going to be alright... but it's going to be a painful couple of months."

Marilyn smiled, relieved to hear the news, but felt tears immediately leave her eyes as she ran a hand over the top of his head.

Dr. Carson crossed the room. "How are you feeling Marilyn."

She cleared her throat. "All over the place... tired... emotionally drained."

"I'm going to tell you the same thing that I told Maggie while she was pregnant... please take time to put yourself first. Find one thing to do every day that relaxes you. Maybe it's stretching or painting," he shrugged, "Yoga?"

Marilyn managed a smile.

"You need that," Dr. Carson went on, "Your baby needs that." He motioned to an ultrasound that hung on the wall and Marilyn felt a flutter of life filter back into her.

"You're an amazing person Dr. Carson."

He shrugged modestly and rubbed her arm as he passed by. "I'm going to make my rounds. I suppose you wouldn't mind staying with him for twenty minutes while I'm gone?"

"Twenty minutes? I'm going to be here all night... and then some."

"Use the radio to call me if anything out of the ordinary happens."

"Okay." She nodded and he flashed a final small smile before heading out of the room.

Marilyn turned all of her attention to Negan and began to toy with his hair again before kissing him on the cheek. "I love you." She whispered the words quietly near his ear.

For a moment she just studied him laying there. Her eyes scanned every wound and she placed a hand gently over the top of the bandage on his chest. Marilyn then reached out to examine the stitches on the opposite side of his face.

Negan's eyes flickered open and he let out a quiet groan. Marilyn covered her mouth with her hand. "Oh my God."

Negan cleared his throat and reclosed his eyes but didn't say anything.

"Negan," Marilyn teared up again and she waited until his eyes reopened.

"Fuck." He let out a deep breath and reached for her hand.

She smiled but tears continued to fall down her cheeks. "How do you feel?"

Negan swallowed hard and closed his eyes again. He let out another breath through his nose. "Like shit."

"Well you look handsome," she tried to be playful in her words and was pleased when he gave a barely there grin.

Negan opened his eyes and took in his surroundings before looking back to Marilyn. "You okay doll?"

She nodded and squeezed his hand. "Now I am... yes."

Negan brought the back of her hand to his lips. "You're the second best fuckin' thing I've seen I've opened my eyes."

Marilyn grinned and met his gaze again. "Oh yeah?" She brushed his hair back again with her free hand. "What's the first?"

He flashed another half-grin and nodded his head toward the far wall in front of where he laid.

Marilyn followed his stare and a wide smile spread across her face. She looked back at Negan and this time he wore a big smile of his own despite the pain that lingered in his eyes.

"I hope you don't take offense to that," he teased, making Marilyn laugh and cry all at once. She rose to her feet and crossed the room to retrieve the ultrasound picture and slipped it into Negan's hands.

"Next month we can find out if it's a boy or a girl."

Negan's eyes scanned the black and white photo. At first Marilyn couldn't tell what he was thinking because his features grew more serious, though soon a smile returned to his face and it was as if he couldn't look away.

"This is fuckin'..." He began to shake his head. "Shit, I'm glad I didn't fuckin' die."

Marilyn didn't fight the tears that continued to fall despite her elated smile.

Negan brought a hand toward his face in an attempt to mask his emotion "Shit..."

She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek again, gently taking his face in her hand as she did.

"I love you," Negan said in a quiet, raspy voice as he attempted to dry his eyes.

"I love you too."

He guided her back to him and kissed her firmly on the lips. "There's one good thing about me being laid up in this fuckin' bed." Negan smiled up at her behind damp eyelashes. "Maybe they'll let me sit in on the next appointment with you."

Marilyn smiled at the thought and kissed him again. "That's going to be a big appointment."

"If they threaten to put me back in the fuckin' cell I may have you shoot me one more time," he joked. "God knows I'd take a hundred of 'em if it means I can fuckin' be here with you for that."

Marilyn took a deep breath and gently rested his forehead against his. "Stop making me cry," she whispered with a chuckle.

"Sorry honey," he said quietly back. When Marilyn pulled back Negan held up the ultrasound picture again. "I can't wait for this shit." He glanced over at her and Marilyn gazed adoringly at the picture of the baby.

"You're going to be a good dad."

"You're already a good mom... doing all this shit on your own."

"I'm not on my own." Marilyn shook her head. "I couldn't make it on my own." Before Negan could protest her words she lightly put a hand over his mouth and shook her head. "This is a partnership. You're not getting out of it."

Negan managed a chuckle beneath her hand but winced as the laugh rippled through his body. "I wouldn't fuckin' dream of it."

Marilyn looked back at him, glancing down at his leg. "Do you need anything?"

"A blow job would be nice."

She let out a loud laugh and he chuckled again.

"It hurts to laugh," Negan informed her, glancing down at the wound on his chest. He let out a breath and closed his eyes.

Marilyn linked her hand up with his and sat back down on the stool.

"Will you be here when I wake up honey?"

"Of course." She glanced at the ultrasound that Negsn still had in his other hand and smiled to herself. "Go back to sleep."

Negan opened his eyes. "I love you Marilyn."

"I love you too." She kisses his forehead and brushed his hair back again. "Get some rest."


	134. Ultrasound

The next few weeks for Marilyn left her feeling conflicted emotionally. Despite Rick's insistence that she go back to Alexandria, Marilyn stayed at the Hilltop to be near Negan. She was thankful Rick didn't push the issue, or even demand that she go. A part of him, she knew, was reasonable and understood fully how their communities had come together to thrive.

Negan, however, continually insisted that she get back to living comfortably with what he jokingly referred to as "Picket-Fenceville". It was a request she respectfully denied, and even failed to accept the invitation continuously thrown out there by Nina to join her and Simon in the trailer they resided in.

"You're going to have one hell of a stiff neck by the time I'm out of here," Negan had told her time and time again. Still, Marilyn insisted on sleeping at his side in a chair in the hospital room, or at the most in the spare room one door over.

Dr. Carson forced into little hobbies such as playing cards, or taking walks around the Hilltop with Nina, though all Marilyn desired was to be at Negan's side until she knew he was well enough to take care of himself.

"Here you go." She wandered into the room with a tray of food and a tall glass of milk.

Negan turned to her, placing down a book he had been reading and flashed a barely-there grin. A layer of guilt decorated his hazel-green eyes. "You don't have to do this every day."

"I want to." She sat down in a chair and rested the tray of food on a small table beside them.

"You don't need to be fuckin' stressed all damn day, every day damn day," he went on. "Dr. Carson fuckin' saved me when I was bleeding from the fuckin' throat. They're trustworthy." He held her eye contact a moment and then closed his eyes when Marilyn drew a hand over the top of his head.

"This doesn't stress me out," she assured him, "Spending time with you is all I have left. I would be more stressed over there at-"

"Picket-Fenceville," he teased without cracking a sgmile.

"Yeah," Marilyn said quietly, give a small smile as his eyes reopened. "I want to take care of you... the way you did for me for so long at the Sanctuary."

"I was just trying to get laid," Negan joked, winking at her as he did.

She laughed and reached for the fork that topped a plate of eggs and bread with butter. "Well, it worked."

"I know." He smiled this time and allowed her to feed him a bite of scrambled eggs.

"Eggs for dinner." Marilyn smiled, "It's no spaghetti but..." She shrugged.

"This beats the fuckin' cell." He swallowed the first bite, "A beautiful woman fuckin' feeding me. I can't beat this shit."

She continued to laugh and fed him another bite.

"I like that I can do that," Negan added.

"Do what?" Marilyn raised her eyebrows.

He rested his head flat against the pillow and looked her in the eye. "Make you laugh." The two of them shared a smile, "Glad I don't scare you anymore."

"You never scared me."

Negan held his wide grin and squinted his eyes playfully. "Come on baby... you can't be honest with me. You were stuttering like crazy that time you and I met down by the locker room."

Marilyn felt her face grow hot and she shook her head as she continued to laugh. "I was not."

"That's right you know everything..." Negan raised his eyebrows and elaborated when he saw she was confused, "That's what you said to me and then took it back right away because you thought it came out wrong."

She snickered and bit down on her bottom lip before feeding him another bite. "You remember that?"

"I remember everything baby," he said with a mouthful.

Marilyn smiled when he winked another time. "I was never scared of you," she said to him honestly, "A little intimidated, yes... but not scared." She paused, "Nina always said you had a thing for me."

"That bitch," he joked, making her laugh. Negan wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, "Talk about blowing up a man's spot."

"I could kind of tell," Marilyn lowered her voice and moved closer to him, "That's why I was so nervous around you." She planted a closed-mouth kiss on his lips.

"Mmm..." Negan kissed her a second time and smiled as he spoke with a hand on her face, "And then I dragged you back to my room, made you fall madly in fuckin' love with me... and ruined your fuckin' life."

She crinkled her nose and kissed him again, whispering, "Bullshit," against his lips.

"Which part? The fuckin' falling in love part or the other part?"

Marilyn smiled and shook her head. "I'm here feeding you eggs at ten o'clock at night and loving every minute of it... you decide."

"Marilyn?" Dr. Carson's voice made her slowly turn around.

"Do you need me to step out?" she asked politely. "I'm just having dinner with him."

"No." The doctor shook his head, "I was thinking since you're here and I'm about to turn in for the night... why don't we do an ultrasound to wrap up the day on a good note?" He cleared his throat, "If you'd like."

Marilyn could have done a back flip. She had been waiting for Dr. Carson to suggest doing her next ultrasound and the fact that Negan was still in recovery made it all the more rewarding because he was finally right beside her for perhaps the most enjoyable checkup.

"Yes," she nodded enthusiastically, "Yes, I'd like that... if you have time."

"Of course." Dr. Carson nodded once and pace to the door to close it.

Marilyn almost laughed from the excitement and turned to feed Negan another bite, but he stopped her. "That can wait," he tried to smile but swallowed hard, nodding toward the doctor.

She squeezed his hand and continued to smile before turning toward Dr. Carson. "Will we know the sex of the baby?"

"It's possible," he told her with a nod, "We're within that spectrum now."

"Okay." Marilyn silently prayed they would find out right there and that Negan could go to sleep with great news, regardless of the gender of the child. Just knowing would be like Christmas morning, though Marilyn knew that even if they didn't find out that the night would be special with Negan right there next to her for the appointment.

Negan laid back, not knowing what to say if anything as Marilyn comfortably went through the motions with Dr. Carson. He stared off, as he always did, by taking her blood pressure among other vitals before getting her set up for the ultrasound across the room.

Several times Marilyn glanced over at him and she could tell that Negan was taking it all in and attempting to get a grasp on what the exam entailed. When an image popped up on the screen beside where she laid Dr. Carson pointed toward it. He looked more directly at Negan, knowing that Marilyn was far more familiar with what she was looking at.

"This is the head right here," he informed him, "And the arms... the body extends down this way." He trailed a finger along the image to coincide with the description.

"Is uh... is that normal?" Negan asked in a gravelly voice. He cleared his throat "That's a good thing?"

"Yes that's normal," Dr. Carson replied with a nod, "It's good." He leaned in to take a closer look. For what felt like an hour the room fell quiet as the doctor studied the imagery. A small smile decorated his face and he finally looked back to Marilyn.

"What?" she asked, able to tell from the look on his face that he had news for her.

She felt her stomach begin to twist in knots and glanced over at Negan who sat up partway in his bed.

Dr. Carson pointed toward the screen. "I think we may have the answer you've been waiting for."


	135. Priceless

Marilyn couldn't look away from the ultrasound even though she wanted to see Negan's initial reaction.

Dr. Carson turned to her and nodded once matter-of-factly. "It's a boy."

She wanted to smile but she could only stare at him as she processed the information. When Marilyn finally turned toward Negan a smile finally spread across her face and she couldn't help but laugh lightly.

"Did you hear what Dr. Carson said?" Marilyn asked. She felt the corners of her eyes weld up with tears but continued to smile.

Negan slowly stroked a hand across his beard and lightly squeezed the lower half of his face. His hand rested over his mouth and he looked down for a moment as he thought. For a second he didn't say anything and felt both Marilyn and Dr. Carson looking in his direction.

Marilyn cried and laughed at the same time as she waited to hear what Negan would say.

"I'll be back in a moment." Dr. Carson managed a half-smile in Marilyn's direction and then excused himself from the room.

"Negan..." She still laid on the table and began to dry her eyes.

He squeezed his face tighter with his hand and let out a deep breath through his nose before his eyes glazed over. When the first tear dropped off his eyelash and down onto his knuckles Marilyn couldn't control her emotions. She reached both hands up and continued to both laugh and cry harder into her palms.

"We're having a boy, Negan." The joy that radiated out of her couldn't be mistaken, though it would have been an equally elated reaction had the baby been female. The simple act of knowing and now envisioning what their child might look like and become was overwhelming.

Negan continued to sob into his hand, not trying any longer to fight it off.

 _A boy_ , he thought, _we're having a boy._ Negan wanted to say something back to Marilyn and shout the news from the rooftops, even if nobody out there cared. He wanted to express his thoughts and feelings and speak aloud every little excited through that was rapidly firing in his brain. At that moment he couldn't. He couldn't physically say anything.

Negan swallowed hard, attempting to compose himself and then reached down and removed the IV from his arm. Without warning he swung his legs over the side of the bed, struggling for a moment before propping himself up on his good leg and standing upright with the aid of the bed and the counter on the side wall.

Marilyn wanted to tell him to lay back down. She knew that would have been the wise choice but she couldn't get the words out, and knew that anything she said right then wouldn't have forced him back into the hospital bed. All she could do was smile and continue to wipe away tears as he carefully made his way across the room to where she laid.

The pain that typically shot through his body was far away in the background. Negan hobbled to Marilyn's bedside, not feeling the typically immense pain in his chest, and took one of her hands in his own before planting a long kiss on her lips.

Marilyn put an arm around his shoulders and closed her eyes, taking a quick breath before kissing him again. When Negan still didn't speak she rested a hand on the side of his face and opened her eyes to meet his glossy stare behind damp eyelashes.

"You're going to have a son." She smiled again, unable to say anything else to him.

"Yeah." It was all Negan could get out, as he nodded and finally smiled at her.

Marilyn cleared her throat, still grinning. "You shouldn't be out of bed."

"I know." Negan dried his eyes with one hand, still holding onto Marilyn's with the other. He let out a decompressing sigh and finally glanced back up at the ultrasound. "A boy."

She took in his features now as he studied the blurred, black and gray imagery on the screen. It was a moment she wished she had a camera for, though she knew she wouldn't soon forget the look on his face right in that moment. It was priceless; a moment in time that they could never get back and could never be matched.

"Thank fuckin' Christ." He finally managed a laugh and a few stray tears fell from his eyes again.

Marilyn laughed a little harder and hugged him against her. For a moment they just sat there in silence and she closed her eyes as his heavy breaths landed on her neck.

"Oh Marilyn," he sighed her name in a whisper.

She placed a hand on the back of his head and hugged him tighter against her before running a hand up and down his back.

Negan closed his eyes and relished in her embrace for a moment before pulling back to face her again. "I love you."

Marilyn dried the areas under his eyes with her thumbs. "I love you too." She smiled again and spoke quietly. "What are you thinking?"

He raised his eyebrows and looked down before chuckling and drying his own eyes again. "I'm thinking... that uh..." Negan cleared his throat, "I'm thinking that this is the best moment of my fuckin' life. That the way I used to do shit... that that was all wrong. I was fuckin' wrong."

Marilyn ran a hand through his hair. "What do you mean?"

"I was wrong," Negan repeated in a voice just above a whisper. "I didn't know shit could be this fucking good. I didn't think living was fuckin' possible. I was surviving, not living." He sighed, "And then there's you honey. There's you... and me." Negan managed a smile, "You fucked shit up... you flipped my comfortable, meaningless little world upside down and I am speechless for the first fucking time in my life."

Marilyn smiled and laughed again. "I fucked shit up?" she asked.

"Big fuckin' time." Negan smiled and kissed her more playfully this time, again and again that left Marilyn unable to keep up and so she began to giggle against his lips.

"This is actually the second time you've been speechless," Marilyn reminded him, still letting her lips touch his as she spoke. "The first was when we figured out that your son-"

"Our son," he corrected with a smile.

" _Our_ son," Marilyn echoed, matching his grin, and then continued her thought, rephrasing her words, "When I found out I was pregnant."

"Mmm..." Negan agreed with a nod and proceeded to kiss her another time.

She ran a hand over her stomach and then reached for his.

Negan glanced up at the screen again and smiled as his hand moved across her baby bump. "So he's right under my hand then."

Marilyn nodded and laughed, "Yeah." She pointed to the screen. "He's here with us."

"A bouncing baby boy."

"We need to start thinking of names."

Negan smirked and looked at her and then let his features grow slightly more serious. "You need to keep yourself from being stressed. Get some sunlight. Eat. Hang out with Nina and shit."

"I do... I will." Marilyn nodded.

"I mean it," Negan went on, "I'm okay. Look at me. I'm up. I want you to find some fuckin' balance in your days. I'm not fuckin' going anywhere." His eyes studied hers and he waited for confirmation, "Okay?"

She didn't hesitate and nodded. "Okay." Marilyn smiled, "But I'm going to eat my meals with you."

Negan winked, "Couldn't ask for a better date baby."

Marilyn kissed him again, pulling him back to her each time there was a break in their embrace. Finally she let out a breath and took his face in her hand again. "You need to get back to bed."

"Not until the doctor makes me." Negan glanced around the room and eyed a chair a few feet away. He hobbled over and slid it beside where Marilyn laid, entwining their fingers and then kissed the back of her hand. "You're a brave fuckin' woman, you know that?"

She shrugged humbly. "Every queen needs a king."

"It's the other way around sweetheart."


	136. Vitamins

Marilyn had the sweetest of dreams the night after the revelation that she and Negan would be having a boy. She couldn't wait for him to come into the world - a world that once had seemed so dark and hopeless. Negan had turned all of that around for her.

There were no nightmares of death and dying, or images of walkers invading their homes like Marilyn often had. Negan wasn't on the brink of death in her dream, and she wasn't lost in some bottomless pit of destruction. The images were pleasant and reminiscent of their days in The Sanctuary. The two of them were on the roof where they'd gathered several times for meals just before the war with Rick's people had begun; only this time the two of them were seated at a picnic table. Like the last time the two of them had been at the house together in Alexandria, Negan was twirling a fork full of spaghetti and reaching across the table to feed her a bite.

"You're going to need to eat." His voice was deep and echoey in her subconscious state, but it was accurate to what Negan sounded like in real life. "That kid needs to eat. Our boy has to be strong." Negan smiled wide, his dimples decorating his face on either side. He reached into the pocket of his pants and handed Marilyn a folded piece of paper - the map that he'd given her that allowed her, Simon and Nina to locate the state park where they'd stayed.

"What's this for?" Marilyn asked him. It all felt so real.

"Just in case we get separated doll," Negan informed her, still smiling with a cool confidence that even made her melt her melt in her dreams.

"Never again," she told him just as confidently back, leaning across the picnic table to kiss him.

Marilyn's eyes snapped open just before her lips connected with his and suddenly the dream was stripped away and the morning light that filtered in through the windows reminded her that she was in a spare bedroom at the Hilltop.

She yawned, reaching her arms high above her head and rubbed her eyes. Marilyn had no idea what time it was, though for the first time in since Negan had been shot she felt like she had gotten a sound sleep. It was rejuvenating; peaceful.

A knock on the frame of the open door made Marilyn abruptly turn her head, though she didn't immediately move to get up.

"Good morning." Dr. Carson gave a barely there smile. "We've come across some prenatal vitamins. I think it would be a good option to take them."

Mariyn sat up partway and gave a nod. "Okay."

"You slept well," he went on, "Finally."

She chuckled. "I don't know when the last time was that I slept through the night." Marilyn continued to smile, relishing in the good vibes from her appointment with Dr. Carson and Negan the night before and her good dreams. She ran a hand through her hair and then finally shifted the covers off and got out of bed. "How's Negan? He was so happy last night."

The immediate change in Dr. Carson's demeanor made Marilyn's stomach sink and she crossed the room, moving passed him before he could respond.

"Negan?" she called out his name in a state of panic and rushed into the room where he had been staying. Marilyn almost cried when she found it empty and turned back around, bumping roughly into the doctor as he entered.

"I'm-" he began, but she cut him off.

"Where is he?" Marilyn shouted. She shook her head.

"He... went back."

"Went back where?" she demanded even louder. "Where did he go?"

"Alexandria," Dr. Carson informed her, "But-"

"I can't have one day... not one fucking day." She shook her head and began to cry, turning away from him.

"Marilyn-"

"Don't!" Marilyn shouted, turning back around and drying her eyes as a fury set in, "I _actually_ slept through the night last night. I actually had a solid eight hours of no stress and even, dare I _fucking_ say it, a moment of happiness - real, genuine happiness." She shook her head and slammed her fist down onto the bed where Negan had been laying and crouched down beside it for a moment. As bad as she wanted to break down in tears, the anger took over and she stormed past Dr. Carson.

"Marilyn, wait!" he called after her, "Take the vitamins first! Please. We got them especially for you."

Marilyn stopped with one foot on the first step that would go down the stairs into the main lobby at the Hilltop. She gritted her teeth, closed her eyes and squeezed the handle of the banister so hard that her entire hand seemed to turn a shade of white. She thought of the night before; of the image of their son; of the bump in her stomach; of her dreams the night before. With that she sucked up her pride and turned around.

"Give me the God damn vitamins," she hissed, storming back into the room.

"It wasn't my choice, Marilyn," Dr. Carson vowed, "Rick said it was time-"

"Well grow some fucking balls!" Marilyn put a hand on her forehead as he retrieved the vitamins for her, "Tell Rick that he wasn't ready to go back yet. He could barely make it across the room last night to look at the ultrasound for Christ's sake." She shook her head again.

He held out a hand and a offered her a cup of water. "They're good for the baby."

"And the stress I'm constantly under is, too, right?" Marilyn almost cried again out of frustration but refrained, "Every time I feel an ounce of comfort it's pulled away. Negan fought with your people." She paused, "Why wouldn't you wake me up when they were moving him out?"

Dr. Carson let out a breath through his nose. "Negan saw you there sleeping. He told us not to wake you."

Tears welded up in her eyes now and she couldn't help but let them fall from each eye. She could hear him saying it as he was dragged away. When it came to her and the baby Negan was completely selfless. He'd given up his freedom for stability for her and it broke her heart to know that he was continually suffering for it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it would be this morning. Rick just said that it was time for him to go back."

Marilyn let out a deep breath and dried her eyes again before take the vitamins, downing the water and slamming the cup down on the counter. Without another word she turned and stormed out of the room, rushed down the stairs and ran out the front door.

Morgan was the first person she spotted and Marilyn rushed up to him. "Where's Rick?"

"I don't-"

"Where is he?" she demanded again.

"Right here." Rick's voice made Marilyn's head snap in his direction. She immediately began to march in his direction, drawing looks from everyone in the immediate area.

"Mar?" Nina looked up from a job she had been doing on the grounds just a short distance from the room she had been given to share with Simon as he recovered.

Marilyn recognized her voice but couldn't turn to look. Her eyes were locked on Rick like an animal on its prey. She didn't hesitate; didn't stop or look back. She didn't care what the consequence of her actions would be.

Rick stood near the gates of the Hilltop with his hands on his hips and a steady, hard stare as she approached. He was about to speak, though when Marilyn got close enough she swung her arm up, slapping him across the face without warning or regard.

Everyone who had their attention on the two of them now froze, and Rick let the shock of her action sink in as he blinked his eyes several times before running a hand casually over his beard on the side she'd slapped him.

Marilyn breathed in heavily, staring up at him. "You're a piece of shit."

"Are you done?"

"No!" she screamed now, "I'm not done!"

When Nina rushed to her side a few members of the Hilltop made a move toward them but Rick simply held up a hand and shook his head.

"Marilyn, what happened?" Nina put a hand on her back.

"Why?" Marilyn still burned her eyes into Rick's. "Why did you take him back? Why did you let me just stay up there?" She balled her fists and began to cry, attempting to hit Rick in the chest, though when his arms wrapped around her she continue to cry despite wanting to hit him again.

Nina looked confused. She glanced at Marilyn, wanting to comfort her and then up to Rick. No one immediately spoke, but soon Marilyn pulled away and then pushed Rick back.

"He fought for you!" she shouted again.

"What happened?" Nina couldn't help but ask again and this time Marilyn looked over at her, wiping her eyes.

"I woke up and Negan was gone."

Rick opened his mouth to speak but Marilyn turned to him and raised her voice, overemphasizing each word.

"Shut up!"

"Gone?" Nina raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean gone?"

"He sat in with my for my check up last night." Marilyn managed a smile but tears fell as she spoke, "We found out..." she swallowed hard, laughing and crying at the same time, "We found out we were having a boy. He was... he was so happy."

Nina smiled and put a hand over her mouth but then waited for the second half of the story.

"I woke up this morning and Dr. Carson said he was taken back." She turned back to Rick, "He could barely walk. The wound in his chest wasn't even healed yet! He did it for _you_!' She poked him hard in the chest and Rick winced and put a hand on his chest.

"No," he corrected her, "He did it for you."

"Gee, what an asshole!" Marilyn bellowed with heavy sarcasm.

Rick smirked and drew his thumb across his brow line as he looked down.

"Don't smirk at me." She shook her head again and was about to push him back again, though this time Rick moved back and chuckled to himself. It infuriated her more.

"I thought I'd learned my lesson in making a pregnant woman mad," Rick said more to himself than to anyone else and he continued to smile.

Marilyn eyed a pair of keys that hung off his belt and Rick followed her gaze. The two of them then looked up at one another and he unclipped the keys.

"I'll take you," he offered. "You just have to agree not to hit me on the ride."


	137. Option Two

The ride from The Hilltop to Alexandria began in a fiery fashion.

"I can't fucking believe you'd do this," Marilyn shouted at Rick again and again. "You can't help but be an asshole. You love the power you have over Negan. Shit happened in the past. Let it go!"

Rick took it all, not responding back despite how loud Marilyn was in her outrage. He knew it was probably making her angrier by not responding back.

Halfway into their trip Marilyn shut down. She grew quiet and peered our the window as Rick drove, exhausted from the way she unleashed everything she had been feeling.

A part of her wanted to cry and scream and shout again but her body wouldn't allow it. The adrenaline from the initial shock of Negan being gone has worn off and she was left with a far more numbing feeling.

The more Rick got to know Marilyn, the more he felt for her. Now that she was fully showing off her little baby bump the feeling escalated a bit. He had to remind himself, at times, that she wasn't Negan. It was why he had a change of heart and as the truck closed in on the home stretch of the ride to Alexandria he lifted a walkie-talkie to his lips.

"Michonne..." he listened and waited.

"I'm here." Michonne's voice came over the receiver.

"Go with Option Two."

Marilyn whipped her head in his direction. The burn in her chest returned. "Whats option two?"

"We're almost there," Rick told her.

"I didn't ask for directions."

He began to chuckle and Marilyn raised her voice.

"What the hell is option two?" She demanded.

Rick curved around the final bend of the road and gave a wave to the guards at Alexandria, who opened the gates to the community.

"You're a dick." Marilyn folded her arms and sat roughly back in the seat.

"Let's go." Rick pulled the truck to a halt and killed the engine.

Marilyn only obeyed because she wanted to see Negan. She had to know that he was alright. She needed to feel his arms around her; his hand in hers. Marilyn truly would have given just about anything to have another night like the one before."

"You enjoy this," she said aloud as she walked a step ahead of Rick.

"Enjoy what?"

"Playing this game. Messing with my head."

"It's not a game."

"Really?" Marilyn stopped abruptly. "So it's not a guessing game you're playing leaving me with tons of questions about what option two might be? Did you think I wouldn't fucking ask?" She huffed and continued to press on at a faster pace.

"I had to communicate it to Michonne ," Rick informed her. "Before we got here."

"But you ignore me when I ask what it means." She shook her head.

"I wanted to wake you this morning," Rick said. "Negan insisted on letting you sleep."

"Keep fucking blaming him," Marilyn said quietly, turning away as she did.

"You know... I don't remember you cursing this much."

"Don't piss off a pregnant woman by taking away her husband who just risked his life for you." Marilyn turned to him and said matter-of-factly. "That'll fucking set someone off, don't you think?"

Rick smiled again as they walked and turned as he saw Marilyn eying the building that held the jail cell.

She took a deep breath and shook her head, dreading seeing Negan behind bars again, particularly when his wounds were not healed.

"We let him stay for the appointment with you," Rick reminded her, though this time Marilyn didn't respond.

She hated being on the verge of crying at any moment. Not only were the typical pregnancy hormones kicking in, but the world itself and the fact that she was constantly being pulled in all directions emotionally was enough to make anyone go insane. On top of it, whatever option two was that Rick had signaled to Michonne felt completely ominous.

When Rick picked up the pace, landing a step ahead of Marilyn she wanted to actively try to match or overstep his pace; though when he began to walk past the building with the cell she reached for his arm.

"Where is he?" Marilyn looked up and continued to walk as Rick did. "Rick!"

He finally stopped and looked her in the eye, motioning down the road. "This way."

"Where?"

"I keep my word."

"What word?" Marilyn shouted it now. "What is this?" She stared ahead toward the home she had been staying in and saw Michonne standing in the middle of the street in front of it.

"Go," Rick ordered simply. "Michonne will-"

"Is Negan in the house?" She felt a rush of hope now but tried to ignore it in case things didn't go as she was beginning to assume. "Rick, is he? Please just tell me. This is killing me, I-"

"Yes." Rick nodded.

Marilyn looked at him and then to Michonne who had begun to walk in their direction. She couldn't help but ask. "He's home?"

"He's in the house."

"Wh... why?" She shook her head.

Rick ran a hand across his brow line. "This is option two."

"What was option one?"

"The cell," he admitted. "We needed space in the infirmary at the Hilltop and he was taking up room."

Marilyn almost got fired up again. "He's-"

"He's fine," Rick assured her, "His wounds are healing up and other people need to get in there."

She paused, not fully able to comprehend what he was saying. "So..."

"So, he's yours to take care of now... for awhile."

"He can stay?" Marilyn's eyes lit up. When Rick nodded a smile spread across the width of her face and she almost laughed. "Really?"

"Go," he urged again with a nod.

"All set." Michonne approached and spoke to Rick before glancing at Marilyn.

"Thank you," Marilyn said to both of them. "Really..." She took a deep breath and put a hand on her forehead, "Thank you."

Rick nodded and Michonne didn't say anything. The two of them waited a moment before heading back down the road, prompting Marilyn to run the rest of the way down the street toward their house at the back of Alexandria.

When she burst in the front door she shouted his name. "Negan!" Marilyn's eyes fell upon where he laid across the length of the couch in the living room facing a television. "Negan..." His name came out in a sigh this time and she rushed up to wrap her arms around him, planting a hard kiss on his lips as she did.

"Sorry doll." He smirked, but Marilyn kissed him hard again.

"Are you alright?"

"Thought I was going back to that fuckin' jail cell." He shook his head, "Fuck, they made it seem like that on the ride over." Negan scratched his head and then looked her in the eye. "I couldn't fuckin' wake you baby."

Marilyn scrunched her nose, but smiled. "If you weren't hurt I might punch you."

Negan gave a half-smile. "I'm sorry." He toyed with her hair and accepted another, gentler kiss on his lips. "But... now you get to fuckin' take care of me until I'm better." Negan smiled wider, "And then I'll take care of you the rest of the fuckin' way." His hand drifted to her stomach.

"Deal." She let out a breath and pulled him back against her body, holding him close.

"I'm sorry baby," Negan said again. He closed his eyes and held her tighter, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"You looked too fuckin' peaceful sleeping this morning."

Marilyn sighed against him but smiled and pulled back so they were face to face. "You're too fucking sweet," she whispered.

Negan chuckled, keeping his eyes locked on hers. "Don't go public with that shit."


	138. Macaroni and Cheese

The war with The Whisperers had fizzled out after the communities had pulled together to battle against them. While things were calm and had ended up going their way in the constant twist and turn of events, Marilyn tried not to remain on her heels or get her hopes too high.

Within the walls of Alexandria she found her niche back in the garden areas, though her work hours had begun to diminish as the months went by and she grew closer and closer to her due date. Negan had fully recovered, and Rick hadn't banished him back to the cell. At worst he was working long hours through the night as a guard on top of the towers and frequently went on supply runs.

The people of the communities didn't trust him, nor did they like him. Though, the group's overall acceptance steadied out as time went on. People got tired of giving dirty looks, or making comments, or even verbally attacking Negan. They simply went about their business as usual. With Marilyn's stomach bulging out to capacity as the days counted down to her delivery time, it provided people all the more reason to leave them be at the end of the street.

Negan entered their home and wandered up to his heavily pregnant wife on the couch toting a walkie talkie. He reached gently for her hand and placed it in it.

"What's this for?" she asked with a grin.

He sat down beside her on the couch, draping an arm across the back of the couch. "You look like you're going to fuckin' go into labor at any second doll." He smiled, "I'm going out for my shift in a bit." Negan tapped a second radio on his belt, "I want you to fuckin' call me if something happens, or if you need me."

"Thank you." Marilyn flashed a bigger smile and closed her eyes as he kissed her once. "Where did you get this one?"

"Don't worry about it." He matched her grin and winked before leaning in to kiss her again. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay."

"Maybe we should get you over to the Hilltop."

Marilyn shook her head, "Dr. Carson said it should still be a few weeks."

"These things aren't an exact science doll."

"I know." She placed a hand on the side of his face and kissed him again.

"Are you ever going to let me win with this shit?"

"No." Marilyn chuckled against his lips.

Negan sighed and smiled. "Don't change that station."

She got a chill, as it reminded her off the old days when they were separated and he planned out a special station just for the two of them. This time, she knew, was different. "I would never. If I get bored I might just have to do some good old-fashioned dirty talk."

"Well in that case turn it to channel six." He chuckled, "Shit, that'll keep me awake."

Marilyn took the walkie talkie to her lips but didn't push the button, whispering as she spoke. "What are you wearing?"

Negan laughed a little harder. "Is that the best you got doll?" He winked again.

"I'm just getting starting." She winked back, leaving both of them chuckling before sharing another short string of kisses. "I wish you could stay... I know that's selfish compared to what we used to have to deal with."

"I wish I could too," he admitted, "But I pulled some fuckin' strings since you're so fuckin' big." Negan overemphasized the last word and gently rubbed her stomach with a smile.

"What strings?"

"You'll have some visitors to help you out tonight since we're closing in on the due date."

Marilyn narrowed her eyes at him, smirking. "Are we talking Nina?"

"And Simon."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before looking down and then back up to meet his stare. "You're the fucking best."

"I know." Negan kissed her another time. "I'm not leaving you until they get here. That was the deal."

"You're able to make a lot of deals these days." Marilyn snickered, "Nina and Simon... this extra walkie talkie."

"I stole that shit," he admitted, making her smile wide at him while giving a look of disapproval.

"You can't do that," she whispered with a laugh as if someone was listening.

Negan leaned in closer again, "Don't you fuckin' know me by now? I do whatever the fuck I want."

Marilyn chuckled and the two of them continued to share their moment together on couch until he finally rose to his feet.

"What do you want to eat?"

"I'll make Simon cook for me," she teased.

"I don't want another man cooking for my woman." Negan chuckled, "What do you want?"

Marilyn smiled wider. "This is going to sound so childish... but it does remind me of our time in the cabins."

"Macaroni and cheese?"

She nodded slowly. "Remember we found that and the whiskey in that pavilion?"

"I remember fucking a few times on that stage." Negan grinned as she began to alugh and he stared down at her. "That might've been the date of conception."

"Maybe." She raised her eyebrows, still glowing from the playful nature of their conversation. "But we were kind of living a little vacation for a week or so there... and you kind of couldn't get enough of me."

Negan chuckled, "I still can't get enough of you honey."

"If I wasn't exhausted I would give you a blowjob right now."

He laughed a little louder and then tapped his walkie talkie, "Phone sex will work." Negan raised his right hand, "I can do wonders with this."

Marilyn shook her head, continuing to smile. "I fucking love you. I've never met anyone in your league Negan."

He crossed back to her and left another kiss on your lips. "One box of macaroni and cheese coming up."

"Thank you." She pulled him back to her to kiss him again.

"And don't share with our friends. It's yours."

"No promises."

"Mmm..." Negan kissed her a little harder before pulling away.

"Thank you," Marilyn repeated, "I mean it."

"You're welcome." He winked again and disappeared into the kitchen.


	139. It All Makes Sense

Negan glanced up the way from the passenger seat of a truck that had gone on a supply run when he saw Nina standing a step outside the gates pacing nervously. Immediately his mind went to the negative end of possibilities, taking in her body language; though he also knew it could have meant the moment he had been anticipating had finally arrived.

Before the truck came to a full halt, Negan had already popped open the door and proceeded to leap out.

Nina approached, taking in deep breaths as she hurried up to him.

"What?" Negan asked, his eyes shifting back and forth as if reading her expression.

"We have to get to the Hilltop."

"Is Marilyn okay?"

Nina nodded. "She asked me to come get you when you got back."

"Is she-"

"She was in labor when I left."

"How long ago?"

Nina began guiding him back toward the truck. "It's had to have been over an hour... maybe an hour and a half."

"Fuck." Negan hopped back into the truck and Nina helped herself into the back seat.

"She was doing good, Negan," Nina assured him.

Negan glanced at the driver, who was easing the car in reverse. "Fuckin' step on that shit. Let's fucking go." He huffed a breath, "I knew this shit was going to happen on a day I was out."

"It's okay," she continued to try easing his mind, "Marilyn is great."

He eyed the speedometer as the truck began to cruise down the street, staring so long that it finally prompted the driver to glance over at him.

"If this fuckin' thing doesn't hit eighty in two fucking seconds..." Negan shook his head and felt the car pick up.

"We'll get there." Nina continued to be positive despite the nervous butterflies in her stomach for her best friend. "We'll get there."

...

"Where is she?" Negan hurried through the gates of the Hilltop, addressing Jesus who was first to approach.

"Upstairs." He motioned to the main building and couldn't get another word in as Negan began to run with Nina just a few feet behind at his heels.

With the first floor vacant and no more distractions, Negan took the stairs by two, finding Morgan and Maggie just a step outside the door that led into Dr. Carson's office. Before words could be exchanged on either side he heard the faint sounds of a baby crying and burst into the room without any interference.

Negan's eyes shifted around the room in an anxious search for Marilyn and their son. When his eyes finally found hers, an exhausted smile decorated her face as she laid partially propped up on the bed with a freshly cleaned and swaddled newborn on her chest.

"Marilyn..." He rushed to her side, only taking his eyes away from hers to look at the child.

"I, uh..." She smiled wider as Negan's fingers gently grazed the barely-there strands of hair on the top of the baby's head. "I kind of went rogue and chose a name before you got here."

"I'm sorry," he began but Marilyn shook her head.

"Don't be." She took a long, decompressing breath and leaned forward to hand him over.

"Shit, I don't even know how to fuckin'... do this."

Dr. Carson finally managed his way over to the two of them and smiled at Negan's awkwardness as Marilyn aided in securing him in his arms.

"You're doing fine," the doctor assured him. "Just make sure his head is where it is now in the crease of your elbow."

Negan's posture was stiff and uncomfortable at first, though after a moment he managed to relax a bit as he stared down his son.

"Don't you want to know what name I chose?" Marilyn asked, laying her head down flat against the pillows. She smiled when Negan turned back to her and he finally managed a grin of his own.

"I don't get a say?" he asked, still smiling.

She shook her head. "Only because you were kind of against the idea to begin with."

Negan squinted his eyes a bit but then raised his eyebrows as he waited for her to continue.

"I'll give you a say," Marilyn took back her previous statement, "But I want to name him after you. I want his name to be Negan."

He glanced back down at the baby who's eyes were actively taking in the scenery around them. The thought of giving him the same name almost made him shudder a bit. "Do you think he'll end up paying for my mistakes if we name him that? Will people hate him for it?" Negan looked back up at Marilyn, who was already slowly shaking her head.

"Look at us now." She gave a content sigh, "We're all united."

"With some underlying tension."

"That has died down... a lot. Time is only going to make it better." Marilyn placed a hand gently on his arm. "There's only one Negan in the world right now. I think we have room for one more... to carry the name on."

Negan swallowed hard and cleared his throat as he stared down into the wondrous eyes of the newborn child. He could feel Marilyn's lazy stare in his direction and could see how much it would mean to her. It was almost something he felt like he didn't deserve, though a part of him did feel a sense of joy and pride from the possibility of his name living on.

"He's the new beginning, Negan," Marilyn told him. "Maybe when he's our age things will be somewhat normal; more structured. Society might be blooming again."

"So the new world needs a new Negan." He almost chuckled but couldn't bring himself to.

"Something like that."

Negan carefully leaned down, touching his lips to hers once and then returned his focus on the child in his arms.

"It all makes sense now, doesn't it?" Marilyn asked, unable to keep the natural joy from radiating out of every question.

He let out a breath through his nose when he locked eyes with their son again he felt exactly what Marilyn had just said aloud. Negan cleared his throat and almost had a feeling like all of his life's choices, good and bad, flashed before his eyes.

"Yeah," he replied quietly, "Yeah it does."


End file.
